202. the guilt of evolving: shedding identities, outgrowing people & wanting MORE from life 🎙

my shoulder if you're watching on YouTube. If you ever wanted to know what those Roman numerals were, it was June first for his birthday. But anyways, Happy June. Like, we're here, summer, it's coming, Summer's basically here. Today is actually kind of like a gloomy day. So I'm just like in a little comfy, you know, casual sweater here and we're just vibing. We're chilling, and I want to discuss something, Okay, I want to talk about something because

I feel like I've been experiencing this. And then I asked you guys in the community tab, and you guys seem to be wanting an episode on this. So the other day I was watching one of my favorite influencers and she's what somebody some people would call like basic,

that girl wellness influencer. You know, there's a lot of people who will be like ah, like they don't provide much value and they're really privileged and this that, and I get all those arguments, you know, I get it, But sometimes you just have that person that you just are influenced by and you just love their lifestyle, like you love to watch their vlogs, you love to see

their beautiful life, like whatever. And I'm in an era of my life right now where I'm just really allowing myself to live the life that i want, letting go of things that are not in alignment, and you know, not being so strict on myself when it comes to routines. Not like I'm not taking care of myself. I'm actually in the best place mentally, physically everything and with habits. I feel like I'm not sabotaging, I'm not resisting things. And it's all because I am not forcing, I am

not pushing myself. I'm not having so much discipline on myself. So anyways, I'm just like in that era right now, and part of that era is just letting myself do what i want in the mornings. And I've had a really good routine when it comes to my morning routines. I'm doing a little bit of fasting in sync with my cycle, which I'm probably gonna talk about on my YouTube channel, and so sometimes in the morning I'm having my coffee whatever. I'm just like vibing in the mornings.

And if I'm when I'm in a really good mood or in really good alignment and I'm just happy with my life, I find myself leaning towards those people or watching those people, like you know, an influencer who's like taking care of her wellness and she cares about her beauty and her fashion, or I'm on Pinterest more and I'm like caring about these things that maybe I wasn't worried about so much when I was in survival mode or a different season in my life, and when I

was getting excited to like watch her vlog and just like sit and have my coffee, there's a part of me that was like feeling guilty about that and just being like, why are you doing this? And it was less about oh, you're wasting time, but more about like this is not what you should be doing, Like you should be like I don't know, like working on yourself or doing something harder, or you know, this identity of

like things need to be hard. And when I was exploring where that was coming from, I just got to this point where it's like, no, Like I'm gonna allow myself to want more for myself and to be happy and to really let my old identities go and shed old versions of me and allow myself to outgrow different versions or habits or things that I no longer are interested in, and allow myself to want more and to

be interested in new things. And I think there's many other areas of my life right now where I feel like I am outgrowing people, places, and things, and I am needing to step more into that unapologetic era of being like you can have whatever it is that you want in your life, Like we don't need to always be in this constant cycle and identity of somebody who

has to heal or healing or fixing. And I think a lot of you guys might be going through this too, because I think a lot of you are on this journey with me, and we've done so much healing, and there's always going to be things that we need to do when it comes to healing, and old wounds will come up, and maybe we get anxious here and there, or you know, we get into these controlling mindsets again and whatever. But I feel like for the most part, we're kind of exiting, at least right now in my

life this phase. I'm really really exiting this identity of having to heal, and I'm more moving into this identity of evolution and expansion and really just thinking about how do I want to live my life outside of the things that we're maybe holding me back or the things that I was healing from. And sometimes I think that we can stay stuck in that identity of needing to heal or being broken or being depressed or being sad

because we've been in it for so long. But when we are going through this phase, sometimes it feels a little bit scary, and we might even tell ourselves that we're not allowed to or we feel guilty if we are wanting things, whether it is more you know, money, abundant success, material things, or we're caring more about our beauty or getting our nails done. Again, or you know, like having a social life all these things because maybe

we haven't in the past. But it's really because this new version of us is in contradiction to the old identity, the old version of us that is in that identity of needing to heal and feeling like everything needs to be hard, et cetera. And so what I have been basically just telling myself when I'm witnessing myself kind of feel guilty for like wanting the things that I want, is that, for one, it's just in contradiction with this

version of me that I've been for so long. So it kind of makes sense why it just doesn't feel comfortable, like anything new is going to feel uncomfortable. But it's really just remembering that we are allowed to have more, And isn't the whole point of why we've been doing healing work is so that we can have more and

expand and involve in the first place. And I think it's really just about reminding yourself in the moments that you find like, oh, you're feeling guilty about wanting more, or you're staying small, or you feel bad about you know, stepping into this new version of yourself, and maybe you're judging yourself and being like, oh, I shouldn't want this or this, that it's all really just that voice that is coming from that place that wants to keep you there and believes that you need to stay in this

depressed state or that life needs to be hard, and it really does not. And I shared a Pinterest quote in the community tab and this is where like I got some of your responses and stuff, and the quote says, you're allowed to get up one day and just decide to change who you are. Dress definitely, speak up more, laugh out loud, even though you've never liked your laugh say what you want to say hey to people you

wouldn't normally get that confidence going. We don't have to stay the way people see us out of fear that they won't like us the way that we want to be. And I think we forget that when it is time to shed old versions of you and identities and habits

or interests or anything. It might be hard, and it feels hard sometimes because we are aware of maybe what other people will think of us, but also we might just be internally judging ourselves and seeing how we are different, and it is going to feel a little bit weird, and so what I think we really need to remind ourselves is that in this phase, it's so important that we lean more on the joy of discovering our new interests or our new life, or expanding into a new

version of us, instead of focusing solely on the fear that will come out of even people recognizing that we are changing, or just this blind trust that sometimes you might need to have within yourself and your dream life that you can have more and that you will have

more in your life. And within that community tab post, there was a lot of feedback and some of you guys were saying, like, Yeah, I totally relate, like I am stepping out of survival mode, I am wanting more for my life, but I'm also feeling like I'm behind because I haven't been taking care of myself or I

wasn't focusing on these things. Also, there was a few of you who were expressing this loneliness that is now a part of your reality because you do want to shift identities and you want to evolve and you want more for your life, or just the idea that there are people who will not benefit from you changing, and you struggle with people pleasing and actually allowing yourself and giving yourself permission to go towards the life of your dreams.

And this is the thing. Growth will always, unfortunately have this small or sometimes big feeling experience of loneliness at times, because you are going to be jumping timelines in a way, you know, jumping identity, switching identities however you want to

look at it. And there are gonna be a lot of people who no longer resonate, no longer want to do the things that you want to do, or maybe there's nobody in your current life that is representing some of the joy that you're feeling when I like, let's say, for when I'm like watching this vlogger who just excites me for whatever reason, Like maybe I don't have certain friends that are doing the same thing, But that doesn't mean I shouldn't want that and I shouldn't go towards that.

And something I like to tell myself is that I am allowed to outgrow people or identities or shared experiences with those around me who are used to experiencing life in its smallness and who are used to experiencing life in hardship and struggle. But that might mean I might have to distance, I might have to outgrow, I might have to create space, But that's okay. And I'm not a bad person because I want more for my life. And you guys aren't bad people because you want more

for your life. And honestly, you just have to think about the truth of who you are and why you came to be here, and if you believe in God or the universe, I think this is easier for you to see when you believe in something outside of yourself. Is like, we're here to expand and evolve. You're not here to constantly suffer and just be small in life. So although it might hurt, although it might be uncomfortable, to let go of people, places in things, and outgrow identities,

it's what is required in your life. You have to let go of the small mindedness of you know, some of the people that you might be around, or just the identity that you just specifically might be living in. When it comes to just being depressed or sad or healing, like, you have to let go of these things. You have

to allow yourself to evolve. It's not just about healing, but with that there might be a season of your life where things feel a little bit uncomfortable, a little lonely, or you might even be misunderstood, but that is not a reason for you to stay in this identity. Now, I have a few journal prompts to give you, guys. I haven't given you guys a few in a while, and they will be in the description if you're listening

to the podcast on audio. But this can just be helpful for you to really maybe do like a session, like a journal session, to think about the person you want to be, letting go of the old versions that don't serve you, and really kind of just setting that energetic intention for this season you know now that it's June as well, instead of just going back and forth of feeling guilty or just staying in guilt or staying in this people pleasing tendency, or feeling bad for wanting

to evolve and things like that. So the first one is what version of myself am I currently outgrowing? And for me, it's definitely this version of myself who is constantly feeling like she has to micromanage and control and pre plan every outcome and the girl who doesn't know how to go with the flow. And I have really been working on that in the past few months, and I am a completely new person when it comes to that identity, Like I honestly don't even really identify with

that too much anymore. Another version of myself that I am wanting to outgrow is the person that feels guilty for wanting the things that she wants, regardless of what it is. Like, we don't need to find ways to constantly justify why we want the things that we want if it's like not something that takes a lot of hard work, or you know, just the joys in life.

You know, you want a happy, healthy relationship, or you want to go out for a girl's night, or you want to care more about your appearance, or you want a little bit more money so that you can buy cute outfits, or you know, you actually just want your social media pages to be filled with things that inspire you instead of people complaining about the world and problems and things that we need to fix and things we need to heal, Like it's okay to want a peaceful life,

Like it's actually okay. So I'm really really just outgrowing that. And I just think when it comes to all of us who you know, you guys who listen to this podcast and me myself, like we've done so much healing. We've done the hardship, we've done the depressive episodes, we've done the self sabotaging. And this is not to mean that we'll never again like go back into healing phases and things won't come up, but like it's okay to like take a break from things and to want a peaceful,

enjoyable life and to laugh and to have fun. And I always think like my experience as a child was very like looking at everyone else and understanding that it's okay for them to have what they have, whether it's abundance or you know, money or great experiences and this that. But like for me, I'm not allowed or I can't have that. And that's just really from the experiences that I've had or the things that were given or not

given to me from my upbringing in childhood. And I just try and remind myself when I see other people who are having clearly a great time in their lives where they're having healthy relationships, just fun time with their girlfriends or you know, you know, caring about their health and wellness and just doing all the things that are just like luxury living whatever it is, you know, And I look at them and I'm just like, yeah, like they're allowed to have that, but why am I not?

I remind myself, this is just like an old childhood patterning, Like I have been taught that I need to work so incredibly hard to the point where I'm exhausted in my life and things come really hard, and I'm not allowed to have happiness or peace in my life. And that's just bullshit. And I've worked out of a lot of that, but I can definitely still see sometimes where that shows up, and for instant like when I'm watching that one influencer, like she has a pretty good, amazing life,

but why can't I have that too? And I think a lot of people who are like advocates, who are really like aware and tapped in, we always have this like me too, Like we always have this reasoning as to why it gets to be easy for them enough for us, like, oh, well, you know this person like grew up with easier childhood experiences, or you know they're from this culture or that and that, and it doesn't mean that none of those things don't play a role.

And that's fine, But for me personally, I do think I have created a lot more hardship than need be and that's simply just from the idea that I'm not allowed to have good things and things need to be hard in my life and it doesn't need to be that.

And when I remove that mindset and I remind myself that I am just as worthy as everyone else to have a peaceful life, a happy life, a happy relationship, a healthy relationship, good things in my life, for work to be easy, for work to be aligned, all these things.

When I really let go of a lot of that programming, my life has and it continues to become a reflection of those people where I look and I feel into like whatever it is that I'm feeling into when I'm watching their lives, like the peace and the serenity and the abundance that I actually deeply want. And that first does come from me believing and telling myself that it is possible and I'm allowed to have that life. And the last journal prompt is who am I ready to

step into fully and unapologetically. I think this is really good to have somebody maybe you look up to, because you can kind of have a reference. I'm not saying to ever try and be somebody you are not, because obviously you can never actually be that person you look up to because they are them and you are you. But of course you might pick up qualities or traits or the way that they move through life from what you can see. You know, obviously, don't believe absolutely everything

online or whatever. If you're looking at somebody who you don't maybe know, but it could also be somebody in real life, you know, like who's that person that might have really positive energy or really good mindset on things, or maybe they don't stress as much, or they are really successful at the job that they do, or the habits that they live by. It is okay to want something different for yourself and for you to change and evolve.

And I want to say this a good sign to know that life, God, the universe, whatever is calling for you to change. Is you have that energetic pull or you have that desire, or you have that joy in something and you can't stop thinking about it, or you keep going back to it, or you just feel so good when you're doing that thing. And it could be

as simple as what I was saying. You know, in my mornings, I'm just like craving, just like watching a certain type of logger or a certain type of topic, or I'm interested in this one thing, or every time that I'm not super controlling on myself, I feel like there's so much ease and flow in my life, and I end up being more motivated to do the things that I know are good for myself versus doing all

these things that don't feel good. Like anything that feels good energetically that you want to do more is a really good indicator that you should go in that direction. And there's a difference between that, you know, going the direction of what makes you feel good and things like self sabotaging behaviors, because you know, sometimes I think that people can be like, well, eating a bunch of junk

food makes me feel good. It's like that makes you feel good for one second, and then you feel a guilt and shame and then you go into a spiral and you feel like shit about yourself afterwards, you know, or that unhealthy relationship, it gives you that like quick dopamine kick for a second and then you're like crashing down. I'm not talking about those habits. I'm talking about those small or big things that really just make you feel

so good and I think it's a journey. It's a huge unlearning and it's a thing that you need to slow down with in order to even figure out what you want and what feels good to you. But that first starts with following that intuition, following that feeling, and

letting yourself go in that direction. It's all about permission, really and truly, you are the one that is either going to keep yourself stuck in that little jail cell, and it's understandable why you have beliefs and you have ideas of why you think you should always say in this jail cell, or it's going to be you allowing

yourself to break free. And I think the way that you allow yourself to break free and to give yourself permission is to see what you were doing and how your life is is when you're not, you know, you're probably really unhappy doing the same things that you keep

telling yourself that you need to do. Or you're staying in friendships that do not serve you, or you're doing everything for everyone else and look at how that's depleting you, or you're just constantly dreading the next day because you keep telling yourself you do all these things that you don't want to do. And I know there's a lot of things that we still need to do in our

lives that maybe they're not super in alignment. But there's so many other things in our lives that we can do, small little steps and ways that we can free ourselves and give ourselves more permission. And actually, if somebody had DMed me and I had posted that I was at the spa, I haven't gone to the spawn like so long to get a facial, and she said, loving that you're sharing this. I got so motivated to get my nails done when you posted that you got your nails done,

and it felt like permission. Got engaged that same week, so was so grateful I went, even though I never go, which first of all, congratulations, like love that we love

getting engaged over here. But this is what I mean, Like even something as small as lending yoursel, like get your nails done because you want to get them done, but you feel like guilty or you shouldn't do it or this that, And I obviously know it depends on if you have money or whatever, but just those small things that you just constantly keep telling yourself, like no, it's not worth it or shouldn't do it, or no, I should be working on this that, or everything needs

to be hard, or I shouldn't worry about that because it's not important. Like sometimes those things are important because it makes you feel good about your life. So if that's what makes you feel good, then go do more of what makes you feel good. And when you do more of what makes you feel good, you open up these portals, okay, and you think about the God, the universe, whatever, these like portals of just abundance. You're just attracting good people,

places and things. Why Because you're in a good mood, you're moving in the flow of life, You're getting out when you should be out, and maybe you're gonna meet that one person. You're gonna go here, there, everywhere, or you know, you have an idea that you're really excited to do when it comes to content. I'm saying that because that's just you know, that's my life when it comes to content, and you know that video hits the right people, the right audience, and it changes people's lives.

And then I'm doing more of the work that I really am passionate about, versus doing things that I'm not passionate about like, there's so much good that will come out of you going in the direction of what makes you feel good. So stop trying to keep yourself small and you know, negotiating yourself out of the things that

make you feel good. Okay, I know we can do it, and it's just it's not necessary, and it's not necessary because we stay stuck and we don't grow, and we don't evolve, and we are unhappy and what is the point.

What's the point of life? Then? If we're constantly just going to be stuck in this constant end of things need to be hard and life needs to be depressing, and we're never gonna do anything that makes us feel lit up, and we're braiding ourselves and making ourselves feel guilty about the fact that we want to get things done like our nails or our hair. It's just not needed. And a Pitchus quote that I really liked says, so many doors will open for you when you decide it's

okay to start over. And I think it's really just solidifying to God, to the universe, whatever that you know what. I'm putting up my hands and I'm letting go of this old version of me and I'm willing to start over, and I'm willing to step into a new version of me. And there's another quote that I really liked, and it says starting over is a luxury, not a burden. So do not be afraid, do not think it's the wrong decision to start over, to step into a new version

of you. Any day of the week, you can just be like, you know what, I don't want to be this person who stresses all the time. I don't want to be this person who feels that life needs to be super hard. I want to take care of myself in ways that I wasn't before. I know that there's more capacity that I can have in my life to live a more fulfilling life, which means, yeah, there's going to be things that are not quote unquote the most productive or the most hard thing in life. And that's

okay to have and to want in our lives. That's all I'm gonna say about the topic. I just feel like I kind of wanted to ran on that for a bit, and you know, just let you guys know that that's what I'm experiencing as well, is really just dropping this guilt and reminding myself that I'm allowed to have the life that I want. And you know it's only me, it's me versus me, really, and every time I go in the direction of joy, the things that make me feel happy and light me up, I always

get the best results. Anyways, So why not just continue the best that I can week after week to allow myself to have more of a fulfilling and happy life. Also, if you're watching on YouTube, we have mister Theo. He is so big and cute and loving and I love him so much. So anyways, with that said, let me know if you resonate, let me know if you want me to expand on anything further. I think the overall message here is really just give yourself that permission. Just

be unapologetic, like, just allow yourself to want more. You know other people have way more and they allow themselves to have way more, So why not let that be you? Okay, And we don't need this story as to why we can't or we shouldn't know, and just keeping yourself stuck and you don't need to be stuck anymore, you don't need to be depressed anymore. You're allowed to let yourself

be happy. There's gonna be other phases of your life where you can go back into your depressive whole, or like life needs to be super hard if that's what you want, but like why you know, Like we've suffered enough, just let yourself live. Anyways, I'll see you guys in the next one. Bye.