¶ life is LIFING
Hi everyone, and welcome back to another podcast episode. My name is Alicia Cogain, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand your mind and become more self awares that you can glow up into the best version of yourself. Hello and happy Sunday, and my apologies
for missing last week's episode. Life has truly been lifing and I actually want this episode to be about what to do when life feels messy, uncomfortable, unfinished, because I think that this is a universal experience and I feel like if you don't have a different perspective when it comes to your life feeling like this, then you can
just go into overwhelm. You can respond to situations in your life the same way you usually do, which then just creates a lot of stress and feeling like you're just not where you need to be or where you want to be in your life. And that's just no way to live life. And for me, there's been a lot of things that I've been happening in my life, not necessarily the worst things. I feel like Winter was way worse than how my life is right now, but
there is a lot of things. For one, my life got so busy that I wasn't able to put out an episode, which is on a smaller scale for me. I just not like I actually freak out about that, But obviously it's not the best to not be on top of your work. I'm somebody who is very on top of my work. I also had to take THEO to the emergency vet last week. We had a little
bit of a scare. But everything is fine. But we had that, and that through a big change in my schedule seriously, and on top of that just the stress that that can bring to a dog owner. I also just have so many projects that I'm working towards in my work life but also in my personal life.
For me, I'm trying.
To get my balcony sorted to have like a space for THEO, but also so that I can sit outside, and that just involves so many moving pieces. There's so many things around my place that I need to do, Like there's a million things that I feel like are all like unfinished things that I'm trying to get done. I also have some things that push me out of my comfort zone, which also makes me feel like life
is a little bit chaotic. For instance, what I'm actually doing after I record this podcast episode is I'm going to be working with a brand and I have to go to the site to film, and I'm somebody who doesn't necessarily enjoy feeling myself in public, like it's not the best feeling in a way, but I also just
haven't had that much experience doing it. So when I have to do something that's going to require me to get out of my comfort zone, I do feel a little bit overwhelmed, like ugh, you know, like life is
just a little chaotic. So the other day I kind of had a perspective shift, and this was because I was starting to feel overwhelmed by life and all of these things that were happening to the point where it was making me feel not satisfied, unhappy, like overwhelmed, like I said, just very like life is lifing and chaotic, and when I feel overwhelmed, I kind of have to have like this come to Jesus, like real talk with myself, Like listen, girl, we need to strap in and we
need to ride this way because this is really what life is about. So I want to talk about some of the things that I I've had to remind myself of and things that I tell myself when I am feeling like life is like this, and hopefully it can help you if you feel stressed, overwhelmed, like you're not hitting your goals, like things aren't happening fast enough. This advice could really apply to all stages of life. So let's first talk about the pressure to have it all together.
¶ the pressure to have it all together
This is mainly why we always feel like life is unfinished and then we get overwhelmed and stressed because there's a many things that might be moving and changing or not.
Complete yet in our lives.
Because we have this expectation that life is supposed to be all together all the time and everything is finished and complete, and that is such a myth that we need to break, like thinking that there's just this one day where everything will.
Be so aligned. And let me say this, there is gonna be many days of your life where you do feel like you got it all together, you got.
All your things done in the day, or maybe there's not a lot of like you know, feel going to the vet during the week, or a brand deal that's pushing me into my comfort zone, like maybe I have a chill week and that feels like pretty complete, But at the end of the day, there's always going to be things happening and moving in your life, So why are we holding on to this false sense of control? And So what I like to tell myself when I feel I'm getting overwhelmed with life is that it's okay
that life is feeling a little unfinished. And if everything was finished, then what would we be even doing. There'd be nothing to look forward to, there'd be nothing to accomplish. But regardless, let's try not to strive for always having
everything absolutely finished, one hundred percent perfect, done, done, done, undone. Yes, of course we want to accomplish goals and be productive and obviously complete things, but I think we just need to be a little bit more comfortable with the fact that not everything will be complete, and to relax because when we're in a relaxed state, when we're not stressing so much, it gives us the capacity too. Sorry, if you're watching on YouTube, THEO is just he's just.
Having some zummies right now.
But when we are more relaxed, we have more capacity to focus in and get things done. And then of course we're going to complete the thing that was overwhelming us in the first place.
But we can't really take the.
Action we need to when we're constantly just so caught up in the messiness of the thing that we are stressing about. The next thing that I realized that I
¶ the perspective shift
was doing was losing my practice of gratitude through the chaos. And I know sometimes it can be hard to have gratitude or see the wisdom and the beauty and the messiness of your life, but I do think it's really important to do this for many reasons, but one reason being when you focus on the things that are going right, even within the chaos of your life or the situation, you're signaling to your nervous system that you are safe, which is so important because we want to feel safe.
We want to feel grounded so that we can stay clear minded so that we can move through this chaos in the least chaotic way possible. So I'm gonna give a few examples of some of the things that I said that I was going through.
For one, with the vet situation.
Obviously that was more of the like high triggered situation that I was going through, So I just allowed myself to take it moment by moment when it came to the stress of what was going on in that situation. But when my emotions were not so heightened, and I was at the vets and they were checking him out and things like that. I tried my best to focus on the things that were either going right or things were better than they were worse. And for me, there was a few things. For one, thank.
God I had insurance. Thank god I got pet insurance.
Because that bill was hefty when they're telling me because they needed to keep him overnight. By the way, he's fine, like actually, like he's so fine, but anyways, they just wanted to like monitor him, which made the VET bill really expensive. But I was still kind of stressing about the fact that, like, wow, it's expensive and this that, and that's not to deny the fact that I was
feeling those things or that that was reality. But I also could lean on the fact that, well, at least I have insurance and I don't really have to pay a lot of money for this. Also the fact that he is going to be okay, so that's good, instead of focusing on the scare of the fact that he wasn't going to be okay. Again, this is very like heightened stress situation, So it's so understandable for you not be logical in some of these moments.
But you know, even.
After the stress has occurred or you're still moving through it, trying your best to move towards that kind of thinking. Now, when you are in a stressful situation, I guess maybe this will be a side note. You do need to focus on things like breath work or making sure that you're around a regulated nervous system, taking physical action to do things, not just trying to think yourself out of something stressful, because that's typically not the best way to deal with stress.
But I digress.
But something else I was thinking about when I was leaving the vet was how I really do need to recognize how this situation is much better than how it would be if it happened in the exact same way but when I was younger, And this is what I mean. For one, I have pet insurance, which was, you know, really helpful when it came to the financial and any of the other money that I needed to like actually spend. I have the means, so that's first and foremost amazing.
That can definitely help de escalate a situation versus in the past, I either didn't have a lot of money or I would have to, you know, go into debt for something or I wouldn't have anyone to lean on. I also had my boyfriend there who really held me through so much of that, and I didn't have that sense of like calm nervous system, like someone showing up for me consistently, even when I was younger and we
had stressful situations happen. Even when my mom was here, like she did the best that she could, but she was also a little dysregulated. She also wasn't showing up because of her addictions and things like that. So when stressful situations did happen, like I was kind of left to do everything myself, and that was very stressful.
But the situation that.
Was happening now was so much easier year and so much more supportive. And of course I'm still going to feel that visceral response of wanting to go into the fight or flight, because that's essentially trauma, right like me being in a stressful situation. It's just reminding me of how it used to be in the past. But I'm trying to remind myself the ways that I am safe now. And so if you're in a situation where you know
you are in a heightened situation. Maybe you don't have the life that is completely different than how it has
been when it comes to dealing with stressal situations. But even when I was younger and I was going through hard times, I always try to find the light through that the Okay, well, you know what, at least it's not like this, or you know, at least I still have this part of my health, or at least I found this doctor who might give me an answer, or maybe I have this friend that I can lean on.
And maybe I don't have the parents or the money or whatever, but I'm still going to figure out this way, like whatever it is, just continuing to see the ways that I I am safe. And when it comes to other things like the things that I need to do for my balcony and my apartment and all like the million other things that I need to do, and my boyfriend wants to help me with a bunch of things and this that sometimes I'm getting overwhelmed with the fact
that like nothing's not nothing. I shouldn't say nothing, but some of these things are unfinished or like they haven't gotten done yet, and this that. But the other day I was thinking, am I not blessed to have a mind that thinks bigger than the life that I have right now and has goals and aspirations, like I should be grateful and blessed that I can dream and I have dreams and I want to do more for myself, or that I have a boyfriend who wants to do
all of these things for me. And yes, some of these things are going to take time, but I should really be more blessed and grateful for the fact that I have things to work towards then to have a life that I don't have anything to work towards. Bringing it back to what I said before, if everything was finished and there's nothing to do, life would actually be pretty boring.
Trust me, it would.
Or when it comes to the brand deal situation, sometimes I can be so focused on the thing that makes me uncomfortable, But realistically, am I not blessed to have the job that I have and the opportunity that I have, like especially specifically for this brand, but anything to do with brand work, And realistically, this is a great problem to have, and I just think we need to do
more of that. We get very caught up in the things in our everyday life that can either stress us out or we can look at it like, actually, I am blessed to have these problems. I remember seeing a TikTok where they were saying, how some people will complain when they get bloated, right, it's like the worst thing in the world and how uncomfortable it is, And that's
very true. But in the example, they were saying how you should just be actually blessed that you have the problem of being bloated, because that means you had food, you had access to food, and probably a lot of it. And of course that's kind of like a whatever example. But there's so many situations that you can look at differently, and you need to when things are feeling chaoic, because the truth is, like you don't have all this control.
You can't make the balcony situation go any faster. Alisia like, you have to take the steps and things need to build and things will come together when they do. I couldn't change the fact that we were having to go to the emergency vet, but I could change the way that I was looking at these things. But we are waiting for the day for things to change completely and then we're going to be at peace, and we're not
going to be anxious. And I promise you for anyone who is anxiously attached or anxious in general, or really struggles with that control, I know I've been there and I still have to work on that. Do not wait for the thing to fully change and be perfect before you let yourself breathe. And I'm not going to say that I was fully okay and accepting of the vet situation when it was happening. No, I got relief when I got my puppy back at home and I could
just breathe again. But I did the things I needed to do by changing my mindset, you know, also, like I said, when it comes to regulating nervous system, doing breath work, trying my best to sleep, and also like connecting with somebody who has a healthy, regulated nervous system and leaning on people right like you need that support. But at the end of the day, I had to still go through the situation. But everything I did allowed
me to deal with the messiness of life. And I actually wrote out here what if chaos isn't the problem? What if it's evidence that I'm alive, in motion and full of vision. Now, another thing I want to talk about is comfort zones. And I've really had to remind
¶ normalizing discomfort
myself of this, especially lately, because there's been so much change in my life. And when change happens, usually you haven't experienced it or you're doing things for the first time, and that is going to create this sense of uneasiness.
Maybe you're triggered, maybe you feel uncomfortable, but you need to just normalize the fact that things will feel uncomfortable, or even the fact that you get triggered sometimes maybe in relationship or life or whatever, and that is okay, and it doesn't mean that you are unsafe when it comes to relationships. And I will talk more about this like in an actual relationship episode.
But who are triggered?
Are such good information for you to learn more about yourself and to work on yourself and to go deeper in those things, not that oh my god, I'm triggered and I'm gonna act the same way I always do and this is bad and this is wrong, and not actually try and change anything different, Like no, like this is good information. Or when you're uncomfortable, just understand that, yes,
of course I'm going to be uncomfortable. Life will call you to show up in a way that you are not even ready yet, but that doesn't mean you don't do it. And even when it comes to the brand deal thing, the place that I'm going to after this, I'm just reminding myself that it's okay that I feel uncomfortable.
It's normal. I'm gonna feel uncomfortable. But also if I want to feel more comfortable with doing such thing, I'm gonna have to just try, and I'm going to need to do it feeling like it's not perfect, feeling like it's messy, feeling a little bit awkward until it doesn't. With everything that we try, it's like we expect that we're supposed to feel the best we've ever felt, and we're going to do it quickly and perfectly, and we're not going to feel awkward at all doing things for
the first time. But that's not even how things work. For the majority of the time.
The confidence that we end.
Up building and gaining from things that we want to do in our lives happens through repetition and happens by you starting and doing it messy. And I think about my podcast, I think about YouTube, I think about anything. When I started talking on camera, even I'm so much more comfortable talking on camera now than I did in the past, but that took time and effort. It took me showing up. And now when I want to record more content in public, there's going to be that uncomfortable feeling.
But pushing past that and knowing it will go away if I keep doing it, that is going to help me deal with the fact that this is life and this is how it feels sometimes. And I found an Instagram quote and it said, give yourself grace while you organize your life at this level. Your life has never been this complex before. Keep going now. The last thing I want to talk about is something.
¶ all you have is now
That I really just had a.
Full circle moment in an uber the other day, and it was this reminder that I need to tell myself and to you guys, and we know this on a soul level, but the only time that we have is now. And I was in this uber and I was just thinking of all the things that I had to do, and I was rhumed about some things and YadA YadA, and I was just thinking how this moment feels very comfortable for me. I could go in my head and stress about all these things, but realistically, right now I'm in this uber.
I am safe. It's a beautiful day.
I have freedom, I have so many good things happening in my life right now, and this could be the last day that I am feeling this good before something bad happens. And I hate to even say that, because like, who wants to even say that, But for the purposes of this episode, that night something could have happened or the next day, my life could have absolutely changed.
And I think about all the.
Days that I had before traumatic things happened to me or just crappy things happened, where it changes your life for maybe a day or a week or forever, like the day that I got the call that my mom passed away that completely altered everything. And I don't know how I was feeling the day before, but it just reminds me that I should really take in this moment right now, because the next moment might be completely different and it might.
Be so altered.
And I think you can even think about this on a smaller scale when you get sick, right, you always think about the days when you weren't sick, Like you think about like, damn, like I should have just I should have just really like capitalized on those days over there, because now I'm sick in bed and I gotta wait
it out, things like that. And I was just thinking, you know, I could really ruin this moment and take myself out of this present moment by focusing on all the unfinished things, how life is chaotic and messy, and how it can be stressful and hard, and those things are all true, but also it could be way worse, and my life could change completely in three seconds for the worst. And so what I'm gonna do right now
is focus on the things that I can control. I'm going to change the way that I'm viewing a lot of these things anyways, so I can lower my own stress in my own brain and also just embrace the fact that life is like this. Life is messy, life is unfinished. Things are always ebbing and flowing, and that's okay. If we can get better at that, we will have
a better quality of a life. And I found a Pinches quote that I really really loved, and I think we all needed to hear it, and it says, have fun this summer, because there's a version of you in thirty years that is begging to relive summer twenty twenty five, that is begging to be your age again. That is begging to feel what you feel now. That is begging to experience what you get to experience now. That is begging to have the people that are in your life
right now. So be more in the present, Be so in the moment that you forget to check your phone, connect more with the people around you, tell them how you feel, smile a lot, laugh, say yes more, or don't take it so seriously. And it doesn't have to be big. You can have fun in a little mundane moments where you're just in the moment, talking and connecting and making a memory that a future version of you
will miss. And I'm not somebody who thinks like this all the time because I feel like it's a little cynical, but it is true. Even the best things in life are not going to last.
So let's hold on to the.
Good things that we do have or the things that are going well, because life can get a lot worse and your health can change, or you could lose people in your life and things could just be way worse than they are now. And I try and remind myself that when I am letting things take over this present moment and making me stress at the end of the day.
And I think that when we live in like a first.
World country, I mean not everyone, Like some people live like literally across the world who are listening to this podcast and maybe have a completely different quality of life.
But I think we just.
Forget how good life actually is right now. Maybe you don't love your job, or maybe your family situation is what it is, but you know what, like it's probably better than a lot of other people's situations, and at least you have a job that's paying your bills, and at least you have your health right now, and you can do more and you can be better whatever it is.
Obviously everyone's situation is different. But in my life, I've always just tried to do that and the hardest times I remember when I had nerve pain in my hands, and I talk about it in my book The Ultimate Globe Guide, where I just was so grateful that I was finding information on how to heal that I no longer focus so much of my attention on the fact that my hands were hurting, because I just knew that
that was keeping me stuck and keeping me sick. And when I focused more on the things that were going well and the things that I could do, which was I could get up and I can go for long walks instead of use my hands to do workouts. Right now, I really wanted to do dumbbell workouts and you know, do my push ups and do all these things.
But I couldn't do that.
But I wasn't going to cry about it every single day. I was going to be so grateful for the fact that my legs work and I could go outside and I can go listen to a podcast.
Thank god I have good hearing. Thank God I have sight.
Thank God I have a friend that I could go to. Thank God I have my dog who is very healthy. Thank God I have the job that I have, or the opportunities that I have that are endless. The generation that we live in, the access to information that we have that our parents didn't.
We have so much to be grateful.
For, and we just need to remind ourselves that when we are stressing about a lot of things that don't even need to be stressed about, because this is life, it's going to feel unfinished sometimes. So with that said, I hope this helped ease anything that you might be, you know, struggling with just a quick reminder we are good,
we are safe, and we can do this. And of course, if you're going through any sort of heightened stressful situation, always remind yourself that you can't just necessarily talk yourself out of a stressful situation, right, It depends. So for me, I like to do some breath work. I like to sleep with gouid and meditations. If I'm really stressed or I'm overthinking, I like to make sure I'm connecting with people and leaning on people if I can.
I'm not trying to do everything my own.
I'm not trying to talk myself out of real situations that might be happening in my life. I'm taking it day by day, moment by moment. I'm giving myself grace and love and doing the best that I can in any situation. So I just wanted to say that. But with that said, I hope you guys enjoyed And if you enjoyed it, please let me know in the comments on YouTube if you're watching on YouTube, and or you can leave me a comment on Spotify. I love to
see your guys's comments. I usually like like them and now I can respond to them as well, so you guys can like give me some discourse on Spotify if you have it and there's like a little question that I pose or I don't know if it's like a Q and a box or something, but you can just like let me know, let me know how you're doing, let me know how this episode resonated, and yeah, I will see.
You guys in the next one. Bye.