GLD 546 - She's Not Really Your Friend

This is Pod Popular Podcast for the People, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.

It's a Great Love Debase.

Hi, get everyone, it's Brian how We welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's number one dating and relationship podcast in twenty fifteen. I'm back here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcast. I was gonna say podcast for the people. This one's different. This one's the elevated media experience. I'm at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona. It is the peak, peak peak, Scott's Dazzle here right now,

I'm good?

And because she's a lovely Crystal Carol, I threatened to promise whatever you guys, that there is gonna be video now on the Great Love Debate with Brian Howie. This is this is the maiden voyage. This is there's cameras rolling. You're the first that I've like caved in, like okay, the cameras are rolling out. You're the first. I know, you have just the right amount of makeup on and we're ready to roll. I know you've experienced this, but this starts. I've always made the comment that I don't

That?

Is he gonna call you? Creating this neurosis that by the time the men are confident enough to say hello to you, guys are already little insecure.

You know.

How do you know that?

Right?

Doing this a long time and my two sisters too.

Which is so crazy, because I was just thinking on girl and Girl Crime, because I've man, I'm a hit list for it, and I was just thinking, do guys know it exists?

Like do they understand the dynamics of women?

I don't think so I do, because I've really, you know, I've worked with a lot of women. I've been around, I've directed theater and shows with you know, a dozen cast members, and people are always like, Oh, that's such a good job, and I'm like, that's the worst job ever for a straight guy. It's terrible. You see the cattiness, you see the insecurity. A lot of women are like, Oh, I'm so happy for you as long as she's in a good place herself. If she's not, I've seen, for example,

No, I don't think there is. I don't think. I do not think most women root for other women.

They don't.

And you're for the underdog, the girl who's a couple hundred pounds and kind of fugly and oh, let's help Betty. But the pretty hot one with a ton of money and guys crawling all over her, No way are they rooting for that.

And a lot of women are gonna listen to this. I'm gonna get emails because I'm sure I'm gonna get and they're gonna be like, no, you don't know my friends they're right or die or whatever. And I'm like, your friends would blow you off in two seconds for a dude or for some other thing, like it just happens. And I'm not saying it's it's right or wrong or whatever. I'm just saying it's a real thing, and we have

I agree with you one thousand percent. I do think there's some rare females that are overly confident and maybe have been the you know, like I can honestly tell you I root for other women.

But it's easy to say that when I'm me.

Yeah, you know, I'm the one that I apologetic you.

Yeah, I mean I have the most money. I men usually approach me.

I mean, I don't lack confidence, but gosh.

I have some beautiful friends that still aren't happy when I'm doing amazing and I don't get it because they're I mean, they're beautiful, Mike, what are you worried about me? For?

So the Bachelor franchise, you know, eighty percent of the Bachelor audience is women. And there's a reason why the Bachelor rates so much higher than the Bachelorette. It's not because the Bachelor is about this question for love. The women want to see one man reject twenty three women. They don't want to see twenty three guys fighting over one woman. This is the kind of the dirty little secret of what this is about. And so I think,

I agree, well, look at the Housewives.

Look at the Housewives.

Your franchise is on rich, plastic women fucking each other over.

Yes, and people love it. I'm not a.

Women want the cat fight.

I'm not a fan of Housewives, and I think it's because they don't enjoy that. But that's a franchise, and isn't that all it's about.

It's just the cat fights.

It really is the cat fights. And and the men get accused of wanting to watch a good cat fight. I'm not saying we don't, but the women get off on it. And they're like they you know, they hope that you're dumb, they hope that you're bitchy, they hope that you're not successful. Nobody who doesn't know you until they know you, hopefully is necessary rooting for you. Oh god, no, they look at you. It's weird to be looked at as the competition by strangers.

No, I think it's just an e I think women are like, you know, like cats, like wild cats. You know, they're out, they're fighting for the lion all the time.

You know what I mean? So women are women are harsh, they're pretty brutal.

You grew up not necessarily affluent. No, is that one? Is that a good way to put it?

Definitely not. No, I'm a trailer poor girl at heart, for sure.

Does this kind of behavior? Is it worse in an environment like that where everybody has very little or nothing? Was there a pretty and pink element in where you grew up, where there was one side of the tracks another? Or is it worse in a place like we're here now, like Scott Stillerzona, where it's it's wealthy. Is the behavior worse?

I think?

You know, in the eighties, when I grew up, affluent people hung with afluent people and poor people hung with poor people. There wasn't really crossovers, so there was that pretty impink, you know, construct and.

I always wanted to be the affluent. And then I got to be with them, and.

I realized, Man, I don't know what's worse because they're all hating on each other, they're all you know, they're definitely you know, it's crazy because you know, they just learned to be happy, but there's none of that. Somebody who's beautiful has it all, still is not happy and they're hating.

I think it's insecurity.

It's hard to even learn that when back in the in the early days of this show, I used to do a lot of talks and conferences and a lot of stuff where women would come and I would ask what is it that you need to be happy? And the list was mostly of what makes them unhappy? That list was ready to go what made them happy? They didn't really know because they hadn't spent quite enough time on thinking about that. They didn't even have the answer.

What?

They really want the details of it. I was indifferent to my friends.

Oh yeah, and they want to know.

You know, I have that dating spree for a hot second, and I dated some pretty amazing guys that spoiled me rotten. I had some girlfriends that were so jealous and so petty that so many things are being.

Bought for me.

They started a whole circle of talking shit about me because ugh, what did Crystal get now?

And ugh, you know, or what did she do?

Yeah?

What did she do for that?

And you know, it was just it was Crystal time all the time because they were jealous. So, you know, I think I just don't give a shit. Guys are just so.

So yeah, we don't give a shit. Like I'm like, if she likes him, great, you.

Know, or whatever your buddy does for a girl, you don't care.

I don't care, you don't.

Girls are really like he did what he got.

Sometimes I'm like, good luck with that, or they'll use your name to their boyfriend.

Well, Crystal's boyfriend bought her this and this and this.

Yeah, Crystal expects to.

Be treated like a queen, right, And the guy's like, ah, well, sorry, You're not Crystal.

I'm not treating anybody like a queen.

You know, how do you does this make you more reserve towards women because you assume there's going to be some sort of antagonistic bit, jealousy, anger, bitchiness, Do not trust easily? How do you deal with it? Because you're also raising daughters and they have friends and you're trying to impart lessons on them and a son. But you're trying to do that, like, how do you deal with making yourself or you're just indifferent towards it? Like who cares if they either like me or they don't.

Well, you know, it's funny because you know, even even women, we dress for other women.

We know, so you say we do not.

Dress for Okay, listen, some women dress for men.

But I'm saying, we get completely dressed up to go shopping.

And to go to the mall, whatever we're doing. We really get dressed for other women.

So I used to care what other women thought of me, and then I realized that's a losing game.

So I just don't give a shit. But I do have three.

Daughters, and I've taught them to treat everybody with kindness. And if anything, because you're beautiful, because you now come from money, you have to over extend your kind level and be extra sweet because you're intimidating the fuck out of that girl and that she's gonna be meaner. So the nicer you can be, you can drop down her insecurity guard and she'll start to be nice to you.

I had a girlfriend once who educated me in Balenciaga and Lubitan and everything, and I go, I was like, who cares? Like what's the difference? And I go, I don't think the guys really care. She's like, the women notice the red soul. They're going to assume that you bought that that reflects well on you. And I'm like, I don't understand. She goes, let's try it one time. So we went to like meet some people, and she sat there and wiggled her foot so that she could

No, And I'm sure they thought you were the best boyfriend ever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I when I was married, I had what a seven or eight carrot ring, and I would be in Chanelle dripping and women.

Would say to me. The first thing a woman would say was, wow, you have a great husband. I'm like, you've never met him and sactly.

Secondly, I bought this eight carrot, I bought this sl I work, but he got a.

Lot of kudos. They just thought he was amazing on the way.

I drussed because they made the assumption that he bought me everything.

Right, so he got to eat benefit benefit. Yeah, he got to swim in your wake. All right, we have to swim in some seven eight caret water. He's here, so we got to take a quick break because I got to pay for stuff like this. I'm with Crystal Carol. We're talking about girl and girl crime. We'll be back right after this, and we are back. How does a woman is there a technique or is there a question or is there a read that you can do to be like, can I trust my sisters here? Can I

Man.

You cannot trust women.

I tell my daughters the only person you can trust is your mom, your mom and your sisters.

That's it. Women are not trustworthy.

I don't know some moms you can't trust either. There's a lot of moms who are like, I gave up my career as a ballerina to have you. Yeah, And there's a resentment there is that. That's a thing. Okay, that's a thing. I know girl who had a friend for like twenty years. During most of those twenty years, she was unhappily married. Well, she got divorced and then started dating somebody who she was great. Suddenly when she was happy, the friend suddenly wasn't her best friend anymore.

That is such a woman thing.

Then that is such a woman thing. See, this is the thing. I'm never going to give the guys the credit. I'm very very hard on the men. This is one thing that I think we are better at. Like I think we are.

I think you are too. Women are just jealous cat. Hey, I'm a woman, m h.

And I'd rather hang out with a bunch of dudes any day, any day.

Would you rather hang out with a bunch of This is like I said, we are in Scottsdal, Arizona here, this is like ground zero for I think the medical term is hot chicks. Would you rather roll into somewhere with a bunch of pretty women? Or would you rather be the belle of the ball?

I don't necessarily think I'm bello of the ball.

I just have a lot more fun with my guy friends because it's just so we're just there having a good time.

You're there's no jealousy going on with each other.

But aren't they all hitting on you in some way?

My guy friends? Yeah, no, they're my besties.

Well if I asked them, what would they say?

They're my besties?

I have a lot of guys like I just want to be friends with Crystal. She's so nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're like there's nobody, well you think they Some of them may have had crushes at one time or another, but I just have so much fun with them. Women, you get there and there's always just an issue, especially if a guy's talking to you and a guy's not talking to them.

It just becomes problematic.

Do you have a gay posse?

I do, and one of my best friends is gay.

That helps too, because you can get ninety percent of the benefit that you're going to get from your girlfriend. You're gonna get support and you look at with it out the jealousy and the cattiness. They are going to be supportive.

But when I show up with him, everyone thinks we're married, so we can't.

Well I couldn't meet any guys because my gay best friend is you know, a good looking older guy and it's Scottsdale.

Yea Likeley assumed we're together, so I you.

Know, guys don't Guys will fight through that.

Oh yeah, he puts his gay meter right on too. He's he likes guys straight or not.

Okay, have you ever fought over the same guy? Never? Okay? The you dipped your tone to the pageant world. Yeah, isn't that just sort of a microcosm of this on like a grander scale.

Everything they say about the pageant world is true. Those women are out for you. But you know, I think it's like that. I think you're right in the pageant world. It's very much so like that because I was new to the pageant world and I experienced it firsthand. But I mean, it even happens in politics. I mean, I our mayor is a female, and she's pretty.

She is.

There's a good looking mayor here, and.

I see the woman on council just want to kill her and take her place.

And it's because she's a woman.

And she's hot, and she's hot, and I've heard people call her dumb, bimbo, idiot a million times. She's smarter, I know she is. There's a lot and most of that comes from other women. When you watch. You know, we're in as we record this, we're in award season, Oscars, Golden Globes, whatever you have. We're in early part of the year. It's the women who are watching team and be like, oh my god, what did she get done? Oh my god, she's so fat. Oh my god, it's

Oh gosh, it's totally the women. I mean I look at someone and I'm like, what does she have done?

Oh? She lost weight, she gained weight.

Yeah, I mean I try not to be too critical because you know, I don't want to fall.

Into that, but I do have interest in it.

I mean, Chris Jenner, I'm well, I'm googling who are a plastic surgeon is?

Because I want to use them. So we look at everything.

We're looking at all everything they have on too. We're very like we check a woman from to her shoes, door, her bag, doorr jewelry.

So you notice, oh and you can judge. Can you judge a woman's happiness by how she's presenting stuff? Or sometimes that's a cover upper, it's not related.

I just think something echoes either way.

I know people that have a shitload of money that are miserable, And I know I have people have a shitlttle money they're happy.

It can go either way.

Yeah, I know the money isn't going to make you happy. The money and a lot of times it just makes people behavioral worse. But you know, then there's the struggle on the Yeah, I mean, because you know the other end of it. The people with money who are unhappy generally were born into it. It's true, generally had it. You know. I used to have this challenge with my mom, who she basically like I was raised in a bowling

You know, it's tough because I'm opposite of your mom, maybe a little. I didn't grow up with anything, but I just always wanted it, and there's no chip on my shoulder about not having it. I just don't want to go back there because I remember the feeling.

But my kids same thing.

They grew up with everything, and they just they don't know what it's like to not have food or to be home homeless, right, yeah, And you can't.

You can't explain it, can't.

I mean, you can't role play it because they know on Monday they'll be back in a nice bed.

I think it's character building, though, and I think maybe it's one of the reasons I'm not like a lot of the women here the hate. I mean, there's other shit to be worrying about for me, like I never want to be homeless.

I don't want to be in a food line again. I mean, I'm so.

Happy just being me that I don't have time really to be a mean girl to other bitches.

You know, you brought up mean girl. That's so funny. I was gonna talk about that like mean girl's legit, Like the girls are very tribal and it's very cliquy, and it's very like it's a it's a it's a dangerous thing. The bring you bring up, the having money not having money again, it's not gonna buy happiness. Second, and it sometimes takes the struggle away. But musicians, the theory is that the musician's first album is always the best one because it comes from the struggle. The struggle

Oh yeah, for sure. I mean, plus you have a record. Labe will breathing down your.

Throat, that's true. And yeah, the what do you when you meet another woman and you decide. I mean, you have your daughters, So do you need to have girlfriends in your life?

You know, I don't.

I think you know this, Like my best friends are my daughters. I have friends that are more of acquaintances. But it just it never seems. I mean I just got in trouble recently. I met a girlfriend and her boyfriend and he was talking to me too long and they got in a fight, and I'm like, dude, you know me, like, I have no interest in your First of all, I'm five to ten. He was like five to four. Secondly, and I should say, firstly, he's.

With my friend. In a million years, I would never look at him like that.

They got in a big fight because he was giving me too much attention, and I was just getting to know the guy because I had heard all about him. But it was our first meeting. So it's just like, you can have good friends and it can still all go to shit. It's just not worth it.

Were you always five ten? I mean when you like, were you tall at twelve?

Oh yeah, I've always been the tallest girl.

Did you need a tall guy?

You know? I did for a second, and then I went for the nice guy, and the nice guys were always I mean, my ex.

Is five ten, Okay, that's not short.

Well compared to put some heels on me.

Do you know a percentage of manner six feet?

You know what I think over six foot one? I think it's like, is it like two three percent.

Of the population it's over six feet? Oh, it's crazy, which I'm barely now. I'm five eleven three quarters, but I can round up. My driver's license is six feet is fourteen percent. So whenever six to two is like seven so. And the problem with being a tall girl is a lot of guys for six two don't want to date because the benefit of being six two six threes you get to feel six two six three with the girls five to four girls five to ten puts the lubitons on and she's six' one. He doesn't feel

Well, the short ones tend to like me.

It's interesting because you're right, the six one, six two, they like the little spinners, the little hun yeah, right, and then the little guy, you know, the little five six guys.

I'm like, dude, they're like, fuck it, I'm shorter than her. Are to go for it.

They're gonna and if they're gonna go for it, they're gonna go for it.

Right.

So it's cute. It's cute, but it still won't work.

I mean five, but you were so you were really tall and growing up I was you weren't one of those like gross spurred people, nineteen.

And a giant girl.

Yeah, it's tough. Now, the upside of that is you gain five pounds and nobody notices that's true. Five to one. You gave five pounds.

It's rough, yo, gosh, it's really well.

My daughter, my oldest daughter, the little blonde, she's beautiful, but she's five to three and she gains a few pounds and you see it. It is nice spreading it out.

You're like, I'll eat that cake. It'll go to my elbows. Nobody will notice. Yeah, exactly what can girls do better to stop this seve cattiness? Yeah, don't write me, by the way and say it's not it's a fucking thing.

So there's no one that's gonna say that's not a thing.

Yeah, there's a lot of women who pretend like you don't know me and my friends. I think I know better than you do.

Yeah, I think you're I'm a woman, and I am going to agree with you that women are catty, and it's the most catty ones.

Are the most insecure.

Though. I think I agree with you. I I people say to me all the time, like, you don't know the way a woman thinks because you're not a woman. I'm like, you only know the way you think, and then they go, well, no, I know that. My friends think. I'm like, I don't think you do. I don't think you do, because when it gets right down to it, I'm not sure she's as right or die as you think.

One percent. I don't think any woman is right or die.

Except for I mean, you made a good point. There are some moms out there, you know.

I'm really close with my kids. We're definitely right or dies.

But besides that, I wouldn't trust another woman with any anything.

Did you have weddings I did. Did you have bridesmaids?

I didn't. I didn't.

Oh you didn't.

I have my kids in my wedding.

We just were not the first one.

Even the first one we were. We didn't have I mean, we didn't have enough money even for a wedding rate.

Well, because I ask women this, I go and they're like, oh, I love my girlfriends or whatever. Like show me your wedding photo and tell me how many of those are you still friends with. You know, sometimes you're closer to your college friends or your sorority sisters because you only see them once in a while. You're not kind of you moved away, you're not in college anymore. It's a little and you have memories of when everything was fine. Even though that's sorority scenes about it as a bit

Oh the cul de Sac.

I live up in, you know, a little gated community in DC Ranch. And there's even there's mean moms in the group of I mean, I'm older, you know, I'm in my fifties.

You know this.

But those moms with.

Toddlers and young schoolers. Man, they're the head of the mean girls.

They have their little.

Groups and they exclude I watched they exclude.

Some of the moms purposely. They're mean little things.

There's cattiness in the car line. Oh yeah, and the car line used to not be a thing. The car line is a real thing now. Like nobody takes a bus anymore.

Oh no, nobody takes a bus. I mean, I've got four kids. Nobody kids get rides. Why because we're a privileged society.

But is that better? I mean, I think they're like the school bus is lord the flies, Like it's better societally if the kids ride the bus or walk to school or ride their bike. You know, you're old enough to ride a bike.

I think the lack of parenting now you just don't know who your kids sitting with.

You didn't know then, I know.

But I think the internet has been nothing but shit for a.

Kid because it teaches them to do bad things. And what it does a lot of times is you can learn on TikTok how to manipulate your parents.

Well, you remember when we were kids, we were riding our bikes all day.

Yeah, we could just ride a school and we had to be home at a certain time. Mom.

Did you ever see any kids riding bikes anymore?

No, I don't need to be selling.

But remember the mongoose, different bikes.

Yeah, and it's not more dangerous now, there's just more sharing of dangerous stories. Now there's more dateline.

Yeah. And I think that's where you know, the internet has helped spawn the mean girl because everybody I follow on my Instagram or TikTok, it's beautiful women. It's them buying, going on shopping sprees.

It's shopping. You know, it's all this craziness.

And it's funny because we were talking about Bethany Frankel earlier and she's really on TikTok. I don't know if you know that, Like she probably posts ten to day. She's got three four million followers whatever. She gets so much hate in her comments, and I think to myself, she's not doing anything wrong. She's nice in the videos, and they just rip her apart, and I'm like, why are you watching her?

You've got to be able to take it, Like, you got to be able in the public, like because a lot of people who uh are in the public spotlight and didn't necessarily grow up that way. You become a reality star on the Bachelor you might have or even a podcaster. We have a lot of podcasters that roll through these studios and they could get one hundred positive reviews or comments, and they'll get one comment and they're like, I can't do this anymore. It really affects them. And

I love that.

So I'm a little dudish though, Yeah, I love it. Haters make me I'm like, maybe we want to be more successful.

I'm just like, you're wrong, but I'm glad to hear you out. And it's the Great Love Debate. We're not supposed to agree here, but a lot of people are like one bad review or one A lot of women have stopped podcasting because they don't because there's now video involved, you know, in the Great Love Debate, find hy They don't want to have to compete with that. They don't want to have to do that at a lot of people loved it wasn't so bad here in Arizona. Were you in Arizona during COVID times?

You were?

It wasn't so bad here, But in the rest a lot of the country people loved the lockdown because it was the great equalizer. Nobody was getting too far ahead of you, nobody was having too much fun, nobody was necessarily dating people. A lot of people wanted that go on forever.

That's true. Yeah, I mean I wasn't one of them, but yeah.

Yeah, I wasn't one of them either, but a lot of people were. I could just say, They're like, oh, we need to stay down, lock down another couple of years because nobody was getting no you were just right with everybody else. And that was a sucky, sucky time.

I hated it. I needed to get out.

I hated it too. It wasn't terrible here. Schools were open here most of the time, right, Yeah.

I wonder if the click the mean girl stuff was worse or better during COVID.

It was better because people were just kind of fake checking in with each other. They were like, yeah, I hope you're all doing it. Stay safe.

And you spent so much time with your family.

I mean, some people got divorced, you know, because they had to spend time with their husbands.

That's true.

You know, I'm not sure divorce right, but I'm not sure. A lot of women, you know, want to tell their advise their friend to get divorced. They're like, oh, you can work, because they don't necessarily want them back out there if they're stuck in their own miserable marriage. There's a lot of that going on, though. It's always the first one of the group who gets divorced. The rest of the groups like, fuck, she made it over the wall.

Yeah, yeah, I know, you're right. You're right.

It's really interesting because you everybody has a divorced friend is just in a miserable relationship and you all talk about her. Yeah, watch the train, the car wreck. Yeah, I know, Yeah, it's crazy.

Women are we're just not nice.

You're not nice and that's the dairy little say. But men are assholes. That's a little bit different than not nice.

Yeah, And I think you're oddly more in touch than most women.

I think you're right. I think I grew up with two sisters and I thought that. I'm like, I know what the dudes know. If I study the mindset of the women, maybe I'll get keys to the kingdom. So I know like five percent of what there is to know, but I know more than most because I'm curious about it. I'm like, you guys are very complicated creatures, and I think the girl girl dynamic is just I'm like, can

Oh that's the other thing. Yeah, girls do not let girls into the group. You know. Moving here from Washington, I met I would in every group. I think there's one or two nice girls. And I have been involved in all the different groups. The married Scottsdale, rich, rich wife, and I'll.

Tell you, man, they were territorial bitches. Would not let me in. They were all they were the ones that served on the harp ball.

Yeah there could be a real House West franchise.

There could, and they a couple of them in the group were just so sweet to me. But the rest of them, the overly plastic blonde.

With the big, big lips, she was always the worst to me. Or the fatter brunette.

Man, they made my life hard and I was just like, this just isn't even worse. They do not let you in.

I think there's a bar down the street called the Fatter Brunette.

I love that, one of those. But then I have single friends too, and same thing. You know they don't. It's hard getting into any female group.

They're so territorial, and it is I'm more the merrier kind of girl.

You know, ye are you?

Yeah, for sure.

You just want a group of.

Chicks, I mean, chicks, dudes, whatever.

I mean.

I think the more friends.

You because you have because you're big on is TikTok your biggest one the socials.

Yeah, TikTok's and when I do the most, And I mean I think I'm what has grown.

I've grown.

I'm like fifty five sixty percent men, but I'm almost fifty percent women.

But it took a while to get that.

I mean when you started with me or oh gosh, I was like ninety percent men. Women do not support attractive females.

And I've got a lot of hate from women. I still do.

I still get a lot of hate from women, you know, just women saying you're fifty one, what are you doing on TikTok?

You're a loser. I mean, I don't get that from men.

No, they're grateful that you're there.

Yeah, They're like, you're so much fun. You're a ray of sunshine.

It's nice just to see what's going on in your life. And the women are just who. I get a lot of mean comment, not a lot, but I get to.

Do fair share. For do you get dress your age?

I do dress my age.

No, you're pretty good. You know me.

I'm pretty conservative. But I do get a lot of hate. And then when I look at the woman, I'm like, I look like you. I wouldn't be on TikTok either. See there's the petty side, the bitchy side coming out right, but I never get it from.

You know, well put together women.

So I would say the meanest woman for me is, you know, the heavier one that's super insecure.

Me and you have something in common. Last year we both had cancer battles. I guess we did. You came out of it like, you look pretty good. I look pretty good, you know. People, I'm like, I didn't have face cancer, but it's still bad. A lot of people were like, well, you look fine, so you must be fine. And so a lot of people dismiss it what it is or we have to go through because unless you look a certain way, you know, it was really weird.

See, I didn't.

I was pretty private about my can sir, my cancer. I mean I could have died from it for sure.

It was real cancer.

It was real cancer, and I had major, major surgery. I was in the hospital for seven days, which these days, that's a long time.

Yeah. I was supposed to be in the sevent day. I just wouldn't take it.

Yeah, I'm like, I was actually supposed to be in longer. But I said, look right, well we got in a fight. I was like, I need to go. I'm dying in this place. But I do think women are different than men. I know a lot of women that when they got cancer, they broadcasted over all social media channels. It was cancer, cancer, cancer, cancer. So it was like a tension mechanism for.

Him and for me.

I just didn't want anyone to know guys are different. Though it's like, yeah, I've got.

No I went a long time before I even said it on the podcast, and then people treat you differently you're a cancer guy, and I didn't like that. I was really uncomfortable with that because I could hear the whispers and people were like it, see okay, I see okay, it looks okay. Is that all right? Like it became the defining characteristic of me?

And I do remember when you were at cancer It's like what, yeah, I do? Because did you hear about that?

Yeah?

People, it's all anybody would talk It was like my defining characteristic. And it was just kind of like, this is why I wouldn't be around a little bit. Yeah where I wasn't paying a little grumpy or whatever, but it's all anybody talked about. And some of it was like fuck him, good. I hope you do.

You think you got more from the guys the girls were, you.

Know, I got a few. I don't know. I'm not sure everybody's rooting for me, but I did have more well wishers than I ever thought was possible. Like I couldn't believe.

How good people great.

But I don't know about that, but it was humbling, but a lot of it was it defined me. My health situation was all anybody and even to this day, you know I had cancer was in my ribcage. I've talked about this before, hugging. When you when you lose the ability to hug, Yeah, you don't think about that at a time, but when you see somebody and you can't really do because it would hurt so bad, it

That is so I had a different situation because I just kept it on the down low because you know, I mean, coming from where I came from, I never I've just I saw too many women, women that just spouted all over social media like every day.

It was such a downer.

I never wanted to be a downer because you know, as soon as they find out you have cancer.

Like oh yeah, oh.

You know, and this was like the whole the whole interaction changes, and so I just didn't want that uncomfortableness I know, all right. Your yours was tough though, because yours, I mean you were down down.

I'm down for a while, I know, Yet I press on. I kept doing, I kept doing the show.

You look good, bruh, I do.

I didn't lose my hair, my gray hair. As you said. I'm like, my license says brown and you're like, it's not fucking brown. Hasn't been brown a long time.

There's no brown, I think, I think, Grace.

I know, but you're a little older. Well, well you're not twenty four.

I'm not twenty four anymore.

But that Richard gear Gray that you're polland I mean you're good. You're a good looking guy.

You know this, Brian, I do.

My mother told me every day. So there you go. All right. Last time you were on the podcast, we played something called worst date or first date. You remember that I did, and I believe you gave us a first date? Was it a worst date? What did you give us?

What did I care?

I don't remember. You got to do it again because I'm willing to bet that you have some shitty dates or some good dates. And you I remember after the show ended, You're like, oh shit, I had another one. I should have told. So you get another crack at the apple. Worst date or first date I'll do.

I remember I did a first date. I remember, and it was of course, it.

Was so freaking it was really over the top.

It was materialistic.

Yeah, they took me for Lois Tom.

I remember that. Probably what about you? You go, first worst date?

Done this show before? This is? Everybody knows my worst date.

You know. I think I'm thinking of my worst date, and I would say my worst date.

It's so stupid. It's so stupid. But it was when I was younger. That's the thing. I've been so blessed.

I go.

I'm pretty picky on who I go out with, Brian, so most of my dates have been fabulous.

So I mean, I think I said.

This, how do you how do you scream them?

Because I just don't go out the first time they asked me. They have to be my friend. I have to get to know.

Them a little.

Oh really, Oh yeah, I'm not just I am not going to be stuck. I learned that early on.

If you say used to a guy you barely know, and you're stuck at a date for two to three hours, that is my worst way.

We used to date that way, I don't. We'd be drunk two am, you'd write your number on a napkin. We'll call you up, we'd pick you up, we would ask you about that was a date.

Yeah, but you could get stuck.

I would say, those are my worst dates when I'm stuck with some guy.

Where Like, my worst date is.

I got stuck with a guy before I started kind of monitoring it.

The whole time we talk about his ex wife.

Yeah, that's like the whole time. It shows he's still not over her and angry with her.

You should never talk about You should do a you should do a whole podcast on things to do and not do on a date, because you should never talk about your X on the first day.

Shouldn't even come off.

Here's the question I ask though about if somebody tells me they're divorced. I don't say why'd you get divorced? I said, when did you know it wasn't gonna last forever? Well, and I'm shocked at how often it's when he asked the wedding night, that's crazy, And I'm like, how long you're married? Seventeen years? Well, you knew on the wedding night it was gonna last forever.

I thought I wouldn't date that person. I wouldn't if any knew on the wedding night wasn't gonna happen. I have no respect for you.

I know, but it's tough to pull. I told you. We're starting a podcast called cold Feet, and it's about women who call off, not call off engagements, call off with wedding.

I love that.

It's really hard to do. Once everybody's been inviting the deposits down, it's really hard to do. So that's a little bit easier to say. And a lot of people are like, maybe it'll get better and I'll spend two years, and then you have a kid and you're like, well, le's see, and then you're stuck till the kid graduates high school. You know.

But gosh, if you know on the wedding night, I don't know.

Yeah, it's brutal. It's got to be the worst night of your life.

But you spent seventeen years with them.

I mean, but a lot of times for the woman, the wedding night is the destination. And to be fair to the men, you know, the women's like I want the house, the dog, the white pick offense he's not even on that list. Yeah, that's true for him. He asks you to marry him because he thinks you're gonna he's gonna spend the rest of his life with you. The women a lot of times are like, he'll be a good father. He checks a lot of boxes. It's a little less romantic than you think. All right, this

I am mom at Unapologetic Crystal on TikTok.

I do have a bunch of fake accounts.

On there, but I'm Burners Burners and they're connect they're contacting people, so ignore those and then hopefully I'm gonna have Unapologetic Me podcast here coming up soon.

There you go. Thank you. This was good as far as us like, share, follow, Please review this podcast after five hundred and god knows how many episodes, your reviews still mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. Shoot me an email Great Love Debate at gmail dot com. If you've got questions, thoughts, complaints, or you're gonna say my friends are the best. I don't believe you, but send it anyway. Go to Great Lovedebate dot com. I know I've been sort of circling the drain on this. I

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