This is Pod Popular Podcast for the People, The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a great love To hi and everyone. It's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate. The world's number one dating relationship podcast is twenty fifteen. My producer of Vian Marie hates when I do that, but that's my thing. We are back here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcasts for the People. I am at the
one once again in Boca Raton, Florida. I saw some critters running by because Boca Raton, Florida is akin to Jurassic Park, especially this time of the year. I have somebody in here. She described herself before she came in. I'll get into her credentials in a second. She goes, I'm not sure if I'm a friend or a foe. We will get into that. I think she would describe herself as a diva. But she is very multi hyphen it. She is a therapist, she's an author, she's a hypnote therapist.
She's a coach, she's a bon vivante. She's the host of the Your Mental Highness podcast, and that should tell you everything. You need to know about her. She's not. Her real name is doctor Janey Lomaski, but she goes by doctor j Welcome to the Great Love Debate.
Wow, thank you so much for having me here.
Finally, finally I've known you like a month. She's like finally and she comes in here? Are you come in here? And You're like, you're so distracted and you're not talking to me, not creating anybody. I want to save it for the podcast.
Yes you did say that.
Yeah, that's like people, you know, wanting to send people a list of questions before they go on a date, and I'm like, save it for the date.
You're right.
You asked me what I was drinking, and I said, ask me again because I want to tell the story.
Okay, so what are you drinking?
I'm drinking ice green tea and let me tell you why.
But can I just tell you that I didn't take you for an ice green tea, but.
You took me for what like bourbon oclock in the afternoon? Yes, okay, that says a lot about me, I guess, and how I look. I almost never drink anymore. I used to be known. I used to drink so much diet coke that I was known in Santa Michael, California as diet coke Guy. I would wake up in the morning and I would get a big gulp of die coke and fill it all day long. I'll drink like one hundred diet cokes a day. I do the Great Love Debate
Show live in Minneapolis a few years ago. A woman comes up to me after the show and she goes, that was a really good show. That was fun. I work with a lot of people in the relationship space, and I go, what do you do? She goes, I'm a hypnotherapist, and I go, what are you do in the relationship space? She goes, I try and heal them. I go, you can hypnotize people out of heartbreak. She goes,
I can hypnotize people out of anything. She goes, what do you think the hardest thing to hypnotize you out of? I go diet coke. She goes, sit down. Ten minutes later, I never had a diet coke again. It works right, and I and part of me is like, oh, I wasted my wish on diet coke like ten minutes in a bar and I never had to die coke again. And now I have green tea, so I have the illus of healthy. So you do. You also believe that you can hypnotize people out of anything or into anything.
I believe in hypnosis. I believe in hypnotherapy. It's used for many things. It's used for trauma, it's used for smoking cessation. I got a friend, actually a good friend of mine, or actually not really good friends anymore, but we were and he stops drinking coffee. He said, I'm so anxious. I'm so anxious. I said, stop drinking coffee. He said I can't. I said, well, come into my office. He did never touch a cup again.
See to me as a lay person, I think hypnotherapy is so wildly different from traditional therapy, which you also do. How do you balance both sides of that?
Well, you know, hypnotherapy is just one of the techniques that we use, so it's more like it's an intensive type of therapeutic intervention versus talking therapy. In my hypnotherapy, I do something called heart centered hypnotherapy, and what it is is as we do an induction with two age regressions and then a healing for your inner child.
Oh wow, I could use all that I got interviewed and they asked me what is the hardest challenge about getting into good relationship? And my answer was getting out of a bad relationship. And a lot of people stay in bad relationships too long. They're afraid that it's a game of musical chairs and they won't get a seat. They would rather deal with the the you know, the devil you know, than the one you don't. You have written on this today. To stay or not to stay?
Is that what it's called. It is a challenge to get out of a bad relationship because you're still maybe chasing the one day of the week that it's bad and the light still flickers on and you hope they can change or they used to be like that, And there's so many variables in our minds that it's tough to just say screw it, right true.
That's actually we're taught. The most difficult type of bond or relationship or habit to break is where there's partial reinforcement. People stay in bad relationships because it's bad, bad, bad, and that one time, like you said that, they're thrown a bone or oh you look beautiful, or you're so good to me. They want to catch that again and it's called intermittent or partial reinforcement. And it's so difficult to leave that because you're waiting for it.
I had that. I had a girlfriend and she was I won't even talk about the relationship. I'm just saying she was happy. Maybe that i'd lot to do their relationship six days a week so I could get through one bad day and then went down to five and then four and three and two and one. That one day was enough to last a couple more years, because I would, I might, it's still possible, and you would hope one would turn into two whatever. It never did because once it goes, that's tough to tough that slide.
But I was that was enough to give me hope. And it was so bad.
So wait, it was one bad day, or it.
Was one bad day, and eventually it got to six bad days.
Oh it started at one day.
Yeah, so she was great, and then the second year goes, you were bad. I don't think you got any better. Maybe it could have been me. I'm sure I wasn't. I was only cared about the one day that she was happy. I mean, this is a good question. I don't know. Looking back, I'm sure I was not dream boyfriend, but she just wasn't in a happy person and she went into that spiral. I didn't know how to handle it.
But the fact that one day week the light bulb would go back on, I'd be like, oh, it's possible, and you're chasing that and that was frustrating for me. I'm sure it was frustrating for her, and I'm like, I hope I can't. I hope we can make it to Sunday, that's her good day. And it just it was unhealthy, but it made the makes a relationship last for a long long time because you didn't want to leave and then suddenly whatever was going through her, which
people do go through shit. It could be a time, it could be a mood, and it could be whatever. You do want to ride it out, but you can't ride it out for thirty years.
How long was that relationship.
About six years?
Wow, that's a long time.
Yeah.
Interesting, so so, but you were unhappy for you had just the one day and I stayed for six years.
Massacres possibly, But part of me is like, she's going through something and my job as her boyfriend is too not the answer is to support her, I felt at the time. My job was to fix it and that didn't help.
No.
But so I wasn't like, what's wrong with you? I was like, watch me juggle? Will this make you laugh? And she's like, no, you're an idiot. Stop doing that. I'll see my my my man in a box like whatever. I was just like, well, she's just moody, and there was clearly something going on with her that I was either not in tune to. This is before I did the Great Left Debate. It wasn't so wise then or able to handle that. I would dismiss it. I would
just ignore her on the bad days. So I'd go for a walk for like nine hours, like okay, because we lived at the beach, I'm like, oh you're coping. Yeah. That wasn't a good way to do it. Probably could have figured that out, or if I just asked the question, is there anything I can do to support you? Is there anything wrong? Like I didn't. I wanted to pretend that didn't happen. You know, this isn't about me, But a lot of people do this, and a lot of
women do this. They justify the behavior like shit, my husband's drinking more, he's going out more when he was home Wednesday night and he did pick the kids up at school, so I guess everything's fine, Like we do want that because the idea of oh my god, this is not working, it's broken and I got to go back out there in date or I failed in a relationship.
Well that's the big one that I have to go back there and date. That's a huge one. People do not want to start over.
They don't. It's like, oh my god, I got to could learn somebody's habits all over again. I got to figure out what side of the movie theater they like to sit on. Like you were in this comfort zone that might not even be that comfortable, and you're like, that's better than I got to go through one hundred resumes. Essentially.
I had a guy once say to me, you're moody. That's why. No, he said, I'm moody. That's why I like being with.
You, because you're not. I wasn't sure, But your job is to be sure because you're a therapist.
Well, I try not to be one when i'm dating.
Well, how do you shut that off? Because that was one of the questions I had, like, because that's intimidating, it's seeming to me for somebody going on a day with me because they're like, are you asking me questions for the great love debate? Or ask questions because you're interested. My answer is always a bit of both. Oh wow, it's a bit of both.
Like, so I usually say that if I'm working, I'm going to give you a bill, I'm charging you. Oh so that's why I that's what helps me to separate it. I don't want to. I want to turn off, but you can't. The answer is you can't.
I can't take your brain off.
Can't turn off what you know? What's like day in and day out. I analyze, It's what I.
Do, but in the moment, it's not doesn't make you a better date or either therapist go to therapist.
Oh yeah, no, it doesn't. Definitely doesn't make you a better date.
It might make you worse because you're because you're analyzing everything much worse.
I'm like already thinking about your green tea. And you really had a problem when you were wearing a suit jacket today.
That's weird. You would have thought, maybe because we're recording South Florida, you would have thought it was more socially acceptable for me to sit here with a whiskey than a green tea.
Well, you look more like a whiskey than a green tea.
Is that a compliment or is that an insult?
I would say it's a compliment.
Okay. Some guy came in here the other day. He's like, you seem like a cigar bar. Guy. I'm like, I do. I don't.
I can see the cigar and the whiskey.
Yeah, that means I'm just rumpled dot I don't. Okay, I mean to shave more, I suppose. But yeah, so you're and then you're like, huh green tea. To me that would be like, oh, he's very multi layered. And to you you're like, hey, it's kind of a pussy.
I don't know if I went that far, but it was close.
I think it's good for you. Right. This might even be half green, half black and.
Not stop staring at the green tea.
Sorry about that.
No worries.
So back to to stay or not to stay? Because I had a divorce lawyer on this podcast a couple months ago. She was great during yafa and I asked her, I said, are there too many divorces or not enough? And she said there aren't the right ones. And so she's like the right people the wrong people are getting divorced. That there's a certain amount of people that should be able to work through the muck and get through it to the other side if they could do just communicate
or you know, heal. And then there's certain people who should be broken up from the third date, and they let stuff fly until they're five years into it, and maybe a kid in a mortgage and it's too late to get out of it and they can't pull the parachute, and then they wake up and they're fifty four. You know.
Well, I guess I would say psychologically speaking that there are a little bit of both too much divorce with maybe the wrong people and not enough divorce right from people. So I definitely think that I both more people certain people should be getting divorced. So like here, I have a new couple that came in. She cheated for three years, she's sober for fifteen years, he's sober for two years. He caught her cheating when they first started out dating.
Then when they got married, she cheated again.
So was she cheating with the same person for three years?
Just lots of this, No, the same person for three years, the recent one but then this was a new thing that I thought was interesting. He said, she may be sober because I guess alcohol was her thing like pills was his. But she's not emotionally sober.
I know. That's a question. Would you rather have a drunk or cheater? I mean, I suppose, because neither neither's good. So when you work with a couple, in the first five minutes or the first couple of sessions, you have to know like should these two be together or should these two not? And you can't give that opinion correct.
So that's what they all want to know what to do. But they don't want to know what to do right because you know how many times I've told people, listen, this is what I see, this is your history, this is the behavior, this is what's going to happen. What do you want to do a lot of people don't listen. So that's I have a good business.
Yeah, I know they don't want to listen. They pay you.
Either way, they don't want to listen.
But how do you find yourself not taking sides.
I'm very good at neutral.
I know, but that's how do you do that because you must be like, oh my god, he's such a fucking asshole? What is she doing with him? Or vice versa and you. I went to a therapist once with a girlfriend. I thought she was she I've been twice once. I thought that that she definitely liked me the therapist and I charmed the shit out of her, and I want a lot. And secondly, I went to one that had been like, you're on her side, Like clearly I
felt like they talked before the session. I was super paranoid, like I didn't like any of it. You have to go in and just hope that this is an honest dialogue between three people.
That's why I did. I do have a lot of people that say to me, wow, I really felt that, Like, you didn't pick a side. What I do is I empathize with both. I look at them as individuals and I can empathize. Once you empathize with their story or empathize with their side, you don't pick sides. Plus, it's not my personal I'm as a psychologist coming in, not just a person saying, oh my god, she did that or he did so.
Is empathy or thing in psychology, it's a huge thing. See that seems like you're that that involves feeling. Yes, but shouldn't you not feel anything? You're just looking at the data. You should be a cold ass bitch.
No, no, who educated, I'm going to the wrong.
Yeah thoughts, but no, I know your life.
Yeah that's good.
She's out of the fringe. Yes, so she's so crazy that I can't charm her. I'm like, okay, I good.
But it's all when you know, a lot of times people say, oh my god, did you like him or did she like him? Like as a psychologist, there's something called transference and countertransference, so it's not necessarily like not for everyone though, because there is My Doctor, My Lover. If you ever saw that sixty minute episodes, it's very old, but it's like obscene because he literally would time the sessions, they would have sex, the timer would go off, she
would pay for the session and then leave. And when he went to court, yeah, all these years and opens up this whole story it's called My Doctor, My Level. I'll never forget I watched in My Doctor.
Is that illegal or is that just a bad technique?
It's illegal and he got off with like a slap.
On the Why is it legal? Illegally? It's just his technique.
He's it's weird. It's not illegal, it's it's due harm.
That's a crime. Or it's ethically wrong and you use your license, it's illegal.
Really, yes, it's unethical and illegal.
And I'm a weird thing. So I might have told this on a prior podcast. There was a there was a story on the news in Phoenix and this guy got arrested because he was going to car washes outdoor car washes like self serve, and he was crawling under cars and he was looking at people's feet, looking at women's feet, and I'm like, why is that a crime. He's not touching them, He's fifty feet away. He's just like, look at their feet. If he looked at their face,
nobody would care. If you looked at the hands, nobody would care. I think it's because that it's weird. He got arrested. Wait, wait, wait, he's just crawling under cars and he's staring at women's feet and they arrested him for like criminal mischief or something like that. And I'm like, why is that a crime?
I don't know, right, I wanted to let.
Like he's a freak and a foot fetishist, right, But if he was if he was standing in distance and he was just looking at your elbow or your face, nobody would say anything. But because of his feet and people think it's weird, it became a crime.
I think that's weird.
I agree with you. So I'm not trying to defend the foot fetish, but I'm like, why is that illegal? He's not touching anybody, he's not saying anything.
I don't even think is a foot fetish.
No, it's not. But they arrested him and he's like, it was like fifty thousand dollars bail. I'm like, how serious. I wanted to set it like a GoFundMe for a freak.
I can think of so many more people leading to arrest.
I agree. We got a lot to talk about here. I'm gonna get into the nitty gritty. I'm here with Jane Lamaski, doctor j She is your mental highness. I take a quick break because you have to pay for things like what fetishist and therapy. We'll be back right after this, and we are back what made you get into Like when you're six years old, you don't dream of being a therapist.
No, I dreams of being a ballerina.
Same you too, no way, and then.
A vallerina, and then actually a lawyer.
So how does one get into because that is a big leap and it's very specific, and you have to feel that you have empathy, like you have to know that you have a gift of some kind too, and that gift is what curiosity? What is that?
It's more than that, it's being able to do the things we talked about empathize, being neutral. It's like putting pieces of a puzzle together and somebody brings you a puzzle every single week, and you have to be really good at figuring it out and doing it with such care and compassion and consideration. I always had that. I was always a mediator. There were friends that were always arguing. I was always able to fix it. I was always able to make all sides feel like they won.
Right, So how do you get into so with that?
Oh? So right? So then what happens is I want to be a ballerina. My parents promised me. We moved to Florida. I'm originally from Brooklyn, New York. We moved to Florida. We're going to open you up a dance studio and there you go. We get to Florida, and my parents said, are you serious? You think we were serious that you're not going to go to college.
Oh no, see I believed I was ready for I believe them just and you said, I.
Believe them too. So I said, okay, go to college. Then when I went to college, they were like, well, no, you have to do something more. You can't do much after college. I said, okay, So I went to law school. I took my lsatz. I didn't really prepare, surprisingly because I did not think that I would do well. I did well enough to get into Nova Law School, which I went one day. Why did I go one day? Because when I got there, I my skin was not thick enough. I ran into people that were really they
were out, they were cut throat. That was not me. I was super nigh, super kind, sweet. I wanted to help and heal the world. So I knew I couldn't go home and tell my parents that I'm not in school. So across the street was nov School of Psychology, and I got into the mental health clinical mental health program and then I from there, I said, that's all I'm a mental health counselor not that that's bad. But I
thought from law, I'm going to become a doctor. So then I went to Miami and I got my doctorate.
Huh. So most people you start off as like dealing with like addiction issues and stuff like that, and then you find your niche.
I actually when I went in addiction, I actually did one week. It was called can I say what it's called?
Course?
Place called spectrum, like the.
Fucking addiction I thought you were going to give me something like swear.
It was a fucking addiction clinic. That's why I came in and they would First they started with bring me a bag of potato chips, So I brought them potato chips. Then they say, oh, bring me a candy bar. Brought them candy bars. And then do you have any benadriylls. I'm like, no, you can't have my pills. And then I realized, oh my god, they're lying and using and that's not good. No, I'm out of here. I don't like it. So I crossed that off the list.
Cause it's weird to find your niche, Like I always find doctors interesting, like why did you choose to be an orthopedic? Why did you choose to be a proctologist? Why did you pick like that lane and doctor, I mean lawyers too. Lawyers pick a lane. They're like, I'm going to be personal injury or whatever. Therapy is a wide net to cast. Do you decide on what you're good at, what you're interested at, what the need is in the community.
For me, it came from dance. So I love dance. You know that I wanted to be a dancing therapist, which I kind of am if you come into my office. But what I did was I went into behavil medicine because it's all mind's bodies. So I started out in pain management. So funny enough, I didn't want to work in addiction. Guess what pain management is very much about addiction. That's where you get roxy codones, OxyContin, I mean percosets. I mean. I learned so much about addiction and pain management.
But because of his mind's body, and I learned all these tools, biofeedback, connecting the mind, body, meditation, autogenics, that's what I started to love. And I did that for years until I wanted out. And I wanted out because I married one of the pain management doctors. And that's probably for another show.
Yeah that's ethical. Yeah, you can do that I could do that.
Yeah, I could definitely do that. And I got to meet all the anesthesiologists and doctors, and I could tell you a.
Lot pain pain management, the skill set to deal with it probably has some level of not just love addiction, but heartbreak. Heartbreak is about pain management, coming back from that and realizing you don't need to mask this and unraveling it. There's a lot to that, right, and that might be the longest lasting, most devastating pain anybody can go through is heartbreak, and if you don't heal it, it affects every relationship in your life.
That's what you said. Heartbreak is true pain. People will come in and literally to my practice and tell me that they're having physical pain, whether it's their head or their chest or their stomach. So my background always helps because I connect my body stuff with it and that's why it's so effective. The types of techniques I use. It is not just talking therapy.
Right.
Love is like one of the top things that people come in for, like heartbreak. Love it's you know, everyone is looking for love, but they don't really know what it is. Everyone has an illusion of what love is.
They haven't defined it well. They just think it's a feeling and I'll know when I see it, you.
Know, and they don't realize there's lust and there's infatuation. I mean, and I tell people all the time, love is stable, it's secure.
How do you define it stable?
Secure? How did I define and secure?
Isn't boring?
I used to define it? It's fire.
How do you know you're in love? I'll give you my answer, give me yours. How do you know you're in love? Is there is there a tangible?
Well, there's a difference between in love and loving someone.
I'll give you my definition, and you could in love or love in love? Okay, When there's nothing I'm doing that I wouldn't rather be doing with her doesn't mean I have to do it with her. It means i'd rather That means that her thought, my mind is with her no matter what I'm doing. I want to somehow share that with her. If I have that feeling, I know that not only do I love her, I'm in love with her. Now for some people, that's not fireworks enough for me, I'm like, if I define it so
you can find it, does that make sense to you? Yeah?
Because you know what, it's very good that you said that, because for each person it's different.
I can't really say like I love pizza, I love the New York Giants, I love my dog. It's different.
People love differently and people fall in love differently.
So I try to define it as like, this is a mental and physical feeling that I have, and what is that about? And it's just longing, like I want to share this moment either I want to physically be with me for it, or want to caller and tell her about it, or I want her thoughts on it. If I have that person, I love her and I'm in love with her. That works for me. That doesn't work for everybody else.
So as long as it works for you and it works for her, then it works. But what happens is sometimes people see that as infatuation or luss.
Like in it could be I want to get him in my life all the time and share him that's true, right.
Or her like I don't stop thinking about you. When when I was married, because I don't want to talk about it, but let me talk about it. He would call me during my sessions all day long. All day long, I'm like, hey, you know, I'm in a session. He'd say, yeah, just telling you I love you. I'm like, okay, I gotta go. I'm in a session, like not see.
I would date him.
I would love that, you would love him.
There's what is the downside to that?
It's too much?
Well, if you're in a session, you're not answering how is it too much?
Because he would call over and over and over until I would answer.
Oh, that's annoying. But I don't think there's any I want as many. I'm thinking of you. I love you, I miss you as possible. That's maybe that's my neediness, but I I can't. You know. I've had people say that I don't want to call you're busy. Call me if I'm busy, I won't answer, but I want the message, and don't call me. You don't not leave fuck a message? Yeah, the message? Yeah, because then I'm like, oh shit, then you do have to call back. But if you're like, listen,
you don't need to call me back. I love you good. Who doesn't want that? You don't want that?
No? No, no, no, oh no, I did not say that. Let's scratch that for the record. I do want that. I think that's amazing. I love that. I think there has to be a happy balance. I think there needs to be a balance so people don't get, you know, too much over and then don't give people a place to breathe.
I want to fucking all.
Okay, so a session, I know that's probably sure. Come to me for one session.
Please, how go on your podcast showing you a live so that people can hear it.
I would love to do that.
So you could probably trace that back to Yeah, I probably didn't hear I miss you, I love you in the Howie House growing up. Probably didn't get that.
I got that so much.
I didn't. Oh, that's why it means something.
You see why we're different.
I did a podcast a couple months ago. You guys can go look it up, and I said that there's five things that I need to hear, and the order has changed. I need good morning in priority, good morning, good night, I love you, I'm sorry, and thank you. Those are the five things that mean a lot to me. I used to think I love you as the important one. I'm sorry became the most important one because that's the
hardest to say. That is the one that takes the other person caring enough about you to admit something was wrong, that changed to me over the years. Thank you moved up a lot of things, so as I have as my needs is changed, or maybe either mature or of all or I've gotten worse. What is it? I reevaluate that list. But those are the five things that I like that are that are doable for anybody, and I.
Like those things. Actually, those are all very important. I agree with that you're super.
Important thinking of you, I miss you, I care about you, I'm sorry I hurt you, and you're important, Like they all have a different meaning. And I had to sit down and people are like, you overthink this. Yeah, maybe good welcome with a great love debank. That's the whole point here. We're fucking five hundred shows here. It's good that I overthink of it, or you have nothing to
listen to here. But I remember when that changed in my life and I'm and and somebody said I'm sorry to me, and I'm like, I can't even tell you how much that meant to me because it must have been so hard, and I like clung to that apology, you.
Know, it's psychologically speaking.
Yeah, that's why you're here. I'll give you three hundred.
Dollars thank you, But psychologically speaking. So that is probably for you because it's not for everyone, and those are good things. That's because it's part of your love language.
Words of affirmation.
There you go.
But most men have words of affirmation.
Most women know most men actually have physical they don't.
That is something that women think. You're wrong, doctor, Do you research that. Yes, it's like eighty percent. We need the physical touch because we don't ecology journal psychology doesn't deal with love languages. It's not their thing. Oh they don't. They are aware of them, but they think it was.
They're a journal of love.
That's the great love debate. Okay, the reason we need the physical touch is because we're not getting the words, and if we got the words, we wouldn't be groping at you as much. We can understand physical touch. If you're touching us, you must not you must like us. If you gave us the words which mean more. You go ask ten men right now, I.
Can it's my office. How come the.
Guys you're dealing with broken men. That's a different pool. Go to the mall. What's the mall here?
We're all broken?
Yeah, we're all special needs children. You go to the town center mall. Here and ask one hundred men, what is your lum languages? Ninety percent won't know any of them, but if you lay them all out, eighty percent will say, where's the reformation?
Okay? Can I do that?
Women need physical touch more than men?
Can? We have like a thing here?
You act like I haven't done this.
I do not. I did not know you've done so much, but I would love to find out my scene.
I think I'm just throwing darts here.
And I feel like the dart board.
No, we know shit here. We've heard from the men. They want the words. The women will give the touch long more long before, and far less more frequently than they will give the words. We don't get the pat on the nose, We get the smack on the nose.
So you're saying that because broken people come to me, the regular guys out there that don't know that they're broken, but they're not in therapy, they want.
Well, they're not coming to you saying I need physical touch. That's because they're coming and saying my wife doesn't love me and she's not banging me anymore. Like that's what they're coming. They're not coming to you and say, hey, I need to touch women.
So what you're saying especially, I want to add this into my practice. So men charge you, I want to make sure I will pay you back the threat if you are right. So what you're saying is men want the words of affirmation, yes, over the physical touch.
It's not even close. And if they get the words they need. For example, on a first date, he's making moves, he's he's because we think you think we're.
Gross, and that's not true, don't I know.
But the only way that we know that you you might say like thank you or this fun. We're not getting a whole lot back from you on dates. We're complimenting you. We're trying to make it. We're doing a lot of the work here. And if you make out with us, oh, she must like me. If you said, listen, I'm not going to do anything until I'm comfortable. But once I'm comfortable, it'll blow your mind. He'll calm the fuck down. Those are words of effort.
I agree with that.
Right. That means I think that you are desirable. I want to get comfortable with you. I like spending time with you. You didn't care about the touch after that, you'd rather have that.
So are you saying that women dating women do not communicate enough.
That's it. Yeah, no doubt. I'm like, he didn't ask me out again. I'm like, did you tell you want to go out again? She's like, I said, thank you. I'm like to say I'd like to do it again. She's like, he can tell, you'll fucking tell. There's no idea.
I have a really good example, and maybe I can. We'll switch hats for a minute because I'm okay. And like I say, when I go on date, doctor Howie, doctor Howie in the house, because doctor Jane needs a little help here. So when on a date, had a really nice time, went to the restaurant, good banter, good conversation, date is over? Can I drive you home? Because I ubered there. I said, yes, you can definitely drives me home.
He said at a really good time. I said, so did I. He's like, great, we should do this again. I said, yeah, I'd love to. And now he's going back. He's all the way in Miami and we're here in Bocas. So I said, you know what, let me help you pull out your Google Maps. I'll put in your address and show you. Because the guy doesn't really know technology, is fun. Oh, okay, great, I said, okay, thanks again. I said it was really great and fun, and he said, okay, wonderful.
I said, safe drive home? Did I say safe drive?
No?
Maybe I didn't say safe drives home? But it was really fun and great. I go home. We talk after a couple of times, texting because people text all the time. And then after the texting, he says, would you like to go out on the boat on Sunday? I said, sounds great. Sunday comes, I don't hear from him. I don't text him, he doesn't text me. A few days later, I decide, okay, I wish you lots of luck in your search, and he says, wait, wait, wait, what are
you talking about. I didn't think you liked me. Yeah, and okay, but now I'm going to tell you what. So what? This is where the women are frustrated. Okay, so I'm a psychologist, but I am a woman in here.
Did he kiss you in the car? Uh?
Yes? We kissed?
Okay, Yes, this was it.
You're ready because I'm going to tell you what he said.
Huh?
He said, usually women say text me when you get.
Home, and you didn't say that. No, nor shit that's what men say. I don't know if women say.
That's what he said, thank you. So there are exceptions to the rule.
Totally right. You might have done everything right and he might have though felt unworthy. Maybe he found somebody by Sunday. I don't know, but he might not have. He might have been like, she does like me, she's great. I can't handle this in a moment like there's a chance where you really did everything right. I think that's the
outlier generally speaking. So the minute, you know, the minute that I would have picked up that you like me when you said I could drive you home, thank you, that is a big deal.
I thought that I did a lot of things to shew them. And then after this banter back and forth, and you know, you also didn't say, like drive safely. Yeah that's why said I said. But I said I had a great time. I liked it. Let's do it again.
I wouldn't even get on the boat with this guy fuck him.
Yeah No, I didn't, and I'm not and I'm not going to give it. I'm definitely not giving him on the date. But the point is, there's so much psychology in everyone when they're dealing there's so much game playing, there so much worry community.
I agree with you on that that is an exception. You did everything right.
Thank you.
Did you say you want to come in for a bourbon?
I'll take a green tea exactly all right.
In the interest of time, I'm gonna let you talk about your mental highness in a second. We play something called worst date or first date, which means you have to either give us the worst date you've ever been on that was bad, but it's not the worst or the greatest first date you've ever been on, your choice.
Okay, Wow, so many worst date or for state. Okay, I will do the best date. I'm gonna do worst dates. Okay, but they're they're in competition, so no problem for you guys out there that know me. You may have been the worst, but I'm not. Okay, So worst date okay. Nice guy lives actually in Boca. Uh picks Did he pick me up? Yes, he actually picks me up.
Good for you.
He picks me up in the car and when he picks me up, he has his Pomeranian sitting in the front seat. Oh, we're going for dinner dressed up? I said, Oh I think it was. Yes, it was a Paris Hilton type, right, So I said, okay, I said, so, I guess we'll go to a place that you know has dogs. No, no, no, this is a service dog. Okay, sure, because I just want to make sure because I know I like emotional support evaluations, but I don't do service evaluations.
You have to go proper training. No, no, no service dog. Okay. So now he puts this little vest on the dog that says service animal. We go to where was it. It was somewhere in Fort Lauderdale. I think it was callous actually, and we walk in with the dog and they say, no, you can't have the dog. I said, oh my gosh, okay, so you I said, what if we sit outside? No,
you can't sit outside. So the guy starts sweating, literally like sweating, and his eyes teared up, and I thought to myself, is he kidding?
Yeah?
No, he was like crying. Okay. Anyway, he called his mother to pick up the dog. His mom came to calloose to get the dog. I'm already turned off. I want to leave. I do not want to be with this guy. But I'm nice, and I said, okay, his mom gets the dog. Met the mom takes the dog, leaves, comes back. He is sitting there. There's a guy that comes in, I kid you not, and he has there's a guy in the restaurant who's eating there and he has a seeing eye dog. Okay, this is so weird.
You just made me think about it. And the dog is in the restaurant. My date goes ballistic. I want a manager. I don't understand.
Yeah, like a legit service dog.
Like a legit service dog. The guy's blinds, you can laugh a dog. He goes ballistic nuts. I don't know how I stayed. They calm him down. We go outside to eat. He has a drink and the guy and I'm sure you've heard this before. I did not know. He has one drink, another drink, another drink, another drink. Mind you fast forward. I take the keys and I have to drive him home and then uber myself home during it.
Green tea guys, not so bad now, it's at it.
All, forget the bourbon, bad at all. That was definitely one of my worst dates. When I as we were driving home and I thought he was just like smash. He started doing baby talk, like literally like a child. He's like if you were in my mommy, I said, oh, I will your mommy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he happens
to be a very affluent guy in the community. In this community, I want to get a name, yes, yes, And he's a professional and he owns many different things, and oh my gosh, I can't believe this is how he is. So I know a lot of people.
Are not really.
Yeah, it was a really really really abstract.
All right, tell people about your Mental Highness.
Okay, So I just started podcast Your Mental Highness, and it is about psychology and psychopathology and mental health. And I use a lot of humor and I give you a lot of tools and techniques, and I like to empower people and motivate them, so that's part of it. And humor is a huge part of it because people don't laugh enough. And in my business it's all depression and anxiety and anger. So you got to use humor.
Good for you. And I've seen you in a tiara. It's just daywhares, right.
So I have different crowns. Since friends of mine and family know that I'm doing Your Mental Highness, I have a bunch of different crowns.
So every girl needs a crown.
I needed to connect with you to see what crown you needed. So now I'm going to provide you with a crown when I have you on my show.
Deal see friend or funk. This wasn't so bad? Right?
Better?
Thank God? Trying to please my therapist here. You were good as far as us and your mental highness. Like share, follow, Please review this podcast you reviews me in a lot any podcasting ecosystem uh shoots an email Great Loove Debate at gmail dot com if you've got questions thoughts for doctor j Me or anything else, because as always, thank you doctor Jay at The Great Love Debate. We never stopped making love. See you next time. The Great Love Debate.
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