How to Stop Ignoring Your Red Flags

I've learned a lot of this the hard way and I love making the journey easier for others . I want you to come away from this episode feeling more confident that you can make wise choices that will improve your experience of life . So here we go .

We humans come equipped with a highly sophisticated guidance system that can help us steer away from depression and toward feeling better . You might call this intuition or gut feelings . Sociologist , life coach and author Martha Beck calls it our body compass . This compass lets us know which people , choices or situations are right and appropriate for us and which aren't .

The system sends us information through bodily sensations . Say , you're on a first date If the person speaks rudely to the server , you feel uncomfortable and you receive a red warning flag . Where do you feel that in your body ?

I feel it as a quivering and an uneasiness below my ribcage , in my solar plexus and some people feel a tightness in their throat or chest or another area . And if your date's behavior is feeling right and good , well , where do you feel that green flag message ?

My whole belly feels relaxed and I might find myself breathing deeply , feeling peaceful and looking forward to what's next . My professional experience and my own life has shown me that life goes so much better when we listen for those messages and heed them , taking them seriously .

If a date makes your belly feel stressed and quiver , your next step to increase happiness is probably to let them go . Only you can know what next step is right for you . By the way , I met my husband , michael 23 years ago through a personal ad in the local newspaper . It's okay , you can laugh , I know , it's so old school .

Well , martha Beck , that author , says this about your body compass . Your mind can lie to you , but your body doesn't lie . Social conditioning can make our thoughts off , and depression can too can make our thoughts off , and depression can too . I've helped many clients who've gotten out of relationships with people who are narcissistic and mean .

My clients all said that there were red flags very early on . They knew something wasn't right about the person , but they proceeded into a relationship anyway . Perhaps they ignored the red flags because the person was so good-looking , charming , rich or love-bombed them with much-needed positive attention . Want to decrease stress , frustration and depression in your life ?

Do this experiment . Do this experiment Honor any red flag as if it's precious , leading you away from danger or difficulty and toward well-being . So many of us dismiss the red flag signs .

If we become aware of our past tendency to do that , then we're more likely to catch ourselves in the future and be able to start a new pattern that really reflects our highest priorities . So here's a clarifying question for you . Why in the past have you dismissed yourself ? See if any of these options seem applicable for you .

Did you partner with the wrong person because you got wooed by something shiny or showy , like their looks or money or status , or because they seemed so quote spiritual ? Did you dismiss your red flags because you were sick of feeling a certain way and felt kind of desperate to change that ?

Perhaps you're understandably tired of feeling lonely or anxious about money , so you jump into a relationship or job despite the warning signs . Maybe you've been told by critical people in the past that you're defective or too needy or too picky . So then you find yourself not trusting your gut . Or maybe the issue for you is people pleasing .

Perhaps you proceed with a travel plan or a commitment in order to avoid upsetting somebody , even though you know the decision isn't in line with your true priorities . Or maybe you're dealing with a person who's abusive and you go ahead and say yes to something that doesn't feel right in order to avoid their anger or shaming .

In what particular kind of situations are you more likely to dismiss your intuition ? Is it when you're drinking or high , or if there's group pressure , where you want to be accepted and feel like you belong ?

Maybe you dismiss signs when you're with someone you're attracted to and you want them to like you , or when you're with someone whose approval you really want . Or maybe you're more likely to ignore these signals when you're dealing with family . You've been told that quote family comes first .

But even when we're responsible for kids or elders elders we have to factor in our needs as well . Or the whole system becomes unhealthy and we model to our kids that they should always put other people's needs ahead of their own , or we burn out and get ill or depressed or resentful .

Beware of holding loyalty to family as more important than taking care of yourself or your primary relationship . Loyalty is one way that dysfunctional family systems perpetuate dysfunction depression , anxiety , trauma , addiction , abuse and more anxiety , trauma , addiction , abuse and more .

One way to increase our chances of making wise choices that help us be happier is to avoid isolation . Our society has a long-held weird belief that it's more admirable to do things on our own and not lean on others or get input from others . That cultural belief is actually way off from the truth .

When we consult someone who is more knowledgeable or is sane and cares for us , we point the trajectory of our lives upward . Well , another way to level up the quality of our decisions is also to slow down enough to be able to notice our gut feelings and discerning thoughts .

Rushing ourselves is often unnecessary and not good . Before I met Michael , my husband , through that personal ad , I had decided that I would wait six weeks before having intercourse with a new man .

That longing that we experienced was hard , but given my true priority was finding the right life partner , not just getting laid , I think it was a smart policy that slowed things down enough so that I could make really good choices for the long run when we aren't bonded yet to a new partner in that profound way .

We stay a bit more bonded with ourselves , more able to see the person with clear discernment . Sometimes it's inconvenient or slightly awkward to follow our intuition and discernment .

Perhaps someone you respect has recommended you see a particular doctor , but at the first appointment the doc isn't really listening to you , is rushed and leaves you feeling not at ease or confident about this choice . Well then , maybe your next healthy step is being willing to pivot and move on to a different medical provider .

Or maybe you're working with a counselor or coach and it's not feeling empowering and you're not progressing despite trying everything that person recommends . Do you pressure yourself into staying because you don't want to quote be a quitter ?

Or maybe you trust yourself and you find someone who is a better fit as you practice listening for and honoring your gut feelings and you get better and better at following them . See if your life doesn't feel a little lighter and more in line with who you actually are , because you and what's true for you it matters .

Was this episode of the Happiness Coach helpful ? Please share it on social media or with someone you know is having a rough time . To learn more about my private coaching practice . Visit my website helpingyougetunstuckcom . I see clients remotely and in Boulder , colorado . I'm sending you my care and support . You can do this .