192. from anxious-avoidant to secure 🤍 lessons in releasing dysfunctional love & embracing vulnerability.

I want our Soulful Sunday episode to kind of be like last week, where there's a specific topic and a specific theme. But of course I'm gonna give you guys some really good prompts if you relate to today's topic.

And there's two reasons why I wanted to make this episode. One, I had asked you guys on YouTube the community tab, what you guys are working through, what's been coming up for you guys, what topics and advice do you need as I'm always usually doing and on Instagram as well, and I got a few comments where people were at ask can you talk about falling in love with your own life? No longer needing male attention to feel happy? Throughout the day. Can you talk on working from anxious

to secure attachment? Can you also talk about loving someone and letting yourself be loved in a healthy way and releasing fear of intimacy and working towards a secure attachment style. And when I read those comments, I'm like, we are just We're Are we twins? Are we sisters? Are we living the same life? Because listen, in my life right now,

this is a theme that is coming up. So I said, you know what, We're going to talk about this because I feel like some of my best episodes are ones where I can really blush out some of the things that I've been experiencing and learning. And that is kind of why I like the soulful Sunday episodes. And I don't really think that I've talked about the fear of intimacy and diving deep into that. So I have worked

on my attachment style for many years. Of course, I'm thirty at the end of this year, so I've dated, I've had relationships, I've reflected, I've seen the patterns that I have gotten into with men. And when I'm talking about relationships, I'm just going to be saying men or a man, guy, you can switch it up if you don't identify or you date people who are not men. I'm just saying these things because that's my experience. I got a comment to another comment the other day being

like can you not say man? Or like not everyone dates men. It's like, I understand that. I understand that, but I'm not going to police myself with using one hundred disclaimers and trying to include every single possible experience for everyone based off of who they're dating. I'm just speaking on experience, that is all. But I have learned a lot of things on the journey of love essentially, and I came up with four truths quote unquote truths.

I guess my truths that I want to bring to you guys that might help you really move from anxious to secure, but also just to allow love in and to maybe look at your current love life a little differently and hopefully you can find some clarity because we will also have general problems. So let's start with the

first truth that I became very aware of on my journey of becoming secure and working on myself. And quick disclaimer, I am not perfect. I am not like one hundred percent securely attached things like that, And I'll let you know my experience as well throughout the episode. But the first truth is this, you never needed to work as hard for love as you have. Many of us have learned that love is dysfunctional, that love is inconsistent, that

love is anxiety. Written relationships, I should say, actually, I'll probably use those interchangeb but let's use relationships intimate relationships. And when a secure person relationship good things come to you, it feels not normal, it doesn't feel real. It feels like this is not meant for you. Sometimes you'll sabotage, you won't believe it, or you will push it away. But what's helped me be in more secure attachments with other people is to understand that fact that I grew

up being taught that relationships are dysfunctional for me. My father, he was very emotionally disconnected with me. There was no real bond that I had with him, and he taught me to suppress, He taught me to be quiet, and he really just taught me that my needs don't matter, my feelings won't matter. My heart the one that wants love, it doesn't matter. You don't get that, And so I

really locked that part up within me. And I was also very uncomfortable with a lot of my emotions as I grew up, because I learned that they're not good. They're bad, and I don't know how to deal with them, and I shouldn't because if I do, if I am emotional, if I do try to love let's say my father, or if I express myself, there's gonna be punishment. There's gonna be a no, there's gonna be a slap on the wrist, there's gonna be rejection. But also with my mom,

it was also dysfunctional. I learned to be okay with inconsistency and saying one thing but doing another and being really anxiety riddin me because nothing was consistent. There was not a lot that was consistent in my life. And so when I only see and experience these types of relationships and these patterns, when I go in my adulthood life, I can't even recognize something that is secure or good. Even if I do, it feels really insecure in a way,

and I'll try and push it away. But even before that, what's happened for me is I just never even was able to recognize it. I never even believed that I should have more than what was given to me, Like I couldn't even see that. It wasn't even shown anywhere in my life. So when somebody would come into my life and they would be giving me half assed, bare minimum inconsistency, in my subconscious mind, that's normal. That's love,

that's relationships. Okay, this is just you know, this feels pretty similar to the relationships that I had in my past, like your first relationships, your attachment styles I should say, with your parents, caregivers, and then usually like your friends and you know more people around you. They really do shape what you expect and what you believe you even deserve, whether you know it or not. And what I mean by you don't have to work as hard for love.

When you think about being fearful or being anxious, that takes a lot of mental work. It really does. When you're anxious, it's almost like you're constantly on You're trying to control things. You're trying to wonder what you need to do to make sure that this person stays consistent, or you're worrying even when it comes to being avoidant. Although you might not be dealing with your emotions it's

still painful. It's still very exhausting to go back and forth sometimes with somebody where it's almost like you kind of know that this is what you want, but then you're feeling uncomfortable, like it is very exhausting and you are basically like trying too much, trying really really hard, and love should feel a lot easier. I'm not saying that it should be perfect and it should just be

like roses and you know, butterflies. But I just found myself throughout my adulthood life that I was trying too hard, Like I was either trying to get somebody to see me or want me, or I would try to be understanding as to why this person wasn't showing up. And

this is what I mean by working hard. Even though I learned that my emotions weren't safe to be expressed, and or I understood that my mom wasn't consistent things like that, there would still be something subconsciously within me that would still try and hope and pray that they would love me, or they would show up or they would change essentially. And so with my father, I would

be the best kid. I would be the most shy, the most timid, the most quiet, and it still wasn't enough to win his love at the end of the day, because I didn't win his love. I really didn't. Even when it came to my mom, like I was constantly just on edge, hoping and giving her the benefit of the doubt and accepting every single time that she screwed up and being like, Okay, you know what, if I accept this, then you're gonna you know, you're gonna change.

And although I learned to accept her without trying to change her, at the beginning, that's kind of what I would do. And it was all just me working so hard to get the love that I really wanted. But the thing is is, sometimes especially when you come from dysfunctional relationships, you can't change people. But it's not that you're never gonna get love and secure love and be happy.

It's just sometimes from certain people you won't. And so if you feel like love and relationships are hard right now, like the person that you're with, you just feel like you're anxious, I think fearful avoidant. We'll just like put in a different category right now, but anxious or like working really hard or waiting and wondering and trying your damnness to try and get somebody to see you and love you and want you. It shouldn't be that hard,

It really really shouldn't. You were deserving from a little baby to be unconditionally loved and to have all your needs met and to be embraced by parents or caregivers, and to have an amazing childhood and even as you grew up like we are all deserving of that. It's just unfortunately we get handed a deck of cards where mostly everyone's parents. And listen, nobody is perfect. Literally nobody is perfect, but a lot of us we don't come from that. We just didn't. We didn't get that, But

it didn't mean that you didn't deserve that. And that's what we're really seeking, right, that secure love that somebody's going to be there when we go. Like I always use this example when it comes to securely attached versus

like anxiously attached. When you are in a secure attachment, especially when you're a child, Let's say your parents is bringing you to a park and they're sitting on the bench, maybe they're talking to other parents, and you see the children at the playground and you really want to play, right, you're innate feeling is like I want to go and play and have fun and that. And so a securely a child would go run to the children and go

play and be immersed in play. But a anxious child is going to maybe second guess it, I don't know, maybe ask mom a hundred times, or can you come with me? Whatever? And that's fine, by the way, because every child is different, right, doesn't mean that you're like anxiously attached because you're shy. But this constant hesitation is constant fear. And then let's say you do go and play with the children. The whole time, you're looking back

to see if mom is still there. You're looking back to see if dad is going to leave you or not. You're looking back to see when are they coming back? Like you're you're scared, you're anxious, and that's taking you out of the present moment. And you know, that's kind of what we do a lot of the times when we're anxiously attached. You know, like when somebody is not texting you back right away, you instantly are going to what are they doing, Oh my gosh, they don't love me,

When are they coming back? This? That? And when you think about a child doing that, Like, don't you think that a child should be safe enough or feel safe enough to go run and play with friends and not worry and just know that you know they're going to be embraced when they get home or embraced when they're done playing, Like that's what we want for ourselves. So this is just something that I think about a lot

in terms of relationships and what I look for. Right, you know, I have to do the work on myself to see my patterns and to not let it play out heavily in relationships. But on the other hand, it's like, you do want to look for people who can create that safety with you, And a lot of the times we're working really hard for people who don't have the capacity to be there for whatever reason. And that leads

me to the next truth. But I do first want to give you a journal prompt and by the way, the general prompts will be in the description below, and it says, reflect on the time when you accepted less than you deserve and love what beliefs led you to stay in that situation? And like I already said, for me, I learned that relationships are dysfunctional and I don't deserve much and I shouldn't ask for much and I shouldn't expect much, and that belief system that experience definitely played

out in my love life. Now, let's go to truth

number two, which is it doesn't matter why a person is not showing up or prioritizing you or being the secure person that you desperately want them to be. What matters is that they're not. And this is another real hard truth that will save you many years. And I think we've probably all been here where you try to understand why someone isn't prioritizing you and trying to intellectualize it in your head where it doesn't hurt. Right, Okay, they love me, they just can't show up because of

this and that and the third. But I'm gonna accept it because I know that they love me and they do treat me nice when they are available, but you know,

it's still kind of bare minimum. And I just had to be real with myself a lot of the times with this dynamic that I would get into like, it doesn't really matter if this person likes you or not, right, because I feel like sometimes we're like, well, I'm the one, it's just he's he's not doing it all yet, but like he will, Like I know in my head that he likes me, or he loves me, and or it

doesn't matter. Even if the guy is just disrespecting you and just actually doesn't like you and he likes somebody else, whatever, it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, this person is not showing up consistently and basically being secure and being the person that you deserve. So we shouldn't be concerned with why. It doesn't matter why, because you sitting here trying to understand why somebody isn't showing up,

it's just you keeping yourself in the pattern. It's you playing out those patterns from childhood, and it's not going to get you anywhere. And this is how I look at it now. Security and efforts should be baseline. Consistency should be baseline. Action and reciprocation and readiness when it comes to relationship should be the standard. It just should. And if somebody is not doing that, then they are

not a good candidate. And I'm not going to sit here and put myself in a situation where I'm waiting, I'm wondering, I'm trying to understand it. I'm trying to do mental gymnastics to make it seem like, Okay, this is not as bad as I know. And so if you find yourself in these situations, then here's a prompt for you. Imagine someone who sees security, effort, consistency, and

reciprocation as non negotiable in love. Now look at the people that you are currently allowing in your life and ask yourself, would that person with high standards accept these people into their lives? Why or why not? And I know sometimes it can be hard with this because a lot of times we are not surrounded by people who have those standards. I think this generation is definitely struggling

with having healthy standards in relationships. Either they're completely skewed and like based off of people clearly never being in relationships, or they're just really low, like the bar is very low, and when you've not come from much like, of course, it's going to be difficult for you to believe that. But you can even think about, you know, your dream relationship, what would you want it to look like and be like?

And I can guarantee you it's going to have on that list consistency and effort and action and security and safety and just feeling safe, you know, in that relationship where you again you can go back to that playing at the playground situation and knowing that your partner is going to be there when you get back. And when it comes to being a secure person, a secure person wants to still go play and know that this person that they're with is over here and they're not going anywhere.

But they don't need that person to bet with them at all times, every second, and you should want that for yourself. In my personal opinion, when it comes to being secure, a secure person is that person that can go and do the things that they need to because they have a full life, because their life matters without always having that person holding your hand, but also wanting and expecting that the person that they're with is going

to be there now. The next truth is really just actually addressing your fear of intimacy if you know that you are feeling a little uncomfortable when you actually do have somebody who wants to come into your life and

love you. And I think that there's a lot of people who I think they don't even really fully know it, but that they are anxious and avoidant, like anxious with the wrong person who for the most part, probably triggers you into being anxious all the time, but also that caveat being you might not be able to regulate yourself or self soothe, or have your own thing going in your life, which we'll talk about in truth number four, which can make a great cocktail of being anxiously attached.

And that's what I've had to work on in my life as well. But on the deeper side of things, when you actually have somebody come in your life that is secure, it feels, like I said, it feels like, ooh, I don't know, doesn't feel right. But then you might lock up your own emotions, you might feel like you're cringey, you might just feel really uncomfortable. So if you find yourself in those patterns, definitely the time to address your

fear of intimacy. And I think for a long time I really just ignored that and it felt so hard and I didn't know really what to do with it. So I tried in some of my relationships that were more on the secure side, and when I worked through being anxious, I just kind of tried to be in a relationship with carrying my fear of intimacy. Though, like I was definitely still pushing a lot of things down or away, but I just tried to ride out that relationship. But it started to come out in ways like I

wasn't being the most authentic version of myself. I did feel like awkward in some senses when I was around somebody who was secure, because they would be wanting to come closer to me, And I was like, this feels really like a lot, And maybe I'll give you a situation that happened to me where I realized this fear of intimacy was like coming online. I was talking to

someone and he really considered me. I remember he had like taken a photo of something during the day and he followed up with me and he said, oh, like this is the thing that I was talking about when we were talking on the phone. And instantly I felt this sense of like, why does this feel so weird? Like he considered me and thought about me in his day so much so that he followed up and he did something like he just considered me. Like it's insane

that that felt so weird. But it almost it's not like the ick that everyone talks about on TikTok, but it almost kind of felt like that. So I'm going to read some things that kind of can explain that if you've ever experienced that. So the first thing is fear of genuine intimacy and vulnerability. When someone consistently shows up for you and really sees you, it forces you to confront the idea that they genuinely care. That can

be both beautiful and scary. Sometimes it triggers a subconscious fear like oh, this is real and I could actually get hurt. The quote unquote dick can be a knee jerk reaction to the discomfort of being deeply cared for. The Next thing, your nervous system isn't used to this. If you've been in situations where people were inconsistent, unavailable, or left you guessing, your brain might have associated attraction with uncertainty. When a secure person shows up and provides stability,

your system might go to weight, this is different. Do I actually like this? It's not necessarily that you don't, it's just that it feels foreign. The next point, you're processing the weight of being considered. When you realize that he thought about you, followed through, and showed consistent care, it may have triggered an internal dialogue like wow, I actually mattered to him. That level of consideration can sometimes feel overwhelming, especially if you're used to being more self

reliable or not expecting others to put in effort. It's like your brain's hitting a tiny panic button. Am I ready to receive this next point? Subconscious pattern checking. If you've ever been in dynamics where affection felt transactional, where someone's attention came with strings attached, your brain might be

scanning for a catch even when none exists. It's like an automatic defense mechanism again, something that in the past may have led to disappointment or reject And I do find when you're anxiously attached, that's typically what you're doing. You're always scanning, scanning, scanning, which of course is just exhausting.

And so when I feel this fear come up in this block, or this pushing away, or this uncomfortable feeling, I stop and just remind myself in the moments, Okay, you know what this is like the young version of me that was taught to not be comfortable with this feeling, But it's not actually the truth of who I am. So that's important because I feel like sometimes we convince ourselves that this is what we should do is push

it away because it doesn't feel good. It's like, okay, well, if it doesn't feel good, then yes, I should push this away. Like it's not right. This person's not a right fit. This just no, there's no way, Like if it doesn't feel good to me, then no, but that's not true. Like we have to remind ourselves that in the moment, Like I was taught to not feel comfortable with intimacy and you know, being vulnerable and things like that.

And instead of telling yourself, oh, I can't do this, this is not for me, and you can tell yourself, I'm exploring something new and it is okay to adjust. And I think this is very very important. You have to be so loving and so understanding and patient with the part of you that fears intimacy. You can't force yourself into it. And you also should not shame yourself

for it, okay. And I think about the young version of me again, it's pretty silly and it's sad to be mad at myself when I see myself wanting to go in the pattern of pushing love away, because that's really just my young self never knowing how to feel safe with being vulnerable. You know, there's no reason I should be mad at myself. It's sad, Actually, it's very sad.

And if I think about the young version of me that is going to learn to love again, right, learn to feel safe, then I'm going to need to give her some time. I'm going to need to really communicate also with the person that I'm with that this is kind of where I'm at. It's not about being like, here's the things that I've gone through and here's my traumas and here's my attachment style and you're gonna have

to deal with it. No, we take accountability for what we carry into relationship, but it's communication in the form of taking accountability but being real and honest. And I really do believe the person that has meant for you is going to understand that, and they're going to see that, and they're going to be patient with you as long as you're patient with yourself and as long as you're

loving with yourself. And Okay, guys, listen, this is the cutest thing I've ever read on Pinterest, and I feel like it actually fits very well with this I'm assuming it's some sort of poem from a book I don't really know where it's from, but it says this. Her walls were a lot taller than I am. I didn't climb them. I didn't knock them down, I didn't jump them. I didn't bang on them or yell out from the other side. I sat there at the foot of the tallest one. From there I spoke softly to her about

anything and everything but the obvious the walls. We laughed a lot. We traded knowledge and conversations of mutual interest. We spoke about who hurt us, how, when, and why. We share a lot about who we were and who we desperately wanted to be. One day, every now and then, I looked up only to see her peeking over the wall with that smile of hers. One day, when she peeked over to smile and looked down, I was there at the top and we were face to face. She

kissed me, and the walls crumbled. She tumbled towards the ground in love, where I stood with my feet firmly planted, only to feel my arms catch her. She was safe, she was mine, and I was hers. Okay, listen, is that not the cutest love story ever? I just can't. Okay, But listen, I want to kind of actually unpack that. So I actually want you to see how this should

be first and foremost the relationship that you have towards yourself. Okay, so thinking about the part of you that has those walls up, that's super super afraid, you being your adult self now, your highest version of yourself, whatever you want to look at yourself like, right, the person that wants to work on this attachment style and wants to work on letting love in, You're gonna be that person. You're gonna be that guy that's waiting there, and you're not

going to break. You're not going to bang down the walls. You're not going to rip them down. You're going to ask questions. You're going to be soft with yourself. You're going to understand, and you're going to give yourself time. You are going to do everything in baby steps. You're going to take action. And now I'm thinking about you being in an actual relationship with somebody who might be secure. You're going to give yourself grace and you're going to

take baby steps. Maybe in the next week you could try to express, even if it's not the most perfect, flawless words, how you feel to this person doing things like that, but also having that relationship towards yourself, because again, the part of you that does fear intimacy, it's not going to feel safe enough to bring down these walls because it right now is still stuck in a consciousness from when you were young where it wasn't okay to let your walls down because Dad said so, or mom

said so, or whoever taught you to it is said that it wasn't safe, and it's now your job as an adult to say, you know what, it's safe now. It wasn't safe back then, but it is safe now.

So we're going to go on this journey together. And the the other side of the coin is I'm going to as your higher self, speaking to the part of you that is fearful, I'm going to make sure that I protect you, and we are only going to allow ourselves to open up to people who have the capacity to that are more secure, who in this poem, yes, has the room to sit here and to be patient with you and to understand you and to want to know you and to not want to just berate those

walls and push past these things and go super fast and love bomb you and not take your time with things and not look at you like, you know, this precious flower. And if we're around somebody, if we're dating somebody, or if we're getting into these situationships with people who don't do that and who don't really value us like that, then we're not going to do that anymore. We're not going to put ourselves in these relationships. It's no wonder you are afraid half the time. It's no wonder that

you don't feel safe. You know, there's a part of you that, yes, you need to work on when it comes to allowing your self to be more vulnerable. But then there is the second part where it's like, well, maybe you're just not around people who make you feel safe enough to open up, right, So it is to see in your own life, you know, where do you fall? Maybe both That was me. I was afraid and I

didn't give myself a lot of love and compassion. I didn't look at myself like, oh, okay, you know, maybe I need a little bit more time to be more vulnerable and to open up. But on the second half, I was trying to push myself to be vulnerable with somebody who did not make me feel safe. Who would drop off the face of the earth girl, no wonder. So a prompt that you can journal on is what scares me the most about being fully seen and loved. And if I journal on that, for me, it's that

you will push it away. You will reject it. I will get in trouble, it won't be received well. It will get taken away, it will get shut down. And as soon as I say those words out loud, those are just from my childhood, because that's exactly what happened. It was taken away, it was shut down and considered, it was rejected. And it is not to say that people in your adult life will never do that. But if you are wanting to be more secure and you're wanting to let love in, you need to see how

these fears are just old fears. The person that you are meant to be with will not shut that down, will not take it for granted, will not go back and forth with it. But you need to care for yourself first, like that, Like that is the biggest thing. The way you want to be treated from somebody else is the way you need to start treating yourself first. You just stop looking for the guy or the girl or the person that's going to love you unconditionally and

show up all the time. And this is that when you don't even do it for yourself, when you don't even look at yourself like you're worthy of love, that you're deserving, or that you show up for yourself, you're inconsistent with everything, even when it comes down to your habits or your life. You just don't take care of yourself. And it's not to say that you have to be perfect and you have to fully love yourself one hundred percent.

And this that because I think that you learn how to love yourself through other people as well, but I do think a lot of it does start with you. Now.

The last truth when it comes to not needing somebody to constantly validate you and for you to always feel happy based off of if somebody is going to be in your life or not. And this comes down to just being secure again. And a question that was asked is you really do need to learn how to validate yourself and self soothe because if you do not, you

were not going to be securely attached. You're just not so two things that have helped me with this is one always reminding myself the right person for me will give me the attention and validation that I need. And listen, I'm saying this as somebody who thinks that it's very important to validate yourself and to give yourself attention. But it's okay to want validation and attention for somebody. Like, let's not pretend that that that's not what we want. Okay,

that is totally fine. We need some love from other people, so we don't need to try and convince ourselves that we never need it. But when we're thinking about that need and not want, you've got to understand that the right person will give you all of that. Okay. So if you're trying to get that and you're working hard for that, that person is not for you. It's not the right person. Your future husband, your future girlfriend, your future wife, your future whoever will be that person that

will give you all of that love. But you do need to learn to fall in love with your own life and yourself. And what I mean by that is one looking at yourself the way you want that partner of yours to look at you. You desperately want that person to compliment you and love you and see beauty in you and to value you and to see you as a gem and to take care of you and to support you. And this that you got to look at yourself like you are that gem. Then you do.

Don't worry about this person over here, worry about yourself. Still having journal practices, saying it in the mirror, constantly speaking to yourself highly, No more self deprecation, no more picking on your flaws, accepting that you are imperfect and that is totally okay. And this also means looking at yourself as interesting. You know, you are very interesting. The work you do is beauty, is amazing. I want to

know more. I care. You have to care about yourself and be interested in yourself, but also taking time for yourself. You know, do you have a routine? Are you taking care of your health and wellness? Are you working? Are you making money? Or do you have goals in your life? Do you have anything that you can do that's going to be like hobby, like you know, decompressing, Like what's your little routine? What's your rituals? Do you have friendships?

Like these are very important things to help you stay grounded, to also build confidence within yourself, like you're gonna be the most confident version of you when you are taking care of yourself, and then you have that person that you can go to and you can spend time with and that you're in love with essentially. So I actually have two proms here that you can journal on. The first one is what are the three things about yourself and your life that makes you feel a whole without

anyone's attention? And if this is hard for you to answer, then we got some work to do, baby. We don't got the work to be trying to find somebody else over here to make us love our lives. That's not gonna do it. I promise you that, and I want

you to think about it like this. Wouldn't it feel so nice for you to be so happy with yourself throughout your day and then look forward to seeing your partner and experiencing life and you being your best version of yourself while you're together, Like I think about you, know, when I'm feeling healthy and I'm feeling fit, and I'm feeling like my mood is good and my like my sleep is good, and I'm feeling myself and I'm happy and I got all my work done, and then I'm

spending time with my partner I have such a better experience Versus if I'm depleted and I didn't take care of myself, I'm going to be like anxious with my partner. I'm going to be you know, like maybe even second guessing myself or you know, not feeling confident within myself. But also when it's time to leave that person, I get to come home to my space, to my life that I love. I'm not dreading it. I'm not depressed because I'm just waiting for the next time that I

see this person. Don't you want to live a full life like that? That is how we should be living our lives. And then the last prompt is, if you were your own muse, how would you describe yourself? Write a love letter to your own essence? And this is a practice that you can do damn near every single day, and it's very important. And I do this a lot.

I work on my self concept. I write love letters to myself, you know, just pouring into myself and seeing myself through the lens of other people, but also to myself and reminding myself of the amazingness that I am. Because if you don't, you'll forget. You'll forget because you have programming for years and years and years and years of the opposite of you're not good enough. It doesn't matter what you do, You're not worthy. You need to work hard for love. It's not going to be this easy.

You can't it can't possibly be this easy. This that that is bullshit that we do not need to bring into our love life now. But it is going to be up to us to reprogram those thoughts and those beliefs. And you can do it through journaling, you can do it through meditations. You can do it through listening to people who have good beliefs, like let's stop also going on the internet and listening to people's few negative beliefs

about men or women. Let's stop doing it. I promise you it changed my life for the better when I stopped feeding into the narratives that are online. And I understand that these are real life things that are happening, but it's not the entirety of this generation. I promise you that I have so many friends who are in secure, beautiful, loving relationships or marriages. They exist, but you have to seek those out, and you have to stop seeking out the things that remind you of your past to try

and prove to you. Yep. See, this is life, this is what you get, this is what this is how men are, and this is what women are. And no, no, no, no, we're not gonna do that. And we're not gonna do that because at the end of the day, we want love. Okay, You're going to keep trying to get it, Okay, so

we might as well work on this now. So with that said, when I'm thinking about the energetic forecast for the next week in my personal life, when it comes to this, definitely the fear of intimacy parts is something that I am exploring. I'm really stopping myself and seeing when I feel this urge to push this person away and just I don't know and close off. I give myself a moment to reflect and understand that it's okay

that I'm feeling like this. It's it's you know, I'm not gonna shame myself and get mad at myself for being like this and being like, you should be better, you should be secure, you should just say how you feel and you know, be vulnerable. No, I understand why

I'm not. But also, is there one micro move or micro decision or micro even thoughts, but ideally action that I can make in this week that allows me to take one step closer to being a little bit more vulnerable by expressing one thing that I really want to say, but I'm scared because I think that it's cringing and I don't know if I should say it and that it's okay to say it. And the person that is meant for you, they're going to receive that beautifully and

they're gonna want that. And in my experience, honestly, guys, people want more of you. People want that side of you that's vulnerable. People love it. People are desperate for it. And I know it feels very awkward and scary and ichy sometimes, but for the the most part, when I have allowed myself to be more vulnerable, usually the response is I love it. I want more of it, and that's beautiful. And if you don't get that, you know what, maybe that person is not for you, and that's okay.

But at least you allowed yourself to be vulnerable. At least you allowed yourself or your inner child to finally get out of that shell, you know, get out of that box that they've been in for so long. And I think the best thing that you can do for yourself, though, being that you know protector part of you, that adult version of you, that big sister energy, is to be very selective with who you are giving your inner child's

heart too. In this life, Okay, it is very vulnerable, it is very precious, and it deserves more than what maybe your parents or the people around you gave you and held it in. You know, they didn't do the best job at holding it. And although I'm sure our caregivers, our parents did the best they did with what they have.

That's how I look at it. My dad, my mom, they tried to hold it as much as they could, and in a lot of ways they did also, you know, especially my mom, as much as she wasn't able to hold it and protect it as much as I deserved, she unconditionally loved me and she accepted me. And I take that with me and I just allow that to expand me into relationships and I leave all the rest of the shit behind. You know, I'm not going to

continue living life mad at the world. I'm not because that's not what I deserve and that's not what you guys deserve as well. So with that said, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode if you're watching on YouTube, I really just wanted to give you, guys a little bit of THEO. He is sleeping so much today, and yeah, he's very secure for the most part. Joking. He's a little bit of an anxious boy when I leave, but it's fine. I always try and teach him that I'm

not always try. I'm teaching him right now that I will always come back. Okay, I'm gonna leave, and you're gonna be sad that I'm going, but you am speaking to you. At this point. You're going to learn that it's okay to be by yourself and you have your toys and you have everything that you need and you can eat your food and I'll be right back, and then I'll always be back and it will be great and I'll give you a treat. So it takes time to learn how to be secure. So if you're like THEO,

don't worry. You will get there. Anyways. I'll see you, guys and the next one. Bye.