What Do You Want? Conscious Coupling With Sarah Krippner

I mean so funny , because I was just listening to a podcast where they're talking about the movie in the notebook and they were specifically talking about the what do you want ? What do you want , what do you want ? And so , and then you asked me , you know , would you like a session ?

I was like , oh no , I think that those , what four words were all I needed for a session for me , because I could sit with that for for however long I want to , because , realizing that as a feminine and , like I said , a you know , five decades feminine um , that question is new . Well , it's new .

It's new to all of us because isn't this the first time since the dawn of the planet that the universe is saying , hey , relationship and romantic relationship doesn't have to have anything to do with survival , yeah , yeah , or procreation or anything can just be for the expansion of your soul and for the enjoyment of your life . So so it is new for us .

At the end , it's really rocked my world to to just even put that question to the forefront of all my relationships , past and present and future , and go wow that that , as a motivating focus , is radical . Yeah , living that .

And I had , especially during this time when we had COVID and things were kind of locked down and I'm not really like a I don't go out and go to bars and not like that's a great place to meet people anyway , necessarily .

But I didn't , I wasn't going out to find people and , um , and I was really against the dating apps because I'm like you , I'm like I gotta , I gotta feel their energy , like I got more than just what people post on profiles and stuff . So , anyway , I spent a good couple of years going .

I need to create energetically the mate that I want , be honest about it with myself . But then I also have to become the match to that and it was actually in that that I started deep diving and spirit told me very strongly like you're going to start doing couples workshops and retreats and I'm like this seems odd , I'm not a couple , and it was that really ?

It took out that that detail actually doesn't matter , like the connection is the point , the conscious connection is the point . So it's the connection with ourselves as well as the connection with our partner .

So it doesn't matter if you've been together for two weeks , two months , two years , 20 years , and I've had people all over the spectrum and since I've been in my relationship , this has been constant , upfront for it's it's how I , it's how I created my partner , how does your partner feel about having been created ?

It's so funny Cause he's , he's so not , he's not , he's not into all the energy and all that kind of stuff . He's like sure , yeah , you created me , okay , he's so open to it . Like , yeah , he's not out there pulling cards and using crystals , but he does have crystals by his but he's like you never got me here is great so , yeah , we joke about .

I'm like , you know I manifested you , right . I'm like , not that you didn't exist before , but , um , so it's a funny conversation , but yeah , it's . But that's what I did is a couple of years ago . I was like , look , I don't want to just mess around dating Um what , but what do I really want ? And it was all energy .

Yeah , there's some other tidbits , some structures , and you know what they look like , this and that , but most of it was energy . How do I want to feel with this person and how do I want our relationship , our connection , to feel ?

And when I honed in on that , and then again , through the guidance of spirit , teaching it for a couple years , boom , here he comes and then how , and then how did you recognize and receive that boom moment ?

It was a full body , yes , and um , I'm not super , um , like , I know a little bit about human design , but out of town , so I'm not sure if that's in your field as well , but of practice , but I know that is who I like , my body , my gut . I'm a yes or no , and so my everything was yes , but it was my mind that was like , but what about this ?

But what about that , like this thing and that thing ? And it was a conscious connection for me to daily say love him . And it wasn't forceful , it's not saying , you know , love somebody that you don't love . It was like shutting down the self-sabotage or just some of the little piddly stuff that actually doesn't really matter , because we're all individuals .

I was kind of ignoring or not giving the full weight to what I actually wanted , the recipe that I created . I was like , oh , that's great , that seems , but but what about this ? So it really took a little bit of conscious effort for me to go wait , no , sarah , this is , this , is what you've created .

And and I just kept telling him that lean in , lean in , and the more I lean in , the more he expands and we grow together . And it's expands and we grow together and it's um , yeah , it's really amazing that , as much as I knew what , like what to do , how to create this , I knew what I was asking for .

I knew the , I knew the game I was playing not game but you know the , the system I was working in . But I still had my old triggers of , like you know , going so many years with all the stuff that I've tried to heal over the years , I still had to kind of face that head on and go wait a second . I see you , you're trying to sabotage me .

I'm not going to let that happen . I'm going to , I'm going to lean into the good stuff . So it there was the manifestation , and then there was the conscious , like connection to totally absorbing and allowing in what . I wanted .

It does seem more to do with , you know , these other factors you're talking about , like what the mind says is important . Also , you know , just getting swept up in emotion or passion . And of course , we know now , through doing this energy work , that a lot of that intense passion is actually your soul saying there's something for me to heal here .

So it's not really a sign of sustainability , but it is a sign of oh , you're going to transform through this relationship , not that you can't have the passion and stuff with the other , but right you know , so it it .

How do you view that shift from all these other factors of the way we look at relationship to this central focus of just focusing in on what you want and creating space for that and being the match to that ?

Do we want kids ? You know what do our parents say ? Religion . There's still so many other voices coming in and I think it's probably harder at that time and I would say it would be great if we were teaching our kids not to get like into that too much , but more about yeah , what do you want ? Like not , what do you want from ?

Like I want a BMW and a million dollars and that's great . Like that's fine , but like what is your soul calling for ? And I do believe there are some parents and paths , some religious areas and spiritual practices that help people find a mate through , I guess , their belief system . I didn't grow up with that .

I didn't grow up with any kind of direction as far as who to be like . What are your values Like ? So it took me half my life to find out who I am and what I really want . So I guess my personal journey is a little different . In a way it was like , finally , I finally woke up to say , oh , I get to , I get to create the partnership that I want .

Yeah and so , but yeah , I . So I'm not sure if I'm totally answering your question , but I think later in life some of the things I want are different . But I'd like to think the outcome might be different at , say , 20, . But I don't think the question what do I want ? Should be any different .

Well , what does society want ? Or what does this other person want , what does this masculine person want ? You know , if I'm a feminine , so it's , you know , really shifting to this place of no , it's okay to make that your number one and it is a masculine , feminine issue , because certainly masculines are mostly taught to make that your number one .

And I think people think , oh , if I put myself first , that's egotistic , that's this and that and nobody else is going to serve . I look at it from a place of that spiritual connection . It's not just what I want and what can I get from other people , it's who do I , who do I want to be , and , from a relationship standpoint , the mate of that .

It's not just what I want , like I want to serve my partner and I want him to appreciate that . So it's and vice versa , like it . It's not just about what I want from somebody else , it's actually who I want to be and how I want to be appreciated .

It's , it is news , especially to those of us over 40 . It's like you mean , I can , you know , put put my own self at least among those that I'm valuing .

And you know , because really subconsciously it was taught no , you're , you're last , everybody else is first , because that's what makes you a good feminine and we're just learning that actually , when you receive and when you allow yourself to focus on what does nourish you , what do you want , and that's in that regard , you're benefiting everybody , you're connecting to

so much more right , yeah , that , and you know it's the kind of the old common , um , you know , analogy or whatever , put your air , you know , put your mask on first on the airplane .

weekend . Uh , several of them were like it was hard for them to say yes to to taking a weekend , I mean Friday through Sunday , not a lot of time , two hours away , it's beautiful , but it was hard for them to say yes to put their family on the back burner for a couple of days , whatever .

And I see this too in a lot of the conversations , kind of tying it back into the relationships , where the couples that I know who have kids , who have been together for a long time , they're like our relationship comes before the kids .

And that doesn't mean the kids are not taken care of and not nourished , but what's beneficial for the kids to see is that mom and dad are like , they are strong because they are leading their kids through this journey , and so individually .

And so when I work with my couples , I'm like it's a , it's a it kind of I think it's more of a spiritual phrase , but I love it and a triple braided cord is not easily broken .

I say it's you , your partner and the relationship , and so you have to , inside the relationship , you have to be served and whole and taken care of and nourished , and you know whoever your partner is does as well , and then that will take care of the relationship as well .

And and and lay that into any other area , if , if I'm working with a client who is take , take , taking and I'm not feeling like it's a good bond or a good connection , then that's going to limit , I believe , my ability to really take care of them . So I look at that , it's the whole container .

And just as we look at the body , you can't just look at the nose and the eyes and the hands and the knees . You've really got to look at the whole body .

Yes , some of those are independent , but to make the whole thing work , I mean , yeah , it's , it's , it's um , I love the idea of helping women , cause I work with women specifically , but then I work with a couple , helping them own what they need , and own what they need could be different than what it was 10 , 15 years ago .

So I think intention , intention , is so important . One of the things are you familiar with Dr David Hawkins ? I forget .

So if I'm in anger or fear or something like that and you expect to go from anger to love in an instant , it's probably not going to happen .

It doesn't mean it can't happen or it might happen for a moment or whatever , but that's a big stretch of emotional yardage to move from and that's usually where I end up talking with my couples most about is in the emotions and the energy . Where I end up talking with my couples most about is in the in the emotions and the energy .

So expectation of I'm going to come home in a super bad mood and my husband or my wife or how you know , however that place , my partner , is just going to take that and love me anyway and have the smile on their face and and that's going to make me okay and I'm going to release it and all this is going to be fine . It's just not logic . It's not .

It doesn't work that way . So what I help them work through is a series of real and then you know somewhat fantasy situations of what that looks like emotionally . And when they realize , oh yeah , when I come home and I have this , whatever it is , this fear , anger , frustration , and I'm bringing that in , and I have no idea where my partner's at emotionally .

Now , if they're supercharged , it might not hurt them that bad , but if they're feeling weak too and I think Brene Brown talks about this as well Like where are you in any given moment inside your relationship , how much do you have to give ? And being able to clearly communicate hey , this isn't about you , but this is where I'm at .

And like I just don't have anything else to give at the moment . And hopefully they can either understand that if they don't have anything extra to give or if they have more , like I got this , like I'm on a high , I can help you . And I just went through this with with my partner , where I was .

I'm just like beat up in a lot of ways , and I was just sitting in silence . He's like is it about me ? And I was like no , it's not about you and he's like you know , what do you need ? I'm like , just , let me . Just I'm going to like we're big touchers .

So we just held hands and we are at an , a public arena , so I'm like I , I'm not going to lose my you know what here , like I just need to process it . And then he could feel he could he knows me well enough now he can feel me relax . And then he had the opportunity where he could put on the butter and I was willing to receive it .

But there was a small little time where I was like I have to process it , I have to . It wasn't his to fix and he wasn't feeling like less of a partner because he couldn't fix it . At the moment he just let me be . But that's something we've had to talk about .

He understands how I work through stuff and I have to give him enough information so he knows where I'm at . It's not about him . So I think that's a huge thing around . Expectation is I do think women tend to expect men to read their minds , or maybe it's their partners in general , and we both want them .

You know , I love being a woman , I love having all these layers of emotions and how all this stuff works emotions and how all this stuff works . It's just not . It doesn't make sense to everybody . And so I think that's in the way a lot , and I know I experienced this a lot feeling like I know a lot about this stuff . I should act better sometimes .

And then I remember I'm still human and stuff happens and I'm like all right , so I get to , I get to check myself and communicate around what's going on and then do it . It's weird I hate to make it sound like it's not romantic , but I think it helps like and then ask the follow-up question Like does that make sense to you ? Do you get that ?

Like what do you think I just said , does that ?

Well , they should just get it if they love us and they don't so , and you know , yeah , and we'll just go into our ego coping mechanisms and , you know , just sort of be big babies in the situation , but the mature viewpoint is to say , okay , there's going to be something beyond this , let's work that together .

Now I love something you said earlier , because you were talking about working with partners and and you said if both partners are wanting to do that , yeah , a lot of you know the clients that I'm working with and and I've certainly had many experiences in my own life , but you know it's it often happens that the other partner just is not willing or able because

of all the conditioning factors we talked about as many as there are for the feminine , there are just as many for the masculine energy that say you know , we did not equip you to go past this point . This is you know , we did not teach our masculines how to connect , you know , or how to even want to connect on a level .

So I would love to hear your insight there , how you approach that . If you find that , wow , we're im willing on some level .

Like and I'll say this about my one of my previous relationships he , he , he had reached his limit of where how he thought he was fixed . I was moving beyond that and I gave a certain Just for the listener .

I was fine with that being lopsided because I wanted to give this as much opportunity to heal as it possibly could . And then it just came to a point where I it clearly was not going to go that route and I don't ever like to . You know , for clarification , I'm not a licensed , you know , like marriage counselor or anything like that .

I think that's an individual choice . If somebody is not willing to and maybe that's their human route on this particular trajectory is not to heal .

So he was potentially maybe a little bit more of a uh , supporting character in my journey and I've been that and other people's journeys and I believe in that part too , and so I would find you know , like you've got to have an honest conversation with yourself of what you back to , what do you want , and kind of what are you willing to live with , so to

speak . Yeah , how important is that ? Because , again , with my current relationship , I don't think he's ever going to be sitting down and Lotus meditating with me , with sage burning and whatever . I don't need him to .

It's not like anybody's going to come and test your relationship and be like so let's test you on all these areas of compatibility and perfection . No , but at least know and I'm getting huge spirituals with this If you just know , you know and embrace the what is ness of what is that can . Oh , look at that .

And I just pulled the ace of swords which is that part of truth . Just the truth is so powerful and not trying to hold up these illusions of no , no , it's really this , or but it's only this , but then that , and because that's just wasting your internal energy that the universe could be bringing in so much more good stuff .

You know , within and outside your relationship , if you just operate in that place of truth .

I was like they have to be this way , because this is what I expect . It was like kind of going back to the expectation thing and I realized I was trying to impose a little bit too much on other people's right to be who they are , because I thought this is the right way to be . And so there's a huge ego check . What does that mean ?

Like why do you feel like you need to control that part of that person ? So yeah , being really honest with myself and also being honest with my partner in in , in vocalizing some of this , which has been hard sometimes to be like , hey , I , I know I'm this way , I know I have lots of opinions and lots of things I said , but I'm also willing to .

Um , like I , I kind of want you to understand a little bit of what I'm working through . You don't need to fix it and and it's not a bad thing , but this is where I'm getting caught up in my own trap a little bit , my own mind trap . And even in that communication sometimes he wants to know more and other times he's like all right , I get it .

You were kind of , you know , in a space there for a minute and , yeah , being honest about , hey , I'm working through something and it's not a big deal , you know , but I'm realizing something that , yes , our interactions , something happened in our relationship that caused this to come up , but it doesn't mean it's wrong or bad . But I have enough work .

I've done enough work to realize that's my thing , I get to process and he can hold me and support me in that . Yeah , but yeah .

And then you walk through other houses like dang , there's mirrors everywhere .

You know what I do see and what I refuse to see , because all those things will be played out . And if I like , let's say , there's a room where it's like I don't want mirrors in this room , okay , I do not . This is a part of me that I really don't want reflected to me all the time .

It doesn't feel loving to me , because we don't have to be that okay with our every single part of ourselves all the time yeah communicating , that being like there's this wing of me that I would really prefer to only visit sometimes and just communicate all that , so that your mirror partner is like you're on the same page with that .

Because I feel like a lot of us are like , well , marriage and that just means house of mirrors everywhere , and then others of us are like I don't want that , but we don't really say that .

Um , you know my partner . He can see some things , but I have other people in my career and in similar paths who can see things in a different way . And , yeah , reflection is so important , both for supporting our growth and acknowledging stuff that we don't see Again .

This retreat that we were at it was a lot about helping these women acknowledge what they weren't seeing in themselves , because the good things , like how far they're coming , all this kind of stuff and and holding them through their pain and the joy as well . But then , yeah , there's the reflection of like , listen , sister , you're pushing it , I love you .

But and and yeah , you're right there's some areas where and there's a lot of mirrors where I don't want to keep them up all the time . I have to prepare myself to put it up .

But the part where they're you know she doesn't remember . But the part where they're you know she doesn't remember and they die together at the end that's like the best case scenario .

But if that doesn't happen , if that doesn't happen , there are , you know , sorry to be like a downer , but it's like there are various and sundry other ways that this particular partnership can go yeah that aren't , that , you know .

But it is going to reach an end and I feel like , with partnership and with marriage particularly , we in the past have held ourselves to such a magical and idealistic picture that denies this reality , that , hey , either gonna , you know , um , come to the end of the season of this partnership or we're going to come to the end of the season of one of our

lifetimes , or both but .

But the partnership is about what we're doing in the meantime , you know , and , and I feel like we are so afraid of that ending to connection , how we view it , because it's not really an ending , but we're so afraid of the loss of , you know , because even when I describe that , it's like , oh God , I can just feel people being like thanks a lot , I was

getting married tomorrow and now I'm , but , but we're . But when we embrace the truth of that , when we embrace the truth and say , yeah , and that is beautiful , I mean that's like one of the most beautiful love story movies of all time . So it's every time right , but it gets you because it's in truth , not because it's an illusion .

And now we're spirits saying , hey , we live in an age where these illusions are not going to continue . The light is going to go everywhere . So do you feel that that's an awareness , that is an ingredient when you're talking about manifesting , that you have to manifest into this partnership of you know , it's not going to be about some happy ending .

You know , boyfriend , girlfriend , been together for a long time , couple kids , and they're doing all the things Like they totally love each other . Nothing's wrong per se , but they just know all the things like they totally love each other . Nothing's wrong per se , but they just know , like , I still choose you .

So we're going to do all the things that we can to um , to support our relationship and I love them to death and so .

But what they said is our relationship is it has a container and it has a fence , but the door is open , he's like but every day we choose not to walk through that door and leave the commitment and the relationship and everything , and I love that . They're like yes , they're married , they have no desire to separate .

They , I mean they're still continually choosing every , each other , each other . But they , they know a , they can't , they can't see the future , they can't predict how things are going to , and they got together at such a young age . They're kind of , I mean , who knows .

But yes , their daily plan is I still love you and I want you and let's keep working at this . But it's a , it's a daily choice or weekly choice , or however you want to look at it . And and I love that again , it's not saying divorce is right and it's not saying it's wrong .

It's not saying , just because you've been together for you know , 60 years or 50 years or however long , which seems crazy right now , but you do see , and they barely talk , they're still together . And I'm like and that's something my partner ever talked about Like we want to .

We , we want to be together for a long time , but we want to literally actually be together . It's not just a , it's not just about racking up the years to say we've been together for this long . We , we want , we want to be connected . And again it goes back to that what do you want and what is your expectation ?

Like , I don't want to just clock down , you know , clocked down , you know certain number of years together . I want our relationship to be full and nourishing and loving and that my , my goal , personally speaking , is a emotional and energy goal , it's not a timeline .

I want to live this day in alignment with spirit , not kind of , you know , being half engaged or half connected or disconnected , but really be and knowing you can't do that every day , but that that's your intention and I feel like that's what we want with our partnerships too to say like I'm aligned and I'm here and I'm going to do my best .

It has nothing to do with him or his kids per se , it's just it's a new energy for me , it's a new experience for me , and it's both what I want . But also I had no way of like predicting how that would actually impact me . So there's been some surprise energy that's come up .

Oh , okay , all right , like I get it , but I kind of do it , I still have to .

I just didn't know how it was going to actually manifest and we're getting through it and it's totally great because my , my overall goal with that is that I , I love , I love his family , like and , and I want to be a part of it .

but I get to navigate how I get through those pieces to get to what I want and it would be silly and I believe in the past I probably would have gone oh this is hard , it must not be right . And I think that's another thing . Navigating any kind of relationship or just our life individually is like oh , this is hard , so it must be .

There's only one hand that's actually closed off in a direction and there's several hands that are at least have some op , outlet some opportunity . And and I guess I take from that is choose wisely means to me sit with it , contemplate and move forward , Cause we're never going to fully predict what's going to happen .

But at least if we move forward with intention and not just reaction , then we get to navigate that path a little bit with peace , because I made this decision and I made this decision with my conscious working mind . I think it's when we're unconscious and something happens that we don't want that we look to blame and that blaming is uncomfortable .

But you just opened me up to a whole other layer of meaning with this card , because when you said um , and you sit with yourself , I don't know if you saw this person sitting on the dock .

And what's so beautiful is this card represents the seven of cups , which is about options and choosing from your options every day , and I love it because there are five hands doing those different signals you talked about , and then those two birds represent the other two cups .

So you have your , maybe your ego , other people you know , pointing in these directions , and then this connection that you have with some soul , maybe it's your partner , you know , while you're so , you just opened up a whole other layer to that , just being the importance of being connected with yourself within partnership and within all the things that are coming at

you . Yeah , oh , so beautiful .

And you know , just to be really candid , and one thing I love about the way you work and the way you express yourself and the way you talk about your partnership is that a lot of people in this spiritual realm of working and doing stuff I say a lot of people , but we will run , run across , across stories of these soul partnerships and then it's like it

feels very supernatural . It feels very , you know , because it does on some levels , but you do a great job , I feel , and it's very helpful of integrating and you're still a human living life and you're going to be a human living life in partnership .

And that's really important , because so many of us do make ideal partnership this kind of fantasy island that we're escaping to , escaping from reality and going .

But if only , if only this partner would be this , and if only that other partner would come be this , and if only that other partner would come in and if only that partner from the past , maybe a partner in the future .

And you not only are living with this reality and saying , yeah , the partner's there and life's still lifing , but you also are saying , and at some point I hopped out of my fantasy and I just invited him on in the front door .

But what we want together is is is what's connected , and there's times where I help him pull into a different space and there's time where he helps me by being him , and that's what's so beautiful and magical about it and sometimes it's very eyeopening to me . I'm like , ooh , I got to work on that like those full-length bathroom mirrors .

I know yeah , it's that reflection which is so I love it beautiful and he's open .

Um , and how can people reach you and work with you and what would you , I think the best place .

But I'm being told , uh through uh spirit , that I've got to branch out .

Energy amazing connection tool for my clients is healing through breathwork , individually and together , and then , yeah , with the support of the sound and the energy around that it really creates a container where my clients open up to a different side of themselves that they weren't really necessarily thinking was there or , you know , paying attention to .

So , the combination of the real practical tools and I think that's what's great about breathwork is that it's breathwork is something that my male clients tend to be a little bit more attracted to , because it's and the women love it as well .

But it's not quite as woo-woo , but once you go through a session you're like , wow , that was way more than I thought it was . So lots of tools for everybody to integrate and find a practice that suits them where they are .