A Hero's Journey-Intentional Living and Personal Transformation with Byran J. Hurd from the Evolution Project

Walked into the room , there was Brian , gave us an opportunity to actually get to know each other on a personal level . We've been able to hang out many times since then . Many of these men's group meetings have kind of driven me to really respect Brian and I've been able to do some events .

He runs a really cool project we're going to talk about today that I've been able to attend and go to , and really a life-changing event . We'll let Brian introduce himself and his family , but I'm super excited to have you here today , brian . Welcome to the Gentleman Project Podcast .

It's been out for about four months Loving that experience . We're loving it as his parents . It's been really cool to watch him go through that and have that experience . My 16-year-old Rostin , awesome , fun guy . I really feel like he's one of my really good friends . Rostin's very entrepreneurial minded . He's very kinetic . Just one flipping car .

This is the one that flips cars like very entrepreneurial .

This kid rolled on tattoos every part of his body and he's like throwing spears and like into the coconuts and stuff , and he's actually doing this . And so a fun fact about my kids is my wife is from India . She was adopted and she was three months old , so our children look like ethnic right .

They have brown eyes and darker skin , and so the joke is is like Colin's a big kid . He almost looks Polynesian , right .

And then Anders is , you know , the light of our lives and you know that Lake Caboose , my wife Chandi . She's amazing . We've been married for 20 years this year and she's just awesome . She's everything that I'm not . You know it's interesting . I married my opposite and that's been like a really interesting thing to go through in life .

Right , because it's like she covers all my blind spots and I don't know . It's just something that my younger self couldn't have foreseen . You know what I mean . I appreciate it more as I get older . That'd be the right way to say it .

Or I'm old enough to say this now , or I'm old enough to realize this , because something you have to understand about Brian is he's probably my most mindful friend and he's always looking at things through a different lens than I do and he kind of like invites you to look through a different window than what you're currently looking out of .

And you know , he's encouraged me and he's said things to me that just make sense in my brain and he's mindful and very , very purposeful in what he says and what he does .

And so if you're listening to the podcast today , like that's just and you get that sense , brian is a very , very mindful guy and he spends a lot of time on self-improvement , spends a lot of time in his own head , right , and I think I'm saying that as a good thing .

Therefore , failures are not failures , it's just progress towards me , and you know the concept of evolution , for example . Right , it's this continual improvement . I just like to think of my life as like a conversation . You know , you can say with God , you can say with life , you can say with higher power , you can say whatever .

But I think that when I can put purpose to my experiences in life , good and bad , it makes things make more sense and it gives me a deeper well of gratitude to like go forth and live my life from , which is not . I've not always been like that , guys , I was going to ask you that .

How did that come to you and , like , where did that come from ?

I believe that , like I used to brand myself as the most positive person I knew , now , on the surface that sounds pretty cool , but if I went a couple layers deeper with that same person and I'm talking like this is probably when I was in my 20s I can remember when I would write in my journal during that period of time in my life , like my goal was I

want to be the most positive person that I know , and I branded myself with that , create a lot of identity around it .

The challenge to that is is I gave myself a window of emotions that I allowed myself to feel , because if I wanted to be the most positive person I knew , I had to be very careful about feeling good all the time is really what I was going for .

So what I found is is I created this like emotional spectrum where it was like I want to feel good , I don't want to feel bad too long and I don't want to feel really great too long , because if I feel great too long , something's bound to take me down to good and I hate how I feel when I'm bad . I can't be with my own emotions of feeling bad .

How on earth could I sit with somebody else , but for a while , like that was the conversation with life . I'm the most positive person . I know , anything that happened in my life . I'm like going to find the rainbow in it , right .

Until one day I realized like I think I'm missing the conversation Because if I'm limiting the feelings that I can actually feel in my life , there's other feelings that want to teach me something that I'm not allowing .

Like I'm stuffing those emotions , I'm ignoring those emotions and my belief is is that at some point the volcano erupts , at some point we get revealed to ourselves ultimately , but it's going to come out . It's just when . For me , that was COVID . Covid , for me , was there were things boiling in motion , but COVID is what you know .

That was the kicker for me , because I couldn't do it anymore , you know , and what's cool is and that's exactly why I'm here where I'm at right now .

You know , without getting I mean , I can get in more in the story of that , but the short version I realized that we have emotions for a reason and that when I'm able to feel all my emotions , I can grow significantly as a person and my compassion and my ability to sit with somebody else increases because I'm okay with myself .

Before , if someone was going into like the uncomfortable part of me , I'd make you laugh , right ? And guys do this all the time . Right ? Correct a joke , change the subject , right ? Yeah , because I don't really want to go there with you , because I don't really want to know how you're doing it's true .

The joke that I used to have is I'd get up and from the time I brushed my teeth until the time I had lunch , I wasn't making a lot of decisions because I was just kind of on autopilot .

Right , Don't get showered , get dressed , eat a quick breakfast , drive to work , drop my kids off , get on my way to work , answer some emails , right , make a couple phone calls , make sure my plans go for the day , and then it's like lunch . I'm like , oh , what do I want to eat today ?

And so COVID was a pattern , interrupt so all this and I was taken away from all the things in my life that create identity , that keep me comfortable , and I actually got to sit with myself . A lot of people did , and we saw this I mean , corey , I'm sure you saw this within your company right , people were working from home and they had some time to sit .

And you know and , by the way , I didn't mean to single like your company out , but in general , right , like , yeah , a lot of people , divorce rate went up during that period of time . Right , a lot of people changed jobs . A lot of people , you know , spent time with their family . A lot of people pursued their passions . A lot of people felt depression .

A lot of people like , fill in the blank , but we had a space where I didn't have to go into my matrix every day and I had to sit with it . So I , I , I too , did that . Right , and for me , the first part of COVID was I needed to be the guy running a real estate team at that time , and so I had to be the guy .

So it didn't really matter how I felt , I just needed to keep showing up . And you know , during that period of time , how are we going to show houses , how are we going to sell houses ? What does this look like ? And you know , there was probably a two month period where the real estate market kind of slowed significantly .

You're kind of like , how are we going to do this ? And then everybody knows how that went . After that , right , crazy For me , what happened is I hit this place where I had , I had ideas in my head and things that I wanted to pursue that I pushed off for years and with good excuses , right , good , intense , but not really any action towards it .

And so I kind of had one day where everything kind of just came to a head . I didn't feel like me it's probably the closest that I would define that I felt to depression . I don't know fully what depression feels like , but I imagine what I felt felt like that I didn't want to talk to anybody . I got up that morning , I started to get ready .

I ended up just going back to bed until 11 o'clock , which I'm like a 5am kind of guy and , as the story goes , I'm laying there in my bed and I'm just like I don't want to do anything today . I don't want to talk to anybody .

I don't , I don't want to , I just want to be today and I get a phone call from a friend and I've known this person for probably 15 years at this point and her name is Michelle . She's like a life coach kind of person and she was calling just to check in on me , like say hello .

And when the call comes in , I look at my call and I'm like I don't , I don't really want to talk right now . And I go to like ignore the call and somehow it picks up and I find myself in a conversation with her and she asks how you've been doing , to which I'm like I'm going to smoke screen this , I'm going to shut this down fast .

Doing fine man COVID sucks , just trying to get through things right , just surface facade . But I actually told her the truth and I was like , honestly , I'm like I'm going to funk right now and she's like what's wrong ? And then I just went off and I was telling her all the things that I had no control over that were bucking me .

You know , it's talking about the monetary system , I was talking about COVID , I was talking about mandates , I was talking about all these things that in my mind , were just things that bugged me , that I had no control over . And then she says to me , she says , man , that must be really difficult . And I was like , yeah , yeah , it's difficult .

And then she's like so what are you going to do about it ? And that was like that was like the gasoline soaking on the fire . I was like I'll tell you what I'm going to do about it . Nothing , there's nothing I can do about it . And then I just ramped it up , probably for another five minutes . Probably sounded like a madman , you know .

And then she just sat there and she said that must be really a difficult place to be . And then I said , yeah , it is . And she said so what do you want to do about it ? Like in a different tone , kind of changing the question a little bit , I sat there and then that's where the real stuff hit .

And when I talk about , when we stuff like it's going to come out at some point , that's when it came out for me and before I know it I'm crying , talking to her and I'm telling her about how I feel like I'm dying inside .

And for years I talked about how I wanted to do this men's retreat and I hadn't done a thing and I'd started and stopped , and started and started and stopped . And I just felt like I said this is something I'm supposed to do and I've known it for a long time and I just haven't done it and I feel like I'm dying inside .

So I told her and she said well , what are you going to do ? And I said I don't know . I mean , I got the time to finally do something like this . But I said I have no idea where to start . And she said well , I've done a couple of these types of things .

And she said all you need is a date and you need to figure out roughly how much it's going to cost , and we can figure everything out . After that I was like , okay , and she goes tell you what . I want you to make a list of people that you think would want to come to something that you've been you want to create .

You don't need to know all the details , you just need to know the date . We can figure everything else out . So I want you to write a list of five to ten people . I want you to call them and I want you to see who wants to go . And you need to figure out how much this thing is going to cost .

So , like you know , to rent a facility , it's probably going to be this much and you're going to have to bring in food , you're going to have to do this stuff . So I figured out a cost of what it would be .

And then she says here's the deal I'll help you get started , but if you want me to go through the whole process with you , you need to write me a check for $5,000 because I want you to show up . And then she said I'll be on a phone call with you every Thursday and I'll make sure this happens .

I won't let you sell , because I told her I self sabotage . So I know what I'm going to do . I'm going to get like 80% done and I'll freaking burn it down , right . And she said no , I'll make sure you do it , but I need you vested in it and , like you know , let's do that .

So the next day wrote her a check and I called my list , called my really good buddy up first and I started telling him about it and I am fumbling through it . Hey , his name is Blake .

I'm like , hey , blake , I'm thinking about doing this thing that I kind of told you about a couple years ago , and it's going to be in September and like this is June , okay , and I'm like it's going to be cool and I really like you to come and it's going to be $1,000 . But if you can't do that , that's okay , I just want you to come .

And then , magically , what do I hear ? Venmo , ding , ding . Hey , cleared my schedule . I'll be there . I'm really looking forward to it . So I call it Michelle and I go . Somebody said yes , and they actually sent money to me and she goes good , now you won't quit . And that was it . That was the start .

. So my life's in like three containers . That's the simple version . Obviously , relationships are what guide my life , first and foremost my family , right ? That's the most important pillar in my life . I sell real estate . I sell residential real estate . Done that for almost 18 years . That's what kind of pays the bills .

I feel like I'm good at it and I enjoy doing it . Evolution project is meaningful work in my life . It's something I super enjoy and I do believe as time goes on , it will continue to grow . Right now , I mean , it's something I do a handful of times throughout the year .

We do some events throughout the year and invite people to it , and you know there's definitely another conversation to have around that as it continues to grow .

I've been trying to let it like organically manifest in my life because there's a tendency that I want to turn everything into a business and what I found is every time I started to really kind of like dig into it that way , it felt a little weird and I think part of it was I just needed to get more reps .

You know , if you came to the first one and you came to the last one , like you can tell they're in the same category , but the level that they're being done at now is a way higher level than when I start , like anything in life . Sure , sure you know I love it , though I mean it's . It's definitely like a calling in life .

For sure , I mean it's something that's I feel very much on purpose when I'm in that space .

I believe that people know what they need to do If they slow down a little bit and they disconnect and they reconnect with self and with source . You know , I think it's very healthy to have a place where you can do that and come back into your life .

And you know , as you lead people and your family and your children , there's a responsibility for you to be your best self . And oftentimes the leader is the one that is the most neglected , right , because they're trying to hold the space for everybody and it's kind of backwards when you think about it .

And so for me , the Evolution Project became a way to self discover for myself through facilitating experiences with other men in nature where we can disconnect from the world to reconnect with ourselves . One of the things that we go over in the experience is the hero's journey we talk about that . It's a really good framework to utilize to help people .

I believe that the way my brain works , at least , is if I can understand something contextually in like a container .

It helps me make sense of myself Because , left to my own demise , my own devices , like , I can take myself to the woodshed if I want to right , and I can get really stuck in my patterns , right , and when I have a context that I can look at something from , it gives me a way to look at it and see myself in it .

So , for example , like the hero's journey , it's like the oldest framework in storytelling that we know of . You have a hero . He lives in an ordinary world . Right , there's a call to adventure . He ignores the call . He denies the call , right , because he wants to stay in his old life .

Something happens , he answers the call and says , okay , dude , something's got to change . Right , we always use the framework of , like Star Wars , right , lord of the Rings , lord of the Rings . But you could really use almost any Disney story . It's true , it's the framework they use for Pixar . And you know , you cross a threshold Shortly after .

Here comes the mentor . You have allies , you have villains , you have battles , you have challenges . It leads to the inner cave and in the inner cave , the hero is always revealed to himself . The dragon is down there guarding the treasure . There's a death along the way , usually an ego death . I'm not the person that I used to be anymore . I've changed .

I see myself differently . I get back on the path . I'm immediately tested again . Did I really change ? Did I really rebirth ? I overcome the challenge . Usually , the challenge is an internal challenge and an external challenge . That's happening with the hero , right ? So Luke Skywalker his external challenges is dude . If I don't figure this out , the galaxy is gone .

Internal challenge Darth Vader is my father . Am I that guy ? Do I have the darkness in me ? Which the answer is yes , we all have the darkness in us . That's the very thing that makes us human in recognizing it . It's incredibly powerful Because all your gifts are in the shadows .

But it's scary as hell to go into the shadows Because we don't want to know what we already know , right , and then we choose to . Ultimately , I believe it's a mixture of like , embrace and overcome . The more energy that I push something away with , the more energy I'm actually giving it right . So this is with my feelings .

When I talked to the beginning right . I said I want to feel good . I got my parameters of what good means and anything outside of those parameters . Get me out of it as fast as possible . Pattern , interrupt me , make it funny , change the subject , stuff the emotion .

But there was so much more for me to experience outside of that and that was the gift , right . And then the hero comes back to where he left , but he's not the same guy that he used to be . He's a different person and even though he's entered the ordinary world again , he's not the same person that he used to be . And then what happens ?

Another hero's journey . And this is the story , this is the human story , and what's cool is is like I love to share that framework with men .

Because everything's just mirroring back in and it changes the game , because your consciousness will rise and you'll be sitting in spaces and you will feel the triggers hit right . Judgment is my trigger for sure . Why do I judge ? Because there's a lot of reasons why I judge , of course , but it's self-protection of my own ego is ultimately what I'm doing , right ?

So what's the opposite of judgment ? Curiosity . So like what if I sat next to the person that's triggering me ? Let's figure out what's going on with that . Introspectively , look at my life Now .

It doesn't mean I'm gonna be friends with everybody , but there's a lesson in all this stuff and , once again , hero's journey is a framework for me to have my conversation with life . Yeah , and when you understand it , like , I remember sitting and talking with you on the bridge over the water you had probably a 25 , 30 minute conversation .

I wanna be like the charismatic dude that's saying , like , go for it , because the world's gonna be a better place . When you sing your song , when you write your book , when you do your thing , when you show up as a husband , when you show up as a father , that's the juice .

So I just gave you a really long answer , corey , but like it's soul work , it's real soul work .

But I think all of us , myself included , get on this treadmill tactical place Totally , like you said , going through the most . No , we don't have goals , not that we don't wanna improve , it's not that we don't want to progress , having continuous improvement .

But you don't really do those things unless you get out of your own way for a minute , unless you get out of that treadmill life and take a break and say , okay , but am I really , yeah , tap into a higher power ? Am I really doing the things I should ? Am I actually progressing on who I wanna become ?

But I like the hero's journey of thinking through that because I think it makes it more palatable Totally .

It feels like it's intense work , like you're not sitting there just shooting the breeze very much . Brian has it scheduled all day , yeah , and you sleep very good at night .

The activities during the day are formulated around this hero's journey and it's neat because while he's teaching it and facilitating this conversation , you're having the conversation in your own head , but you're also doing something and I learned that way . Yeah , it's kind of like the gentleman project . You learn it when you write it down .

Then you move on to the next thing . You know , like when we're talking about leaving home and going across the void , like the point of no return , you know we're walking across the bridge , like I remember that in my head . Yeah , Well , do you remember ? I ?

I know they are having a full dialogue in their head and this is what's so cool Every framework . So , just so you know , here's the magic . There's five frameworks that we go through . Every framework has a topic , a group discussion , a physical activity because I believe we learn in movement , right .

And then we call it an upload , where there's a period of time Everyone gets a really cool journal . They're really nice and there's an upload where you get to write what that means to you , because I believe that we're always on to ourselves .

I believe that's a very true principle and if we can create a space that's safe enough to fully feel and step into it , like , watch what happens and I'm telling you there's some amazing things that happen in that exercise , because I truly believe that you just meet people where they're at .

My job at the Evolution Project is to gather the group to make it safe and to flow through structure . So , not be rigid , right , be like water . I'm flowing through structure because we do have an intention of what we wanna cover , but I don't ever want to cut it short .

There's flex time in between , because there's moments where it's like we actually need to dig into this a little bit more and we actually need to sit with this a little bit more . There is an art and a science to everything , right ? So the art is the beauty . Right , that's the creative , that's the flow , that's the state .

When you can be in an art with something , right , you can just be moving with it , dancing with it . Science right , that's mathematical . Right , that's structure , and you need both . And like that to me is is the magic ? It's . How do you have ? What is the art and science of connection in men's work ? What is the art and science of that ?

Now , I have some theory on that , but I'm telling you God blessed men with lion hearts . That's what he did .

We are protectors , we are providers , we take the hill , we'll do anything for our family In lieu of being connected to my lion heart , we get weak , we fall into addiction , right , we lose that conversation with life , and then you're just a pawn To get knocked off .

Number one number two I love them unconditionally Doesn't mean I always agree with them , but I love them unconditionally . That's never gonna change and I want them to know that they can . They've been given gifts and talents and I want them to . I will do anything for them to learn their gifts and talents with God . God's gonna teach him .

You know , my son went on a mission . That was kind of my conversation with God . I said , hey , I Got him there . Now you get to have a really interesting conversation with my son over the next two years and the conversation I with Camden is , as I said , I'm here for you .

I'm on the other side of the world , I'm 15 hours away , 15 hours time zones away from you , and Anything I can do , I will be there for you .

But you got to connect the source and You're gonna have a really great experience and you're gonna get to learn something about yourself , because my , my theory is , if somebody understands those things , they can navigate the storms Doesn't make it any easier . We can weather way more than we think we can when we have a framework . I , I like . I call it God .

You know , some people call it higher source or whatever they want to call it , but I don't care what you call it . Anybody that gets into that conversation quickly realizes that the world , the universe , is bigger than them .

He is , he is a curious Love's culture . He he actually adapted to Singapore and Malaysia incredibly quickly Because that was in his ethos , you know , and that was intrinsically who he is . Rostin . What is hot ? Rostin's kinetic . He wants to touch his hands , he wants to watch the video and then go do it .

He's the guy that's figuring out how to change the brake pads on the car with a YouTube video and Then having his buddy's dad come over and say is it okay ? But I'm his biggest fan . Who's chairing them on ? Dude , this is freaking awesome . How can I help , right , colin ?

Colin loves basketball , so anytime somebody invites me to a jazz game , if there's an extra ticket , okay , I bring my son . Most of the time , if there is , they don't care , you know ? And Colin , I'm telling you , dude , one of the things unique about Colin is is he was born deaf , but we didn't catch it because long story , but he has cochlear implants .

So he was basically deaf for the first three years of his life . So why , god ? Well , he didn't have the ability to communicate verbally very well and he missed hearing a lot of things . God gave that kid a million dollar smile that can melt anything and , and he is just , he's just got a presence about him that , like , eases the room .

Everybody loves Colin , you know , and that's what I'm saying like , these are the gifts , these are the gifts , and my job is to help my children embrace these gifts . Be like dude . God made you this way , man , you're gonna change the world .

it . I have another question for you . Yeah , brother , so oh , you had this caboose . Your youngest is what ? It's your youngest name ? Your four-year-old ?

You went through a couple hero stories probably yeah , time frame right yeah can you Tell us , are there some things that stick out with you to say yeah , I'm doing a couple things different . Yeah , you know , maybe they weren't even wrong the first time . I'm just a different person , so I'm doing it different this time .

Thank you , anders .

But there were absolutely days where I left the house well before they got up and I came home . Well , after they got home , they went to bed and you know I Would try to coach their soccer team or do those things . And this again , I don't think I was like a bad father , but I was very much in a survival state during that period of time .

You know , fast forward to have Anders basically in 2019 , completely different stage of life . Anders is getting a different experience In the sense that this child is full of . If I had him in here today , you can feel his spirit .

I don't know how to describe it , but he , he just has like a joyful , loving , curious Like this morning he was talking to me about like he's into sharks right now . And so what does he do ? He's got these like little magnet sharks and there was like a it's a called . It's like a ghost shark , I can't remember the name , but it's supposed to .

When it bites it's like the fastest shark bite and he's watching me a YouTube video and he's telling me about this shark as he watches the video and I . It's that presence that I can bring . We're reading Charlotte's web right now before he goes to bed every night . And my first child I read books with .

Second child , a little bit more tired third child I'm like I'm just trying to make a house payment right now . Right , and so Anders has had a very different experience and I will tell you he has been one of my greatest teachers .

Yeah , I feel like God Kind of said to me like I know you don't have this planned , but I got something planned for you that , if you really lean into this , it's going to change your life , and Truly .

I remember I was in a Goldman Sachs 10,000 small business class cohort and I'm driving home from the class and my wife goes can you stop by and pick up a pregnancy test ? And my first thought is is like , well , she's not pregnant . So I'm like who's pregnant ? Is there ?

Like a youth in the neighborhood that wants a pregnancy test or something like that Like , why would she ask me to get a pregnancy test ? So I come home and I'm like here Because , by the way , after our third child we took a break . But after a couple of years we're like , let's try to have one more kid . Nothing For like four or five years .

And I just remember thinking , dude , maybe the factory is like shut down , like maybe it doesn't matter , you know . And so the thought of being pregnant , like was such a foreign idea to me . And when she was pregnant I remember I googled like what's the air frequency on this thing ? What does it really look like ? Is this really the right thing ?

And it's spun us because we were already going to the next stage hey , our kids , by the time we're like in our mid 40s , they're going to be out . Where are we going to be ? What are we going to do ? And it was just like the not so fast , dude , I'm going to give you the greatest gift of your life that you did not know was coming . And it shook us .

And I say that in the right term . I don't ever want to come off children's , children's blessings from God and I don't want to come off that like that . But I'll just tell you it was , it was . It was a very big surprise to both of us and one of the best things in my life for both of us .

So it's good I'm bringing them into the podcast room next time , great Bring them in .

It's already out there , 801-574-5698 . Next evolution project the third Friday of April and May this year . Cory , I'd love for you to come if there's an opportunity for you to do that . I realize you're probably really busy , man . Oh look , that's when we have the next ones coming up . Start 8am Friday morning . Camp Oakley , camus , utah , right up Weaver Canyon .

You know it's beautiful , the tier below heaven you know , yeah , it's gorgeous up there when I'm in that space . Man , you're really good at it , by the way .

So anything else that that you wanted to say , do you want to say anything to your kids on the podcast ? Oh my gosh .

She's like I'm glad you're doing this , I know it's important to you , which is awesome .

To me , that's the ultimate gentleman . The ability to love myself translates directly into the ability that I can love other people and it doesn't sound very manly and I will also tell you , it's the most manly thing you can possibly do .

He is a great therapist Not a therapist , I know this , I know this . But you're a great friend and I appreciate the time that you've given me that way . Thanks everybody , have a great week . I'm Kirk Chug .