200. it's time to set yourself free from generational trauma & exit survival mode ❤️‍🩹

this is my two hundredth episode of the podcast. And if you watch on YouTube, just know that my podcast is available on Spotify, Apple like wherever you listen to your audio podcasts. And there's about fifty ish to sixty episodes that are not on YouTube because I originally started my podcast not on YouTube, just in case you want more content Healing, Inner child Work, shadow Work. They're old episodes. Okay, we have evolved. It's been a few years since I

started my podcast, but they're there. But I do want

to say thank you guys so much for being along on this ride with me. Whether you've been here from the beginning or you just joined the community. I'm so excited to be glowing up and healing with you guys. And with that said, I've really been trying to lean into the community tab here on YouTube and posting quotes and just reminders to you guys anytime that I feel like I want to share something, share a message and really just pour into you guys, because I think it's

important and it really motivates me. And I want to read to you a quote that I posted the other day and a little message that I said which really inspired me to talk about setting yourself free from your generational trauma, the things that were handed to you in your past, so that you can live a better, more free life, because I just believe that unfortunately, sometimes we get handed a deck of cards that might not have served us, might have really set us back in a

lot of ways, but it doesn't mean that we can't transform these cards and up level them and change our lives and really let go of the things that don't need to be ours to hold on to. And if you are new here, I have been through a lot in my life when it comes to trauma and my upbringing. I had parents who were addicts. They both passed away. And when you come from an upbringing where parents were addicts or they were struggling, like financially we didn't come

from money or anything like that as well. Unfortunately, there is other things that will affect you as a child developing, you know, not having consistency when it comes to parenting, or you know, emotional on availability when it comes to a certain parent, financial instability, and then chronic illness that can come as a result of living in fight or

flight for so many years. There's so many things that I have been through, and I'm not even saying this to get any sort of pity, and I actually do believe that there are many people who have it ten times the worse. I see some of your guys's comments, and you know, you guys have really been through it as well. But I say all that to say, like, I have gone through so much in my life, and it was because there's been so much generational trauma in

my family line, both sides. You know, my parents' upbringings were very difficult, and there was a lot of addiction and abuse and you know, just shitty circumstances like a lot of us. And I could have really fallen victim to that lifestyle that I was living, and I was able to prevail and I was able to change how I experienced my life, and there was a lot of trials and tribulations and a lot of lessons that I had to learn, but I got out of it and

I'm still working through these things. I do think my twenties was really all about unlearning all of the shit that was put on me and all the things that I had to go through, and I'm still healing from a lot of these things. But I really just want to share with you guys some of the mindset shifts and some of the things that have helped me when it comes to breaking free from this. And I say all this because I do see a lot of people hurting.

I see a lot of people talking about the struggles that they are currently living in or they have been because of their upbringing, because of generational trauma. At the end of the day, like you didn't just come out of the womb like wanting to be in fight or flight, or there might have been traumatic things that have happened to you. But in my personal opinion, I think that we can take a lot of agency over our lives.

But I do think it does take other people speaking about these topics to show you that it is possible. So again that's going to be what the episode is about. But I do want to read this quote that I shared with you guys on the community tab, and it says, I hope you will walk on this journey knowing that you belong. I hope even if things sometimes don't go your way, you will not stop trying. You will not give up on yourself, and on your toughest days, I

hope you will keep reminding yourself of this. You are loved and you are worthy, even when it doesn't feel that way. And I believe I resonated with this quote a lot, because when you come from generational trauma, when you come from shitty upbringings, when you come from lack of love and consistency, whatever it is, you have this sense of believing that good things don't get to happen to you, or good things haven't happened to you, So

why would you believe that? Or you aren't lovable, or everyone else gets love or financial stability but you don't, And everything needs to be a struggle, and it's really hard sometimes to believe when good things come into your life that you belong, or you are deserving, or you are loved. But on that same coin, we are constantly striving for that we want that, we deeply want love

and connection and abundance and safety. That's what we're constantly trying to seek, even if we've told ourselves we don't deserve it. We're constantly on that pursuit. And what I wrote on the community tab was I think many of us struggle with feeling like we belong and are worthy of good things when coming from many years of living and experiencing the opposite. But please try to remember that you no longer need to hold onto your past conditioning.

You are allowed to believe and claim a life filled with happiness, belonging, and real love, even if it feels like imposterish. It's okay if it feels like that at first.

Let it be that until it isn't. And I think the first step of really breaking free from the old life that is really keeping you stuck is understanding that you still are living out these beliefs and this trauma, essentially, whether it's constantly expecting struggle or believing that life has to be really hard, or believing that you're unworthy of love or relationships friendships, believing that you can't you're not good enough, you don't know how to sabotaging the good

things that do come into your life, or second guessing it or waiting for that ball to drop and just not actually believing that this could be your life, or even settling for less. I think we do that a lot in life because we weren't handed a lot, so we're just going to kind of take what we get, whether that's relationships or money, opportunities, careers, friendships, even treatment

from other people, just everything. And if you feel like your life is kind of lackluster, if you feel like you don't have good friendships or relationships, or you feel like you're stuck in your life, it is important to see how you're probably playing out certain patterns or playing out beliefs that you have kept all of your life based off of your past, which is bleeding into your future,

which is bleeding into your current life circumstance. And it's not your fault that these things happen, but it is to see how when you believe that you only deserve half assed love, you're only going to ever see that, recognize that, and accept that. And for instance, with me, I took a different path than both of my parents when I saw what I saw in my childhood even into my teenage years, I basically did the opposite. I

became very hyper responsible. I had to be. There was many things that my parents weren't doing or showing up for, and of course they were also just doing the best that they could. There were many things that my parents did that were great, especially my mother, like she was

such a loving mother. But at the end of the day, I saw that there was many things that I just didn't want to do or be and I made the best decisions that I could as I was growing up, even into my twenties, but that didn't take away the fact that I was still living out trauma that was basically from their decisions, and you know, down the line of my family when my parents weren't showing up, I went into hyper responsibility, hyper independent, but so much so

that I isolated myself. I didn't rely on people. I didn't build real community or friendship, which is what I deserved and which is what I needed. Anyways, you can't do everything alone. I moved super heavily into fight or flight that I ended up getting a lot of chronic illness. I was always worrying about things. I was always stressed about things, and that was taking a toll on my body, my nervous system, my mindset, the decisions that I was making in my life, and what really allowed me to

move out of this generational trauma, these generational shitty circumstances, was to take a deep look at all the things that I have been through in my life and release it and let it go. And I had to do this over and over again every season of my life.

Every time that I saw that I was going into a new habit self sabotaging in some sort of way or accepting the bare minimum, I had to track it back to the things that I was given in childhood, and most of the time it was my past and the things that I was grown up around and the limited perspective that I had just based off of how I grew up. But the thing is with letting go of your past, not only are you going to have

to do that over and over again. It's not just like one day you just let go of everything, like things can come up again. But letting go also does mean accepting and acknowledging that you were handed shitty cards, which can hurt and can create a lot of feelings of you know, just sadness to begin with. But it also means that you might have to do some forgiveness when it comes to parents or people or situations that

were in your past. And I think that many people don't want to do that because it's like, why why I forgive people who hurt me or put me through really hard things? And obviously, to each their own right,

everyone's experience is different. But what I learned about letting go and you know, moving on, it was energetic release and it was giving myself permission to live a better life and to understand that I am not condoning and saying that what my parents did was right or what these circumstances were were things that can just like go unscathe. It's not even that, but it's just to see how I am no longer going to keep myself locked in

this jail cell of someone else's decisions. And yes, have I made decisions in my life that were basically like my own. I'm not ever going to always like blame my parents or blame society whatever. We have to take ownership of some of the things that we have decided to do or be your act in our lives. But at the end of the day, it's like, I'm not going to I don't deserve and you guys don't deserve to keep holding trauma, keep holding the darkness that is

not yours. And I think about this when it comes to my mom. A lot of you guys know, maybe some of you guys don't. She passed away in December of last year, so it hasn't been that many months. And I just know deep down that my mom would not be at peace right now in heaven knowing that I'm still down here carrying the weight of her mistakes,

her decisions, her trauma. She would not want that. And I think sometimes it can be hard to think that your parents actually wouldn't want that for you, if they're still here and they're still hurting you, or you know, they have gone through things in their lives with you and maybe they haven't even apologized. You know, everyone's situations are different, But I genuinely think at the end of the day, on a soul level, we aren't here to hurt each other. And so if you can just understand

that hurt people do hurt people. And I think about this when it comes to my dad. He was so emotionally unavailable and he honestly, like, let's just call a spadas baby fuck me up a lot, okay. And I know he knew that as well before he passed, and I just know that he also wouldn't be at peace knowing that I'm carrying this, And unfortunately, it's gonna be up to me to put in that work and put in those reps of healing, of doing certain things that will allow me to heal and let these things go.

It's not going to be an easy process and it's not fair. But what I'm not going to do is live the rest of my life believing that I'm not enough, living out these traumas, self sabotaging, doing shitty behaviors, all because I am coping with shit that was never even mine to carry in the first place. Now, there's many ways that you can let go and release and move on. Like I said, there's many seasons of life where you're

going to need to do that. And one of the things that I have always done is done a journal practice where I just call it emotional releasing, right, really just writing out the anger, the frustration, the sadness, the disappointment that you might have towards parents or caregivers, whoever right, or people that hurt you in your past, whether it was lovers or things in school systems, or just writing

out how things aren't fair in life in general. You know, I'm not saying that we have to pretend that things are not it's shitty in life, but to really let those feelings out can be therapeutic, of course, and can really allow you to not keep holding on to these beliefs and these thoughts and this anger, this frustration to the point where that could even be held in your body.

And a lot of our pain that we physically feel in our body is tends to have an emotional connection, and a lot of that is resentment and anger and frustration and sadness and really not allowing ourselves to have a voice. But at the end of the day, if you want to set yourself free, you're going to have to allow yourself to let go of the past and understand that that does not need to be yours anymore. That deck of cards, it doesn't need to be yours anymore. Now,

this leads me in to the third thing that I always think about, and I really switched out of this mindset very young. I did this mainly because this mindset wasn't going to keep me alive. It wasn't it wasn't going to help me progress in life. I just realize that very early on, and that is the mentality. And I think a lot of people get up in arms about this because people argue, well, maybe I was a victim, and who is to say that? You know, I'm not allowed to say that I am a victim. And this

is what I think about the victim mentality. You're allowed to be the victim, and everyone is a victim and in some sense, and you know, it doesn't mean that you haven't been hurt in your past and all these things, but you don't need to be the victim anymore moving forward. And if you are constantly going to be in the identity of I'm a victim and the world is against me, or people did this on purpose, even if they did, it's not going to allow you to live a free life.

So instead of thinking why me, start thinking about what now? What can I do moving forward in my future life? Like how do I want to live my life? How do I want to give myself permission to want more from life and take back my power? Your power might have been taken away in many aspects. My power was taken away in so many ways in my life life, and it wasn't fair. But I am not going to continue to live my life being that victim. Now, I want to read a few quotes that I found on

pinterest in regards to the victim mentality. One says self pity is a psychological state of mind of an individual and perceived adverse situation who has not yet accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor the ability to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's belief that they are the victims of events and is therefore deserving of condolence. And this is what I'll say

about self pity. I know it gets a bad rap, and even the victim mentality, it's a sensitive topic, and for sure, everyone has their own situations and circumstances, so I'm not speaking on everyone's circumstance. But what I have found is when I learned to find ways to accept the circumstances for what they are, I can better move out of them and I can actually allow myself to be free and live a more enjoyable life. I had to accept the fact that I had the parents that

I had. I had to accept the fact that I didn't come money. I had to accept the fact that I had chronic illness, that I needed to look inwards in and really go on a deep healing journey on in order to get out of these things. And I found many other times where I was that victim, and that's okay. You go through those seasons of life, for sure, it's normal. I actually do think it's normal to let yourself kind of be in that, you know, whether you want to call it self pity or whatever you want

to call it. But I found the way that I ended up getting out of all these crappy circumstances was accepting what my life was and being like, Okay, you know what, this is really crappy, but I'm going to take control over my life now because other people had control over it and they didn't do the best job. And also, are there lessons or is there wisdom in some of these stories that I have lived out that can help me on my journey of life and expand

And sometimes there's not a reason. There's not a lesson if you don't want any wisdom out of these shitty circumstances. And you don't need to. It doesn't always need to be that, but that's kind of how I look at some of the things that I have been through in my life. I also found another one that says, my season to be the victim is over. I did my time. I've put myself through enough pain. I've woken up countless times in this victim mindset, relinquishing my peace and my

power day after day after day. I'm done. I've graduated. Nothing have to do now but to be the victor. And I just love the end of that quote, like, Becolm the victor. Okay, Becolm the person who takes agency over your life now. And what you will realize in this life is that's the only other option that you really have, so you might as well do it as quickly as you can. And what I mean quickly, I

mean obviously you don't rush the healing process. But the quicker that you can accept these things, the quicker you can have a better life, which leads me into life

after realizing you no longer want to live out generational trauma, you see the things that you have gone through and you're ready to move in a different way, and that really comes down to a lot of reparenting and thinking about the life that you want to give yourself and building on that and working to that. And I think that this is what this podcast is about, what my YouTube channel is about. You know, like, of course, yes, we're doing the healing work when we get triggered and

things come up, there's always gonna be that. But then there's this opposite side where it's like, how do I want to create my dream life? What do I want for myself? What I want for myself in my twenties and my thirties. You know, who I want to be dating, what type of love do I want? What do I want for my career? How much money do I want

to make? How do I want to change my beliefs about what I can make when it comes to money, or what I can have in love or friendships, all of these things, Like you should be getting excited for this new life because it is yours now. I found another quote on Pitches that I liked, and it says, a good sign that you're healing is when you recognize dysfunctional behavior and realize it is not your job to

fix it, explain it, or even entertain it. And I think that this can be subject to every circumstance in your life. Right when you realize, you know what, I'm not going to respond to this. Actually, you know what, I'm not going to take the bare minium anymore. Actually, you know what. I have these limiting beliefs, and I know they're limiting. So I'm gonna work on this. I'm gonna do a general practice, I'm gonna go to therapy. I'm going to work on myself because I know that

this is the old version of me. These are beliefs and patterns and habits and life that was placed onto me that I no longer want to take ownership of. And that is when you know you are moving out of that generational trauma. And that leads me into understanding

that there will always be work to be done on yourself when it comes to healing. And don't even be afraid of that, because everyone needs to do it, even people who aren't doing healing work. Or you think that they might have not come from a hard life the way that you have. Maybe that's true, but at the end of the day, there are many people who go throughout this world who struggle because they do not show up for themselves and they do not do this work,

and deep down they internally do struggle. And so the reason why I'm saying that is because I feel like sometimes it feels like I don't want to do healing

work and I don't want to work on myself. But it's just a part of the process, and you don't always need to be working on yourself, but you are going to be a better person for it, and you are going to allow yourself so much more abundance and just a beautiful life if you continue to show up, whether you're going to therapy, whether you're creating better communities, you're creating better friendships, you're doing that inner child work,

you're regulating your nervous system, you're reading books, you're listening to podcasts, whatever it is. Just go on this journey. Understand it's a part of life, and always remind yourself that you can have more, and you are taking the steps to have more. And healing is an evolution, it's an unfolding. Don't wait for the day that you're perfectly healed or you're perfect or whatever. There's a lot that you can decide to have right now in terms of

happiness and gratitude and appreciation for life. And I know it can be hard, but I think about the hardest times that I have been through when I was actively getting traumatized, seriously actively getting traumatized in my life and I still and this wasn't even coping. Well maybe it technically was, but it was like I was not aware of what was happening, but I was actively being appreciative with life, you know, being grateful for the things that

I did have. I knew that there was a lot of things in my life that were not good and I didn't want in my life, but I was still focusing on the things that were going well, and I was taking those steps to heal and to work on myself and to see, you know what, I see what's going on over here when it comes to my family situation or the things that I was grown up in, or what's around my environment or these people, places and things,

and I'm not really interested in that. So I'm going to go on this journey of glowing up and working on myself and giving myself a better life than that.

And this is where I am at today. And that is all because I made those decisions and I decided to get out of that victim mentality, understand that this is a part of life, unfortunately, and a part of my life journey is going through these hard times and using these hard times and alchemizing it and allowing it to drive me forward and align me to where I'm supposed to be. And I don't exactly know where I'm supposed to be, but I know I'm supposed to be

right here on the podcast. And I wouldn't be here on the podcast if it wasn't for me going through the things that I am going through. And anytime I have hard days, anytime that I feel myself going back into, you know, those traum responses and this that I just remind myself that this is just a response based off of my past. This is not who I came here

to be, and this is not who I am. Even if I do respond sometimes out of like fight or flight, or I am controlling, or i am worried or I'm stressed, I pull on those things that ground me, whether it is going to therapy regularly, getting out in nature, journaling, getting my mind right with podcasts, letting myself cry, release, letting myself have those bad days, speaking to myself as nicely and as kindly as I possibly can, and just going on with my days, with my weeks, and focusing

on the things that I do want to create in my life, and having goals and having a vision for my life. And just understand that you did not come out of the womb with limiting beliefs, with self hate, with trauma. You didn't. Unfortunately these things happened. But just try your best to remind yourself that you are worthy of a better life. You are worthy of so many more things. And anytime you doubt that, just understand it

is the old version of you. It is what you were taught, that you aren't good enough, that you can't have this, that everyone here, this is just how life is. It's not. It is not, but it's going to be up to you for you to show yourself it's possible to have a new life by listening to people who

are speaking positively in your ears. For you to get up and work even if you don't want to work, you know, paying off your bills and getting yourself out of debt, and you know, surrounding yourself with good people, places and things, working through yourself sabotage and getting out of those bad habits that you know do not serve you, and those are the things that are just keeping you

stuck in the old version of you. Okay, sorry, guys, I'm pretty sure my microphone just completely turned off, so I don't even know if this is recording on the microphone, so it might just be a YouTube sound today, So sorry about that. And I also don't really remember what I was saying, but I hope this episode helped in

some sort of way. I just think that it is time that we really work on setting ourselves free, and you do that over and over again by reminding yourself that this is not meant for you, This life is not meant for you. You're meant to do so much more, and you can do more. And if you are here right now, then you have made it this far and give yourself permission to claim a better life, claim a life of abundance and love and support. But is again going to be up to you to take those steps

and change your mindset around these things. So please let me know if you want me to expand on anything that I've talked about in this episode. I do have my one on one coaching if you're interested, I'll have it in the description down below. I also have my Inner Child Discovery General prompt guides that are digital, same with heel To Manifest Abundance Mindset, all that good stuff. I'll be linked down below, same with my book which is on my shelf here at the Ultimate Globe Guide.

So everything that you need will be down below, And of course I'll be here a week after week showing up and helping you on your healing journey. So with that said, I hope you guys enjoyed and I'll see you in the next one. Bye.