GLD 513 - What Do We All Deserve?

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Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie. Welcome to The Great Love Debate, the world's number one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am back here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcast for the People. I'm back at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona, and the weather is lovely if you want to book somewhere Scottsdale, Arizona. Speaking of booking somewhere, so I was. I was on a train the other day, a trolley, a light rail,

I do have a lot to say about this. I know, well you listen to your part. There's a lot of like, I give this, I want this back. There's a lot of negotiating. Can I refer to what as your world in the sugar world? Is that what it's called sugar world? Sounds a lot like the Barbie world?

But there's obviously some honest discussion up front about it. And that's about like earned and merit. But does the word deserve come up? I'll tell you what.

The word deserve is thrown around haphazardly, and I I'm just out of the opinion. If you think you deserve something, you've got to show me why. And if you don't think you're getting what you deserve, you need to go get what you deserve.

And deserve is very subjective and the other person might have no idea how to differentiate from need, want, merit.

Right, I agreed, I think I deserve a raise.

I think so too. This is not the time or place that's a good conversation. I think I deserve a raise.

I actually recently got a raise. My boss is really generous.

Yeah, I think I deserve a raise. A lot of people come into that. I've had those conversations many, many times when somebody comes into me and they're like, I think of deserve a raise, And usually the deserve is based on some clock of time they put in and not actually any sort of achievement or merit within the performance. There's like, well, well i've been here twelve months. I think I deserve something.

Oh the fact that they put up with you that long.

True, And then they could make that argument like I have merited this. So we're going to be able to weave in and out of our own personal thoughts on this. But we got a half dozen that I thought we're pretty good, sent in via both email and our social media that I thought were good, and I think we're going to be able to explore some of these. As always, we picked three from the men and three from the

Ooh, an arrangements.

Quid pro quo.

We're familiar with those.

See he if he phrased this to her or us in a way that left the word out deserve if he's just like, I want sex or I need sex, even if I said I earned sex, which is possible. I mean, sex should never be a reward or a referendum on anything. It shouldn't be.

But he's just like, because I do this, my A plus B equals your C. I've had this exact conversation.

Well that's why you're here.

I've had this exact conversation with a with a past relationship, and it's and it went. You know, after all I've done for you, don't you think I deserve this?

You know how that went?

Over.

I mean like a lead balloon, right after all I've done for you. So sometimes they don't think that that means that. It might mean like I will bake you brownies because you did that. They What people don't like with deserve is you determining the prize. Is that right, Lily? If a man said that to you, like I took you to dinner, I deserve some fondling, Well.

I don't know if it's deserved. Men need sex, and women have to realize that if you're not keeping your man happy, he's gonna find his happiness somewhere else. So it's not so much that they deserve it. You have to recognize and acknowledge that they need it. Sometimes they deserve it, sometimes they don't, but they always need it.

So how should he say this to her? Because I think if you use the word deserve, it's very privileged and entitled and they don't like that. This is what I want from you, this is what I need. Like, how would you go about this If he's like, listen, I did this, this and this, I did everything you want me to do. I love you, blah blah blah. But what.

I don't think you should even have that conversation. I think you should whine her and dine her and maybe you're gonna get to sixty nine her.

What happens if it doesn't, Yeah, that's what he's getting at. He's tried it, you know. The bottom line is she probably doesn't either life And again, this changes over time too. Sometimes the women's sexual drive is off the charts at forty eight. You never know. She might just not want

Get you a sex doll, Ben, If you need sex on demand.

It's not the same.

No, Well, but seriously, this is a deeper problem in the relationship. She has to be on the mood. You gotta do something to get her in the mood. You can't just say this is.

A problem that happens to a lot of couples have been together in a while. Yeah, he's an age old problem. It is an age old problem. I don't think putting the word deserve into this is going to help your cause in any way, because what you're saying by doing that is I did these things only because I was hopeful for the reward at the end, and that's not exactly the most generous way to do it. She'd be like, I do it because I care about you and I love you, and you hope that the the tennis ball

He needs a different approach.

I mean, yeah, his approach is deserved. Be like, listen, you know what really does it for me when I when I take out the garbage nudity? You know, he's got to make it a little more playful and a little bit just like, this is my simple needs. I only ask for one thing. I don't think you. I think you have to take it on a little bit deeper level from that, right.

Yeah, I don't know if this will work, but the quickest way to gain a girl's attention is to remove yours.

Oh there you go, put that on a business card. Is that true? Really? Yes? I mean I think it is. I think that makes sense.

You know what, It's not true for me because I'm an attention whore. Oh I love attentions.

When your little old man doesn't contact you for two weeks, what do you say?

Oh my god, what happened to my little old man? I've been wondering about him before.

You didn't even think about him until he removed his attention phantom pain.

I still very rarely think of him.

Except yeah, but I've heard those words.

If he's still alive, we'll see his best life.

Yeah. Yeah, I need this girl. Like twenty five years ago, I would pay tons of attention to her. She paid no attention to me, and then she saw me talking to her friend one night and she's like, wait, that's the guy who pays attention to me, and she totally flipped out and got jealous that. I think there's a lot of merit to that. So if you're telling him, Ben, just don't bring it up or don't try, she might just be like relief, or she might have been like,

Be affectionate, yeah, compliment her.

Yeah, maybe maybe hold her hand, go a little bit south of sex, a little bit less. Okay. This is from Marguerite Margarita via our Facebook page. What do I deserve? I deserve your attention to listen to me, to hear me out, to empathize with me, to try to understand me and what I'm going through, whether it is good or bad. Forget about you for five minutes and focus on me. We spend plenty of time on you and on us and on others, but sometimes when I really

Fair Well, the way you read it, she was ranting.

I think she's had it with us generally. I can kind of speak to this because I years ago I was I was directing this play and I had a huge female cast in it, and my girlfriend was like, listen, I don't care. I don't think you're like like them.

Yeah, I've been there.

Too.

I've been where I was stretching myself too thin and I would just come home and I would just zone out. That definitely happened in my marriage.

Yeah. But the question is how do you when you lecture. All of this is about approach, and when you lecture somebody like you need to pay attention to me and you listen to mean he's got either one eye on the game or one eye on work or whatever his thing is. And some people just aren't good listeners. You know, we've said on this podcast before, it's not that she wants to be right, it's that she wants to be heard. And sometimes just standing there can be enough. You fake

What do you think, Marcus, Well, Relationships take work and communication.

The problem is ninety eight percent of people don't do any work and they don't understand relationships. And I think if they just took a few minutes just to even go to YouTube, or some kind of a source on the internet type in some of the feelings that are being expressed, they're going to find a really nice solution that will be amicable to both.

And just being present while she's talking sometimes isn't enough. And a lot of times we're just like, I listened to you, I heard you. But if she ever said the God forbid she goes, then what did I just say? Oh, which we've all been busted on a.

Million time all the time at work, Like.

I know you're not listening to me.

Like it's really hard to be present in a distracted world, even for our own purposes, to try and be present for somebody else. I think we all deserve that though, from somebody who is with us and caring about in relationship that for whatever time we need, I need you to be there for me in a moment or in an hour or whatever it is.

I think we do have to. I think she's right. I think we all deserve that.

Yeah, I do too.

It's not too much to Marcus is.

Like, ah, apologies, apologies to anyone I ever tuned out because I'm not a great listener.

The crazy thing is, I'm just having flashbacks of my marriage. It's not so much in my current relationships, but in my past marriage. Everything we're talking about hits home.

Well.

Currently, you are very good at tuning out your work wife.

Again, Is this the time or place he's on the computer? Yeah, I mean it's hard.

I think something and he's just kind of nod and I'm like, what did I say? I have no idea, so.

I don't I don't do that. I don't want to do video on this podcast. I know you guys bitch about it all the time, but Lily, can you describe this gesture that I'm making with my hand right now?

Talk talk talk, right talk.

So one time I had a cool friend and she was talking, talking, talking. I wasn't really paying attention, and she's like, you're not listening to me, You're not listening to me, And I did the little thing with my hand.

Yeah, I've never deserved to be hit before you deserved it.

She hit me so hard in the back of the head, and I never would do that again. I just did the like this is what's happening, And it was like the gum flapping thing so bad again, Like thirty two year old Brian needed a good hitting in the head. But and she was right. I think about things all the time in my doing the worth and in my growth, like what did I do that They they deserved more.

Even if you don't agree.

Just say, even if you don't agree.

I understand where you're coming from. I don't necessarily agree.

Yeah. Yeah, see, that's when we get in trouble set. I see your perspective. I could see how you feel that way. That's dangerous too. None of us on that. So you gotta like I hear you and I understand you, and I'm I think that's all they really want to know is that you're hearing. And I think she deserves that, and I think we all do deserve that. Okay, this next one is from buck Buck. That's a cool name. So as I went to a restaurant the other day and the hostess goes, can I have a good name?

This relationship is doomed. If you think it's doomed, I think it's doomed.

See, I'm a little more hopeful than you. I tell because we have a lot of single No, you.

Want a bitch about a chicks kid, your relationship is doomed if you can't accept.

The I don't think she's he's explaining the kid. I don't know if he's bitching about the kid.

He is bitching. He said her seven year old acts four.

Well, that might just be a fact. That's just his perspective. A lot of people. I tell people that we get a lot of single parents who write into the Great Love Debate, or they'll come to our shows or whatever, and they're always like, I have, you know, five days a month where I'm fully available or whatever. Who's going to sign up for that? And I always tell them the same thing. I go, you have to paint a picture as to your availability, and you have to be

Yeah, that's definitely the problem. He became less of a priority.

Yeah, because she's like, Okay, I locked that part of my life down. Yeah. So now we're dealing with some issues and you went right to the mom part of it. Who the idiot kid?

I'm very maternal and if someone doesn't like my kid, then we shouldn't be dating.

Maybe he's maybe he's putting his emotions if he saw her or was it able to get to know her, or or sounds like the only time he can see is when the kids around, so he's resenting the kid. Maybe he's interpreting the kid as being in a four year old when maybe the kid acts like a two year old. I don't know, I get his perspective. Let's just take the kid out of it for a second.

You can't take the kid out of the equation. So maternal, okay, let's adopt the kid out.

No, you can't say that I'm just saying, let's murder the child. She gave him. She gave him time early. That seems a little dishonest if suddenly like now she's never available, but she still wants So it's not like she's using the kid and saying I'm not available. I have to focus on my kid, which a lot of people do. They're in at two months and they're like, sorry, I can't do this. She's like, you're my boy friend, hang out here while I raised my kid for the

They need to talk about it, and they need to establish.

Yeah, there needs to be a serious talk because it's very obvious he has become less of a priority and in the beginning he was right and so he's feeling it and now there's going to be a lot of tension in the in this relationship.

Yeah, I don't think he's saying I deserve more time than a relationship I deserve. And I don't even think he can go back and say I deserve the same time as when we started, because you have to be cognizant of the fact that something could change. But he's like, if I'm going to be in a relationship with you, I deserve some me and you time, and you're going to have to figure out a way to work that out.

Here's the deal. Can we get Buck on the phone?

Probably not.

I need to know Buck does one of the questions for Brook does it have to be alone time? Or can we include the kid? Can we do some fun adventures with the kid? You get to know the kids?

You might really So it's just Chuck e cheese dates you.

No, not just but can we well he said that is he getting zero alone time?

He says, she seems to be unavailable unless I want to come over and hang out with her and her seven year old son. So it is a challenge to get a sitter. That's another trickle down in modern America, where nobody wants to work. The girls want to do that. Where there's a will, there's a way. Okay, what if he says, I'll get you a sitter, does the man have the right to hire a sitter.

I tell you I've been through the scenario dated. I've dated plenty of single moms and they had these challenges, and I struggled with it because I needed my alone time with her and this kid. These kids kept getting in the way, and it was very, very frustrating. And yes, we went on care dot com, We went on other sources and I would find babysitters. The problem is she was so critical of every single babysitter.

Right, And you don't want to get a situation where you hired the wrong babysitter. But if it's a financial thing where she's just like and he's like, can would you be offended off guy said that, listen, I'll hire a sitter and pay for it.

I would not be offended. I seen date night is extremely important. Their relationship's not going to grow if they have zero alone time.

I deserve date night. That's reasonable, right.

The hard part is he got spoiled when he was seeing her every night. Yeah, and now suddenly.

It's I mean, is this one of these things sometimes people do. I'll say people, because if I say women, they get mad. I just want to check off the box that I do have a boyfriend or a girlfriend so I don't have to worry about it, and then I'll focus on with them. And a lot of this is I said this on a podcast abut two years ago.

Right, I'm the same way. I am a time digger. I want copious amounts of your time. So I'm kind of like.

Buck right, But you're also like kid comes first, which it should, Yes, agreed, and I can't say, oh my god, I can't deal with you and the kid because he acts like an idiot. He probably is not that point to go. He's not coparent.

I did date when I was a single mom, but it always had to be someone who was very accepting of my child.

When do you bring the child into it? Because this seems pretty quick the child, Like, how quick were you on that? Yeah, you know that's risky too, because you don't want mom just bring around new dudes all the time, especially the seven year olds. They don't want that either. That's the tricky thing. The only way to include him is to include him with the kid. But it doesn't sound like this relationship is stable enough that that should even be this little family element.

And maybe she is one of those women and they're out there. My best friend is like this. She loves her alone time. She adores her family, but she loves her alone time. And she's so happy when they go off hunting or they go to a sporting event and she gets to sit home and drink wine.

And well, that's a pretty good segue, because I just took a sneak peek at our next one similar theme. I got to take a quick break because we have paid for babysitters and stuff around here. I'm with Lily and Marcus from Secrets of a Sugar Daddy. We're talking about what we all deserve and we will be back right after this. And we are back and the next one is MJ from Flavortown. It's a flavor Town's a

Taffy's very okay.

If you are going to go out with your friends or your coworkers, not tell me where, not tell me with whom, Not tell me why. You know what I deserve? I deserve answers. That doesn't make me needy, and it doesn't make me nosy. It's about respect. How many golf tournaments and work conferences and boys weekends without details should I put up with? I had this issue with both of my last two boyfriends, who complained I was badgering

Now, I I one hundred percent agree, because the problem is you start filling in the blanks with your own story, and that story can get crazy and very creative, and once you know the truth, you're like, oh, that's not at all what I imagined?

What was going on? Right? And unless he's just fucking with her and just everything is none of your business. There's no answer if it's a reasonable answer that you shouldn't be able to give her. Unless there's an answer, you don't want her to know. If you're not doing anything bad and she's just asking what are you doing? Maybe you're defensive for whatever reason, but I don't. I think she has every right to ask what you're doing and spending your time with and who you're spending your

I wasn't listening trying to figure out what flavor Town is.

Pay Can you pay attention for thirty seconds? Here? See that's the problem. I deserve your attention, and I deserve answers.

I think flavor Town is in the ruins of Lower Manhattan, just south of the Hive.

Okay, well there you go. That does nuts.

Doesn't sound really, it doesn't sound okay.

So she says that the boyfriend, the last two boyfriends she's had, have had these nebulous plans all the time, and she asks what they are and who she's with and where she's going, and he doesn't give the answers, and she says she deserves answers, and Marcus and I both agree she absolutely deserves answers. It's very reasonable.

I agree with both of you, and I don't think.

The answers are just the who, what, where when. I also think the answer is the why why do you do this all the time? Why are you going to bachelor parties all the time? Why are you going on golf trips to Nova Scotia? Like why I am in a relationship with you? Why are you constantly doing this? And why are you choosing them? I think you absolutely deserve that answer.

I've had, you know, I can equate this. I've had many exclusive relationships and I've had a few open relationships with which is kind of a new animal to me. What makes the open relationships work is telling me who you're going out with, where you're going, why you're doing, you know, in different things. Now, I'm not filling in the blanks.

I know, but none of those are good. There's no answer that's going to make me feel better in an open relationship. Actually, have you been in one? No? It does. I know. I think communication is very very important. It is, but the answers aren't going to make me feel better. You know, I'm going out with this guy. M that's not going to make me feel better. It's the same. It's getting the bad answer instead of what I'm wondering.

Are like, Yeah, but he's having basically an open relationship with his boys. Yeah, although it's not sexual, it's still a relationship.

Well, here's the qualifier on this. Oh, you said both of your last two boyfriends have done this. That's when I think you have to look in the mirror of like, what are you doing to drive these guys away every Friday night? Am I blaming the messenger?

Or she just has a pattern of dating playboys that want to play with their friends and not spend time with her.

Yeah, how old are these guys? And it shouldn't even be aged because a lot of times, you know, a guy could be fifty two, but he was married for twenty five years and now he wants his freedom, and a lot of times the guy's twenty five and he's just like, this is this is what I do. I've had that. I had a girlfriend once. I remember saying, this is all therapy for me to do this. I remember saying to her like, three days a week is plenty. That's the max. That's all your that's all I can

Learning from the age old book. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. You know, you've got to let them pull away and do their things so they can snap back. If they never have the opportunity to pull away, they can't snap back, and it just strengthens relationship actually in the end.

Yeah, And I think you if you're asking that you do deserve answers. MJ from Flavortown. But you also have to learn to not ask them in an accusatory way because maybe you are asking and maybe he's answering and the answer is insufficient for you, and you ask a follow up question that feels like he's doing something wrong when he's like, I'm really just going to a conference untiled, Ohio. You know that you got to look into that too.

You got to find the person that's the right fit that. If they like their alone time, you need to also be a person that likes your alone time. If you love copious amounts of time together, you need to find a person that is good with that and wants the same thing. You can't have a time digger and a loner in a successful relationship.

I don't think, well that's true. She's not even saying that she's asking for him to spend more time with you. She's saying she wants the answers because the answers are playing games in her. It's communication.

If he's just having to make up these, she's having to fill in the blanks. Oh yeah, right, and she needs the blanks filled in for her to make her feel better.

The next one is from Caroline, who sent this to be an Instagram. Are you asking what I want or what I deserve? I think the answers are the same money. I deserve money to be spent on me to do fun things. I do everything you want in a relationship. When I'm into you, and I mean everything. You can call it gifts or rewards are simply me being pampered. But that is absolutely what I deserve your money. You aren't paying me to be an amazing girlfriend. You are

But is twenties with somebody that can afford that lifestyle. Say, first of all, you got to make sure that is in place.

Well, I don't even know how expensive this lifestyle is so. I mean, I mean we could speak, could be like, I'm amazing, I just need ice cream. I mean I don't know from what I heard. Yeah, you interpret as this is expected, like what is your extiment? And on what this costs? At least five six grand a month? Okay, So she's like, if I'm an amazing girlfriend, I want sixty thousand dollars annual stipend as a reward for this. Not unreasonable, Lily, I don't think it's unreasonable. Of course

Right, And I wonder how long they've been together. That's another kind of factor that would play into it.

Now, we've had this discussion with you guys on the podcast before. I think that the the problem in the in the sugar world is that the technical term is that the legal term the sugar world compensating in the sugar bowl is that I think eventually what you're paying for is her to like you. Initially, initially, do you think initially you can't buy chemistry? Nope, Oh I thought initially you're paying for the time. However you want to interpret that, yeah, and then to give you an opportunity,

Yeah, well, you got a side which looking for Everybody is very unique, has different wants and needs. And so if you're looking for somebody to have chemistry with and somebody to accompany you to concerts and dinners and great nights out a lot of fun. At the end of the night, you go your way, I go mine. Yeah, I mean that's kind of a but who wants that?

Who wants that?

A lot of men want that.

Because they don't trust that she's gonna they don't trust her legitimate affection. They're like, if I do that, and I sort of put these emotional barriers up. At the end of the night, she goes her way, then I'm not gonna get hurt. Well, I think you wanted to come home.

The thing it does is it takes the pressure off of a relationship initially, and then as you spend more time together and you really start enjoying each other, that actually grows organically, and then the relationship can become very strong. Even though it was a bribe to get her to even go out with you in the first place.

Well, there was a did you guys watch Succession? No? You, Well, there's a there's a relationship in the show that is like this. It started out that way, and to her it was always that way and whatever. It's probably the most honest relationship in the show. For those of you who do watch, it's Connor and Willa, like they did find their happy medium into this, and it did sort of work out in a relationship because she was really

Yeah, I'm a testament to that theory.

Which is what keep the checks coming and all my know, my.

Current boyfriend started out as a sugar daddy and we fell in love.

And what an old fashioned love story. We it's actually very.

Into that.

I agree.

I adore him so what Acually he had to bribe me to go out with him? Uh huh, And the more I got to know him, he just grew up.

We all love him. I mean he does the money stop? Then? Umm?

No? But I mean in any relationship.

You're what is the conversation? Then? How does he trust the conversation? How does he trust? Like you're just like, listen, I actually like you now.

Oh it's obvious.

Yeah, her actions prove that there's no doubt about it.

So is there a moment? Is there a light bulb that's like, actually, oh my god, this is so weird. I think I have feelings for him? Yeah? Was there one?

Yes?

And how do you? What'd you say? I know this is hard to believe, but it's.

An interesting story. So he and I started dating back in March, and I was dating several gentlemen. I wasn't exclusive with anyone, and one of my Sugar Daddies took me to Europe for three weeks and I missed him.

I was like, so a primal emotion missing, that's a real thing.

I realized how much he had grown on me because I, you know, I was keeping my distance, I was protecting my heart. I was, you know, trying to make sure I held out for my person. And it took being away from him on a vacation, a wonderful vacation with someone else for me to realize, Damn, I really like this guy. Like he's Yeah.

I guess it's no different from two people who started out his friends and then realized they had something else going on. I guess that makes sense. He checked your boxes. There you go.

I think he's my person so far and.

What's really and I can afford the treatments.

Wednesday, it'll be seven months we've been dating.

And I went with them on really their first day. We double dated, and I I didn't see any chemistry or connection there, but he was such a nice guy. And then he started accompanying us in more and more events. We started doing things more together, and we all really grew to like this guy, like genuine love for this gentleman. But it all started out as I'm bribing you to go out with me.

I met him on a sugar sect.

Yeah, I see that too. I've told some of the dating sites the issue with the apps, here's some free advice, here's a billion dollar idea for you have people. The issue with the apps not working is that the women are not really giving ninety nine percent of the guys the fair shot. And I think if there was a way to compensate conversation or compensate reaction whatever, Like if I talked to this guy eight back and forth, I'm going to get a twenty dollars gift card or something

That's what forced me to look for some kind of a sugar daddy site or a compensated dating site, because I was getting nowhere. Yeah, because I'm battling sometimes seven to one, eight to one odds on Tender and Bumble. I'm just and I hear from the girls and they've actually showed me how many likes they have. And this one girl the other day showed me she has forty nine hundred on Bumble.

Yeah, how do I get through that noise? I know? And some girl, if you're attractive, like if you go on Billy, if you go on one of these sites, you're on Bumble, you know that every guy, as long as he sees he's probably going to swipe on you. That's a huge advantage you have, which means that the it's not as special to her because she's like, of course, everybody's going to match with me. To him, he feels a little more precious. He takes it more seriously. It's different.

Last one, I have an American Express card.

Of his unlimited, unlimited. Yeah, have you put that to the limit? Have you tested it? No, I just do whatever you want.

I'm a very practical and rational girl, but I do.

If you get gas, it goes on that.

Yeah, all right, pretty much everything goes on that. That actually does my hair. But I'm trying to look beautiful.

For him there and if he knows that this is for me, the nails are for me. I think we're all willing to pay. Okay, last one Cameron from Wilmington, North Carolina, which is very nice. Have you been there?

Wilmington's lovely to the state of North Carolina.

Okay, well tell you put it on the MX take a trip. You can blind it Raleigh and drive the girls trip. Okay, you know this is from Cameron. You know what. Guys deserve appreciation. All the things, all the things you say we should do for you, We do them. We want you to acknowledge them, say thank you, act like it matters, act like you notice and care. If you give me a list of things you want from me or want me to do, and I do them all, including hang out with your annoying cousin, that, I think

There's this great video on Instagram and YouTube and it's a boyfriend and the girl's unwrapping presence and she's got a whole bunch of boxes in front of her and as she unwraps that, she pulls out the paper and it says rent and he goes, there you go, I paid your rent for the entire year and the shows another box car payment and there you go. I paid

And he was so great. He doesn't pay attention to those she wants some other things.

He just felt like he wasn't getting the appreciation for all the things that he'd done for her all year long.

I'm telling you, you have to have an attitude of gratitude. Oh you do partner needs to know that you appreciate the big things and the little things.

Totally agree, and the routine things. So just because you're together, the fundamentals in a relationship, thank you, please, I'm sorry. These little words are what separates a working relationship from a non worker relationship. They're so vital. And if she's just like, well, you know, I appreciate you because I'm with you. No, it's not enough, and it doesn't mean he's needy that he needs please and thank you.

You got to say it.

You gotta say it because then it's not taken for granted. And he needs to say it too, And he needs to know. If he's in a position like having to point out everything he did for you all the time, including hanging out with you annoying cousin, he deserves some acknowledgment, whatever the word you want to use, but flat out thank you. This sucked for me. I did it anyway. He shouldn't have to say that. You should know it sucked for him and say you did it anyway? Right?

Well, and I'm the girl that I love to give compliments to my man. And it's funny because I'm thinking a lot of women aren't very complimentary because it always.

Express card is so big and heavy.

It makes them squirm. Though, Like I've been with with men who just like they don't know how to take a compliment.

Well, we don't get them. I always say, we think you think we're gross as guys. We just do.

Most guys are gross.

Most I agree with you on that too, But it's very very rare. No matter who you could be, George Clooney, you're probably not on a day to day basis getting a physical compliment or even the appreciation. You're getting it for strangers every time you leave the house, probably in some way. And some women are like, why are you so needy? Why do you need validation? Boys? You're so insecure or whatever. I don't know we are, so you deserve validation, I think so it'd be nice every now

Marcus, you're so handsome and intelligent.

Oh, you're going to talk to me about that raise again. He deserved the compet You deserve compensation. That works, all right. So you just said this is your first time on the show, so, which I find hard to believe, but I guess I've been on your show. So we play something called worst date or first date. So you have to give us either the absolute worst date you've ever been on or the greatest first date you've been on, your choice.

Oh, dear God, I've had so many awful dates. One of the worst ones was the time that I met a guy on an online sugar sight and we had never met in person, we had never talked, but we were just going to get together for a quick lunch. He was I call him the Ponderosa pine tree because he was massive in his one or two photos online, apparently they were only face photos. I had no idea this guy was ginormous. And I sit across from them at lunch and I'm like, whatever, it's fine, we'll have

Maybe he was nervous.

And even better, so I'm kind of a small eater. Well, he I said, do you want to share something? No, I don't want to share, Like okay, So we ordered two separate entrees. He finished his entire meal and I couldn't finish mine and was obvious I was done, and he was like, do you mind if I finish that for you? Yeah, And he finished my entire mill. It was just awkward.

How did it I would do that? Yeah, good, that's familiar. I think that's you. Are you offended by that?

I just thought it was a weird thing to do on a first date, on a first meet, angry to gobble down your mill, not be conversational.

I want to know how you.

Know.

He walked me out to my car and said we should do this again, and I said I don't think we should do this again. And that was the end of that.

Okay, you just told him right then and there did he ask if you want to see a dessert menu? Do you want to do that?

See?

I don't think that's even a bad date, And a lot of women would be like, that's not so bad. Give me that guy's number, the big fella. He can eat my food. It was you can finish my salmon.

It wasn't even so much the fact that he was portly, but the conversation with the conversation was awful.

Okay, not to defend. Is this a paid for a date? No, it is a real date. Well it was a first meeting.

It was, yeah, we were just meeting to do.

You may be nervous, I think he was, Well, that's is there a sweetness in that, or you're just like, fuck it, I don't have time for this. Well, she didn't have time for it.

I just if you, if you cannot have a conversation with me, I'm pretty easy to talk.

Well, there's two ways it can go on a date. Somebody shuts up because they're nervous, or somebody babbles on endlessly because they're nervous. Because once you get to know somebody rarely turns into that points for her nervousness. I think you didn't. I think if he was fitter, you would have put up with all of those things. You would have said, finished my sword.

I don't think so.

Not a terrible date. That all right? You can't buy chemistry. You can't buy chemistry. You can't unless you've got a really unlimited American Express card. All right, Tell everybody where they can find your podcast.

Secrets of a Sugar Daddy on all podcasts platforms.

As far as us. Please like, share, follow, and review this podcast and review Secrets of a Sugar Daddy. Your reviews still, after all this time, mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. Shoot us an email, Great Love Debate at gmail dot com. If you've got questions, thoughts, rebuttals, big American Express bills, or there's something that you feel you deserve. Maybe'll do part two of this because we did get a ton I kind of just put this out kind of half fast and didn't really think about it.

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