EP 96: Ne'Keisha's Story

Bix Fields from the streets. Hello, where are you at? This is o G Gangster Granny and the Gangster Chronicles podcast is back in effect. Get ready for some of that G ship and blaze up some wanna met. We like to welcome you to another episode of the Gangster Chronicles podcast and I'm with my homeboys Jake, Jill and Man. We have a really um poignant story today, Man, sad story. I don't know how this brother actually maintained his composure

the way he did. Uh. We have Kevin Hawkins from Michigan City, Indiana here today and he has an incredible story. Pretty much daughter goes out one night. Right yeah, now we're you're a word of where she was going. And she told me she was going somewhere else. Right, Yeah, she told me she was going to Papa house. But you know when you feel somebody lying, I just felt it, but she didn't. But she didn't really trip on the

act on it. Right. No. I wanted to tell her stop, but I'm just like, go no. I told her, when you get to your Papa house, you called me as soon as you get over there, m and they called. Never came right now. She called the house, but she called her mom and said, mom, nay over here fighting. I was like at Papa house. She was like, I said, I knew y'all was lying. I said, you go over there and get her and bring her ass home. So my wife should go over there. Fifteen minutes later she

called me. She was like, ke'sh your dead on the phone up called back keeps your dad. I on the phone up and just sat there and I got another phone call from one of my boys. He was like frost. I was like, come get me, said, I'm downstairs. And so you found out that your daughter had been shot because some guy pulls out of pistol and gets the shooting at the party house party. I'm not correct. This

is like knows traffic light party or something. They were saying, just like pretty much a little gathering where you forgather that and gather that and congregating. Dude pulls out of gun, shoots into the crowd and kills his daughter. Yeah, my thirteen year old son was standing right next to her and thirteen year old man. And this is this is called a traffic black part. It was that they made up and if you got old read you with somebody yellow that you might them do something green. It's just

you single with some stuff like that. Wow, just something they're doing it and you know that in the whole trade. Then this matter because Charles Gearing he received the sentence of fifty years for the two thousand and eleven This happened back in two thousand and eleven. How long did it take for it to come because the shooting actually happened.

When did the shooting actually happened? It happened at night at night, But we four days four days before birthday July two thousand and eleven, four days before birthday birthday July. She got a casking for eighteen birthday, so and he didn't get sentenced to two thousand seventeen though, Yeah, birthday

on your birthday, so it takes um. I'm not the best mathematician in the world, but I know that from two thousand and eleven two thousand seventeen, that's entirely too long for justice to wait for justice to be served. When you're going, you're going too far. Because initially he got with thirty days doing a trial. When they first started getting up getting at him and stuff. They tried to give him thirty to forty days and uh, work

release they was talking about. We were went to court on a Tuesday, so we was downstairs with the d A and all that. They didn't want to do their job. So there's the only thing we can get him was thirty to forty days and work release. I told him I wasn't going for that ship had he had he been identified as they identified him all what was that thirty to forty five minutes after the shooting in two

thousand and eleven, they got it all on tape. A little kid thought he was fised to record a fight when they got the acting up, but he recorded the shooting and the police had it the whole time. They just ain't like me days. What kind of ship is that? How can you even attest to a mon fucking getting thirty to forty five because you don't want to do your job so you feel like just fuck it. And

that's where we got right there for it exactly. And and the thing about it is this, you have proof, you have someone of this actually videotaped this man committing these acts of cronics on video, and you don't go do nothing. He should have been picked up immediately. Yeah, he should have been picked up immediately. And the whole thing is you brought the fight to him though you wouldn't go allow that to happen. No, Like one morning, I was sleeping in my phone and started chiming and chiming.

By this time, excuse me, by this time the kids that came up in the age. So I'm steady getting chimes on Facebook from people that I didn't know. I'm like, what the looking at the thing, and it's them talking about my daughter's murder. They're arguing about it, like five years later. So I get up and go to the police station and took it down there and showed them. They told me they can't do nothing for me. So I said, hey, man, you go to evidence and y'all

have been knowing this. There's like we all we ain't gonna do nothing for you. So I told him I'm asleep in this police station. So they kicked me out of there. So the next day I got up, I went back home. The next day, I waited to my wife to go to work, and then I would put the police station and asked again, is y'all gonna help me? They said no, I'm all right, I got something for you. So I drove back home, got a picture of my daughter, went to the store. I got to post the board

and wrote justice for Keisha and hunk your horns. And I didn't even know how to do Facebook live. I just looked on my Facebook hit live and it said three to one, and I know in the industry that means action. So that's what I did. I went live. And that's what you did. So how long did this fight go on with you and the police to apartment after that or before that? After that? You know, after that, from the time you're going up to the station, you're

protesting everything. How long did that? How long had that gone? Oh? They are I think it was before Christmas then, because it was in I think it was in November when I went alive, and before Christmas they had one picked him up. But they came to my house and I told them, if you're doing this just to shut me up, or y'all playing games, it's really funna be all. Exactly what I want to know is, you know, all of

us up here, fathers, fathers, we all got children. And that's the phone call that you never want to get, that you're a child, that you brought them to this world is no longer here because somebody has decided to take upon theirselves to end their life. How did you not just go get a pistol and blow everybody's brains out in that city? They had something to do with it. I tried to one night. I got upset, found them

and I had got a backpack. I had three hundred rounds in there and I had a gun, and UM, take your time, man, take your time. I'm sorry, bro, take your time. As you know, as father's man, it's really like it's a situation to where, um, you know you want to be a dad, you want to be a parent to your kids, and you want to trust your kids that they will be safe when you let them go out, because, like I said, I got a

sixteen ye olds plays football. He's out there. Um, I'm trying to give him that that talk, you know what I'm saying to where you gotta watch your surroundings and the people you be around, because even though you think motherfucker's might be cool and perfect, you never know in the situations, and you want to give your kids lenien see because you don't want to be that you know, tight grip ass motherfucking parents to where now you can't do this, you can't go nowhere, and then they will

be held against you in the end. But you worry every motherfucking time they step out the motherfucking door because I'll ship, I worry when my son is getting the car with motherfucker's you know what accident could happen or you know, I tell them, watch you hanging around just because you're cool with motherfucker's don't mean they're cool with you. Uh, watch what you wear around motherfucker's because you don't know

the surrounders. So again, you know, it's kind of it's kind of a funked up because knowing what we did as kids. You want to try to change that pattern, you know what I'm saying. And you want to try to hold onto your kids and be as tight. But you don't want your kids, like I said, to rebel against you and be all upset. Dad, don't let me do this, Dad, don't let me do that. But it's kind of hard because it's fucked up people out there

in the world. I'm saying, you can't protect them from everything. Listen, man, they they're gonna they always trying to be sneaky. And that's that's another thing. And that's the thing. Well, you know what the thing with with with youth feels, man. Youth would give you a false s of your own mortality. They would give you a false sense because when you're young, you think no nothing Anglena happened to me, Mom's tripping,

Pops tripping. They don't want to let me do nothing because I tell you, um, I'm so glad that my son is in college now, man, And I know when they keep them so busy because he plays football. He's so busy. He don't have no time to do nothing. Because I swear you wanna be you want to put your kids in a situation where you want to trust them after the game, they want to go somewhere, they want to go to in and out, they want to

go to the pizza place, hang out. But we've been around, We've seen the monsters that are out there in the world, so we want to protect them from them. That's why we worked hard and moved them out. You do all the right things, Todad, but then you got some guy out there that pretty much I don't want to put his hands up to fight somebody so he can pull out a gun and just regorlessly aim into a crowd and take somebody's life. Man, It's it's just it's depends nightmare.

Why can't you stop that? And you know there's a lot of guys out there in your situation, in my situation, there's a lot of guys out there that that put people in situations like this. You know what I'm saying, where innocent kids is killed. We don't think about when you do that drive by, you don't know who or what you're gonna hit. We don't think about how many people are affected, affected by the loss of they loved one. You know what I'm saying, Just like just like you

what you're going through. I didn't realize it until two thousand and two, you know what I'm saying. And it's like, damn, just think you heard so many people in five minutes take somebody life in five minutes. And this is what these kids and these youngsters out here that they gotta see. They gotta feel his pain because I feel it, you know what I'm saying. I don't think I would have been able to sit down if some knuckle head shaped my kid and then bragging and boasting on Facebook about it.

I don't think I would have been able to do that. I wouldn't win to the police station. So I commend this brother because he fought for justice for his daughter, you know what I'm saying. And now the dudes is doing fifty years, you know what I'm saying. Other than

that they would have swept this under the rug. That's kind of hard to do if you're coming from that street lifestyle for you to try to, you know, take the route of being uh, you know, a straight up and letting a justice system take the course, because I don't know if I could have dealt with the motherfucker's just telling me uh and going through the years and years, and the motherfucker just somebody would have from what we come from, or that would have been a no brainer. Man.

The police just told me, you know who did it. We know who did it. Fucking hand yourself. That's what the police told me. Man. So now you've got a situation. Um, and this is the dynamical this like when like with James said, there's so many people impacted when somebody lose their life because how many other children do you have? I have three other trips? Okay, so you have three other kids. So you go out in exact revenge for Keisha. Now you've got three other kids that's gonna be impacted to.

They've already lost their sister. Now their father's gone. Yeah, he locked up in a penitential. Say, I got a strong wife because she don't want to stop. She's like, no, you gotta come home, like you gotta come home to meet Yeah, and what you what you what you need?

Get a good woman gonna do that for you, especially if she she know the pain because it's her kid as her daughter too, but she know as the man, you know, the father with the other kids and the support and the stability they need, you can't afford to go down that growth, You know what I'm saying, because then what's gonna happen to the family unit we destroyed

as another black family unit? You feel what I'm saying right well, not only that, I mean you gotta give him the story about your pops and like it affected everybody after after a very like like when I see my daughter there, I didn't even cry that night at all. I'm just standing there staying at I just want revenge. So it was a hundred and fifty kids, man, that same my daughter get killed. Hundred and fifty. So instead of they're going down there to the police station because

you know, they want to question everybody. Police brought me down there. They had a board with all their names, but the parents telling them, don't say nothing. Parents apparance, they don't say nothing at all. Don't say nothing. Just leave it alone. Don't say nothing. To see that that's a part of this bullshit culture that we got. Don't

you don't say nothing. And I know it's gonna be some assholes and the audience right now, y'all not keep you funk all y'all, because I'm gonna tell you some of these motherfucker's need to be locked the funk up. I don't know, no, I mean in it's innocent is one thing. I mean, Like I said, when you're in that lifestyle, then you know, you take what it comes with. But when you're innocent that we make we make mistakes as kids. We all did you know, we're all naive

to what happens in the streets. You give me, we see it and it's really glorified to an aspect. It's fun to be in the streets, but a lot of kids are naive to what really happens and ship, so um, that route you can't take. So you can't just sit there and try to take the street route with some ship that affected on an innocent you know what I'm saying, it's a young female, young woman who had nothing to

do with that lifestyle. So for motherfucker's to not want to get involved, because like you said, we've been born to that culture in the streets of especially us as as niggas, we've been born in that culture of you don't tell on ship or you try to handle it yourself. But then that's not justice for the daughter and in the family, you know what I'm saying exactly, So what we're gonna do. We go take a quick break right now, and we go come back and go into the details

about how this impacted your father. We'll be back in a minute. We're here with Calvin Hawkins. Y'all, well right back still, James eight, y'all need to better give me my fire, Donard. I put that on the ship. I need to go give me some water. Mirror my motherfucking feet fucking with me, gangster chronicles for my ass. Pay granny her money. This gangster granny. Y'all know me. When we're back with Calvin Hawkins. So, Calvin, this is impacted your father. Just the roughness is impact that you can

you take taking your take us through them. After the funeral, like because I didn't even cry like they had, it was huge and funeral was big. It was like everything out the door. People was out the door. So the preacher, the pastor um, he asked for everybody to come up and say they piece. I was like, ain't nobody talking

in here today but me? Yeah. I got up there and I talked and everything, and then like at one point is like I went blind and something like when I was talking to everybody, then when I stopped talking, like I seen everybody jump up clap their hands like, but I don't know. I guess it was like an out of body experience or something like everybody was clapping them like a lot of old schools. There's like, I don't know how you just did that? Your strong as you,

strong as ill, because I couldn't do that. If I see my baby laying in the casket, they're talking about this a celebration. I told him they ain't no celebration because she wasn't sick and she wasn't suffering. So what I need to celebrate? Folks? That was my only daughter. Like, and so your father, it's going The whole family is going through it, but your father in particular. Man, it killed my dad, Like that was a I never see my dad cry. And like one day he came to

my shop. He's like, they didn't kill my baby. I don't want to deal with this no more. I'm I'm tired. It is like, man, what are you talking about? So he had pulled off. I'm trying to take him out the truck. He poured off. So the next week he come to the shop. I'll never forget this, bro. He comes to the shop. It was a Monday. He was going on and on about Keisha, and I'm like, hey, man, listen, I'm not trying to hear what you're talking about. You don't want to be here. I just lost Keisha. I

need you too. So he's like, everything you drove, everything I got for you, you drive on. I'm like, what the hell, let's just dude talking about like so he's like, everything is in the back of the car for you. I say, I'm not trying to hear the ship period. I need you. So I go outside and my cousin stayed in the shop with him, and he's like, hey, I think you need to listen to your dad. When I came back in, I said, he'll be all right. He just upset. Tuesday come he come back to the shop.

He normal, acting a food and Wednesday come he asked for my wife. He comes back to the shop. He's like, we're your wife. Fair, he said with Janet. I said she didn't hear Dad, she'll be back in a couple hours. She said okay. So he came back and he told her and told us when you have problems, he said, get you a big nip a drink, go to the beach and just let it all out and just relieve yourself. I said, hey, man, ain't nobody trying to hear that today? Pop?

And he turned to Ryn and said, I love y'all. Thursday, come, my little brother seen him. I said, hey, bro, you've seen all Dad. He's like, yeah, he just passed. You said he's gonna come back Friday. Come my uncle and everybody looking for him. I'm I'm like, man, he probably at home sleep. So my uncle called me again, said, your dad ain't show up all right here all right, so I'm doing paperwork. Then I've seen one of his girlfriends come into the shop because he had about six

out them. So she's like, your dad was supposed to meet me at ten thirty. I said, what are you talking about? Said for breakfast, but he didn't show up. And both of the cars outside, Like when my dad was home, one of the cars would be outside. I want to be in the garage and the screen door be locked. So I said, let me go over here. I went over there to the house. Both of the cars was outside. Now they opened up one of his

trucks because I got the keys. I've seen a big thing of crown rolling there and I closed the door and saying fell down off his car. So he's been to the beach, so I said, went the hill going on. So I went to the screen door just to see if it's locked. But the screen door open. So I go next door and I was like, Ms. Bernard, when the last time you see them cards moved? She was like two days ago. And I looked at it, She's like kicking the door. I kicked the door in and

I was like, dude, you better be breathing. And he was stiff as hell. Man. So in the spanding this time, you just you you still dealing with your daughter, grieving your daughter, and injustice. Now your father is going to y'all had a really good relationship. Oh he was cool as hell. Every day every day he came to the shopping he told me in my customers, my boys, that he didn't care who it was and and that that

killed him and that killed him. So where is your mind that during this time I was screaming man like, like I didn't cry when I see my daughter. It's all right, man going let it out though, But that killed me. Man um it um. You want to say that family members, you don't have connection your grandparents really know what I'm saying, They had that connection with your kids. You know, James, you know you got the grandson right now, so you know what I'm saying. You know how that

connection is. That would be just like it's your own child. You feel me sometimes. And then with them being older, a little bit older, seeing a lot of stuff, having to go through a lot of stuff through their lifetime, a lot of ship they can't take, you know what I'm saying. After after going through a gang of ship over your lifetime. I'm sure Pops was in this maybe fifties, sixties or whatever, and and probably being born back from them days. Man, he's just seen a gang of ship.

You get tired and fed up with the same bullshit you see every year after year after year, especially when it's our young black you know what I'm saying. You lose a family member and then it's just like it's it's like us with gang banging and ship. Ship don't stop. You see drive bys and killings and killings and drive bys, and at some point you'd be like, man, when is

this ship gonna end? You feel me well, the pain that you see right here on this show, everybody should think about it before they the gun and then go shooting at somebody just because and hit a kid or or hit that person. This is the pain that you give to every family out there, and it's it's a cold piece. I never thought about it like this. I never saw it being on the other side of the fact, the side of offense. I never thought about that. At that time, I didn't give a funk who was in

pain or who hurt. But this is the first time really that I like, I feel another another brother pain like that. You know, not only you lose your daughter, but then the pain that Pops couldn't take it, you know what I'm saying. And Pops felt like just tired of this ship and then here he is. You know, he gave you all the signs. He gave you all the signs. I just ain't want to listen because you you wasn't ready to deal with the fact that he couldn't take that. But like, come on, man, we're trying

to deal with this situation like like that. That's just a fathom wh I came see that, So please don't bring that you You're gonna block all that ship out. And you know what I'm saying, especially if you having to deal with the motherfucking pain of the daughter, like man, come on, you can't. That's why you still man, I want to hear that ship. Don't come around here talking

now and and and there's two sides to it. Not only do you have the victims family that's impacted, right and you know, as bad as I want to say, funk that other kid, the shot that did the shooting, he got a mama, he got a daddy, he got

other people. He was taking him to do robberies and ship bro and see if it's the way motherfucker's are raised and brought up, saying because sometimes you sometimes you know us as parents, we can't help you know what I'm saying, because I know what I did or what I didn't try to do, or what I taught my son. But if he decide to go out there and do some dumb ship, I'm not gonna be responsible as a father who tried to raise my son in the right way.

But it's ship. If If I want my son to start claiming the hood, and I'm giving him a pack to sale and giving him his first strap, then I'm contributing to what my man is is filling you exactly. And that's what I'm saying. His mama should be in jailed too, because she pretty much raised the monster. I wouldn't. I don't know about that mama going to jail for the actions and with her son doing um, I think mama should feel like she's more responsible for his action.

Disrespectful dads. Man, after she killed They didn't killed my daughter. They're coming up to the shop to try to get work done. Hell yeah, thinking it's a game. See him at the club. She trying to hug on me and ship like, think it's funny. Man, Man, I took the bricks off that motherfucker. She did bring that motherfucking here. She'd have been riding the brakes with a went on

that mother. That's because the motherfucker trying to She trying to disassociate herself from the motherfucking from what the product of what her raising the kid has been like. He said, she's taking him on robberies, probably taking themselves. That's you know what I'm saying, She contributing to his motherfucking bullshit. That's what the That's why my man is so upset at them, because it's to be a difference if you was a sincere ass motherfucking female who I don't know

where he went wrong. I tried to raise him right was in church. I tried to do this. But I'm taking them around the corner to do dirt. So don't be hugging on me, motherfucker when you contribute into your motherfucker's son's downfall. And and because you couldn't take a hold of that ship, I'm suffering. So now I don't need no hugs and ship, none of that ship and and and thing about death is that it's it's forever. It's not you know what I'm saying. That's an infinite thing.

So it's not like you ever get over it. M it's not like you ever get over No. I gotta homie right now, who's dealing with the death of his daughter. Young girl out there in Vegas, you know, doing her thing, you know, young females. You know what I'm saying. She died from an overdose. Was was in the motherfucking room

by herself for three days until somebody found her. So even though it's a different predicament, you know what I'm saying, it's hurt fault to see your kids you know, taking away from you before you get to see them live their fucking life and do what they're supposed to do. You give me, it's just fucked up the child, to your child, your child post especially not at seventeen years old. You know what I'm saying, California, That's what we do

every day exactly bearing our kids. And that's why I thought this story would be be good for our show, because this is what we're trying to preach to the kids out there, the youngsters, the gangsters out there to day. And if they just heard a little of this man's story right here, maybe we wouldn't pick up that pistol. Because if I had heard a story like that back then, maybe I wouldn't. Maybe I kept doing what I'm doing. But we are the problem and a solution to the

to this whole situation. Let's stop killing each other and we ain't got to worry about this ship no more. You know what I'm saying. But back then, when you grab that pistel and you get in that motherfucking car and you're going out to do a drive by, nine times out of chan, I never thought that I can kill a kid opposed to the people that you you're

aiming at. You know what I'm saying. And the majority of the time is kids or somebody innocent that they ain't never doing ship that get hit because don't pay attention to they did that happens. And coming from here, like you said, coming from here in l A. You can be on either side of the fence. You can have a kid that get killed by motherfucker, or you can have to kill that pulled the trigger because that's

the lifestyle we have. And with the kids follow the pathway now right now with a lot of the kids. So you gotta you gotta be able to go app hold to him and like you said, you don't want to restrict them and and have them like you said, I'm like prisoners in their own home. But funcking sometimes you got to him. You just gotta put that foot down. And then you want to you don't want to sing like the bad dad or you know, you can't go nowhere, You can't go to the game with your friends, you

can't go to the little party or whatever. But I'll be I'll be a lie. I'll be a motherfucking lie if I tell you that every time my kid walked out the door, saying he's gonna go somewhere. I'm like, every fucking thirty minutes, like, nigger, where you at? Where

are you at? T where? Now? His mom's got the tracker on his phone, Like, motherfucker, don't tell me, like I don't even know where you had every single minute of the day, because I can't save you from a lot of bullshit that you see, it takes for something to happen to a kid sometimes, and unfortunately, what these kids need to know you don't know. Always get to get a chance to learn a listen to come back. I'm gonna tell you an example. This is when I first got my son a carter. This is when he

was going high school. Right, So you get a car and he tells me it's eleven o'clock on the Friday. You know how to goose game? Now? He says with Dad, I'm head over the stadium. I said, okay, cool, you kind of early, right, he said, But I want to get some film working in or whatever like that, So I'm kind of my mind. I called kind of like, I'm like whatever, go in and go next thing, you know, my oldest son come downstairs because he called his brother

because he knew he'd called me. He called brother, said, man, Chris been in accent like fun. So I'm like, where is he had over on Bell Flower Boulevard or whatever? Is he on Imperial whatever? Because you know, right school right around corner, right around the corner. So he's in Los Alamo, some motherfucker. We're going to go pick up one of his other friends to bring him to the thing. And I'm like, so, I'm telling myself, I just want to see if he okay. First. If he okay, ain't

nobody did. I could deal with everything else right. I get over to the car tour whole side up. The tour wasn't his fault. Lady hit him, she takes on the phone or whatever to them. So I wanted the first thing I wanted to do is slap the ship out of But I didn't maintain my composure. And when he got in the car with me to quiet, I said, you know, it's a number of things that could have

happened today. We could be coming to them, view your body, you could be going to Your friend could be dead, all because you didn't do what you were supposed to do, All because you didn't do the right thing. And I think by that happened to him and then I did something to him. He got a lot better after that, you know, as far as just doing what you're supposed to do. But we don't always get the opportunity to

come back. So for youall young inns out there, it's listening when you know when moms and pops take you to stay at home something that's what you need to do, and then to the parents when is too strict strict enough? You get me, Like, we all want to be cool, like not say cool with the children, but we want to have that trust with the kids that we can trust that they're doing what they say. Now, like I said, we've all been down that path, you know, we do.

I'm told moms, I'm gonna do something that I know, damn well, I ain't gonna do. I know, I'm gonna tell her I'm gonna go over here, but knowing damn well, I'm going to go to the neighborhood and sell some rocks. You feel me, I mean so, But I understood all that, Hell no, motherfucker, you can't go, and hell no, you

ain't getting in the car with them. And I used to be pissed the funk off, like embarrassed to the point like you got the home, he's pulling up ready to pick me up, and you're coming all outside on the porch, yelling and screaming you ain't getting in the car with them motherfucker's and ship as you crazy get your motherfucking ass and the out though you've been lessons what you think moms every chance you get God damn Mike, you get me, because there's a lot of them niggas

I see right now that's just getting home from doing twenty five years. You get me. It would have never been on the wrong because I wanted to be one of them wrong niggers though, even though the home was gool disciplined whatever. But it's get to the point when you hit that fifth sixteen seventeen to where you just feel like you can't do no fucking wrong and everything as a parent, I mean, you don't know ship man, Okay, So if I gotta go, yeah, I'm going over the

pop pops knowing I'm gonna go to the neighborhood. I'm looking at it like it's gonna be just another day that I've already then did this ship five or six times and I knew she was lying. Though I knew it. You always they know. Just like with my son, he telling me some ship, I'd look dead at his motherfucking ass and be like, yeah, alright, because they are alright. You can tell when he gets to do this fix. That's because I want to give him that little bit

of trust, even though already know he's lying. I don't want to see if you're gonna be able to make it out of that motherfucking bullshit without something happening, because you already know you're telling me some bullshit. So I'm gonna give you that because I could just break you

down right now. You're gonna walk out with the homies, y'all all looking now, nigger, you can't go, but I finish see if you're gonna take that line, if you can make it back from that without no bullshit, because let's face it, you already got a fifty percent chance of getting in some ship, and you're telling me something that you ain't supposed to be doing. She never got and done. Mine was a one and done. It was crazy because I left Saturday to get my load to

come out here. My son, the one that got um that was standing next tour. Birthday was Friday. He asked me to come pick him up for work because his little girlfriend had his car, So I uh put him in my truck and we're riding up taking him home. He was like, so, what's the problem. Man? It was like my birthday Friday and my sister girl uh man, man, you know, and we had to talk about it, and and that probably fused with him because he was there

with her. It's still working with him because when I got to exactly, yeah, blood on him, I said, what is that? He's like this because they know they ain't supposed to be out there, And now he feels it's gonna funk with him because he's standing there with him with her and knowing that they've don't told Pops. Now he gotta face you because he knowing we've don't told you some ship that we ain't supposed to be over there. Now I got to feel responsible because my sister then

got killed. I'm next to her. Now, how am I gonna explain that to Pops? When I know, God Damn Sell was supposed to be. That's a lot to put on the thirteen, A thirteen year old little boy seeing his sister in trying to help his sister now that he's covered in her blood, and man, he gotta be trauma. He just doesn't. He just moved out right there. I'm gone.

He is. Wow. So it's a lot for those guys to deal with him process because he's probably going through a great deal of survivors remorse thinking why not me instead of my sister? You know, and you know going to that man, the mental anguish it this, I know it's gonna be a thing that she could be dealing with as long as you walk on this planet. But how do you how do you maintain your sanity and normalcy through all of this mess? Men of the pain?

I started this foundation for her foundation, her clothing line, my clothing line for um. I'm trying to get her clothing line. Once I learned how to work this five on one three seaboard ship, I'm gonna be hill because like we're from Indiana and Texas. But she wanted to she was supposed to be on the way out here to California, I don't know where, but go to college, be a relationship counselor, and live on the beach. That's what she wanted to do. So what I'm trying to

do is getting foundation. Of course, I was trying to move back home to Texas, but my mom was like, you gotta go back to Indiana because that's where it happened at. So I wanted foundation in Indiana, Texas and out here to get a hold of these little kids. You gotta catch you when they're young. So my son's grown right now and they're still saying yes sir and yes ma'am. To put that back out in the community and help these kids, you know, like they ain't got

nothing for these kids to do. Like my barber, he he a baseball fanatty. I asked him before I came out here. Once I get this stuff going on, bro, hey can we I want you to run a baseball thing. He said, you're trying to start down to keep your name. I was like yeah. He said, give me the balls in the bats. Let's go. Give me the balls in the bat so let's go. Then I got another partner of mine. Um he had like a strength coach for the kids. He put helping kids get to d one

playing football. So I actually I told him I want him to bring in. I got another friend. He boxed, bring that back you know what I'm saying up there, and they had that stuff transferred from Indiana here and then out there, and they're like owners um the team Monster Stuff. I changed my store to her name also, so it's Monster Car Audio where I do the sounds and stuff. And like every year we have an annual Kesha show and that car show sometimes last from three

in the afternoon to like three in the morning. Man, well you know you got a friend come out there. I was gonna tell you got a friend of us. Man. We want to be a participant in everything that you've got going on, anything that you needed to do, Bro, we want to be there. We want to be involved, and we're gonna talk about that after this. We'll get that together, you know. And this is an important episode right here, man, because our youth is everything. Man. Without

the kids, we don't have no future, definitely. And if we keep losing our are young black not just our young black males, are young black females. You know, either the death or the penitentiary, We're not gonna have a future. We're not gonna have a future. So it's very important to get it out there, man, so we can change the narrative of things. Um, I want to go back to the time that you were dealing with the police. I only want to call the police the clowns that

was up there. You know, the people are pretty much made up in their mind and they wouldn't go exact justice. Man, how long was that process? How long did you have to do the march? And how long did you have to act? Did they ever threatened to restue anything, threaten to arrest me? Man? They broke me. They like they attitude? Was he young? He black? He got this shot where it's successful. So they're just trying to plant dope on me, playing doping stuff on man. Come on, like one of

the police. Rest in peace, Rob Grant. They didn't know men him with the school together. So one day I had a hell of a day. Is the police study picking with me? Picking with me, picking with me? So he pulled up to the shop. I'm like, Rob, I ain't do nothing. He said, Frost act like me and you argue. I said, what are you talking about? He said, do what I tell you. So he started on one side of the car. I'm standing on the others. He pointing and I'm pointing at him. He said, listen, you've

been seeing a black truck running around here. I said, yeah all day. He said, listen, that's the chief of police and the mayor. They've been a point dope on you. I said, what the hell you're talking about? He said, let me gonna break it down to you, Keisha Murder. What's aul Like? Forty five minutes after it happened, watch you bringing in is who you're bringing in the shop because they're feen a plant dope on you And they said, funk, your daughter there is not finna help you. And you

see it already some white people. Yeah, see, you gotta understand. To me, being from the Midwest, Indiana is one of the most prejudiced states in the Union. Racist like I'm talking about Yeah, yeah, this is a kid. Yeah, it's people that's racist. Like that's a different type of racism. It's like, I'm gonna tell you, and I know it's gonna be some people in the audience where I wouldn't be going for them. I'm gonna tell you. They got

white boys down there. They would fight the funk out your way as they got guns, they got everything, and they would kick your ways going down one of them country as back rows and knock you off and kill your ass. You hanging from a treat. They had it so bad man where one day my AIN'TI comes she left church and pull it up to She's like, I need to talk to you. Philip that's my little brother, and Janice that's my wife. This is like, word is

you have? You're pulling these cards in, acting like you hooking them up and keeping them in the bay for three or four hours, loading them up full of dope and drawing it off. I said, Mama, come on, are you serious. She's like, you're gonna go to prison. Well, you know what You're represented for them, bro, You represented the problem because you wouldn't just gonna sit back. Because for every brother like you to fight, you got ten other brothers that just sit back and accept the bullshit.

They viewed you as a threat, so they wanted to get you out the way they were they're trying to get me out the way. So one day, my damn, my wife just stopped coming to the shop period. Like she was like, I don't know what's going on, baby, but I know you're not selling no drugs, no none of that stuff. But why if I'm working for it? Why I can't have nice things. Why I can't buy my family life things. So one day I've had a nineteen sixty five four Galaxy and pulled it out the garage.

Police pulled up on me. He said, look at you. Uh, you're Ryan clean and all that stuff. We want to ran clean too. That's why we're not gonna help you with your daughter. The police said that like some motherucking money or something. Man, I don't know. I've that one for the extort me. They ain't work for the ship I did, like the guy that was talking to you at first, or that told you to watch you letting

your shot? Uh police rob brand Okay, So he basically telling you people that your friends ain't your friends and whoever in here is working with these motherfucker's just set you up. Put your game. Though. The person that I had sublease, he wanted the sublease from me. He had gotten to the fight with one of his girls, and so they got into a fight. So we go to court and I'm thinking he in there for the We're gonna buy them out because it's a fight, you know.

So while we're in there, that judge was like, he said, I'm in here. Um. The judge told him it's gonna be a hundred thousand dollars buying. I said, for a fight like that, ain't number six, So fire to buying out. So he said, oh, he said, I'm in here for a fight. He said, no. On such and such a day, you sold a hundred and sixty eight grams of cocaine. I said, oh, I'm through. The whole time. He was good because I didn't even notice what he was doing, bro, And it went up, Wow, said such and such a

day you sold a hundred and eighty six crams. I was like what. So they figured they can't shut you up about your daughter and you were causing too much, too much attention for them, so they figured they had to set you up to get you out to wait at the pension, and they was doing something and then like, I know this dude. He they say it's c I, but I don't know if he's c I. But then

he comes to me. He's like a frost y'all to watch it, bro, because they got a picture, said they got a chart of you downstairs, and I said downstair in the police station. So I'm like, yeah, you're a c I for real. But whatever, you're talking about He said, you it's the head and they got it branched off, dude, and like a chart of y'all and he said they got pictures like a month ago, y'all don here down

there at the police station. So I called my wife down and I said, hey, baby, could you please come down here and talk to me? And she was like, I'm not coming to that shop. I said, please get up and come down here and just sit with me. So we're all outside and we're sitting outside, but I'm on leven Street, but on tenth Street. The whole time, I'm like, I'm saying, a helicopter just hovering, okay, whatever.

So I go in the back of my shop and I get up on the way bench and look out the window, and they had like ten police back there coming in and get there. Then next thing I know, I've seen the helicopter just flying over the shop. It's flying so low. My wife came outside and looked up. She said, I don't know what the hell going on down here, But I said, this is crazy at all. And so the Grahama nothing nothing, you don't. Yeah, that was I was seriously music and real. That was just

some people. That was the attention you was bringing because the lack of the police doing their jobs because they wanted to just sweep it under the rug. It's just another black fucking killing of gang bullshit or just nigga on nigga killing. So because of the attention you was bringing it because your daughter was an innocent and she was a young child. That who was innocent, That who was you know, victim? You know some bullshit, and the

people that was buying sounds. But like I told the police, dude, Walmart asked them where the money come from? When they come in there, it's been their money. I'm doing a service too. So because of the clientele, you can't of course, the local drug dealer gonna go to the homie shop to get this ship, the local banger or whatever. But that ship, just like on the ship of my ship, you can't tell me I'm working. I'm not gonna question the motherfucker about where his dollar came from. Trying to

take care of my family. If a nigger got five hundred to pay for this speaker box and these two speakers in this radio, it's going in When you're dealing with crys and stuff like that, people don't know a lot of DC is getting some good money. Man, they're getting some good bread. So and a lot of them anna fuck you over from your bread like a motherfucker. Well, they have to be lying like a motherfucker for him to come into your shop and do all of this.

I've never said I ain't sell nothing, but I think my little brother though, because one day we're up in there and um, they were to tell I had a whole lobby full of customers. Me and my wife was were sitting in the back. Fids walked in the doors and one just like this flash just badge and said go to the back and go to the back. Like, what did you talking about? To go to the back? We go to the back. He's like, well we need this. I said, whatever y'all looking for? I don't have. I

don't know what you're talking about. They try to play the good cop bad cop stuff. You know how didn't do that. So then the other one say, you know what, I'm sick of your ship, dude, fun this Uh, we know about your daughter getting killed. Then he got my attention. You know about your daughter getting killed, and we know about your other sons and your wife out there. We got a conspiracy charge on you, and we're gonna give you sixteen years. I supposed to be going to two

thousand nine. I said, what am I conspiring so that they could give you sixteen years? But the motherfucker that killed your daughters out there gather va and around like he's like it ain't ship. Yeah, that's talk about giving him some bullshit. They walked in there thought they was Finn punking. Because if you, if the fans got something moment, they're taking your answer to jail, especially once they expose

theirselves and they're gonna come get you. They ain't gonna say we got you on conspiracy, but we're gonna come get you later. That don't happen like that. So they was trying to him in trying to get something from him. You know what I'm saying. Maybe he got scared, shut the shot down, did whatever the case might be, whatever somebody else wanted, just like what's the name We did the interview with how his marijuana spots. You couldn't go back too much competition, y'all get rid of Woot the wolf.

I'm gonna keep lacing y'all with a little paper. That's how I work out here. And that's how they'd be doing the dumb ship. So with all this ship that that that he's doing and and rapping and riding about his daughter, they're trying to do that. The whole killed two birds once, don't think. Yeah, and I'm not no man. We gonna take another break, y'all against the Chronics. We'll be right back still, James eight, y'all need to better give me my fire, donard, I put that on a sht.

I need to go get me some water. Mirror my motherfucking feet fucking with me, gangster Chronicles for my ass pay granted her money, This gangster granny. Y'all know me? Where are you at? And we're back. So you have this clothing line that you've started, and it's a it's a continuation of your daughter's a original vision. Am I correct? No? I just I just did it? Just okay, perfect. We have some of the clothing line here today and it's a team monster dot com. Monster were dot com. Okay, yeah,

we make sure we got the link in the description. Everybody. We got some hashta and he blessed us right there. You know, me and James got the hoodies on right now. So you guys, make sure y'all go and support my man. Uh And I wanted to you about something we've been lately talking about just our health is um our health. You know, it's a lot of stuff going on to day. You know, you got this thing with the COVID man

and where everybody is shutting doors and indoors. A lot of people have lost their jobs, man, and just you know, it's kind of hard because it's almost like you know where you're stuck inside for the longest, and then you got situations like this, man, how did you deal with all the stress mentally? Man? Like, how do you deal with how do you maintain? And drove me crazy? My wife had to give me a psychiatrists for a little bit. Bet. I wasn't trying to listen to her because I felt

she didn't lose a kid, so she can't tell me nothing. Yeah, so so you didn't think the therapy help. No, I was driving her crazy. I draw the psychiatrist show you crazy. She told my wife to divorce me. You need to divorce him because he didn't exact words was he didn't jumped off the boat and drowned. And I need you to stay in this boat with me. But you know, my wife, she she still about me. Like in it was an episode ninety three when you said they can't

tell me nothing, Big Jay. I didn't feel she can tell me nothing, but my wife said maybe because I didn't want it to help. Yeah, therapy is only effective when you want to go the whole time. But I did go back to her like one side started fighting and stuff healthy as I am man like. I think it was a week later, I'm steady going crazy, going off from my white man left and went to the store and she come back home and I'm outside waiting on it with my arms down. She's like, what's wrong

with you? I said, I think I'm having a heart attack. You like just looked at me. I said, I'm not gonna argue with you. Just take me to the hospital. Ship. She took me to the hospital. Show enough I had a heart attack. The heart attack. We have to take care of ourselves out there because we've lost so many people. The heart attacks and stress will kill you know it almost did you know stress will take you off the planet.

Frist will take you off the planet. And I know you mentioned that you had a friend of actually came in and told you to like to kind of pull together because you had gained a bunch of weight and everything like that. Yeah. His name scant like Yeah, came to the house. Yeah. It called me as like Frost. So I was like, what up, bro? He was like, I need a radio and stuff hooked up, some silence hooked up. I said, all right, coming on to the shop.

So I come out the house and he looked at me, and he's like, because I had stayed in the house in my bedroom, like I was a prisoner in my own home. I stayed in the house for like two years in my bedroom, I wouldn't come out. The only thing I would do is just eat, take a shower, and go back to bed because I didn't want to deal with it no more. And he looked at me, said, I don't even want no word from you. You was

out online, he said. And if ain't got nobody gonna tell you about yourself, I'm gonna tell you about your damn self. He said, Bro, you need to get your ship together. I know you, Miss Keisha, but you look terrible. I had a game. I went from one one ninety two to eighty almost three hundred problems up in there and then he see me like six months later and he's like, that's the frost so I'm talking about And then I was like, thanks, bro, I said, man, you

hurt my feelings. Family said somebody needed to be a friend. Yeah, and just to have that one friend come and chell you that what's his name? Scan? You're a good many shut up there. You're a real friend because a friend will tell you when you out of pocket. A real friends will tell you when you at the pocket. And so he helped pretty much gets you back up on your feet and everything gets you back and thing, it's pretty much. It sounds like you have lost your wheel

to live. Yeah, I didn't care. I got up and took all the pictures off the wall of Keisha and my dad. I didn't want to see it. No more like they're not gonna help you. So I just gave up. Man, I've seen those texts on my phone. That's what made me snap off. Well man, you know, and I wanted to get you want to show every since James that

showed me your story and everything. And I said, man, it's important that we get this brother on here because you you would be surprised man, on how many it's somebody out there right now that's going through the same thing that you went through that you are going through. What would you have to say to them right now? I just told him, well, I got the text from

other people when I've seen that. I had got text from Dubai like Spain, and these people had text me from I think it was like New York or something that's like, we see what you're doing. Could you help us? I said, help y'all do what? There was like fight fer I think it was his sister or something that he was going through the same thing. I said, Hey, listen, what y'all have to do is don't let the police

scare y'all. I said, once you take one step forward towards them, if they try to push you back, one you go to most steps forward, don't tell and don't take the word no. I told him, I'm allergic to the word no. That's a lot of people don't possess that power to to piper what what they believe is right. A lot of it is just pretty much give up and really think that there's no help, you know, and people reaching out to you because they saw it in you.

Everybody don't possess that and all the people, and maybe that's what your daughter wants you to do. You know, help other people. You know what I'm saying, do them, Help them just like you did me. You got justice for me, get justice for them, help them. Got them in the right way. And I think that's so positive that you're doing that. I truly believe we all got

a purpose. That's why I started that foundation and the name. Also, besides the closing line, and the more I talk about this and get it out, I can finish her book because right now I'm stuck on the chapters of her birth day, the wake, in the funeral. But by me keep talking and keep talking, I can go and finish those chapters and everything else beside after that, I could write about the depression and the fighting everything. It just throws three chapters that I'm stuck on. Once I finished that,

the book will be finished. So so this is something I want to ask you because you're a friend of mine. Now, are you still um? Because I know you gonna deal with this anguish. Like I said, this is for everything, man, It's not something that you would forget. Are you still making sure and everything that your mental and stuff is in pocket? Yeah? Yeah, I have slip ups though I'm

not gonna even lie to you. But if my friend, like some of my friends that's on uh team Monston because I got a cardio club two up under her name. If they don't talk to me for like three or four days and they know I ain't on that, send my truck and they know I'm home, they gonna tell his phone up or they come into the house knocking on the door. Come on, get up, because we know what's going on because they don't been times. Man where if I don't hear from Shane, because I talked to

this man every day. He's like you remember my family now, you know. If I don't talk to him, you know, the day one thing, but if it goes two days, I'm tearing is lying up, Like bro, what you're doing? You're good? I need to come out there because I know last time he has stuff going on, and me and one of the homies was on his way out there. We was on our way out to where he stilling. He had to see you know, if he was good. But you know what I mean, So so we do.

We have to check on our friends and everything. And it's my message for the people out there. Don't just ignore your friend. If somebody is your friend and you love them, check on them, make sure they are right. Talk to him because I'm gonna tell you what. Our most powerful thing is on our as human beings. The most powerful too, in our body is our mouth, our ability to communicate. So we have to um communicate with our loved ones, man, and our friends when they're going

through stuff. Man, because you don't know. You know, the suicide rate amongst black males is up right now. Are incarceration that rates have been stunned, you know, climbing steadily since then. You know, we have a lot of issues going on right now. Man. You know, life is hard, man, Life is hard. You shouldn't ever had to deal with it. Alan, she would have to do with a loan. Man. How how can people contact you? Bro? Are you gonna contact me on my Facebook page at Calval and Hawkins. You

see me up there? Well, you see my daughter and then the banner of her foundation and we just got our foundation email up and it is let me double checking because my wife just did it. It's in in m H H F I N C at gmail dot com and their foundation we got a foundation page up. My wife just wanted me to look over it and then I'm gonna launch it on Facebook. And it's Nickesha Nicole Monster Hodges Hawkins Foundation, and it's the banner. And they had me and her up there, her face and

then my wife and my daughter. This is all on the same banner. Yeah, man, please let us man, please to go out and support this brother. Hit him up. If you have any questions, don't hit them with the bullshit is We will come and let your ass, but appreciate you know. One thing I wanted to get out there, man, it's very important that our young people not to come up here sound like an old preaching asks man, because

I'm far from it. It's very important that you kids listen to your parents when they tell ya something, because sometimes as parents were worried about everything, I'm always worried about my kids. Um, I know you always worried about yours, James, you know, but we can't be with your twin for seven So when we do tell y'all something, take notes to it, man, because you don't get a chance all the time to learn that that mistake, doesn't get the

opportunity to decresh to a lesson for everybody. Right, I'm gonna say this, and I think it's really important. And I can say this because I lived that life. I lived the life behind the gun, and I can hologly shave. I never thought about checking the kids life when I went out there and did my thing, And thank god I don't live that life no more. But the catch is out there with the pistols and doing aything. Think about who you might hit opposed to who you want

to hit when you're shooting that pistol. And and this is the effect you get all the time, this man right here, you know what I'm saying. And nobody want to cause nobody that much pain and grief, man, And it's not worth it at the end of the day. So I say that every motherfucker that lived the life I live, sit down, put the pistol up, get out there and do it like we used to do it, and they can knuckle up and and be a man

about it. That's that's that's what I say, And and I can honestly say, I apologize because you have stupid people out there, and I include myself with it, because we do things thinking that we're doing the right ship. When we game banking and and and we heard innocent people and it's a whole lot of cash out there. Like myself, I'm far from a hypocrite. I came down now cat to pick up a pistol and hit a

block because that's the life I used to live. But I can't say it's enough, is enough, and for you and all the other people. I'm getting cheery out of saying this. You know, it's that ship is our fault. It ain't Mama faught, it ain't Daddy fought. It ain't because the kids didn't listen. This is the consequences of not listening. It's stupid. Motherfucker's that that thinks stupid. They can do it, man, Let's take care of each other. Man. This is a very emotional episode, and I'm jumping into

something right now. Just all our fans out there, thank you. On We're coming up on a hundredth episode. We will have a celebration. This is for you, guys. We're not charged no money for it. We want you to come out and hang out with us. We will have Mac teen in the house, Glass Malone, young mother for some other surprisors. I don't want to say too many people's name because you know how to deal. Some people don't show up the stuff. But it's gonna be a big,

big event. Um, that's gonna be Sunday, Marks twenty one at three o'clock. It's gonna be the secret location. All were asking is that you hit us up in rs VP by Mark Tin info at Digital soapbox Media dot com. That's info at Digital soapbox Media dot com. We asked the mascot mandatory, so you can't come up here without no mask on, no ship like that. We're trying to keep each other safe, man, and this could we will have a good time. Man. Hopefully Calvin be back out

out here. I get another load to come out here and kick on with y'all your family now the show man, Yes, yes, yes, indeed, man, and um, well, I'm gonna have mash Michelle. I'm gonna go get that thirty. I'm charging five dollars of mash. Yeah. So if y'all don't want to pay James that five dollars a man, make a team that make sure. Yeah, bring bring your own ship, man. And you know what this is, Um, this is the most emotional episode where you've done. I don't see you know, James, she tears.

Don't shared tears, man and eight don't share it tears up here on all our children are most valuable resource. So let's take care of um. To those guys out there with the gun, if you go, do what you do, be a closer personal with it, make it to where you can't hit nobody else. And you know, actually put that motherfucker down and go fight, Go fight. You know what I mean, because because a lot of times you know,

and I see it man. You know, Um, the Goodie Mom had a saying with somebody asking what they name meant, and they said, the good die Young mostly over bullshit, and that's exactly what it is. Last And we're gonna get up body and we holic y'all next week. Reggie. This update on Reggie. Reggie is up and talking and he's getting better. So everybody out there that's worried about Reg Reg is better. Um, we already know he's getting better because he's talking. Ship. So that's a good thing. Man. Um,

I'm glad you're doing better. And that Kovid ship ain't no bullshit, some real ship, yeah it is. And um, prayers and everything like that work. Keep praying for the brother because you know he's still gotta. You know he's doing better. He up and talking right now, but keep him stealing your prayers and everything because he gotta. Um. So, he's getting better, he's getting better. Better, But we're out there for real this time. We halic you'all next week. Well,

that concludes another episode of the gainst Chronicles podcast. Be sure to download the I Heart Happen. Subscribe to the Gangster Chronicles podcast for Apple users. Find that Purple Michael the front screening your phone. Subscribe to the show, leave for comment and a rating. Executive producers for The Gangster Chronicles of Norm Steele, James McDonald and Aaron M c taylor. Our visual media directors Brian Watt shows all the will

editor this tailor haes the Gangster Chronicles. Here's the production of the Black Effect Podcast Network and I Heart Media. Any questions the comments hit us up The Gangster Chronicles podcasts at gmail dot com. Peace be safe out there.