168. how to become a woman who deeply TRUSTS herself | confidence, decision making, reliability & MORE 🦋

how to trust yourself. So I want to give you my tips in my advice and what I have found has worked for me and what I see in others when it comes to becoming a woman who deeply trusts herself. I feel like a lot of us have struggled with this, specially women, I find, but there's men who listen to this podcast. So please take this advice and use it

as you will. But I have struggled in my life and I see you guys struggle in your lives when it comes to decision making, low confidence within yourself, when you are facing challenges in your life, not knowing how to have independence, being codependent, and I think a big one for a lot of the questions that I get

surrounding self. Trust is having a lack of consistency and like showing up for yourself, which in turn usually equates to this feeling of, oh, I don't trust myself because I never do the things that I say that I want to do. Now, something I want you to see here is you wanting to trust yourself. You wanting to be consistent, you wanting to not be anxious, not be codependent on someone, to be independent, to really just believe in yourself, and to feel like you are resilient through

hard times. What all of that really is is safety. You are looking for safety within your own self, your own life, and even in other people when you're wanting to trust them. So when you're asking the question how do I trust myself, what you're really asking, in my personal opinion is how do I feel safe within myself

and my life? So let's talk about that, and I think what will help is to see how one usually ends up trusting someone else, like someone external, like a friend or a family member or a relationship, and then we can kind of reflect that back and see how we can really apply the same ways we learn to

trust people to ourselves. And I also want to give you some of the tips that I have just learned over my journey of like things that have just helped me be somebody who deeply trusts herself and like backs herself, and a few steps at the end of this episode that you can kind of really apply moving forward to help build that trust within yourself. So when you trust someone,

you trust someone because you feel safe with them. And what makes you feel safe with a person, And let's just hypothetically, like think about if we were in a healthy sense of trusting people. What I have observed within my own relationships, which, by the way I have strow with being able to trust people in my life. I basically have summed it up into two things that I've witnessed within myself and when I'm learning to trust people, and like, what I think is important when it comes

to feeling safe and trusting someone. One way that I feel like I can trust someone is when I can be comfortable around them. And what I really mean is there's this sense of unconditional love. There's this feeling that when I'm with my friend, she is not judging me, or my mother is not judging me, or my boyfriend

is not judging me. And there's also this sense of relatability, because when you are around people who make it known that you can be yourself and they're not going to judge you, you're going to open up more, you're gonna be more authentic, and you're going to trust that it's okay to be yourself, and that really leads into you feeling safe. Now. I find the second part of what it really means to actually like know you can trust someone is that the person that you are trusting is reliable.

They are consistent in your life, They will show up when it's important, They are not running away from problems, from situations, they have the capacity to be able to hold you in certain times, etc. So when I find a person where it's very clear that they are very non judgmental, they are themselves, they are usually like authentically themselves, which is why you can probably believe that you can

be yourself around them. They're really open, They're just unconditionally loving, and they are reliable, and they're consistent and they're stable within your life and they're showing up. That is when I find I usually melt into trusting someone. And I will use the example of my best friend Joye and my mother, my best friend Joyee. I feel like I can be authentically myself. I can be authentically myself because she is herself as well. It's very non judgmental. We're

on the same page. We're just real, We're just like we're not like these people pleaser we're not these well, actually I take that back. I feel like I'm probably more of a people pleaser than she is in different aspects, but like not within our own relationship whatever. We have created this bond, which by the way, takes time, where we are just ourselves. Okay, So that is one component where I believe that I can really come to her and I can trust her and I know she's not

going to judge me. But the second half is she is very stable in my life. She is the most consistent, most stable person, somebody who is so reliable in every aspect genuinely of one's life, where I can look at her and be like, I know you will be there for me if things get tough, if I need to come to you with any of my problems, You're going to pick up the phone, You're going to be there, You're going to show up, You're going to do the things. If I have to rely on you for something. You

will be there. If I get sick, you will be there, X, Y and Z. So that is a perfect recipe for me to be able to trust someone in my life. My mother on the other hand, which I love my mom. I literally love her. There's no one that I love more than my mom. There's no other feeling that I've ever felt, maybe like with Joey, like shout out to Joeye, like love you so much. But I feel like my mom was the first person and the only person really

that taught me unconditional love. And she's just a beautiful human being. So on one hand, she has always been so accepting, so lovely to me, so like be your authentic self like I used to even when I was like in high school, Like you know when you go through the awkward stages and you just like judge yourself or you feel like, oh my boy doesn't look like this, or oh I'm not pretty enough, like she would always tell me like the opposite, being like you're beautiful like

this that she never spoke down on herself. She never talked about her weight, she never dieted, she never did any of that because she accepted herself and she looked at herself in a really good light, and obviously she didn't want me to feel like that as well. So anyways, there's at that aspect. So I just like always knew I could come to her with really anything. She always created that safe space. But unfortunately, throughout some of my

years she became unreliable in some senses. And that's just that's life. If you guys know my story, then you know people have their own things that they go through in their lives where unfortunately they're not able to show up, they're not able to be that consistent, that reliable, and in general, like I just think that not everyone is going to be the most perfect person that you can

like fully put all your trust in. Right, and even before all the chaos that had happened in our lives throughout my teens and into my twenties, like kind of like leading up to like more, around this time, she had to work a lot. There was times where she wasn't able to pick me up from school, or my dad wasn't able to pick me up from school, And when somebody is struggling with any sort of mental health or cycles, sabotage, addictions, all those things, unfortunately, there's times

where they're not reliable. So I wasn't able to fully continue that like real deep trust within her because of that component. And it's not necessarily even the worst thing, like I said, because there's just gonna be people that unfortunately it's just like that's just the name of the game.

But I just want you to see how like when I think about trusting somebody, I am going to feel like I can fully trust them if they have those two components of that unconditional accepting love but also that reliability. Like there needs to be both of those things because if not, yeah, it's great that I can come to you, but in terms of like really important things, I'm gonna be stressed out because I don't know if you're going to be able to pick up the phone when I

need you. And this is the same relationship and the same two aspects that we need to look at and adopt within our own lives when it comes to our self trust. Okay, so let's break it down kind of again, but towards ourselves. There's two components that personally, for me, make it so I can look in the mirror and I can just like sit in my consciousness and sit in like the reality of who I am and be like, no, I really trust myself, like I deeply trust myself. I

feel like I have my own back. I feel like I can navigate this world, this chaotic, crazy life that I have that's so beautiful. But I feel like I can do that. And there's two main things that really make me feel so grounded in that. And the first

thing is to accept myself. How do you accept yourself though, Because I feel like this is where a lot of you guys really struggle with And I talk about this a lot. And when I say, you, guys, yeah, I've struggled with it before, I'm so much better at this now.

Sometimes it's hard for you to accept yourself because when you feel any sort of shame, whether that be because you've let yourself down or your past or things aren't perfect in your life, you are really uncomfortable and you do not accept that part your reality to be true about you. It's almost like you have this sense of conditional love on yourself. If I show up, if I'm a good girl, if i feel like I'm measuring up against these women over here or society over here, then

I will accept myself. But on the flip side, because I don't unconditionally love myself and accept the fact that I'm a flawed human being. When I mess up, when I make a mistake, when I don't have the answer, I'm going to shame myself and be mad at myself and carry that shame with me. And I'm not going to release that. I'm not going to sink into that and accept what the reality is, which is I'm a

human being and I'm flawed. So what I have learned on my journey when it comes to self acceptance is, first I like to understand why things played out the way that they did, whether it is I made a mistake or I didn't know, or I got back into a toxic relationship, or I didn't have boundaries. By the way, let's just like skip hop and jump right back to the beginning of this. There's a reason why you don't have boundaries. There's a reason why you have an ancients attachment.

There's a reason why you keep accepting the bare minimum. This is not to mean that we're going to accept it and just like use trauma as an excuse as to like why your life is a mess. But you need to have a lot of self compassion and love for yourself and be like, let me look at why my life is like this and why I don't trust myself and why I don't even accept myself in the first place, And you'll come to find there's reasons for that.

You might have grown up in a childhood where your parents didn't teach you proper boundaries, there was no real consistent love in your life, there was a lot of judgment in your household, there was a lot of instability. So it's no wonder you don't know how to create stability in your own life. You can't get mad at yourself for that, and that's going to be the piece that you need if you really want to feel like

you deeply trust yourself. I feel like we're always looking on like the external of like, Okay, what are the three steps If I just like go to the gym more, if I like eat right, or if I like hit those goals and I'm gonna trust myself, It's like it runs way deeper than that. I promise you it runs

way deeper than that. And the way that you are even going to feel like you can accept yourself is being okay with those negative emotions, those feelings of disappointment of wow, I'm not maybe like the most perfect person, and I can understand why I'm not because I have this pattern or I have this trauma and that's okay, that is okay. How can I understand myself more, understand why I operate like this and give myself grace instead of bash myself, instead of carry the weight of this

shame that is not even really needed. And that is so huge when it comes to building real self trust. And there's actually a Pinterest quote that I saved and it says unlearned shame, all kinds of shame, abuse, unemployment, sickness, vulnerability, longing, desire, mistakes, failures. You need not be ashamed of what you are feeling or living. Freedom and shame cannot coexist. And it's really true.

You have to re lease this shame and this self hatred that you have towards the things that have happened in your life. You have to learn to let go. You have to learn to embrace it. You have to learn to accept it. And I'm not saying that's an easy task. It's really not. I understand that, but it's like the alternative is you moving through life being mad at yourself for being a human being and carrying the weight of those feelings. Sometimes you're allowed to be sick,

Sometimes you're allowed to be unemployed. Sometimes you're allowed to have made mistakes. You do not need to be ashamed

for that. You just never learned in your life how to be comfortable with those feelings of disappointment, whether it's you've disappointing someone else or someone disappointing you, or you disappointing yourself, or failure, or feeling rejection or feeling loss instead, because you didn't know how to have a relationship with those lower negative emotions, you just felt, oh my god, gosh, I shouldn't be feeling like this, and now I feel

really terrible about myself because I shouldn't be feeling like this, and then you go into this shame cycle. It's not needed. Unfortunately a lot of us, even myself, we were really not taught how to be comfortable with uncomfortable emotions and feelings.

And if you want to be somebody who deeply trusts themselves and accepts themselves, and you want to step into womanhood honestly, because that's what I really feel like it is it's really just being more comfortable with the fact that, yeah, hmm, I'm a human being, Like, damn, I don't know the answer. I am scared right now. I feel vulnerable right now. I am afraid to lose this person. I am upset at myself for not doing better, and I can see why I didn't do better, and I can extend myself grace.

But at the end of the day, all of that is what it is, which is that's what I'm feeling right now, and I don't need to try and even change that. Can I learn how to welcome it more? Can I accept more of that? Bringing it back to my mother, if I'm feeling sad or I'm feeling like, oh I'm so embarrassed I did something wrong or bad or this, that she's welcoming me. She's not also like enabling me, but she's just being like, you're a human being.

It's okay, I still love you anyways. That is the energy that you want to have with yourself, and I promise you, if you keep practicing that, you will go so much further in life. Okay. The second part of

being able to trust yourself is building real reliability within your life and I think that this is probably where you guys came to this episode for or probably an idea of what it really means to build trust. And this is going to be important when it comes to the things that you do in your own life, but also the requirements and the standards that you have with people, places, and things like outside of you as well in your life.

So I have a little bit of a list of some things that I think are important to think about when it comes to building reliability in your life. So

the first thing is no longer lying to yourself or others. This is something we do way more than we think. And when I was wanting to transform my life, one of the aspects that I was focusing on that I became really real with myself on was the fact that I would lie to myself and I would lie to

others a lot. Not in a way that was like I was like this pathological liar, but I would like say white lies, or essentially I would be a people pleaser, right, So I would say something even though I knew that I didn't really want to do it, or I wouldn't follow through with it or this that, or I would

tell myself, oh I want to hit this goal. I want to do this thing, and I would like speak it out into existence, knowing damn well that I know myself and I'm not gonna take those steps to do it or like I don't really want to do it, like without doing any like introspection. And the reason why I'm saying this is so important is because you are very aware of when you are lying to yourself and to others, even if you're not like actually conscious of it,

like you just do it automatically. It's like it's automatic thing, especially like when you're people pleasing in this that. But it's almost like you have this like young part of you, like you're inner child. You can say, who's kind of like watching you as an adult and she's watching you say that you're gonna do X, Y and Z, and then you keep not doing it, and she's like, how

many times are you gonna keep doing this? And you know what, I don't really trust you because every time you say you're gonna go to the gym, or you're gonna hang out with these people, or you make plans, knowing damn well, we know dan well in our heads, we don't want to do that. You keep doing that, and you keep failing at that and not following through with that, I'm gonna get to point and this is what happens. I'm gonna get to a point now where

I really don't trust anything that you say. And so now I'm going to judge you all the time when you go through the life. I'm just gonna like sit in the back of your head and be like, you're a liar, You're not actually serious about this, You're not actually going to do that. There's literally like an inner child. That's like watching you continuously break promises the same way you probably did when you watched a parent continue to break promises to you or didn't show up or wasn't reliable.

So it's really important that you show up for yourself in a way of just stop lying to yourself so much and stop lying to other people. And what does this really look like? It just means like, stop committing to things that you know realistically you're not going to be able to live out or you're not going to be able to follow through with. And you have to

get comfortable with being a disappointment to some people. Sometimes you have to get comfortable with the fact that, oh, people might not lock you if you if you don't show up, I don't know, like you know, it depends on what it is that you're doing. I remember I used to always like be asked by a lot of my party friends, like back in the day, especially when I got into self development to go on the weekends and this that, and I never really wanted to go, Like I knew deep down I didn't want to go.

I didn't want to drink, I don't want to rooin

my schedule and this that. But because of the people pleaser and I was like too uncomfortable to say no, I would say yes, and then by the time the week end came around, I would always come up with some stupid excuse to the point where it's just like I knew that I look like this flake and this like liar and this that, And I really could have just stopped all of that by just being real with my friends and being like, Hey, I'm not interested in going to this thing on the weekend, Hey do you

want to do something during the day on this day. Instead, I would just like wait till the last minute, and I would keep saying yes to things that I knew if I was going to be real with myself. I knew I wasn't actually down for I didn't want So that's a huge part of building real trust within yourself. And I think just being realistic with yourself when it comes to your goals and setting goals and things like that can be an example of like not lying to yourself.

You know what you're gonna accomplish during the week. If you have been not going to the gym for the past year, why do you keep telling yourself and speaking it out loud and telling all your friends about it, that you're going to the gym this week. You're going to the gym, and it's going to be five days a week when you've never gone to the gym like consistently once a week at least for like the entire year.

You know what I mean. And again, it's not to say that you don't want to have aspirations and goals, but be realistic with yourself. And I always bring the example of, like, you know how everyone says I want to start a YouTube channel, I want to start a YouTube channel. Stop talking about the YouTube channel until you do it, please stop seriously. And I had to get real with myself about that as well. I had to get real with myself about going to the gym and

eating right. I don't speak things out into existence until I actually take that action, and I just found that it has created so much more sense of confidence, trust and actual action because it's like, why am I talking about these things unless I actually do that? Me know,

next thing is to remove yourself from people who are not reliable in your life. Okay, so this is another thing that really breaks your own self trust is when you keep letting people in your life who are not reliable. And I think that this is a quick shout out to all the anxious attached girlies. On one hand, yes, you have anxious attachment because you have had some sort of trauma in your life. Clearly, you know, like the

attachment styles and this that. But it gets a point where like you have to kind of be the adult of yourself and know when to remove yourself from things that are clearly triggering you. And the reason why I'm saying anxious attachment is because a lot of the times, and obviously it depends, right, you could be in a

relationship that's really healthy and you're super anxiously attached. But I do think like you have to kind of be real with yourself and realize like when half of or more than half of your anxious attachment would be easily taken away if you just stop letting people who are very clearly not reliable in your life. Right. I feel

like we try and make situationships work. We try and make people who are in and out hot and cold, ghosting or whatever, friends who are flaky or this that in our lives, and we're like acting a lot from them, and then we're getting upset when we're super anxious and this that. But it's like you you have to protect yourself and you have to see who are the reliable people and who are not and stop surrounding yourself and trying to rely on these people who are clearly not reliable.

And I can even bring it back even to like my mom as well. I learned in my twenties, like what I can rely on her with and what I can't. And I just had to mature in that sense instead of crying about the fact that she wasn't consistent in this that do I have to warn that loss in a way? Did I have to do some deep healing work?

Did I have to like feel my feelings yes, of course all of that is true, and yes, like that's kind of like a deeper conversation, but at the end of the day, I had to be real with myself. There's just going to be people who I am no longer letting in my life or like trying to rely on them for and you have to know who those

people are and you have to remove yourself. You can get a lot of reliability and consistency in your life, but it's going to be up to you to be able to put yourself in those places around those people

if you want that. Okay. The next thing that IS's so dishonoring that you really need to stop doing is giving away your personal power and allowing other people to make decisions for you by simply always going to people to make the decision for you, or thinking that people have better answers or they do it better, or they just know more than you. Now, obviously this is really really hard for you to sometimes even discern because on one hand, like how do you learn what's good for you?

And information education, we've literally been instilled as young children to grow up looking up to people, of course, but there comes a point where you're going to have to decide whether you are going to continue to give away your personal power by asking people to validate you all the time, second guessing everything you do, assuming that everyone

knows the better answer. Understand that the more times you give up your power and wait for someone else to decide for you, or wait for someone else to make you happy, or wait for someone else to validate you you, or whatever the case is, you will never actually be able to build confidence with yourself. You literally just won't.

This could be as simple as continuously always asking your friends which photo you should post on Instagram, or it could be asking every single person about every decision that you want to make when it comes to schooling or work, because at the end of the day, most likely you're gonna end up wanting to do what you want to

do anyways. But also if you start making decisions based off of what everyone else thinks, you will never feel the sense of I decided this for myself, because you know your inner child has looked at you and witnessed that this decision was never yours. You didn't decide that, you didn't decide that you liked that Instagram photo. You allowed somebody else to decide for you. That that looks good, or you didn't actually decide to go in this career path,

you let everyone else decide that for you as well. Now, I think this is a really hard concept really to even grasp, to understand that you actually know what is best for you more than anyone else, especially when you are maturing as an adult, because you don't have any experience maybe, or you do want that validation, or you genuinely just don't feel safer within yourself. But what you will find as you grow up is no one really

knows the answer, okay. And also even if somebody has an answer, it doesn't mean that that answer is for you, that pathway is for you, that outfit is for you. Why Because everyone is operating out of their own beliefs and their own preferences and their own stories and their own needs and wants. So just because I'm doing something this way doesn't even mean that you should be doing it that way. So what do you need as a

human being? Which you will not know unless you check in with yourself and you say, where do I want to go in life? What do I want to do? What do I actually like? So creating space in your life where you can give yourself more power. You know what, I like this photo, I'm going to post it without asking one hundred people because it doesn't matter what these

people think because I like this photo. Or I want to do this little hobby on the weekend instead of going out with my friends, because I actually really want to do this thing, and I'm not going to even try and course people to come and do that with me and like it the way that I do, and if they don't like it, then that means I shouldn't like it. I'm gonna go do that for me because

that's what I want to do. Or let's say you have this deep desire to start this new side hustle or this business, or you want to do YouTube, or you want to do a podcast, you want to do something whatever, you have that desire within you for a reason. Just because somebody else doesn't have that desire, just because somebody around you doesn't have the experience or they don't know, doesn't mean that you shouldn't go and do the thing

you really want to do. Go seek out people who are doing the same things that you really want to do. Find those expanders, find people who are similar to you that validate you. In the ways that you actually want, and you will find you will become more authentically you. This does not mean that you can't have advice from people.

It doesn't mean that you're never gonna want to have validation from people, And don't mean you should always surround yourself with people who only think the same way as you. But I do find people that I've met in my life who it's very clear they do not trust themselves with anything. They tend to give themselves a lot of room to negotiate with themselves and back and forth and

being indecisive. Stop allowing yourself to be so indecisive. You have to go out in your life and be mature and say, you know what, I need to make a decision, And any decision that I make will be the right decision.

Why because it's a decision for me. And even if it doesn't pan out, and even if it's the wrong decision or I don't like the meal, or I don't like the person I started dating, or I don't like the career path that I chose, guess what I have me and I'm going to accept myself if that doesn't turn out the way that I chose it to turn out. Why Because I'm a human being and I decided to do that based off of all the information that I knew, and I am going to be fine because I am

going to show up for myself. If for some reason it's quote unquote a bad decision, there's no real even bad desis decision. You should actually get that out of your head. I think the worst decision that you can make is just doing things based off of what everyone

else is doing and not what you actually want. So stop giving yourself so much leeway when it comes to negotiating and being decisive, and you can really start small with Let's say you are somebody who never makes the decision when it comes to going out for dinner or when you're getting ready with your friends and you're switching

out fits one hundred times. Decide, decide that you look good, Decide that it's going to be fine, Decide that you're going to be comfortable, and decide that you don't need to continue to go down this road where you're constantly negotiating and being indecisive because it's really counterproductive. You're not getting anywhere by doing that. You're going to have to make a decision anyway. So you might as well just

do it now and be more sure about yourself. And also you will be more of a joy to be around with other people, and that confidence will exude to other people like friends, romantic, whatever. Because you're not so indecisive, you become an unreliable source as well to other people. When you can't be reliable and you are always indecisive yourself. Trust me. I have seen those people, and when I see them, it's not like I'm judging them because I understand,

like I really do. Sometimes I can be indecisive myself, but it's like I can't trust you because you don't know how to trust yourself and decide. And sometimes all you need to do in your life is just decide,

which actually leads me into the next thing, which is positive self talk, which is very, very very huge when it comes to building trust within yourself. And this kind

of brings it back to like deciding. Let's say you're being indecisive when an outfit and you always do that and you never know and what it looks good and you're sending your friends one hundred thousand photos and you're asking your boyfriend if you look good, and that there is a part of you that doesn't have any sort of positive self talk, because if you did, you would find any outfit would look good and you would just decide.

And again, I understand you wanting to look good, and there might be a time where you actually have to, you know, like make some decisions. You have to try on this outfit. Yes, we get that it's okay, but there is a huge correlation between people who are very indecisive and their self talk. You need to get better with speaking to yourself kindly. You should be telling yourself any outfit that I wear is going to sligh, I'm going to look beautiful half the time. It doesn't even

matter when I go out. That's not even going to be the most important thing, etc. Etc. Etc. If I'm going out to dinner, I'm gonna tell myself, no matter what past that I choose, I'm gonna enjoy it. And if I don't enjoy it, no problems, not going to be the end of the world. I'll pick something else next time. Maybe I'll have a bite of somebody else's food, maybe I'll share it with someone else, Like, it's not

the end of the world. Even when it comes to bigger decisions in our lives, whether it's career paths or you know, going for this job or whatever school this that I understand that the stakes are higher, But again, your self talk should be something as Okay, I'm going to go into this career path because X, Y and Z, I really like it, I have desire to do it. I really want to follow it. There's some fear there. I'm still afraid. I don't exactly know if this is

the right thing. I'm gonna be with myself with that, I'm a human being. It's going to be normal that I'm afraid to go and do something, but I'm still going to do it anyways. And if it doesn't pan out, if for some reason I don't like the course or I don't like the program, or something happens and something changes, you know what, I Am going to be fine. It's all gonna work out. There's gonna be a reason and a rhyme as to why these things work out in this way, and I'm going to be safe, and it's

going to be fine. The universe, God, whatever it is, has me, I have myself. I'm going to be fine. You need to start speaking to yourself like that, and that's like the basis of what it even means to really trust yourself, right, Because if you think about when you don't trust yourself, you're always in your head battling yourself back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and the internal dialogue is really, really shitty. It's not good.

So you need to practice speaking to yourself kindly. You need to practice being optimistic. You need to stop going into the negative and allowing yourself to speak it out into the universe. Okay, we understand that there might be a time and a place where that might be the wrong decision, But why do we have to complain about every second? Why do we have to tell of our friends, oh my gosh, this is what I'm afraid of and I don't think it's going to happen, and what chetes

on me? And he's probably doing this that. In the third, it's not about suppressing your emotions and your feelings. Yes, you can have a space to talk about these things, for sure, but you need to clock yourself and be honest with yourself when you are allowing yourself to continue to play out this victim narrative, because that will always

be your life. I promise you you will always have that shitty experience happen and play out and manifest and in general, even if it doesn't, you're just going to be really unhappy and you're still not going to trust yourself because that's all you let yourself do. So let's

talk about a few steps that you can take, actionable steps that you can move forward in your life with when it comes to deepening your trust. There's three things that I want you to kind of focus on, and one of them is to have a weekly goal for yourself. And this is this is going to take some you sitting down and being introspective of what really your flavor of like distrust is, Like do you lie to yourself a lot? Or do you lie to other people a lot?

Or do you keep setting unrealistic goals or do you keep asking all your friends about their opinion on things and you never like decide for yourself, Like you kind of have to see where you're kind of like doing this dishonoring behavior. And I want you to pick one thing, and I want you to practice it every week, but you can even do it for like the next week.

Practice one thing where you are going to, let's say, stop lying to yourself let's say you commit to things when you know you're not actually gonna do it every single week. I want you to stick to one promise to yourself. That could be anything to do with your health, your diet, your fitness like wellness, romantic relationships. You know, maybe you really want to stop being really dysregulated and reacting right away to anything that your partner does or

triggers you with. Maybe this week is your focus is going to be at least one time when you have one feeling like of emotional like dysregulation, you are going to first check in with yourself and do a journal practice, or you're going to call your friend, or you're going to text instead of unloading on that person and you're just going to do that one time and you're going

to just see how that goes. Or again, you're not going to commit to one hundred million things that you know you're not going to live out, or maybe you're going to practice holding a boundary just one thing and

I want you to complete it. And the reason why I'm saying like complete promise, keep is because you're really not going to build real confidence and real trust within yourself unless you actually take the action and flesh it out in your life, like actually do the thing right instead of talking about starting the podcast channel or starting the YouTube or messaging one hundred people as to how

do I start? Go on YouTube, sit down and have a little to do list of the three things that you need to start your YouTube channel, and you go and you take that action. And if you do not take that action, you are not going to talk about it again. You're not going to keep asking one hundred people how do I start? And this that when you already have your blueprint, you know what you need to do. You either do it or you don't. Now this leads

me into the second thing, which is when you find you have let yourself down or you're being an imperfect person because you are a human being. I want you to instead speaking to yourself as like, oh my god, I'm the worst, I'm shitty, I'm not accomplishing things, I don't trust myself. I want you to focus on having a practice of redirecting your thoughts aka speaking to yourself in a more positive way. Now you can do this

as a journal practice. Like let's say I don't know, you're like really ruminating on the fact that like you don't trust yourself, or there's just some sort of negative self talk. I want you to literally physically get up and go and take your journal, or you can speak this out loud. Sometimes I do this as well, which

will kind of lead into the next thing. And I want you to write a letter to yourself about how you are not wrong or bad or a flawed human being because you feel sad today because you didn't hit that goal, because you have a past of X, Y, and Z. I want you to practice being unconditional loving to yourself. Okay, because this is huge, bring it back to the two pieces that we were talking about. Reliability, which is what I just told you, having one goal

a week. But the second piece is going to be you actually accepting yourself and loving yourself through the process.

And the third thing that I want you to do now this can be weekly, monthly, bi weekly, however you want to do this. I want you to create some sort of ritual that acknowledges and uplifts the fact that you are now somebody who is building real self trust, and you are somebody who is becoming more confident, and you are somebody who has hit certain milestones and certain goals. When it comes to let's say, self trust or anything

in your life. I think celebration is so incredibly important for anyone who is trying to make real change in their lives, and I think that we kind of like put it to the side and we stop really highlighting the fact that we are actually really check changing and growing. And the reason why I'm saying this also is, you know, we actually do a lot of positive habits in our lives that could build a lot more self trust, but

we don't spend time to really acknowledge it. We don't sit down every week and say, you know what, this week, I literally did this today. By the way, before I got on the podcast, I said, and I spoke this out into existence. So when I meet a ritual, this could be journaling. This could be you just talking to yourself. I live by myself, so I'm always talking to myself. It could be like you acknowledging it with a friend, or you like taking yourself on a date, like celebrating

it that way. You can do whatever you want. Okay, whatever you want. But I was saying to myself, like, Alicia, you did such a good job this week. You showed up consistently with your morning routines. Lately, I've been waking up at like six ams. Definitely go check my main channel if you want more motivation when it comes to waking up early and like healthy lifestyle. But I was hitting all my goals when it came to getting the

proper sleep. I was doing all of my work. I did studying, I saw clients, I saw my friends, I saw so many people in my life. I went to therapy, I created space for disconnecting. I did so many steps this week. I really just like pushed through a lot of things. And I don't even just mean like it was like a hard week, like push through, but like whatever,

I did so many things. And the reason why I'm saying that is because I know it's so important for me to take a second in my day, throughout the week, whatever it is to be like Alicia, you should be proud of yourself. And Guys, I want you to understand this. There are things that I didn't do perfect this week. I was triggered a few times throughout the week. I cried this week. I got in my head this week. I didn't like finish like all the tasks on my

to do list this week. And I'm accepting all of it and being like, you know what you did amazing. I fucking love you for this. You're you're seriously amazing, and you have continuously shown yourself that you can show up and you can hit goals and you don't even need to be a fallest human being to do that.

And when I continue to do that, set goals for myself and actually flesh them out and actually act on those goals, and also have a practice of speaking to myself kindly and being graceful and being real with myself and just being like a fun human being where it's like, girl, you don't have to be perfect to like have a relationship or like have friendships, or have success in your life, or like have people in your podcast like like you. Things like that, and I celebrate that. It's a recipe

for feeling like you are the shit. It's a recipe for you believing that when tough times come, you got yourself even if you're afraid, even if you're nervous, because you have continuously spent your weeks and your days, your months, your years doing this, Okay, and I'm going to end it with this, you have to understand that time will

always play a part in building trust within yourself and confidence, and there's really not much that you can do when it comes to time other than continuously keeps showing up for yourself until you feel more embodied, over and over and over again. I will tell you I am turning twenty nine in like a little over a month. Every single year. I just feel like I trust myself more

and I have more confidence with myself. So on the days where I don't feel that confident or I feel a little bit like like not feeling the best about myself, I just remind myself, you know what, that's life. You're still in your twenties. Even when you get to your thirties, there's gonna be a whole chapter of life where you're probably gonna feel like an impostor when you have a child, marriage is gonna feel new to you. This that like, there's so many things that are just gonna feel like

you're not doing right. But you know what, that's okay. That is literally okay. And the more you grow and the more time goes by, you're just going to feel more confident. So if you don't feel that right now, understand that there is a part of this where it's just time, right, and you can't really do much about it, but to just continue to live out your life and

do the best that you can. And I saw a quote where I don't really know if this is like exactly the quote, but it was basically saying, like, you should really give yourself more grace because this is the first time that you're living, and sometimes we just forget that. It's as if we expect ourselves to know how to do life correctly, but it's like, this is your first time living. It's their first time being twenty eight, is gonna be your first time being twenty nine, and you're

only gonna be twenty nine once. It's gonna be your first time being a mom. And even when you're like a mom to a second child, it's gonna be a different dynamic because you have one here and you're a little bit older, and your relationship might change a little bit with your husband. Is that like, there's a first time for everything, so don't be so hard on yourself. And two little Pindress quotes that I will end this episode with that I really liked recently. One is facing it,

always facing it. That's the way to get through is to face it, okay. So when things get hard, believe in yourself you can face it. You can do it. And then the last one says, no one ever tells you that brain feels like fear. Okay, So bring it back to this like unconditional love piece and this like acceptance piece. There's going to be things that you're still going to be afraid to do, but just understand that

it's okay to be afraid to do those things. Don't wait for the day that you're like one hundred percent excited and positive and like ready to take on the world and confident about yourself. And this that the real confidence comes with time. It comes with you showing up. It comes with you being brave and being a little bit afraid to do the things that you want in your life. But that is how you're going to get

your results. When I started my podcast, when I started my YouTube channel, I had less confidence within myself than I do now. But the only way that I was able to get confidence within myself now and be successful with what I'm doing is to what is to start somewhere, is to take that action, is to stop playing with my life and to go from my dreams and understand that is just a part of life. So I hope you guys enjoyed and I'll see you guys in the next one. Bye.