Hi. I'm Jason, creator of The Gray Rooms. As much as we love bringing you fresh new stories every season, we love introducing you to new podcasts we think you'll love, and this is one of them. From the Twisted Minds at Good Point Podcasts, we'd like to introduce Two Flat Earth's Kidnappa Freemason. Flat Earth Society members Randy Dunning and Gayale Krueger are not oblivious.
They know what's really going on. They know what's being hidden from the rest of the world, and the Freemason trapped in the basement is primed to reveal all an explosive viral video well as soon as they can figure out how to do that. From the mind of Jeremy Elle, it comes a dark, satirical comedy set in a world of conspiracy. Two Flat Earthers Kidnapper Freemason starring Zane Schecked from Less's Morgue, Lauren Grace Thompson from The Vanishing Act, Matthew
Woodcock from The Monster Hunters, and Addison Peacock from a Noslee podcast. Check out Two Flat Earthers Kidnapper Freemason on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your pod guests. New episodes drop every Friday. The truth is out there for those willing to dig a little deeper. Morning. People who listen to two flatophers can never freemas some experience and being intense more intensilarity and make moral social media videos. Two fladiphers can never freemason, except nor waming for
damages cards unless you get rich. You Malcolm Kirkpatrick is the kind of man who gets the job done. That's what people always say about him. They choose to ignore his methods. Now, would you look at that? All the no trespassing signs match the ones on Google street View. A few short weeks ago, the long time recluse Daniel down Ripple went public with his intention to publish a tell all expose on what he referred to as the Industrial Space
Complex. Books containing wild claims about the government aren't new you or even uncommon. They fill library shelves across the world. The difference here being that down Ripple, due to his previous access to classified materials, might actually have the credentials and evidence to back up his claims. Nervous fingers poke through the blinds and bend them into a wide peep hole. A surprised shocked white face stares back at Malcolm. Hello, mister down Ripple, how are you doing today?
I'm not buying any magazine. No, it's about your book. I'm with Rope and Hammer. The door creaks open to reveal the rest of Daniel down Ripple. He looks exactly how you'd imagine a reclusive former astrophysicist to look, which is to say, sexy as a motherfucker. Just kidding. He looks like shit, sure you're with the publishers. Yes, right, I'm here on behalf of Rope and Ah. Why did you say so? Come in, come in? Hopefully you're here to deliver a few more bags of
money. Unfortunately I'm without bags of money. Ah, thank you, thank you. That is lovely. I felt some old photos I thought might make a nice addition to the book. Down Ripple slides a Manila folder across the table to Mac in a way that suggests he'd been waiting a long time for the chance to slide a mysterious Manilla folder across a table to a stranger in a suit. M it doesn't look like it has much to do with the Industrial space complex, thanks to me, like a bunch of micothrops, wolf
walkers, were wolves. I have reason to believe that they're also somehow tied up in all this fake moon landing business. Down Ripple watches as Mac continues to look over the pictures with board apathy, he turns them from left to right, as if some hidden picture within the picture might suddenly appear. What's led you to believe something like that? I've recently come into possession of certain evidence which seems to suggest that Freemasons are taking their orders from an intelligent life
form from not only beyond our world, but beyond our dimension. Really. Oh yes, the Masons were in league with all sorts of monsters like werewolves. Not just werewolves, all the cryptids, bigfoot, mothmen, goatmen, dogmen, cowboys. They're all working together to control our world while keeping their existence a secret. Where did you hear about such wild claims? My sources need to remain anonymous. Freemasons are known to have operatives an assassins everywhere.
I can't just go spilling these beans all over town. While I understand you'll need to keep your beans, it'll be a tough sell to the folks back at the corporate officers. If we're to be publishing a book claiming that Freemasons are working alongside Dracula, Frankenstein and the tooth Fairy, then you'll need to provide a source. Doesn't need to be on record and in a text, but my colleagues and I will need to be. I never said Dracula or
Frankenstein. You might as well have what you what did you there? It is? Why relax, Daniel, and you're having a heart attack, Just let it happen. It's quite ironic, don't you think. For years you've allowed your paranoid impulses to control and dictate your life. They told you to run, to hide yourself from everyone you love, to surround yourself with walls
for the purpose of protection, to keep yourself safe and alive. Then one day a lying man showed up on your doorstep, ready and prepared to kill you, and you willingly open the door of your fortress and let him inside. It is ironic, no free The influence of Freemasonry is undeniable and unavoidable. But who are these mysterious apron wearing craftsmen and what are they up to?
For centuries hate to ask. Conspiracy theorists have attempted to answer these questions need to come to the general consensus that while they don't know exactly what the Freemasons are doing behind those closed doors, they do know it cannot be any good. Or, as one eighteenth century conspiracy theorist put it, if such people were not doing evil, they would never have so much hatred of the light. But this isn't the story of how the Freemasons built their temple of
secrecy. No, this is the story of how it all came crashing down, brick by brick, all because of one man, Randy Dunning. By his own admission, Randy is an online entrepreneur and a flat Earth content creator. He has at times also claimed to have been a two time poetry dot Com Poet of the Year, a ninth degree black belt Taekwondo grandmaster, an anti gravity activist, and an international leader in the fight against globalism. Randrew
Andal Dunning, a self taught master of everything. Randy first became aware of the true nature of our world during an Internet flame war about bumblebees. Randy scoured the Internet for counterproof, but to his amazement, the search results were all well engineered lies and be related misinformation. So he dug further, Randy
soon found himself on an unstoppable, unskippable daisy chain of information. Each video he watched would corroborate the claims of the previous video, until when watching one of these videos, Randrew would discover the real truth about bees that given their wingspan, body weight, and all known laws of physics, bumblebees should not be able to fly. And if that were true, then gravity as we
knew it might also be fake. And if that were true, Sir Isaac Newton, the original perpetuator of the gravity myth, would have been a liar, a fraud, and unsurprisingly, a freemason. So young and impressionable thirty three year old Randy Dunning was left with two options. He could research for difference between fixed wing flight and moving wing flight, or he could look into this whole gravity is fake and Freemason's an evil thing and see where it led
him. Two Flat Earth As Kidnap a Freemason Episode one, Shadow Band sit right here so we can open Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason written and created by Jeremy Ellert, starring Zane Shacked, Jack Carmichael Graham, Rowert, Lauren Grace Thompson, David Alts, Adam Clark, Maya Murphy, Ryan, Philbrook, Josh Rabino, Brandon Finch, Michelle Kelly, Kirsty Wolven, Kristen dmccurio,
Matthew Woodcock, Charlie Wess, and Addison Peacock. I get this from a very reliable source, and it may come as a shock to many of you, but the entire state of Delaware doesn't exist. It's nothing but two thousand square miles of ghost towns and corruption. Mannequins, fake storefronts, doctored maps. They've got more businesses living in Delaware than there are people living in Delaware. Someone needs to tell the old leads to do something about this traffic.
What's up, chicken nug? Did you see the video, the one where the monkey rides up on the tiny motorcycle and tries to kidnap that kid? Shit? Yeah, I was like, go monkey, go what? No? Karen just posted the new one already. What's it about? August update Colan ancient astronaut Beery debunked question mark the secret occult truth about cheese. If time can be a flat circle, why can't the earth looks like?
She gets into a few different topics. Any comments. The lighting is terrible, no surprise there, and the claims she's making about Ga Beckley, tepe and goat cheese are pretty suss. I meant comments on the video. Yeah, yeah, we've got a couple of comments here. Okay, let me see. Oh here's one. Love it? Love this so much? Check your DMS. Dang girl, you win in on them. Hello, heliocentric fantasies? How would you like to earn seventy thousand dollars a week while working
from home as the owner of your own business? A few that are just the eyeballs emoji? Do you want to cheat and eats? Next? Karen? How dare you be so brave? Stuff like that? How many views? Twenty six thousand, six hundred and fifty three? What's our last one? At? Fifty fifty thousand? All right? Not bad? Not bad? Nope, just fifty fifty total views. Goddamn shadow band. I was thinking, since we're shadow band anyway, maybe we can finally try my fish
tank idea. No, if we want people to start taking the concept of a flat or seriously, then we're going to need to start taking ourselves seriously. What should we do this weekend, We're going to upload a video that will change the world forever. I'm going to bring home another aquarium anyway, just in case. Wake up Sheeple, Delaware does not exist. As Randy begins his daily dead man's walk, he notices an unfamiliar face has joined him
in the parking lot. They look happy and confident, far too happy and much too confident to be an employee of Clark Communications. As this cheerful spy starts to open the door to the front entrance, Randy calls out to her, Hey, hold up, can you hold the door from me? Oh? Sure thing. Being the kind, caring and gracious person she is, the woman steps to the side and holds the door open for Randy. He smiles and waves as he enters the building. I appreciate it. It's no
problem at all. Then Randy immediately turns, grabs the door handle and pulls the door shut. What the hell? A bewildered face stares back at him from the other side of the glass. Where's your badge? I didn't realize you were with security. There's a whole lot of evil in this world. That's why we wear badges and name tags. Horrendous act of violence can be carried out by little old ladies such as yourself. That was unnecessarily rude and
unfortunately I don't have a badge yet. I'm supposed to be starting work here today. The email said something about checking in when I arrived just a second. Um, Sorry, I I know I've I've got it in here somewhere that's going to take forever. Just tell me your name, Bonnie long be like boy? Oh I can spell? Is that Bonnie with a why? Or an ie? Are I E? I had some trouble finding this place. I hope I'm not late. Unfortunately, Bonnie, you are too late.
Hey, sorry about that. Don't listen to him. Here's your visitor pass. You'll get your picture taken and receive an official badge later today. With those doubled wars over there and find Walter Clay. He'll help you out. Thank you. What wasn't Ed? Thank you? Ed? We can never be too safe, right, No, we really can't. Can I see your badge, sir? Don't be like that, Ed, I accidentally left it at home. Hey, y'all, it's Rando from the Flat Truth.
Before I get started fighting the good fight today, I just want to remind everyone to like, subscribe and share. We've been slapped with a pretty serious shadow band. And if I could be just a complete blunt for a second, you folks don't seem to be doing Jack's shit about it? Breen? You? Who can you be too sure? You've been Jabin? You messaged him pretty serious evidence. If you're gonna make those kang of accusations,
will I do? Let me just lay it out there. The Flat Truth is a wildly successful content creation company, but we're barely hitting a thousand views on our videos. Somehow our numbers are higher than ever, but I guess that's what happens when you speak the truth the flat truth. Remember, folks, there's no such thing as a coincidence. Hey, check out this video Monkey on a motorcycle? Is this one where the monkey does the loot de loop? Nah? In this one, a monkey rides up on a little
motorcycle and tries to kidnap this kid. It's funny as shit. How many views does it have? Two hundred and seventeen thousand? No, that's quite a bit. Actually, my sister showed me a video yesterday of a dog with the post poop zoomies, and that video had like sixty million views. Look that one up. Why are you watching a dog take a shit? It's not that part, it's just the dog being all jazzed up and running around afterwards. Still weird, whatever, man, I think it's cute anyway.
Check this out. This monkey is fucking wild, freaking I had won't let me smashed potatoes experience the game The New York Times un ironically called an absolute smash hit from farm to table. You control the entire potato life cycle, harvest fresh potatoes and smash off. Oh you know what, upgrade and customize the decor of your lashing fouls? Did you cut this out of the new papery and friends? Or millions of potato smashers? And the serge is
kicking him in the butt. See I don't get it. You get it, you get it. Yeah, thank you for holding mister Maggray. I appreciate your patience. I just wanted to let you know that I'm still working on your account and doing everything I can to try and get that fee weight. No, who worries at all, just doing my job. I really hate to do this to you again, but I am going to need to put you on another quick hold while I contact a specials about this issue.
Thank you, And by the way, your silly little cartoon reinforces some seriously harmful bowling issues that plague our military. Not to mention the fact that it's obviously pro American imperialist propaganda. It's funny, it's irresponsible, is what it is. Yet I'm just gonna let you have this one, Randy, because you know I'm right. That's all I do all day long, chop chop chop, chopping the heads off of people's dumb arguments. Do you ever wonder
why they put your desk so close to security? Let some real danger come up in here, you'll be begging for my help. Oh yeah, I forgot. You're a mister junior Olympic taekwondo champion or whatever. Thanks again for holding, mister maggery. Unfortunately, we are not going to be able to waive the fee for you today. I understand, I understand that, I understand your frustration. Would you mind holding for one second, sir? I need to reboot my system. Smellowdie, finish up with your current call.
Let's go ahead and love all the way out of production and come meet me in my own You got it. Welcome to Birdies, Pets and More, the fourth or fifth best pet store in the Saint Louis area. Not bad Berties, not bad at all. Gail Krueger will be with us in just one second. She's finishing up with another customer. Could you please not do that? Do what? Could you not bathe my pets food with your cancer rage? Oh no, it's okay. The scanner is one hundred percent completely
safe. Nothing to worry about. You don't get to tell me what to worry about. How about you do some research for yourself instead of just parroting everything the TV has to say. Let's see us to be the problem here head something about a parrot. Now, if you refer to the mccare in the back, I do want to assure you that he learned all those profane hot takes from a previous owner. Your employee here was spraying her cancer lasers all over my dog tree Yale. They're talking about the scanner. It is
incredibly irresponsible for you to be using those scanners on things people eat. You eat things, these things called cancer. No they don't, Yes they do. I was reading all about it online. Are you even on Facebook? Everybody's on Facebook? Then I don't know how you haven't heard about this yet. It's all over Facebook. I'll tell you what if you send me some links, look into it see if any changes are in order. Good. But until you make those changes, I'll be taking my business to Pat's World.
They've got cancer are scanners at pets World? Two? Hey, how much all give me pretty snakes? We don't buy wild snakes. This isn't an animal pawn shop employee since forever? Mate m this place? Ye ll ll no. He's a famous singer. His name is Drake. See. The joke is he doesn't like the one thing, but he does like the other thing. Now do you get it? Yeah? Here, I'll send you another one. See he's saying nah to pickles. But uh it's a cucompass. I've got a million of them. Hold on, Jerry, I'm
gonna have to call you back. I'm sorry. Would, I'm sorry? Would all right by? Hey Charlotte? Yeah, Hey, Randy? You know Walter from Human Resources? Right? No, I can't say that, I do. Hi. That's me Walt Clay HR, Human Resources, Randy Dunning, CRC Complaints Retention and Complex Cases. Nice ring, Thank you? I paid for a daily it costs me my life. It was, in fact a nice ring, a very nice ring inlaid with a square and compass
and the letter g undeniably a freemason's ring. What festival days do you celebrate? Is this about me calling in last week? No listen, Randy, I'm just going to jump right into it. Over the past three months, we've received numerous complaints regarding your inappropriate use of company Internet. Well, that's fucking bullshit. I'll also have to ask you to please keep your language professional.
What did I do? Well, you just said fucking bullshit. So that's two no nos right there, one for fucking and another for bullshit. Can't say anything these days about pissing some one off. After receiving the complaints, our it department looked into it and they were quite alarmed at what they discovered. At Walter, do you still have a list there in front of you? Yes? Would you mind giving us a few? Right, and Randy, this represents only a small portion of the videos you've been watching on
Company Time. Secrets of the Illuminati Crisis, actors exposed Planet flat Earth. I'm an anti gravity activist and proud of it. Elvis Presley isn't dead. He called me last night. Highlights from the two thousand and five Junior Olympic Taekwondo Championship. Undeniable proof that Bill Hicks faked his death to become Alex Jones. Five reasons why Governor Gardner Fleming is a shape shifting cat person. Six reasons why Governor Gardner Fleming is a shape shifting cat person, and most recently
monkey on a motorcycle? What's wrong with watching taekwondo highlights with that one? I think it was the number of times you've watched it. The AID is concerned, so you folks have been keeping an eye on me for a while. We monitor everyone, Randy. It's crucial to maintaining the security of our
client's information. I bet you watch everyone. I do have one question I'd like to ask you, Randy. The video five reasons why Garden the Fleming is a shape shifting cat person was posted in twenty sixteen, and then in twenty twenty, the same user posted six reasons why Garden the Fleming is a shapeshifting cat person. What was the new reason? I don't know, Charlotte. How about you do your own research and look it up for yourself.
Fair enough, My brake's been over for like twenty minutes. Can I go back to my desk now? Hate to get written up again? Yeah? Well, Randy, while we have you here, there is another bit of paperwork we'll need to discuss. How do you think my cat has Stockholm syndrome? What? No, I'm sure he loves you. What I mean sure? After years of captivity, Chauncey has probably convinced himself that he loves me. But deep down I think we both know is really just a product of
the power I hold over him. Well, Chauncey's free right now, and he isn't running away. See what I mean? He won't stay away from me. Our love isn't real, Chauncy. I'm your gector, not your friend. With the fine folks of Bertie's pets and more, be able to keep Chauncey for a few days. Oh you think he needs an expert opinion expert? Yeah, yeah, I could do that, no problem, Thank you so much. Golly, how much with something like that cost me? Tell you what? I'll do it for free. I can't ask you to
perform labor for free. Here you can take a selfie and post it to my Instagram account, I have almost two thousand followers, a few even with here in the is area. Dow'd you get this place? Plenty of exposure? No one ever died from exposure. Fired you missing at home or in your er, don't be afraid to stand up. It's gonna take every one of us to defeat the globalists. Why is the ciface roadwork, climbing change, quantum mechanics? Do they expect us to believe any of this scientism?
The seeds unrest of and soul. The rate of deception has fallen, and now the roots of state sponsor Canada are starting our soil. I'm talking to you, Randy Gunning. You need to do something. You work here on this infinite flat plane of existence for a reason. You're not liking the other. The world needs to hear your voice. Join my colostrand and to Canada will make them up. We're going to again wake up. You can support the Nusha maur by donating to our patreon Nosha miss creating the news got a
lot of great rewards on there. Couzies, dark boards, bumber stickers, window decals. Well you're at it. Don't forget to pick yourself up some no bono sucks using our promo code nasso wise once again, that's promo code an A S A l I E s he Then, mister dumpster, I hope you're hungry, because I have a big bag of ship for your dumpster mouth. Yeah them right? Hello, Hello, he's there, big foot fetch you didn't think? Oh I had a second bucket of snikes. It's
not funny. Oh were you out here talking to the dumpster again? No, I wasn't talking to the dumpster, talking around the dumpster. Can I ask you a weird question? Is this going to be like is that dog sind which debate? Because I think it'd be best if we just know it's nothing like that promise? Okay, Shoot? Do you think pets really love us and see us as their adopted animal parents or did we just brainwash them into loving us? Is this about your lizard? What was his name?
Ripta? What's the matter with Ripta? Nothing? Probably? I don't know. It's just something a customer said to me. And now I'm worried that maybe reptar would be happier if they were living with their lizard buddies out in Arizona or whatever. Well, that may be true. I think it'd be pretty hard for n iguana to make new iguana friends, especially at Riptile's age. Are iguana retirement communities a thing? Ah? No, that'd be weird.
But I'll tell you what. We've got more than enough crickets around here. Don't we take him a few thousand and let Riptile go crazy on him. He'll forget all about his troubles, thanks, Millie. Oh and this here is Chauncey Biscuits. He's going to be staying with us for a few days. The fuck he is? What? It's a kit? Right? Maybe? Yeah, that's what I thought. A customer dropped him off for observations. I take him home with me, But Randy's allergic to cats.
Constant here be like, oh, you can eat buffet. It's just a few days. I don't see what the big deal is. You want to be responsible for the death of a dozen Teddy Bear hamsters? Gayle, do you know? Don't mean to be harsh, but Millie, I get it. Sure you'll figure something out. Oh and Gail, don't forget your crickets going round and round circle endlessly. Get nowhere? What everyone? Enough?
Are you with me? Okay, you just sit tight. I'm gonna scrape out the situation, and the second I know the coast is clear, I'll come back for you. Huh, That's what I was thinking too. I'll do my best. I'll be right back. Welcome back to heliocentric fantasies. It's me Karen, and today i'd like to ask you to ask yourself if time can be a flat circle? Why can't earth? Imagine for a moment that all six thousand years of time were held together within a spiritual dome or
fermament. Now I ask you again to ask yourself if time is able to be held together by such a firmament, when the Earth is self be abound by these stains ands? Hey babe, Hey, look at this bullshit? Two hundred thousand views? How is she? I don't know what about the one you posted this morning? What's it? At nine? So basically nobody watched it? What's that sound? Crickets? A whole bunch of them?
Milly, let me bring some home so I could let to throw these on the barby might will you at least keep them in the garage or something. I need to be able to focus without its sounding like fucking nighttime in here. Oh sure, sure, sure sure I had left something out in the car anyway. Alpha swag lablet to comment on Karen's new video. Alpha swag lad you leave a comment on Like everything Karen posts. They're almost as obsessed as Bite my Botto too. I know I love them. Check it out.
Disclaimer. I decided to watch this video based on a friend's recommendation. Afterward, I felt compelled to do whatever I could to prevent anyone else from watching this video. The poor sound quality and editing made viewing it almost unbearable. The music seem to run long for no reason. If I were Karen, I would probably just quit making flat Earth videos because there are probably better flat Earth documentarians out there who people should be watching instead. Hilarious, right,
I mean, hater's gonna hate. We get lots of negative comments on our videos too, Yeah, but those are either a fake or beat people who don't know what they're talking about. You can't put anything out into the world these days about getting mocked by some anonymous dumbfuck from Massachusetts sitting in front of a computer screen, stroking his beard and he knows buck all about anything. Fuck him? Him? Who him everyone, and now millions of people
are making flat earth videos. So the hell is anyone supposed to be able to get the word out about it. What we need is something revolutionary, something fucking mind blowing, something that just has no choice but to go viral. I have an idea. I swear. If you're talking about walking around with a fish tank, I'm just saying, it's the easiest way to communicate the flat earth theory, and that's gotta be goal number one. I get that. I just don't you don't want. I think there might be some
faults in your logic, That's all I'm saying. How many views are we at now? Nine ninety two? Dang, I was hoping maybe we got a few more while we were talking Click it again? Do you really think we've been shadow band? Absolutely? The timing's too perfect for it to be a coincidence. Think about it. Almost as soon as we start taking off, something happens and then we come crashing back down to Earth. What kind of bullshit is that? A shadow ban? That's what kind of bullshit that
is. One of our videos has almost two million views, two million. Now our new video is at what nine hundred and ninety three. Oh, I hate the Deep State? Is the b video really? At two million views? Pretty much? Check it out? One million, six hundred thousand and sixty three. Wow. Once played again for old time's sake, I say we play it ten more times for old time's sake. It's Rando back with another Rando rant. If you're driving while you're watching this, you better
buckle the fuck up. Get this. Based on the relative density and wing size, bees shouldn't be able to find. In fact, their ability to fly directly contradicts the wars A physics and most specifically, some motion they've been feeding us for our entire lives. Oh, it's just this little thing they like to call gravity. Ever heard of it? I just want to go on the record right now and say that I ready dunning in one hundred percent anti gravity. As for video plays, Randy and Gale both stare at the
screen with a mix of disbelief and nostalgia. This is quite possibly the most important thing they've ever done, the thing which may one day be the only surviving part of their legacy. Laugh if you want, but that video has almost two million views. The fuck you ever done? That? Got two million views? Good way for you? Two Flat Earth is Nap a Freemason written and created by Jeremy Ellot, act a direction by Danielle Ellet. The
opening and closing theme for two Flat Earthers are both by Glad Rags. Additional music provided by Baggio Alvarado, Randy Greer, Louison and for Blue Dot Sessions special thanks to our associate producers Daniel Naruta and Anthony Sigmund Lowering. Be sure to check out our other shows, The Subjective Truth and The One Stars. If you'd like to help Good Point make more weird audio fiction, then visit
patreon dot com forward slash good Point. If you enjoy it listening to this episode of Two Flat Earth's Kidnap a Freemason, please leave us a rating, review, codex, or riddle on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get podcasts. If you aren't able to leave a rating or review, then please go into your backyard, the street, or a field and shout compliments
about the show. If you plan on leaving a one star rating or review on the podcast, we recommend instead that you simply fuck off and listen to something else