Hi everyone, Welcome back to another podcast episode. My name is Alicia Gogan, the host civil Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand your mind and become more self aware so that you can blow up into the best vision of yourself. Hi, guys, another week. I was gonna say, another day, another dollar, another episode where my hair is out. I'm on a roll. You know what. I realized my hair has been growing.
Okay, it's a little bit of a mess right now. I know you can't you know you can't see if you're on audio, but just know my hair is all the way out. Okay. So last week we talked about jealousy and I talked about comparison as well. If you have not listened to that episode, then definitely go back and listen to it. You guys really enjoyed that episode of how not to be so jealous of other people.
I'll give you a lot of tips. But there is another side of this jealousy conversation in comparison conversation, and I think that has to do with judging yourself and judging others. So I want to talk about that. I want to talk about how to stop judging yourself and others. How to stop criticizing yourself and others. But I think it's so important before you try and change something, you need to understand why you do it in the first place.
So let's talk about it. Let's talk about why you judge and criticize yourself and others. So where shall we start. Let's start when you were a little baby. Okay, you came in this earth, on this planet Earth,
so beautiful, so amazing, so flawless. And then you get socialized and when you go into let's say a school environment, a work environment, and you were raised by certain parents, whatever, people have different ideas of how you should look, how you should be, and how you should act depending on the environment that you live in, where you are raised, religious things, people's preferences, depending on if your parents were telling you how to
act, be and live or not. Like so many things, create your own essentially your own identity. Now, obviously we need some societ idle influence and we need parental influence in our lives. We need our parents to tell us right from wrong. We need the school system to teach us ways of learning, things and jobs to get and how to act and be around other
kids. And it's also very inevitable that there's just going to be certain fashion trends, or there's going to be a certain preference for people and how they look, or the beauty standards or whatever. And although that's gonna be very problematic, it's just a thing that happens in life, okay. But the problem is that we are all susceptible to not fitting into a certain mold or a certain beauty standard, or a certain way that people want us to be.
And that's where we get into hot water. So I'm going to give you an example of my own situation. You guys have probably heard this a million times, but we're gonna just use it anyways. So my dad was very strict, and he didn't really tolerate me expressing my emotions, crying, complaining, even though I never really complained, but any form of emotions, essentially because he didn't know how to handle them. He didn't know how to
deal with a child who might be crying because she's afraid. He didn't know how to tell me the right things in the right moments, so he would just tell me, essentially to not make a fuss or not complain, or not speak up or not say what I actually feel, so that essentially he didn't have to deal with me. So ideally, in a response to somebody not being able to handle your emotions or not liking something about you, what would we do? Okay, well, screw you. I have the right
to cry. I have the right to speak up for my own worth. You know, I have the right to express myself through dance or like this outfit or that outfit, and you know, doesn't really matter too much about what you say, like obviously it depends, right, But obviously we know that that's like something that we should have a response to if somebody is maybe telling us to be someone that we are not. But the problem is we don't have this type of thinking when we're very young. When we're very young,
we are pendant on our caregivers. We also are built for connection and to survive essentially, so we're going to do anything that we need to do as children to learn how to adapt and to be a part of the pack and to be liked and to be loved and to be safe. So I learned that if I express my emotions and if I do all the things that I've been taught that my dad doesn't like me to do that is going to result in a consequence that I don't want. It's gonna get him to be
yelling at me. I'm gonna be afraid. I'm gonna be scared. I don't want to be scared. So I'm going to do the best that I can to not express my emotions. So this is what happens. I'm a human being and I have natural emotions. Okay, Well, because I have learned that emotions are deemed bad, I'm going to do my best to suppress my natural emotions that I obviously I didn't know at the moment or the time when I was young, are going to just come up, because that's life.
If you're a child, you don't understand life. Sometimes things are scary. You're afraid. Like, no matter what age you have emotions, you can't get rid of them. But I was taught that if you release these emotions, or if you show your emotions, there's going to be a consequence.
And because I relied on my father to keep me safe and to feed me and to take care of me and to show up for me, of course I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure that I can maintain closeness with him, even if I was actually afraid of him, right, even if I didn't like him, let's say, which I always there's a part of me who absolutely knew that my dad loved me, and I just would love him even though he just couldn't really fully show it. Whatever.
That's another story for another day. But I learned to not essentially be my most authentic self. And so anytime that I would be afraid or I would feel emotions, especially when I was around him, but even in general out in life. Now I've learned, oh, emotions must be bad in all aspects, or it's very cringey to cry or like say how you feel, because this is the reaction that I would get when I'm at home. So that's what I learned. And so I did my absolute best to suppress any
emotions that were coming up as a result of anything in my life. And I would essentially put these emotions into my shadow self. And you might think, Okay, what's the issue with, you know, maybe not being so emotional and just kind of ignoring it and whatever. Well two things, and one of them I basically just said, and you know, you can't get away from emotions and releasing emotions is very important. You guys know you listen to the podcast all the time. There's days are going to be sad,
there's days that you're going to be afraid. There's days that you need to cry. There's days that you just are angry and frustrated, and you need to let these emotions out. You can't just suppress them. The emotions don't
go anywhere. You just think they go somewhere. So that's on one hand, you're just gonna have pent up emotions to the point where maybe now you're lashing out insanely in your adulthood life because you never learned how to express anger and a health way, or you're so distraught by somebody who broke up with you and you don't know how to emotionally regulate yourself because you never learned how to do that when you're a child, because you never learned that it was
okay to be sad and you're allowed to cry and it doesn't mean that needs to be the end of the world. And also you're going to be okay after you're done crying, Like those are very important things that you need to learn how to do. And if you don't do that, then that you
know, you kind of blow over in your adulthood life. But also another thing, and this pertains to other people, is when you are uncomfortable with your own emotions, let's say, or whatever that you put into your shadow, you also are going to be uncomfortable around other people that might actually express the shadow parts of you that you don't express, which is also an issue because then that affects the way that you're able to connect deeply to people.
Right, So it's either okay, you don't have the emotional capacity to handle people who are crying, like or your best friend who's crying, or let's say your friend who's angry or whatever, like you just you don't want to handle it, and you don't want to handle it. So you're just like,
no, I don't want to deal with that. I'm not saying that you have to deal with your friends who are dealing with emotional things, but I'm just saying, like, you're uncomfortable around it, you don't know how to handle it, like whatever, or you might judge them for being sad or being angry because you've never let yourself be like that, and so now you're like, oh, like no, that's not right, I don't like that, Like, you shouldn't be like that, because you have learned that
if you were like that, then it's wrong, then it's bad. But also in general, let's say bring it back to the human connection and the relational connection. If you don't know how to allow yourself to feel happy, sad, angry, afraid, whatever, you're not going to be able to connect deeply with other people. Because in order for you to have a connection
with other people, you need to have those emotions. And I'm not saying you have to be angry, right, or you have to be super sad in order to like have a relationship with people, but like you're human being, you need to be your whole, authentic self. And when you have parts of you that you don't accept and you've been rejecting and you've been denying in your life, it's gonna be hard for you to deeply connect with other people. And on top of that, again, you might even now judge
other people. So this is what happens when we judge ourselves and we judge other people. We have parts of us that we have learned to reject, to deny, to disown, to hate, to feel uncomfortable around and now we are awkward. We don't like ourselves, and we also might not like other people. But the problem with that is we can't fully get away from
our shadows. And this is what I mean, Like, yes, you can do your best to not be somebody who's emotional, but eventually you're gonna get triggered and you're gonna have to cry some days, or you know what, at the end of the day, you probably are not going to have. Let's say you learned in high school is that the favorable body type is
a body type that doesn't look like yours. And maybe you have more fat on yourself, or you have more thought on your legs, or your body just simply doesn't look like the body type that you learned was desirable in high school. And so now you hate your body. And on top of that, when you go out, you're very judgmental and nitpick and actually criticize people who resemble your body type. You can't even almost look at it because you
can't even look at yourself because you don't accept yourself. And so essentially we go through all of life picking up ways that we should be or we shouldn't be, or how we should look or how we shouldn't or how we should dress, how we should speak, what we should do for our careers, everything right, and we try our best to live up to the standard that
we see around us. But it's so it's inevitable that you're going to not be pitch are perfect and fit the actual mold of every single thing that you've ever learned that's supposed to be like positive and good. And that's when you get into this day of self hate and rejection, and that's when you start
judging yourself, and that's when you start judging other people. So when you find that you're judging something about yourself, let's say your physical appearance, maybe the way that you present yourself, or the way that you speak, or how you show up in relationships, or maybe something to do with your career or your education, it's so important for you to see how you have most likely been taught somewhere in your childhood or in your life that you not having
a certain body type or you not having a certain level of education has been taught to you that it's a negative thing. And who taught you this thing? And why did they tell you this thing? And this is the thing when it comes specially to body types or success in life. Everyone has their own preferences, right, and even thinking about the parts of you that you don't like or you don't love about yourself, there is a reason why you
don't like these parts of yourself. And you can say, well, yeah, the reason I don't like my body is because I'm not thin and I'm overweight, okay, But there are people in somewhere in your life that obviously told you that that wasn't okay, or you should feel ashamed about yourself because you look like that. But also maybe you never had somebody who specifically shamed you for your body, but you've seen other people get picked on for having
that body type and you have the exact same one. So now you realize, oh, well, I must not have the best body, so I need to feel a crap about myself as well, and I need to change myself. And until I change myself, only then will I be lovable, or only then will I be liked. And the problem with this is when we start to change ourselves for external validation, when we start to change yourself out of a place of self hate versus changing If let's say we want to
talk about losing weight. You can lose weight, and it's great if you want to lose weight and you want to get healthy, but the losing weight in the getting healthy, you should one you should understand why you got to that place in the first place, and two wanting to do it for yourself and realizing that you still are absolutely lovable the way that you are, but
that you're not just changing yourself just so other people can like you. But what we do is we learn, Okay, I'm bad, I'm wrong for being like this, so let me change and morph myself so that other people can like me. But the problem with doing that is you're never going to be likable to everyone all the time because it's simply it can't be done. There's so many people who have certain preferences. They want you to be one way, and then then the next friend or the next person wants you to
do whatever they would like to do. Like you have to live for yourself and you have to be your own authentic version of yourself, and whoever likes you for you will stay and whoever it doesn't like you will go right. But we try and morph and change ourselves into something that is not even us, and we don't even do it for ourselves. And on top of that,
we criticize and judge ourselves no matter how much we even change. When we are constantly changing for other people, the judgment never ends, and judgment never freaking ends. So again, asking yourself, what are parts of me? Personality wise, appearance wise, whatever it is? What parts of me do I reject, deny, disown and why do I do that? Who might have taught me that? Now? I want to quickly talk about my Inner Child Discovery journal guide. This journal guide has a lot of shadow work
prompts. So if you are interested and you don't really know how to get to the root of some of your deepest insecurities and where they came from, and how to learn how to have a better relationship with yourself and accept yourself and love yourself, I would highly suggest you go get that Joeneral Guide.
I will have it linked in the show notes and the YouTube description. So many of you guys, lately, I've been posting about my journal guides, which thank you so much for purchasing, thank you so much for going through them. So many of you have really enjoyed them, and I think that that specifically I needed to say that because that journal guide literally brings you to the process of shadow work and working on your insecurities if you really struggle with
that. Now. One thing to note also about shadow work and your shadow self is sometimes you put things into your shadow that are actually great qualities about yourself. So let's say you love to dance when you were younger, and then somebody commented on the fact that you are weird because you dance or you sing, or you have this like weird obsession about I don't know, like collecting cards or collecting little coins or something, and people just always made fun
of you. Okay, well, now you're going to learn that this is not a likable trait and that this trait doesn't really get you anywhere. Right this again, you liking something or you being a certain way is not allowing you to essentially survive, because our goal is to be a part of the pact, right naturally when we're young. So you're going to learn, Okay, well, maybe I'll just stop dancing so much. Then maybe I'll just you know, not talk about my obsession with cards or whatever. But then
you go through life and you're deeply unhappy. Why because you're not doing what you actually came here to do, which maybe you are supposed to be a dancer, or maybe you do have a passion for collecting cards or coins or something like that, and you know you're now following a career path or some sort of passion that everyone else told you to do. But you're wondering why you're so feeling like you're so empty because you're not actually doing what you are
meant to do in your life. And bringing it back to the journal guide, I ask a lot of questions about, like, what are some of the things that you really love to do when you were a child, and how can you start to reincorporate some of these activities or behaviors or things in your life, Because realistically, the best thing that you can do for yourself
is to allow yourself to be who you authentically are. And even when it comes to being shamed for things that are so normal, let's say emotions, you need to eventually at some point learn how to express your emotions right,
like it's a normal, healthy thing to do. And even with some of the parts of you, let's say dancing, Okay, well, maybe you're not going to be this dancer in your adult life, but just to not feel so much shame around it or embarrassment can allow you to be confident when you go out and maybe there is music and people are trying to dance, and like you're around, but you're so incredibly awkward when really you used to
not be so awkward. This is not for you to now just be this performer, but you know, just to allow you to be embodied in general, Like when we show up very awkward and closed off and scared and we don't know how to say what we feel, is because because we never learned how to allow these parts of us that are normal to come out and to flourish. We've been shamed for having emotions or we've been made fun of for being our authentic self. So now we go out into public and we just
we can't be our authentic self. But it's coming across as like weird energy, right, like people can't connect to us. We know we're not connecting to other people, but it's because we have so many parts of us that we have rejected and we're disgusted by and we don't love anymore, and we keep pushing it down. And then on top of that, what happens is we start to other people and we start to criticize others as well as ourselves. Now, another thing that I want to talk about when it comes to
judging yourself and others is the scarcity mindset. I do think sometimes when we are judging other people, Maybe it isn't the fact that we have something in our shadow, but it's this when you judge somebody else. And let's say you're like trying to bring somebody down, maybe even in your head. You're not actually saying this out loud, but you're saying it in your head.
That makes you feel better about yourself. And even let's say you try and discredit somebody's success, Well, if you discredit somebody's success, then that obviously makes you feel like you actually have room to grow and like you're going to be successful and they're not. But this is all from a place of scarcity.
If you had the abundance mindset of understanding that this person can be successful and so can I, or this person can be beautiful and so can I, and we can both get what we want in our lives, there wouldn't need to be any judging to bring this person down to make you feel better about yourself. So you know, you having low self esteem and you not maybe even showing up properly in your life and not having that abundance mindset can affect you. And if that's a case, and if you haven't listened to
the last week's episode, definitely go listen to that episode. But let's talk back about how you can stop judging yourself and judging others. So I've already kind of talked about it shadow work. You need to learn how to reinterrate some of the parts of you that you have disowned and rejected and denied, especially the ones where you are constantly criticizing yourself about or others about. So
let's say it's your body you need to learn how to be okay. And I don't mean that you cannot change things in your life, but you need to stop having such an adverse reaction to your own body and yourself and even others who might have that same body type. By one learning Okay, why do I hate my body so much? And is this even needed to hate my body this much? Do I need to be this perfect with how my body is going to look? And where have these influences come from? And
also learning how to accept your body for what it is. And I think the thing that helps with accepting yourself is learning how to be grateful for the things that you do have. And so maybe you don't love every part of your body, but there are specific parts of your body that you really like or you love, or there's different aspects of yourself that you really like and you love. It's so important that you start to focus on the positive instead
of all this negative like judging and criticizing others and yourself. You're just in this energy of negativity. So doing gratitude lists can be definitely, definitely helpful and having positive affirmations about yourself whatever parts of you that you've learned to hate.
Also when it comes to judging other people as well, when you start to realize that you are nitpicking or judging someone, try and see how maybe whatever they are showing you is actually just a reflection of your shadow that you have not integrated in your life. Most likely, if you start to go out and you realize that you're judging people, there's a connection. Always,
there's always they have something that you don't accept within yourself. And this might even be a trait, And this is what I'm gonna give you another example.
You might be around somebody who's like really optimistic and really enthusiastic. Right at school, there's this girl, she's just like always happy and so enthusiastic, whatever, and you keep telling yourself, I don't know, there's something about her, I just don't like, like she hasn't done anything, Like she's a good person, but she's just like I don't know, I just
don't like being around her. Or like in your head, you're just like so annoyed and you just don't really know why, but you're just so irritated. Well, you know what, most likely you have not been able to be First of all, obviously we know most likely you're just not happy within your own life, like we can kind of we kind of know that a lot of us do. But maybe she's able to express herself and her happiness and her feelings or her thoughts or her amazing talents the way that you never
were allowed to. Or maybe when you see people who get to live this extravagant lifestyle or a lifestyle full of freedom and fun, and it doesn't seem like they have any responsibility and you just are so angry and you just keep
like talking shit about them all the time. It's most likely because you haven't been able to have the opportunity to be able to live that life, because maybe you grew up in an environment where you had to be really responsible at a young age, and so now you almost resent and you're like envious and you're jealous of other people because they get to live a life that you are
realizing that you don't. And the reason why this is important to see is so that you, for one, stop being so mad at the world and criticizing other people and getting into this negative mindset, but also just to look at yourself and be like, oh my god, no wonder I'm feeling this way. No wonder I'm feeling so awkward or judging myself or others, or I'm feeling really resentful or angry because I haven't been able to do this.
Okay, So how can I now reintegrate certain parts of me or live a life that is more reflection of what I see out there versus just living in this crappy situation. And now you might be like, well, I don't have things handed to me, so how am I going to do? Like, how am I going to live a life of freedom or whatever. Okay, listen, what can you do in your day to make your life better
than it was yesterday? And you can sit all day and complain and be sad that everyone else has a better life than you, But how is that getting you anywhere? And at the end of the day, we all have issues, and we all have struggles, and so yes, it might suck that you see other people like living this great life or this girl host amazing beauty and amazing body and amazing everything, and I have nothing. Okay, Well, you being in the victim mentality is not going to get you anywhere.
Listen. You can cry about it if you want, for sure, go ahead, But at some point you need to understand that if you want to actually have a great life, which you can have, but you need to have that belief, then it's going to be up to you to do some mindset work, to do some positive reinforcement, to focus on the positive things instead of the negative. And now again last week's episode, jealousy,
you can really really help with this. And now something that I found was really really helpful on the times that I realized I was really judging other people in my head consciously, I would never actually say things out lot to people, never went to that level of bringing people down because I was very aware that the reason why I was ever judging other people or criticizing was because there
was parts of me that I didn't accept. But in those moments, one, like I've already said, I would recognize, Okay, there's something within me that I'm actually not accepting when I see other people and I'm judging them for something, and that doesn't mean that I have the same trait as them or the same body as them, But maybe I picked up from other people that it's bad to look like that or bad to think like that, or
I was actually never able to ever live my life like that. So now I'm actually just trying to shame them so that I can feel better about not actually living my full authentic life. Whatever it is being aware of that and getting to that root. But in the moment witnessing when I am having those negative thoughts, to try and pick something that's positive about that person in the
moment. So let's say I am judging their body and I'm like, oh, like she doesn't have, you know, I don't know, like a nice body or something I don't do this, but like a nice Well maybe I did this when I was younger. For sure, I definitely did. I was always hyper focused on other people's bodies because I was hyper focus on
my own. And then when I stopped being hyper focused on my body, I didn't care about being hyper focused on other people's bodies Anyways, if you're thinking like, oh, she doesn't fit well in those genes or something, Okay, once you recognize that you've had that thought and you realize, oh, that's just me my shadow self right now, like I need to probably do some shadow work, that's fine, like whatever, Like we can be
loving with ourselves, not to accept the fact that we're being mean. Don't be mean to people, please, don't be freaking mean to people, but to try and focus on something that's positive about them. So maybe they have really nice hair, or let's say at the gym. Okay, I used to do this like way too much. Then, I'd like to admit, and I was doing this because honestly, because I was a personal trainer and
so I know really good form. And so when I sometimes would go into the gym, I would see girls who were doing like the worst form ever, and I would just be like, oh my god, this girl is not doing it. Dada da da, And again like it's kind of like a harmless thing, right, because it's like whatever, I mean, I'm recognizing that this girl is not doing good form, but I even started to
witness that I shouldn't even be doing that. At the end of the day, this girl has decided to come to the gym, okay, and it's hard to get into the gym, and maybe she's a beginner or maybe she doesn't know what she's doing or whatever. She's trying. At least she's trying. And as soon as I think like that, I stopped thinking about the fact that she's doing bad form. It doesn't matter, right, Like it's
gonna be her past, she's gonna figure it out whatever. So just becoming aware of the thoughts that you're thinking and try and change to a negative to a positive. When you start to recognize yourself criticizing or judging, but also
doing it to yourself. So let's say you've made a mistake in your life, or maybe you're getting a breakout, or maybe you didn't do good on a test, okay, and recognize that maybe we messed up a little bit whatever, But being loving with ourselves and being like, Okay, it's not the end of the world that have a breakout. I'm going to do better next time on the test. It doesn't mean that I'm stupid. It doesn't
mean that I'm dumb. It doesn't mean that I shouldn't keep trying because I made Just because I made a mistake in life doesn't mean that I'm a bad person. This is life. We make mistakes. Like you have to start being nicer to yourself and stop with this perfectionist mindset. At the end of
the day, we're not even perfect anyways. And now, one thing I want to quickly talk about is some people really struggle with doing shadow work and integrating certain parts of them that they have hated on all their lives because they're like, well, why would I want to accept the fact that I'm not at a healthy weight, Or why would I want to accept my skin for what it is when it's not clear, or the fact that I failed in all of these areas of my life, Like why would I want to accept
that? Because if you want to evolve and change, it's going to be so much easier and more sustainable and more consistent when you start to change out of a place of self love instead of a place of self hate. And this is what I mean. When you hate yourself because you're not where you're at with your body, goals, your skin, your career or whatever, you will be very, very harsh on yourself. You will go all or
nothing. You will tell yourself you need to go six days a week at the gym and if you miss one, then you're going back on a diet. And you need to be restrictive, and you no balance and cutting you off of all the bad things, and you go so hard and then what happens. You fail because it's insane and you can't you can't commit to doing
all of that hard. It's too much. And the truth is when you love yourself genuinely, when you love yourself and you want to take care of yourself and you want to nourish yourself, it's not from a place of hating yourself. And oh my god, I have to drink more water and i have to eat healthy because I've been so bad and I'm not going to be lovable until I eat better food and to change my body so that I can
be accepted in society. Like when you are operating from that place, things don't last, fad diets on and off, cycling diets, binge, eating, unhealthy relationships with men, and whatever it is, because you are in this place of self hate. I extensively talk about this in my book. By the way, my book is going to be released in January. I'm not going to say that date yet, just in case it doesn't get released
on that specific date where I don't specifically know yet. But anyways, I say that because people get tied up with this loving myself and accepting myself, but I still want to change, and I don't like my body, and I want to be healthy, and I need to do healthy habits. Yes, you can do both. You can love yourself, and I actually invite you to love and honor and accept and be okay with your imperfections of your
body and your life. But at the same time want better for yourself and want more for yourself, but not want more for yourself and better for yourself out of place of punishment and out of place of only doing that so that
other people can like you or accept you. We want to live in this energy of accepting ourselves, understanding that we have flaws, understanding that there's things that we can work on, but also understanding that we're still lovable the way that we are, and quite frankly, we're just never going to be perfect and that is okay, and we don't have to be We don't need to fit into everyone's box. We are the one that are telling ourselves that.
Now this is based off of the influences around us and what we've been taught in society, and we need to deconstruct that. But we don't just stop at this self love journey and acceptance and never change. What you will really see when you actually do inner child healing shadow work, really inner child healing and shadow work at the same thing, essentially deep healing work and really allowing yourself to just be yourself for once, you will start to realize that you
actually want to do better for yourself. You want to take care of yourself more, you know, like when I look at myself, like I have this inner child who at one point thought that she was not worthy of love or her natural hair wasn't good enough the way that it is, and she had to change it until she burnt it off and literally like she had no other choice but to change something about her life, like I just I want
to help her. I want to nourish her hair now, I want to feed her with amazing whole foods and cook for herself and get into healthier relationships and tell her that she's okay in the moments that she's feeling afraid, and letting her cry when she needs to cry because she feels sad about something in her life. Like, I want that for her because I love her. But it's really hard to love yourself when you have all of these parts of your shadow that you refuse to accept or even look at, or you're so
ashamed of. And I think that we can all just understand that when somebody is judging us or somebody's judging other people, you guys are smart enough to
know this. And the people who are judging other people, it's really deep down because they're unhappy with something about themselves and it makes them feel better to just put somebody down so that they can feel higher, or you know, so that they don't have to work as hard, or they don't have to see all the ways in which that they're falling short, or the realization that
they don't look exactly like this person. Now, what does that mean if I don't look like this person that I've been taught that I have to look like in order to be loved. So I encourage you when you find that you are judging yourself, criticizing yourself for the way that you look your personality traits all of your beautiful flaws, that you ask yourself, why am I judging myself and criticizing myself right now? Where did I learn this from?
Does this have to be my truth? Is this the full truth of me? Am I really not lovable because I look like this? Or I made a mistake? Or I X, Y and Z. And what are some things that I can tell myself in this moment to make myself feel better about being authentically me? And being authentically me means sometimes I'm making a mistake.
How can I speak loving words into myself and into my inner child so that if I do want to change, or if I do want to allow more of the shadow self to come out, that I do it from a place of love, not from a place of hate. But the main thing I want you to understand is the reason why you have certain aspects of yourself thrown into your shadow is because you were trying to survive in your life, and
actually, how smart is that that you did that? And I think that it's important for you to understand that because when you catch yourself hating yourself or criticizing, putting yourself down, or just being in this negative mindset, just
understand that it's just a form of you trying to keep yourself safe. Right when you start to judge yourself because you're crying or you're feeling some sort of emotion, or you're feeling awkward because you're trying to dance, but you just you keep judging yourself, understand that it's just your little inner child trying to
keep you safe. The way that she learned to keep herself safe by not expressing emotions or not being her full authentic self around other people, because she was taught if she was her full authentic self, she wouldn't be liked. And if she's not liked, she's not connected. And if she's not connected, she's essentially not surviving. Okay, So it's deep. It's definitely deep.
It's definitely a process. I think as you get older in life and you stop caring so much about what other people think, it really does help you allow yourself to just you know, let your shadow out more. There's definitely different aspects of your shadow that you know might need more work on, especially when we're talking about emotions like anger or sadness that might be needed to be processed with a therapist or even on your own. But it might just
be something that you do, you know, as a journal practice. But whatever it is that you do, try and pick one part of yourself that you have really been rejecting and denying and really dive deep into the why and how can you, in your day to day life start to give yourself a little bit of that room to flourish, a little bit of that room to be messy, a little bit of that room to just be okay with the fact that, yeah, I think that this is a little bit awkward because
I've learned that it's awkward. But I'm going to just try and let myself be myself right now and see where it gets me. And what happens is you end up being okay more with yourself and the little aspects of yourself that you once hated and now it becomes your fall authentic self or you know, when you're witnessing yourself judging other people in that moment, reminding yourself of something
that's positive, like I was saying the gym example. Now again, if you need a general guide that is perfect for this, then I encourage you to go get my Inner Child Discovery Journal PROMP guide and it's digital or you can print it and write it, or you can just write in your journal
and look at it on your computer you open it. Also, I do have some resources in there, like book recommendations and YouTube and podcast recommendations to help you further with discovering more of your inner child and healing and self love. And I also have one other episode that's very helpful, I think, and I don't remember the title. I don't know if this is the title or it's the thumbnail, but I'll have it linked down below, and it's
all about what would somebody who loves themselves do? And I dive more deeper into what it really means to love yourself and conditional love versus unconditional love. So definitely go check that out. Don't forget. I have off topic episodes every Monday now And yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed, and I'll see you the next one. By