Would you just love to have less stress and drama in your life ? I get to share practical steps on how you can do that on this episode of the Happiness Coach . I'm Judy O'Neill . I'm a Harvard grad , a social worker and a coach . I'm here to help you improve your relationships and bounce back from depression .
I've learned a lot of this the hard way , and I love making the journey easier for others . I hear often from clients that they just don't want any more negative drama in their lives . It's such a reasonable wish . Of course you prefer times of peace , fun and progressing on your goals and dreams .
Well , hollywood is expert at creating drama right , so let's look to them for clarity and then do the opposite . Here are some of the top ways to create tension and have a movie keep us on the edge of our seat . The main character should do some of the following . They should ignore their intuition .
Certainly any bad gut feelings should get dismissed about a person or situation .
Maybe they're letting love or infatuation make them blind to all the signs that the person they're falling for is questionable , or has a really scary ex-partner lurking , or has a really scary ex-partner lurking , or perhaps they're taking a job or going into business with people that are giving off so many red flags To heighten drama .
Hollywood often depicts the main character as being isolated , not in close communication with a supportive , healthy , grounded friend , family member or co-worker To set the scene for dramatic tension .
The main character often will not ask anyone for personal or professional help because they fear that seeking help means they're weak or they're crazy , and they'd be ashamed if anyone found out they need to maybe be out of control with drugs or alcohol or be involved with someone who is , and not be seeking help through a great 12-step program .
They probably have inappropriate boundaries . They don't tell people no when that's what they want to say . He or she doesn't set limits or remove themselves from interacting with a person who doesn't treat them well or others well . They're not open to input .
They stay in a bad situation despite advice from people who care about them , and they make impulsive decisions without first gathering information or pausing to sleep on it . I think you know where I'm going with this . If we flip this Hollywood recipe to its opposite , then we have a list of actions we can take to avoid stress and drama in our own lives .
Some drama it's totally out of our control . Terrible , random things can happen in life that we will never be able to explain . Other drama we can totally avoid it . When we're in the middle of a rough situation , we can all so easily slip into feeling overwhelmed and powerless and feel that there just isn't anything we can do to improve our situation .
In the midst of struggle it's really hard to see where we actually do have the power of choice to prevent or end negative things happening in our lives .
Here's some examples Instead of continuing to unsuccessfully nag our alcoholic spouse to drink less , we can get ourselves to counseling or to the 12-step group Al-Anon , which is designed to help people who are affected by the addictive behaviors of loved ones . Maybe we should stop isolating ourselves in order to keep our spouse's addiction a secret .
We can start being honest with them and with others and start setting true limits with the addiction behavior so that we aren't enabling the decline of the person we love . Or perhaps your brother , who you love dearly , keeps not going to the doctor even though he's worried that a freaky-looking mole that he showed you might be cancer .
You stay silent because you don't want to interfere or be seen as a controlling meddler . You tell yourself something spiritual-sounding like everyone has their own path , but the truth is deep down . You don't want to be silent with your brother . You want to be honest . You're scared that he might have melanoma and you want him to get it looked at .
You ask him to go for a walk and you have a heart-to-heart talk that results in his going to the doctor . It is found to be cancer , but it was caught early enough . Great drama and pain were avoided because you took the gutsy leap of being real with him .
Sometimes we have decision points in life where our choice has an extra big impact , where with one courageous decision you can prevent months or even years of stress and drama . Keep on the lookout for these powerful decision points . We could call them PDP's .
Maybe your partner is interested in looking at a house that's for sale down the block from your complicated in-laws , or maybe it's down the street from his ex-wife . Your choice of whether to be honest or not and come out with the true answer of no thanks has a huge potential impact on your future life .
Maybe for you , a big PDP is how you respond to the request from your son's school that you head the parent-teacher association . When the principal asks you , you feel an anxious quiver in your belly . You want to say yes because you love your kids and you want their school to thrive , but you felt a hesitation inside .
A part of you knows that saying yes would be overextending . When you imagine saying yes , I'd love to do that , you know a part of you would feel like you're not telling the truth . It's wonderful to extend ourselves to people and things we love and believe in , but it's not wonderful to overextend .
Instead of saying yes to the school principal , you pause and you say that you'll give it serious thought and get right back to her with an answer . Pausing is a powerful way to give ourselves time to consult with ourselves or others on what is truly your next right step .
Maybe you get clear that , yes , you do want to contribute to the school this year , but you feel best about leading a subcommittee this time , not the whole thing . When you practice saying yes in the mirror , you're able to do so without the anxious quiver coming up in your belly .
Well , thank goodness , there are steps we can take to reduce the amount of drama and suffering in our lives . I'm wishing you as much peace and good , true choices as possible . Was this episode of the Happiness Coach helpful ? Please share it on social media or with someone you know is having a rough time .
To learn more about my private coaching practice , visit my website helpingyougetunstuckcom . I see clients remotely and in Boulder , Colorado . I'm sending you my care and support . You can do this .