177. how to stop running away from yourself, and your life.

this on a Sunday. Today's episode is going to be deep and it's going to be personal because I'm going to share with you something that I've been going through and I know it will in some way resonate with you and hopefully will make you feel better about the current situation that you're in and or just the human experience of running away from yourself. So let me give you a story about why I even chose this topic for this week. If you don't know, I have ulcrative colitis,

which is a form of irritable bowel disease. It is essentially an autoimmune disease. Now, this is actually a huge part of my life, but I deal with it in different phases of my life because it's not always prominent in every season of my life. Sometimes I'll get flare up, sometimes not. I have been on different medications. I have had to go through different phases of my life of trying to manage it and work on my stress levels and my diet and so many different components that contribute

to a autoimut disease and or chronic illness. That's basically what it is. When I go through flare ups. It can be really bad. I have to go to the washroom a lot, There's a lot of urgency, there's ulcers, There's just really uncomfortable times. It gets to a point where I can't live my normal life. I either can't work, I can't see people, I can't really eat a lot,

just a lot of pain. Anyone who has any sort of stomach issues and or maybe has this or even like Crone's disease or anything similar or honestly even chronic illness, regardless of what it is, you understand the struggles that chronic illness can bring and really take you away from life. And if you guys haven't been watching my vlog channel, I have been sharing on there that I've currently been going through a flare up. I know how I have mentioned it before on the podcast, but I have been

going through a flare up. And although I am getting the right medication and I've been through this before, and I'm doing the best with diet and stress and all of these things, and also you know, looking at some of the habits that might have contributed to a flare up to bring it back up in my life. During this time of healing, there is an immense amount of having to wait, especially when you're dealing with anything physical

for your health. It sometimes takes like ten times longer than you really wish, because you don't have that much control over how quickly your body response to medication, or even if you're not on medication, just in general, how long it takes for your body to recover. And I have found through this flare up, I have been trying to run away from it, and quite frankly, I have been running away from this disease in many aspects of

my life. And mind you, it's normal to want to run away from pain or run away from something that scares you. Run away from a disease or you know, like an autoimmune thing or anything, right like, why would you want to have this be a part of your reality or a part of your health circumstance. It's hard, it can be painful, it can be confusing, it can be scary, But I find when my body needs time to heal, I tend to want to run away from

that waiting period. And when I run away from that waiting period, I actually create more suffering and more pain because I'm not actually with my body and what it actually needs. My body when I am sick, my emotional and mental health, when I am sad, it doesn't need me to run away from it in the sense of ignoring, in the sense of trying to fix. Even though fixing

is great. We want to get answers, we want to obviously do certain things to help us heal, but sometimes within that it's this form of like, I just want to fix this. I want to fix you. I want to change this situation so that I can run away from that. In between uncomfortable feeling that I am left with, which is me being left with myself, me being left with the reality of, Wow, I maybe did neglect myself

a little bit more than I thought. And this is not me, by the way, like actually blaming myself for having an autoimmune disease. And you never should for anything when it comes to chronic illness or anything. Realistically, you're a human being, but there are always things that you kind of run away from when there's something that's hard in

your life. And sometimes what happens, and this has happened with me, and it's so normal, but it's almost like I end up getting mad at my body for being sick. I get mad at my body for not getting better faster. I get mad at myself for is there something else I should have done? Or I'll just try to do the most perfect thing, the most flawless thing, so that I can get better, quicker, faster, so I can run away from this uncomfortable feeling, which again, in part that's natural,

you want to feel better. But I have found there's a lot of this rejection of self. There's a lot of not wanting to slow down and understand what my body actually needs and why my body is in this state in the first place, and what I can do in this present moment while my body is healing, because the truth is, I'm in the waiting period. The truth is you might be in a waiting period right now. Sometimes you can't do anything. Sometimes you can't change the

situation that's happening. Sometimes you are in this waiting period. And sometimes I think life really tries to show you that all it needs you to do is actually slow down and be here in the present. And sometimes that's why your body speaks to you. Sometimes that's why life speaks to you. Or you think things are crumbling, but really it's like a lesson for you to be here and be awake and be like what is going on?

Like how have I actually been very disconnected to myself or my needs and my wants, whether that's in relationships or career or lifestyle, health, all of these things. But we just look at the slowing down, the response of our bodies, the response of life as like a bad thing, as it shouldn't be happening. But really there's a lot of wisdom that can be found in this waiting period.

So I kind of want to talk about some of the things that have helped me navigate a waiting period, how to not run away from myself and what is happening in my life. So maybe you're not going through a health situation or something as similar to me, but maybe you find yourself running away from the thing that you know you need to kind of face in a way, and hopefully these tips can help. And I think that this can be helpful because this is the human experience. Guys.

You're going to have times in your life where you're in this waiting period of it's uncomfortable, it's hard, it's dreadful. You don't know when things are going to change, you don't even know the answer. What do you do? And in the moment of when you don't know, it really does count. Gone through many hard times in my life, whether it is with my UC or I've had nerve pain in my hands. I wrote that in my boat, The Ultimate Globe Guide. I have gone through other health issues.

I've gone through financial stress, mental stress, breakups, all of those things, and what makes you resilient and unfortunately, sometimes what actually allows you to get out of the period that you're in is for you to stop running away from what is now. I saw a Pinterest quote that really resonated and I shared it on Instagram, So I'm going to share it with you guys, if you're watching on YouTube or you can just listen to on audio, and it says, it's okay to be in this space,

the transition, the messy middle, the space in between. You moved on, but you haven't yet arrived. You've left behind what you needed to but the puzzle pieces haven't all yet come together. There is messiness, there is waiting, there's uncertainty. You are wanting to rush, but everything is moving slow. You are wondering if you will get to where you want to go. But where you are is perfect. The middle is for the doors to close and new doors

to open. This transition period is where things come undone so that they can get put back together. This is a season of just being, of trusting. This is a season to pause and take a breath, have love for yourself. You are exactly where you need to be now. I think the reason why it's very, very difficult for you

to actually surrender and accept and be okay with the in between, the messy, the unknown one is maybe seriously it is painful. Like I think about my own health right now. It's genuinely so painful when I have to go to the washroom or when my symptoms are flared up, like it's not a good site and it's not a good feeling. But even in the times where let's say I don't have you know, a level ten pain, but regardless, I still can't go and live my life. I have

to slow things down. I have found that's a result of me constantly living in survival mode when you have been on fight or flight, making sure you survive, making sure you are safe in any capacity. For you to embrace slowing down is so foreign to your body because you don't feel like it's safe to actually not fix anything or not look for an answer or not know the answer, because you've lived your life always seeking and

seeking and seeking. But I like to remind myself sometimes when you're constantly trying to fix and fix and fix again, it's almost like you're rejecting yourself. You're rejecting the part of you that just needs you to slow down and to heal and to breathe and to be grounded. Right now, your body, your inner child, your deepest self, doesn't need you to fix. There's nothing to even fix right now other than for you to slow it down and breathe and rest and to stop putting things on your to

do list. But you have that other part of you that's been in survival mode and it's like, no, we need to fix, you need to go, We need to go. So it's important for you to kind of see how you might have too conflicting part of you that are making your current circumstance worse than it needs to be, which is what I have seen in myself even during like this flare right now is like my flare, my ucy flare, my symptoms, my health. I look at it kind of like my inner child right now that's really sick.

And my inner child that's really sick right now does not need the part of me that is the survival mode, independent girl that wants to hit all of her goals, who wants to get everything done. She doesn't need that part of her to aid her, because that's not what's going to help her right now. She needs the motherly voice and the wisdom and the softness and the love and the calm and the just letting her be and feel and be sick right now energy. That's what she needs.

And so I think the first step when it comes to you not running away from yourself is for you to surrender, for you to get curious, and for you to lean inwards to the thing that you keep running away from. From this place of support, let's say, to your inner child, or to the part of you that is hurting right now. And that's how I like to

look at it. Right when you are not comfortable with the in between right now, there's a part of you that's hurting, okay, And so when I look at it, I don't want my inner child to be holding this pain of this disease, right I don't want her to be alone with this pain, with this stomach ache, with being afraid. And now, mind you, I will give credit where credit is due to that part of me that

is a survivor. I've tried to do the best with trying to aid my inner child by being like, Okay, let me fix it, you know, let me get the medication, let me do the proper diet, let me do all these things, which is great, but it's great to an extent.

There's gonna come a point where there's nothing I can do other than to hold my inner child's hand and be like, I'm going to go to the washing with you, and I'm going to hold your stomach while you are in pain right now, and I'm gonna let you cry if you need to, and I'm going to let you feel and I'm going to be very soft with you.

And I'm not going to try and tell you that things are even going to change, because I don't know if they're going to change, and that's not even going to change the fact that you're in pain right now. But I am not going to let you go through

this pain by yourself. And I feel like when we try to fix, fix, fix, fix, find the answers, find the answers, and hit the goals, what we are doing is telling our inner child, telling the part of us that is uncomfortable, that is in pain, that you're going to be in pain alone while I go over here and try and figure out the situation. That's not always what we need when it comes to healing. Now, I

have a little it's like this meditation mindfulness book. It's called how to Walk. I don't know how to say this author's name. This is like a monk of some sort. One of my therapists. I have two therapists, not because I think that I need two therapists, but I have one therapist where I work on she's kind of more of like a spiritual therapist. And then I have another one that's actually a health psychologists and she works closely with me when it comes to my IBD and colitis actually,

which is very supportive. And she was the one that brought this up because we have been diving into mindfulness a lot, because mindfulness is very important when it comes to the waiting period, which we'll talk about. There's a million things I'm going to get into in this episode. But she introduced me to this monk who has like all of these little pocket book mindfulness. They're like quotes and just like really deep spiritual thoughts and wisdom essentially.

And I'll link this on Amazon if you want to check him out. But she also did study with him, so that was pretty cool to hear. Anyways, she had brought this up in our session and I wanted to get this and I really wanted to bring it to you guys. So I'm going to read one of these and so this one is about running, and it says in every one of us there's a tendency to run. There's a belief that happiness is not possible here and now, so we have the tendency to run into the future

in order to look for happiness. That habit energy may have been transmitted to us by our father, our mother, or our ancestors. Running has become a habit. Even in our dreams, we continue to run and look for something. The practice of mindfulness helps us to stop running and see that everything we have been looking for is here. Many of us have been running all of our lives.

One mindful step can help us to stop running. When the mind is focused on breathing and walking, we are unifying body, speech, and mind, and we are already home. So this book is really all about just how to be more mindful in your day to day life when

it comes to walking. You know, if you unplug and you don't listen to a podcast or we don't listen to music, it is such a great practice for healing in your nervous system and to remind yourself that you are safe by being aware of like one foot in front of the other and just slowing it down and

taking nature and all of those things. But I think the deeper message here really is that, you know, we are always running from something in our lives, right, We're always distracting ourselves, We're always finding a new thing to do, We're always trying to run away from pain, which again is so normal in a way. But again, sometimes there is going to be pain, whether that is health, or you're going through grief, or there's just something that you

just don't know yet. You know, there is that waiting period. So how do we stop running? Because running away is again abandoning ourselves and making things ten times more difficult for our inner worlds. And usually what we do when we run is we ramp up our nervous systems, sustain that fight or flight, right, We try to find more information, try to intellectualize the situation again and again and again.

We don't give ourselves a second to breathe. And most likely the thing that you're running from, all it needs you to do is to not be in fight or flight. Right. When I think back to my health, when you're talking about an autoimmune disease, yes, there's a lot of aspects as to how you heal. Right, you might need medication, maybe your diet needs some more, maybe you need more sleep, maybe you need some more hydration, all of these things.

Maybe you're in a toxing environment. But at the end of the day, like your body actually just needs less things, right, less products, less supplements, less taxing on the body, less chatter in the mind, and just calm and presence and peace. So how do we shift from being in that running energy, the survival mode energy more into the healing energy, the thriving energy. Now, a few things that I'm going to talk about are related to things we tend to do

when we're running. And the thing that I do usually the most when something is distressing and uncomfortable in my life is I tend to hyper focus and try to

fix it. So instead of trying to hyper focus and fix and change constantly every single day, you're researching, you're talking to a million people, you know, you know your habits with whatever it is is right, or you're just constantly just running away and ignoring and or ignoring what I like to try and do every day, and this is a day to day thing is to acknowledge and ask myself what I need in this moment, because this

is the thing. When you're trying to run away from something that's distressing in your life, You'll wake up every day and be like, Okay, how do I fix this? Where's the answer? You look outside of yourself versus connecting back to self and saying what would feel really good and supportive to my nervous system, to my mindset, to my health, whatever it is. And so I'm going to give you an example of what I've been doing when

it comes to my ulsterraate of clitis. Instead of googling every symptom and micromanaging every single time I have this symptom or that symptom. When I feel myself wanting to do that, you know, wanting to find a new answer or wanting to check in on something, I try to recognize that that's really just my inner child right now, in pain, scared, worried. Right So, instead of me trying to go to find the answer, I like to have a little practice with myself. And this could be me

speaking to myself. It could be a journal practice. It could just me be like just for a moment, being like, ok hey, let me put everything down, and I allow myself to process those emotions, because realistically, what's happening is I'm afraid right now. You know, when you're constantly like, oh my gosh, okay, let me find this answer. You're afraid. You're not trusting, you're not trusting the process, You're scared.

And so I don't need another Google answer. I don't need to go over the symptoms one hundred times, especially when you know yourself and you know the situation at hand, right like, usually this happens a lot, and you've gone through it one hundred times before. So it's not that I need to go outside of myself. It's like, Okay, I need to process these emotions right now, and I need to allow myself to feel because I am afraid, and that's okay. That's okay that you're afraid right now.

It is tough, it's overwhelming, it's really shitty some times. It's you allow yourself to be really enraged and mad. Right Like, there's been so many times that I've gone through like a million emotions where I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at my health, I'm mad at my past, I'm mad at the fact that I've been living in fight or flight, I'm mad at everything. I'm mad at just everything. And I allow myself to feel that instead of trying to go and find another answer that's gonna

fix something which I already don't need. I don't need that. I know enough now. Another thing that I like to do is, let's say, in the mornings, and this is specific to my situation, right, but maybe this could help in some other sense. But I like to do a little bit of a body check in This is really good when you are going through a period of like

waiting healing, no answers, things like that. You can't really predict anything, right, You don't really have any answers, So you can't really tell yourself like this is how the day is gonna go, or I'm gonna do these things tomorrow. And mind you, some of that can be helpful, and it can make you feel stabilized. That's fine. Some routine can be fine. But for you to constantly dictate how you're going to feel is it's counterintuitive to the healing process.

And so I like to wake up in the morning and be like, what does my body need right now? And I'll give you example. Is it ideal for me to wake up in the morning and hydrate myself, take my medication, eat really soothing foods, do some yoga and some breath work, and do a meditation and maybe take a bath, and you know, go for a walk, do all these things. Yeah, but I don't know how my body is going to feel tomorrow. I really don't. And you know what, sometimes my body is not feeling up

for that and I just can't. But if I tell myself you need to do these things tomorrow because quote unquote it's good for your health, it creates this energy again of me actually running away from myself because I am not being with myself in the present moment. So you have to take things very, very slow. And I think about this even when you are going through something like mentally stressing, if it's like a breakup or you're really sad, you don't know how you're gonna feel tomorrow.

Like yeah, you might be like, Okay, I'm gonna go to the gym, I'm gonna start hanging out with my friends, I'm gonna get better, like I'm gonna stay off social media, I'm gonna do all these things. But then you wake up and you just like aren't feeling the best. You just aren't. So it's like, okay, ask yourself, what does your inner child really need right now? Does your inner child need you to just tell her it's gonna be okay? And we don't even need to change how we're feeling

right now? Do we allow ourselves to stay in bed one more day? Do we take some things off of our plate if we can? How do we make this day as easy and effortless as possible? How do we slow it down? How do we take something off of our plates? And you know, life is not perfect. I remember the times where, oh my gosh, I did not have the life that I had now, and I had to go into work and work when I was very

very ill. But I got to a point where I had to realize that I couldn't be that survival mode girl who could just be really strong, and I had to tell my managers that I was going through a flare up. I had to tell my teachers that I was going through like I was going through a sickness. And there's days that I could not show up. I had to get extensions on papers, I had to get extensions on things, I had to not go into work.

I ended up having to go on short term disability at one point because I was in so much pain and I wasn't able to work, and then that affected my finances. Like there was things that I had to do right, there's things that you still have to do, but it's from this place of leaning into the current circumstance that you're in and adjusting and modifying instead of trying to beat it right, like trying to fight it off.

I don't want to fight myself. I want to support myself, and sometimes that looks like slowing it down, right, And we don't want to Sometimes we don't want to accept the fact that we're going through something like a sickness. We don't want to accept the fact that we're going through a heartbreak. We don't want to accept the fact that we're going through the hardest time financially right now. But it's better for us to actually see what we need instead of run away from it because it ends

up just making it worse. Now. The next thing kind

of addresses the part of us that does want to fix, fix, fix, and support ourselves in a way. Right Again, we do not want to ever try to reject any part of us that is trying to keep us safe, because all parts of us are really trying to keep us safe, you know. But the part of us that wants to find the answers and wants to fix and wants to

move things forward, sometimes that mindset is very much. So I have to energy versus I choose to and this is how I want to live my life, and this is how I want to support myself, And this is kind of what I mean. There are things that will support my clitis. There are things like making sure that I'm hydrated and eating soothing foods and making sure that I'm getting enough rest and creating boundaries and just showing

up for myself. Like wellness is very huge for a health issue, but sometimes it can feel exhausting when I'm looking at all the wellness things that i know are good for me from this place of like I have to do the hydration and the meditation and the movement and the eating gut health friendly food from this place of having to fix and change the result of my health versus I want to show up as somebody who cares about their wellness and who wants to do these

things because this is how I want to experience and show up in life, regardless of if I have this disease or not. I don't only want to do these things to change this outcome. I want to do this because it feels good to me. It feels good to me to sleep and to have a routine. It feels good to me to hydrate myself, knowing that that helps with my digestion, that helps with my consistency in my day.

When I'm eating really beautiful, nourishing foods, that gives me energy, it supports me, it does make me feel really good but sometimes I think that we can get very caught up with like doing certain things because we know it will fix the thing, which is again not necessarily the worst thing in the world, of course, but especially when you're in the waiting period, sometimes you can kind of you can mix up the two and then it becomes overwhelming and then you don't want to do it, Like

I remember, seriously this is And of course the realization came on the toilet, because I'm like always on the toilet, like it's not too much information, it's really not, it's really not. That's my life right now. But I was on the freaking toilet and I was just so sick

of this whole situation. I was like, I'm tired of having to do with these hundred things, all of these wellness things, because this is what I do, right I'm this like perfectionist, and I know all the things that I need to do that are good for me, all of the nervous system regulation da da da dah, this

that and the third. But I was doing a lot of it from a place of trying to change my colitis and like trying to fix it and trying to heal, and I found I was getting so overwhelmed because I was having the mindset of only doing these things so

that I can change my circumstance. And then I was like, it's no wonder that I'm getting so annoyed that I almost don't want to do these things, and it's because I'm not really showing up in my life as like wanting to do these things because they feel good to me. And so anything that you are going to do to help aid you during a waiting period, because obviously a waiting period is not you literally meditating. You know, there's obviously some things that you might need to do, but

it's the energy in which you do that from. And for me, there is an aspect where I am grateful for what's going on right now because it did make me see how there was a lot of things that I was just doing just because I knew that I needed to do them, and I realized I wasn't that connected to these healthy habits in that way, and it was teetering on the doing it for the end result, and that never really sticks right, or that never really

resonates to your nervous system. It's like your nervous system your inner child. It's like it is when you're doing shit from a place of yeah, okay, I'm just gonna do this until I get that result. And this is also probably me moving into my twenty ninth year. I just really, really, actually enjoy feeling good. I do. I really like the feeling of being well rested and eating well and hydrating. And this is a result of me

going through this flare up. But this was also something that I was kind of coming to, even like the whole year of being like, I just want to feel good. I am so sick of not feeling good and or only doing things just to get that outcome. And this reminds me of when I first went on my Globe journey and I wanted to lose weight to be skinny for summer, and it was always that every single year, I only wanted to work out and I only wanted to care about my health so I could get that

end result. And I never got that end result because I only cared about doing it for that end result. And then you know, that is hard to sustain, you know, because it's not a lifestyle. You aren't picking up working out or eating well or regulating your nervous system or hanging out with the right type of people, because this is how you want to live your life. You're just doing it so you can get that end result and then you can kind of go back to living the

life that you were living. But it's like, was that life really that good? When you don't sleep well, when you are picking up toxic habits, when you're numbing out the pain, when you are just running running running running and ignoring and just suppressing, it's not really And I think sometimes you have to go through a lot of those cycles before, unfortunately you realize, you know what, I'm so sick of not feeling good. Unfortunately, at least that's

been my story. I've had many rock bottoms, and that's just how it's been for me. Hopefully, maybe that's not exactly how it is for you guys, but that's usually

how it is for me. So when it comes to whatever it is that you are doing in this moment, try to really examine your relationship with the things that you are trying to do in your life, and see how much am I doing this from this place of like just trying to do it so I can get by and so I can get out of it, versus how can I live my life right now, in the present moment, and do these things because I want to feel good now, regardless of if this is gonna change

my circumstance. And again, I know it's so hard, right because there is always going to be a part of me that, yeah, the meditation better work tonight because I'm trying to feel better in the morning. That's okay too, But realistically, I do want to feel like I'm in a meditatid state when I'm going to sleep, regardless of if I'm in pain or not, because it feels so good and it sets me up for success the next day,

whatever the benefits are. And this kind of leads me into the next thing of no longer just waiting for

that end goal and trying to find some joy in, some happiness or some peace in the process. And this is very listen when you're going through hard times talking about joy and peace and happiness in the process. Baby, I'm not finding any joy or peace when I'm on

the toilet. I promise you that anything near that, okay, But what I like to do, and this is very circumstantial, right, It depends on what you're going through, But I still do my best to try to remind myself of what is going good in this process right now, and how can I list even three things that are going well? And I'll give you an example. When I go to the washroom and there is pain, it takes a lot out of me. But what I like to say, this is just my circumstance right now, is usually what I

do is I take a bath. So, for one, I am so incredibly grateful that I can get off the toilet and go into the bath because the bath obviously helps my body recover a little bit, and it feels so therapeutic even though I'm in the worst pain ever. So I'm so grateful for that. And I'll just sit in the bathroom a moment and I'll just like breathe, and I think back to the time, Guys, I think back to the time where I was nowhere near their

life that I had. I is financially struggling. This was like I don't even know twenty seventeen, twenty eighteen, life was completely different. My mom was going through her addictions. I was living through so much trauma and stress. I was unhealthy. I had a bad relationship with food as I was going through a flare up which made things worse. I was not really aligned. I didn't have like that job that I had whatever. There was a lot of things, and I was going through a flare up and I

was in the same amount of pain. But we didn't have enough hot water, or I didn't have enough hot water in that apartment that I was in to be able to have a bath. So when I was on the toilet like, I was just in more pain. And maybe I had a heating pad or something. I don't know, but I just remember how uncomfortable I was and how much I wished I had a bath that was hot

that I could just lay in. And so I think about that time when I'm in this bath right now, and I'm you know, I'm in this bath in pain. I'm still in kind of the same situation, but I at least am not where I was before. So I

always remind myself of that. I also am incredibly grateful that I, even though I was going through so much hardship and I, you know, was living in fight or flight and in survival mode for so many years, I built a life for myself as I was going through all of that, to the point where now I don't have to call off work really because I work for myself. And now, mind you, I'm still like slowly taking some

time off work. You guys probably won't really see it too much, but you know, I have to, Like I'm not full force right now. There's definitely things that I have to adjust, but I do not have to go into work. And I think about the times where I had to go into work and or I had to call off work and I lost a lot of money by doing that, and it's not good. It creates even

more stress and more financial instability. And so I am very grateful for that, and I remind myself of that, and I think that that makes me feel the strongest I have ever felt in my life, where I go through the hardest times and I can still find some sort of light through it all. And you know, it's hard to hear somebody say that when you're going through a difficult time. I find like especially people on the internet, because it's like, well, what do you know about my situation?

Is that I don't, You know, I don't and maybe there's like barely anything that you can pull, but I've been through really hard times where there's always something there's just something and even if that situation is not what I want it to be, it's at least something like, do I really want to be so happy that I'm in a bath even though I'm in pain? Like, but the bath is like helping with my pain, not even really because it's not an enjoyable bath, but at least

it's helping me a little bit. And for me, I would rather sink into that gratitude than anything else. Now, when I'm not in excruciating pain, I like to think about, you know what, there is a lot of good that's coming out of this right There's a lot of downtime for me to think about how I want the next year to go. I was thrown into a deeper healing journey and a deeper like spiritual journey than I even thought that I was going to be from this colitis.

If I'm being honest with you, then I thought and I think that that helps me in a lot of ways, and I think it helps you guys. I can bring that to my audience and my work, and there's really just a lot of time for me to see, you know, what wasn't really working the past year, And I'm very aware what hasn't been working? What has this that? But there's something about when you are forced to slow down, you will see a lot of things that you didn't

want to see. And so whatever you're going through, that's making you maybe have to slow down, take this time to reflect. Right, I think about going through any sort of relational issues or financial issues, or you know anything, what was out of alignment? How can you step into a new authentic version of yourself when you are ready to come out of this waiting peace period? And that's something to experience and find pleasure in in a way.

And as much as yeah, I want to be out of this circumstance more than anything else because it's created a lot of pain. And that's totally fine. I know when I'm out of this, I'm not gonna be in this spiritual healing phase. I'm gonna be in a new phase. And this phase has a lot of wisdom and things that I just will not be able to access when I'm out of it. And that's fine because it'll be a new thing. But there's just wisdom that you will

only get from this phase of your life. And I need you to understand this and the reason why I want to say this too is People ask me all the time, how are you so wise? How do you have the right advice? How did you know this? D da da. Obviously there's a lot of elements that create who I am and how I show up. But there are things that I have gone through, these deep dark holes in my life, these rock bottoms, where I got

this wisdom from. It hasn't come from anything else. It didn't come from any book, It didn't come from any YouTube video. Nobody taught me this. I didn't learn it in school. I didn't learn it from my parents. I learned it from being in rock bottom, in excruciating amount of pain and not having any answers and having to be left with myself to figure it out. That's how I have some of the deepest amount of wisdom that I have. I'm not saying I'm like the most wise

person ever. I'm not, but that's where that comes from. And so there is a little bit of acknowledgment for that dark time. And I also think about this when it comes to when my father died. There was something that I experienced that nobody taught me. But there was this level of like wisdom that happened. I grew up in a way when I was sixteen years old. That just came to me because of the grief and the loss. And is that something that I wanted to ever happen?

I wish on anyone or this that, No, but only the loss of my father created that wisdom. Unfortunately, you know, there is duality, there's light and dark, and so when you find people who are really wise or they have this something or whatever, and you want that as well. Well. I mean, let's hope you don't have to go through really hard times, but everyone goes through hard times. A lot of times. It does come from those hard times. The next thing that I want to talk about is

something that I think always tends to happen for me and within other people when it comes to continuously running away from the present moment and yourself and the uncomfortable feeling of like waiting, which is all or nothing thinking. So coming back to when you're in a waiting period and you're going through something that you just can't really change.

You can't really do much, and if there is something that you can do, it's probably like the smallest amount of things that you can do, right, like for my clitis, you know, I could bely do like a ten minute meditation or like a ten minute yoga session, or like a tiny little walk, but those small things still count

and they still can be very very helpful. But sometimes my mind will be like going back to the fixing energy well, because I can't go doing my hour hawk or a walk, it doesn't count, And then I'm back in this energy of just needing it to be over and waiting for this thing to change, and then just being really on happy and miserable and not taking care of myself in the process of things. So just a reminder, Okay, when you're going through anything, small actions are worth it,

and quite frankly, that's really all your body needs. Sometimes

that's really all your mental health needs. Sometimes sorry my camera overheated, But basically, when it comes to all or nothing thinking, it can also mess up some of your healing because healing, like I said, takes ten times probably longer sometimes and I don't want to set you up for like feeling like it's gonna take forever, but sometimes it just takes way longer, Like you just don't know, especially when it comes to health, like you cannot determine

when your body wants to heal. Like we don't know, you know, and you could be supporting yourself in small little ways and it could build momentum and really be allowing yourselves to repair or your emotional health to repair, you know, all of these things. But because you're like, oh, if it's not everything, then it's nothing, it's like you keep stalling that progress because realistically, you're not gonna see progress every single second all the time, right There's gonna

be a lot of downtime. And I've had to really remind myself of that, especially with my health symptoms. You know, if I wake up and I have the same symptoms as yesterday, does that mean my medications not working in the background and repairing and taking its time. No, it definitely is. It just doesn't feel like it at the moment. So I'm not going to then go into the fixing energy and be like nothing's working. I need to figure

out that, Dada, this, that and the third. Now, obviously you need to discern for yourself, depending on what you're talking about, how long you're waiting, you want to advocate yourself. You want to obviously make sure that you're caring for yourself and you aren't leaving things unchecked and you're reaching out for support. But I feel like for a lot of us, the running awayers, the ones who don't like any form of slowing it down, we take three seconds

and then we're like, Okay, it's not working. I need to change everything about this, you know. I always think about this when it comes to even working out as well. It's like you go to the gym for a month and you're like, oh, nothing's working. I need to change the way that I'm doing my diet and my exercises, and you're going online this, that, and the third it's like, babe, it's been a month. Okay, a month. I know it

feels like forever, but it's not. And I think about how long did it take for you to get to the place that you're at right Probably longer than a month. And this is not to say it's going to take the same amount of time to reverse whatever it is are you're going through for you to get out of it. But give yourself a second, okay. And how you give

yourself a second as well is being more mindful. And this is something that I'm really practicing right now in my life right So mindfulness practices, mindfulness practices can be anything. It can be meditation. It can be eating your food, listening to jazz music instead of watching a vlog. It can be going outside not listening to any music. It can be checking with your body every morning and be like, what do I need today. But it can simply just

being taking things off of your plate. Less goals, less to do lists, less thinking in the future. Just be here in the present moment right now. If that just means you're gonna watch your favorite show and you're gonna color and that's all you're doing, and you're not being productive, so be it. And this is a reminder that you don't always have to be productive. Okay, Sometimes being unproductive is the best thing that you can do for yourself.

And that's what I've been doing. As much as I want to push, as much as I have so many things that I want to do on my to do list, I know it is not supportive of myself right now for me to hyper focus on that. And I can do a little bit of dreaming, I can do a little bit of mood boards. I can you know, think about some things, but I have to be aware when I'm doing that from a place of running away from myself.

I am allowing myself to watch shows, and I'm coloring a lot, and I'm taking a bath if I need to take a bath. I am going on a walk if I feel like I can go on my walk. I am letting myself not go on a walk and not feel like crap out myself and be like, oh, you didn't getr steps in. Oh my god, you should have gone for a walk if I can, because my stomach hurts. You know, I'm speaking to myself kindly and understanding. You know what, today's not today, Today's not your day.

You can't do it. You can't record the podcast today because it's just not your day. And that's okay, and you have to do that for yourself with whatever it is. You know what, maybe you can't go to that event because you are not well. That's okay. If you are right now, let's say struggling financially, or the thing that you are running away from is just kind of making your life a little bit of a mess. You're gonna

be okay. You're gonna figure it out. And this doesn't mean that doesn't change the fact that it might be a little bit of a mess. Right when I think about when I had to not work or when I was sick, all of those things. But I was like, you know what, it's all go. I'm gonna figure it out right now. What I need is I need to rest, I need to listen to my body. I need to adjust, I need to talk to the doctors, I need to talk to people around me. Whatever I need to do,

I need to do it. I need to honor myself. And it's not the way that I want it to be right now, and it's not perfect, and it's not on plan, but that's fine because me trying to force the plan is me rejecting myself, running away from myself and making it worse. And I'll figure it out. I'll figure out the plan when it is time. But the only plan that needs to be put in motion right now is for me to be here with myself. And

that's about it. So that's all I'm gonna talk about today on this episode, because actually my stomach is hurting and I need to go. But I want to hear in the comments, and I also want to hear like on Spotify, you guys can leave your comments what resonated from this episode and if there's any other thing that you want me to talk about, like for next week's episode, please let me know. I'm sure this is going to resonate in some sense and maybe you need to hear more.

Maybe what do you need to hear you let me know. I do have a few episodes like ideas and stuff, but you guys know, I kind of like to talk about what I'm either going through or what I feel like is the most important. And I think that this was important to talk about. So yeah, that's what I'm going through. I hope this helps in some sense. And just know that I'm with you guys, and we're gonna get through it as we always do. And that's just

season of life that we're on. And all I know is it's just going to make me a better person, you know, and sometimes it just happens when it happens. Anyways, last thing, I have my digital guides, my Abundance Mindset Healed and manif and my Inner Child Discovery Journal prompt guides. They're all digital. You can download them and you can fill them in when you download them, or you can just use them like with your own journal and like look at them and whatever. All of those guides are

on sale. I'm doing it for Black Friday, so the sale will end end of day on Monday for five dollars. They're usually ten dollars. So the information if you want will be down in the description. If you haven't gotten one yet and you want to get one, they're on sale.

Maybe something that you can do during this time. I really love to come inwards and spend time with my you know, my mental self and my mental health and you know, really reflect and do a lot of healing work in that way when it comes to these periods of my life. But not to push, not to force. It's just a natural, usually like process that happens. So maybe that's something that you want to explore, So that'll be down below. I hope you guys enjoy and I'll see you in the next one. Bye.