EP 93: Therapy

Big Spills from the streets. Hello, where are you at? This is o G Gangster Granny and the Gangster Chronicles podcast is back in effect. Get ready for some of that G ship and bleeds up. Some wanna merrow. We like the welcome every one to another episode against the Chronicles podcast and I want my homeboys of course, Jim and Man. You know, I wanted to talk about man mental health in the black community. It's a lot of

stuff going on. You have, um, a lot of people losing jobs right now, a lot of people not being able to really go on to earn they keep because all these restrictions and I know in places like the soft and everything else, everything is pretty much opened up and everything, but some people still have to be cautious. And we got a lot of businesses and stuff that's

closing down. And it's kind of like a stigma in our communities to talk about mental health because if you tell the motherfucker you're gonna go see a psychiatrist, they look at you like you're crazy. Why do you keeping one hunt? I had a psychas in the third grade. Motherfucker didn't teach me nothing, didn't tell me nothing, and couldn't change my mind about nothing. Uh. I think it was a waste of money. You know, I'm like this and keeping it one hunting and and I ain't prejudiced,

but I ain't. Nobody that don't know me, especially a white man, get inside of my head and tell me who the funk I am? And you just met me that day and then you're gonna die And notice me that fat you don't know me like that isn't even as a child. So I didn't bite into that bullet ship. You know what I'm saying, Draw this square, trade the circle and and they sit in the room and watch you do it. I put every motherfucking thing on the table, try and go. And I took the pens when I

trade that ship and just sit there. Done in three minutes and we're just sitting there. You know. You know the thing is, though, James, I feel what you're saying because you was eight years old at the time, he said, Right, So I know it's an eight year old and maybe hard to process. Um, how would that be of help to me? You see what I'm saying. But I do think sometimes people just need somebody to talk to. Bro maybe maybe some people, and it depends, and it depends

on that person's situation. But mansa situations, I'm going back into the same motherfucking environment that I left when I came up here, you know what I'm saying. So after hour session, I'm going back home. I still gotta look at this monster that that feels like he wanted with my ass. I still got to go back to the neighborhood and figure out how much deal with these five little cats, thinking since we're the new kid on the block, that they can funk with me. Thinking, okay, I showed him.

If if y'all folks with that motherfucker, he's gonna I ain't gonna let him chage me with no butcher knives and ship like that. So I mean, it just it just wouldn't work for me. So you was chasing who who um James? Who came up with suggestion to take you to a psychiatrist the the school, Stephen c I figured that. So it was it wasn't mom or dad or to your cousin. It was somebody outside the family circle who decided, all we need to send him to us like growing up and the only thing you hear is, oh,

he bad as a motherfucker. Uh, and that's we heard that. Yeah, but this is growing up here that you're bad, and not only from your family members, but people at the school, uh, the kids at school, just everybody saying it. So I believe that you know what I'm saying. So I'm I'm I'm growing into this ship. So fighting the teacher and busting her nose and then chasing catch with a bunch of knives because you ain't gonna work with me. Uh. His name was Mr Perez at the time, and he

uh said he need counseling. So the school had me go to Compty Unified Counseling and I went to that ship, and apparently they figured that my conversation wasn't worth nothing and he gonna be what he is. They kicked me out of company unified school district at eight years old. I couldn't go to company schools, so I had to go to l A. And from l A to ship continued. I would get kicked out of school every Wednesday. I don't know why it was a Wednesday, but it happened.

And uh my pops wanted to send me to a military school, figuring that I can be I can get help there. It never happened, so ship went on the way it did. Now do you think that had they paid more attention to you, because it sounded like morning. Thing you know is you didn't need the whole square in the circle thing. You needed the motherfucker get to talk to you. Because sometimes with little kids, when they ask no, it's kind of a cry for help. Well, I thought at that time I was gonna be able

to tell my story. Why am I going? I like this? But I didn't get those Why do you act the way you act? You know what I'm saying. I didn't get that. They went around and I don't know it to make money or to work that clock or whatever. But I didn't get that. I didn't get that. I never had a chance to talk to uh social workers, you know, and everything that I saw it, it was like they beat it around the bush like the doctors, you know, going to the to the hospital at that time.

You know, he goes a kid with eight slashes here and eight right here, and I'm getting the stitches in my head bleeding like a motherfucker. You wonder we this kid adn't got this off, no dresser, you know what I'm saying. And I'm I'm nervous and scared as the motherfucker. You know, you didn't. You didn't get the help that you get today. You know what, My wife is actually

in social work and that's her thing for kids. Shows up to her classroom, he should report to heard that this kid is coming in with welts on them, you know, black eyes and stuff. You can differentiate, the professors can differentiate between the boy just being rough and you know probably you know, busting his head open and black in his eye, between somebody abused him. Because what should have happened is they should have spoke to you and asked you, hey, James,

why are you so angry? What's going on? And what's going on? The doctor said, how did he get these? And I looked at him. It was the worst his motherfucking look ever that looked at He gave me say something, I bush your motherfucker like he looked at me like that. But if he wasn't standing right there, I would have said, that motherfucker right there hit me with somehow his shoes and whatever he could, and if he didn't, went to jail, show bed see because didn't happen. So, you know, the

whole persona you lashing out and everything like that. You know, um, you becoming the bully, so to speaking to school, you know, chasing people, butchering eyes, bombing on teachers and stuff. That's a defense mechanism. Well, it's the trickle down effect because like you said that, the household was already declaring, oh, it's a bad motherfucker right here because of probably the abuse he was suffering at the hands of you know whatever, Pops or whatever. That's just gonna trickle down the fact

to the next motherfucker. I don't go damn yeah. And we are always taught man as black men, to be quiet, don't say nothing about what goes in your house, because if you think about the way we got our asks put back in the day, they were consider abuse. Because I tell my wife about some of the I used to you know, especially if you've got parents you know, who come from that that era. You know, back in the days that the rough life, the forties, the slaves ship,

all that, the abusive ship. And I used to get whooped. You feel me so me as a kid, my mom, you know, when I got in trouble or punishment, it wasn't looked at as abuse. I'm gonna go outside and grab a switch off the tree, and I'm gonnahoop your first switch anytime opposed to a stitching cord. No, I'm talking about it. When you get an ass whooping with a stitching cord and they draw blood. I'm talking about

over accessive. But you know, back then and and today, you know, some people knew how far to go whooping their kids ass. But back then we got an ass whoopings. Maybe that's why we're different from this generation, you know what I'm saying, because they don't get their ass whooped like that. But I got the stitching cord. The high heeled shoes, uh, the fist. I had to fight him, you feel me. I had to fight my pops, you

know what I'm saying. I had to grab onto the stitching cord and while this nigger got his chest his foot on my chest, you know, just trying to hit me all different kind of ways. It didn't matter, you know what I'm saying, hold on whatever the fund because this ain't right, because I think we all had them to a certain extent. Because I could never put that on my step pops. My step pops gave me his last name, so I know he loved me. He did, you know, the stuff. But like he said, he was

a motherfucker that was older than my mom. He was from Mississippi and he'd been working since he was nine and ten. And that's how they just got down, you know what I mean, That's how they got down. There was no none sense, no talking back, yes sir, no sir, no, ma'am. You know, so if I violated that, I ain't gonna say he went as far as hitting me with stuff,

But I'm serio. He was my ask one day with a fishing pole dog and it's like it had wells on me and I kind of put in my mind and I'm not taking no more ask whoopons like that, because I was around fifteen at the time, and I started getting kind of huff. So one day he walked up them stairs to my room because I kind of stayed in a little at it right in the third flour,

you know how, the house in the west. So he was walking up there and I see him with the rod and this hen first thing I did is kind of pushed him back down the stairs and next thing you know, he reaching for his pistol because he looking at me like like he wasn't shot, Like this motherfucking is strong, and I didn't tell gonna. So at that point it was time for me to go with my real dad for a minute, because you can't be in no another man's house and he's scared of you, because

that pretty much what had happened. So I think, just back in the day, man, what I see in our communities just this massive transference of pain. Somebody do something to me. I'm gonna go do this this motherfucker, now, why should he be exempt from it? And especially the kids that I felt like wasn't going through the same ship that I was doing because it's a subconscious thing. I believe we lashed out and transfer that pain that we're getting to somebody else. Well, I believe we have excuses.

We use what we got going on in the house as an excuse to do what we do. You know what I'm saying. But my excuse was legit. I was taught to be who I am. I was told who I am. I have to be. I was taught that, you know what I'm saying. I didn't have it no other way. I couldn't. How can you be soft and you're going through ship like you know, picture getting the ass whooping and your your wounds ain't even healed from the last one. That ship hurts when you get hit again.

Oh no, I'm gonna have to kill. This is that limit? Man, I ain't taking the most. That was my time right there. And I think all of us man, as as black males, even our black women, we are taught to suppress everything. Don't cry because I had a stepdad and tell me, don't start asking like a little bit to start crying. Yeah, that was the mottel. You couldn't have been no black dude from our raror a kid, or or a teenage or a young man and show no motherfucking tears. That's

just gonna happen. Then you looked upon as a weak ass. Motherfucking Then it don't matter what the situation is. You cannot cry, exactly because what that does when you're suppressing stuff, see stress as a motherfucker because you hold all that ship insides. You don't cry, you already talk, don't cry, you don't look like no pump, and you're holding all this stuff in here. The next it's angry exactly. But check this out, though, James, it's the same ship, right,

All that ship builds up inside of you. And what happens when something builds up and eventually burst, right, So that's what happened. The next motherfucker, you cat, she might have did something real petty, like bumped into you, not on purpose, not paying attention, step on your shoes. Next thing, you know, you over this dude whooping his ass because he catching all the trauma that you don't been through.

So it's a massive transference of pain. And so I really feel like the ship that you've done in your life, James, not making excuses, but you had legitimit pain. Like when I talked to you about some of the ships you've been through, Bro, I'm like, man, that motherfucker should have been locked the funk up immediately. You know what I'm saying. You just don't do no kid like that. It's like,

and I think it all ultimately made us better. Father's right, because a day ship, they really I mean, unless the motherfucker if you ended up dad buried in somebody, they didn't really funk with it, like, especially in our neighborhoods and in the kids and whatever. You know what I'm saying, Like you said, out of fear of ship, I go home and mother gonna fuck me up worse, sir, So who am I to tell you? Get me at that?

I gotta go home? You feel me, that's the fear of the ship exactly, Because I remember, man, before I got my graves to gathering stuff. Football pretty much saved my life. But I remember report cars would come to crib, right, and I would try to catch that report card before Pops picked it up or Moms picked up. You know, moms picked it up. It wasn't that bad, right, But if Pops picked it up, and if he saw a deal on that motherfucker, I've learned how to change them

ds and the bees. You feel what I'm saying that just manipulate the whole system, because it seemed like he just went extra hard on everything. But then me looking back as a grown ass man, now I appreciate him a little bit more because us he did put a lot of good qualities to me as a man, like as far as like a man is supposed to go to work and take care of his house, so you

ain't supposed to be living up off no woman. Because every day, one thing about that motherfucker everything I saw his ass waking up at three in the morning, going to work, not coming back home at six o'clock and doing the same thing again. He watched the news a little bit whoops some asking them in between that if he had to and do the same thing all over again seven days a week, I didn't have that. I had a grandbodt. I didn't have that either, James. My father was out of the house by time I was

gang banging and claiming and all that. My pops was in another state. He left. You know, my mom's practically raised me, my sister, and my younger brother on her own in the streets, so she had to be the disciplinary. Like I said, we got the whoopings, we got the punishments, we got the but not to disrespect Mars. But by the time, like you said, I was fifteen, I wasn't hearing ship. My rebellion came might of not having a

motherfucking father and the household. You know, I talked to my pops every now and then or whatever, you know, maybe went on a vacation to where, you know, down the Oklahoma or wherever he was staying or with it. But I didn't have a father in the house. So my rebellion came from not and being able to get me, uh, regulate with them, with the niggers down the block and all that. That's because I didn't have no pops in the house. So I don't know what the presidents would

have been. But a lot of rebellion and and ship comes from niggas who don't have pops in the household. Exactly what will I would say? I say that all the time, man, And that's why with our father the father program that we're establishing, because a lot of fathers do want to be involved. You've got some women that don't want to, let you know, man, you know, do his job or whatever like that, you know what I'm saying, and keep him away from the kids because she got

a problem with him. And really, that's the worst thing a woman could do to their kids because it ain't a buckshure with They don't know no better either, because once the relationship goes sourd, she feeling bitter, she's feeling used. Uh, that's the only thing she have for leverage to to her the motherfucking you know what I'm saying. Like like me, it was a difference to me because I couldn't stand my mom's you know what I'm saying. My biggest gripe with her was how could you let him do this

to me? You feel me? And no, she was sitting there on the edge of the bed and watched this ship. Wait a minute, you know it's natural that you project your kids, you know what I'm saying, And and I didn't get that. So I'm growing up and game banging down is you know, and she's say something to me, I'll snap, bitch, I don't want to hear ship. Fuck you get the funk out of my motherfucker. You know

what I'm saying. And it wouldn't till I went to prison that I had to just like check myself, you know what I'm saying, Damn you know, and trying to understand that she loved him more than she loved us, you know what I'm saying, or you know, her thinking that it was my fault and it ain't my fault. You sucked another dude. If he's feeling like and I'm just keeping it one hunted, if he felt like I'm not his son, you must have been sucking around now here.

I gotta this dude coming to me telling me he my pops. But really, in reality, I think I've been damned that thirty fuck you two? What was you at one house? Getting my ass? Mother? A mother can't stop you from I'm going to get my son, giving me money and sliding ship to me. Come rescue me, motherfucker. So when when when when I went to prison, it changed everything. Prison taught me. Prison made me to like realize a lot of ship, you know what I'm saying.

And from the day I got out of prison, everything I did I did for my mother because I felt out older, because I put it through a lot of ship, you know. So it's just pretty much the ship I learned from my grandfather. The rest of it is self taught, you know what I'm saying. And I really felt like I can be this fucking monster, because once I started smelling the fear of motherfucker's and the and the running from me, and the and walking away from me and can't look at me, man, I felt like, Okay, I

got these motherfucker's. You know, at that point, didn't it didn't matter, you know what I'm saying. It didn't matter to me, you know. And my mom used to just tell me, kick back, kick back, you need to relax other things. It's coming for you. You need to do this. I didn't want to hear ship, But what where where mom, James are? I'm listening to mob James the whole time. I didn't want to hear nobody else. I wouldn don't know snatching persons, I wouldn't know uh uh, climbing through

motherfucking windows. I was just a goddamn game banger, and I was happy being one. I would certified being one, and that's the only thing that meant to me. Hold that thought, brother, We'll be right back still James eight, y'all neggas better give me my fire dollars. I put that on the set. I need to go get me some water. Mirror my motherfucking feet fucking with me. Gangster chronicles of my ass pay granted her money, This gangster granny. Y'all know me? Where you at? This is the question

for you. Do you think this gave you purpose in the family? The gang banger? What you mean the purpose in the family? Like like, do you think, um, the gang banging gave you kind of like a reason to beat, so to speak, and like a family, kind of like a family that you didn't have at home. No, it was, it was. It really wasn't no difference. I'm in the hood. I'm hanging with the homies. I'm getting used to the homies.

I'm kicking it at the homies house. They just became part of because now everybody is hanging in my house, you know what I'm saying. And man, I got so many goddamn stories and and every cat that know me, if they come in my house at six seven o'clock in the morning, I'm pulling a rifle out the window. Find at their assoun think y'all know it's too early. I'm shooting them motherfucker's. But the hood gave me that. I ain't worried about it. I I ain't worried about being homeless.

I got somewhere to go, I'm gonna eat. I'm missing that, so I didn't. I wouldn't insecure about it because I had something to do. I'm on the block all damn day, hanging out, trying to you know, sell fucking rocks and ship so and then I had my two brothers, you know what I'm saying. So that was family, you know what I'm saying. And and you know, my sister's and them were My little sister was with it. My other sister was, let's say, Beverly Hills like no, no, you

gotta love your daddy, shut the funk up. And I used to take take shi out on the boyfriends, you feel me, instead of hurting them, because that's one thing I hated. And I watched how my pops beat up my mother, you know what I'm saying. And I hated a motherfucker that be the woman and won't be the man, you know what I'm saying. And I didn't understand when he was at the motorcycle club and my fuck you, big man, guess my mother, damn me ain't doing nothing

to this dude. Yeah, this is motherfucker talking ship. But they talked ship like that. But at that time, I don't I don't know why you ain't getting in this dude. Ask why you didn't get in? My uncle ass. You know what I'm saying, He tells me. I gotta say yes, sir, or motherfucker. He telled me, I don't have to say that, but my uncle says, say yes, sir, and I wouldn't say it. I don't give a funk what he did to me, punching on me the whole nine. I'm not

gonna say yes, sir, he said. I ain't gotta never say that to no other man. So I'm going by what he's trying to instill in me. I ain't getting that. He mob. You shouldn't hear my uncle choking me telling me to say this ship. I'm looking at this dude, why do you snatch his hand off me? So it wasn't nothing he can say right there, his ship was

shot with me. And you know what, you know this one thing I noticed man in our community, it's a lot of secrets, man, Like I'm gonna tell you on the women's side, it's a lot of young girls to get raped at home, get sexually abused and never say nothing and just hold all that in. Man, it's a lot of pain in our community. But products of the environment. Man,

it's what happens in a lot of situations. Family members or motherfucker's close to home, motherfucker's where you know, you know, you gotta be supported by you know, and and and then like in in James situation, like he said, with Momsy's sometimes you know, women feel like, you know, being quiet and going along with the program and ship saves them in a sense. So you know, you never know about what kids have to go through in the situation.

So it's a lot of hidden secrets well being a kid and being touched by the uncle, mama, boyfriend, et cetera. They're scared to talk, they're scared to say something. And the ones that do what happens, Oh, he ain't tried to touch you. Mama takes the side of the man, because that's that's support the structure. It's fucked up, but you know, and and women bring all different kinds of men in front of their kids. They shouldn't do that, Yeah, which I never understood. I know some women today that

won't bringing nick in front of their children. Amen for them, you know what I'm saying. But you got women that won't you to meet their kids. Come on, man, you don't know what typing to guy I am. You don't know if I like boys or girls? Are both? Yeah, and that happens a lot to you know what. The boys? You got little boys that don't been And then we wandered around and it's like I was telling somebody the

other day. I tried my best. Man, I ain't perfect, but I tried my best not to pass judgment on people because I don't know what they've been through. You know a lot of people that a lot of women you see walking the street now doing different stuff, and you just, you know, we quick to call them holes and bigs or whatever like that, but they haven't been in some pretty traumatic ship. I had a home girl to stay next door to me. It was four girls, and I learned later on because the four girls was

all real promiscuous, right. They was known wh there's the girl's neighborhood if you want to go. They was everybody's first piece of a you know, but you find out later on, years later that their dad was real strict, that strict motherfucker. He was in there touching on all the little girls. Man. You know, he eventually he something eventually happened to him, and I don't know if he got locked up at what, but he eventually got, you know, caught up with that ship I heard. But he was

doing this for years. Man. And all of those girls, I think, out all four of them, maybe one of them turned out all right, but the mother three girls is lost because they had secrets that they couldn't tell. You. Now, just imagine you gotta motherfucker. You're a little girl, you're a little boy in some cases, and you got a motherfucker to come to your room every night and have his way with you, and you can't say nothing. You go to your your mama or somebody you think will

help you. Boys. Stop lying. You're lying, girl, you're lying. You didn't do that, or it's your fault that you did that. And besides that, you got the motherfucker that's doing it to him. Tell me if you say something anything, I'm gonna kill him. And that that that you know, uh,

female is calling that type of situation. You know what I'm saying because like I said, we uh men, sometimes we get caught in the fun up worlds of control and abuse and all that ship to do motherfucker's and then women be feeling like maybe you know, because they support system, or they came from a broken home or whatever, So they got to turn the other cheek, because then what's gonna happen to me if I if I speak up or if I do the protection, then what happens

to me? You get me, you know, especially if they that type, if they're not strong or independent or you know, like funk that you know, I get my own money. You know, you've got a lot of females like that today who are very independent and who won't stand for

certain ship. But you know, back in the days of old or whatever, or so certain situations where you know, where mama is depending on the man bringing home the bread or it's that structure or whatever, so they'd be feeling like, well, what the fund is gonna happen to me? So they kind of turn the other cheek and answer where you come with the men, that's where you come with the rebellion from the kids at young ages or whatever.

Well that's why That's why they got to understand. And it goes back to what I was saying earlier, excuses we being a stripper. I got a reason why I'm a stripper. We got excuses. We need to get rid of the excuses because I don't have them an excuse for the ship that I've done in my life. You know what I'm saying. But I chose to use and say it was because of my daddy. You know what

I'm saying. Funk all of that. When you eighteen seventeen sixteen, you know better, your mind is growing, You understand, you know right from wrong. You know what I'm saying. When you see motherfucker's out there shaking the ass and and and and tworking and ship, you know better. You know better what type of woman you want to be? What type of woman? What type of man do you want?

You know what I'm saying. If you if you working in the strip club and you get a nigger in the strip club that's watching you dance, and then he wants you to quit. I know y'all heard this so many times. You met me in the strip club, So why should I quit? Admitted the situation and change, ain't it? You got a good man, Now, I got you. You ain't gotta do that. No, it's already here, it's all. She already conditioned and and and she's gonna stay in

the motherfucking strip club. Nig I don't know if you're gonna leave in a week, why should I quit? You know what I'm saying. I'm telling you, man, it's just so fucked up, and it all boils down to fuck excuses. We just don't have no respect for each other, ourselves, real ship. Hey, let's pay some bills real quick and we get right back to y'all still James eight, y'all niggas better give me my fire, Donard. I put that on the set. I need to go get me some wannamera.

My motherfucking feet fucking with me, Ga, the chronicles of my assay Granny, her money's gangster granny. Y'all know me? When you know what the deals in our community, we do like to play the blame game a whole lot. We pointed everybody, We pointed at the police officers. Uh, we pointed everybody else, right, But we don't respect one another.

We don't. We don't respect one another. Um. I was talking to Bobcat, you know DJ Bobcat the other day and he said that, man, he said, you know what, still, I really want to change this narrative because he said, you know, the worst thing I ever did in my life, because you know, Bobcat was one of the found the members of Rolling forty cripp And he said, he goes back and he listened to these young cats start when he said, that's not something I'm proud of because it

don't been. I can't think of not one good thing that our hood is done besides a bunch of motherfucker's leaving the planet way too early, a bunch of destruction, and a bunch of mama's crying. He said he went to his homeboys funeral when he was younger, seventeen eighteen something. He said, that's when he realized, he said, man, this is some fun ship we created. It is you know, it's a it's a poisonous cycle. So I think we all have a lot of problems in the black community.

Not just did we create the gang mentality or did we or did we adopt that from all the ship that we were have we're seeing before us, we adopted what we saw exactly. Nothing was created we had that. We hate when people say that we created the gang ship and we started gang banging all that because it was the imagery of being the tough guy and the men with the pistols and running the neighborhood that came back from long before was doing that way before us.

So we adopted that mentality and that lifestyle because it was a way that we saw too to to to to you know, extend the pot or the piole or the money or the recognition or the ownership or be long men or whatever it is. But this is our neighborhood. We're gonna protect it. So we we are this. But we didn't form ship. We didn't start like whatever. We got that idea from other ship that was created. I think it was fond from all the ship that was

just going on. Gat war ain't war is nothing but female lived over here fucking with a nick over here, and that nick over here that was just bitch nigga you over there sucking her and he goes over there. But the homies don't know why this nigger gotta beef, you know what I'm saying. And you got I mean, this ship has been way before our time. You know what I'm saying. So here you got a big gas

game ward and it's it just got out of hand. Now, motherfucker's just pretty much beefing over the same old bullshit. But they're just more personal with it now than back then in the days. You know what I'm saying. Back in the days, you can see the homies and hang out and really didn't have to worry about these niggers coming to do a drive by. Now hit him eighty one eighty two. Niggas ain't got thirty eighth, No more

niggas using oozys and big So it's totally different. But it's just game banging has the same concept that it did when it first came to the hood. Nigga's protecting the neighborhood. So we think that that's what it is. We thought that's what it is, but then it went more personal because the leaders didn't like that motherfucker or this dude didn't like that motherfucker's so exactly, So it just broke down to a lot of different ships and and and everything had a reason for it. This is why,

this is, this is how whole boy got killed. This is why everybody has an excuse for something. But now it's just so fucking it's so it's fucked up now, you know, even with the way the world is going down and the way ship is changing. You know, these nineteen twenty year old cats that that have my development ain't paying attention that man at any time, Uh, we could be attacked by whoo whoo whoo, the the uh white supremacists out there like on one hundred and wants

you to see them. You know what I'm saying, niggas is getting hung and we're overlooking it, you know what I'm saying. And you're looking at all of these motherfucker's that's going to jail to day at the Capitol that was in law enforcement. I'm talking about top ranked motherfucker's and we're doing and but think these motherfucker's that's killing us in these police cars. What you think these motherfucker's is they're only showing us they out here. Now, Yeah,

y'all didn't hire some racist motherfucker's. And they're coming from the military's all ranks regardless. Here they are and they're taking us out and we ain't even paying attention. But we're killing each other. You know what I'm saying, because we're naive and we don't give a funk and we don't listen, we don't use this. And every time I say this ship, I ain't talking about them, I'm talking about we. We because I'm a very big part of

our situation today. You know what I'm saying. It's catching my neighborhood today want to be like that dude, or in every hood somebody want to be like that dude. Every hood somebody want to be like m c A. You feel me if it's if it's rapping, but man, I'm in the hood. I gotta get my grind on. It ain't coming to way it's coming. But they want to be like him. You know what I'm saying. Everybody is portrayed. I don't give a funk if your own or off camera, somebody is portraying you. You know what

I'm saying. So we are we we we are the fucking gatekeepers of our own motherfucking self. We just gotta figure out, like when the US be saying with the killing, we're killing each other and we're not noticing that it's outside motherfucking forces that are creeping who've been killing us for years. But we learned how to hate each other so much. We gotta figure that fucking ship out. Well, get your get your head out of the dirt and and and start paying attention to life. Uh, stop being

so goddamn proud of nothing. Because if you don't want to get a goddamn job and work at McDonald's, and then you met at the Mexican as you met at the White kids, that's working at McDonald's taco bells and all that other ship, that's your goddamn fault. If you kick alluminum can, pick that motherfuck up, you just kick five set, motherfucker. And Yeah, and when you see people collecting them cans and are selling ice creaming ship, here we go on the easy come up and we want

to take that ship. These motherfucker's just trying to work for this ship with no excuses. You don't have an excuse. You got You got these Muskan ladies out there at least fifty in their sixties doing aluminum plastic the whole nine time. We got too much motherfucking pride to pick up a can. We got too much pride to work at McDonald's. I worked for that eleven bucks man. That ship helps. Yeah, you know the weirdest thing I see, man, and it was real crazy to me. Man, you will

see a kid, some young people hanging out. You know, they're smoking the weed, just doing whatever, right, and you tell the motherfuck hey, you know they hang over here around the corner everything. Man, they only paying ten dollars. And now through that mentality and nigger can feel like I can sell me some ya or I can sell me some ship, and I can make two three hundred dollars a day compared to working at McDonald's getting the check. You get me to the young mind, Um, you have

to understand the mentality. They gotta understand. My I got a sixteen year old son, so his mentality everything is, you know, I want the freshest ship, I want the latest gear, the nicest phones. That's where I want this and that. Then when he's listening to his favorite rapper quote, you know a nigga fucker, bitch, fucker bitch, you know pop that Draco money, money money. You know, look at

my Balenciaga, this my shoes, this my dad. That influences a motherfucker to go working at No motherfucking McDonald's ain't gonna get me. No, Balenciaga. But I'm gonna tell you when you was doing, when you was going on tour and all that ship and doing videos halving the jury that was coming and half of the cards that was coming to the set of that video shoot, went right back to where it came from. Or didn't have my book. My thing was as a rapper coming up, I never

wanted to exploit that side of ship. If it was in mind, I don't want it. That's what I tried to stick to as an MC coming up. I never wanted to go outside of my boundaries to make motherfucker's think that it was something it wasn't. If you don't see the motherfucking Rose Royce in the video, that's because I don't got one. Well A, you gotta look at it to not to cut you off, bro, but you have to look at it. That's why you respected from east to west because you always portrayed the realness of

the neighborhood. There wasn't never no phony or nor to the youth, but to some youth like to me growing up, when I saw the nigger on the block with the el Co with the plush and the brand new Dayton's and the motherfucker. I thought, or ship going to McDonald's ain't gonna get that. So what did I do? I started selling crack because that's what's going That was, that was, it was already talked to me. I didn't have the father at home going you work hard, you go to work,

you bring the money home, you saved. I didn't get taught that. And then as a youth being able to hit the block, young, I was taught to serve and and and and get money. Now that that's what my mentality was. Not until I got older, I knew all this ship ain't for me, but everything that you didn't have, you try to get to your son, right exactly, my four year old grandson. We're in the Stoke. We're in Walmart and he said, I said, you want this? I think the chore was like or something. He said, no,

I want that. I said, that comes too much money. No, I'm not feel about that. No, I want that. He's learning two. You know what the fun you want? You know what I'm saying, the value, But I don't want to teach him that. You know what I'm saying, that's ship quick and swear the gout on my MoMA. Me and we got a big gass avocado tree in our front yard in Compton, and we had one in the backyard. Me and my two brothers picked avocados. Took him back then and was market basket and took him in front

of the store. We went and got a basket and loaded that basket up. And back then they had crocus sacks. Remember that. We used to one of the pair of crocus sacks back the motherfucker and it was J. J. Newberry's. They love to see us coming. We learned how to buy our own ship because our dad he wasn't giving us no fair of shoes from from alchin Fee was bigger than mine. His shoes that he was wearing. I went to me and the motherfucker's when I couldn't fit them.

The more they said in the goddamn closets, ain't no throwing shit away. Now that I'm teaching and my kids see different ship, they don't have to want for nothing. And that's why they when they get grown, they think Daddy's supposed to still be there. No, you're a grown motherfucker.

You do what you want. I ain't got that noticed what the young kids either, they don't value stuff like they should, because the thing is, and I think y'all might have had the same way if I did get that nice pair of tennis shoes, then motherfucker's came off when I came home, right, you know, school close. Yeah, you don't wear your your decent clothes or your school clothes. And when you come home, you take that ship off. You put on them old shoes, that old short set,

or that old T shirt. Because our parents back then knew the struggle and knew what it was, you know what I'm saying. So the value the kids nowadays, they don't know really the value of the dollar. They don't have to. Like to my son, my son every day he wants to run the fucking uh the in and outer canes every day. I want this. I want that you try. And then they don't value the dollar you

get me because it's every day. It's like And then I had to tell another thing, Niula, do you know I give you about dollars a day a day, not a week. For a fifteen year old kid, I give you thirty bucks a day, and I'll be like, and then I never saw that. And in my wildest dreams, my mom's are pops handing me thirty bucks and then just like the other day, just bought him a brand new helmet last season, brand new four hundred dollar right

there on helmet. You think I need me a brand new helmet this year, I need me that so and so so and so. I'm like, dude, are you kidding? So they don't understand the value of a dollar nowadays, because all lacy is rich, rich, rich, money, money money. And then a lot of our kids in this generation, if you don't take ahold of them and show them the hard work of Because you got some kids out there and go to school, they get them after school,

job whatever, whatever. But a lot of the kids, you know, like myself, grew up looking at the fantasy life of what it was to be the rapper or beat or whatever. So they haven't taught or hard They haven't taught hard work or growing up hard, so they misguided in some way. Like you said, James, little little nephew walked in the stow like twenty bucks. But she's got to give a kid a dollar to day. Look at you like what you can do. This is a true story. Last year,

my youngest son, two good kids. I bought him un uht. He had it for like maybe two weeks. Mother called me, come get in, which you mean, come get it. The battery dead? Charge the battery. Why is the battery dead? Because when he picked it up, you never drove the car. He wanted me to pay for the insurance. To motherfucker.

I just bought you a car. If my mama would have bought me one card had been cool, if my daddy would have bought me a card had been cool, I just bought you a motherfucker, and you say, come get it. It was a nice car too, I told his wife. I said, come on, let's go. I went to motherfucking him it. I picked that motherfucker up and drove it home. I said, okay, I say thou dollars, I might as well keep this motherfucker. Then I said, fuck it. My uncle hit me up. Oh I heard

you got the car, come get it. My uncle bought it. But you ain't never had a car dare in your motherfucking life. And this is what I say, I'm not passing us to find my children. Exactly. You ain't never had a car down Once I came and got that one, and you know it's done. You what you calling me phone, I need a car. Before I before I bought that car for him, I gave me my truck, my suburban.

You had that motherfucker for a year, came back, cans, bottles, all kinds of ship in the motherfucker right, my god, damn nig returned ship that don't had it for a whole year. Right after that, he gets the car. Right after that, I go get the car and bam, now you're calling me and telling me you want a car. What you want me to do about that? Imbody? You know motherfucking car? Well, you gotta who woo uh? You ain't me and you ain't playing for the motherfucker. You

know it's sad to say. You know, my my daughter is in jail. You know what I'm saying. She don't want to listen. She want to do her own thing. You know what I'm saying. All the time and money that I spent trying to help her, she still wanted to do her regardless of what I say. Babe, you need to you need to get out of Compton. Let's get out of Compton. Let's find an apartment or something. I ain't even comfort now what you want me to do? Now I get a phone call. She didn't stand out

with the police. I couldn't say ship, but she got her daddy, her mom, and you know what I got, I got her son. So don't thank you for the call me and have me sending your packages and ship. I ain't looking with you. But when you come home, I got you, because this a whole new start. I got you. You're gonna have that support system when you come home. But I'm not finished spend semi five dollars just to hold a conversation with you over the phone. You know the phone. It changed. You gotta get a

card and all that. I'm not They're not going to get rich off me. I'm not gonna do that. So you'll be talking to somebody else. So and this is how this is how funked up it is. If if you want to write, you got to address, write a letter, write me a letter. I write you back, stamp and ship, I write you back. I love you to death. But I'm just saying, you know, if we pacify our kids, man, and keep giving them what they want and keep belting them out and all that other ship man, we were favorite,

We're nothing my favorite lacause they've never learned. I wanted to ask you, James, you know, because this all times get what we're talking about, man, And this is a question for you to eight. How many people in the neighborhood do you think suffer from post traumatic stress? This order threw all that just threw all the ship that everybody don't have been through she pretty much everybody from being shell shocked, well, from being shot at and running

in and from being in your ask what by the police? Uh? Getting your asked what by the homies? Uh? Oh kind of ship? You know what I'm saying. I mean what I mean to what degree though? Some other fucker's just what that type of ship? Some other funer's just truly accept getting the asked what by the police? Now, this is the definition of PTSD SYS. For every one people who experienced a traumatic event, up to eight of them will go on to develop PTSD, a serious and severe

form of panic disorder. The suffering when trific when triggered, will experience PTSD symptoms, including a rap of irrational all encompassing flight or flight response to the stimula. Stimula could be a place, male, sound, or person that reminds them of the traumatic event, everybody walk into planet, would you just drive pretty much everybody that's been involved, that are lived in the neighborhood, Are that that that experience get the gang life cold? Just should? I say? Everybody that's

that's pretty much out there. Everybody done. Everybody got a story. Everybody got a story. Uh. But the only difference is your story not like mine. You know, our stories are like fingerprints. Everybody got their own unique story. And there's a lot of people out there that that been through

it and still don't understand, still don't understand. You got some cats out there in the sixties still don't understand and still don't know how to get away from what they experienced all their life because that's all the funk we know. Don't have a way out. So what you just described there is pretty much every everybody in this room then went through it and whatever somebody could say,

some foul that triggers us to go there. Well, you know the thing he was like, I talked to some people like I was talking to my kids one day, right, and it kind of tripping me out, and I forget sometimes that they was raised in the environment totally different than I was. Right, we was watching the Boys in the Hood movie, you know, to them, that's all new stuff.

So we're watching Boys in the Hood at home, right, and it comes to the part where the kid walk up on the dead bite said, here, y'all want to see a dead body, you know when they go over there and see it, right, and my son's and I'm looking like, damn, you know, motherfucker's laid out like a dog, I said, man snatchural, I said, east side of Cleveland, you will be walking to school and see a motherfuckering inside of the road and the ditch. You know what

I'm saying, holding his head, holding his face. You know what I'm saying. I saw motherfucker one time, look like his whole face was gone. And after a while, you become kind of desensitized to that ship. And that's the crazy part about it. You think that would be shocking to most people, but you could become desensitized to it. So it's it's definitely a whole bunch, And I think that man. I think what you went through was a funked up experience and it gave you probably a bad

view of therapy, But therapy, I think some people need it. Man. If I wouldn't mob, James, I wouldn't be here today exactly. Look at something and then the I think Black people, us as a whole, we deal with that type of ship situation differently than other people. You know, see a lot of kids who commit suicide or do kind of ship. But I think as a people, we deal with certain situations differently than other other races or other creeds or whatever. It's just who we are. We can you know, we've

been through a lot of traumatic ship. We seem to be able to handle traumatic ship better than a lot of people. That's because we're lucky. We're lucky we got out of it. We're lucky we survived the ship. And there's a whole lot of cats out there like you and I that are lucky and able to sit here at fifty say thank you. You know what I'm saying. It's a lot of brothers, bloods and cuyps turned into god. They preachers, you know what I'm saying. They don't care

about man. Brother, I gotta word for you, stopping you in the street. You know what I'm saying. Gang banking has has went so far to the left. You know, you pick up this goddamn phone and go on Facebook. You got gang members having sex with gang members. You feel me, it's just so not it. It's crazy as crazy as and and you know, I'm like this. When I was in prison, I've seen a lot of motherfucker's

fucking and getting fucked by other men. And I've seen a lot of motherfucker's come home to the streets with their chests out their pants, still saving and doing them because what I did independitentially, they haven't got nothing to do with my my gangster bulls shit. It does everything that we do, it reflects on us as a man, just just me being me. Everything I do reflects on me, you know what I'm saying. And and and cats don't

get it. You know you got that ship they called what a d L or some ship niggers on the download. You got a lot of that bullshit. Yeah, you know what the thing that pissed me off about that because let me tell the people out there for y'all get started. We don't care about what somebody's lifestyle, but we your truth, live your truth. Don't do this on the downlow and go back and put other people at risk because that's

what you're doing. Well, that ain't what what I was saying was U was that the ship is so watered down down today. And you know, you got a lot of us getting killed over still this color of the rag or and half of the ship is homies killing homies. It ain't what what game banging started out to be or where where when game banging went from bloods being bloods and crips being crips, nick and let's get at

each other. You know what I'm saying. Now his homies, well it's been like that from the beginning of time. But now his homies just out front, just you know, shooting the nig in his back for for a little money, setting up the homie because he funk with his bitch. You know what I'm saying. There's so much pussy on this planet. You ain't gotta fight for one. But but but niggas just doing over this thing called love, you know what I'm saying. So all of this ship is

so fucking watered down. You got gangsters, You got niggas with khaki suits on getting fun, pulling his pants down and bending over. Come on, man, that ain't what this ship was designed to be. This and and everybody ain't gangsters everybody and gangsters and can't be gangsters gangster by nature, not by choice. You can't be no self made as gangster. You can't be a gainster because that nigga said you're with the business. You ain't no gainster because you put

up a pistol and shot a motherfucker. You feel me, You ain't no gangster because you're doing all this dumb shit. And and I was never that because everything I just described I was doing. That didn't make me no motherfucking gangster. That made me made me. I was just statistic. I did what I thought was right and and and and that's how I wanted to live. Yeah, this ship ship is crazy, and nas need to get their motherfucking get

their motherfucking mind right. Whatever you did in the penetctrial, touch much some motherfucker's the nickel told me in the penetuctual they had life. I never see no money, I never touched another female. I never get no pussy. So the closest thing to fucking is going to somebody's ass. O. Man, on that note, On that note, right there, man, You know everybody's situation is different. Research and get you some help. You can't get that shot out there. I got something

I want to talk about. The real quickness told you all for this. Our hundred episode is coming up man next month on the mark. Which should we do for the people already got a couple of the long term fans that they go come through. You know what I'm saying that all through? Should we open this up? I know what the COVID ship going on. Everything welcome something special I see up here. We got all the hand

sanitizers and masses is mandatory. We want to celebrate our hundred episode with with the people that help us got here get here and a couple of fans. Yeah yeah, and uh, they don't have to worry about nothing when they come. Just sit back and we do our show it or whatever, do our Hunted episode and maybe we can get them up here at the round table and and let them tell them what they love about the show. You know what I'm saying, I really believe that I

mean giving back. Oh yeah, for sure, we gotta go out the bottles of champagne. Yeah, because you know, especially because I'm looking to you know, shout out to Eric Cai road to dusting um and if I miss your name,

I'm getting no don't do that. But I see y'all, and I notice y'all, and I appreciate y'all because y'all have been at guys there from day one to the changes that the show went through when they've been there, and really pretty much because of y'all, that's why we're here, you know, and exactly just keep on the lookout for that. We're gonna be posting more information about that. And that's it. Phillis. I want to say one last thing, Um, we got

a lot of kids out here still. I know you can reflect on this one too before we get out of here. With the mental health thing, with the situation in California and a lot of kids not being able to play sports right now, a lot of kids are depressed and uh, you know, committing suicide or just being way deep into depression. So just hanging there, you know, I'm one steal is one. We all got kids, grandkids,

you know, uh, and it's a serious situation. So um, and noticing that other states are allowing their kids to play sports and all that, so we need to just get back to some kind of normalcy, you know, try to watch your kids out there, watch the signs of depression and if you can, then just try to get your kids out there to try to do some kind of activity exactly because they got club ball now they got all kinds of stuff. Um, And like hey said,

we're here. If y'all need somebody to talk to, you know, hit us up, hit us up. You know that that's what we're here for. This is not you know, we don't do this for no type of glory. You know, we're not chasing fame of money or not here that we're here to help, you know. Like I said, James talks to people, get them, you know with his knowledge, uh steal you and myself, like I said, being involved with kids in sports, you know, so we all have

something to lend to the to that aspect. Sorry, Yeah, if y'all feel free, hit us up, d MS, contact us whatever you can if you need somebody to talk to about the situations exactly because I'm sorry James, but the statistics to this ship man, since sports been gone, they said, it's been an increasing team pregnancy, more kids of killing themselves, more kids are going to jail, joining the James and stuff. So it's like it's it's very important that we keep these kids and important that we

find something and give them something to do. They gotta need out, and that out is to have have some way where they can call and talk to people like us. You know what I'm saying. I swear to God to y'all, I am so passionate about this ship. I am so passionate about helping cats like me. I see a whole bunch of these little dudes walking around here, and I'm like, if they only knew when I should have been. Man, let me high light you something. Don't want to howl,

but let me high let you. Man. I see the same facial expression. I had that expression when I was thirteen. You know what I'm saying. You know it? You know, I know it's a lot of these young dudes out here that can't be reached but want to be reached. We just gotta just keep doing what we're doing and and touch as many as we can, you know what I'm saying. So one day we're gonna be in a position to where, you know, talk is achieve. Fuck the bullshit. Uh,

you're gonna see James McDonald out there. You know what I'm saying, would be right with your right You know, That's what the Father and Father foundations. For Yeah, I know, I'm just I'm just speaking because I see it every day. I see it every day and cometing right now in the day we got all of these these kids. They're still killing each other over bullshit and niggas ain't got no grapes. They just killing each other in l A. They're just killing each other, you know what I'm saying.

And at some point they got to stop because you know, one thing we do, we quickly kill each other, opposed to going up to the If five motherfucking white supremacists come down East l A And with the businesses on some bullshit, the majority of us ain't gonna know what the fund to do. Oh that's for real. But you know what, you know what's funny about that, And I'm gonna leaving on this note. I saw a guy say something the other day. He was saying, you know it,

I killed white people, and he did on purpose. Right first, he said, I killed niggas all day. It ain't nothing to me. Nobody said a word. But the moment he said I kill white people, it's like everything just went ballistic. Just think about that a little bit, Sean. I see it every day. Yeah, yeah, we holic y'all next week. Well,

that concludes another episode of Against the Chronicles podcast. Be sure to download the I Heart app and subscribe to the Gainst the Chronicles podcast For Apple users, find that purple mic on the front screening your phone, subscribe to the show, leave a comment and a rating. Executive producers for The Gangster Chronicles of Norm Steel James McDonald and Aaron M. C taylor. Our visual media directors Brian White.

Shows audio editor is Taylor Hayes. The Gangster Chronicles. Here's a production of The Black Effect Podcast Network and I Heart Media. Any questions to comments hit us up The Gangster Chronicles Podcasts at gmail dot com. Peace be safe out there in Chronicles. He's brought you by, but brought you back. Podcast Network