¶ Intro / Opening
Hi everyone, and welcome back to other podcast episode. My name is Lisha Gogin, the host of the Globe So You Guts Podcast. Why I help you expand your mind and become more self awares that you can glow up into the best version of yourself. Hello, how are we doing?
Happy June? I feel like I'm pretty tan right now because I have been out in the sun, vibing, having a good summer, and I really do think partly the reason why I'm thriving in so many ways this summer is one of them being I have released and freed myself from I would say, like a low to mid level quote unquote addiction that I have been working through getting out of in many years of my life. But like here and there throughout the past few years, and
this thing has not completely destroyed my life. It has not stopped me from doing my work or taking care of myself, but I will say it definitely has wasted a lot of my free time. It also has taken away some of my capacity to show up in the way that I want when it comes to my health or my wellness, or even socializing and even just being
with myself emotionally. In all of those things, and so I want to talk about my personal experience with kind of like low to mid level even like high functioning addictions. In a way, I want to talk about getting to the root of some of these things that really.
Do control us.
And I also want to talk about some things that have helped me when it comes to practical ways of moving away from things that might not serve us, whether it's bad habits, addictions, whatever.
You kind of want to call it.
And at the end of the episode, I do want to talk about two things that I absolutely think are crucial.
And I think that people who.
Struggle with any form of addiction, which honestly is a lot of us in all different ways, and we can get into that what people are missing when it comes to breaking free from these things. And if we do not have these mindsets and these ways of living, then it can be very hard to break these habits and these addiction And not only have I seen that in myself, but if you guys are new here, this is the first time I've ever watched my content. Addiction runs in
my family. Both of my parents have passed away from addictions, so I've seen it firsthand. And when I'm talking about addictions when it comes to like my parents, these were.
Very hard drug addictions.
Okay, so my experience and what I'm going to be talking about is not as high as what I have seen, and so I'm just also saying that because this episode isn't going to be a one size fits all for everyone, and at the end of the day, I'm sharing my experience.
I am not a therapist.
If you are really really struggling, then you might need to go, you know, get extra help and things like that, which we will talk about in this episode anyway, But depending on where you're at with any sort of bad habit, addiction, anything like that, my hope is that you get something
out of this episode. So whether you struggle with binge, eating on healthy relationships with food, or even drinking, partying or even smoking weed or you know, dabbling in other party favors, I don't know, there's other addictions and bad habit that we all can have, and obviously there's a spectrum for everything. But with that said, I just want to dive into some of the things that I have been really able to help myself move out of in my life. So firstly, I'll just quickly share some of
¶ my struggles with unhealthy relationship with food & smoking W
the things that I have struggled with in my life, and I've kind of already mentioned this one for sure was a really bad relationship with food AKA and ed. I would binge eat a lot. This would, I would say, like started maybe like you know, end of high school, moving through college, and like even after college a little bit. It happened through a span of many years in the height of me going through a lot of turmoil with a parent who was addicted. And also it was pivotal
years of my life college. I had body image issues things like that. So I was really in the state of of eating and dieting and in the fitness and health world, but then also really struggling with being able to eat well and move my body well and you know, have good mental health. And I was a really big perfectionist, So I would go to very big extremes and I would always crash out. I would be binge eating all
the time. I would also bring up that food as well sometimes when I thought it was really bad that.
I ate so much food.
And I also had this thing called orthorexia, which is a obsession of eating really clean and like healthy food. So I was really into like the health and wellness like holistic, you know, clean everything. So anytime I veered off of eating a certain way, like I couldn't live my life like I was just like couldn't go out and eat with my friends.
I you know, was always consumed by food, Like it was just a lot.
So like I really struggled with that for a very very long time. I didn't really even know what to do about that. But I have come such a far away, like I don't even resonate with that version of me in the nicest, most loving way anymore. To like my past self, I have a completely different relationship with food. It's insane, but it took many years for me to come to a lot of realizations of what was happening
with that. And then another thing that I've also kind of talked about a little bit on the podcast throughout my years, and I've had like many years where like I didn't even do this at all, would be smoking weed. And for the podcast, like you know, algorithm stuff, I'm just gonna say gardening, Okay, gardening marijuana, smoking weed. I had like a phase after high school where like I was smoking with my friends.
Like I had this friend group and we would smoke a lot.
And I look back and it definitely like was an addiction though, and I didn't even necessarily know it, but it just didn't help me.
Like I definitely was suppressing a lot.
And basically like needing, not kneeding, but like always wanting to smoke to do anything. So there was that period of my life, and then I went in a period of life where like I was into health and wellness and I didn't smoke and this that. But I guess when I think about myself and my relationship to things, I would kind of like move from maybe like smoking to then I was like obsessed with healthy eating and stuff like that, but it also wasn't a good relationship
with that as well. So I think it went back and forth through those things. And those are the big things that I struggled with. I never struggled with like partying like too heavily or anything like that. Never dabbled in any other drugs or anything like that, probably because I've seen it so firsthand with my mom essentially and so like I never like went as far as that, but I still struggled a lot. And you know, throughout the years, I think, like I'm gonna just get real here.
The past few years of my life has been a lot different than I would say my early twenties into even late but twenties and even like teens. I'm twenty nine now, I'm going to be turning thirty at the end of this year. And I completely transformed myself and my life.
Like I healed a lot. I healed my relationship with food, my relationship.
To myself, Like I expanded and I evolved so much from like the old version of me and many many aspects. And I got my dream job, I became a YouTuber and a podcaster, and I you know, really got aligned and I feel like I'm really on purpose and all of those things. And I even got financially like out of debt, Like I did the things that I needed to do, and I worked myself out of really crazy places in my life. And I think like when I
moved to the city. I live in Toronto Downtown. When I moved, I think that I started like having this entire life where it was like great and it's like my dream life and my dream job, and I had so much freedom and I have like more money. Kind of I'm not saying like I'm like super rich guys. Like I'm not like I need to like be good with my money and I have to make money and this that. But from what I used to live, it's a lot better.
And so like.
I had a lot of free time, and there's a lot of things that I didn't need to work on anymore. Like I learned so much about healing and all the stuff that I talk to you guys about, and even now what I am living out is kind of just anytime like I get a trigger or anytime that like my perfectionist part of me wants.
To come online.
Like I have the tools, I know what to do, and I kind of work through them and I turn
over very quickly. And you know, now it's really about like how do I want to live the rest of my life in terms of, you know, all the things that I wasn't able to live out when it comes to like healthy friendships and you know, being happy in my life and allowing myself to like want more from my life and you know, be more in the present moment and enjoy and experience life and go on trips and like do all of these like fun things that I wasn't really able to do when I was living
in survival mode. So that's like my life right now. But when I moved down here, I feel like I had a lot of free time and I didn't really know what to do with it, and I was not used to not living in survival mode essentially, And so I found myself sometimes and mind you, like I have been single basically, like I was dating here and there,
and we can have a relationship episode. We'll definitely have a relationship episode coming out soon, but I wasn't in any sort of like solid healthy relationship really dating here and there. Definitely learning a lot of lessons on that journey as well. So I was like living alone, and I still was also coping with my mom and her addictions and things like that. And I started finding myself having periods of time where I would go into phases
of gardening. And I'll quickly say this, I am not really afraid of falling into any sort of deep levels of either even depression or any form of diction things like that, because I just know that I can pull myself out. I've been through so much, through so many hard times that I just I know that sometimes I'll have deeper moments in life where it's hard, but I
know I'll come out of that. So I think like sometimes when I would garden, I wasn't really afraid of like getting into any sort of unhealthy relationship with it because I was like, for the most part, still in a good place and I've done a lot of work on my mental health and things like that, so it kind of became this thing where it's just like I'm bored and there's.
Not much to do.
And I do like gardening sometimes, like I'm listen guys, like it's it's a nice, like relaxing thing sometimes, but I would always end up finding myself.
Kind of doing it a little bit longer.
Than I was anticipating or had the intention to, and then I was kind of getting.
Into these like ruts of week after week.
I kind of felt like it wasn't that I was reliant on it, but I would fall back into doing it a little bit more and like why am I even smoking? And yeah, maybe I'll just do this time. And I felt like I was doing that a lot, and then I would get into these like mood ruts because you know, it can't affect your mood, at least for me, Like I think like my mental health is very sensitive, probably just because of everything that I've gone through.
And I think with any sort of like addiction, whether it's like food or sugar or obviously like hard drugs and stuff, and I can't really speak to that completely, but that can also really start to change your neurochemistry and your brain to the point where you actually are a little bit more reliant on that or your mood
dips and things like that. So I was going into these cycles to the point where I did feel a sense of like, ugh, I don't even want to be doing this, but I'm kind of doing it anyways type of thing. And then I would pull myself out of them and then I would be fine and then back into it and things like that. And so that's like
my experience when it comes to gardening. And so after like a few phases of doing that, and I had one phase a little bit of doing that this year after I was grieving the laws to my mom and mind you have said this in a past episode, I like typically will stay absolutely like far away from any sort of anything when I am going through any sort of breakup or hard challenging thing in my life, and or like grieving anything like that, because I just know,
like it's so forefront in my mind that that would be me suppressing and I don't want to go there. And I actually just think that it makes me feel worse anyway, even when it comes to drinking. So in my life right now, I don't use any form of anything for those reasons. Typically it's the boredom and the maybe not living in alignment and not being fulfilled or maybe even suppressing things like that. But I'm just saying
that just so you guys know. So anyways, it kind of came back online a little bit though, like after it was probably springtime, and at first it was you know, an enjoyable experience. You know, I'm gonna like smoke here in there or whatever.
It's fun.
And then I got into that like ruh again and I was like, Okay, I need to address this. I don't want to be doing this anymore, and I feel
like I am really almost neglecting myself. And I came to this realization that I just like was operating as somebody who doesn't love themselves and who doesn't want more for themselves and doesn't even believe that I should have a better quality of life or equality experience, because I started to feel like I was just kind of living a low quality of life because it did impact my sleep a little bit, it did impact my work in the sense of like maybe I was kind of drained
that week if I did smoke here or there, or I was eating a little bit more food than I typically would if I wasn't smoking, things like that, And I was like, why am I doing this? Like why am I treating myself this way? When I don't deserve this? And I just want to say this like an opening, Okay, when it comes to this, like I really hope that you start to look at yourself as if you are
¶ uncovering your "why" & committing to healing journey
worthy of more of this treatment that you're giving to yourself. And listen, we're talking about like low to mid level, like high functioning type of things, right. So I feel like sometimes we don't even realize that we might be doing some form of I wouldn't say self hate, but like not treating ourselves the best when yeah, I'll smoke here and there, you know, maybe I'm drinking here and there, and like I have a little bit of a hangover, but you're like not going.
Off the walls.
But like, still, I feel like we should feel the best we've ever felt, and I just don't think that some of these habits are giving us that feeling. And I think that sometimes maybe we are lying to ourselves or we're brushing it off. But if you're watching this episode, then it probably is something that needs to be addressed.
So I want to talk about some of like the practical things that I have done personally for me to kind of move myself away from this like cycle that I was in and a big realization that I had to come to when it came to actually changing before even doing any practical tips. And I think for me, I've kind of already done this work, and I've also again I've seen this in my parents and I've really dissected this, and I also go to therapy and all
these things. And I think the first thing that we all need to come to a realization of is like there's something deeper that is going on, and you need to be very aware of why it is that you are doing this bad habit because there is a reason,
and it could be an extreme reason. You know, maybe you're running away from like all of the trauma that you have not worked on yet in your life, or you know, a really bad breakup, or you're feeling lost in life, whatever it is, or it could just simply just be burnout, or it could be boredom, or it could be you not living on purpose or being aligned anymore.
And that's kind of like where I was at.
It was kind of like all this time and you know, there was actually a few things that maybe I wasn't like on purpose with, but then there is so it's like I got all this time and this freedom, and I kind of bored. But I will say when it comes to relationships, which I'm going to talk about at the end, like I wasn't really feeling fulfilled in them.
And you know, when you don't feel fulfilled and you don't have like a full life and you're not really like on anything, you could definitely be susceptible to these habits one hundred percent, but you know, maybe you're not there and maybe it is something that's deeper. Like for me, I think about when I had my relationship with food that was not healthy at all. I was living in
a household that was not healthy for me. It was genuinely the most toxic environment that I've ever seen, and I was dealing with all of these feelings that I didn't know how to deal with when it came to my mom, and you know, seeing her take a certain path in her life, and I was young and I needed her and I was going through pivotal years.
So there were so many things.
That I didn't even know how to deal with, and so I would go to food because it was a sense of feeling like I was in control of my life. But it also helped me suppress these deep emotions that I was feeling. So whether it was sadness or loss, or frustration or anger towards my mom or even towards myself, right.
Any of those things.
If I came home from a long day after work or school or whatever, and I was eating ice cream and whatever, like that was helping me get through the moment. But underneath all that, there was a lot more going on. And you know, I've created this entire podcast channel or if you're listening on Spotify and Apple my podcast to help you really continue to dive into these things. Right, Like, this is a healing journey that you're going to.
Have to go on.
If you realize that you are suppressing, running away or masking certain things, you have to go deeper within yourself and the relationship that you have towards yourself, and why is it that you are going to these things? What are you suppressing? What are you running away from? What can't you handle? And that's okay that you can't write, but it really is like looking at these things, like what does eating or smoking or any other thing, what is that doing for you in the moment? And for me,
it definitely was, you know, taking away some boredom. And you know, I was definitely burnt out, so I didn't really want to go and do anything in my life. But then I wanted to do something, and I wanted to feel something and I wanted to feel better whatever, So then I would do.
Something like smoking.
But then the consequences of that were not consequences that I really wanted.
To deal with realistically.
It was actually in a very big contradiction to the life that I want to live, which is a very healthy lifestyle. I want to get proper sleep, I want to be productive, I want to feel clear minded, and when I'm doing certain things like that that is not in alignments at all. Same thing goes with even drinking, Like you know, I can't do these things when I'm hung over.
The next day.
And the thing is this, when we're talking about boredom or overwhelm or even like if you have social anxiety and you're going out and you're always feeling like you have to drink, or you have anger or frustration, whatever that is, those feelings, usually we go to things to help suppress that or to deal with that because we've actually never learned how to be or how to be in relation, or how to deal with loneliness or boredom
or sadness or frustration. Maybe in your childhood you weren't allowed to be angry, or you weren't allowed to be frustrated, or you were always sad, so of course you don't want to be a sad again. Or maybe you were always bored because you were a single child and you're with a parent who was a tyrant. That was me and I don't like that feeling at all. But the thing is this, we have to learn how to be with those feelings and those emotions, because if not, we
will always go back to that vice. Okay, that is really what we are doing. We are running away. We
are not comfortable with these things. So obviously it depends on your own life journey, what you might be suppressing, running away from, not comfortable with, and really showing up for yourself and committing into this relationship with yourself and saying, you know what, I am no longer going to run away from myself and these feelings when they come up, when I'm feeling overwhelmed, when I'm feeling bored, I'm going to go into that feeling. I'm gonna sit with myself.
I'm going to explore why am I so uncomfortable with these feelings right now? And why do I feel like I need something to suppress it? And is there other things that I can do which we're going to kind of talk about, but really going on that journey. Anytime I feel triggered, I like to go to a journal practice and let my feelings out let my sadness, my anger, my frustration, my annoyance with life, annoyance with parents. And obviously that's just like one little practice. You might need
to go to therapy regularly. You might need to obviously talk these things out. This is not a one and done thing. This is you getting real and you facing the things that you keep running away from. And I'll say this, it's not comfortable and it's not pretty, but you cannot only survive facing these things. But the thing is is if you don't, then your life is just going to be half asked. You're going to keep falling into these cycles. And sometimes people don't get out of
these cycles. Unfortunately, that was my parents, and I think that they had not a lot of tools to.
Deal with some of the things that they were struggling with.
And you know, if anyone has lost anyone to addiction or mental health illness or anything like that, or even your own self, this is not to bash or be like, oh, these people just weren't successful. No, it's not that. It's usually you don't have tools. You know, you're around the wrong environments, things like that. But all I'm going to say, and what I've done in my life is do your best. Try to show up, try to listen to podcasts, try and seek help, seek support, keep waking up every day
and just trying. That's all you can do. And some people, unfortunately, their lives are their lives. But if you're alive today and then maybe you can do something about it. So
¶ becoming more aware of your feelings & urges
let's talk about like all the things that I can think of that have helped me on my journey, whether it has to do with gardening or with my unhealthy relationship with food, and I honestly just think about maybe even unhealthy relationships with men, or social media or body image, just any form of like bad habit or things that do not serve me.
The one thing that is.
Very important on your journey of breaking free from these habits is really doing your best to create as much space and time and awareness about the feeling that you have before.
You want to go do that bad habit.
And sometimes we just do it automatically, right, So this is why I mean like this takes like baby steps, This takes just awareness, and that might be all you do at first. Is I'm aware of that I'm feeling uncomfortable or I'm feeling alone, or I'm feeling annoyed, or I'm feeling sad, or i hate myself right now, or i feel overwhelmed or whatever, and I'm going to go overeat or I'm gonna go do this toxic thing. And I mean, is it something we want to even accept?
Probably not.
But the truth is is usually the way you change is you first need to just be aware of the fact that you're feeling these things, and it's not gonna be like you changing overnight, but it's really important that you start becoming aware of what you're doing before you do things, instead of going through life just being so automatic with everything. Now, the next thing that is important when it comes to breaking bad habits is actually creating physical space from you and the thing that does not
serve you. And I think a lot of us we
¶ create physical space from your addiction
try and say, okay, like Monday, I'm gonna stop beinge eating or I'm not gonna smoke anymore, or I'm not gonna party anymore, this, that, and we need to be so fucking for real. Okay, that usually doesn't work, all right, so we have to take it baby steps, baby steps, baby steps.
Because also there's a part.
Of you that relies on that thing, whether you want to admit it or not. Okay, So when you have that uncomfortable feeling coming up in your life, because it's gonna come up, you know, your feelings of frustration or loneliness or boredom or whatever, when life gets messy.
You're gonna want to have that urge to go to that thing.
And if you are in a state of being like I'm never gonna have that thing. I can't touch that thing. You can't have that it's so bad.
What are you gonna do?
You're gonna think about it more, You're gonna want it more, and then you're gonna bash yourself even more when you actually do it, because you're probably gonna do it as well. And the best example that can always give is when you go on a diet and you restrict everything and you say no sugar, no carbs, no nothing. You're gonna think about that cake a hundred million times more than you would if you just leave it and it not be this thing in the forefront of your mind, being like,
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. If I do, then I'm bad, then I'm wrong, and I'm losing all my progress. And when it comes to our physical reliance on some of these things, it might take a second for us to actually kind of detox from these things.
So what I like to do is to kind of slowly back away from the bad habit.
And for instance, let's say I'm always used to smoking on the weekends. I am not going to start telling myself you're not allowed to smoke on the weekend. Maybe it's I'm gonna smoke on the Friday night or the Saturday night, but I'm not going to do three nights in a row. If that's like what I was doing, or if you do it like every night after work, maybe you're gonna pick like one night out of the week where you're going to not smoke, and every other night you're not even gonna worry about it.
You're not gonna worry about it.
And I know the part of you that's perfectional, like no, no, no, no, like I need to stop like doing it. Oh no, no, no, no no, trust me, it's gonna be easier for you to do it like this then for you to go one hundred percent balls to the walls. Now something I like to do,
¶ becoming aware of the consequences of your actions
and I've done this in terms of actually writing it out, but I'm so aware of these things because I'm always reminding myself is to create a list of the times that it's just not worth it to do this bad habit. And for me, like I always know smoking it actually like affects my sleep a lot, like I'm somebody who I cannot fall asleep.
I don't know, it just it doesn't do that for me.
So it really affects my sleep, So it's like not worth it to garden on a night where I'm done my work at like eight pm, because then it's gonna ruin my sleep, or it's not worth it when I don't have a lot of time to really enjoy it, like the same thing, you know, if it's like only two hours before I have to go to sleep because it's not worth it for me, or even when it comes to drinking, like it's not worth it for me to drink on a weekday because the next day I'm gonna have to work.
Basically, you want to be so.
Aware of the consequences of your actions. Now also you can make a list and be aware of the times that it is more worth it. And I know you guys are probably gonna be like, why would I even want to like tell myself that, right, and sorry, if you guys are watching YouTube, THEO has woken up and he has the zumis. But I think that when it comes to certain addictions like this might not work for everyone.
But I think when it comes like drinking or even smoking, this col potentially work, or even eating, there's definitely gonna be more times where it's worth it, Like maybe smoking with a friend and you guys are watching a funny show, or you're going to a comedy show where you guys are going out or staying in, like I think that that might be more worth it than you, like, you know,
just bed rotting. Or when it comes to drinking, like it's probably more worth it to go out for a girl's night than it is to have a glass of wine every single night if that's what you usually do. Or when it comes to eating, like eating out with your friends and having ice cream is a lot better than doing it and bed rotting at home. Now bringing it back to the root cause of why you do
these things. A lot of the times you won't choose to eat the ice cream with your friends or go drink with your friends because there's something else deeper that you are masking. That's why it's so important for you to know that. Okay, So here comes the part that I really needed to lock in on and really discover and work on, because this was I think my biggest problem and why I kept doing things like gardening, and that was finding things that I could replace the bed rotting,
¶ replacing your bad habits with what's best for you
the wasting my time, the gardening, all of those things was some thing that actually was serving me. And I think that that was my struggle is I didn't really have anything that I was doing, Like I would do my routines and I would be productive with work and this that, But then on the nights that I wasn't doing anything or I didn't have any work, I would resort to these things because I didn't have any real connections.
I am not saying that you need to be in a relationship.
You absolutely don't, but I wasn't like putting a lot of time or emphasis on friendships or even getting out there when it comes to dating, because that was actually something that I did want as well. I had no real commitments outside of work. I was so isolated and I was so focused on work that I was burning myself out, So then I didn't even really want to do anything. So I feel like my work life balance
was really not good. So I had to really deconstruct a lot of like my obsession with productivity and work, and I needed to have some sort of schedule in the sense of prioritizing friendship more and prioritizing things to be in place instead of me just sitting around, because I knew that if I just sat around then I would be bored, and then I would want a garden.
And this just ties into getting busy in life. And I think about all the times that I never once or never think to garden or do any sort of like even like drinking or eating.
It's always because I am doing things.
I am working, I am immersed in a activity, I am having a conversation, Like there's usually something that I am doing that makes me not think about the thing. And I feel like when my life is thriving, like right now, I don't even think about it, Like I don't think about it at all. And that has a lot to do, yes, with the healing work that I have done, and you know, knowing the consequences of my actions and creating that time and space where eventually I like want it less.
But the end of the day, it's like I'm doing stuff with my life. My life is full. My life is very full.
So I would just advise you to take a look at your structure when it comes to your work, your friendships, your relationsationships, your relationship to yourself, self care. Do we have a routine, do we have goals for ourselves? Are we working on something? And listen, you don't have to be the most productive version of you, but like, do you have one thing that you're working toward, or any sort of hobby or one friend that you can start
meeting up with and being consistent with. I feel like when you have some sort of commitment, it can definitely help you break free from this thing because you have to be for the most part, you have to be immersed in this activity or this job or this project or whatever. And even if it's only like for a few hours out of the week, and then you go back to having a boared life or a lonely life and you have nothing to do and you want to
fill your time up with doing that thing. That's fine, but again coming back to we want to keep creating as much space and time away from this thing, because your mental and your physical body will slowly be able to not only detox from this thing, but not feel.
Like I need it.
It's this reliance I'm not gonna live without it, which leads me into having a life life and goals and things that you do that are in opposition of the bad habit.
And this really comes down to thinking.
About the quality of life that you actually deserve and maybe you've kind of been sleeping on yourself.
Like.
You deserve to be well. You deserve to have mental clarity. You deserve to have proper sleep and to be hydrated. Your body deserves that. Your body is a temple. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have your mood stable. You deserve to be experiencing life and being able to dream and to work towards goals and be productive in society. This is what you are here to do. You are
not here to live a half assed life. You are not here to be on autopilot and bedrot and waste your time away and feel bad about yourself.
You don't deserve that.
So this is really about having a lifestyle change, right, Like, who do you want to be? How do you want to live this life? What are the habits? What are the identity shifts that you need to make to live a different And the more times that I have commitments, whether it's planned with friends, or I have a workout class, or I have a goal to eat more fiber rich meals or high protein meals, or I'm surrounding myself with good people, places and things. These are all in opposition
to bad habits. And if I do these bad habits, it's going to be really hard for me to show up,
¶ your social systems are EVERYTHING
which makes my life more challenging.
And then you end up getting to.
A point where it's like, Okay, I basically have to choose because I cannot do these things half assed. Now let's move into a very big missing piece that I believe I did not know too much of when I was even healing from my relationship with food and everything, and now looking back in my life, it's like this was something I needed that I unfortunately didn't get, and that was healthy social systems and environments and relationships and connections.
And I need everyone to understand that you could do all the work on yourself, and you could have your routines and you can know all the information, and you could listen to your podcast and you can lock in. But if you are not connecting, if you are not leaning on others, if you are not working on your social systems, your environments, your relationships, you will struggle in life because we do not thrive by doing things alone. And listen, I've had to do a lot of things
alone in my life. I really didn't have much choice. I was in environments where it was toxic and people weren't healthy, and I had to grind, and I had to pay my bills, and I had to do all these things alone.
It wasn't fair. And on one hand, I'm not saying.
To not not do those things, because sometimes you have to do things alone. But I didn't know and understand the importance of how it would help my nervous system regulate when I had one friend that I could go to and maybe like have a more open conversation about the fact that I was struggling when it came to my relationship with food or even my home life, or you know, pushing myself to call my aunt or go to my grandma's house more if I needed to. I
thought I could do everything alone. I didn't want to lean on anyone, and for good reason, because I wasn't used to that. But I promise you you need people, You need community. You need to reach out to people because that will help your nervous system. That will help you get out of places where you can't possibly get out yourself. Sorry, guys, we had to take a little bit of a break because my camera died. But let's get back to connection and community and relationships. Really, when
somebody doesn't have a healthy support system. And I don't actually mean people who know everything about your situation and know your mental health status and all your struggles and every intricate detail.
Like it doesn't need to be that deep.
I just mean, like you have like one person that you have in your life that you maybe regularly talk to. You don't even need to be talking about your issues, but just talking to regularly. You know, a friend that you see on a week to week basis, and maybe you go for a walk together, or maybe you study together.
Like it doesn't need to be that deep. I feel like sometimes we are looking for these like picture perfect relationships, but just having people in my circle was very big for my healing because it takes you out of your mind.
It takes you out of your darkness.
Sometimes when you have a conversation with someone or even when you listen to a podcast right like it changes the way you think about life. It gets you out of your darkness. I think about my mom's mental health, and you know, her struggles. A lot of that I know has to do with the fact that she was dealing with the law on her own. Not only did she not know how to necessarily deal with those things, and she didn't have some of the tools that we
have now in this generation. But you know, there was a lot of loneliness.
There was a lot of dark days. There was a lot of isolation.
And when somebody isolates, and I know this because I have been in very deep levels of depression and isol.
In my life. I was not thriving. I was the worst version of me.
And I don't actually mean I was treating people bad or anything like that, but I was not healthy.
I was trying, on one hand.
To heal, but heal in isolation. I was reading the books, and I was obsessing about how I was going to change my diets or how I was going to get out of certain pain or illness and things like that. And it's not to say you don't want to do any of those things, but don't do it alone. Get outside of your house, get outside in nature, have conversations with people, look people in their eyes, go out even
to a coffee shop and work. Sometimes, go to a library and work sometimes really really really really really please try and push yourself to slowly get out of your little bubble that you've probably created, because it does take you a very long way. And realistically, we do not heal in isolation. We do not heal on our own. And you need people and you need support systems. And the more times you take those baby steps to connecting with others, your social circles will start.
To grow more.
And on that note, it really is so important that you do your best and this can take years, okay, guys, but it is important that you try to get rid of those toxic people, places, and things as much as
you possibly can. And I think about when I was trying to heal and get out and be successful in my life, like my earlier twenties, I had to distance myself from my mom sometimes, and I had to distance myself from people who were like friendships, like old friendship where they were just partying and they were drinking and they weren't doing much with their lives. They didn't have any goals for themselves. It's no shade to these people.
Everyone's struggling with their own things. But your environments are really feeding you, know, your mind and your body and your addiction and pushing you to go to certain things and pushing you over the edge sometimes, so you know it's not your fault.
Sometimes when you have.
That urge to go to your vice when you're in a toxic environment at work or at home. And I know things can't just change in a you know, flip of a dime. But for me, I think about even the workplaces that I was unhappy in or the financial stress that I was under, I was like, Okay, you know what, these things are making me hate my life more and making me want to suppress more and want
to do more bad habits and escape. But I don't want to be like this, and I don't want my life to go this way and I can't and it's making my life worse by doing certain vices. So I'm going to have to face these things, these uncomfortable feelings, and I'm going to have a plan to work myself out of these places. So I'm going to focus on
my goals. I want to focus on my dream life or my dream job, or my dream relationship or whatever the case is, and I'm going to do what I need to do to get myself out of that.
And that took some years, guys.
And I think sometimes we're waiting for Like I'm not saying like everyone is like this, but I think sometimes generation we've been so you know, taught that like things can happen an instant, and you know, if.
Anything is hard, then don't do it.
And this that, and I'm all for giving yourself rest and being loving to yourself. You know all of that, and we're going to talk about that next. But sometimes life requires you to lock in and let go of those people, places, and things that are constantly feeding into your addiction and choose your self. And that could be simply even just consuming certain content online. Like I remember the days where I was going through the toughest days of my life, when I was in a bad environment
with my mom and the addictions that was around me. Guys, I was so on routine and I don't mean like the dieting and fitness part of me.
I was really still struggling with that. But I was sleeping as best as I could.
And mind you, people were coming in and out of my home that I was living in, and it was not safe. I basically always called a trap house because that's basically what it was. And I'm only saying that because my circumstances weren't perfect and I did the best that I could with what I had, so I would try my best to get sleep. It wasn't great, but I tried my best. I would wake up in the mornings and I would do gratitude less and I would listen to podcasts every single morning. I would try my
best to get outside the house. I picked up as many shifts as I possibly could to make money so that I can pay off some debt. And I just kept doing that, and I kept saying no as much as I could to people, places and things that did not serve me. Did I still go out and party sometimes, Yes?
I did.
Did I hate myself after it, Yes, I did, because I was so anal about some of the things that I was doing that I you know, sometimes it didn't need to be that deep.
But whatever doesn't really matter.
I just did my best to lock in and really surround myself with people who had shared interest and honestly, there was not many people, so I listened to a lot of podcasts. I was like educating myself on a lot of things. I was reading books and whatever. But again I was doing a lot of that in isolation.
So if I could like give my old version of me advice or my younger self advice, it would definitely be go talk to and actually be in community, in connection with people who maybe like there's a girl in your class in college, you know, have more conversations with her, or put in a little bit more effort and push yourself even though I know you want to do everything alone to meet up with a friend once a week and you guys, maybe go to get a coffee or go to a smoothie place or do a workout together
instead of like only thinking that the only thing you can do socially with a friend is like go to the club, Like, don't do that anymore. And what I would do is I would just like try not to go to the clubs. But then I wouldn't replace it with something that might be more beneficial to me, which was that connection and in community. I think that that
would have taken me a longer way. And obviously in my life right now, I have beautiful connections and friendships and I'm in a really healthy relationship and I'm just in a such better place mentally, physically, emotionally because I've
done all these things. But another huge thing that people miss, and this is a US and I have learned and I'm always preaching this and this will get you the way okay, Like this will get you all the way out of bad habits and unhealthy relationships with things is understanding that this is a process and you're going to
¶ learning to unconditionally love yourself & this journey
mess up and you're not going to be perfect, and you need to release that control and that perfectionist part of you that always want to believe it's possible to do everything one hundred percent and all or nothing and cold turkey and like you're just going to be perfect and it's just never going to happen again, and you're
not going to have any mess ups. You need to have unconditional love with yourself, for the version of you that you were before you knew any of this new information, the version of you that's going to be going through this process, and even the new version of you that's
going to inevitably make mistakes. And why that's so important is if you do not get out of your own way and pick yourself back up as quickly as you can, you're going to keep going in these same cycles, in these same ruts, and you're gonna do the same thing over and over and over again. And the way you get out of these cycles is you pick yourself back up as soon as you can. You adjust and listen.
Last week's episode is all about that. So if you not listen to that episode, then I would highly recommend to leave it down below, or you could just like check last week's episode all about getting out of ruts, and the more times you do that, you will be better at not falling so deeply into ruts, whether that's depression or you know, you going back into your binge eating or your vices or things like that, and you can pick yourself back up and you won't be doing
that anymore. Like I promise you when I say I don't binge eat anymore and I don't purge, I don't do any of that nowhere near, And I kid you not. I thought I would never be able to get out of that cycle, like genuinely, like if food was my obsession, I thought about it all the time. I thought about my body image all the time. And you know, there was definitely other times when it came to gardening that I was kind of like really like down bad with like the doing it all the time, and I was like,
is this ever gonna be a thing? But now it's amount a point where I'm like I don't even think about it, and does this mean that I'm never going to garden again.
Maybe not.
But like the more times I move through these ruts and I learn more about myself and I up level a little bit more, and I also then go deeper into my health and wellness and really cultivate a life where it's fulfilled and aligned and I'm on purpose and I have better relationships and friendships, and I put that effort in. The more I don't need it, the more
I don't even want it. And you know, I know there's cases in some senses of the matter, like let's say when it comes to gardening, where people like really feel like enlightened and they feel like they need it. That's fine, you can do that. That that can be your thing if that's what you want. But for me, that's not really what it is, at least for now in my life. But what I will say is I don't have a mindset of saying I can never do it again or expect myself to be perfect and never
like screw up quote unquote screw up. I don't even really look at it like that anymore. So when you fall back into these vices, understand it's a normal part of the process. But really become aware of why you
keep doing the things that you do. Get real with yourself, have a relationship towards yourself, which means having your journal, practice speaking to yourself every night before you go to bed, speaking to yourself in the morning, holding yourself more accountable with friends, or investing in therapy, or investing in yourself in any sense of the matter. It's going to be important that you do that, and you keep showing up
and forgive yourself over and over. And lastly, before we go, I found a little Pinterest quote or an Instagram quote that I think is really good to remind all of us, and it says society's obsession with constant self improvement has fooled us into thinking that healing means never getting triggered again or no longer being impacted by or painful pass But respectfully, as a trained trauma therapist, that is not healing.
That is perfectionism disguised as healing. And on one hand, it's not to be like, oh, we're doomed, We're always going to go back to being triggered. No, it's that life will trigger you and things will come up, but it's how we respond, okay, And we can learn to respond differently, better, stronger, faster. We can pick ourselves up better and faster than we did previously.
And within these things.
By the way, there's a lot of wisdom and there's lessons we can learn. Why am I feeling like I need to do these things? Maybe I'm not aligned in my life right now? Right Like I come back to when I move downtown Toronto, I had all this free time, and what am I doing with my life? You know, it actually did call me to go a little bit deeper. Where do I want to spend my time? Who would I want to be spending my time with? These are
really good things, This is important things. Even when it comes to relationships, well, maybe the relationships that you're in are not serving you anymore. So maybe it's actually about let's transform my social circles. Or maybe these interests are not really like interesting me anymore, and maybe I need to find new hobbies or falling into new workouts or
new routines or new wellness things like. There's so much information that our bodies and our minds and our souls are trying to tell us, but instead we get mad at ourselves. We don't ask these questions and then instead we try to block off the noise and we go and suppress, which again we don't want to hate ourselves
for doing this. This is a natural process, Like we're trying to keep ourselves safe, but we need to learn how to create safety within ourselves, and the way that we do that is no longer running away from ourselves.
So with that.
Said, I hope this episode helped in any way. You know, addictions is so much deeper than this episode. Okay, I just want to say that, Like I said, I have seen really complex, really deep, really real addictions in my life where it did lead to ruining lives, seeing people completely change, even outside of parents. It's like I seen other people that I grew up with. They either lost
their lives or they lost themselves. They lost their respect for themselves, they lost their jobs, money, relationships, everything.
It's real.
It is much deeper, like I said, than this episode alone. But I'm just speaking off of my experience, and I just think for anyone who is going through it, you're
not alone. A lot of people, by the way, have mid low high levels of any sort of addiction or vice whatever you want to call it, whether it's money, gambling, sex even there's a lot of people who struggle with that, or unhealthy relationships with just people in general, like constantly going back to toxic things or things that are not good for you, or caffeine addictions, food addiction, all of these things.
Right, So you're really not alone.
And I think a part of living a good life is having the courage to face these things and really going out there world and trying your best to give yourself some of those resources, meaning you know, reaching out to people, listening to podcasts, no longer giving yourself excuses about healing and doing the best that you can with what you have and grinding and putting in that work and going through those uncomfortable feelings. And I think a
lot of us can do it. And that's what we're actually doing right now if you're listening to this podcast. So I'm proud of you, guys. I'm proud of myself. I'm really happy in my life. I feel like, you know, I've changed so much in my life that many people won't even really see unless I speak about it. But even then, only I can really see.
That that progress.
So I just am saying that I'm speaking from experience and things can get a lot better. And if you have a story of you getting through any sort of vice, whether you're making progress, whether it's a little or a lot, or you've gotten completely out of something, or you're still struggling, whatever it is, please leave it in the comments because I think that it will help strengthen this community and coming back to connection in the community. This is why
I keep showing up with you guys. I am here with you guys, and you have a lot of people in this community that maybe you will never see physically, but just know we have this collective community and we're really doing this together, and I think it's helpful when we get comments on YouTube or even Spotify, Apple, all those things. And one last thing, you can follow me and Instagram Lee shag Googin if you want to keep
up with my stories and stuff. I just post health, wellness, all that kind of stuff what I'm getting up to. So yeah, I'll see you guys and the next one.
Bye.