Redefining Relationships with Ryan McLaughlin

And everything in your life is a guide to some extent , and certainly everyone , every aspect of yourself . So in this episode we are delving into a relationship and we're delving into it from a really interesting point of view . I'm talking with Ryan McLaughlin , who is a mediator , but he's an alternative mediator . He is a lawyer .

He does help people who are navigating through changing the nature of their relationship , talking about new names , changing . Are they married , are they not ? What kind of parents , parenting roles are they going to have ?

Just redefining those roles , which is a natural fit for this podcast , because for as long as I've been doing readings , spirit has been flowing through messages about how our relationships are changing , particularly our romantic ones . They're changing and the social structures around those are changing .

So we're going to dive in and look at that from an ever-evolving legal standpoint and a real life standpoint and weave that in with the spiritual aspect , and there's also a nice dose of masculine and feminine balance here . So I'm honored and excited to connect you now with Ryan , and we'll just get into the episode now .

Ryan McLaughlin , I've known you by many incarnations over the past seven or eight years and I've known of you before that because your legacy just ripples out . You're one of those people people talk about , as you probably know , in beautiful ways , and so thank you for being here with me and your . Now .

Your current incarnation that we'll definitely talk about is McLaughlin Law and Mediation and probably many other things .

But I do want to tap into today for myself and for everyone listening your capacity as a mediator , as someone in the law field , especially dealing with relationships with family , with partnership , because I think it's so fascinating the way spirit is unintended , marrying the worlds of the real , the material , the legal and the spiritual , and you embody that so

beautifully because , as it says on your homepage , you're a different kind of mediator , You're not conventional and . I'd love for you to talk about that and how you're experiencing that in your work , and then let's explore some things around partnership and family and legal and spiritual and all that stuff .

I think that there's a guy by the name of Stu Webb who is an older guy I think he might be in his 90s right now and he started the collaborative law , the field , the discipline , the practice of collaborative law , where people who are getting divorced say we want lawyers outside of court .

He started this thing and it represented a fundamental shift because previously it was like you hire a lawyer , I hire a lawyer , we fucking wage war and spend money . And it was stressful and I was stressing him out and it wasn't good for him . He was like why are we doing this ? And I think that it's so .

From that it's collaborative laws grown worldwide and this was like two decades ago , I think . Don't quote me on that .

I'm sure that's not what it always was . Like everything , like business , like anything else , it just sort of became this monster that we created Right , and now people like you are coming in and receding and re-growing and recultivating what it is to be to mediate , to bring balance to things , which is what law is supposed to be all about , right .

We both carry the Libra energy . The Libra energy is represented by that justice card and so what we have here today is a masculine energy , predominantly an effeminate energy , predominantly two Libra energies talking about justice , talking about those scales .

During the last few days of Libra season , before we go into the depths of Scorpio , which is Halloween , and we're exploring the veils thinning and we're exploring the mysteries of the other side and on this , ooh , I get all the chills when I'm talking about this , but this is a really auspicious time to be talking about this balance , because one thing that I've

seen coming through in readings and sessions and the sessions I do with people , where we're filling into what is your energy saying , what is your higher self , your guidance , guiding you to do in this situation in your life All the messages have been coming through around this is a time when it's very important to tune into that balance within yourself masculine ,

feminine , yin yang , reciprocity , giving , taking what are you bringing to the relationships in your life , to the connections in your life , and allowing those relationships and connections to be redefined . And that's something I imagine you're seeing in real time on the ground in these arrangements that people are being guided through that are not what we used to do .

It's interesting because you just said and I love this because we are looking at both sides you just said , okay , so redefining is sort of like a euphemism , for you had an affair , this happened , and looking at it in a different way , well , isn't it interesting how , in the definitions , we're looking at a definition right there , affair , what is that ?

It's a looking at . Well , this is the structural social agreement we made and you broke that . That is called this in our paradigm here . Right , and you're right , we're shifting paradigms where we're saying , okay , we're not gonna just have nothing matters , nothing's nothing , we could just it's a free for all .

Of course we're not , because we have these structures within our family that do matter , but we are gonna redefine how we're calling things so that we can open up light to come in . We're not just gonna call it this , you did this .

We're gonna say I've been in a role , I've been in a role where I'm hurting and I've been in a place where I've been feeling disconnected , and let's talk about ways that we can stay connected as parents or as people who once loved each other , as friends .

Whatever you wanna stay connected as and allow more light , more space , more air , more room to come in .

So it seems to take the idea of fault like who did what wrong and like make that term irrelevant , like it's both partners , both people in the relationship , something systemically built and built and built and built and built and built and built and built .

But going deeper into and this is something I know through knowing you , that you have the ability to guide people through is going deeper into what's really happening , exploring what the layers are underneath this appearance of what seems to be going on , and helping people get to that truth . Yeah , I've made it till that time .

As you're looking at these things with couples and with parents , with people . I'm sure , since you are working in a legal capacity , there's probably a point where you're directing people to their own explorations , whether it's through counseling or something else .

But how do you begin to help share that light of truth on a situation in a way that can keep everyone connected , that can keep everyone honest with their own experience ? How do you open people up to hear those truths about themselves and each other ?

So we were talking about the house and it's quite complicated as to like let's run , okay , so party A can stay in the house , party B can stay in the house , or the parties can sell the house . Then there's like what would a refi look like and what are the interest rates ? And blah , blah , blah , blah , blah blah .

It's quite overwhelming and it gets like more financially complicated when you add in other assets like buyouts from retirement . At the end of the mediation , it was a two-hour session . At the end of the two-hour session , it was like total overwhelm and the parties had no way to decide amongst these options , like what the hell are we going to do ?

Are we going to do this , that , the other thing ? And so I was like this conversation that we're having with words doesn't seem like it's helping . I was like we could pull tarot card . Yeah , yeah , they laughed right . They're like that's ridiculous , don't be ridiculous .

And I was joking , but I was also serious , right , because I think like how are you going to get there ?

You know , in the other bodies of being , in the spirit , body of being in your heart , body of being , and many times people are saying no , I'm not interested in that . And a lot of what I'm seeing , ryan , in the sessions , in the readings , is that people in the connections they're in masculine , feminine and gender irrelevant .

You can be in a masculine , feminine connection with the same gender , but people are more and more deciding that one thing Do I want to go deeper into my heart , into my spirit , in my life and follow that guidance , or do I want to stay up here in the head ? It's essentially do I want to leave the matrix ?

That's really what it is and you know , do I want to step out of this perceived reality that I've been living in within my identity , within my relationships and it's been being reflected to me in my relationships and typically in the readings I'm doing , in the sessions I'm doing , one person in the partnership is saying yes , and the other person is saying I don't

want to do that or I'm not ready to do that , or I'm scared to do that , or whatever .

And the readings are really all about how do I navigate this connection with my feminine , with my masculine partner when I want to free myself from this headspace and they don't , or they're not ready , or they're scared , they're not willing to be vulnerable , whatever it is .

And it really comes down in the readings to spirit saying you cannot control what is going on with that other person's decisions , their journey . You cannot control the other person's decisions , cannot control the outcome when it has to do with them .

All you can control is your own decision , which does become kind of maddening when you're in a partnership , when you've created children together , when you're living in a home together , when you've got businesses together .

It becomes this sort of I don't know do you call that like a cat's cradle , that tingly thing , where you're like how in the world do I get out of here ? And the only way out truly is through what you said .

Let's go deeper , let's go into the spirit , let's see what the energy's saying let's deal with the truth of that and let's get rid of all this mumbo jumbo that we're running around in circles about . That you said is overwhelming is completely , and it's designed to be .

It's designed to be overwhelming so that we're cut off from that part of ourselves that is going to make things real simple , real clear and probably really painful , because that's what we're trying to avoid .

It's up to us as humans to be like yeah , I got to accept that we have to do it with our children , with our parents , with our partners . We have to say , but you know what , with children and parents , it's almost kind of easier , right , because you can't , you can't change the nature of that relationship . You have to accept it .

It has to make you radical . But with a partner , with the law , with these things that you can , you can change . That's when we get into the power struggle . That's when we're like if you don't grow , I'm going to do this , that are the other . If you don't change , I'm going to do this , that are the other .

Or if you keep trying to make me grow or change , right , and it feels like you get called in by spirit , by these people , and you probably notice like , wow , the people who are calling me in are exactly the people that like spirits , just putting you where you need to be . You get called in by people who go . I want to go deeper than that . I want to .

I know there's something else here and you know it's . It's amazing to see this new part of of our collective consciousness evolving , where maybe we can bring consciousness into legality , we can bring it into business , we can bring it into these other areas that have been off limits before .

So if someone else is like no , I'm fundamentally opposed to tarot cards . I think they're silly . Okay , I think there's a story there of like how they got there , though that probably makes sense . Maybe in five years when , like I don't know , maybe maybe not , maybe , you know , I don't know .

Right , it's fine , you know , you can , you can believe in the mysteries and all that . As a masculine , though , if it seems to me , from what I've perceived , that that stuff you better be quiet about it .

You're going to get beat up if you say you're into that stuff , you're going to get you know labeled the feminine , you're going to get persecuted or you better be prepared to be a real strong masculine , you know , in order to even , like you said , propose something like that , in order to even say let's feel into it deeper and so that , like the masculine and

the men I work with , I have I admire the women to , but I have the deepest admiration for the men who come to my readings and go .

I do want to feel into this , knowing that they've been getting messages all their lives that that is not available to them , not okay for them to do , and you're someone who , you know , really put down that burden a long time ago .

I feel , because you know the legend that I did know of you as I met you , as , as Ryan , love each other the name , that you had that time and you had gone through the journey of the world and so the soul and life events to get to that place . And I believe you know , in your incarnation on this earth you were brought through probably a lot of those .

You can , you can say what you believe , but this is from looking at you .

Well , spirit said now I'm going to put you in this human construct of the law , of all these technical things that you've put so many hours and brainpower into learning , and you're going to bring it to people in a way that is going to be infused with spirit , energy , with the understanding of the world , and you're going to be infused with a deeper level and

and clearly not in a way that's , that's unprofessional , because you're clearly , you know , a professional . You come to people as a professional . You're like I , I know my stuff and and then you're able to kind of infuse it into . That is what I mean . I'm the same way . I don't . I don't come to people as a you know woo , woo energy .

I was a journalist , that kind of people going hey , this is a result of serious life events and Spirit literally telling me this is now my job , I'm now a reporter for spirit , okay , and you know treating it very professionally , and so that's what we all are doing now is taking our spirit selves more seriously , and I feel like partnerships , marriages , things

like that are probably the scariest place to do that .

And then spirit brings in a big wave of consciousness , all of us , we're getting much more in touch with ourselves during that time , our guidance , in whatever way we were . Then we have that resistance wave a couple years of . Oh , let's get back to you know , let's get serious and you know let's focus on politics and this and that you know .

And then there's one other wave of uh-oh , now we can't resist . So it's coming in waves and I feel like right now we're in the middle of a bit of a resistance wave . It's not as big as in the past , but a bit of a . I feel right now the masculine energy is in a place of .

I see that I have to change in these ways , but I really don't know how to do it . And I'm supposed to know because I'm the masculine . That's what I've been told . And how do I get over that ?

Um , you know that the masculine is needing direction , which is why , when there are divine masculine embodiments like yourself who are coming through , going , I'm going to show that direction .

Your role is going to be more important than ever Because , yes , there's openness , yes , there's willingness , but there's got to be someone leading us over those waves of resistance , and that's where you're coming in , that's where this work is coming in . But yeah , I do . I do feel we're being definitely prepared for kind of a revolution . That is happening .

It's not going to be all at once , but it's happening in the way we handle everything . I mean our children are going to have a totally different way of dealing with this stuff than we have , you know .

You're basically just like drowning , trying to like , trying to work , have kids who you interact with , have a spouse who you interact with , have a job that you're , you know , decent at , and then take care of yourself . It's like , so we're in this place of like , yeah , how the hell are we going to get through this ?

You know , yeah , and I think that generates like openness , for sure , but also like , hey , I'm not going to be able to work eight hour days in the office . It's just not going to like , something's got to give . I think people are realizing that they're like , hey , I got to get outside and spend time in nature .

I got to like go get a massage , otherwise , dot dot , dot , you know , fill in the horrible ending to the story .

And I believe that the masculine energy , because the masculine energy has been wired to be stronger in different ways and the masculine energy has been wired to resist , to be strong , to be in control I mean that's all that masculine has been told for centuries . They have to be it .

That doesn't change easily and that radical acceptance is what each masculine energy is being brought into , one by one , Some of it through their relationships , some of it through their work that they're like I cannot do this anymore . It kills my soul .

I cannot stay connected with my children and do this at the same time , and staying connected with my children is the priority which is new for the masculine right , I mean that wasn't something their fathers taught them , that that was the priority and that's , you know , I always hear that biblical line of the child shall lead them , you know , and that's that's

where we're at . The children are leading us in changing .

And I believe that watching this , this generation of dads yourself and and the other dads and watching what , what , what they want with their kids , what they're prioritizing having with their kids , for their kids , through their kids , is leading the way , because that's connecting them inevitably with their own inner child that's been so locked away , so in chains , so

put , you know , to work . And now that those little boy children are being set free , you know they can go join the little girl children that are playing , and one by one , that's happening , but it's definitely radical . It's radical , like you said . It says radical surrender . It's an , it's a .

My way is not going to work anymore , even though I was taught that it always has to . That's a real brain puzzle that I , as a feminine energy , can't even imagine .

Nobody ever told me that I was supposed to have all the solutions for me and everybody else all the time , you know , and and that's a masculine burden is hey , this is your role , if you're gonna , if you're gonna be a responsible masculine , you gotta figure out how to get the solutions , have them all the time for everybody , and then how do you get to the

end of that ? You know how do you get to the wall where you can finally hit the wall and go yeah , now the feminists got to their wall in relationship , because the message we did get was what you need to make all the relationships work all the time harmony at all costs .

Don't care about your happiness , just make sure the family and the , the , the partner , is happy . That wall's been hit , of course , but now the masculine's got to hit their wall of . I can't do this . I've got to look to spirit for the direction , for the way , and then , thank God , I can .

I can hear it in what you're saying about connecting with other masculine's , other parents , other men , that you're supporting each other in that , that you're supporting each other and going , hey , I don't know , do you know ? No , I don't know , let's surrender and find what's beyond this . And then you and your capacity as mediator are bringing this to other men .

When you say , hey , why don't we pull a card ? That man might be like that's silly , but in the back of their head they're going Well , it sure seems to be showing him something . I need to maybe ask questions .

But I'm fascinated by you being in the capacity of your being and you know , doing this work , having to go before judges and whatnot , the system and still remaining centered spiritually . I mean , I know you have a strong background in yoga as an instructor . You have been , you know , meditating , doing spiritual work , for years and years .

How do you feed that , maintain that , while you're still heavily planted in the 3D ?

Or maybe it's not really hard and it's just a projection , like maybe the legal system , because I've often I've talked to lawyers and they're like , oh no , no , no , no , like our colleagues are great , like our experience has been great , so it's just . I think my experience has been . It's really really , really hard .

Like hard in the ways that you say , like intimidating , like you have like a clear power dynamic . There's rules , they're enforced . If you fuck up , you fuck up . It's not like there's hugs and kisses . It's been hard .

I think the way that like it's evolved for me is I just fucking like went through the dark , dark , dark , dark , dark , dark , dark , dark , dark and was like I don't believe in Jesus , but come to Jesus , or maybe you just get broken down and stressed and then you kind of like I did DBT , I did lots of therapy .

You know , my brain , my mind , was just eating itself , you know , with can't handle , can't do , can't achieve , can't . You know can't and but have to . And so it was eating itself , can't but have to , can't but have to , can't but have to .

And then when it finally , like , I guess , ate itself , got to whatever point it got to , that's when the lightning bolt of spirit came through and was like , would you like another way ? So yeah , whatever that is whether it's Jesus or spirit or universe or whatever it is . That is the point we have to get to , isn't it ?

And just going yeah , there , my mind is 1111 , right when we said that .

Yeah , until you can't write until like your wife or your you know whatever says I don't want to , I'm not going to continue on this way and then you change , you know , yeah .

And yeah , the only way , I mean the only way out , when that happens for me is spirit , you know , just saying hey , hey , spirit , my mind won't let me out of there , would you please . You know , free me . And it happens every time , in whatever way , because it's someone reaching out with something I just needed to hear , right .

Then Sometimes it's , you know , just going ahead and having an emotion that I want to have or whatever . But that breaking point can be like less and less and less traumatic , you know , and all of us have some helpers like that . The anxiety , you know , leads to physical stuff . With me , I'll get a headache .

That's a helper I've come to learn , because it's like the minute I get a headache , neck , ache , whatever , shut it down , stop thinking , because otherwise I won't stop , I won't stop unless my body , my head , does that stuff .

So for , like you're saying , whether it's not it could be not anxiety for some people , but alcohol , I'm going to keep doing this as long as it works and I need something that's going to stop it .

So with some people , people who can drink and function and drink and function , yeah , they need a relationship that's like that's not going to work for me , or you know , or with some people with you know , the cheating thing we talked about .

If it's like their addiction is patterns of self-sabotaging behavior , that's going to be the thing that continues until it can't . I mean that point of until it can't is actually a much bigger helper than we give it credit for . And this week Spirit's been showing me the image of a baby learning to walk and how .

You know you got to put that baby down and stand over there and be like you can do it , come over here . And the baby's like pick me up , I don't want you , sister in Christ . It's like I hate this . You're mean .

If some babies and you can't pick them up , you have to be like come on , you can do it for a while , because they're not going to learn otherwise . And Spirit's been saying that's what I have to do with you , because you will be carried by the addiction , the , whatever , the , whatever , as long as you can . And I want you to be able to walk , you know .

I want you to be able to experience what it is to do that , yeah , so if anyone wants to reach out to you and learn more about your gifts and what you offer through mediation , how can they do that ?