137. why you’re not getting the SPECIFIC things that you want in your life.

Hi everyone, and welcome back to another podcast episode. My name is Alicia Gogin, the host of the globe Secast podcast. Why I help you expand your mind and become more self awares that you can glow up into the best version of yourself. How are we doing Happy Monday? I was gone last week because I had my gum procedure. It's still not fully healed, so I'm not going to show it on camera yet. My mouth is a little bit weird when it comes to talking, but I think I'm fine, Like

I think it sounds pretty good. My teeth look amazing and really happy with it. They still need to heal. I'm going to give you guys, like an entire recap of it because I got a lot of questions about that on the March recap episode. I'm gonna do like a whole, like long, off topic type of episode because I have a lot of things to say. So today's episode, I want to talk about why you are not getting

specific things in your life. And these are a few things that I've been really observing in my own life, but also just things that I have gone through, like the process of continuously creating the life of my dreams. I have learned some very important lessons, I should say. So these are some of the things that tend to come up when you find yourself like not getting

what it is that you want in your life. Specific things you want the relationship, you want to be this YouTuber, you want to have more money, you want to have a new role in your life, you want to have this home. You want to have all of these things, but it just feels like you're either not making progress towards it or it just feels so hard. It feels out of touch, out of reach. Da da da.

So I want to talk about a few obstacles that get in the way and why you know, yes, there's always going to be things out of your control and this that, But I feel like a lot of you guys understand that you, for the most part, are very big creators of your own reality and your own life. At least those are the people that I'm speaking to, and that is who I am and that is what I do

over here on the channel. So with that kind of in mind, like you being this creator of your own reality, here's a few things that might be obstacles of yours that you could get advice on so that you can continue to create your reality because you can, like you really can. So the

first obstacle that I think a lot of people struggle with is their own fears. And I talked about this in last week's podcast episode. And what I mean fears is when you want to step into a new role in your life, let's say becoming a coach that is going to require you to use different things that maybe you have learned in schooling. In order to become a coach and a good skilled coach, you're gonna need to try and practice and put

yourself out there. But a lot of people, even myself, when you need to do something for the first time, you get in your own way because you are afraid. But in order for you to be the successful coach that you want, or to be this person that has X, Y and Z, you have to try. So I talked about this in last week's episode, so please go back if you want to have me expand on that. But like, in order for you to get certain things in your life,

you have to try because it requires a new version of you. Even when it comes to let's say dating, you want a marriage or you want a boyfriend, if you do not get out of your own way and put yourself out there and try. I'm not saying you have to try so hard, but genuinely, like if you're somebody who is afraid of dating but you want a relationship, you have to eventually go on that first date. So you have to get yourself to a point where you will go on that first

date. And I talk about that in last week's episode, like some of the things to kind of help you really take that first step. The same thing as like taking the first step when it comes to recording a YouTube video. If you want to be YouTuber, what you have to do is you have to record the video eventually. And sometimes we just get so stuck on like not doing that thing, but then you're never gonna be able to even have a chance of getting that thing if you don't do it now. The

second thing, and it's so big, and this is kind of what sparked my interest in having this conversation on the podcast today is your external environment. The world is set up for you to continue to second guess yourself and continue to second guess your desires and your goals, and god damn, do you

let it. And I'm saying you because me as well. We grow up in a society where there is a million opinions on what you should do, how you should think, what you should be, what you can have, what you can't have, and you're gonna find yourself through your entire life essentially having people tell you to do things this way, or you should have this in your life, or you should have relationships like this, or this is

how. This is the only thing you can get in your life always and you have to understand that because you're gonna have to have a level of persisting through whatever bullshit that is coming your way and reminding yourself, I can get what I want in my life and understanding though that there's going to just be people who speak from their own viewpoint and their own thing. But but that is not a determinate. You don't let those people places things and be a

determinate of what you get in your life. And what I mean by the world is set up to make you second guess yourself. You know a lot of people in your life, it's not like they know that they're trying to make you second guess yourself. Like a lot of people have good intentions, right, I'm just kind of saying that as like a general statement, but the world in terms of you go to like not everything is bad, is what I'm trying to say. You have to go to school and learn certain

things. You have friends and family who want the best for you, and they have certain opinions and they tell you to do certain things. You have friends in certain fields of career paths that think you should do your career this way, or speak in this way, or help heal people in this way, or have a certain job this way. It doesn't mean that they're wrong, but it also doesn't mean that you're wrong either, and that you shouldn't go for what you really want in your life. And I think that that

is what gets in a lot of our ways. You know, sometimes you really value someone else's opinion, you value what people are doing, You look up to people, but reminding yourself that there's not gonna be just one way to do something, and what do you want for your life? What feels good to you? And I know it can't always be we do everything we want everything feels good, and that there's gonna be a level of you being so uncomfortable with getting what you want in your life. But you know,

what you freaking want, so you need to go for it. And I think about this in the sense of, you know, being a YouTuber or even a podcaster. There are people in my immediate life who don't necessarily think that podcasting is the best way to have a career path or even maybe help people. I'll just keep it at that. And I have never been somebody who's let somebody really decide what I get to have in my life, because

it's always really been me. But that doesn't mean that their opinions don't affect me, especially if I respect them, especially if what they're doing in their lives is great. You know, like it's easy to kind of put that aside when somebody who's clearly like not on like any sort of levels telling you that. But what happens when you actually have people in your life where you do respect them, they do have a good career, they do have X, Y and Z. That's gonna get in your head a little bit.

You're gonna start second guessing yourself a little bit. But it doesn't mean that they are right though, Like, yes, you can listen to other people's opinions, and you know, you have to understand the level of like self awareness that they might have for you. But again, people still even if they're not trying to tear you down or trying to like make you go in this this path, this one path, they have a way of viewing life and what they think is right. And it might be right and true for

them, but it doesn't mean it's right for you. And you can't let that deteriorates, that is not the word. Make you detour, sorry, off of what you know you want in your life. Stop letting people who are telling you know in the most subtle ways that you can't have what you want and it's a no and this that and make you fall back and make you stay small and make you not go for what it is that you want. You have to be shameless. You are really your only advocate in life,

as much as you will have people who obviously support you. But like you know, again, I don't know, just bringing it back to you're not always gonna have everyone's approval with things in life. You just can't possibly because everyone's on their own journey. Even for me, like my advice and how I think can move through the world is pretty open. But the end of the day, like if there's something that's not resonating with you from me, I'm it's fine. You know, you got to do your own thing.

And I think we focus a lot on our external because that's the most like three D real quote unquote real thing that's happening in our lives. So let's say somebody's rejecting you, or somebody's saying no, or you have really crabby circumstances. Of course those things are gonna make you believe that you can't have what you want, or I'm not worthy, or I'm not X, Y and Z. Do not let these things determine what it is that you

really want, want and know that you want in your life. It is unfortunate sometimes that you might have people who are saying no or telling you this is wrong, or you might just have crappy circumstances when you're really trying to get out of it. Let it be. Do not let these things bring you down, and over time, eventually, when you keep persisting, you

will start to create a reality where you are being a well. Really, the universe is reflecting to you what you believe about yourself in the world, which is I can have what I want, this is what I want. I am persisting until I get it, and you will start to see it, but at first sometimes you don't see it. But don't let those things make you fall back, I guess, is what I'm saying. And there is this Pinterest quote that I found that I really have been thinking about a

lot, so I'm going to quickly read it. It says there are three rules. Number one, if you do not go after what you want, you will never have it. And can we just stop and think about that for a moment, And this leads back to last week's episode. If you never take that step, you will not have it. One hundred percent chance do that. You will not have what you want in your life. You will not step into that career or have that career role if you don't step

into it and take that action or whatever. Okay, so that's one. Or even when it comes to going on a date or if you're in a relationship, asking for what you want. Number two, if you do not ask, the answer will always be no. And this makes you think about when it comes to like negotiating, and you know, even when it comes to anything in relationships, you know you have to keep being your own advocate. What do you want and need in a relationship. Be persistent with that

and stand in that. You know what you need. You know you need somebody who's predictable. You know you need somebody who is going to commit, who's going to show up, who is going to X, Y and z Okay, you know that you have to persist in that. And I'm not saying like actually demand it from like a man, or demand it from somebody like we use different we move and show those signs of what we need like

in different ways. But I just mean like generally, you have to ask for what you want and if you do not, the answer is gonna be no. So don't be upset when you aren't getting something in your life when really you have not asked. And number three, if you do not step forward, you will remain in the same place, which is technically kind of like the first one and goes back to last week's episode. But you have

to do something. You have to think a new thought, you need to focus on something else, you need to take an action, you need to

something. Now. I was kind of just talking about this, but the next thing, the next obstacle in which I think is the reason why sometimes you don't get what you want in your life or you haven't been is because you're not being specific enough now at first, when you're wanting something in your life, any thing of a goal, you don't have to be so specific and like anything is good kind of thing. And also we want to be

careful with not obsessing over goals. I talk about that a lot, but sometimes genuinely you are not being specific, and that kind of ties into what I was saying about, well not what I was saying, but like it ties into having confidence in asking for what you want. And just like you have to ask type thing like what is it in your life that you want? And I have like two examples that I'll quickly just say so you can

kind of see what I mean. You might be somebody who's getting upset that you don't have the lifestyle of an entrepreneur, time freedom, you don't make as much money as you want. You're not a like you don't have a YouTuber lifestyle or a podcast or lifestyle or a lifestyle in which that you want. That's more of like whatever you don't want obviously, and most likely you probably are working like a job you don't like, or you don't have a

lot of time freedom. Okay, so you're getting mad that you don't have that lifestyle. Right, let's say bring it back to specifically a YouTuber lifestyle whatever you think that is in your head. If you're getting upset that you don't have a lifestyle of a certain YouTuber, you were most likely not specific because you might have had a goal of just becoming a YouTuber. You thinking having a goal of I'm just gonna be a YouTuber, like that's gonna get

you the YouTuber life. That's not you know why, because you could film one video and post it on YouTube and guess what, you're a YouTuber. Okay, So thinking about the specifics of what it is that you want, even when it comes to a relationship. Okay, you're in a relationship, but you're crying about the fact that you don't have predictability, you don't have consistency, you don't have a certain level of treatment. But guess what what

you asked for was simply a boyfriend. All all you were begging for was a man. Okay, But specifically, what about this relationship do you need? Do you want? You have to be more specific, and again when you start out, yes, it's great to have the goal of like being a YouTube or having a boyfriend, if that's what you want. But it's like you got to be shameless with what you want. You got to ask

for it. What is it that you really need in this life? Because if you're not specific, you will get non specific results and maybe it'll be great. But I'm talking to the ones who are currently in their life right now who are like, like, when's it coming? Specifically when's it coming? And you getting frustrated when you don't have it. You looking out into your reality and being like, why am I not getting this treatment from this guy? He won't do this or that, or I'm not getting the money

that I want from being this you know, freelancer or this that. And the third well, what specifically do you want to have? And a question you can ask yourself or ponder over is really thinking about the current so circumstance or situation that you have in your life that you don't want to be having or you don't like use this to show you what specifically you do want in

your life. So again, if you are upset that I just don't have the lifestyle of a YouTuber, okay, you need to ask specifically about certain things of this lifestyle of a YouTuber or you know, you don't like the fact that you're not getting this certain type of treatment from your current boyfriend. All right, what do you want and affirm that. Focus on that, ask for that, take action towards that. Whatever you have to do, keep that in your forefront of your mind. Get more specific. Now.

The last obstacle, and it ties into being specific, is your self concept does not match your specific wants that you're saying that you want in your life. You are not viewing yourself as somebody who does get that specific result that is prioritized in a relationship that does get consistency from a man that does have x amount of views, x, amount of money, x amount of lifestyle X, Y and z. You are not viewing yourself as somebody who has

these things. You have to start viewing yourself as somebody who gets to have all these things in your life, and you need to start then taking action from that place. Now, this has to do with self belief, believing it's possible that you can have these things, looking at yourself like worthy of these things. This is very deep rooted. This is self concept work that you got to work on every morning in the morning. This is what I do all the time in the morning. When it comes to journaling, I

am writing from a place of I am statements. I deserve to have X, Y and Z. I get this type of treatment. I am a woman who gets commitment. I am a successful YouTuber who is very skilled at what she does. I am a coach who is very skilled at what they do. And this is why I'm very skilled. And I have these beliefs about me, and I hold these beliefs about me like you have to change

the way that you are viewing yourself. You have to stop looking at yourself so negative, so bad, so crappy, so wrong, because you will not be able to take action towards it. It'll just you'll start like manifesting things that are a reflection of your self worth and what you're like viewing yourself as. And this takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of

persisting in a new self belief, looking at yourself differently. And I think the best thing that you can do when it comes to self concept is basically learning how to love yourself again. Because when you view yourself as somebody who

is amazing, kind, beautiful, she deserves love. Oh my god, you're so amazing in all these aspects, and this is why you deserve love, and blah blah blah blah, all that kind of like self love affirmations in the morning, just pouring into yourself everything you start to view yourself basically, is what I'm saying. Through the lens of love, you can easily

see how somebody would love you because you love yourself. You can easily see how you would prosper in a new job opportunity because you look at yourself like amazing. You look at yourself like so skilled, highly favorable. Everyone freaking thinks that you're amazing. So you have to start looking at yourself like that, and it will be so much easier for you to then be able to again, like look at other people looking at you like that, and then

you actually asking for those things because you look at yourself as love. So you're not afraid to ask to be prioritized in a relationship because you look at yourself like, yes, I'm worthy to be prioritized. You're afraid to ask for these things because you deep down don't believe that you deserve them. That's why you don't ask for them. So thinking about your self concept genuine what

do you look at yourself like? And again I'm telling you I talk a lot about this in my book in terms of, you know, the belief that we hold about ourselves and where that comes from. This is deep rooted. Okay, And by the way, you're not alone. Everyone has limiting beliefs, self doubt based off of external environment situations, childhood trauma, people making fun of us, the pressure that society has on us to do better and be better in order to feel worthy. It's all crap, it's all

programming. Getting to the root of that is amazing, which I talk about it in my book The Ultimate Glow Up Guide link in my description or just type it in at your bookstore, go to the bookstore and get it anywhere that it has in stock. I should say, But understanding that, like you have to continue to look at yourself in a better light consistently in order for you to ask for what you want, to believe that you can have what you want, and to take action towards that. It all starts with

that. And if you think about why is why are you so afraid to take action towards practicing a new skill that you have to do at school or at work. It's because you look at yourself like I'm not smart enough, I'm not good enough. People are not gonna like me. I'm not worthy enough. Okay, So when you struggle with taking action or doing something in your life or asking for what you need in your life, look at yourself. What do you believe about yourself? I swear that changes so much.

And again, yes, we have to take action towards the things we want in our lives, and we have to kind of mentally tell ourselves how to get out of that in the moment. We have to do that. But at the end of the day, you have to work on your self concept because you can keep overriding like the bad self concept for what you want, let's say, but if you don't truly believe it, you're not gonna sustain

it. Like you can ask for what you want, like oh, I really want commitment, da da da da, But like even if you ask for commitment, there's gonna be other things that you actually underneath that that that you need to be asking for, but you don't feel worthy, so like you won't do it, So then you didn't really like get the commitment that you actually wanted. You only ask for basically what you believe that you can

get, you know what I mean. I hope that made sense because I just did like a whole ramble, but genuinely, you you gotta look at yourself like deserving, like you you get this in life, And I know sometimes it can be hard because again you have external people, places, and things telling you you don't deserve, that you don't deserve to be compensated for

this by doing this amount of work or this thing over here. Stop letting everyone else throw their own shame onto you, throw their own opinions on you. The more you block that out and the more you tap into what you know is true and what you want in your life, you will have more confidence and you'll be able to look at yourself like worthy, deserving, and again you'll start taking action from that place, and you will start to be a match to people, places, and things that reflect your self concept.

It's just what happens. It's just what happens, and it takes time, and it takes circumstances to sometimes not work out for you to show you your own self concept and what you believed about yourself. But amazing, great that's what I like to look at it. When things aren't work out in my life, I'm like, amazing. You know, first I'll probably cry about it for a second, but then I'm like, you know what, perfect? This is showing me what I accepted over there, meaning what I believed

about myself over here. This is what I need to work on. I need to affirm a new self concept within myself that I am deserving, that this is what I get in life, and I need to persist in that. And the more that I do that, I'm only getting one step closer to what it is that I actually want before I even barely knew it to be true until that circumstance happens. So if things are going on in your life where you're like kind of pissed off or you just are not happy about

it, take it as information. Amazing, good, good to know. I noted that I literally look at circumstances in my life like that, like, noted, what did I believe about myself? And now what do I get to ask more? What do I get to refine and get more specific with? And you start to see on this journey this is all happening to get more specific so that you actually become the person that you really want to

be. Like, I am now this person that I really want to be because I've had to go through those situations that forced me to get even more specific, Like and back then I thought I was gonna be this perfect person. Sorry, by having this lifestyle or having this treatment based off of not being specific, babe, that's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen. You're not gonna be the dream person that you have in your head that you scroll on Pinterest and you're like, oh my god, I want to be

this person. Da da da. That person is a result of you being specific and you looking at yourself as a certain way. It's not from who you currently are in this current self concept. It's not. It doesn't have to be hard at all. But it's not gonna be from this self concept. Why because if it was, you'd already be her. Right. So, whatever it is you want in your life, it's gonna require you to

be a new you. It's like actually as simple as that. So when you are wanting certain things in your life, you want change in your life, you have to become the change. That's really it. Stop looking at your outside circumstances, waiting for things to change, waiting for people to make

you feel deserving of love. It's not gonna happen. Even when somebody comes in and gives you every single thing Liz did that you think that you want or you deserve it, you won't be able to believe it, or you'll push it away, or you just it'll be a mess because you don't actually inherently know that to be true for yourself. You might think you do, but as soon as that person either goes away or something happens that if you can't sustain that feeling, that's when you know it was never within you.

You're only waiting for somebody or money or something to come in or results to come in for you to feel good about life. How do you feel in the days where you don't have the numbers, or you don't have the money, or you don't have that love. That's the most important thing, because you need to feel good about yourself because for one, people ebb and flow in your life. Even if people stay in your life like a secure attachment,

you know you got to like always kind of maintain that. But also things change in your life, so there's gonna be like the external environment will always change, not for the worst, but things it's just change, like that's what happens. And it doesn't mean things aren't gonna get like coming out of your life, but that's what's happened. So what happens when things change, You're gonna get triggered every single time, and then you're just gonna oh

my god, I'm not getting what I want. No, stop living life like that, stop living life only being happy when the external shows you that. And it's the hardest thing to do. It's the hardest thing that you have to go through in life, and a lot of people never even get there. And people are constantly on this emotional roller coaster when it comes to relationships, when it comes to money, when it comes to whatever. You can't do that. You have to learn how to sustain what is true about

yourself, your self concept. And the more you sustain it, this is what tends to happen, is you create that neural pathway in your mind. So it's not so much forcing. You don't wake up every single day and you have to continue to you know, like affirm to yourself, like you have to do different things for different seasons of your life, but you will continue to build that. So it's not always going to be a trying process.

But the more you have that higher self concept and the way you view yourself and you're stable in that, you're like, you're really stable in that and you're not wavering, you will then only start to attract things on that level of frequency, and that will be a normal experience in your life.

More money, better treatment from men. Like you'll get up there, and then what will happen, Because you're not perfect and you're not going to get all the way like you know whatever, something will happen and you'll be like, oh, I need to be a little bit more specific. And then

you have to drive in that new self concept. You have to learn that lesson, keep driving that in, and then that brings you up here, and then you start attracting more and more and you get better and better at refining what it is that you want, and then you become that person. That's what happens. So and that's what happened for me in my life. Like I even think about that when it comes to money, Like I had to stop focusing on the things that I didn't have, have a story.

I had to change the way that I was viewing money and scarcity and everything like that, and I had to really drive it home until I started becoming a new version of me who showed up for herself and went for her dream life and you know, made the money that she wanted to make. And

then I had to learn how to sustain that. And I had to learn how to have a different relationship with money and keep that firm and not waver and fall back into my scarcity lack mindset that I've been in all of my life because I grew up not having money, Like it is programming that takes

a while. But the more that I did that, and the more that I stayed in that self concept, I started manifesting more money, more opportunities that became more of a frequent, stable, predictable thing in my life and not got normalized. And then I just kept moving up. And I'm continuing

to move up like I still am moving up. But you want to have certain treatment, or you want to have a certain amount of money, or the way that you like if a career, the way that like the certain skills be normalized in your life, and in order to have something be normalized in your life. It's gonna first require you to look at yourself as having that thing in your life, and you have to persist in that and you have to only move as that person until it becomes normalized. So if it's

not normalized in your life right now, why are you giving up? Why are you giving up? Why are you letting things in your life? Waiver you and da da da dah. Stop it's all noise. It's all noise. Respect the people who have different opinions than you. Understand that some people it's not even about people like trying to like you know, not give you what you want. Don't take it personal if somebody's saying no to you right now, don't get afraid when things aren't going in your favor. Understand that

that is a process. Stay strong, work on your self concept. Literally, stop worrying about everything else but your self concept. How do you view yourself? Love yourself, Pour into yourself. You are the only thing that matters in this moment. And don't mean in the grand scheme of life, okay, I just mean in this specific moment, focus on yourself until things

become normalized. I don't want to hear it. And I tell this to myself, by the way, like sometimes I'm like, why am I crying about the fact that I don't have X, Y and Z when shit hasn't been normalized yet. I haven't been looking at myself as this person who gets what she wants in her life. Things have not been normalized. So stop

giving up, Like why are you giving up when things are hard? Like you want to be skilled at something, you want to have this certain life, you want to have this money, you want to have, you want to hit the school, okay, but you're giving up before you get it. Stop giving up, Okay. So that was a little bit of like I don't know what type of energy that was, but I don't know it was like visceral energy because that's just what I've been really thinking about in my

life. I've been going through it in my life. I am who there's things moving in my life right now, like moving in my life, which I feel like is probably a lot of you guys right now, and naturally with a new season of life, not season of life really, but a new season in terms of weather, like genuinely we're moving into spring. But oh my gosh, when change happens in my life. It requires me to have a death in a rebirth. It requires me to get more specific.

It requires me to really stop letting people, places in things get in my mind, especially when I'm trying to like really go up, which is always so loud. When people, places and things are really loud in your life right now, that means you're really trying to up level. So don't stop like sometimes when things aren't loud, it's like, hm, maybe I'm coasting, which is fine. You don't always got to hit goals and things like

that. But I just mean, you know, don't be afraid when things are moving and shifting in your life, because that just means you're you're very close. And I tell myself, like, when things are shifting, whether it's good, bad, ugly, confusing, whatever, oh am, I close. Movement is so good, even if it's the smallest movement, even if it's big movement. Don't I don't waiver and don't fall back when you see movement also in your life, but it's maybe not exactly what you want.

Understand. Everything is moving, Things are happening. Okay, things are happening in my life. I hope things are happening in your guys' life. I hope you guys enjoy your week. I'll have a Thursday episode coming up. Let me know what you guys want me to talk about. I'm sure I don't have an idea yet, but I'm sure have one. Also, you can let me know in the comments whatever. I'm really excited to do my March recap episode in a few weeks. I can't believe there's only two

weeks left of March before we go into April. It's wild. Also, today is the one year little anniversary, not little, but anniversary of me moving into my condo, which is crazy and so much has changed. Anyways, we'll do a whole recap though, I feel like the recap, why do I keep messing up that word? Recap is gonna be a good one because I want to share with you guys, like a lot of books, things, like things that I've been doing. Oh, there's a lot of

things. Anyways, I hope you guys have an amazing day and I'll see you guys in the next one. Bye.