When the Enterprise engages in war games, their opponent is the biggest WOPR of them all: Commander Riker. Unfortunately for Captain Picard, Riker's team includes Ensign Crusher (the Boy?), and a threat from an unexpected foe. Who gave Picard a hickey? Is one of Riker's crew giving off Laura Dern vibes? What are the chances of getting a "Natural Yeager"? It's the episode with excellent finger dexterity!
When unfrozen caveman Klingons are about to thaw out in a nice suburban neighborhood, Starfleet sends their sexiest emissary to try to talk Picard into a murder-based solution to the problem. Tensions rise when Worf can’t keep his cool around his lab partner, but Troi has some zit popping videos on her iPad that help everyone calm down. Is Data the ship’s best cock-blocker? Is K’Ehleyr going to get picked in The Bachelor? Is Worf a cigar store Indian? It’s the episode in which we try to get CBS ...
When the Enterprise goes on Uber-duty for a couple of fish people, Lwaxana Troi drops by for a visit. Then, things somehow get even worse when Captain Picard bails on the show and hides in the holodeck. Is Troi's mom more destructive than Q? Is Pacifica the galaxy's Howard Johnson hotel? Why don't more guest stars get "The Tesh Treatment"? Plus, we announce a t-shirt contest! It's the episode that's an embodiment of an HR violation.
When Dr. Pulaski covers for Worf, he returns the favor by showing her what sex is to him. Meanwhile, the ship rescues some Space Irish from some kind of Space Blight before heading off to find their long lost cousins. How dangerous is a Klingon toilet plunger? Why is the transporter beaming people up with the ground underneath them? What are the downsides of phasering your own clone? It's the episode that forced us to bow to the absurd!
When the Enterprise answers a distress call from a ship full of Lennies, the crew's instincts are to offer assistance. Unfortunately, the Pakleds pet Geordi a little too hard as he's tending to their problems. Meanwhile, the captain and Wesley (the BOY?) go on a road trip in the Previa so Picard can have a "little procedure." Could Toto have improved this episode? Who are the rank pips really for? Can we do this show in a hot tub? It's an episode that's like a Sci-Fi version of "Of Mice and Men"...
Picard gets super salty when Q kidnaps him in a stolen Previa, but things go from bad to worse when the ship gets frisbeed into the path of the galaxy’s shittiest Rubik’s Cube. Does Guinan have the only locking door on the ship? Why are the Borgs so interested in the Jim Shimoda Memorial Corner? Is the crew even ready to go on star treks? It’s a very special episode of Borg Maury.
When the Enterprise explores a sector full of about to explode planets, the crew decides to put Wesley (the boy?) in charge. But when Data decides to turn the sensors on high, the results interrupt Captain Picard's private "chaps time." Is Worf in a death cult? Where can our listeners send their corrections? Can't Picard do better than a Continental breakfast for his meetings? It's the episode with a very special WiFi password!
When Riker’s daddy comes aboard, his sexual magnetism finally meets its match. After a few days of bickering, it all comes to a head in an American Gladiator match that gives Code of Honor a run for its money in the racism department. What was Worf’s job interview like? Can the ship's three most socially inept crewmen throw a good party? Will Riker take Picard’s advice on a new way to get off? It’s the episode where Adam opens some cards of his own!
When the Enterprise finds an IKEA shuttlepod floating in space, they (what else?) bring it aboard for a closer inspection. What they find inside is a very tan, extremely well-rested clone of Captain Picard whose body, unlike the original Picard, does not respond well to stimulants. How will Wesley (the boy?) tell them apart? What's the cost of destroying a Galaxy-class starship? Why didn't Riker season his eggs before serving them? It's the episode where we bring booze to brunch!
When the crew beams a big pile of ship aboard, they decide to beam down to a planet with a frozen fart-based atmosphere to investigate. The DustBuster club quickly find themselves trapped in a nightmare vacation to Vegas. Is Worf behind the lack of door locks on the Enterprise? Is Picard's love of trashy novels distracting him from mounting a sincere rescue operation? Is playing along with a bad book the only way to escape it? It’s the episode where we declare that we’re here to defend democracy...
When the Enterprise crosses the neutral zone to touch dongles with another Galaxy-class ship, it soon becomes infected with a computer virus that threatens to kill everyone onboard. But rather than "turn it off, then turn it on," the crew troubleshoots the problem by doing a little light archaeology. Did the USS Yamato get infected by Nagilum? Does Wesley (the boy?) have a direct line to Captain Picard? What is a "Dirty Data"? It's the episode broadcast to you from Shimoda Corner!
When Wesley meets an age-appropriate romantic partner, Picard is put in a foul mood. To make matters worse, the Enterprise’s 5 star Uber rating is at risk. While Worf and Dr. Pulaski have both met their match in a mean old lady, The Boy is going on dates and offering chocolate to his new friend, but she has a secret second ‘look’ that might be a deal breaker. Is Guinan the ship’s best counselor? Did the Sand People from Star Wars do VO work on this episode? Is Salia one of the aliens that left a...
When the Enterprise stops off at Starbase 173 for routine maintenance, Captain Picard reacquaints himself with an old flame hoping to JAG him off. But it's courtroom drama instead of bedroom action on the docket when a hotshot commander threatens to take Data apart to learn how he works. Is it possible that Riker has a better poker face than Data? Is busting a chair across a woman's teeth Picard's idea of sex? It's the episode where everyone gets a little "Moody Geordi".
When Riker takes a temp position on a Klingon ship, it’s ironically the Enterprise that contracts a venereal disease. While the Commander is attempting to arrange an interspecies three-way, the ship develops a rash and uncomfortable discharge. Fortunately, the sequel to Chaotic Bro is on the case. Will Wesley (the boy?) finally try vaping? Did that rust come from some bad decisions made in late-80s San Francisco? What does the Carfax report look like on the IKS Pagh? We might change the veto rul...
When the Enterprise encounters a ship full of dead seniors, their immediate concern is the smell. Their investigation leads back to a science facility where experiments in genetics have taken a dangerous turn, creating a race of non GMO-free people. How many cans of soup can a starship hold? Is Star Trek anti-science? Is Chief O'Brien a con artist? It's the episode that has plenty of handrails!
When Data's grandpa is diagnosed with an incurable illness, he doesn't express much grief, and in return, his grandpa steals his body and makes a play at immortality. It would have been a perfect plan, but the old man was set in his ways, and really doesn't know how to act in a modern, professional starship setting. Will the crew catch on that Data is once again not who he claims to be? Will Data's bad behavior get him locked up in Rura Penthe? Can he pass a Voight-Kampff test? It's the episode ...
When the Enterprise has to transport Ginger Jesus to a peace negotiation between some ersatz Klingons, his sexual super-magnetism is a distraction for some of the crew. Their 5-star Uber rating is seemingly in the bag until his cadre of helpers is killed on an away mission, forcing the diplomat to talk only with his hands. Are these the worst alien effects we've seen? What's a job interview like for a bathroom attendant? Do they still have Pier 1 in the future? It's the episode where we return t...
When the world's shittiest Han Solo breaks down within hailing range of the Enterprise, the women of the ship are extremely hospitable to him. Meanwhile, Data is desperately trying to learn the secrets of comedy by playing the holodeck on fast forward. Then a bunch of squabbling aliens with extremely retrograde beliefs surrounding procreation and marriage beam aboard and somehow make Data's storyline seem fun by comparison. Is Worf in charge of keeping Riker's harem safe? Is Terri Hatcher playin...
When Data and Geordi get some down-time, they use it like no one else would: playing Sherlock Holmes on the Holodeck. But when Geordi sets the computer's difficulty settings to "All-Madden," Moriarty begins dropping bangers all over the ship, and has become an adversary more powerful than either of them expected. What is a warrior's hat? Is Dr. Pulaski a functional syntheholic? What does it sound like when Data takes a dump? It's the episode recorded in karate stance!
When the Enterprise finds a hole in space, nobody is more excited to explore it than Commander Riker, but after it envelops the ship, he (and everyone else) learns a powerful lesson about consent. Once inside, they're faced with an adversary acting like a six-year-old holding a magnifying glass over an ant colony. Will Captain Picard finally get his opportunity to go down with the ship? Will Ensign Haskell get another line of dialogue? Is Worf's holodeck routine even raunchier than the First Off...
When Counselor Troi becomes unexpectedly pregnant, the Enterprise crew has a ton of questions: "When did this happen? "Who's the father?" and "How quickly can we abort it?" Troi makes it clear she's keeping it, but there's no time for a baby shower because this baby grows so fast that it's born in only a few days. After another few days, it's tall enough to go on the rides at Disneyland! How big will this kid get? Where is Riker's "leaning wall" when he needs it? Why does Ben have a restraining ...
When Data and Worf beam some popsicles aboard the Enterprise, the doctor thaws them out, which treats the whole ship to an unfrozen caveman legal drama. And that's not to mention all the starbases and outposts that are being disappeared, presumably by Romulans, along the edge of the Neutral Zone. Picard quickly gets to the end of his rope when one of his primeval passengers tries to get involved in galactic politics. Will Data and his new friend pick up any "pit woofies"? Will Troi manage her da...
When Captain Picard's old friend sends him a "U up?" message in the middle of the night, it's enough to send the Enterprise back to Earth to investigate evidence of a Federation conspiracy. There, the crew is reunited with some familiar faces: Inspector General Dexter Remmick and Admiral Gregory "Roundhouse" Quinn. Does Dytallix B cause hair loss? Is Picard impervious to being "Picosby-ed"? Who keeps putting all these glass coffee tables on board starships? It's a super-sized podcast where we ma...
When Captain Picard's fencing match gets cut short by a bad case of deja vu, the Enterprise crew is forced to grapple with his romantic regrets, not to mention a temporal catastrophe that threatens the entire quadrant. Their investigation leads to a fringey German scientist, who married Picard's ex-girlfriend. Will Beverly's deep jealousy impact her obligation to keep the scientist alive? Is Data already old enough to need a reacher-grabber? Will the captain finally have a sexual encounter with ...
When Counselor Troi's driver puts their shuttlecraft into a ditch on planet Vagra II, it's up to the Enterprise to play the part of AAA. It's just too bad that Armus is there, blocking their way and being a real jerk about it. Did Worf hedge his bet on Tasha Yar? Why are business trip conferences still a thing in the future? Did Leland T. Lynch "Argyle" himself off the show? It's the episode where we turn tragedy into comedy!
When NPR turns us down for a Sunday slot, we turn our attention to the most egregious episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation that Nancy Reagan ever wrote. The Enterprise once again is playing host to squabbling aliens, but this time the shifty rednecks come with a twist: they're hooked on drugs. Bad drugs. Will the glittery Aryans get high on their own supply? Can Tasha Yar persuade Wesley (The Boy?) to keep on the straight and narrow? What would the Prime Directive have to say about the CIA ...
When the Enterprise is sent to look for the missing USS Drake, Commander Riker is stoked to meet up with an old friend of his from Degrassi High. Unfortunately, when an away team searches for clues on a nearby planet, they discover that ship and crew were killed not by boring rap music, but by a sophisticated weapons system built out of sex toys. How does Captain Picard know parkour? Why is Vincent Schiavelli so great in everything he's in? Will Geordi be happy to know that Dr. Crusher knows so ...
When the Enterprise discovers a busted up freighter in the Neutral Zone, they find the only surviving passengers are some Klingons who are far from neutral. These survivors follow the well known convention that any group of three Klingons have to have names that start with K, which is why Worf doesn't quite fit in with them. Worf's inner struggle becomes outer struggle as the survivors commit party foul after party foul all over the ship. What parts of the Klingon uniform are secretly weapon com...
When Wesley Crusher (the boy?) begins his Starfleet entrance exams, he's got two things on his mind: overcoming his greatest fear, and overcoming a terrible Pee-wee Herman-style haircut. Meanwhile, on the Enterprise, Admiral Quinn and Lieutenant Commander Remmick are investigating a possible conspiracy, and pissing off the crew in the process. Is "The Riker Maneuver" mostly about testicular health? What is the punishment for Grand Theft Shuttlecraft? And just what the hell is a sher-RAHHHHD? It'...
Terraforming hasn't had this big a PR problem since the Genesis Project! The Enterprise crew arrives at Valera III for a science lecture, but wind up mounting an investigation into murder most foul, with the chief suspect being a brilliant scientist (whose resemblance to a Bond villain is more than skin deep). The shocking truth is revealed when Geordi and Data look down a deep hole without Riker there to show them the ropes. When the indigenous life form of Velara III gets to set trippin' with ...
