When Admiral TKTKTK gives Picard an emergency message, it’s news nobody wants to hear: It looks like Ambassador Spock is being a rebellious teen. Now the Captain and Data will have to go to Romulus to make sure there’s a chaperone at the party Spock went to. Meanwhile, the Entrepreneur is trying to figure out what the pawn shop was thinking when they sold a ship that the Vulcans were still making payments on. Is this how Picard talks to customer support? What does Romulan Burlesque look like? Ar...
Jan 30, 2017•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 106
When Commander Riker returns from holiday on Risa, he's totally obsessed with playing "Suck Disk." But when Wesley (The Boy?!) sees how dumb-looking the glasses are, he turns his sights on an age-appropriate co-worker instead. Which sexual subculture are you into if you display a horga'hn AND credit cards? What color is Worf's apron? How many Coogi sweaters are in Wesley's closet? It's the episode where we've given up dessert flirtation games!
Jan 25, 2017•54 min•Ep. 105
When the Entrepreneur takes a smoke break in-between Uber missions, the ship is afflicted by some of the biggest bangers yet. The scattered crew have to do what they do best: solve problems that only crazy television writers could think up. What will befall all the extra glass tables in Ten Forward? What Christmas Pageant did these kids come from? Will Data’s suicide wish finally come true? What’s Worf going to do with the placenta? It’s the episode where our wives pull a Jeep out of a ditch.
Jan 23, 2017•56 min•Ep. 104
When the glass pinecone that Data’s brother has been hanging around with makes an unwanted reappearance, it dashes Riker’s hope of post-curry coitus. Starfleet is quick to dispatch a rare old lady-scientist to debate everybody about the relative merits of revenge. Is Captain Picard turning into Burke? Who should shampoo Adam’s crotch? Will she turn Data into an even weirder real doll? You don’t need to be an empath to know that this episode is not in its right mind.
Jan 18, 2017•53 min•Ep. 103
When "The Bad Girl of Starfleet" beams aboard the Entrepreneur, the crew treats her like an outcast. But when a sneaky admiral assigns her a secret mission, her true nature is revealed. How do you get an appointment at Starfleet Supercuts? How does Guinan know when you need her? Just what is Starfleet Uniform Code, anyway? It's the episode that's one big love letter to Michelle Forbes.
Jan 16, 2017•57 min•Ep. 102
When the walls fall at Shaka, Kiazi’s children’s faces get really wet. The beast is at Tanagra, but it’s anyone’s guess where Darmok and Jalad are w/r/t the ocean. Will Zinda’s face be black and his eyes red? Who, if not Mirab, is going to unfurl these sails? Is Uzani’s army going with the fist open or the fist closed? Is the river Temarc in winter or what? It’s the episode that opens Sokath’s eyes.
Jan 11, 2017•59 min•Ep. 101
When the Enterprise chooses the flashpoint of a Klingon civil war to begin the galaxy's biggest game of Cat's Cradle, Klingon Jake's future in the empire is at stake. But when Captain Picard's most dramatic "Apparently..." story comes back to haunt him, it's up to Commander Data to take command of a little ship with a secret strategy. Does the Sutherland have a clip show machine? What's the name of the captain from Crimson Tide? It's the episode where lose all our feminist credibility by playing...
Jan 09, 2017•57 min•Ep. 100
Worf’s honor and civil war hang in the balance when Captain Picard is called back to Qo’nos to be a witness on Gowron’s ketubah. But there’s a not-so-sneaky Romulan sneaking around, and the Duras Sisters are eager to ruin the big jacket-putting-on ceremony. Is that Klingon Jake? Is Guinan the best marksman on the Entrepreneur? Does ‘Romyarlan’ work? How does it affect the monitors if you sharpen a pencil on a Klingon ship? It’s Part One of a two episode arc about how close to death Ben can be an...
Jan 04, 2017•59 min•Ep. 99
When a workplace romance ignites between Data and a co-worker, the nebula they're studying isn't the only place where the fireworks are going off. But when dark matter starts getting flung at the ship, Captain Picard must arrange for a tow to get the Entrepreneur out of danger. Can you get satisfaction from a dark button? What happens when you go "full Nic Cage"? How do you clean a carpet stain that's REALLY in there? It's the episode that sounds like the hosts are fighting.
Jan 02, 2017•55 min•Ep. 98
When Geordi gets Manchurian Candidated by Romulans, Data has to do a whole lot of research to uncover the plot, and we suspect that a Klingon ambassador might be from Shaolin Island. Is Deanna hitting on Geordi? Is Chief O’Brien the most potted of all the plants on the ship? Why is Data downrange when they test-fire the gun for ballistics? It might be the most racist episode of Trek yet.
Dec 28, 2016•57 min•Ep. 97
When Dr. Crusher falls in love with a gassy diplomat, her attraction only goes skin-deep. That doesn't stop Commander Riker from attempting a sexual conquest that has, up until now, been strictly off-limits. How long are you locked up for Grand Theft Body? Is there such a thing as a "sexual matrix"? What's Riker packing, anyway? It's the episode that suffers from a case of body whiplash!
Dec 26, 2016•51 min•Ep. 96
When Lwaxanna Troi gets the hots for an alien scientist, she throws diplomacy out the window to chastise his species end of life practices. It’s a great deal from Picard who gets to spend a blessed episode out of her crosshairs. Why did the makeup department let this guy’s loaf get smeared that badly? Is that sun-explosion effect from iMovie 2? How do you roast a Husnock? It’s our gift-touchdown episode.
Dec 21, 2016•55 min•Ep. 95
When a non-OEM part installed during their last starbase visit leaves the Enterprise by the side of the road, the crew looks for someone to blame. But when the crew's investigation moves a patsy into their crosshairs, it turns out that he's guilty of something totally unrelated. Is an elephant's foot the most unlucky foot? When is it appropriate to show your ass in court? Do you have to pay extra for dialogue? It's the episode that's all ends, and no means.
Dec 19, 2016•54 min•Ep. 94
When Captain Picard’s vacation fling comes aboard, his carefully cultivated facade of paternalistic authority begins to break apart. Then, instead of us getting a series of events exploring the ramifications of that, Q shows up and ruins everything. Which early 90s celebrity was John De Lancie taking his hair cues from? Why did they give Geordi the guitar? What compelled the writers to humiliate their characters like this? It’s the episode where there must have been a free castle set, because wh...
Dec 14, 2016•44 min•Ep. 93
When Lieutenant Barclay gets struck by lightning by an alien probe, he starts solving problems all over the ship. But when he starts sticking things into the computer that don't belong there, it's up to the crew of the Entrepreneur to unplug him. What is a bursar? How do you build a plane in mid-air? Isn't it always best to be friends with your ex? It's the episode that won't get you invited back to game night.
Dec 12, 2016•1 hr•Ep. 92
When Starfleet officers that five years previously were all on the same mission as Geordi start returning to the scene of the crime, disappearing crewmen is suddenly more than just a figure of speech. Now Geordi has to contend with the idea that he too may develop a dreaded case of lobster claw. Can Geordi CSI this mystery before it’s too late? Can’t Worf just put The Club on all the Previa’s steering wheels? Can Data stop reminding everybody that he’s an android? Where were they storing that Cl...
Dec 07, 2016•49 min•Ep. 91
When the Enterprise responds to a distress call sent by a ship full of dead bodies, what the away team finds over there keeps everyone up at night. But when sleep issues threaten to kill everyone on the ship, it's up to Counselor Troi to find a solution that may have something to do with her weird pot dreams. Is this episode a sequel to The Naked Now? Will a B-plus Pacino impression cut it on this podcast? Could Riker's hair be an instrument for measuring the crew's health? It's the episode that...
Dec 05, 2016•47 min•Ep. 90
When the woman who unwittingly modeled for Geordi’s favorite real doll boards the ship, the Chief Engineer is scrambling to understand why she isn’t as receptive to his romantic overtures as her lookalike. To make matters worse, an alien pot pie has been tossed at the ship, and the crew is having a heck of a time cleaning it off. Why won’t the Captain ever let Worf raise the shields? What ever happened to that calzone? Is this whole thing Guinan’s fault? It’s the episode where TNG goes full MRA....
Nov 30, 2016•46 min•Ep. 89
When Commander Riker gets injured on a first contact mission, his alien doctors examine all kinds of appendages they aren't familiar with. But while making sure he recovers as fully as possible, the leaders of the planet must decide if they want to enter an exciting, spacefaring future, or stay in the cold, microwave-less past. What is an "Implied Riker"? How many writing credits does it take to break a script? Does Riker "first contact and tell"? It's the first episode back from our tour and we...
Nov 28, 2016•51 min•Ep. 88
When the entire crew passes out after traveling through a wormhole, the evidence starts to finally persuade them that Data is the gravest threat to the ship that they face on an ongoing basis. Now Picard has to go all Dixon Hill on everybody’s ass until he can get some answers. Will Data be stripped down to his wires? Where the hell was Guinan during this whole thing? Why can’t Worf be bothered to implement any basic security procedures? It’s the episode where Troi huffs some green paint.
Nov 23, 2016•47 min•Ep. 87
When "the devil" starts dropping bangers on an entire planet, it's up to Captain Picard to help fiddle their way out of a terrible contract. Unfortunately, his attire is completely inappropriate for the occasion. How many ziggurats are right for an agrarian society? Can an android get his tongue stuck on a frozen flagpole? Who's got Uri Geller vibes? It's the episode where the hosts go "fully-biblical"!
Nov 21, 2016•46 min•Ep. 86
Now that we’re finally into the meat of the series, we can really start digging into what matters most about Star Trek: The Next Generation: O’Brien and Keiko’s weird marriage. Why have they never talked about what foods they like? What does the Chief even like about Keiko? Why is she marrying him when his career is clearly in the sonic toilet? It’s the episode where we keep up with the Cardassians.
Nov 16, 2016•55 min•Ep. 85
When a Vulcan diplomat needs a ride into Romulan space, the Enterprise is her UberXL (if only to transport her giant Pope hat). Meanwhile, people are doing things that they think will make Chief O'Brien happy, with disastrous consequences. Is O'Brien in an arranged marriage? Is it hard to stay together when your ship is named "Divorce"? Does Data have "Incognito Mode"? It's the Nebuchadnezzar of bottle episodes!
Nov 14, 2016•50 min•Ep. 84
When Troi’s special power slips away from her, she wastes no time in throwing in the towel. It’s looking like the crew will need to get by with Guinan as the counselor. What’s up with communicator continuity in this episode? Is this the right bag to pack twelve iPads in? It’s the episode where we find out how pollination works, but also that Ben is kind of an idiot.
Nov 09, 2016•52 min•Ep. 83
When a twist beginning crash lands Captain Picard and young Wesley Crusher (The Boy?!) onto a desolate planet, the constant bickering drives the third wheel of their group to drink. It's too bad Commander Riker is too busy taking out someone else's trash to mount a timely rescue mission. What does it take to get a 6 star Uber rating? Are children chained inside the saucer section? Is this how radiation works? It's the episode where we introduce a new mountainside sculpture to our repertoire!
Nov 07, 2016•50 min•Ep. 82
When Riker inhales the wrong gas, his memory of the last sixteen years is wiped. He is the captain now, but he has no idea how he got there! Da fuq is Riker asking this turbo lift? Why is Worf so hunchy? Did they get that mask at the Halloween store? It’s an episode with one of the all time bad buttons.
Nov 02, 2016•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 81
When Worf's ex-girlfriend beams onboard with the son he didn't know he had, it starts to affect his performance at work. Their domestic conflict has to take a back seat in the storyline when a diplomatic conflict heats up between two factions warring for control of the Klingon Empire. Is it appropriate to send an Evite to a political summit? How bad of a year do you need to have to forget that you were almost murdered? What's the most effective way for HR to approach a Klingon about his behavior...
Oct 31, 2016•58 min•Ep. 80
Tasha Yar’s estranged sister doesn’t just look like Sarah Conner, she’s the Enterprise’s only hope to help save some abducted crewmen. But her affiliation with the Confederacy has everyone on edge. Did these street gangs get their jewels from Logan’s Run? What Skynyrd songs does this fusion reactor have? What happened to that chip clip that used to be at the craft services table? It’s the episode that marks our formal entrée into 90’s haircast.
Oct 26, 2016•54 min•Ep. 79
When an old friend of Dr. Crusher's bails on their plans, she thinks he might have fallen on the ship and can't get up. But as her story begins to unravel, squints of suspicion abound from an unbelieving (and shrinking) Enterprise crew. How difficult is a three-finger handshake? Are scarves a good substitute for grass? How old is your oldest friend? It's the episode that came back from the dead!
Oct 24, 2016•48 min•Ep. 78
When the Enterprise crew finds a human survivor aboard a wrecked Talarian ship, the young man wants to be roommates with Captain Picard. Unfortunately, Picard's quarters is filled with glass tables and a knife collection. Why can't Picard recognize when someone goes "full vineyard"? Does "asymmetrical loaf" indicate a breakthrough in alien makeup design? Is a vest of bratwurst this year's hit Halloween party costume? It's part two of The Slickback Trilogy!
Oct 19, 2016•54 min•Ep. 77
