143. the PERFECT formula for any glow up.

Hello everyone, and welcome back to their podcast episode. My name is Alicia Cogan, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand your mind and become more self aware so that you can glow up into the best version of yourself. Hello, how are we doing? Happy Monday?

We are here. We are here to talk about glowing up. Okay, if y'all are real ones and you have been following me on my main channel, we've been talking about glowing up. I put out a video a few days ago about the internal glow up, because y'all know, we talk about the mindset, we talk about what we put into our bodies, really taking care of our bodies from the inside out, and then we talk about the makeup, the hair, the whatever. And I'm actually filming a skincare and

beauty care or not beauty care but beauty routine video today. I just came from doing that and that'll be on my main channel very soon as well, So definitely check those out. But if you've been following along, then you know the topic right now is glowing up, and I think naturally springtime. The sun is freaking out today in Toronto and they said the sun was gonna

be out. But you know what, I think I manifested that because every single time I look on the weather app and it says, oh, it's gonna be cloudy this that I'm like, mmm, no things are gonna change. The Sun's gonna come out, and it always comes out. Which brings me to something that's really important when it comes to glowing up, which is your belief system in the way that you look at yourself. And that's what I want to talk about today when it comes to my quote unquote perfect formula

for any glow up. Now today, we're not gonna be talking about how many glasses of water you should drink, or how many times you should go to workout, or how you need to look or how many days a week you need to do self care, because we know what we need to do. And quite frankly, what I do for a glow up is different than what you do for your glow up, and that is totally fine. Okay, I want that for us. I want us all. We don't all

have to be different. We can be the exact same. You can be twins with me if you want, but we all have different needs and different wants and that's totally fine. But one thing that is the most important is the way that we view ourselves. Okay, that can be the same, so we're gonna talk about it. So for one, before we even get into the essentially three step formulas, three step thing that I'm gonna be talking about, I need you to think about who you are identifying as right now

in your life. And I want us to think about this because we want this in our forefront of our minds when we are trying to switch our identities and we are trying to become a new version of ourselves, we have to really see that distinction essentially. So and you might have thought about this a little bit, but maybe not. But right now you have a set of beliefs about yourself, about the world, about everything. But right now we're

gonna just bring it back to you and of like glowing up. And when we're talking about glowing up today, let's talk about being confident in our bodies, having the body of our dreams, the skin, the hair, like just the most like physically glowed up. I guess you look at yourself right now as somebody who is not you probably have a poor self concept. In many ways. You might be looking at yourself like you don't go to the gym. You've been slacking. You need to start glowing up. You aren't

where you want to be. You don't have the healthy hair yet, you don't have X, Y, and Z. I want you to think about the story that you're living out right now and understand that a lot of the reasons why you don't have the things that you have in your life or you aren't taking the actions that you want to be taking aka, let's say self care, is because you are identifying as somebody who does not take steps to

do her self care. You identify as somebody who does not do a skincare routine or consistently, or takes care of themselves or goes to the gym or the gym is easy for you, or you have healthy hair, you have glowing skin. You don't look at yourself like that. And that is going to be the number one thing you want to focus on when it comes to glowing up. Because we can talk about all the steps that you need to do and take, why don't you do them because you do not identify as

somebody who takes those actions. You don't think as the person who has the healthy hair. You don't look at yourself like somebody who is the type of person that shows up for themselves. You have an internal story within your mind that is not favorable, that doesn't help you, that does not motivate you to get to where you're at. And sometimes what we do is we start a new routine or we start some new habits, and you know, we have like this new mindset, like Okay, I'm going to like take care

of myself this that. But soon after we fall off of things. Why do we do that? It's what we are telling ourselves in our minds. It's the thoughts that we're constantly thinking. And listen, you have many thoughts and beliefs that are picked up through childhood, your adult life, even everything. I talk about it a lot in my book The Inner Child Work and

understanding where those voices come from. It's very important. I think it's very important because when you're trying to change your self concept and change the way that you do things in your life, it is important on the times that you naturally, subconsciously want to fall back to the old way. When I'm now thinking in my life an unfavorable thought, ho Alicia, your body doesn't look good, or your skin doesn't look good today, or oh like whatever,

any negative thought. I am very aware that that is just an old thought from the past that I picked up from X, Y and Z place person whatever. It's not my story, it's just what was programmed in my mind as a child based off of my experiences. So when it comes to innerchild healing and understanding your past and trauma and all that kind of stuff, that is why I think it's very helpful because you know, naturally those thoughts might come up, and when they come up, you can use your logical minds.

I know it's not as easy always, but you're able to have a little bit more insight to be able to bring yourself to a favorable thought because you're telling yourself, no, but this is not my truth. Sometimes we forget what our truth is. Sometimes we are confused. Sometimes you're confused, guys, you're genuinely confused, and you think that like it's normal to not

take care of yourself or look at your somebody look at yourself. Sorry, as somebody who is not pretty, not good enough, not worthy enough, can't get what they want, Okay, So we need to understand that it's not normal. And what has helped me is sometimes you know, doing that shadow work intertel healing. I talk about it in my book, The Ultimate Glow Up Guide. If you want to read it, link will be down below in your bookstores Amazon. It's a great first step when it comes to

truly doing that inner deep glow up work essentially, healing work essentially. But at the end of the day, when you're moving through life, depending on what you're thinking and telling yourself, you will act out of it. You will create from that standpoint. So we want to change that if we want to be somebody who has glowed up. So on one hand, it is totally okay that you've realized, Okay, springs here, summer's coming, I want to glow up, I want to take care of myself more whatever,

That's totally fine. But I just want you to be aware of when you have that mindset of looking at yourself, which sometimes we usually actually do and we have to like pull it back for a second, is like nitpicking, being like, oh my god, you're not working out, or you're not taking care of yourself, or look at your body, or nitpicking and just

self hating. You guys know, we do not get anywhere when we try to change out of a place of self hate and something that helps me, like maybe like a thought slash a belief system that I hold when I'm trying

to change something in my life. And maybe it's because like maybe I've seen that I haven't been showing up certain a way, I haven't been identifying as somebody who does X, Y and Z. When I'm ready to change, I usually just tell myself something like okay, cool, like I can change whatever, but what I've did it in the past, or what I wasn't doing that didn't ruin anything, Like it didn't ruin any progress. I'm not

behind in life. I didn't like mess anything up. I think that's really really helpful because again, first of all, like the stories you tell yourself is everything. So why would you sit here and be like, Okay, I'm gonna blow up, but what I did during the winter, like ah, I should have done more or I didn't do enough whatever, It just

doesn't serve you. It doesn't serve you. So it would highly suggests you think that way sometimes if you find that you're kind of like this all or nothing person who is like, Okay, I'm ready to like change because if you continue to move in this all or nothing thinking on the days that you don't do flawless identity work or think in favorable thoughts, like you usually go back to, oh my god, see I'm ruining everything. You're not ruining

anything. You're not ruining anything if you have a bad day or like quote unquote you think it's a bad day, You're not ruining anything. If you didn't go to the gym, whatever. And it's so important that you think that way because you will act out of that way. And it's always I always bring it back to when I used to binge eat. When I used to binge eat, what I would do was I would make meaning out of the fact that I just binge eat. Oh my god, I messed up.

Oh my god, I'm not where I'm like meant to be, I'm not getting better whatever, blah blah blah. And it would spirally me moral because then what I would do is I would say, fine, you know what, I'll start on Monday, because I'm never going to give up on myself. But because I think in my head that I've ruined everything, I might as well just ruin it more. So I'll just eat more or I'll

just like not move my bed. No, I promise you the way I got out of those cycles was using a mindset like that, so you didn't ruin anything. Okay, So let's talk about the formula that I think is really important in terms of actually becoming somebody who has glowed up and really any aspect of life. But again just kind of like physical taking care of ourselves because we just we want to feel good. Okay, So the first thing

that you're gonna need to do is to change your identity. So I want you to think about the person that you want to be. Now we can think about all the things that we want and all the things that we want to be. But I would say maybe in terms of a glow up, just think about like one to three things that you're really wanting to focus on changing. Maybe you're wanting to be somebody who goes to the gym more, or you want to grow your hair, or like you want to grow your

glutes, or you want to have like clear skin something like that. Like, we don't need to focus. We can we can work on every single You can just use this formula for every single thing that you want to change in a way you know, and I think that this is like what it means to just glow up, and that's what I've done throughout my life.

Like every season, I'm always like changing and evolving. But I want you to think about the person that you want to be, Okay, I don't want you to think about what freaking Sally or Sam or Lindsay or Caroline or goddamn Karen on TikTok or Instagram is being acting doing whatever listen you can get. You can get advice from people, you can get influenced from people. I'm a freaking influencer. I know you guys get influenced from me, and

I do that, like I love it. I love to share this that it's totally fine, But I want you to think about the person that you really want to be. What do you want to have? How do you want to look? How do you want to move through life? The reason why I'm saying that well, obviously because like you just have to be yourself.

But I think like this, this type of work really works when you're just real, when you just go for exactly what it is that you want, Okay, when you want to be the girl that you want to be, Okay, so just claim it. Claim whatever it is that you freaking want. I don't care. Stop telling yourself that you can't be this person or you can't whatever. So thinking about it, you could be the girl who has long natural hair. Okay. You could be the girl who eats

really really healthy. You could be the girl who's confident in her body, who has big glutes, the girl who has a good time but still works on her wellness. Like for me, okay, I'll just give you that

example. Really, I want to be a girl who can have espresso martini and go with her girlfriends and go live it up and have the best time of a freaking life or sometimes like having a little edible here and there, like have the best time and still be on my grind and still take care of myself and you know whatever it is, like everything, that's how I want to be in life. So that's a story that I'm telling myself. I can be that. So I don't want you to be like, oh,

I can't have it, Like I can't. I have to be this girl who's like like when you think about the sometimes when we think about the version of ourselves that's like the most glowed up we just think that they're like perfect, but they're not really Like that's not actually you, and you don't have to be like that. But it's just like, well you can if you want, but like, who do you actually want to be? You don't have to be perfect, you can be literally you. For me,

I think that's perfect being somebody who can balance those two things. But that's because I want to be like that. So I just want us to really just claim what it is or who it is that we want to be and have in this life because you can. But also just because like we're done not being authentic, We're done not being who we really want to be in

our lives. We're done with that. So thinking about the person that you want to be, and then thinking about this person meaning you, but this dream version of you, the one who has really long, natural hair, who eats really healthy, who has big glutes, whatever, What does she think about herself? This is really important? Okay, So some examples could be she knows that she has long, beautiful hair. She thinks about her hair in a favorable way, she thinks about her body in a favorable way.

She enjoys eating healthy, She doesn't have resistance to going to the gym because it's just a normal thing, like you have to, Like, I really want you to think about it. The person that has what you want, how would they be thinking. And I know sometimes it can be hard because you might not know, but just thinking about some of the things, like if you had your perfect skin or your perfect hair. It's not that you wouldn't be thinking about the fact that you have long hair or you have

perfect skin, but you'd be thinking favorable. You'd be thinking good thoughts about yourself. You would be looking in the mirror and being like, oh my god, I hate my glutes. You wouldn't be looking in the mirror and being like, oh my god, my hair's so sure, Oh my god, my hair's so like not nourish whatever. You wouldn't right, you'd be thinking good thoughts about yourself. Now, you can go right to the end and just continue to think about yourself as this person who has like long hair

or nice glutes. But sometimes it's hard for us to do that when we don't actually have it. So some people like like sometimes even for myself, like I can kind of it's not about ignoring reality, but like I can look at myself even if I don't have that thing fully like formed yet and be like, oh, I have beautiful glutes or I have beautiful hair,

like it doesn't matter. But if you can't think about that in that like think about yourself in that way yet and you kind of feel like it's a little bit too delusional, you can just think about the type of person that whoever it is like that has what you want. Is So the girl of your dreams, which is you, who has long hair, beautiful skin, who takes care of themselves, she probably enjoys taking care of herself. Think

about it for a second. Think about the girl who really like is glowed up all the time and like really takes her time doing her self care. She probably enjoys it, right, She probably enjoys the way she feels when she eats healthy. It's not that she just eats healthy, right, because that's probably what you do. You probably just eat healthy, but you don't fucking enjoy it. But if you really think about it, she probably enjoys

it. And again you can kind of go all over the place. You don't have to think she enjoys it, and like you know, favors their saviors every moment, So even for me, I identify as somebody who just eats like well, I eat very well. I don't even think that I like look at myself like it eat like perfect because I don't care about that. But I eat well and I eat healthy, and I am not somebody who resists that. I don't have to force myself to want to eat healthy.

I don't have to like like push myself to I don't have resistance to it. It's just easy. It's effortless. So you want to think about, like the person who really is that dream version of you, they probably don't have a lot of beliefs of like it's hard. I don't enjoy it, like even when it comes to like if you want to be somebody who drinks a lot of water, somebody who drinks a lot of water a lot, And this is just like a general statement. Obviously everyone has different beliefs.

But when somebody like drinks a lot of water, they're just somebody who identifies as like drinking water is easy, even if they don't like Actually, if you were to ask somebody who drinks a lot of water, they might not be able to like say that, but drinking water is like for them, like there's not. It's like not a hard thing, even when it comes to like the gym. Actually, yeah, the gym. This is something that really clicked for me when I became best friends with my friend Joye.

She has really nice glutes. She's had really nice glutes, like I mean obviously before I met her, but and so she I like I'm always asking her, like, well, not anymore obviously, but I always wondered, like, you know, how did she get to where she's at in terms of growing her glutes and like you know whatever, like how did she

do it? Whatever? And like I know how you grow glutes, but she just grew her glutes and it's just like a consistent thing, and like now she has big glutes even if she doesn't go to the gym like whatever, but she goes to the gym. I was asking her, and I wasn't even asking her, but I was just kind of like, this is

what I do. Actually, I guess. A side note is when I see somebody who has something that I want and it seems easy for them, I either like subliminally like kind of like indirectly ask them or like I'll just ask them, what do they like? What do you believe? About yourself in the world because they have a certain belief system about how easier or how hard things are gonna be, or if they can get something, or if

they can't trust me. If you go out in the world and you actually like look and think about you know, the people who have what you want or the people who have what they have is because of what they believe, and the same thing goes with you. Could I can guarantee you can pick out somebody in your life who is a constant complainer, a constant Oh, life is so hard and everything is hard in their lives. Everything is hard. They're always broke, something is always happening, always have a boy issues

whatever. Because of what they think. They're always expecting something to happen that's gonna be bad. They're always speaking it out into existence. They're always like, oh, I don't really know if it's gonna happen this that. And by the way, we do that too. I've done that as well. I still have to work on that a lot. So bringing it back to my friends, I started to note that she never talked about going to the

gym. She never made it this like big rebrand thing. She didn't even really make it a part of her identity in terms of like always talking about it. It just but it was a part of her identity. But in the way of just like she is literally just somebody who goes to the gym. She just goes to the gym and she does legs or she does opper body, but whatever, It's like a normal freaking thing in her life. That's just what she does. Like there's no waking up in the morning and

negotiating herself out of going to the gym. It's just like it's gonna get done at some point. The same way she like the relationship that she has towards money is very like I'm just good with money. I just make a lot of money, and that is her reality. And the same thing goes with me when it comes to like when I always bring it back to becoming a podcaster, like a YouTuber, Like I just decided that I was going to be a good YouTuber. I decided that what I have to say matters,

and it matters because it's reflected because it's what I decided. So think about some of the beliefs that you hold about things. Sometimes we just we're trying so hard to do the thing which is fine that we take action like towards things. That's fine, But really and truly, it's a lot of the times it's what you believe, it's what you assume. So thinking about the version of you who has everything that they want, how does that dream

girl think? She probably enjoys self care. She probably doesn't make excuses, She probably really enjoys things. Which leads me back to creating a life that you enjoy and doing things that you like, because obviously, like you want to like what you do, right, So, like, I actually bring it right now to hot yoga. I am obsessed with hot yoga. Okay, I think I talked about this in the March recap. I am freaking obsessed with hot yoga. I have been going consistently. I didn't even realize

this, but I looked on my class past. I am going consistently for a month straight, three times a week. I didn't even realize I was going that much. Okay, and not even for a second have I felt any resistance to going. And listen, it's a hard class. It is the hottest hot yoga you can ever freaking imagine. But you as soon as you get into that class, you are sweating. It's bickram yoga, which I personally love, but it's a challenge when it's hot. It is twenty

six poses. You do the same poses every single time. It's very like the same thing every single time. And that's why I like it. I'm like, I don't know, I think, just the way that my brain works. And also I like it because I'm able to see my body progress in terms of balance, instability, and strength. But it's also just a mental challenge because you're having to breathe through these movements and these poses for so long. Anyways, whatever, all of that, every single thing about it

I like. I love the fact that I'm sweating. I'm getting a good sweat every single time. I love the fact that every single time that I'm going sometimes not every single class is the same. Like I can fee I can see when like I'm really sore still or I'm really stiff. I love it. I love seeing it. I love witnessing my body doing all that stuff. It's beautiful to me. I love it. I love every single pose. Like it's not like too hard or too uncomfortable or too annoying like

I think about other forms of yoga. I hate it. Like you know, the flows like where you do like Warrior one and Warrior two and then you go down and then you go up and then everything's a flow and you're going cool. I hate it, count me out, gotta go, gotta go. I don't like it. And yeah, so I like everything about it. I like the fact that it's close to my place. I like that I can walk there, and I like that just like whatever, all of it, every single thing. And because I like it, I naturally

have gone so freaking much. Okay that not only is it just great that I've been consistent and I've been looking forward to it, and I've been getting out of my own head and this that my body Okay, my legs, literally, I sw to God. The past like week, I've been looking at my glutes and my legs, and I'm like, what is going on? I have always it, first of all, and this is something I have to work on too. I've always identified as somebody who my glutes take

the longest to grow. It is really hard this that, and over the years I've changed the way that I viewed myself in terms of my body, but also like how hard things need to be and genuinely my body has changed so rapidly and easy by doing the bare minim at the gym because I literally

decided. But anyways, lately, I've been like looking at myself because I know it's good to look at myself favor favorably, sorry, and regardless of if my glutes have been growing or not, because I'm not looking if they've been growing, I've been looking and saying, yeah, they look amazing. That's how we have to be talking to ourselves. But since I've been looking at them, I think, for one, for sure, it's just the way that I look at myself. It's kind of like a placebo effect in

a way, but genuinely yoga okay. And I didn't even realize just how much that would actually be changing the way that my body looks. I didn't think about it because I just wasn't going for the outcome of changing my body. Now, listen, does it mean that you have to like not want to have an outcome? No, But I'm just giving you example that we make things so freaking hard when we can just go like directly to the end, like what I mean, the end, just do what feels freaking good.

So if you want to be somebody who takes care of their hair. Make it work for your schedule. Make it work for your schedule, Make it work for your life. Find the times, find the days, find a ritual that works for you. You know what, the other day another thing. Everything's just aligning because I just decided. But the other day I have been wanting to do an oil, a hot oil treatment on my hair.

And I always do deep conditioners and they work and this that. But but in this I guess, uh season of my life, I've been being well, I guess it's just because uh, spring's on the way and my natural hair is gonna come out more. Like I'm gonna do my hair more with that. I want my hair to look beautiful, studying amazing and nourished. So I'm like, okay, I have to get into this identity of somebody who takes care of their hair. Like, get with it, girl. So I was like, well, what is that? Like, what's

that gonna entail? Okay, well, let's go back to deep conditioners. Is that? But I was starting to think, you know what, it's not really like working anymore. Like I'm not not working, but like I'm not really inspired. Whatever, what do I want to do well. Right now, I feel like the version of me who has beautiful, nurished hair for spring and summer. She's getting up, she's doing a hot oil treatment.

She is dousing her hair with oil, and she's doing what she needs to do when it comes to deep conditioners, and she's detangling her hair and she is doing and she's enjoying the process. Okay, because that's another thing, is like I usually find when I don't do things and I don't take care of myself in certain ways, is because I dread the process. So

you have to change the way that you're viewing the process. And what helps you is like telling yourself that you enjoy the process, but also like doing something that you actually enjoy. So what I usually do is I do it on a day that I feel like inclined to do it, but I'll put on music. Right now. I just got called to do a hot oil treatment, so I did it. Right now. I'm like, using this oil. I put it in my hair, and listen when I put that oil in my hair and I put my hot cap on, Oh my god,

my hair literally has never felt more soft. And it's damn life the way that my hair just soaked up that oil, but it didn't even go dry because it was so moisturized. And then that led me into going back into some of the things that I know are important about my hair and just getting everything all in alignment, all because I decided to think, hmm, the version of me who takes care of her hair, what would she be doing, how would she be acting, what would she be thinking? Moving?

And she wouldn't be having resistance, she wouldn't be thinking it's hard. She'd be doing whatever it is that works for her, instead of thinking that

that version of you is being a tyrant on herself and hating every part of the process, because that's probably what you like. That's probably how you're trying to get yourself to do your self care right now is through the lens of like, oh, it's like this this hard thing and this whatever, so like really like enjoy it. Once you do that, it's okay, once you think about who that is and how they move through the world, which I would suggest you just choose a belief system of it's easy and she enjoys

it like you enjoy it. The next thing that is the most important thing is that you're gonna need to create a new neural pathway. AKA, you're gonna need to completely saturate your mind with this new version of you and how they think and how they move through the world until it becomes normalized. Okay.

And I was talking about this on my TikTok, like I made a TikTok about it this because somebody was saying, like they because we've been talking about like negative beliefs on my TikTok and talking to yourself negatively, I realized throughout my globe journey, I was like, really, I was obsessed with myself, but in all the wrong ways, Like I would always think about

myself but it would always be negatively, and how to change that? And then somebody commented being like, well, I've been trying to do affirmations whatever, but they're not working, like ahah blah blah blah whatever, like talking to myself affirmations or is just thoughts that's all they are. So she was saying, oh, like I've been using affirmations and they don't work. This that and I've been this through this too, and I still have to like

really saturate my mind. But the reason why you're not changing, you're not thinking like new thoughts or thinking better is because you're not doing it enough. You're not thinking favoral be sorry, you're not thinking favoral be enough. I cannot say that word favoral whatever. You're not thinking in your favor enough. Okay. And the reason why I said neuropathways because I think we need like

kind. I'm not going to bring it back to science, but we actually just need to like think about it for a second and how the brain works. We operate all day long, running on autopilot based off of current beliefs. That whatever is in your reality right now is based off the beliefs that you hold that you've been running on. Okay, when you change that, things will start to change. You will start to change, you will take

different actions. So we run on those thoughts all the time. So if we're not being conscious, if we're not being aware of the thoughts that we are thinking, we're just gonna go back to the old thoughts. So bring it back to her comment being like, oh, I've been doing affirmations but they haven't been working. Yeah, it's probably because you do let's say a morning practice where you say like, oh, I'm beautiful, I'm becoming her because I feel like that's such a like trendy word. I'm becoming her,

I'm the woman of my dreams. I take care of myself, I'm loving who I'm becoming. This that all great things, and then you close your journal or you stop thinking about those things, and you go back to your old belief without even thinking about like you barely even realize it. So this period of time, and I can't tell you how long it's going to be. It depends on how much time you want to put into this. It depends on the type of the beliefs that you are wanting to hold. It

depends on a lot. But all I know is saturating your mind is going to be so key. How do you learn how to do something or think a certain way? Repetition all the time. The way that I got out of my shitty circumstances in my life was repetition. And what I mean by that is not even a lot to do with actions. It's what I was thinking. I had to wake up every single day and choose a reality in

which I was able to get out of every single day. When I saw I don't like this, I'm broke, I have this Da da da da DA. I told myself, Nope, it's gonna change. Nope, it's gonna change. Nope, it's going to change. Nope, it's gonna change. Every single day it's changing. It's changing and changing, it's changing. I literally had to think, like I had to work on gratitude. That

was just something. I didn't actually have to work on gratitude, but that was the thing that really helped me, like having gratitude lists, because at that point in my life, like I had a lot of things that I really wanted and I didn't actually see it in my reality. So that just kind of helped me be grounded. You don't have to do that, It's just I did everything that I possibly could. I listened to podcast episodes that were positive all the time. I would drive to work positive podcast drive back

to work. Same thing. I remember when I used to work at a golf club and it was a private golf club, so they would have banquets and they would have weddings, and I would bartend weddings and I would serve at weddings all throughout the summer. I did that for a few summers and in the winter I still worked there as well. I used to sell beers on the golf course. We used to work at the restaurant. We did fine dining, we did everything. I was that girl. Okay, I

really did all that. It was fun. Anyways, when I would work the weddings, after the wedding was done, which would be like three am four where I am like banquet serving. If anyone knows, then you know that was a frickin' hustle. We would have to like strip all the tables off, and usually like half the staff would leave after like everything was really clear, but there would only be a few people who would like be there

to the end of the night bartending or just like clearing tables. So when everyone would leave and there was like cutlery to do, or if there was like again linen off the tables or whatever. Or in the mornings when I would set up the wedding tables as well, before everyone came in, I

would have headphones in and I'd be listening to positive affirmations. I'd be listening to podcasts like I saturated my damn mind with positivity with people telling me that I could have what I wanted, any topic that I wanted to learn.

Like that's literally what I did that's what I still do now. I mean i'd do that less in terms of learning something or getting out of like like a negative situation, because for the most part, like I have built a lot of belief that even if I find myself like going to the negative, I can just kind of bring myself back out. But when you are trying to change, you're gonna need to do that saturation because, like I said, if not, if you think three good thoughts in the morning, you're

gonna go right back. You haven't changed that neural pathway. So what I was doing when I was saturating my mind was creating a complete new neural pathway until it became my dominant focus, until it became my dominant thought process. And then I started acting out of that place a positivity of I can do this, it's gonna whatever it is, Like I like myself, I love

myself whatever. I started moving in the world differently, and I started attracting and I started assuming things to be different, and it changed in my life. That's, in my personal opinion, that's how you create the life that you want. Though I can give you a few things that I like to do when I am trying to change my identity and think new thoughts in order to then become that person. But but obviously it's just going to depend on who you are. Like I said, how often you want to do these

things? But when I'm trying to change in the mornings, and I do this, like literally even when I'm not trying to change anything, because I just like to think really really good positive thoughts about myself. I like to focus on my goals. I like to dream big. I just really like to so in the mornings, I always have a journal practice, whether that's self concept or I'm just like thinking about my goals. But for you, you could start with I am statements based off of the person that you are

wanting to become or want to become. So you can say like I am a beautiful girl with natural, beautiful long hair. But if that does not feel one hundred percent like real for you, you could be like, I am becoming the type of person who loves self care or takes care of herself, or I am somebody who really enjoys doing this thing or whatever. But the reason why I'm saying whatever I'm not really telling you is because like it has to be authentic to you. It doesn't have to be, but like

it really helps when you're it's not that you have to believe it. You like you're not really going to, but it's almost like you're using your own wording, your own verbiage, your own way, and you can think thoughts as well. You just want to think thoughts that are just favorable to you at the end of the day. So whatever you need to tell yourself,

okay. And I know this is where we get caught up like, oh no, well, like if I say that I'm perfect, but I like look in the mirror that I'm not, Like, that's just I'm being delusional. I'm gaslighting myself this that no, wah no, start talking to yourself in a positive light. It is wild that we are so programmed to not think good about ourselves or to not be like I'm getting what I want in my life or I am turning into my dream girl. I love my body,

I love my glutes, I love my whatever. So for me, I'm able to really love myself even as I'm changing, which I just think makes things a lot easier. And some people don't have to do that, Like, you don't have to do this if you don't want but I do think like having the sense of self acceptance on this journey of changing is very helpful. So I love the way that my natural hair is. I have

beautiful, natural, vibrant hair. Like having thoughts like that will still allow you to continue to work on yourself or continue to like nourish your hair. And I think that that's like just the best way, right because it comes back to yoga, Like I just enjoy yoga. I love it. And because I think that way and I enjoy it naturally, the byproduct is I'm going more and my body is changing. So you don't really even have to directly be like, oh, like I have long hair, I'm getting long

hair. Whatever. You just can even change by simply learning to love yourself. If you start to accept yourself, you will actually change. But I think a lot of people are like, oh my god, if I accept my body, then I'm never going to be able to change, really, because how's that working out for you? When all you do is hate on your body and that's not changing, that doesn't seem to be changing. It changes maybe for a bit, and then you go back. So how about

you try something else? You know what I mean? And I'm saying that, like I'm calling you out, but I'm calling myself out too, because it's just like, realistically, we're making it too difficult. Another thing that I think is helpful when it comes to saturating your mind is having a digital detox, like really going through what it is that you're watching online or scrolling

online and seeing and feeding into your mind. And if you are going to consume any content, have it a lot with the person that you want to be and how they are thinking. Okay, and if you see things online that are making you think your old thoughts, don't watch it, don't watch it, don't listen to it. You gotta you really gotta stop. I think Pinterest for me is helpful when I do wanna look at something because I am like on my phone a lot. I don't know. Something about Pinterest

just makes me not feel like I'm connected to the world. And when I'm connected to the world, sometimes I just feel like everything is too real and it's too much and I need to catch up and I need to like everyone's whatever. I don't know. There's something about Pinterest, So I like to

go on Pinterest. But if you don't want to go on pinterress like don't also bring it back to identity work, Having like a Pinterest board and like having a journal practice and like doing all that kind of stuff can be helpful. I like to visualize a lot of things, so I have like a Pinterest board of what my summer is going to like look like, which I'm going to talk about actually with one of the questions you guys had asked me.

Anyways, having a social detoks and this is people, places, and things in real life or online is definitely helpful when it comes to saturating your mind until you really create this new neural pathway and you can move through life with this identity of I'm beautiful, I'm studying, I'm gorgeous, I'm confident, I'm whatever. Like I can go out now in the night life and I look, I look at myself story completely different than the way that I

used to look at myself. Because I did this work. I don't go through life and be like, oh my god, I'm not the chosen one. I'm not the chosen one. Oh my god, I'm not pretty. Im this d d DA. I don't even have those beliefs because they don't matter, like our thoughts same thing because I just I choose for them to not matter. Like I go out and I choose that looks don't like really matter, you know, like, yes, I get it, that looks madder and I get dressed obviously and I like it, but like, I'm

not using that as my focus. So you just decide, you decide what you want to be a focus in your life. Like, genuinely, I think I saw this quote on Pinterest to somebody was like, it's not embarrassing if you just decide it's not embarrassing, Like it's I know it's harder said

than done, but it's genuinely not embarrassing unless you decide so. Guided meditations can be really helpful in the times that you're not feeling like you're getting what you want, or you feel crappy about yourself, you're just not feeling good. Mindful movement has really good ones sleep affirmations. If that doesn't keep you up at night, do whatever you need to do. You know exactly what

you need to do. You know when you're not feeling good, and you know when you're not thinking favorable thoughts, and you need to be the one to catch yourself and be like absolutely not, and don't think it's not working when you think, oh my god, but I'm thinking crappy about myself again, or I'm not showing up for myself or I'm not whatever, It's like, okay, no problem. What's going on in our minds? What do we need to change, what do we need to change, and how do

we need to think? And this is not about berating yourself. It's not about like you know, none of that. Just be loving to yourself now.

Step three is to act out of healthy discipline, aka acting as if the person you know that you're wanting to be, like the girl who does her hot oil treatments into that now. I kind of want to make a disclaimer here because I go back and forth with talking about action, because what I have learned in my life is genuinely when you start to identify as somebody, who is that bitch who cares about herself, who enjoys it, who X, Y and Z, I promise you you do not need to take

a lot of action. You do not need to take a lot of action. You know why, because it's natural you will naturally just want to get up and go. Bringing it back to yoga, like I didn't even realize how many times I was going. I was just going because I wanted to go. Now, that is action, but it's not the action that we think in terms of like, oh, I have to forcefully take this action and I have to discipline myself and I have to whatever. How many times

does that not work for us? Really? A lot of the times it's because we're just not id identifying. It doesn't mean that you I mean, you can create a whole reality. I guess like where you like believe you don't have to take any action, But I like, it's fine for me to think that I have to take some action. It's more just inspired and in lined action. And now you can do this like planning out your week or your schedule, like I could tell you, you know, okay,

identify as a person. Think about that person, like have your saturate, Like you're saturating your mind. You're thinking good thoughts about yourself. And now every week you're gonna plan like what you're doing for your go up. You

can do that. I don't need to do that because the more I just identify as the person by thinking good thoughts about myself and life and focusing on my goals and focusing on what makes me happy and you know, redirecting my thoughts when it wants to go to the old self concept and the shitty beliefs about life and everything and how I suck at this and that. Once, I like, can you know, bring myself back, which is a lot of bringing my self back. But when I do that, I don't have

to plan out when I'm gonna do my hair. I just do it. I don't have to, like for like, I don't have to write in my planner like Jim, like all of these things. It's just kind of natural, right, So it depends on where you're at. If planning helps you, that's fine. Like I love a good planner, Like I have

a planner for some certain things when it comes to like working stuff. But I think just over time, when you really get to know yourself and you really like curate a life that feels good to you, you will find you don't really have to It's the same thing as like you don't have to put

in your journal and to brush your teeth, like you really don't. You don't really put in I mean sometimes you do, but you don't really have to put in in your schedule, like when you're gonna eat and I mean, like, yeah, maybe you put in like sometimes when you're having launching this that, but I mean, like you know, you don't have to remind yourself to eat every single day, like I mean sometimes you do, and that's fine, right, Like, if you're trying to create a habit,

you can do that. If you're trying to create a habit, you can do that. But just understand whether you're taking action and you're planning from a place of self discipline that is really hard in terms of like the energy you put towards it or towards yourself or self love. Healthy discipline there is

and this is why, this is why it's also important. And like the way that you speak to yourself is important because you will see you'll be motivated or not trust me if you let's say, let's let let's say we're witnessing a dad speak to his child about getting like a certain score when it comes to playing soccer. Okay, like he's practicing a lot and he's playing games.

The dad that is like, let's say they lost the game, but he like his son got maybe like seven out of ten of the goals that he wants to get or something I don't know, whatever, like he got like seven, like seven out of ten on the scale of scores or whatever. He could look at his son and be like, okay, buddy,

like no problem, Like we you know, we can acknowledge that. Okay, seven out of ten, Like we're getting there if we just tweak these three things A, B and C over here, like maybe there wasn't enough energy over here, or maybe we missed that over there. No problem.

We're gonna practice a few times, no problem if we If he spoke to his son like that, do you not think that that son would be a little bit it's not even about being so motivated, but would feel a little bit more confident in his ability to continue to go and then win the game the next time around and show up for practice versus the dad who's like, you got seven out of ten. That's so crappy. You should have done it. You should have hit that goal. By now, you're gonna take

so long to get to where you need to go. You aren't doing good. You need to now work harder. You need to X, Y and Z. That kid is gonna feel defeated now. That kid will probably do it why because Dad's telling him and I need to be good at what I do and I have to show up. I have a job, I have to do this. But is he really gonna be motivated to do it? Is he really gonna like it? And he's really gonna think good thoughts about

himself? And don't you think that that mindset over time is actually gonna be a like it's actually gonna be a limiting mindset. Like he's actually gonna suckond guess himself a lot when he goes into the game, he's gonna be more stressed and be like, fuck, I better, I better get ten out of ten because if I don't, then look which then because he's stressing, he's gonna choke, He's gonna whatever. And that tends to happen. That tends to happen. It's the mental game that you have. And I want

you, guys to see how you do the same thing with yourself. I've done it with myself. I talk about it in the book. I talk about where I got my inner critic from many places. I learned it from my dad as well. But I don't want to always just like throw it on my dad, like you know, there's things that happen in life, and naturally, I think we all have inner critics in some level. But it's just to see that realistically all the habits and the things that I tried

to do based out of that inner critic and didn't get me anywhere. I hated everything all the time. The moment that I could, I would stop. And the thing that happens with us, Now, Okay, we don't have dad, right, we don't actually have maybe like a physical person or human telling us what to do. The only thing that we have is our

inner critics in our heads. So the moments for a second that our inner critics don't come online because we have a lot of power now we just kind of like ignore it and then we'll go do some other behavior that's like completely self sabotaging. So now we have these like polar opposites. We have like we have to do it all or nothing, and we have to go hard and we have to hit ten out of ten, and because it's so stressful and so whatever, then we and we crash and then we're like, oh

my god. Then we're all of a sudden, we're on the other side here, and our child comes in and because they're overwhelmed and they're scared and they're nervous and they're freaking traumatized, they go to candy and they binge eat. That's what we do, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth all day. And then on top of that, you just dread going back to working out and taking care of yourself because you feel like it's the chore, which then creates a cycle again, you see what I mean.

So we really do need to be aware of who is coming online when we are trying to take action and plant our days. If that's what we're going to be doing, is it coming from a place of self love? And coming back to identity work is just like who do I have to be? Not even have, but who do I have to be? And how would I be thinking if I really enjoyed this but enjoyed it for me? Okay, and this takes some like self expiration. I think, like what

lights you up? What makes you feel good? But I think the thing that we struggle again, I've kind of already said this, but we're just so afraid to just own what it is that we want in our lives.

Enough freaking enough, which actually brings me into a question that one of you guys had asked me because I asked you guys, what you guys need advice on when it comes to glowing up and stuff, and there was a lot a lot of you guys wanted me to talk about mindset, So like this is the episode, and I think obviously episodes mindset work is really good.

But someone said how to glow up as a woman, Like she just wanted tips on like how to cause it's kind of and it's yeah, I guess it's different, And this is what I was thinking, like, Okay, well, you know, like I could give you different tips of like what women do. I guess, which I kind of will. But I think

like the first and foremost is like owning how you want to look, how you want to move through the world, what you want in your life, how you want to look like I already said that, but how you want to everything? What do you want? I think a woman who's like really

like actually grown, she decides. And I think when I was younger, which is normal, it's fine, but when I was younger, I would be like, okay, like who do I have to Like I would let somebody else tell me how to do things, or how to run things, or how to do my wellness routines, or what make up looks that I need to do, or how I need to act or how I need to sound, or you know, like you have to like how you have to be like maintenance, like your hair needs a little a certain way you have

to do like beauty things this way, this, that, and obviously like we all try different things, but understand that if things aren't feeling good for you and you're not really vibing, sorry vibing vibing, don't like think that you're doing things wrong just because you don't enjoy it. Don't get mad at yourself because you're not able to sustain it. Don't don't do it. A lot of the times, it's genuinely because we are forcing ourselves to do things

that we don't actually even want to do. And I know it can be hard, because you know, you could be like, oh, well, I don't like anything, I don't like anything, but I think sometimes then that comes back to your mindset of like, well what are you thinking about these things? And like how hard they have to be? Because like I

used to not like weightlifting, but like I genuinely like I don't. I don't hate it anymore because I have changed the way that I viewed weightlifting, and it just is easy for me, Like taking care of myself is easy for me, showing up for myself and doing leg days like it's it's no problem. Like obviously I look at it like it's a little bit harder than some days. But I used to look at leg day as the hardest thing in the whole entire world, which made it harder for me. But now

the mindset that I have is like days are easy. It's just I go in, I do my compound moves. I can do them. I'm strong enough, I get good at it every single time. I know exactly what I'm doing and I'm out. That's it, and it starts to not become so hard. So it's just kind of like the way that you view it.

But bringing it back to like how to glow up as a woman, I think one so obviously just really owning what it is like that you want in your life, how you want to live your freaking life, what you want to do, what you don't want to do, the beauty that you want to do, the beauty that you don't want to do. The self care that you're interested in self care, that's like I don't need to do that, like whatever. But I do think something that did help me was

cycle sinking. And the reason why I'm saying that is because it allowed me to kind of just get in touch with my body and get in touch with the season of life that I'm moving through every month. And you might be like seasonal life. Every month, we go through many different phases unless you're on hormonal birth control. But sometimes I really do think that some girls go through these phases and like can see the subtle shifts within them even if they're

on some birth controls. It depends a lot of birth controls are different, so you'd have to do your research. But I'm not on birth control. I there's something about knowing myself on a more like a nature standpoint that makes me feel like a woman. I think it's just because like I know myself, like I know when I'm about to get my period, and so when I know that, like I know my moods a little bit. Sometimes not always, but sometimes if my mood's a little bit off, it's like no

problem. I set myself love and compassion. I don't freak out, I don't stress about it, and I learn how to adapt. I learn how to s port myself through that phase. And I feel like I'm a woman when I do that. And I think another thing that helps with feeling like you're glowed up like as a woman is to stop putting other people on pedestals. And I know it can be hard because sometimes we look up to people

and we get motivated and inspired by them. But sometimes I would go on Pinterest and look at girls who are like quote unquote the goddess glow up girls like the girls who just like have it all, and I'd look at myself like not that. You got to stop looking at yourself like you have to decide, like right now you're glowed up, bringing it back to who you're

probably not identifying as right now when we first started this podcast episode. Right now you need to decide you're just like them, You're just like them. This is just as much your arena than it is for them, or that it is for them. I should say, you are meant to be here standing with all of us, Okay, like you matter like you are here. You have to you have to look at yourself like that. And I guess The last thing I'll say about this is, I just think in my

mind, being grown, you don't even have to be a woman. But being grown means not forcing things that are clearly just not for you. And we force a lot of things because we don't accept our natural selves. And I don't actually mean natural, but I just mean like who we authentically are. And I'll give you an example. What makes me feel sexy as a woman is gonna be different than what makes you feel sexy as a woman, and society might, let's say, depending on the algorithm or depending on like,

I don't know, whatever you've been taught. Maybe you've been taught exactly what you are, and that's fine, but you know, I think I've grown up in a life where I've been told certain things about how you need to look in order to like have a sex appeal, or what music to be listening to or whatever to make you feel a certain way. Certain music makes me feel sexy. Afro beats, okay, afrobeat music music that is

just has a lot of rhythm. I mean, lots of music has rhythm, but afrobeats naturally, like, without even trying, it just makes me feel really sexy. It just makes me feel like me, I can dance, I can move to that type of music. It's just like naturally like what my body wants to do. Versus let's say, listen to Tate McRae. She has like you could put her in the category of like she kind

of has like more. She doesn't have really sexy music, I guess to each of the own, but she has some music that's kind of like out there, like very like pop girl vibes that technically like yeah, it's supposed to make you feel like a girl or even like sexy this that, but that music I love it. I love Tate. I'm gonna see her in Calgary this summer. I'm gonna see her, but I don't need to for like, if I don't feel sexy like dancing and moving to that, I

will still dance to her. But just because like I don't feel sexy like listening to her music doesn't mean that I'm not sexy. It just means like that's just not my thing and I'm not going to force that. And I just think that I've done that throughout my life certain times, like even when it comes to dresses, I'm not really usually like a dress person. When I go out with my friends. Maybe I will be this summer. I don't know. Things change all the time. But for many years I would

force myself to like wearing dresses. I only thought that I was sexy if I were a dress. No, bitch, no, you look sexy whenever you decide, you look sexy in. And what I feel comfortable and sexy in is right now in my current life, I love to wear a good cargo pant and in like a nice little topic. I know what makes me look I know, okay, I know what feels good to me and what makes me feel good to me, sorry, what makes me feel good, makes me feel sexy, what makes me like feel good in terms of my

thoughts, just makes me feel like a woman. So coming back to how you glow up as a woman, you decide, I do think that like knowing your cycle can be helpful. I talked about the law of rhythm in terms of living life kind of cyclically last week, so maybe you can get some more insight on that. And someone else asked, or they didn't, I don't know if this is a question, but they said, I often ask myself why do I even glow up? It's like nothing will change anyways.

What's your answer? A sis? So this is her her like internal dialogue. Nothing's gonna change anyways, So why do I even try? Like nothing's gonna change? So this is my answer. You're right, nothing's gonna change, So why try? You need to understand this, and like I love you. I'm not like trying to like yeah or anything like this. I'm just being passionate. You need to understand that the reason why nothing will change in your life, the reason why your glow up will not happen,

is because of that belief. That's a belief nothing will ever change. So why even try? Yeah, if you have that belief of nothing will change no matter what you do, of course nothing will change. So this is what I'm saying. You can't have that thought. You can't have that belief system. You have to know and believe that if you try, things will change. That's really what it is. If you try and move and put your effort in and love yourself, things will change. Things will change eventually.

Now you might have to be somebody who picks up a belief of I am learning how to believe that. I am somebody who can believe something such as if I try something, it will change my life. Like literally, you have to use like that belief, like you have to really go down to the depths of the point of the belief that you're holding and change that. Coming back to like, you know, maybe I am statements might not work for you. I am beautiful, I have beautiful hair, I have

beautiful skin, I have beautiful teeth. If you can't do that because you can't accept yourself, you could use a bridging affirmation of I am beginning to believe that I have beautiful skin or beautiful hair, or I am becoming that person who knows how to love herself. Every day, I am trying every day. I am showing up for myself every day. I am X Y and Z. Okay, you're inching up, You're trying, you're deciding that every day I am becoming somebody who's a little bit more optimistic than she was

yesterday. Why because what's the alternative? What is the alternative for you to continue to think bad thoughts? No, you have to be so sick of your old self concept. You have to be so aware of how these thoughts are not serving you in any way. You got to be sick of it. And I think something that helps me in the moment when I go back to that negative belief is to remind myself in the moment when I have unfavorable thoughts, that's not my truth. That's not my nature. That's not your

truth. That's not your nature. It's old beliefs. It is. You didn't come here to think not in your favor. You did not come to this earth to live a shitty life. You just didn't. You had people, places, and things in your life play out in your life. Okay, we don't have to ignore it. It happened, It is what it is. It might still be happening. But the way you look at those things will dictate what happens in your future. Why am I saying that because

I think a lot of people can agree. There's probably been a lot of things that you actually have changed in your life if you think about it, and things did go a little bit differently depending on how you showed up. You don't have to be flawless. But also in my own life, did I change and get things in my life from stress and limiting beliefs? Yeah, like some things changed, but they didn't fully conform, they didn't fully

changed. I still really struggled through them, Like I still lost weight sometimes or I still grew some muscle, but I hated myself in the process, and I reverted back anyways. So I'm not saying that you have to be perfect in order to change your life if you don't. Right, there's a lot of people who make a lot of money doing bad things, But wouldn't you want to be happy doing it. Wouldn't you want to stop having so much resistance. You can create a life where that doesn't have to be a

thing, but it requires you to really do that work. And I really want this season of your life to be just that saturating, focusing every single day until it becomes strengthened. That's what I'm doing. That's what I continue to do, and when I get to something that's normalized in my life up

level. And I guess this is for people who have a lot of learning beliefs around getting what they want in your life their life, you know, doing those bridging techniques and those affirmations and kind of being like okay, like no worries, like things are changing slowly, things will change, you know, whatever it is. The more you create that reality, you'll see more evidence, and you'll have a little bit more confidence to kind of be a

little bit more choosy with what gets to happen in your life. You'll have a little bit more confidence. You'll be like, actually, no, I don't want that at all, or actually know I'm perfect instead of I'm just good enough. Trust me. You can do that. You can really do that, but sometimes you have to like work yourself up. So to sum everything up your three step formula, thinking about the identity that you want to live in the mindsets the girl of your dreams. How does she actually think

and move through this world? What does she think about the things that you are trying to get in your life? Okay, think about that, write it down and think about that every single day, which is step two saturation, morning routine, afternoon routine, night routine. Flipping your damn thoughts as many times as you need to saturnate in your mind with podcasts, episodes, YouTube videos, good conversations, go out into the world. Whatever you need

to do. Even if that's too much and it's too like, you don't need to do that, go get your mind off of it. Then whatever you need to do. But the most important thing is thinking in your favor. Okay, So whatever it is, think in your favor as much as you possibly can. You do not need to be perfect and be loving to yourself. And step three is really watching yourself on honestly, just take inspired aligned action, but just being aware of when you're taking action with whatever it

is that you're doing in your life. Is this coming from a place of self love? Is this coming from a place of natural discipline and motivation? Thinking about the dad who is trying to get a son to be exquisite at what he does. You want to instill belief in yourself. You want to tell yourself you can do it. No problem. We had a bad day, No problem, We're not having the okay, no problem. My glutes are not where I want them to be yet, no problem. There's still

beautiful. Now you want to talk to yourself like that, I promise you it will make everything ten times easier. And when things are easier in your mind, it will be easier for you to take the action, and then you will get your thing faster. Okay, So I hope you guys enjoy today's episode. If you enjoyed the episode on Spotify, I would kindly ask if you guys could give me a review preferably five stars if you think deserve five stars. And if you want to leave a little comment too, you

can leave a comment or like a review or whatever. You can do that on Apple podcasts as well. Of course, if you're watching on YouTube, just comment down alone let me know what you want to see next. There's a few fun episodes that I'm coming out with next, but I would love to hear your guys' feedback for this episode. And I hope you guys enjoy your week and I'll see you next week. Bye.