His Dick Looks Like a Pine Cone (TNG S1E3)

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Welcome to the greatest generation, the next generation. It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys who are just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast. I'm Ben Harrison. I'm Adam Pranica. I'm feeling a little bit embarrassed about my collar.

It's a big hole. It's a bigger neck opening that I'm used to wearing. I think folks watching the stream will find this very unusual for me. I usually wear a very n very tight neck, like like I'm a preacher. Right. That kind of neck, you know? Is there A sinner here looking for salvation. You know what I could do it myself just by just by pinching the back, see? Yeah. Just get like a binder clip back there. I'm looking for one in my desk. You know what you've got, Adam? You've got a boat neck.

It really reminds me of the USS Grissom, which uh you know, I have an uncanny feeling reminds me of the USS T. कर दो कर दो Yeah. Here's the thing, when you get stationed on a ship, I think you probably have some pretty high hopes for that name. Like, is it cool is probably a top-line consideration, but also Is it easy to say? Has to be on that list and pretty high, right?

Yeah. I think you you get like up and east in Europe and that T S combination is just yeah more and more common in every fucking word. Yeah. I think famously there's a phonetical pronunciation in I don't remember what Asian country, but it sounds like errrr. Like like that sound, that lrr, like kind of kind of an L and an R and an A sound at the same time. It's like kind of you're you're making a thing at the back of your throat that the English language never attempts.

Yeah. I mean you probably don't wanna be stationed on that ship either if you have a hard time with that pronunciation. Yeah, if you if you don't come from a culture with a a tonal language, you're screwed. I thought about going by Adam Lewis for a very long time because throughout my life so many people struggled with the pronunciation of my last name. You've never had that problem with yours. I get Harris way more often than you would think though. How embarrassing.

Really, really often people read my name and say Harris. So You know? People just lack the energy to finish the entire word. Bunch of lazy folks out there. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of lazy bones. Uh I have now draped the back of my t-shirt over my shoulders to tighten up this collar. I'm looking a little more normal now. Looking yeah, they were looking good. As long as I don't move I should be okay.

I have to say the Grissom model is photographed far more uh flatteringly in this episode than it is in uh in the movie. Because we never get it from the front in this episode, right? It's always in profile or from the stern. Yeah. It looks better from there. It does. Yeah. I mean every ship has an angle. I was reading about it and the dedication plaque that's notably in Cyrillic.

Unusual for a couple of things. It's in Cyrillic. It is not on the bridge of the ship because they don't they don't go to the bridge in the scene that you see it. They're like looking at Yeah, how could they? C C T V of the bridge. And apparently it says that the ship was built in the USSR. That's science fiction. A lot of great aircraft manufactured in the USSR over the years. Yeah. Just look up Weird Antonov Plane on the internet and you'll you'll have a lot of fun with that. Yeah.

Uh you'll run out of glue putting together those plastic models. They had a good four years left in'em when this episode aired. No kidding. Yeah.

So maybe we should get into it. Maybe we should jump right in. It is season one, episode three The Naked Now. Cards log tells us that they're heading for The research vessel I'm gonna struggle with this every time, Ben. Silkovsky? Silkovsky, yeah? Silkovsky? Yeah. Silkovsky. Science vessel S Silkov This is a summer camp canoe class starship studying a collapsing star. The messages are dismaying.

something is wrong, is what is indicated by them, but they don't really know what, and so when they dial after you get through the preamble about how this is gonna cost you seventy eight cents a minute, but will be on your telephone billing statement as a discrete entertainment phone line. A very sultry lady picks up the phone. Starts talking dirty to Lieutenant Commander Data. I hope you have a lot of pretty boys on board, because I'm willing. Thank you. And waiting.

There's a sound of something busting at the end of this call and what data describes it as is impossible. Just how impossible is it been for an emergency hat to be blown on uh a research vessel. I don't think that's the right word, data. Is it impossible because w you wouldn't hear it? Is that why it's impossible? But then how does he know what that sounds like? I think the word that data's looking for is unfortunate.

You're you're saying it wasn't a metaphysical impossible, it was uh it was a one cannot imagine the frame of mind one would have to be in in order to do such a thing impossible. I really feel terrible for even calling this out as there are ten years worth of episodes where I'm using the wrong word. Ha ha ha ha ha! at a particular moment uh that anyone could go back and listen to. So I should really hold my horses there. Data uses a couple of contractions in this episode, I know.

I don't know if they'd established that as a thing yet. I don't want to make this a word police episode. Here we are.

Riker calls Data and Geordie and uh Yara to go over to the ship and when they arrive, it's a red alert for cleanliness, Bill. would call. A wild party? It is looking kinda like your parents' house if you threw a house party when they were on a trip to Cleveland, but you didn't have the montage of cleaning it all up and and putting it back right before they got home.

This just makes my skin crawl. I I famously have been known in my group of friends to be someone who cleans up during the end of a house party before everyone has left. I really couldn't deal with this. You famously never stress anyone out toward the end of a house party. Look, they're gonna get the message that it's time to go somehow. It it's either me cleaning up or me going, How do you feel about the end of this party right now? That's another way to do it.

I liked that Riker grabbed his his away team without even talking to Picard about it. Yeah. They have dropped into a working relationship already on this very early mission. How often do you think Picard does that chopped thing where he selects Riker's ingredients? We should keep track of this going forward. forward. Right. Like he it is Riker's challenge to make a go to way mission using the crew members arrayed before him.

Commander Riker, assemble the Dustbuster Club with Jordi, Yah and Two pounds of pork tenderloin. And he's like, Yeah. Engage. And then you cut to the uh the confessional and he's like, You know, when I was struggling and I was homeless and turning tricks, I never imagined I would be able to put a Dustbuster club together with anything, so Two pounds of pork tenderloin? Bring it on, baby.

There is a TV feed of the bridge that Data and Riker find. And uh when they get it going, they see this open emergency hatch.

And I think long ago we started describing our desire to be blown out of one of these things. And there is a real conversation about whether or not one is blown or sucked. from a hole like this. It I we've been doing it right the whole time. That's what I learned. Yeah. I mean it's kind of the opposite of blow job, right? Like it is is much more a sucking experience than a blowing experience for the provider. A common mistake, sir.

I wonder if a hatch is involved, you are blown. But if your ship is shot Yeah. And a whole breach happens, you are then sucked. I bet there's a distinction there. I think that it's two sides of the same coin. I think you are blown and sucked. You're sucked into the vacuum of space, you're blown out by the air inside the compartment.

Okay, here's a question. Say you are blown out of that hole, but somehow your body is pulled back in. Uh-huh. Are you blown back into the hole or are you sucked back onto your ship? I mean it depends on the somehow, you know. Is that is that a tractor beam? Is that somehow space filled up with atmosphere and your ship was evacuated of atmosphere entirely?

This is maybe the stupidest question I've ever asked you on the show and that is really saying something. Is there any sort of vacuum device that you can use in space that could suck something back into a a ship with a hole in it? There isn't, is there? I think I read somewhere that there's like one molecule of hydrogen per cubic inch in space or something like that. There's nothing for the fan blades to to hang on to to to suck.

Yeah. Nothing to get some grip shit on. But I guess if you had no molecules of hydrogen, that would technically be more of a vacuum.

Right. Hey, if if I opened up a hole on one ed of the bridge Yeah, sure. Okay. No, I mean not exactly. What I'm saying is, okay, so the the bridge is sealed and there's one big hole in it, and there's a door there. But what if on the other side of that door I opened up another breach? Uh-huh. If I open the door in between those two areas, is there a sucking action from the evacuation of air on the other side of that door if I did it at the same time? Right.

I think there would be. Yeah. Is that how I suck a person back into the hole? I think we could probably figure that out. Let's uh let's put a pitch together and we'll take it to Kurtzman and see what happens. Uh there is nothing I want to pitch Kurtzman. I want to pitch uh what's the lab in LA that we've been invited to? Uh oh. Yeah, yeah. Who would know better than than those who specialize in propulsion? They've probably got like a like a wind tunnel and they could do this for us. For real.

You know what they specialize in blowing and not sucking, hence the name propulsion.

I love that the camera zooms in on this hole ominously. They hear from Yar who is down in engineering and she reports that that has become an undefrosted uh walk in freezer. As is the set that Geordie LaForge walks into, which I just love this set. Like every time I look at this, I love it. The the frozen people like in positions of repose. Like they were Chilling the most before they were chilling the most? They really look Roman statuesque, right?

Yeah. Like I half expected to see a lady like holding up hair on her shoulder, like languidly. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Somebody with their nose and arm knocked off. When Yar reports that everyone's frozen, she's kind of a subject matter expert here, right? I expected a little more juice to her description, given that. Well, they hang up the phone before she can be like well and that, you know, means a lot to me personally given some of the recent adventures we've experienced.

I mean, she has volunteered a lot about herself in the episode we've experienced with her previously. the door in the quarters that Jordy is walking through. I'm not really sure why he went in there. It's just crew quarters, but uh yeah, he's he's walking around in there and he he hears the door to the shower kind of thunking on something. It keeps trying to close and uh not being able to. And he opens it up and another topsical person falls into his arms.

And uh we learned that eighty people have died aboard the Chilkovsky. We are told that someone set the environmental controls to do this. But Ben, if you're hosting an orgy, isn't that exactly the opposite direction of where you want to set the thermostat? Like you don't want it Letterman cold in there. You want to heat it up, don't ya?

You do, but you also like I mean when you're when you work a big room, you know, like a three hundred seat room, like you've gotta get the climate going before people show up. It's always cold in there before before you start packing it with bodies and uh all those British thermal units start f flying off of people. This is not a three hundred person or two though. No, it was a it was a pretty tame affair. By my uh standard anyways.

After the theme, Picard's log tells us that the research information is being transferred over to Enterprise, and he admits. There are some risks being this close to a collapsing star, but for now they're gonna uh hold position. You see this all the time, a star gets cancelled and uh everyone just sort of takes two big steps back. Leave me out at all that drama.

Yeah, all those people are sliding into the DMs of the planets going like, wow, like must be pretty wild right now. Anyth any tea? Anything you can share? You will read it. I am la cute as a board. You a bore. Picard visits Beverly in Sixth Bay, and she is pretty stumped about what could have happened. Doesn't really have a speculation and Picard tosses off a bunch of ideas, but without anything to go on

She's not really uh willing to entertain any one of them as like a likely explanation. So they're like, okay, well let's just be super careful about it. When the away team comes back, like turn the dial of decontamination all the way up to eleven. And once they come in, we'll just get'em right to Sick Bay and you'll scan the shit out of'em and we'll figure something. If I'm Beverly here, the the thing I'm definitely telling Troy and Picard is, hey.

Can you maybe get on the other side of my desk while I do this work? Instead of standing in like a ver like a a performative three shot tableau? 'Cause it makes me uncomfortable with w when one person looms over over me at a computer It makes my skin crawl, let alone two.

When I used to edit commercials and stuff for an ad agency and like the creatives would come around and like cluster around my edit bay to watch a cut, like absolute worst feeling o of all time. And uh I'm so glad that those days are behind me. I mean, to a certain extent that got burned out of me. Like as a as a copywriter and communicator, like working in a corporate office, like Yeah.

That that would squeak me out, but like when I turned to do an editor, I just became used to that. Like that's how you screen your footage. I never liked it though.

Everybody's in Six Bay and they seem good. Beverly's scanning them. She's like, Yeah, you know, like, I don't know what happened over there, but it certainly didn't come over here. We're trusting the process of transport because once you blow them through the filtration of the transporters, you're feeling pretty safe. Speaking of looming behind people, Riker is now doing this to Beverly. He's right in her nook.

Real question. Do you think this sort of composition is meant to prepare us for the closeness we will experience? Not very far from now between crew people. Because I w I want to say, like, I think what you'd want to do is make it even more shocking when that begins. A thing that I was very conscious of watching this one was how many times they had to come up with why two coworkers would have physical contact with each other.

Yeah. Which I don't think occurred to me in uh year one of Greatest Gen. I guess they're just they're they're getting TV close with each other and Jordy's kind of a mean drunk and he's like complaining about the the climb. Why are you perspiring, Lieutenant? I suppose because you have it too hot in here. What else would it be? Back on the bridge, Riker hits up data for kind of unusual record search. All he's got to request is something about a person showering in their clothes.

He's really lucky that it's data he's asking for help with this research project, right? Yeah.'Cause that seems like a tab you don't want to have open under most circumstances. I know. I feel like data will be discreet with this, but he says like this is going to take several hours, which I I think is an amazing estimate to be able to give. Like I will look through all information available to me on this ship. to find person taking shower in clothes, but that will take several hours.

Are we to understand that he is searching through all of recorded history, you know, when Starship started going on missions, like from that point on. Like every log, every everything that's ever been written down about anything. Yeah, that's unfortunate for uh for the one person who really enjoyed shrinking their jeans when they first got them. Tim's log. Uh got a fresh pair of jeans. Nothing I love more than uh taking a shower, wearing my denim. Data just goes select all and drags to trash.

So Geordie, having been confined to Six Bay, uh gets up and takes that cumbersome old com badge off his chest and wanders out of the room. And off into the hallway. And Crusher notices this almost immediately. Security is sent after him, but this hard target search is going to have to take place over the entire ship because He doesn't have his com badge, so the ship doesn't know where he is.

I really like this way of storytelling because I think a lot of modern Star Trek shows would give us a scene where a comm badge is given to a crew person and maybe they talk about accidentally swallowing it. Or whatever. But in that scene there is a crew person being trained on what it does. And I like over the last two episodes, this is a brand new technology for a Star Trek fan. What they've seen is this being used as a communicator and a monitoring device, and when it is removed from a person

They are suddenly very difficult to locate or communicate with. And I like how that's not just said, it is shown. Right, Beverly doesn't call up Yar and go, uh Geordie took off his comm badge, which is used as a a tracking device uh and so now we can't find him anywhere on the ship because he is not wearing the comm badge, which is also a communicator. You know what? If Doctor Cresher wanted to filibuster what is clearly her fault

Like she did a bad job in confining Geordie. You gotta lock those doors, right? Gotta lock the doors. Maybe maybe a handcuff to the biobed, you know? That's a tough look. I get it, but yeah. I told you about going out to Joshua Tree and taking my daughter to the ER at midnight and the guy next to us was handcuffed to the bed. That's great. Did uh did your daughter ask for one of those? Uh Yeah.

I mean, I I thought about giving her one. She's pre verbal, so she was mostly just like going crazy because she's a baby and she wasn't asleep. but uh yeah fun times Honestly, Joshua Tree Emergency Room could be a really fun version of the pit, you know? The lighter pit. Yeah, like a like a spin off series. Yeah.

I like it. Wesley is the only person on the ship that does know where Geordie is because Geordie is in Wesley's quarters checking out his science fair project. which uh is the miniature tractor beam. And I guess also just a personal project was is the Captain Picard's speakin' spell. Soundboards really had a moment, I feel like in the early two thousands, right? The Schwarzenegger soundboard specifically, I think I think was super fun.

Every morning Zoo crew did a prank call or two using that one. This one doesn't seem fun or funny like that one. Like, neither of them seems to think there's any problem with either the technology or Jordy acting so weird. He just sort of staggers out of there. He's like, I gotta get cool. This ain't the place to do it, Wesley. I don't know, man. Like why did he go there to begin with? was a question on my mind.

He's just like wandering around and I dun yeah, I don't know. I mean the next place we find him is in the observation lounge. And this is another like why is he there kind of moment. And I really loved how creepy this scene was. He's just like staring out the window and Tasha Yard comes in. And he is saying all kinds of stuff about like, you know, suppressing the wild things that are coming into his mind. It's a slow scene and it makes it really creepy in a way that

Uh it's a pretty light episode. Like it's a I think it is like an episode that is generally pitched as a silly trek episode with But this scene is like a little bit of a little bit of a little Genuinely skin crawly to me. Geordie, my job is security. Tasha, please. I mean, they're in the observation lounge bin and Geordie has a lot of thoughts about what he can and cannot observe.

Do you think two people is enough for a McLaughlin group?'Cause this is where that tends to happen. But it's just the two of'em. So I don't know if it rises to the level of being one. Yeah. He wants the simplicity of human sight and that's not really something she can help him with, but uh he he gets her his hands out and runs them over her face and uh and so she's got it.

Th this is an awkward question, Ben. Do you think A blind person just has enhanced privileges and permissions, W slash R slash T touching other people. Cause that's how they see, man. You can't get upset. That's just how they're trying to see you. Man, no blind person has ever asked to run their hand over my face just to get a sense of what I look like. Do you feel a little bit bad about that? I might be in like, hey, don't you want to know what I look like?

Hey the uns unsighted community? What the fuck? Do you just assume I'm shitty to look at? What if I just reached out and grabbed their hand and rubbed it over my face? See me! I don't want to look at that Hey Ben, is that what feeling scene is? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Mm. It isn't, is it? I got it wrong. Is it seeing felt?

That's just looking at a muppet. It's feeling seen. Yeah. You have to emphasize it that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So Yar is reporting to Picard in Six Bay about what Geordie was going through when she ran into him and she's looking a little bit sweaty around the temples now. But again, Crusher is like, there's nothing wrong with him. Like, it seems like he should have a fever based on what he looks like. No offense, Jordy, but I'm sure you can feel that. Body temp is not elevated. No disease. It's interesting how just

Positioning your body in an unusual way in a scene makes the entire vibe very unusual. Like Jordy sitting cross legged in the middle of a biobed in six bay as they're examining him feels n like something's not right. Yeah. An adult person doesn't do that in a medical context. I think this is kind of w uh like kind of the end of the creep show vibes in the episode. Like it g it gets sillier from here, but the scene like the one before it, very weird and creepy and it's where

We are reminded that this is a a mystery. Like why would eighty people kill themselves? Is it related to what's going on with Geordie? We just still don't know. I wonder what Picard thinks about mysteries at this point. I don't know. We'll get to it sometime. He doesn't say anything out loud about it. Troy thinks maybe he's drunk. Seems kinda drunk. This is an unfortunate bit of dialogue for the beta zoid bloodhound here. Yeah. Like she's just stating the obvious again.

Yeah. If I didn't know better. Yeah. Yes, and uh DC Fontana had her name removed from the writing credits of this episode, having wrote the first two drafts because she thought that Gene Roddenberry just turned it into a sex romp where all the female characters are used for their sexuality and not doing interesting things actually. I wonder if there's anything about that guy's reputation that that seems unseemly. I don't know. It might be worth looking into also.

Cut to the bridge where Data is looking into that thing Riker asked him about, and he's able to narrow down the search. To an incident that happened on the TOS Enterprise, there are some very interesting similarities between their experiences and what's happening right now on the D. But uh good news there's a cure, Ben, so if a card's like Let's send the ingredients to that over to Dr. Crusher and Six Bay and wrap up this problem. Do you think they've considered naming this episode Parallels?

I mean that would really frustrate a writer a couple of years from now. So yeah, they they look into the library computer and see that this is a a helping of TOS lasagna that's been reheated in a microwave and Picard is like, hey Beverly, great news. Cure discovered. It's uh it's right here in the history books. Start whipping up batches.

We cut over to Deanna Troy's quarters where for some reason Tasha Yar has broken in and is trying on her clothes. She wants a makeover, but now is not a great time for that. What do you think about this? for this one It's not for you. When they touch hands as Troy's trying to like gently encourage her to leave her home and set down all of her things. It's clear that something has been transferred between them. And uh right after Yar gets on out of there.

And Troy snitches on her for being drunk at work. Yeah. Infected or intoxicated, it doesn't matter which at this point. She's under the influence of something. I didn't like this for Troy, but then I realized she's a mandated reporter. She probably has to say. There is shockingly little made about the ship's security chief.

being compromised here. Like after so many unusual incidents for the rest of the episode, there's a action reaction happening. But at the end of this one, Picard orders nothing. As a result. He and Riker like walk away from Data, who's still at that backsation on the bridge looking at the computer, and there's another moment where the episode just lets a a character be in the moment for a little while, like that

That lingering shot on data going like Snootful? What is what are they talking about? Is uh is great. Great little character moment that doesn't have any dialogue or direction. It's just Brent Spiner like do what data would do in this moment. Cut over to Six Bay where Wesley's showing off his mini tractor beam to his mom. But Mom wants Wesley grounded because whatever's going around on the ship, she doesn't want him to get.

He's complaining about the heat and before she has time to suggest taking off the gigantic sweater he's wearing, she's distracted by a phone call from Picard and Hasta go report to him. How often does this happen in your household between you and your wife? Because when my wife says she's cold and she is wearing very little, or if she says she's hot and she's wearing two chunky sweaters on top of each other, you can't say much, Ben, as a helpful husband.

As a helpful husband, I have learned to just be a total noncombatant in the temperature wars because they are ongoing no matter what temperature it is. Like there is nothing that I can do to help the situation. When my wife says something about her internal temperature, you see me restrain myself and I ha ha ha ha ha. Kind of way. I want to give feedback, but I can't, Ben. Speaking of that, did you clock the moment that Picard got it? Because I did not.

There is usually a sound associated with the uh the giving of this virus, but yeah, in his case it was hard to pick up. Yar's still slinking around and she sees something she likes, a uh science officer just wandering through engineering uh gets a make out from her. Seems like she's kind of the super spreader on the ship. No pun intended.

There's something very fun about the like a two handed kiss is so often a, you know, underneath the face on both sides, not a I'm choosing watermelons from the produce department. And like Lifting it up on opposite sides the way Yargo's in for this kiss. It's incredible. It's like she's gonna twist off his head. She's a statuesque woman and she's like a few inches taller than him and uh she really, you know, takes command of the situation. Yeah. Exciting way.

The real commander of the situation is Captain Picard, who is wondering why it is taking so long to get the data transferred from the Tsilkovski. And data's like, well, you know, every file I have to write the name of the ship in to like open it up and just takes forever. This is a reminder that it is dangerous to remain so near this collapsing star. You really want to distance yourself from a situation like this, otherwise people may associate you with the drama.

and want you to explain yourself. Right. You didn't really have anything to do with that star in that way at that time. It's not your job.

Anyways, we cut down to the engineering play set where uh the only two people who apparently work there. are called away. The chief engineer, Sarah McDougal, is called to the bridge by Captain Picard, and then Picard sends the man, the myth, the legend, Jim Shimoda, to Six Bay and Wesley wanders in and he's like, What w I can't go? There like literally two people work here. So if I leave, there will be nobody minding the shop and Wesley's like, I got you, buddy. You can take off.

Is Shimoda the worst babysitter ever? The sort of babysitter that believes anything the child tells him about what their parents would believe is okay for them to do. I thought this was insane. This is the worst thing Shimoda will ever do, right? Yeah, by far. Does it is d is it a handshake with Wesley that gets him all all caught up?

It's a good question. I mean, they both seem to know each other. Like they're familiar. You are you're a friend of Jim Shimoda, and all of a sudden you're granted permission to run the whole engineering deck while while all of the engineers are away. Yeah. When you're a friend of Jim Chimoda, does that mean uh you're into some recreational drug use? Is that the code for that? I guess so, yeah. It's kind of the opposite.

Yeah. So if you go to Star Trek Las Vegas and you're curious about if someone's carrying some gummies or whatever. Right. You're like, Hey, you a friend of Jim Shimoda? And then what's the what's the answer to that? Incredible! Ha ha ha. All right. Lock it in. Ha ha. Uh so McDougal shows up on the bridge and uh this is the first Picard is hearing of her existence. I don't think he says her name even. He's like, what what are you doing here? Who are you?

It's got to be so embarrassing if you're McDougal. Given like the reputation Picard has cultivated in an episode and a half for being a real hard ass. About minor things. This is not how you want to be remembered if you're McDougal. No, it really isn't. I mean The thing about somebody who rep who cultivates the hard ass reputation is that they're also sort of immune to this being a bad look for them in a fucked up way. Like we should all be like

Hey Picard, that's your chief engineer. You should know her name. But somehow we're all so afraid of his fucking attitude. You gotta stop subtweeting me on the show, Ben. Yeah. It's hurtful. Listen, when when you don't have to have Wendy and Rob's name written on the back of your guitar every time we have a production meeting, I'll stop subtweeting you.

Just then on the 1MC, like it's great. The bang bang of this scene is great because McDougal reports, Picard's like, I don't even know who you are or why you're here. And then on the 1MC, Picard hears his own voice giving command of the ship to Wesley. It's a huge escalation. The card's log tells us so. This is a huge escalation. The stakes are really getting quite high now. I thought Beverly was working on a cure.

Wesley has got himself locked in the engineering bay, and Jim Shimoda stumbles right into the force field that Wesley has erected before swearing fealty to the new acting captain and becoming his accomplice. And Picard is like McDougal, if that's what your real name is, and Riker, you guys have got to fucking get this kid out of there and get the ship back under my c command. Like it's insane that a speakin' spell tricked the my voice is my password thing. What are we doing here?

On the bridge, Warf and Data are reporting even more weird behavior happening all over the ship. And Picard hears some of this personally from Tasha Yar who blows in a speakerphone call to him. I'm pretty busy right at the moment. Jean Luke. Picard tells Data to go get Yar and bring her to Six Bay. She's clearly needing some medical attention. And also.

for all department heads to report to the bridge. Doesn't he understand that there's sort of an outbreak of something, and that gathering a bunch of people to the ship's most important place is probably not a great idea? It's interesting because this episode is both post COVID because it is far in the future, but also pre COVID. We didn't know that at the time. No, we didn't. We would have made different decisions, wouldn't we? The glow up on Tasha Yar is sort of like belly dancer meets

Data? Like she she kind of matched his energy with her hair, right? There's a middle ground between like the wet hair of a Japanese horror film and the titillation. of a Tasha Yar Naked Now episode, right? Yeah. Do you think you could figure out where one turns into the other, I think it is somewhere in the millimeter of space in between Britney Spears' low cut pants and Tasha Yar low cut pants. Yeah.

Yeah. There is a lot going on in this scene, seducely, between Yar and Data. And Yar over two episodes has given us little breadcrumbs about her backstory, how terrible it was, uh how much trauma she feels about it. And in this scene she makes the case that her terrible childhood is a main reason for her desire to just experience love.

She just experienced the opposite of what she grew up feeling. And once data confirms that he is a fully programmed sex robot, it is clear that Tasha is going to get exactly what she wanted. A broad variety of pleasuring. You Well that's exactly what I hoped. Do you think Yar is taking entirely or is she giving in this moment?

is an interesting question because fully functional does sort of imply that he can like achieve But also I feel like the superpower of a lady in being potentially multi-orgasmic and the superpower of data being like somebody who can go for as long as you want him to and never get tired feels like two things that uh should never be together in the same place at the same time for like safety reasons.

There's a line of dialogue later where Data talks about all the compara like he compares the the stuff about his body to humans. You know, prick me, do I not leak or whatever? Is that moment in direct reference to this moment? Is that telling us that he busts? Yeah. Jack me, Captain, and do I not bust? A lot of unanswered questions here, Pen. Riker tells the bridge about the isolinear chip situation that

Shimoda has caused. They're trying to like short out the power that Wesley is using to power his thing, but it's going to take some time. McDougal needs. More time. And Troy comes in and she's like, Hey This is like pretty wild, Riker. Like I'm feeling everything. Like the the liquid courage that is coursing through every mind on the ship. I've never seen this side of humanity. It's so Arousing.

Riker is just trying to work and this is the exact worst time for an ex to show up and cause drama at the workplace. Like good for Riker being the gentleman, scooping her up like Tarzan and taking her to Six Bay, but there's a moment here where you just don't know what direction this scene is gonna go and how badly Riker's gonna be embarrassed by what she does. There is like a passage of time at it because we get the moment where Crusher tries to give the cure to Geordie and it doesn't work.

He also doesn't want it. Right. And and my headcanon is that in that interval, Riker did take Troy to her quarters. accommodate the desires that she had and then took her to crush. I don't believe that at all. I think that's a dark read on the situation.

Don't think so? No way. Riker is a hard one to pin down in this episode because he has a lot of physical contact. Like this is this like when he comes into six bay, this is the scene where Beverly realizes that she's now been exposed also because he touched her, but he doesn't seem to get affected till really late in the episode in a like this guy can hold his fucking liquor kind of way. Or he has extremely high Immune response.

He's been into so many ports of call all over the galaxy that his body is just kind of ready for anything. Yeah. I mean, his dick looks like a pine cone, but also like that represents his ability to resist all of these things.

So Beverly infected, Riker infected, and the computer's like completely fucked up and Riker's like, Yeah, like we're all gonna die unless you can cure this disease, Beverly, because uh unless those computer chips are put into that computer The star is gonna explode and we're not gonna be able to get out of here.

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The thinking in Six Bay is that everyone's gotta be quarantined because people can't stop touching each other. But I love Riker's move here after being told this. Like Riker's clearly infected, Beverly knows it. Riker's like I don't got time for that. We got a ship to save. Like none of that's gonna matter. If we blow up He takes a similar leap to uh Wesley in the next seed because

Picard is like odd the face tab with him and he's like, just give me back my fucking ship kid and and Wesley's like, but what are you gonna do? Like what what's the next thing? And Picard's like, I need my ship back so I can do a tractor beam on the on the fuck, what how do you say it? It's Olkovsky? See Olkovsky? Anyways, that's what I gotta do. And Wesley's like, cool idea, I'm gonna do it. This is one of the many parts of your life I don't envy. Just the idea of trying to explain to a child.

Anything reasonable? Like, Picard is trying to negotiate with an idiot. So you mean I'm drunk? I feel strange, but also good. And like he steps on that conversational landmine of like just referring and passing to the idea of a tractor beam makes Wesley hang up the FaceTime. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. One of the things that is gonna happen today. I feel like now would be a bad time for the star to collapse. Oh sorry to say, Adam, uh that is when the star collapses.

Picard is so pressed that he's like talking to himself at this point. What the hell is happening in engineering? He and Worf are really getting along like a house on fire up on the bridge. They both just like hate everything about this in every way. If Worf ever got infected with this thing, he would be a problem. Right. No. But don't cligons have also super high tolerance? Like isn't blood wine like it will like kill you unless you take a a special enzyme beforehand? I guess so.

Part of the fun factor of this episode is that all the characters infected are not imposing. The way Worf is like machine from eight millimeter. Like there's something dark about him getting infected with something like this that changes the tone of things utterly. So Riker and McDougal still struggling to turn off Wesley's force field. Meanwhile he has got the Tolkovsky in a tractor beam, and data stumbles onto the bridge. Smashed, like in both senses of the word.

And you know, now Picard is like it he he cannot roll his eyes far back enough in his head. He's so annoyed with everything. And Crusher comes up onto the bridge. She's gotta talk to him. A private matter. It's an urgent one. There's something Beverly says here that that um it felt like hearing it for the first time. She says he owes her. Yeah. He owes her a fucking I haven't had the comfort of a husband A man.

And Picard is trying his hardest to restrain himself from doing that with the stuttering and the whispering, but I couldn't stop thinking about this. Why does she think he owes her? I don't know. Something might have happened in their past and he had to go suddenly. Yeah, it sure seems that way. This is what I was talking about though, like he he wasn't drunk in the moment before he walked into the ready room and suddenly he's Mm.

You can't do something like that without Wharf noticing. I mean, Worf doesn't really notice a lot. But he clocks this and reports it to Riker, who says he'll handle it, among the many other things he's attempting to handle. Gotta say, Riker is doing a lot of work this episode, and he's impressive with how much of it he's able to do. He's keeping it together at this party. I mean you could say he's the one that's cleaning at the end of it. I think that's great.

Yeah, thanks thanks Rager. Uh so the star has now exploded and we can't get navigation controls online and Shimoda and Crusher are still in the nook. McDougall finally gets the shield down and goes in his scolds Shimoda about his use of isolinear chips. But like She's talking to the bridge and she's like, We gotta get these all back into the computer in the next fourteen minutes. It would take hours to do this. And

Wes comes up with the great idea that data can move super fast. Get him down here. He can take care of this. Riker perp walks him into engineering and gets him to work, but it's not seeming like he's going to have enough time, even with data's enhanced. speedy replugging in of the chips. Like they still need to make up a minute of time here. And that's the same thing.

when Wesley looks at his little portable repulsor beam, looks at the piece of star material hurtling toward Enterprise, back down to the thing, back up to the star material. He's doing drunk guy math. And we zoom in on Wesley's head and there's like a a a toy monkey playing cymbals. Yeah. He's starting to put it together.

I love that they have to kick McDougal in the balls one more time when she's like, It would take so long to do all the calculations for that and he's like, No, not if you're a boy genius like me. Beep boop beep boop beep. Yeah, I mean he's never asked asked permission for anything up until this point. He gets to work on that idea. Yeah. Speaking of work, Beverly has figured out the whole cure to the illness. She shoots up Jordy and Six Bay and he me he feels immediately better.

He is the guinea pig, and the second he feels better, she gives it to Picard and herself. Needle sharing, not a problem in this future. No, that's good, right? And she gives the hypo to Picard and is like, uh, go to engineering immediately. I'll get on cooking up more of my new formula. And Picard goes down there and just starts kind of indiscriminately spraying people without even asking. You think Picard senses in this moment that his window for fucking has closed?

It kind of felt like that's what he went to Six Bay for. Yeah. And then he was like, Oh, I guess we have to work shit. Yeah. Wesley's experiment works. It flings the Tsilkovsky into the star matter. Uh the ship explodes. The star matter does not. But that gives them the time for the last of the isolinear chips to be plugged in and the enterprise floors it out of there just in time. RSVP the USS Grissom. Also known as the USS Tsiolkovsky We barely knew her or liked her, really, for that matter.

Picard really lets Wesley have it. The cure that is. And the scene in engineering ends with Shimoda still sitting on the floor, which I don't think I've uh clocked before. I don't think he got it. I think they left him drunk. No, he gets shot up. I think Riker shoots him up. Yeah, he takes one. Alright, I must have been looking at my notes. You think they just punished Shimoda? Oh my god. You just get to sit in it, Shimoda. He's still sitting on the floor.

It's tough to be the the drunkest or only drunk person in a social situation. Yeah. That's awesome. Like you're the one person at the party that barfed on the couch. Like You're the one that took the hero dose of the gummy. Yeah. The lesson in this, according to Picard, is don't give in to temptation. That's what's going to be the path to this being a good crew. If we can all resist temptation. And Picard continued to resist it for time in Mamirium. look to me as your role model of celibacy

So everyone's got these high hopes for what's ahead. Why isn't Picard ordering everyone to take a shower? Because everyone returns to their stations, everyone has been sweating all day. Yeah. I was grossed out by this. Uh sometimes that's just how it is, man. I spent fifteen minutes outside yesterday putting a new car seat into my car and came back into the house like soaked through my t shirt with sweat. And wifey was like, We gotta go right now and I was like

Can I change shirts? And she was like, That's all you can do. Yeah. That's awful. Yeah, the cat. Thank you. I don't know. At the end of this episode, I think we just have one last thing.

To do. Well, a little business before we get to our P1s, Adam. Okay. And that is a segment I'm calling Finish the Limerick. We have a limerick in the show today that Data starts to say and Picard cuts him off. before he says a dirty word. I think we should we should riff up what the rest of the limerick could have been had data been allowed to continue. Okay. Remind me how the Limerick Goes.

There was a young lady from Venus whose body was shaped like a pen. Captain to security, come in! We're led to believe that that's gonna be penis, right? Like I think we could fill that one in, but then there's some more there's some more lines in every limb. Okay. An A A B B A rhyme structure here. So we need to come up with one more thing that rhymes with Venus and penis and and then two other things. She got to thrusting and then started busting? And her orbit reached its zenith?

When you're shaped like a bone, you'll never be alone. You'd be surprised at how long and how veinous. Oh, baby, oh, man. I I got another one. This is a little bit more Star Treky. She met up with Flauter and dipped it in water, and now people say she's the cleanest. That's perfect. I think that's the winner, Ben. Nicely done. Well. Well

Well it's uh time to open up a priority one message from Nantucket, Adam. And then we're going to be back with a trivia game where the stakes Could not be lower. Love it. Prior. I need a supplement. Yeah, it's extra. By the interest alone. be enough to buy this ship. Adam, we have a promotional message here. Goes like this. Hello FODs, fellow FOD here, inviting you to

If this is an emergency.com where Paul Zaek blogs super hard about autism, pop culture, and most importantly, very big feelings. Lego essays, you got it! TNG essays? Probably. At some point, on the off chance that there are other neurodivergent FODs, Paul would be honored to have you stop by. Tell your neurouniform friends. Ben, Adam, thanks so much for all the lols. Request, a supercut of Mbenga, my absolute favorite Strange New Worlds character saying amazing shit. Wow. Good request. Dark.

Please dispense some wisdom. Okay. Never get the house dressing. Gonna wanna try the omelet and the bacon. I'm a wolf. I don't know what I'm saying. I should probably go. But in the meantime, there is nothing. Technically, wrong with you. He does say all kinds of amazing shit. Uh the call to action is go to if this is an emergency.com to catch some big feelings today. Subscribe now. Yeah, this is Polisaic Substack, and uh you can read uh a bunch of their writing here.

I've been uh kind of like toying with the idea of getting back into Legos because of how much fun I had making my Lego Enterprise. So I think I might uh I might cruise over past if this is an emergency. Please hang up and go to if this is an emergency dot com. Then we got a personal priority one massage from Nick Dingman Dingman And it's to you, Ben.

Here's how that goes. Ben, I'm so sorry about Darwin. Last year I lost the best cat I ever had in a similar situation. My veterinarian and is my real life FOD who introduced me to the pod, Dr. Griffith. Wow. The next day you dropped off a heartfelt card, a loaf of sourdough, and another envelope for when I'm ready with this. And there is a link here. Oh boy. See here we are clicking on a a a strange link. This says my computer has a virus. Ooh, let me click this.

And it looks like a really nice uh handmade card. Uh on the front of the card it says After the Rain. And then on the uh interior face of the cover it says comes a rainbow and it's a picture of a rainbow. And then the message from Dr. Griffith is Sorry I killed your cat. I have to say, uh it would have been nice to get that from the vet. Yeah. who uh helped my my poor pup Darwin end his suffering. Yeah, I mean uh we've both been through it. Uh so many FODs have been through this. Yeah. Yeah.

A great vet is a really special person to have in your life. And I hope any of you out there who have one are letting them know that. And uh doing what you can to convey that because I mean, as hard as it is to go through what we've been through, Ben. Uh in a fucked up way, that was just a Tuesday for our vets, and that is just a big, big part of their professional lives.

Yeah, thank you for your service, Doctor Griffith. Thanks for spreading the word about the pod. Uh and thanks, Nick Digman, for that kind note. Dingman. This last one is from a listener. It's two the hosts. Hey B and A, congratulations on ten years of pod. A question for you. As professional TV watchers in the streaming era, ten years ago every show was on Netflix.

How has balkanization of TV and movie content into countless dog shit streaming apps affected your experiences of watching TV? I'll take my answer from the hot dog cart. Ooh, good question, a listener. Uh enjoy that dog. I have to say, the way we used to watch these shows was easier and for all of the complaints I have about the direction Netflix has gone as a as a company and for what remains over there in terms of stuff I actually watch, their player has always been the best one to me.

And one of the things that all of these streaming apps do for some completely fucked up reason is try to completely reimagine how the player will work. And so like different gestures on your remote or different buttons do different things and like nothing is quite what you expect. And uh in the case of Paramount Plus if you pause you can't like have the the freeze frame of the thing you're trying to watch in an absolutely infuriating way.

So I'd say overall, um, they are they are driving me toward the gray web and physical media as fast as I could possibly go. Yeah, I mean for my part I think it is it's great to have the variety of, you know, catalogs in all of these places full of thousands of things to watch. I think it's just made me more intentional. Like I can't spend time browsing.

these things to find something to watch. I'm gonna see what a friend watched on Letterbox and liked, and I'll go watch that. Like the madness of browsing has become Yeah. That's so impossible that it's almost like I don't really have streaming services at all anymore. Like'cause I just don't

engage with them that way. I'm Googling where a thing I want to watch is streaming and then I'm going directly there and I'm getting it. I'm like someone who's running an errand to go get milk and they're not being distracted by the items at the check stand that people buy impulsively. Can't do it. Well, uh thanks to everyone who got a priority one message on the show today, if you'd like to get one at the greatesttrek.com or podshop.biz. And get your own today. We really appreciate it.

Yeah, they help us support the production of the show.

Adam, it's time for a game show called Who Wants to Be a Chameleon? Incredible! Today's contestant is Adam Pranica, who is with us from Los Angeles, California. Lines are open for our August taping. So if you'd like to be a chimillionaire, please call in and test your knowledge of Jim Shimoda and actor Benjamin W. S. Lum, who portrayed him as Adam. Adam, in this game you will have four multiple choice trivia questions in ascending difficulty.

And ascending value. The first question is worth$100. The last is worth$2,000. If you make it to the$500 and$2,000 level, you have opportunities to lock in your winnings and walk away. But if you don't lock in your winnings and you guess wrong, you win nothing! They just took the hood off of me. I was just sitting at home moments ago and now I'm here. Who are you?

I'm Regis Filbin, and if you win big, you can use the money to buy any single item from Podshop.biz. So pick wisely as most items are in the twenty to fifty dollar range. I suggest the Shimoda collection. Items that celebrate our enjoyment of Ben Lum, Jim Shimoda, the celebrated conceptual artist Barbara Kruger, and no other thing. You're acting like you don't just get whatever you want from Podjap.biz using uh your own special offer code, Ben. Now let's play Who Wants to Be a Chemillionaire?

Okay. And now for the$100 question. What role did Jim Shimoda hold on the Enterprise D? Was it A. Crewman? B. Lieutenant Junior Grade. C. Assistant Chief Engineer. Ear or D. Lieutenant Commander. C. Assistant Chief Engineer. Final answer? Yes. Correct. And you're on the board with a hundred dollars. Yeah, this is gonna get very expensive for you slash unfortunately us. Well just remember you can only use this to buy one item.

Okay. So if there is a two thousand dollar item on the shop, you're welcome to get it if you if you get if you make it that far. I can't get like five license plate frames. Yeah. Saying I can't do that? I mean you could with your own money. Okay. But not with the prize winners. Okay. Next question. Ben Lum appeared on two episodes as two different characters on the hit situation comedy Seinfeld. What two roles did he play? A a baker and an architect B an importer and an exporter

C. A mailman and a stockboy. Or D. A transit cop and a library detective. Then I'm gonna say C again. See you again. Is that your final answer? It is. And you are correct, Adam. Appear as a mailman in stockboard. I really remember the mailman episode. I don't remember the stockboy one. I was listening for the answer that the mailman would appear in and I just took that one.

All right, Adam, this is a a a pivotal moment in the game. You have an opportunity to lock it in at two hundred dollars or risk it all and keep moving up the ladder. Oh Ben, you know I'm a gambling man. Let's go all in. Alright, this is where the questions start to get hard. For five hundred dollars. On which of these Bill Tilly ass television shows did Ben Lum not appear? Airwolf. B Night Rider C MacGyver D Hawaii 5-0 God, those are some Bill Tilly S shows.

I mean I got the three and then I was like, what's another Bill Tilly ass show? and then I put that one in. I'm gonna say Hawaii five oh. Oh I'm so sorry, Adam. That is incorrect. You win nothing. Hmm. You lose. Well it was worth it. Just for fun, do you want to hear the last two questions? That sounds like great for me. Try your luck for uh for bragging rights. Okay.

The thousand dollar question is where was Ben Lum born? A Honolulu, Hawaii, B Los Angeles, California, C Seattle, Washington, or D Shimoda, Japan. Ben, you would have given me a thousand dollar credit to pod chopped up. And if you can find a single item that costs under a thousand dollars, you'd be welcome to spend that there. Ben, I'm gonna say Los Angeles, California. Uh Incorrect. Ben Lum was born in Honolulu, Hawaii. Yeah. Last question for two thousand dollars it would have been.

Ben Lum acted in the nineteen ninety Eddie Murphy Nick Noldy two hander action comedy Another forty eight hours with two other greatest gen legends. Who were they? A Leonard Nimoy and Colum Meanie. B. Nana Visitor and John Delancey. C. Jeffrey Combs and Susie Plaxton, or D. Biff Yeager and Bernie Casey. Oh, I like C Susie Plaxton and uh and who was the other? Had Geoffrey Comb. And Jeffrey Combs. Yeah, give me that one.

Incorrect. In fact, Biff Yeager and Bernie Casey both have speaking parts in this film. Yeah, it's been a long time since I've seen it. Jim Shimoto does not speak English in it. I think he's like a a hotel owner in Chinatown in San Francisco and uh like yells some stuff at them when they come in to look for something. You know, this is just the story of my life. I always get the easy ones, I always biff the hard ones, just uh in whatever thing I'm doing.

Yeah. Well, it's been a lot of fun, and uh tune in next time for another exciting episode of Who Wants to Incredible. And that just about does it for today's episode of The Greatest Generation. I had a ton of fun talking about this one with you, Adam. This is uh You know, like uh in the wider world of the fandom, kind of pilloried as a bad episode, and the more I watch it, the more I like it, I have to say. This feels like a comfort watch utterly. Why wouldn't you enjoy this?

You don't like fun things if you don't like this episode. Ha ha ha. With that, we are going to leave the episode in the hands of our producer, Wendy Pretty, who will tell you some credits and tell you what to expect on the show next week. Take it away, Wendy. Yeah.

The Greatest Generation is an expert Shimoda podcast. It's hosted by Adam Pranica and Ben Harrison, and it's produced and edited by Wendy Pretty. Next week we will be back with another episode of Star Trek The Next Generation, so grab your Favorite lady security officer and give her a spiky bird because we'll be talking about season one, episode four, Code of Honor.

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