124. how to stop seeking validation from MEN... BECOME THE PRIZE.

Hi, everyone, Welcome back to their podcast episode. My name is Alicia Gogin, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand your mind and become more self aware so that you can glow up into the best version of yourself. Hello, how are we doing? Happy Thursday? If you're listening to this on a Thursday, it is another snowy day in Toronto, of course, but I'm happy to be on the podcast. At

least I have something to do, something to talk about. I was not particularly in the best mood today and I just recorded a TikTok actually just saying like, you know what, guys, this is a mental health check in. If you are feeling low today, if the weather is not good where you're at, just know you can still have a good day. Things don't have to be flawless. You don't have to do everything perfect, but you can do it. And I said that because that's basically what I told myself

today. And now I'm here on the podcast and I'm feeling pretty good. So I have a very important topic to talk about today, and that is how to stop seeking male validation. But I want to first talk about what

sparked my curiosity. My idea to talk about this. I've actually made a main Channel video a long time ago regarding why we seek male validation and what I've done in my life to stop doing that, because I used to be somebody who essentially only seekd male validation genuinely when it came to Instagram social media, what I looked like very much so, always entertaining someone, always just feeling good about myself, depending on if a guy like sent me a text

that day, like all of that stuff. So I want to give you, guys some of my tips that have really helped me stop seeking male validation. But I want to quickly talk about something that sparked it, which was I was watching a video on YouTube from a creator her name is Brett Cooper. She was doing a video regarding toxic femininity, and she was reviewing a

few girls tiktoks that were clearly very toxic. And so I want to like read out a few things that she had shown and she was doing commentary on, and then I want to give you my thoughts and how this leads into what I'm going to talk about when it comes to seeking male validation. And

if you guys don't know what toxic femininity is. It's essentially, well, there's a lot of ways in wish it. You could say, like girls can be toxic depending on what they're talking about, women who tear other women

down, but also women like this. So there was this girl making a TikTok and she's like this blonde girl and she's pretty, and she's just like doing this dance or whatever, and the caption on the video says, I may not be the girl you marry, but I'll be the girl you're thinking about twenty years from now when you engage in polite sex with your boring wife who fakes her orgasms to make you feel better about your receiving hairline. Okay,

So like that type of toxic femininity is what I'm talking about. And I've seen a lot of videos on TikTok of women doing such things. There was one more. Actually I'm just going to quickly read again. This girl.

She's beautiful and she just has like a video of her with her like you know, like dark feminine energy, like stare into the camera, and the text over top of it says, I might not be the one you marry, but I'll be the one you're thinking about while driving home to your high maintenance vanilla wife, And I just want to break down what I think is happening here now. Obviously, the first thing is just the fact that this is just toxic femininity in terms of just women seeming to tear other women

down for being somebody. Maybe they're not like, oh, you're going to think about me while you're with your vanilla wife, as if let's say the wife is vanilla, Like why is that a big deal? Like why does a girl have to like why is it bad for a girl to be basic? Essentially, so there's like that component of like judging others. But I think obviously, deep down with these women are projecting online is that they're actually deeply insecure, and like, how does that make you feel good about yourself?

Just telling yourself or the internet that, yeah, well, like you might not be with me, but I know you're gonna be thinking about me

while you're with your wife. Like those type of quotes and those type of things clearly make these women feel good about themselves, which is obviously not good for you to feel good about yourself telling yourself like, oh, well he actually chooses me based off of let's say my looks are based off of like whatever, Like why are we basing our worth and feeling good about ourselves in those type of situations? I think is so toxic. And I've definitely known

people who have thought like that. I personally can say I've never been that type of girl, where like I always like I would obviously never post these videos, but even in my head thinking like, oh, well you're with her, but I know you're gonna be thinking about me and like whatever, Like I never felt good about myself by saying those things. Ever. I never did, but like, I just don't see how that would actually make me feel good. I think that that actually low key makes you feel like

not good. But the reason why I'm bringing this up is because these women feel good about themselves when males validate them. If they tell themselves a story of well, I know I'm actually the chosen one, even if he's not with me, or like well he stalks my Instagram and he likes my photos while you're laying beside him in bed, or he's talking to me behind your back, like these things make them feel good about themselves, and it's essentially

it is validation. Now, there's a lot of other things as to why that makes them feel good and like whatever, But I really started to think, like why is it that some women are operating like this? And obviously like this is like a daddy issue thing probably, or maybe a mommy issue thing. Maybe just a full on insecurity thing, which insecurities can come from all different sides of like the coin. We're not really gonna get too deep into that, but I know you guys, a lot of you guys who

listen to the podcast aren't like that. But like, even if we can bring it down to like not being that toxic, I don't want us to have our validation only ever come from men, and we only feel good about ourselves if men validate us. So like, let's like put that example aside

because that's very extreme. Like those girls I actually think really need help, And I'm so sorry if you listen to this podcast and you're one of those girls, but like, please, like you can't possibly feel good about yourself by doing those things, like why would you want to operate in the world

like that? But like bringing it down to something as simple, and I know a lot of you guys can agree because I have absolutely been there of like liking yourself more, or liking your photo on Instagram more once the guy you really like likes your photo, or you only having a good day when he responds back to you, or if he doesn't respond back to you, you have the shittiest day, like very much so waiting for a man to make you feel good and especially having men validate you, and that's the only

way that you're going to feel good about yourself. Like, we can't move through life like that, but a lot of women do. And I think when I was late teens, early twenties and I definitely was in the cycle of seeking male validation, I started to realize the validation that I did get on social media based off of the type of photos that I was posting,

like a little bit more scandalous photos, more body photos. Again witnessing myself waiting for a guy to like my photo or text me back, and if we didn't, I would like have the worst day, like that type of stuff. I just started to realize, like how fleeting that was. Like in the moment, it made me feel really good, but then like that

feeling went away, and I really hated feeling like that. And then I started to realize a pattern that would happen when I would, let's say, post Instagram photos for the sole purpose of getting a man to like or give me some sort of validation and get a like. I started to realize that the conversations or the attention that I was getting was not actually the right attention.

And I started to realize that what I really wanted, which I wasn't being honest with myself about, which I feel like a lot of women do not be honest with themselves about, is I really honestly I wanted love. I wanted attention. I wanted affection, but I wanted the right kind of love attention affection, and I wanted it to be sustainable. I wanted a

relationship. I wanted somebody to value me. But the problem that I was having was my actions weren't in alignment with what I deeply wanted because I one wasn't being honest with myself. I also wasn't actually speaking my needs and saying what it was that I really wanted. I was accepting the bare minimum because that's what I was taught in my life. Like there was a lot of reasons why, but at the end of the day, it's like my action

we're not lining up to what I deep down really wanted. And I think the first step with trying to like stop the seeking mail validation cycle is to really get real with yourself about what it is that you are looking for. And I'm gonna just say a blanket statement, but obviously I get not some girls like they don't want this, whatever, I'm talking to the girls who

really do want this. You want most likely a relationship. You want most likely your man to yes, maybe physically like you and like your photos and give you attention, but like to also stay and like also like value other things about yourself. Like obviously we want those type of things in a relationship, but if we are posting photos or entertaining half assed conversations, we're not going to get what we deeply want, and we need to be real about

that. But one thing I think we need to tap into is this allowance

that it's okay that we want validation and we want attention and love, because that's really like what it is when we are trying to post and we're trying to entertain a guy who's like clearly like not taking the action steps that we deep down really want, Like we just we want somebody to want us.

We want love, and I don't think that's a bad thing. And I think that sometimes like when we we don't even want to acknowledge that we're doing these behaviors because it's like, well, what's the opposite for me to not have a drive to want to have any sort of attention, Like no, which is not something that we need to like completely rid of. It's totally

fine that you want a little bit of validation. You want your boyfriend to freaking tell you that you're pretty, or you want a guy that you really like to text you back, like that's okay, But it's just you have to see how sometimes your actions and the things that you're saying or not saying, or the things that you're posting or not posting, won't get you the

result that you deep down want it like want. And I think for me, when I was in my twenties I'm still in my twenties, but early twenties, I started to realize the type of attention that I was getting was not actually the thing that was feeding my heart and my soul. And I had to be real about that with myself first so that I could change my actions and change my mindset and value myself more. And once I did that, that's when I started attracting men who didn't only care about my looks,

didn't talk to me just to like be living in my phone. So I

think a practice that you can do for yourself when you realize that you have been seeking male validation and it's just not even hitting, you know, it's not hitting, like you get the like and then all of a sudden you feel good for a second and then it's like back to normal, or like you respond back to a text and then he reads it and doesn't respond, and now you don't feel good, like, you know, like this emotional rollercoaster is thinking about the type of relationship, the type of man, the

type of attention, the type of everything when it comes to your romantic relationships towards men. And you can use this towards women if you date women like all that, But I'm just saying, men get so incredibly clear on the treatment and the relationship and everything that you want, and you need to be very very clear about this because you need to say no to anything outside of that. And I think for me, I really wasn't being clear with what

I truly wanted. When I was in my early twenties, I played down what it is that I really wanted. I was like kind of like telling myself, it's okay if a guy doesn't want to like fully commit to me yet, like it's fine, like blah blah blah. No, let's be real. We all, for the most part, the girls who are aligned with what I'm aligned with, we want like marriage and we want to we want children. So if that's what we want, why are we playing?

Why are we like? Why are we playing these games? And I honestly see some of my friends still do that now, like entertaining guys who like clear really are not going to be the guys that are gonna take them seriously. And it's like, why are you doing these things when deep down this

is what you want. Be real with yourself and don't be afraid. And I think we're afraid to let go of the validation because it can be lonely sometimes, but you have to realize like it's actually lonely getting the male validation that we that's half assed anyways. And that's what I came to realize is

you know what this feels like? So much shit that I'd rather just have no validation than to have a guy who literally is only just gonna respond to my Instagram story and like give me hard eyes, but like nothing else is going to come out of that, Like I'm not I'm not gonna base my value and base my happiness off of that message because it's just very, very fleeting. So get clear with what it is that you actually deep down want

in your relationships moving forward, and don't entertain anything but that. And you know, I think about out when I'm in a relationship. I want to feel confident knowing that. I mean, I don't really think like this, but like, if I were to think about this, that my boyfriend is gonna like every single one of my pictures because obviously because he likes me and likes he's gonna think that I'm beautiful and amazing and attractive and he's gonna love

me for more than just my looks all the time. So if that's what I want, then why am I waking up every day checking to see if a guy that I am like talking to is liking my photos. That should be a non negotiable, That should be a duh, That should be a assumed thing, right, Like I'm in this identity of being chosen and liked and wanted every single day. So if I'm checking and I'm up and down on this emotional rollercoaster, goes to show me that I actually don't believe these

things about myself. I don't believe these things about my relationship. I'm not in alignment. And of course, kind of like what I just said,

you want your actions to align to what it is that you say that you actually want relationship or in any sort of treatment with a man. So you know you can't freaking say and I know I might. I'm not going to offend people whatever, I'm just gonna say it. You can't. My personal opinion, this is just my opinion. You can't be on Instagram posting your

body for every man to see. And I mean like when I mean your body, I mean like the excess of every single photo is every inch of your body very much so displaying an energy of like you're like an only fans girl. Okay, like let's just like imagine what that would look like. You can't put all that on social media and cry when men are dming you and only wanting to, you know what, like sleep with you or aren't taking you serious like that obviously, Like we have to be real with that.

And I'm not saying that we can't love ourselves and we can't like show off our features and this that whatever. That's fine, But it's just like something I realized was, Yeah, like it's no wonder that I'm getting these type of men when I'm posting these type of photos, or even when it comes to entertaining men who clearly are not moving the conversation forward. Stop entertaining and stop engaging with men who aren't being direct and aren't being clear and aren't

making plans and moving things forward. It's very simple, like, yes, there is a moment in time where we can like go have the back and

forth type of conversation with the man. But like if he's only talking about your physical attributes and he's only kind of like you know, like love bombing you, and you're not like there's no plan date, there's no like action moving forward, I would honestly put him in the category of like not serious, and I wouldn't be basing my happiness off of him, right Like I wouldn't be waiting for him message me and then I get happy and then when

he doesn't, Like I get sad, Like you can't base your happiness off of somebody who is like literally not even somebody that you want or you say that you want. And also dropping checking behaviors, dropping the thoughts that you

have before you post a photo, thinking oh will he like it, or oh I should post this type of photo to get this type of attention, Like stop those type of behaviors. If you find yourself about to post something, ask yourself, why am I posting it? Who am I posting it

for? And if it's simply for the mere fact of like hoping that you're going to have somebody like validate you in that way, and I mean like a male specifically this one guy you're probably obsessed with, I would just not do it, like honestly, like take a break from doing that kind of stuff, because that will help you not base your value and your worth off

of what someone else is doing. Like I just think that is something that I did for a period of time, Like I stopped posting the highly like you know, showing everything off all the time and being very aware of when it was I was posting things and why I was posting them, and I stopped entertaining men who it was very clear that they were love bombing me or just only having conversations with me based off of my physical appearance. Like,

you seriously have to stop playing into those type of conversations. Be very aware of what it is if a man is simply only talking to you for that. It's not to say that he can't compliment you and say that you're beautiful and say that you're attractive, like you guys know, but like, if that's all you're getting, don't even engage why because that's not aligned to what it is that you want in your relationships moving forward. You're very clear on

what it is that you want. And if you're entertaining a man who's bombing you only liking your photos when you're like half naked, only like commenting on your body, commenting on like whatever shit that's not important. Do not engage in that type of of conversation with a man. Now here's a few other things that helped me stop seeking male validation. And this is just a hard truth slash belief, and this is my truth in my belief, But I

do think most people will resonate with what I'm about to say. You have

to understand that looks are not everything, especially when it comes to men. And I know there might be like comments being like, oh, well, we shouldn't be thinking about like looks at all for men. Whatever. This episode is about seeking male validation, so we're talking about in relation to men,

So that's where I'm coming from with this. But genuinely, if you think about the healthiest men, and maybe you've never been around a lot of them, I know, like especially when I was like younger, like just boys are stupid sometimes, you know, and a lot of guys just play around and play games. But you know, as I got older, I realized the health men, the men that I actually want, the men that

I would want to marry, they don't only care about looks. And what I'm not gonna say is that men don't care about looks at all, because I really do think that they are like those physical creatures, they like to be attracted to their women. Although men have so many different types, so

you don't have to be the most flawless pitch a perfect girl. Like, genuinely, I've met so many men who just men have the way different tastes honestly than women even have, Like we look at ourselves so different than men. But whatever, that's another topic. But it's so much more important in

a relationship that we have things. And again this is not just about what we give to men, but that there is things more important than just looks, Like looks are only going to get you so far in a relationship.

So why is it that we are even seeking this male validation in terms of like physical attraction or thinking that we're just going to act a certain way or dress a certain way, or post an instagram a certain way, like that's going to get you to think, like that's going to get you what you want, which is like marriage at the end of the day, if you're being real with yourself, because it's absolutely not. There are things outside of

physical appearance that are so much more important in relationships. And when I realized

that looks are just the smallest piece of the puzzle when it comes to let's say, getting in a relationship or validation, which again I know this is not something we should have a huge focus on, and I will talk about that, but like if we are going to think about that, I started to be able to focus on other things outside of physical appearance, which was my personality what I'm doing for my career, what I'm doing with my life,

what I'm doing with my hobbies, friendships, these things which move me away from seeking male validation because I find we don't tend to look for males to validate those things in our lives. We're usually looking for men to validate us when it comes to physical appearance or just attention. So when I realized, okay, looks are not even the most important thing, I was able

to then focus on like things that did matter in my own life. But like simultaneously that allowed me to like detach from men because realistically, like when you work on those type of areas of your life, you tend to like not need to, like you just don't look for men to validate those things.

And you know, obviously everyone is different and maybe you do. But personally, for me, like it was really easy for me to kind of detox this attachment to men when I did focus on things like my own life, like building up my own life, and honestly, like when I was in my early twenties, I kind of like had to stop being I wasn't like boy crazy, but I had to stop being obsessed in that way when it came to like physical appearents or validation from men, because I had to

like get my ass up and work, like I had things to work on and goals to hit. And the more I worked on myself, the less I gave an f about my freaking Instagram photos, the less I the less I gave an f about, you know, entertaining a guy who wasn't gonna like do anything with me, because like I was busy, I didn't really

have time to entertain a guy. And focusing on myself and my life allowed me to also value things outside of a man just giving me simple attention, realizing, okay, you telling me I'm pretty doesn't really hit the same, Like that doesn't really do much for me, Like that's not gonna cut it. Like I need you to have a personality. I need you. Are you kind? Do you take care of me? Like are you a nice

person? Like all that kind of stuff. So really focusing on the areas of your life outside of physical appearance, outside of things that just don't obviously matter, like social media and things of that nature, or even thinking about, oh well, am I prettier than the other girl, or like he's going to choose me over her like that type of energy, like we don't need it. We're too old for that, even if you're really young, Like, let's not do that. Another thing that helped me not seek validation

is to take inventory of the people that I was hanging around and the men that I was interested in, but mainly the people that I was hanging around, the conversations that we were having, and the places that we were moving in. And I give this example a lot, And obviously this is just a blanket statement because I can go out into the club now and like not have this mindset based off of detoxing in a way from all these tips,

like using these tips. But when I didn't have a lot of self worth and I was seeking male validation a lot, the worst thing for me to do was to go to a lot of clubs where physical appearance is like the most important thing, or hang out with girls who were also highly insecure and only cared about guys, or just hanging out and talking and focusing on physical things that just didn't matter, right, like hanging out with girls where like

I already just said, like clubs and talking about guys and stuff, instead of like hanging out with people who cared about their careers or healthy behaviors or you know, not being obsessed with inte Like I heavily moved away from those people, places, and things, and that really allowed me to stop chasing the validation because I think like sometimes like you know, like when you're in those types of group settings, in those environments, it's kind of hard for

you to not care about your looks. Like it's hard to not care about your looks when you go to a club, like obviously, right, So I think like when you're trying to like rebuild your confidence, or you're trying to feel better about yourself, or you're trying to like distance yourself, like you really do have to like consider who you're moving around, the conversations that

you're having and remove yourself for a bit. It doesn't mean that you can't like ex out these friends or you can't go to a club, but again, like the people from the majority of the time, like let's say when you're going to clubs, like these men care about looks. These men don't a lot of the times like respect women, and like that's not what we

want, So why are we putting ourselves in these places? And then you know, talking to these men who clearly don't care about us, and then we're going upset when they don't text us back, or we're getting upset when they don't and invite us out to go to a dinner or marry us.

These are most likely not going to be the men that are gonna do that, because realistically, those men aren't moving in freaking clubs and staying up till four am and spending all their fraud money at the club downtown like I'm sorry, that's not usually where they're moving. And the last thing that I think

is important when it comes to not seeking male validation, obviously, is genuinely learning to tap into self love and accepting yourself and pouring into yourself, Because the more you pour into yourself and the more that you like yourself, the less you tend to chase, the less you like tend to care about whether

like somebody's gonna like your photo or not. The more you trust that you're really your ability to attract men is like higher because you just know that you're inherently worthy, and you like yourself and you love yourself, and you've been pouring into yourself, so you know you're not really worried about like when a guy's gonna come, or you know, like entertaining this stupidness because you know that you're this feminine, attractive being that a man will come to you because

you're inherently worthy and you're amazing. Of course, I think a lot of women struggle with this because a lot of us don't love ourselves. A lot of us don't think that we're attractive, a lot of us don't think that we're worthy of anything other than the bare minimum. And what I'll say to that is it's a healing journey realistically, Like this comes down to childhood things.

This comes down to not knowing what it even looks like to have consistent, healthy love in your life, moving through life, not feeling like you're worthy of anything other than whatever it is that you got handed you, moving through life thinking that you know, you're not as pretty as the other girl you thinking and being taught by other people around you that this is how you get love and attention, which is very skewed meaning especially online, like oh,

if you post this half naked photo of yourself, you're going to get a bunch of likes, and like that's going to get you attention when realistically the type of attention you're getting is not the right attention. But you don't necessarily know that. You just see on the outskirts like, oh, this girl has attention from this guy, but you don't understand that this guy actually is like not going to be the one that's going to marry her type of

energy. Things like that, Like, you have to understand your core wounds and the things that you are operating out of. And I mean, I do talk about this a lot in my book when it comes to rebuilding confidence within yourself and understanding where a lot of your insecurities come from, and really

working on that self love piece. So I would actually suggest purchasing my book if you want to dive more deep into learning your root causes of a lot of honestly like parts of you that you've denied and you've rejected and you don't like anymore because you know you really, if you want to stop seeking validation, you have to essentially validate yourself. And how do you validate yourself?

You look in your mirror, You look in the mirror sorry, and you say, oh my God, like I'm worthy, I'm good enough, I'm beautiful, I'm X, Y and Z. But it's hard for you to look at yourself like that if you have these beliefs of what well, I don't fit this box or this standard. So getting to the root as to why you even believe that about yourself can help you actually look in the mirror and say, oh my god, I'm amazing, I'm a lovable, I'm

actually unique, and I'm chosen, I'm wanted. But also on top of that is to pour into yourself is to stop focusing on the things that aren't going to get you what you want in your life, like spending so much time on social media and looking for those likes and entertaining men who literally are half asking your conversations, Like, that's not the things that are important.

The things that are important in your life is for you to pour into yourself, yes, focusing on your career, your finances, your friendships, your womanhood, like just really pouring into yourself. And when you do that, you're gonna be looking for healthier men as well, who are not just focused on your physical appearance and love bombing you and like focusing on that type of

valuation and giving that to you as well. And I and I'll say this, like you know it, actually, I'm really not attracted, And it like puts me off when men dm me that talk to me about something to do physically with my looks or they compliment to me on my looks like right away off the bat, Like for me, that's like kind of a red flag. And obviously I have to be careful with what I say because I'm

totally here for like a nice compliment. I get it, men are gonna think that I'm good looking if they're like reaching out to me, Like, obviously, that's totally fine. You don't have to like say it's a complete red flag. But it's just like because I don't prioritize that, I'm not looking for that in a message. So when I get that in a message to me, I'm just like, mm, that's not a line to what I want, because what I want is a man to look at me for

more than just that, and it's just not the most important thing. And that's also like I'm not going to give you a response that's going to confirm to you that, like that's what I care about as well. And I think that's what a lot of us do is we respond to those messages being like oh my god, like thank you so much, and then we start

entertaining it, and then you're just training him how to treat you. Like I'm not saying he's putting you in a box, but you're he's kind of putting you in a box depending on how you're responding in a way, and also like what you're posting online, what you value, what you're having a conversation about, Like these are all things realistically that people are responding based off of what you put out online, but also in person as well, So

just being aware of that and even when it comes to like the club example, for the most part, like men who are at the club, they're looking at these women as a certain type of women as well, right, so like, don't be walking into a club hoping that like a guy's gonna see you're worth and your value and like know that you're the wifey when realistically his mindset for the most part, not everyone, of course, for the most part, he's thinking, well, my wife wouldn't probably be at the

club getting blackout, wasted, twerking, you know what I mean. And again I want to be like very careful with what I'm saying here, like you can totally do that. You can have fun, and you could totally find your man of your dreams at a freaking random club like who knows, right, But I just mean like generally, like when when you go out and put yourself in these places, you're kind of like showing to men or to whoever, like this is what I value and this is what I care

about. And it's also not to say that you can't, like I just said, do these type of things and care about these things, because life is not always about showing men, you know, when I value or whatever, Like when I go if I ever go to a club, I don't care what men think about me because I'm not there for the man. But

I know that, right. But the problem that I had when I was twenty was I would be going to the clubs like hoping that I was going to like find that man and not understanding like, Okay, well I'm probably not gonna find him here because his values are not really aligned. But also like my values are not really aligned, So what do I even expect,

you know? And even when it came to Instagram as well, it's like I thought, well, like posting on Instagram, like I'm going to get this attention, which makes me feel good, but also like I'm expecting him to want a wife me, but realistically, like these actions are not really lining up. So you just have to be aware of what you're entertaining,

the conversations that you're having, and be real with yourself. Okay, you most likely want something that's more than what you're getting from half ass attention online and seeking them out. Male validation in terms of like feeling good for a second and then dropping down like don't you want to feel good all the time.

Don't you want to like decide that you or hot, you were amazing, you're worthy, you're beautiful, you're whatever in post and if he likes your photo or if he compliments you, or if he like whatever, that's just the cherry on top. And this is I said this in one of my main channel videos as well. It's like the way that I move through

life is basically this. I look at myself like I am a like solid, three layered cake, meaning like physically I think that I'm really attractive and I like fit my box of like what I think, and like I love that about me. Mentally, I think I'm on point and financially career wise, like my life in terms of responsibilities are like on par Like i feel like I'm a solid like cake and I'm amazing, and I'm looking for somebody

who matches that energy. But I'm just looking for somebody who matches that energy. But also when that person, let's say, says, oh my god, your mental, your physical, your life, your whatever is amazing, it's simply just a cherry on top of the cake. But like even if that cherry is like not there, I'm still solid and I'm not going on

this like emotional roller coaster. So when I'm posting a photo of myself, I've already decided that I have these three layers and I'm amazing and I'm great, and I love this photo and amazing, and if he likes it, amazing, I'm also like not looking for a guy to like specifically like a photo, but like you know, like if I do see somebody who I'm like, oh, I know he's a cutie, and like whatever he's following

me, I'm like, that's really great. But like also I already knew that he was gonna like it, because obviously because I look at myself that way, and I think that we just need to move through life like that because you know when a guy, let's say, doesn't like your photo, well you're not gonna be pressed because you still have that in neat self worth within you. But also if he does, it's kind of like okay,

cool, like that's a little treat and like whatever. But you can also like go to sleep not being on this emotional roller coaster, Like, let's not be on this emotional roller coaster. It's wild to me, and you have to think about, like what are we gonna live our lives like constantly being under the shackles of what a man is gonna say to us, whether he's gonna respond to our text messages or not, and you're gonna have like a good day or not. Like I used to do that all the time.

It's so sickening to me, like in terms of wasting my time and my energy in my day, like not having a good day because he didn't text back. You didn't text back, Okay, great, I don't really care. It's irrelevant to me because I'm still great and I'm still gonna have a great day and I still think that I'm amazing. And if you don't like if you are on that moment rollercoaster, then obviously the foundation of you is a little bit weak because maybe you haven't been pouring into yourself, which

is totally fine. Then that is when you need to take that attention away from the man, because the man is irrelevant. It's really fucking irrelevant. Sorry for swearing, and put your focus into yourself. So building yourself up. I'm not saying your confidence is just gonna come out of thin air. Okay, I get it. Like I've worked on myself. Okay. I wake up in the morning and I take care of myself. I go to the gym, I eat right, I move my body, I educate myself.

I've created a life in which I feel safe in and I feel happy in, and I'm not relying on somebody else to make me feel happy or paying my bills type of energy like any of that, which is totally fine, by the way, if you want to get help from somebody, I'm not saying that, but you know what I'm saying. All of that has really allowed me to stand in my worth and just know my worth when it

comes to being in any sort of relation with a man. And so the days that he doesn't text me, or the days that he doesn't say that I'm pretty, or the days that he doesn't like my Instagram photo, like, it's very irrelevant to me. It doesn't throw me off. I'm also not even searching for those things because my mind is focused on the things that I personally care about, which is not a physical thing, which is not you liking my Instagram, which is whatever. Because I also know, like

I said, that that's not the only thing that matters. I'm not looking for a man who only cares about whether I'm pretty or not. Quite frankly, like, that's not going to help me in times of hardship. Is like the fact that you think that I'm pretty, Like we have like more pressing issues, like and I think about my future and and the fact that I want children, the fact that I want family, the fact that I

want friendship. I want so many beautiful, important things in my life that that don't require me to look like a hot Instagram girl or like for me to get attention, you know what I mean. So, so that was a rants, but I hope this episode helped in any capacity. Please don't be like those toxic girls on TikTok and as much as they want to convince themselves that they feel so amazing about themselves and they have confidence, and like

whatever, I'm winning, they're not winning. You're not winning by having that mindset. You're not winning by tearing other women down. You're not winning by like feeling good about yourself by tearing other women down. But also like we're not winning when we're constantly just seeking validation And that's totally fine because we all like have that phase. And also like it's totally fine that you like you're anticipating like a text if you like really are talking to a new guy,

or like it feels good to like have a guy like your photo. I'm not saying like rid every single thing, but like I'm talking to the ones who are like always on the emotional roller coaster. If you're on that emotional roller coaster, give yourself a little bit of a period of time where you're doing this like little detox of like, okay, being very intentional with the type of photos that I'm posting on Instagram or the things that I'm putting out

online. Who is it for? Let me be real with myself. Also, let me be real with what it is that I actually want in my life in terms of relationships and the treatment from men and the conversations that I want to have. And I'm going to say no to everything that is not in alignment in that, Like let's just be dead ass with that, Like, let's be real, We basically all want the same thing on this channel. I mean, not everyone, so I'm not gonna say basically, but

you know what i mean. Stop also moving around people who just trigger you into, you know, having low self esteem and moving in places where, again they don't align to what you're wanting people to see you as, but also like what you're looking for in people. And this even goes to like friendships too, and know that it's a journey. But honestly, the main thing is, though, is the more you pour into yourself, you will

start to see you seek validation less and less. The more you care about your finances, your career, your life path, your friendships, your like day to day habits, and you stop putting the focus on men and you put it on yourself, Like girl, You're gonna feel so much better about

yourself at the end of the day. Like men, Oh my god, listen, last thing I'll say about men and I know that there's some men who watch and listen to this podcast, and I love you guys, but like, in relation to what we're talking about right now, they are like the least important thing. Like there are like a thousand million things more important than men and their attention. Okay, I promise you that. And I know sometimes it feels like it's like that's like the most important thing, but

I promise you it's just really not. And it doesn't mean that you can't have that cherry on top, but I promise you the validation and the acknowledgment that you're gonna get from men. Feel it feels so much better when you move through life like that three layered cake instead of like a shell of nothing, and then you're just like waiting for that cherry, you know what I mean? All Right, that's gonna be everything. I hope you guys enjoyed

this episode. By the way, if you're watching on YouTube, don't forget to subscribe, because I checked my analytics and around forty two percent of you are not subscribed. It's fine, all you have to do is subscribe. Not gonna be mad. And if you want to check out my book, I feel like I went on a rant about my book and then I just like stopped talking about it. If you want my book, it's called The Ultimate Globe Guide. It is going to be released January thirtieth, and if

you pre order you will get a journal prompt guide. All the links down below. You can get on Amazon in Togo wherever you get your books, that'll be down below. But it was so crazy because I went on Instagram today and a girl posted a photo of my physical book at the I don't know actually where she was, but she's obviously at a bookstore and they already

had it. And if you guys don't know, my release date got pushed back to January thirtieth, but my publishing house did say that sometimes they push it back and then they still have them in stock, like earlier at the original release date, which was originally January ninth, So some of you might be receiving your books before that time, or maybe if you go into a bookstore you might see it. So definitely tag me on the podcast and my

personal Instagram Alicia Gogan, and the podcast is The Globe Secrets. Everything will be down below The Globe Secrets Podcast, I should say, but I'm really excited for you to get you guys stick at the book. But yeah, that'll be it for today's episode and i'll see you the next one. Bye.