206. your toxic self improvement is creeping up again..

are well. I'm so happy that we are here once again on a Sunday. Well, some of you guys are not listening to us Sunday, but some of you guys are religious in my episodes, and I love that. I love you guys. I love to see your comments. I love that we are here working on ourselves and we're doing it together. Now we need to talk about not being so hard on ourselves.

I really wanted to go to. I had had it in my calendar for a while and I wanted to go to it. Now as an influencer, I don't need to go to these events. I've actually really stopped going to many events being somebody who's done this full time.

For going on to my third third year, I think I believe worth almost year in this space, because for one, I'm not like the biggest lifestyle influencer, right, so, like I'm not always super interested in going to events where it's all about the products, the hair, skin, everything, Like it's kind of cool to go here and there, And I did that the first year that I moved down to the city and I was this influencer and this that.

I also have a YouTube channel, second channel by the way, if anyone is new and watching on the podcast channel on YouTube, So like, I talk a lot about health, wellness things like that, and on my Instagram as well. But anyways, I get invited to a lot of those events. A lot of them I don't go do because I'm honestly just busy with other things. Like I feel like what I am working on, but also just what I do for my work is just bigger than going to

events sometimes and products and being a lifestyle influencer. Like I love that kind of stuff, and I like the wellness, I like the light stuff, but I am a very deep person and the work that I am doing is going to be far beyond you know, just being like a get Ready with Me influencer. No shade to get Ready with Me influencers. Okay, we love you girls.

for disaster. And I just felt like I am somebody who very much so goes with the flow of my body, the flow of nature and life and this that, and I have to adapt and whatever and really try to deconstruct this way of moving through life where it's like a lot of force energy, like forcing things that I don't feel like doing that aren't aligned. And on one hand, that's great and it's beautiful and it's really healthy and

it's helped me healed a lot. The other hand is we still need to do the things that might, you know, be uncomfortable. But with this particular circumstance, I really did not need to go, and I did not need to also feel bad about myself for like not going. And there were actually pretty valid reasons as to why it wasn't the vibe of going, and it was like at this like outdoor like beach club vibe anyway, and it just wasn't really the day.

to this thing. Like it's totally fine. Many people cancel, but that was kind of what was happening.

holding yourself accountable. But it was this really not nice energy that I was holding to myself for not really any reason. And I had to come to Jesus moment again this week or that week, and I was like, you know what, like, for one, we're not going, okay, so like I decided I wasn't going, but also you're being like way too hard on yourself and it's not necessary.

And I had to sit there and really remind myself of the things that I accomplished that week, and I was like, whoa, Like if I'm not careful and if I don't check myself, my toxic self improvement side of me, that part of me that always wants to keep going, can really just aligned me and really take me into this dark energy that I do not even need to be in. I didn't even need to be in there.

And the constant back and forth that I was spending time stressing about in my head that day made me so far away from the realization of the things that I did accomplish that week. And I'm just gonna list some things that I actually did. One was I got myself out of like a little mini feeling like a little bit of a rut on that Monday. And this is kind of more like the ludial phase dish of my life. Sometimes I can get like this pull myself out. I was so happy with how that.

shit that I went through in the winter time. Like I am doing literally so much and so many good things. But in that moment, I was so focused on I'm just not doing this thing, which really didn't even really matter, and I was forgetting all the great things that I was doing, and it was making me feel like absolute shit.

And so for anyone who might be feeling right now that they are not doing enough, or you always feel like you're falling short, or you're hard on yourself a lot, Like you're really hard on yourself even though you've probably done a million things, you just start forgetting all of

those things you're doing. Whatever it is, You need to understand that we as humans seriously underestimate how long it even takes to change a habit or do something successful, such as let's say, get your comfort zone of something that you've been saying that you want to do for so long, or even when it comes to that episode I was talking about when it comes to gardening aka like smoking marijuans, how much time that actually can take for you to really pull away from that habit and

pull away from you being reliant on that thing.

and we do not give ourselves props. We do not give ourselves this congratulations of these small little steps that we make because we are so focused on the wrong things. And I want to talk about some of those things and you know, really get ourselves back to the core of who we are, which is whole and lovable, and and we don't need to be acting out of fear

and stress to begin with. And how society and many things have been taught to us and put on us has made us forget and we operate out of fear and scarcity, and we don't need to be doing that. And that first thing is to really remember that you

are not failing, you are actually healing. And when I mean healing could simply be like the day that I was stressing about the event and me not going and this that, and I was overwhelmed in this that, like I'm in the process of working on other things, right my habits and pushing myself out of comfort zone that week per se, all of those things were me healing, me, growing me, changing and evolving. I'm on this process of

healing right now, so I should be very gentle. I should be more loving and a little bit more understanding. And when I don't have that one hundred percent capacity to show up, I don't need to think that I'm failing or I'm doing things wrong.

good quotes. Okay, and I read this quote. I'm gonna read it, but I don't know exactly the context in which this was made for, but I actually want to go through it because I think that it can help me explain where this us being hard on ourselves can be coming from and there's many ways, you guys know, I always talk about childhood and you know, parents or caregivers or you know, societal systems or put in place for us to constantly just keep stressing and feel we

need to do more. Yes, but I want to kind of like break them down. So this quote says the

seven veils of illusion, and it says separation, scarcity, control, unworthiness, time, fear, and death. So I want to run through some of these and give you kind of like my commentary on it.

my mental health, I'm slowing things down. It's actually pretty easy for me to come to the realization that all of these thoughts that I'm having are based out of fear and lack and they're not serving me, and I don't need to listen to them, and my higher self knows that this is bullshit and I need to slow down and I need to remind myself of what I have accomplished and how good I am and all those things.

And that's what I did when I realized it was like going into the spiral of anxiety that day, and I'm like, I need to just I need to come back to myself right now because I am letting and I don't know. Everyone has their ways of thinking of what this energy could be, like dark energy, evil energy, whatever it is, devilish energy, it's like it has me wrapped up in all of their limiting beliefs, in that negativity.

in that state. And I know that because I've been like that all my life, and it's been really challenging for me to have healthy relationship. Not anymore, I've really worked on it, but in my past trust people, Trust that they're going to show up.

onto the next thing or whatever. Like even my friends too, Like people will come to me and like you have done so much for people, and your work is incredibly impactful, or your book or everything that you've done and all of these things. But I'm just so numb to it sometimes and I'm just so like used to just not really like Okay, onto the next thing, that I don't

even see it. But when I have people, when I'm not separated from others, when I'm not separated from love, then I can actually see I am whole, I am good enough. I actually don't need to be doing so much. I am enough. That's what I'll say about separation. Next thing says is scarcity. Of course, when you are feeling

like I'm not doing enough, I need to do more, that you're operating out of scarcity. You're operating out of a belief system that thinks I need to do more to.

to continuously keep doing more. But the truth really is is there actually is an abundance of love to be

had and to be given, money to be had to be given, and resources and a lot of things.

need to wake up. People need to wake up, but you also need to wake up to the fact that there is a lot of good and when you do have that mindset, you can create more resources, more abundant, more healing in this world that can also help others as well.

Once I released that, things opened up so beautifully for me. I felt so much lighter. And when I am not stressed, when I'm not feeling like I need to control things, things work out so much much better. I'm clear minded, so I think differently, I move differently, I act differently. During that day, not only did I go into that mindset of like, oh my gosh, look at all the things that I did do, that also spiraled me into doing other things in that day. It wasn't like I

sat around did nothing. I actually was really productive in other beautiful ways and I got so many things done from this place of alignment that like me going to that event, when I looked at it the next day, I'm like, girl, like that was actually ridiculous, but it was a lesson. But anyways, control is definitely an illusion and we need to remind ourselves of that. The next

thing on that list was unworthiness, which I kind of already talked about. But you know, this can really keep us stuck and sick and depressed and just not living a good quality life. And I think that this is another thing that infiltrates our minds through social media, through

people above us, people in systems everywhere. If we're not careful and we don't wake up that you know, we are just inherently not good and we need to change, and we need to do more, and we need to be better and just do more.

But really, when we're rushing, all we're doing is we're rushing to the finish line, which is death. So I'm always trying to remind myself, like, do you really are you trying to really like speed up the process with that? Because I'm not. I don't I'm not actually trying to do that. And it's so crazy because we have a part of ourselves that's convinced that if we keep going faster, quicker, do more, do more, do more, We're gonna stay safe because that's what it believes that we know. All of

these things will keep us safe. You know, if we do more for better, if we're valued more, if we're loved and more, if we have more money, all these things keep us safe. And yeah, that's partly true, but we do that too much. Where is that gonna bring us to unsafety aka being depressed, sad, not fulfilled in life because we've maybe taken the wrong route coping because we are so stressed, And where does that lead us? That leads us to death, that leads us to an

unfulfilled life. The next thing that it says is fear,

which again, like this kind of all correlates, right when you are in this energy of being hard on yourself and I'm not doing enough, you're really operating from fear not love. And I talked about this in a few episodes in the like End of Tail, End of Winter into Spring, where if you really just think about it, we as humans operate from two places, fear or love.

When you're operating from a place of fear, you're doing things like overworking yourself or getting into the wrong relationships because you're afraid that if not, then you won't be loved. Like you're doing a lot of things that might not actually serve you or serve others. You know, even people who are harming other people. Deep down, yes they're mentally not okay, But there's fear within those emotions as well.

YadA YadA. So there's fear or there's love. And when you operate out of a place of love, you typically do things for the betterment of society. You do things for yourself in a way that's nurturing and loving and understanding and more compassionate. And it's always asking yourself when you're doing certain habits, am I doing this out of a place of fear or love? When you're self sabotaging, when you're overeating, when you're not taking care of yourself,

where's this coming from? And when it comes to overworking and feeling like you're not doing enough, that's really your survival.

protect yourself. Absolutely every emotion, every system that we have serves a purpose. But when you're constantly overworked, when you're going chronic in one area, that is not going to help you at all, and for the most part, that doesn't serve us anymore.

And then the last one is death. And I won't go too much into this. Who knows, maybe one day I we'll have more of not necessarily an opinion, but more content when it revolves like death and grieving and stuff. I mean, I'm obviously still in the grieving process when it comes to my mom. But I've been learning a lot about death and grieving, and I think it's actually quite instinctual, and it was easy for me to understand because of my life experience, probably even when it came

to losing my mom. But I think that a lot of us do not understand death and we are absolutely terrified of it. And I understand, and I start to say that I'm not afraid of death in a way, actually I'm not really, but obviously I want to live like I.

life and even more meaningful life. We can see the lessons, we can see the wisdom, and we stop operating out of fear because at the end of the day, that's really what we are doing, right. It all comes down to this instinctual want and need to stay alive. But when you fear death a little less, it's almost like you can actually live more, which is again an interesting thing to think about. So anyways, that was kind of deep.

But I just read that quote and I was like, yeah, this all everything is connected, really and truly everything is connected now for one Before we go on to the next part, I do want to ask you, guys, what are you currently fearing in your life? I would love to hear, whether it's in the comments you can send me DMS or even leave it on the Spotify page where you can leave comments in any area of these things that I talked about, even from like the quotes, I just kind of want to know, like, what are

the big fears. It could be other things that I didn't talk about. I feel like a lot of women are afraid of aging and also like children and marriage, relationships like that kind of stuff, which I would really like to have those conversations as well in the podcast. I'm going into my thirtieth year and I have a pretty I think that I've come around kind of a little bit on the other side when it comes to this rushing energy and feeling afraid of life. So I

definitely would love to share that with you guys. But I'm also just interested in what you guys maybe are struggling with.

and deconstruct our lives to create more safety within them. Right, It's everything from yes, the systems that we live in and the environment that we are in, and the financials and the parents and the relationships, the friendships where we spend our time, what we are listening to, all of it, you know, and by the way, let's slow down here and understand that that will be a lifelong process and that is okay, and you can still feel safe and you can still have a better quality of life even

if all these things are not in place. Coming from me and my story, that's how I've always kind of moved up and evolved. Is not everything is perfect, but I'm creating safety. I'm looking for safety. I'm doing the best that I can, and every single year is just better and better. But for this example and what I did when I was stressing about that event, We're going

to talk about really focusing on your small wins because doing this can really give you a sense of control actually in a way, and also to create a little bit more space and calmness in your life so that you're not onto the next thing as well, because when you're onto the next thing and the next thing, I need to do this, I need self improve this. I'm good here and I just did this, but I could just teak it a little bit more, and I could just do a little bit more. No, that is creating

more stress that you don't need. You're going back into that survival mechanism that you have, and you don't need to be there. So what you can do as a practice, and I'll write this little journal prompt in the description, but you can sit down and honestly, like if you're really really stressed, you can do this every morning or every night, or when you are just like really really stressed.

But I do want to say that the more times that you make having a relationship with yourself a practice, you will feel better in your life and yourself and God or the universe or whatever you want to believe in.

is enough right now.

when I move with my energy. I also did the brand deal thing and that led to another opportunity, which was beautiful.

So doing this type of practice not only will help you in that moment and make you feel a little bit better, but also when you continuously do this and you have a practice of coming back to yourself, reminding yourself, I am worthy, I am good enough, I have accomplished enough, and you can list out the things that you've been doing or the things that you're working on, whatever it is.

All of that kind of stuff will eventually rewire your brain, so you start to automatically start thinking about the fact that actually I am already doing enough naturally, and that's where I'm at as well. Like not all the time, am I in that energy of like the event thing. For most things, I can just like let it go and be like, it's not. At this point, I've done enough work. We're not going to stress about the fact

that I didn't get that thing done. My perfectionism is so much less than it used to be because I've just done these practices and I'm constantly pouring into myself anytime that I'm stressing, and usually every morning, not every single morning, am I perfect? When it comes to journaling and stuff. But I can see an absolute complete difference in my mental health when I am sitting down and I'm writing out either the things that I am doing or enough or again just pouring into myself when it

comes to affirmation or another thing you can do. And

I think that this is a really beautiful method practice that I use all the time, that you can implement in your daily life.

shows up, who has the resources. You could also even think about it as like maybe your parents, whether they maybe were falling short about things like thinking about how they actually would be if they had the resources and they didn't come from their own traumas and their own you know, upbringings and things like that.

God in this way. So obviously it's not like you're playing God, but it's just like you going into prayer or you having this, in my personal opinion, truth that we all can tap into if we slow down and we take a moment and connect to it of the fact that we are inherently already worthy, We are a whole, we are loved, and we need to remind ourselves of these things so that we stop operating from such places and bringing it back to finding those cues of safety,

reminding yourself of the things that you have accomplished, but also going into gratitud going into the things that are working well in your life. And I think we need to do more of this. And this is something that's really helped me and it's gotten my mindset to a place of feeling more stable. And yes, there's other things that you can do when it comes to regularly in your nervous system and feeling safe. You know, somatic work,

you know, breath work, meditation, things like that. But I'm talking about things where we get in our heads a lot, and we do need to remind ourselves of these things when it comes to writing or speaking to ourselves. Affirmations and some of the things that my higher self or even.

meant to. Trust God's timing, trust God's plan. And actually I saw this quote on I don't know if it was Instagram or Pinterest where it says something about slowness is divine timing or something, and I'm pretty sure I posted it on the YouTube community tab page as well, and it's really like, sometimes slowness in things, taking time

is such a blessing, and we just forget that. We think everything should take two seconds and we should get it now, and if it's not changing and we don't see the evidence, then it's not working, and we stress out and we don't need to. We have to remind ourselves that things, actually some of the best things in

life take time, and they need to take time. You need time to see what you like and what you don't like when it comes to relationships, which means sometimes you might have to go through the phases of like dating the wrong people, or you know, not living in the right state, or working shitty jobs, and then you figure out, actually, I want to do this thing and

not that thing. Like there's many jobs that I didn't love, but I learned to find the lessons in those jobs, and then that allowed me to actually get closer to what I actually was meant to do in this world. And I continue to do that and to follow what

feels good. But I can't do that when my mind is clouded with this negative self talk and this scarcity and that I need to do more and quicker and faster, and I'm not good enough the way that I am, Like, of course, I'm going to bring myself into hot water when I'm thinking those things. And actually, one thing I

did say in one of those episodes, like from Spring End of Winter, like I was saying, was from this book called A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. I love her, and she was saying in the book, how fear speaks loud and first. So when you are having thoughts in your head a lot of the time, especially if you've come from like limiting beliefs and things like that, what's going to come up first is the fearful thought, is the limiting belief, is the thing that doesn't serve you.

It speaks loud and it speaks first.

which is that we actually are lovable. But maybe we just grew up in environments where we were taught we were opposite of that, Or we actually are doing a lot of things, but we are so focused on the things that aren't going right that we don't even see all the things that we are accomplishing and that we are doing or we're doing so much comparison or judgment when really we should be just focusing on our own water,

our own lives, and pouring into ourselves. And when we do more of that, and when we operate more out of love.

So let me know. But I hope this help in some way. My everything is basically going to die so I need to get off of the podcast soon. But yeah, I just think that, you know, we really need to put in the work to redirect our minds come back to the truth. Am I really not doing enough? Is this event that I didn't go to? Is this really the end of the world? And do I need to work myself up and ruin my whole day because I'm not going and I feel like shame and I'm the

worst person in this that. No, it's not it's not what God wants from me. It's not even what's best for society. For me to constantly be operating out of fear and being sick and being depressed and being sad and being fearful and anxiety like all of those things, it's not serving not only myself but others. And so I'm gonna do what I need to do to get further away from operating out of those places like scarcity,

like unworthiness, because it's not the truth. But it's gonna be up to you to continuously remind yourself of these things by doing practices in the morning, connecting to yourself, connecting to God, listening to podcasts, getting out of your own way, and reminding yourself of your worth because realistically, even the people around you who are good, who can remind you, sometimes those fear based thoughts and that programming is so ingrained in you that you can't even see

it and you won't even believe it.