This is pod popular podcast for the People, the Great Love Debates. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a great love Hi again, I want It's Brian Howie.
Welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's number one dating relationship podcast. It's twenty fifteen. I am back here in the very fine studios of Pod Populi podcast for the People. I am at the one in Cleveland, Ohio. I have not been here in a while to record. I was about to say it's a nice day in Cleveland. My producer, the famous two time eman one Winny Keko, gets so mad at me that I give a little meteorology report.
At the start of these podcasts.
But theater of the mind, I like to set a scene of what I'm doing. You get just me again today, and there's a reason for that. I'm gonna give you a little bit of news.
I don't know whether to.
Give you the news first or what I want to get into first. I'm going to get into it because I really liked this. So I always get sent a lot of memes and articles and things, and people always want my opinion on stuff on Do you agree with that? Do you think of that, and a lot of it is philosophy, some of it is opinion, some of it is rants, some of whatever. And people send it to me, and you know, a lot of it doesn't resonate unless it's something that I haven't seen put that way before.
One thing I did see the other. I'm not going to get into this part of it today. I think it was Alison Armstrong. Somebody sent me a clip of her talking about how the best men, the best catches, are ones that sort of own their shame or shame is a part of their world. And I know I've talked a little bit about that on my podcast, so I might dive deeper into that. So put a pain in that thought. Not to tease you at that, but there's a concept of that. But somebody sent me something.
I guess it was a tweet originally somebody named Matthew Coast and I don't know if who he is, and I apology. I apologize for that because this is pretty good. He's a relationship coach of some kind. Apparently there's a lot of those, some good ones, some bad ones. But he wrote this, and I'm going to tell you why this resonated with me, and just why. I really like it, so he wrote, and I hope this is original to him. I hope this isn't like something from Hemingway and he
just stole it. But I hadn't heard it before anyway, He wrote, one day you'll meet someone. One day you will meet someone who loves you exactly as you are. You won't have to beg for their time or prove you're worth loving. You won't have to fight for their attention or wonder.
If you're good enough. It will feel easy.
Calm, like it was always supposed to happen, the kind of love that makes you feel secure instead of worried. You won't have to chase them or stress about whether they really care. This person will see how amazing you are and love everything about you, even the parts you don't like about yourself. They'll love you in a way that feels safe coming home after a long day. And when you find that love, you'll finally get why you should have never accepted anything less. Real love isn't supposed
to be hard work all the time. It's supposed to make you feel peaceful, clear, and completely loved.
For who you are. I thought that was great.
It brings up a lot of words we use around here, while a lot like safe and calm, And you know, we've all been in relationships where we were constantly chasing a feeling that didn't come naturally, where it came naturally at the beginning and it faded over time. You know, I have sort of this theory that if two of the seven days a week things don't feel in your relationship kind of exactly the way you want them to feel, it's twenty eight point six percent of the time. That's
too high. That's too high. That's a big part of your week, that's a big part of your life. The days where you don't feel great, which might not have anything to do with really or the other person, those should be less and less. Those should be the outliers. Those should be a day or two a month, depending
on what's going on. But if it is part of your routine where it's like, yeah, Tuesdays and Fridays, I don't feel great, or I don't feel safe, or this person doesn't accept the way I am, then you've got a problem with your relationship. And a lot of times we're always chasing the feelings that we want and the feelings that we want to have and this is what
it's supposed to feel like. But a lot of time we don't spend enough time thinking about or talking about this is what I don't want in terms of the feeling and the feeling of you have to beg for their time or prove your worth loving.
Or fighting for their attention.
Hey, it's me. It's over there here. And I know when we get into relationships after a while and there's kids and jobs and life and stressors and all that kind of stuff, it might not be as easy as the first sort of ninety days of madly in love. But it should be because it should be your default and you shouldn't have to think about it, and it should be natural and normal and just sort of taking
each other's hand. That's what this should feel like. And so many times we accept less because it's good enough, or it's fine, or it's okay, or I don't want to ride of a cage, or I don't want to go back out there. A lot of people don't, you know. It took me a long, long long time to find somebody who this describes them. This this little blurb that I just read you, that's exactly how I feel. That's exactly who they are, that's exactly what we have.
And then you kind of look backwards.
And you're like, oh, man, I appreciate myself enough to sort of want this. I didn't feel like I deserved this. I constantly fight to earn this. And then your relationships, one way or another, one side or another, it always feels like this seesaw and maybe both of you were.
You guilty.
He's probably the wrong word, but responsible for not getting the relationship to a place where both people feel safe and seen and heard and valued and appreciated and admired and all of the kind of things that make a good relationship feel special. And you know that's what you're looking for, and that's why special feels good, and you know it should take a long time to find that.
It shouldn't be that easy.
If it was easy, every person would go out with give us this feeling, and then special would kind of be diluted. You want this to be the nearly impossible dream, but nearly impossible means that it is possible, and you want it to be the dream and you want to find the dream guy or the dream girl or whatever you know phrase you want to use to use that and then when you find it and you realize it's
not about the person as much. It's about the feeling that the person creates and the environment that the relationship forms, and what you guys have together. And you think of this person, whether you're with them, they're not or not the moment you wake up till the moment you go to bed, and maybe somewhere overnight in the middle of your dreams, your dream person is your real person. And that's something that I really think we don't spend enough
time on. We all know what it feels like to fight for attention and fight for acceptance and fight for approval, and it's just a bad feeling. And I know I am as guilty of this as anyone else, because I think if somebody gave this to me ten, fifteen, twenty
years ago. And I don't mean to turn a lot of the podcasts that I have recently in sort of this referendum on two thousand and two Brian Howie or you know, the ghosts of relationships past, I don't want to do that, but a lot of this I'm like, oh, man, I bet the person I was with had to stress about whether I really cared did they feel like they were the one and they were my girlfriend and they were everything that I wanted them to be.
I don't know.
Did I love them in a way that made them feel safe, like coming back to me or being with me was the end of a long day and I'm here and this is my guy.
I don't know.
I imagine all of us have been on both sides of this where we didn't give enough and we didn't get enough. So you know, I kind of wanted to throw this out there for you guys to think about and for you guys to comment on because it interested me and interests me a lot. So I'm gonna take a quick break here because our sponsors feel special, and then I will come back.
I'm gonna give.
You three sort of announcements, sort of things that I want you guys to chew on, but I think you'll like them. I think they're all relevant. So we'll be back right after this. And we are back, So three things. I don't know if they're they're news or blurbs or whatever. I'm gonna go with. I think the most important one first. So I know I've had more comeback tours than ben Elton. John Billy Joel, but believe Joel needs to come back to her. I think he's kind of at the end
of it. One more Mariah Carey Madonna, I don't know, Rolling Stones.
That's the best example of this.
And every time I say I'm done doing the live show, I think I'm done doing the live show. And the issue with it is, there's so many listeners to this podcast who have not seen or had the opportunity to attend one of our live shows. And they go to the Great Love Debate dot go to Great Load Tobaate dot com, and they check out the video and they're like, I want to be a part of that. And I did them a long, long time all over the world, you know, hundreds of cities and hundreds of shows, and
tens of thousands of people came and all that. I just kind of got burned out on the travel. I was traveling a lot for business and.
Blah blah blah blah blah.
But a lot of people have said, I want to see a show, I want to come to a show. I want to be a part of it. And I stopped doing it for a couple of different reasons. And then I realized that over the you know, COVID was a two year period where we probably did fifteen shows and two years do fifteen shows a month all the time. And then after that, you know, I would do maybe one every three or four months, and a lot of it were the same cities. And I kind of got
off the road. And then I realized a lot of you guys who are listening, maybe you just discovered this podcast a year ago or two years ago, or three years ago or six years ago, and maybe you haven't had an opportunity to to be a part of it. And to our credit, people do drive and get on planes and do everything to come to be a part of it. I mean, people show up at the shows and they're like, Hi, I'm from Toronto and I flew down to Atlanta to be part of a great love debate.
And so it's a little bit of laziness, a's a little bit of selfishness that I stopped doing them.
So not to be a hypocrite or whatever.
I'm getting the itch and some venues are starting to call again and are you interested? And you know, some things I want to rework, some things I want to revisit. I'm in a little bit different place in life now than I was at the beginning, where it was all just you know, cracking jokes about bad dates and stuff. So it might be a little more pensive. We might do a few more theaters and less Connolly clubs, but I am I'm thinking about it, So I'm open to suggestions.
If you're in a city and we've never been there, and it's got to be a good sized city, like don't send me Terre Haute, Indiana, and you've got a good sized venue and they have a good sized checkbook, I'm thinking about it.
I'm open to it.
With the couple that I think I'm definitely gonna do, and there's some places that I owe shows that got canceled in various places, but I'm thinking about it. So there's a second part of that that I didn't want to talk about, and me and my producer we were kind of kicking around all that.
So I have.
I mean, I guess the technical definition is cancer, and I don't mean to just throw that out there, but I have a cancer, a very rare tumor in my eighth rib that has busted through, and it's it's painful, but I don't think it's fatal.
So it's a little bit toibility.
And it's a little bit painful, and I'm trying to figure out how to treat that, which you know may or may not impact how I'm going on the road. The reason why I'm bringing that up it doesn't really affect me day to day that much, is that I cannot believe that the people that I have told about this and confided this to have you know, you want to know you're cared about, and you want to know you matter, and you want to know that you're loved.
I can't believe the amount of people that have shown me.
Sides to them and information and compassion and caring and stuff every single day that I had no idea that existed, and I had no idea that could be a part of my ecosystem, And it just matters so much. It matters to me, you know. A lot of this great love debate started the question I had after living in Las Angle just a long time time.
I one time thought to.
Myself, I was on the beach and I said to myself, if I got in a boat and I rowed out into the Pacific, how long would it take anybody to notice?
And how long would it take anybody to care?
And I didn't feel great about the answer I gave myself to that question. I probably underestimated myself. I probably underestimated the people in my life. I probably underestimated the definition of caring and how many people do. So that's a bad job by me. That's not a bad and that's part of me being walled off and not letting people in. But you know, I'm letting people in and a lot of people have reached out and a lot
of people have offered things. So if you have some you know, alternative cure or to like just go eat berries and BALI, I'm open to that. So I'm not turning this to a medical health podcast, but I wanted to just bring that out because A I appreciate those of the care be if you have some suggestions on how to fight whatever kind of sarcoma is in my rib and see may impact how many of these shows
that I think about doing. There's no chance I'm gonna get down the road and do you know twenty days a month like I used to do barnstorming, but I might do one or two. And you know, I did a show one night in twenty nineteen in at the Boca black Box Center for the Arts in Buker Tolt, Florida, forty eight hours after I was in a car accident broke twenty bones, including thirteen ribs, and I got on that stage anyway, So I played hurt.
And doing that show.
Was such a distraction to me, at least for those ninety minutes that I didn't feel the pain of that car accident.
And I did a show.
If you want to go back to late October twenty nineteen, I think I did a podcast talking about that. But sometimes you need the laughs and sometimes you need the thoughts of the crowd, and so part of this might be therapy for me. So I'm not you know, charging you guys a sixty five dollars ticket to come help me with my concerns. I think they'll be fun for everybody,
including me, and it might be a distraction. So the third thing I want to get into is somebody had a really good idea and I'm not going to steal it, but I'm going to use it. A lot of movies and television shows and pop culture things deal obviously on love, dating relationships, and so I was thinking about that, and I got some comments on a show I did a week or two ago about my philosophy on Greece and how Danny was kind of a dick and how Sandy
really must have been clueless. There was a lot going on there. So we're going to take some very famous rom coms and romantic musicals and television shows that had a through line of a relationship, and we are going to break them down on this podcast, like one movie for one, you know, for example, I'm not saying we're gonna do it, but say like pretty Woman, like we might take that and do a whole deep dive on what it means, what he did right, what she did right, what did wrong?
How it all came about all.
That as opposed as an apply to real life.
Does that make sense? You'll hear the first couple.
So what I'm doing on that note, because I want this to be as interactive as possible, and you guys know, I hate doing zooms.
But I'm open to it for this.
Or if you're in the area of a pod popular studio podcast with the.
People, maybe we'll bring you in to do it live. If you have.
A a real affection for I don't know, Serendipity, Must Love Dogs, Pitch Perfect is pitch Perk cover romantic?
Yeah kind of does something like that.
And you're like, I am an expert on this, and I want to take the deep dive. I want to give you an opportunity to co host this with me, but you better know this movie inside it out, because I will know it before I let you on.
And I'm gonna have opinion on it. I don't have a philosophy on it. And we're gonna take this down.
So shoot me an email, Great Love Debate at gmail dot com and say, I want to take on Slips in Seattle, and I'm the one to do this with you, and here's how it affected my life, and here's how it affects my dating and all that kind of stuff. I want to do that. That's an exercise we're going to do. So I'm gonna open it up to you, guys, do co host the show. I hope you're in the area of a studio, but if you're not, we will figure out a way to zoom you in remotely and
we'll have some fun with that. So shoot me your suggestions on that and why you should be able to do it. Great Love Debate at gmail dot com, Good Great Lovedebate dot com. You might see a tour stop or two pull up.
Send me an email at gmail dot com. If you've got an even.
Treatments that you haven't thought of, send me that too. And I don't care how far are the fringes you are on some of the stuff. I think some of the answers are out on the fringes. I have a non praying for me.
I like that.
But we have done five hundred and I don't know twenty something of these episodes, and your reviews still mean a lot to me and in the podcasting ecosystem, So please leave us a five star review. It still matters, and you guys still matter because at the Great Love Debate, after all this time, we never stopped making love.
See you next time. The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate.
Degreat Love Debates, It's a Great Love Debate.