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The People, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, Great Love Debate.
It's a great loved bab Hi again.
Everywhere's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's number one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcast for the People. I am at the one in Miami Beach. Not quite a Will Smith video. Maybe not on Gloria Estafon video. It's more like a Cardi B video. We're on Collins Avenue. If you walk down Collins Avenue very Cardi B. Or maybe that's me anyway, somebody said to me the other day, you like to
ruffle feathers. You say things just to get a reaction. So let me start with the second part of that. Of course I say things to get a reaction. Everything I say, or you say, or any of us say, anytime we say it should get a reaction. So I don't care if it's you know, I'll have a grande iced Americano or I fucking hate you. Both should get some kind of reaction, whether that reaction is an actual action.
And somebody goes and gets you a grande ice Americano, or it's a feeling or a thought, or a movement or a smile or just flat out bewilderment, all of those. Because you said something to get a reaction.
That is the goal.
And if what you're saying gets no reaction, you aren't really saying anything. It's white noise. It's irrelevancy. So nobody wants to speak in irrelevancy. You say things to get a reaction, hopefully it's a proper one, but mostly you want an honest one. When you say something and somebody reacts in an honest way, that should be the goal of any conversation, no matter how benign the subject matter is. So let me get back to the first part of that.
So they said you like to ruffle feathers, and I'm like, oh, maybe, but it depends on how you define that. So commonly that term ruffling feathers, it meant that whatever you're saying or doing is said or done to annoy or to anger or to agitate or whatever. And there's a negative connotation that comes with ruffling feathers, and perhaps justifiably, so I don't know the etymology of that phrase. But somehow ruffling feathers is meant to be a bad thing. But that is why I don't think I really do it
or mean to do it. I always think and say I'm a bit of a provocateur, and a provocateur is somebody who causes or inspires some sort of reaction, shake things up. So the things that we bring up and talk about in this podcast, they're meant to get you to think about how you.
Do things and why you do things.
I had a disagreement with a therapist, of all people, my therapist of all people, about the importance of the word why. She's like, that's a bad word. But to me, the why is everything. Why did you do that? Why did you feel that? Why did you think that? Some people don't know why, and they don't care about why. I really care about why. Many people they're focused on the the.
Who, what, when, where?
How? I care mostly about the why.
And maybe that's me, but I told the therapist that without the why, I think nothing else matters when it comes to understanding, figuring it out, understanding how this happened. I don't think you understand how this happened until you figure out why this happened.
It all starts there.
She disagreed and charged me three hundred dollars. So such as life, so goes therapy. Anyway, Why do I bring all this up? Because when I say certain things, especially the certain things I am going to get into today, I am saying them to provoke you to hopefully change, to inspire a reaction that will lead to a difference, a positive one. If that ruffles your feathers, oh well, your feathers will be better for it. They will get
a brand new sine because of it. So I'm going to say it, and I'm going to explain it, and perhaps half of you will be bothered by it, good, but perhaps all of you will be inspired because of it. I've been doing this show a long time. The Great Love Debate has been going on. The live show has been going on since twenty fourteen, the podcast has been going on since twenty fifteen. So I have heard from
thousands and thousands of you, real people. Honestly, nobody on this planet has heard from more of you, live in person, out loud, on this very subject, this topic, than me.
It's not bragging, it.
Is what it is.
Check the record, check our tour history, check our attendance figures.
It's not an exaggeration.
It's just a fact.
We know this, and this matters the most to at least half of you, and that is guys, men, fellas dudes. Boys, I am begging you, and she is begging you. Grow some fucking balls, Jesus.
We start every.
One of our live shows, we're up to I don't know, four hundred and twenty seven live shows by now something like that. We start every one of our live shows by saying that over the last twenty years, the women have gotten a.
Little harder and the men have gotten a little softer.
That's probably an understatement on both sides, but on the guy's side, the men have gotten a lot softer passivity to the point of pussification. And I don't know if I made up that word or we just like that word, but that is what it is. It's gotten so bad that I no longer think it's an equal balance between
the women getting harder and the men getting softer. I used to think that the Rise of the Independent Woman, which is a whole other podcast that we have done whole other podcasts on, and the ladies ramping up this masculine energy has caused this flip, this getting out of sorts in the traditional gender roles, that's made the whole thing get a little out of whack. I'm not sure
that's the case anymore. I'm not sure it's this, this equal yin and yang on this because the guys, you have had more than enough time to adjust to this over the last twenty years, excuse me, and you aren't ingusting in any significant or meaningful way. You have absolutely no balls, seriously.
And they absolutely hate it.
The women hate it.
And some of you are like, wait, no, what huh don't don't you know you tell me not to act?
Then you know the nice guy? What? Blah blah blah.
We'll get to the nice guy in a moment. Actually, maybe we won't. Let's deal with it now. I can't say we will get to in a moment, because she won't get to it at all.
She wants a.
Good guy, not a nice guy, nice guy. She doesn't trust the nice guy. You tell her you're a nice guy, you believe you're a nice guy. She doesn't believe you're nice guy. She thinks the nice guy is someone who just high it's the bad guy. Until she's too close to realize what he is. The nice guy is a good guy with no balls. So be a good guy
if that's the framework you want to live in. So you guys might remember a year or so ago, we did an episode, you know, sort of semi related to this topic, and we said that there was a spectrum of men.
In America.
And accounting for attitude, behavior, machismo, ego. She'll read all the things she's looking at, and on this spectrum, at one down here at the number one, you had I don't know Ducky from Pretty in Pink. You guys seem pretty in pink.
I don't know Ducky, the wokest of the woke.
He's marching in the women's march. He's got the I'm with her bumper sticker on his car. So whatever offensive stereotypes that you want to think I'm talking about, well you know what I'm talking about. Okay, And let's say that guy is one on the scale, and the other end of the spectrum. At ten, you have an absolutely grunting, knuckle dragging caveman just shoving meat into his mouth.
Okay.
Almost every woman today in America, no matter what is going on, no matter where we are in the last twenty years.
No matter how many episodes of Sex in.
The City you watched her blah blah blah, almost every woman in twenty twenty three wants her man on that scale to fall somewhere around a seven and a half, a lot closer to the caveman than the duck man.
You know.
It's my pretty in pink reference to dated google it and I bring him up in that movie yep, because he was a total friend zoned wimp. He lost the girl to an even bigger wimp. Anyway, she wants that guy just north of us on the scale. So why is that and what is that and what do we do about all that? Well, we will get into that and much more right after this and we are back and we are getting our balls back.
Boys. I don't want to say guys.
Do you know that you're not supposed to say guys anymore, like hey, you guys collectively to men and women because it's considered offensive because we're fucking insane. In twenty twenty three. Anyway, we're back to getting our balls back. And I'm not saying that you can change your personality overnight, or that you even have to, but you can certainly change your attitude and forgive me. I don't want this episode to sound like one of these pickup artists classes. I hate
those and I hate those guys. We don't even let those guys do our show, not our live show, not our podcast, because so much of what they're saying is rooted in anger and reveal towards the women and getting back at the girls who never talked to them in high school. So those guys are the worst, and they are first in line of the guys with no balls. So I wasn't planning on doing this episode even alone. I wanted some women on here so they'd be like, yeah, what, But I don't think so. I think it has a
little more impact. If you're hearing to the guys from the guys and the lady, you can just kind of listen in and be like, yeah, fuck them, no ball guys. So if that's what it sounds like one of these PUA pick up parties, rants that's not the way I intend it and not the right way to interpret it. Everything I'm saying here came from the women. We have heard them, and we are heeding them, and I'm simply the conduit here I'm relaying their words and wishes and
what they want you to do. I've heard from all of them, guys. This is what I'm the messenger here. I'm Paul Revere delivering the message that they want you to grow your balls back. Except for these words. I'm gonna give you these words because these are mine, and I look this up. I wrote this many years ago, and I stand by it. And I have run this philosophy by a lot of women, and they generally say, Yep,
that's it, that's what we want. That's takes balls, and that takes hearing her and seeing her and understanding her. And I am no perfect guy when it comes to all of this stuff, but at least I think I understand what she wants. And here's what you need to do, and here's what you need to do. In my words, you need to stand in front of her when she needs you to protect. You need to stand beside her
when she needs you to love. And you need to stand behind her when she needs you to believe, stand in front of her when she needs you to protect, stand beside her when she needs you to love, stand behind her when she.
Needs you to believe.
All three of those things.
They take balls.
It's the character to listen, it is the confidence to trust and the courage to defend, and those things take time. You have to have an environment created in the relationship where those attributes can flourish. Before that and before them, this is where her words come in. This is what she wants from you. This is what she cares for
you to do. And if you're the one or two or the small percentage of out there saying I don't want that, perhaps this epid node is not an episode is not for you, and perhaps my words today or not for you. I think the odds are not forever going to be in your favor. So one, guys, boys, dudes, she wants you to ask her out.
She does.
She wants you to follow up. She wants you to reach out. She wants you to do it. You say, she wants you to call her and text her and fucking try. The ones who don't want you to and you'll know that soon enough if they don't want you, you don't want her. But the one you want, the ones who want you to step up and show some game and show some willingness to put yourself out there
and take a risk and show some enthusiasm. I think all of us, guys, we are very, very lucky to even have an opportunity to ask her out and have the possibility that she says yes. Fortune has smiled upon us every time that happens right there, and then I can't believe any of them would ever talk to us. They're probably fine without us. This love business that we always talk about on here, it is all about opportunities,
and it's all about possibilities. So when your chance presents itself, either use it or somebody else will, and that somebody will be somebody with balls. Number two, she wants you to compliment her. I don't care about all the noise about She doesn't want that. She absolutely fucking wants that. Don't be a jackass, don't be a pervert, but be bold. I don't care how good she looks or how good she thinks she looks. She wants to know that she
looks good to you too. So don't you say you're hot, don't you say you're real pretty, don't you say beautiful. You got to use some imagination that shows that you thought about it for more than one second to show that it got beyond your quick glimpse and that vortex just shut off. It shows that you sort of assessed her in a moment and you thought she is stunning, or she looks gorgeous, or she is exquisite, something like that.
She is a goddamn fox. Get creative, pay attention. And if you don't have the right and unique words or big vocabulary, or don't know exactly what to say, go buy a thesaurus. All of life's answers are in the dictionary and the thesaurus. You want to know the two books that will change your life, those are the two books. Ballsy Guys, Are bold, guys, Be bold, tell her what you think. Third one that the ladies want. You don't
chose some balls. Hold the goddamn door. Hold it to the building when she comes in, hold it to the car when she gets in. She wants you to hold the door. And I know we've talked about these small, small handful of women out there who don't want that or don't appreciate that, and they're like, I'm not weak. You don't need to hold the door for me. You don't want them. And if you're one of those women, girls who are one of those, we don't want you,
and you shouldn't. Guys appreciate them, don't tailor your whole approach to what you do to the occasional outlier who doesn't like what you do. You have to go for the majority, and the overwhelming majority want you to step up and just do it. Hold the door, hold her bag, hold her hand. She likes all of it because all of it shows some balls, and you know what she wants you to do. She wants you to pay money for the food. We've spoken of this, about this to
death around here. If I went back and listened to some of our first sort of one hundred shows, a lot of it would be about this. Because for a long time there was some weird debate about this. We shut the debate down. Let me say this again. She absolutely wants you to pay if she offers and gives you that half hearted reach. First of all, she doesn't want you to accept her on that reach. But if she does, it means one of three things, and none of them are good. It means she doesn't think this
is a date. It means she doesn't want to do this again, not with you, And it means she doesn't want to owe you anything. So I don't care. Occasionally somebody's like, no, well, whoever asked somebody out or whatever? No, no, no, no, do not under any circumstances early on in the relationship, let her pay, wait around for her to say thank you. If she doesn't say thank you, then you have your answer. So if you are like, oh, where are my balls or where do I find them?
Sometimes they're located in.
Your wallet, dig it out, get them out. It will help, and it will show her something. And finally, and I can probably go on this about all day. I'll limit to half dozen or five or six. Here my many eunuchs of America who are listening to this show. You know it's showing some balls means it means taking the hint. It means when she says goodbye or I'm done.
It means goodbye and she's done.
No means no. No, thank you means no thank you. Not interested means not interested. Don't call me means don't call me. And you're probably like, well, why does it take balls to get rejected? And I'm like, it takes balls to take rejection and to be confident enough that this is not the end of the world and she is not the end of your world. It means some other opportunity or possibility is still ahead for me, you,
the guys, and the experience that experience. It will embolden you, and being emboldened will ramp up some of that masculine energy that you've lost. You got to embrace it, and you got to enjoy it, and you got to move along and.
Go forward from it.
So despite the commercials you might see with Frank Thomas and Doug Flutie and all those guys, you don't need to take pills or supplements to get your balls back.
I think you just need to step up.
And if somebody is offended by you being a man, or me saying be a man, oh well, fucking man, man up and whatever phrase you want to use that a fraction of you might find offensive. At twenty twenty three, we aren't here to offend, we aren't here to ruffle feathers. We are here to inspire.
Guys.
I'm gonna say it on behalf of the ladies who have said it to me over and over and.
Over, get your balls back.
And because some of you have told me get your balls back and get out there on stage on the road, we have gotten ours back, and we are heading back out as our tenth season of The Great Love Debate World Tour Live continues. We have upcoming shows in New York, Raleigh, North Carolina, Tempe, Arizona. I know we're doing another one in book Raton, Florida. Not a whole lot, but I've got some level of ballsiness that makes me want to do it some more. So go to Great Lovedebate dot com.
Tickets on sale for those, shoot us an email Great Loovedebate at gmail dot com. Any of any of this inspires or offend you, please like, share, follow, and review this podcast to this day, you're eight.
Nine ten whatever we're in here. Your reviews mean a lot in.
The podcasting ecosystem because, as always at The Great Love Debate, we never stop making love.
See you next time.
The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.
It's a Great Love Debate.