Can A Woman Raise A Man

the Streets. Hello, welcome to the Gangster Chronicles podcast, the production of My Heart Radio and Black Effect Podcast Network. Make sure you download the I Heart Happen. Subscribe to the Gangster Chronicles for my Apple users, hit the Purple Michael your front screen, Subscribe to the Gainst Chronicles and leave a start rating a comment. So when we at the school, we just left out the six hundred young men. At least five of them their fathers wasn't in their lives.

So watch so let me tell you where that comes from. That comes from a guy that's broken and he don't really know how to treat women. And then it comes from a woman who was broken and her father wasn't in her life, and so she thinks he cute and he thinks she cute, and then they get together and watch this. She end up pregnant and he not ready to be no father nor husband, so he like, oh, man, now they got baby, Mama drama. Now she raised a young boy or a young girl and the father ain't there.

And then when they grow up, the young boy don't really know how to be a man because his father wasn't in his life. Or if it's a young girl, she don't know the value that she has because her father wasn't in her life. And as soon as you meet a young guy, and as soon as he meet a cute little girl, they get together and the cycle

cause tinues. So I want you to know that's why I took you there, because I just left the high school with six hundred young African American men, and over five hundred of them their fathers are not in their lives. That's the problem. That's why I came to see us. You to tell you, when you meet this, I know she cute, but you gotta ask yourself, are you willing to take care of the child. Are you ready to put a ring on it? Is she wife of material?

Like do you even know anything about her family? But you were holding and you sleep for her, and now you help adding to the system. So I'm asking myself, where are those five hundred fathers? Are they dead? Are they in prison? Did they get married somewhere else? And Mayor knows that, Like where are they? I'm looking at five hundred young brothers that don't have a dad in their life. That's a problem, and I want the mission

to help reverse that curse. You know what I'm saying, Like, we gotta make the necessary precautions so we not have it here having kids just running around like listen, God, it's levels to it and it breaks my heart. I'd be going to school's girls become enough to me talking about my dad. It's not in my life and why don't he love me? And she crying in my chest? And I ain't gonn front. I pissed. I'm like, where buddy,

and he probably somewhere. Think he's smooth, Think he cute somewhere on Instagram, Snapchat, Like you know what I'm saying, kicking it. But his daughter got her face buried in my chest. She's crying. That's the problem. So I'm excited to feel honored to stand before so many young men. You gotta ask yourself, are you ready to really be men? Or do you want to just be adult males? There's

a difference. How are you gonna be men of honor, men of valor, men of substance, men of integrity, men that have responsibilities, men of leadership that people look at you and you can be trusted to lead them and guide them in the right direction. That type of men, men that have been trusted with influence. You know what I'm saying. But you say, you know, since I got this number on my chest, since I got this number on my back, since I got this ball in my hand,

you know what people look up to me. I'm a role model. It starts now, But you gotta start asking me or something like, yo, how do I get to that point to why I even want to desire that? What's happening? What's happening? Was happening like it? Welcome you to another episode of the Gangster Chronicles podcast. Now, my man James just taking care of some relione and a to be on in the minute. But I got some

special home girls in the house with me tonight. I got rid in Britain from the Cousins podcast, the Home Girls. So when I reached out to you guys the other day or you girls, you girls, you women the other day, I was having a conversation with one of my partners then, and he suffers from what I like to call toxic masculinity. Right, he thinks the man is supposed to do everything, is you know, the woman's supposed to stay at home, in the house and do everything. And then he told me

that women are incapable of praising a male a wrong man. Um. I got some of his points, but I disagreed with him on a lot of points too, And so that's why I wanted to get you two in here as mothers. You know, two mothers, right, two mothers, two mothers and two black women. And it was normally in our culture you do normally see the woman raising the sun kids body self, doing everything on their own, even if the father was involved. But once that father used to leaves

the house, everything is on a woman. M They don't have to be I mean, I I have a son and so his father, me and his father broke up, um, and he was like two. But I never felt like I could write like like that. I didn't have him to be his dad, like to raise him, like even though he wasn't in the home like he was there and now because I included him in a lot of things. You know, I'm a single mom, like I had to do it. Um. I do have my son is twenty and um, but I did have certain males in his life.

Felt it wasn't just me per se, but the majority of the time it was me, Like he's in the household with me. But I mean I mean like my brother or you know what I mean, like his big cousin or something like that. Like they would step in where there were where I couldn't know what I'm saying exactly. That's big, you know, because some people don't have that, right, No, a lot of people don't have it. Um. You know.

My thing is, it's always it's hard anyway when you had that separation, right because now you're living in two different houses and one of you, one of the parents, is gonna be there with that boy full time. And it usually don't start into those little dudes turned around twelve eleven and twelve, they started getting tall, they started getting bigger, and they started talking back. Did y'all Did y'all ever have any difficulty? Because I know I always

had a male figure. Even though my Pops wasn't in the house with me, he was around and I would go see him on you know, every other weekend or whenever, you know, whenever he wanted to come. Whenever I wanted to go out, I could. But for the most part, all the discipline was going on with my step pops. He was way different than my daddy. When I want my daddy, I was able to pretty much do what I wanted to because he was out there. He wasn't trying to discipliney when I was out there. My dad

was more like a big own boy anything else. It wasn't no discipline going on. If I wanted to drink a beer, I could. If I wanted to stay out two or three in the morning, I could. I was doing everything because he didn't have that disciplinary and type of thing going on. He was just so happy to be able to kick it with me. He was letting me do whatever I wanted to. Now, back at home, I had to be in the house at a certain time, I was getting the mask, wepons and everything else when

I got his line with y'all. So you would say he was necessary to have a man in the house. Well, my son's father, and mean, we we broke up, we separated, so, um, he was with me. But up until he was I mean, he was all he was. His dad was always around. But yeah, when he turned about fifteen, he went to go stay with his dad in the same city, same school. You know, his dad actually moved up to the city

where we were because we lived in the valley. He lived in l A. And we just always had this thing where it was like, Okay, when he gets to junior high, he's gonna come and be with you, because I just I felt like what you said, like you know, they're gonna puff up. It's just things as a woman like I just can't teach him or show him or

even you know, get him to understand. At the same time, I think that um him, if he would have had the same type of emotional intelligence that that I like, if I would have raised him with my emotional intelligence versus him seeing when his dad handles things, you know, a little bit more logical not to say that, you know, but where women were more emotional. So I think that that plays a big role, you know, in how he handles things in life. And sometimes I don't get it. Still,

I'm like, what you know? So, yeah, I think it's important to have a male figure, to have somebody there life full time. I think it's important. Yeah, it was very important, though I don't think, like I'm gonna talk about my mom's for a minute. My mom's with lady hands down. My mom said nasty hand game. So if I got the line, she would just punch me in the mouth. She wasn't playing around, right, But it was when at a certain point that wasn't going for that.

No more so was sher single mother. You know what, I had my step pops in the house and now uncle around, so they did most of the discipline and stuff because I did. If you know, I think every boy has a tendency when they get to a certain age to swell up a little bit because my mama's. A big thing would be you can wash dishes, you know, you can wake up in the morning and Saturday in the morning and clean up your room. You had shots to do. I would have to cook for my brothers

and everything's left a while. Especially when I was around my little homies, I wasn't having that. I just wasn't having And I don't think I was a bad shout with I just think men in particular, when a boy is four team, he's a man for all practical purposes, he's usually figuring physically stronger than his mama. So if he decides to just nut up in there, what does the woman go do? What can she do? And like bread it is, you know you have brothers around, you

had other males around because it dude, take us. I'm gonna tell you, I got two sons and I had to beat both of the asses at one time. They wasn't bad kids, but they I've had to funk them up a couple of times just to show them, like you you can't make this team. But luckily I haven't

had to do that. You know what I'm saying, Um, my kids, pretty Um he's pretty you know, he's pretty chill, like my My main thing with with him for me is I wanted him to experience life and stuff like that and like get like be outside a little bit more like he you know, he's more like he'll he built his own computer, like he's more into like reading and stuff like that, Like he don't really give a

damn by a whole lot of stuff. He just really got on social media, like he's happy that he got his twitch and now he's got stuff streaming and stuff like that. But honestly, my son is not really out there like that. So I really haven't had that issued out. I've been around like friends that have do have sons and they tell me this ship and not be like, damn, I don't know how I will react because I haven't had that for me. It's pretty much just trying to.

I really just want to make sure that he's straight and he knows what he needs to do, you know what I mean. If I ever was to not be here, like I want him to be able to be you know what I mean, just responsible and just do the things that he needs to do. But it's hard because I can't really say, like everything needs to do as a man, you know what I'm saying. I can't say that you feel me like I could tell him what

I think. I look, you know what I mean, But I can't really genuinely say like something you need to do this. I could tell him what I like or what you know. I know other women or girls like or whatever, but no, we as a man, how do you do that? You know, see both of y'all these cool moms, and you had a cool son, and every kid is different. Like my oldest son. I only had to do that to him one time. I've never had to walk my oldest son. He was always good, never

told lives my other one. It's like he came out the wound rage to rags Hill. You feel what I'm saying. He was just a free spirit just from the time he could walk. He was always into some ships. So I definitely would say that my wife could have raised him on her own because he was just too just them. I'm trying to look for the right word for because he wouldn't have kids, always had good grades, always was still an athlete, always did everything he was supposed to do.

But he was just very independent, had his mind made up. I'm gonna do what the funk I want to do. Nobody's gonna stuck. I got a house full right now. So how old are your children? My son is eighteen, oh right, but half the football team is always here, so I've always got at least six or seven boys in the house every day. It's been like that. But um, I've had kids like that since I've been coaching football

for the last thirteen years. So I've got kids around here who I've been around since stay where eleven twelve years old? So I'm kind of YouTube. Uh. You know a lot of kids, you know, some kids who dads are not around. I deal with a lot of those, so they're usually at my almost every day. But you know, um, differently than what you were saying. Still, you get to a point sometimes I guess when us us um, when we are growing up. I, like you said, we turned

fourteen fifteen, Uh, we get that courage. I guess what do you want to say? Talk back ship? Uh? I was raised in the household, single parent household. Um, but my parents got divorced. Father worked at General Motors. Uh. Mother was a registered you know, certified nurse and assistant. So um we had the house you know, mother, father keeping me and my sister. But we witnessed a lot

of domestic violence in my household. Yeah. Um, so my mom was one of those who you know, maybe once, maybe twice, three times nigger No, So she left my pulse. So my scenery changed, you know. It uh went from the dad mom in the household to the single mom moving to the what you call a ghetto, you know. Uh, we left South Gates, it moved, and I had to move, as maybe about a four or five year old kid.

We moved to Compton and the rest was history. My father wasn't around, you know, MS typical as a lot of kids in mine, drug abuse, you know, domestic violence in the house. I was a seventies kid, so, um, I saw a lot of at So I was practically raised by my mom's But I gotta ask whoopings with switches? My mom was from Gulfport, Mississippi, so I got a lot of that South treatment, you know. Um, I was

scared of my mom's growing up. You know, I didn't want to do ship to out of line because I knew getting out of line sid She went outside and got a switch off the tree and usual to get your ass with. So how do you think that affects your relationship with women now? Like now? I I never had a horrible relationships with women. I was I've never been physical with women, you know. Um, I think that just came from um watching what happened in my household

as far as my dad and mom was concerned. So even though I went through the transitions of of gang banging and selling dope and all of that, and I never used to what they could. I never hit on women. I never used to beat on female. Are you whatever? All that ship, But I don't know, it was never my forete because, like I said, growing up in the household with mom's and my sister, you know, but then I still had unties around and you know, heavy in the church. You know, we had to go to Sunday

school and all that type of ship. So I think it kind of put me on the path to where I wanted to be a straight kid. Like you said, you know your sons, they we have different choices nowadays. I didn't really have too many choices. You know. Father was gone, Mom struggled, she worked at I got influenced by the streets at an early age because my mom's worked from eleven o'clock at night to seven o'clock in the morning. So I was left to the streets, you know,

me and my older sister. Um. So it wasn't the fact that my mom's couldn't raise me or didn't teach me values because uh, that's why you know, I didn't go to the extreme as far as the ship I got into, because I always used to think in the back of my head, my mom's gonna fuck me up if I get caught or you know. So you know,

I started gang banging and doing all that ship. And it wasn't necessarily because you know, you hear the stories of your my mom was on dope, my father was gone, I had no I basically just I started gang banging and ship as the rebellion of feeling like, you know, it's just what niggas did in my neighborhood and growing up. Um, And then I guess because I didn't have a father around, I started like still saying getting that little you know,

because father wasn't around. And you know, fifteen sixteen, I'm seeing dudes slang dope and gang bang. So that gave me a little you know, it gave me a little attitude is to where, um, you know, if my mom's would tell me something, you know, Uh, I don't think I ever got out of line or cuss my mom out or talk ship like that. I just was influenced by the streets. Now, if my father was around who knows. But my mom tried to do everything that a father

would do. Uh. She put me in sports when she could. You know, she always participated at school and ship like that. Um, she sent us to a private school. You know, me and my sister So and we lived in one of the baddest parts of Compton. But you know, so your figures was from the street or that you didn't have. I didn't have no we I didn't have like, um, all the family who had transitioned from Mississippi to here, they were all females. There weren't There weren't no males here.

There were no uncles or big brothers or you know, I didn't have none of that. All my all my family were women, my aunties. I had like four aunties who transitioned from Mississippi to California. So and they whole family. It was like what seven eight girls and one boy. So I didn't have uncles and fluent said. My influences came from when moms went to work. You know, the sister boyfriend come over, he from so and so. He's

selling dope. He won't he won't when you walked to the store down the street, sniggers on the corner banging and slanging, and you know, hey, hang with us, my little nigga, Hey come to the store with us, my little I didn't have no male figure who was like, don't do that, you know. And my mom's because she was so busy with trying to raise us and pay the bills. She next she didn't if you the asked her, oh no, my son, don't gang bang. Oh no, my son, don't you know? Because at home, I still was the

disciplined kid. I wasn't the outrageous kid when I came off the block. You know. I'd go around the house, tucked the gun, tucked the dope, and then come in the house and be yes, ma'am, no, ma'am, you get me. I never was like, oh man, fuck this ship Monty wool up until I guess when you're a middle child, you start feeling a little you know, my sister was older then my mom's had a young another child, so I started feeling that middle child ship. You know, he

getting she getting shipped. So that's what led me to start gang banging and ship because I don't know, I was just trying to be rebellious. But I never felt like my mom's did a bad job or like she didn't raise me right, you get me, because if anything, she tried to instill a lot of ship in me to where I would grow up and be a righteous you know, man, human being or whatever. But it was

just those. It was just those, like I guess, is what you call the obstacles that you would have to go through it sometimes as a young man, that you have to figure out. And that's what I did in those transitions of of from from sixteen seventeen of eighteen, trying to find the identity of who I was gonna be because around me it was nothing but gang bangers and dope dealers. You know. Um, I lost the interest

of being. Uh, you know what my mom tried to instill in me, and I guess that that comes from And I don't know if that would have happened if my father was in the house, you get me. I mean, does that does that affect your relationship with other men? Because like I said to me, I think men are more logical than women. So how do you think that affects your relationship with other men? Or how did it

affect your relationship with other men? Um? I didn't have too many relationships with other men as far as you know, true friends. Instead, it took me until I got older interactions. How do you think it affected your interactions with UM? I was. I really didn't interact with other men, so to speak. I was always guarded, quiet, UH never wanted to be around. I'm like that today. I don't like going a lot of places. I don't like being a

lot around a lot of people. UM, I could count on probably my one hand the male friends I know or have you get me? So, I don't know. I guess it was just being raised by my mom and my father not being around. It didn't give me a resentment towards him because I still was able to talk to him. I mean, he was living in Oklahoma, got remarried.

But you know, UM, I just felt as as I started growing up, uh, anything that transitioned with him had turned into like whatever, you know, And it took a while for uh me to communicate with him on a regular you know. But I never had no resentment to like, man, fuck him and whatever. Whatever. You know. I was kind of glad he left because I got tired of seeing my mom's fucked with you get me? So I didn't have a UH. I still used to go over his house. I used to take some of the vacations to go

see him in Oklahoma. And I think when I got to the point of maybe around seventeen eighteen and we had a disagreement, I stopped talking to him. I probably didn't talk to him for ten years. My sister kept My sister kept from contact with him a lot, and UH up until he passed the nineties. Seven. I started communicating with him, like probably a year before he passed, But once I started doing my thing and was working

and moving around, I just stopped communicating with him. You know the interesting thing about that dynamic eight, the way we are raised definitely influences the people that we eventually come because eight is right. I've known eight for a long time, and I swear the first year I was just trying, you know, you're trying to get to know somebody, right, He wouldn't hardly talk. Then the more we came around and started talking, he was actually talking to me and

laughing and joggling everything. One day and I was like, Okay, I guess I finally get the meat. You know, Aaron, now you see what I'm saying. So he definitely checks you out first before he He's definitely guarded and reserved around people. He don't do a whole lot of talking. You know. Now we have conversations, some really good conversations about everything about fatherhood, about what the boys are doing,

everything else, but mine was kind of the opposite. And um, one of the biggest things I learned to respect about my mom is my father was a very abusive man. But I never heard about that from my mom. I heard about that later on from my uncle's as I got older, because they didn't like him for whatever reason, and I would always wonder, why why don't you care about my pops? Like why don't you like him? You always talking mess about him? And I got an uncle that just let me have it one day and told

me that Nick he this and that one thing. Whem, I had to fuck him up behind, like you know, And so it made me start looking at my pops a little different because my mom's is my everything. So when I found about about that, and plus he did some dumbship one time, like my pops still had a lot of mature to do, and he told me that he apologized in so many words much later on in life, because it got to the point, I don't even have

my father's last name. I have my stepfather's last name, So it would be a time to war when he would come out here to California, great grandfather, like, we're cool and everything, my grand my kids know him as their grandfather and everything he comes out were kicking and stuff like that. But we took a ride one day, just going to the grocery store the street that wound

up being a forty minute ride. I wound up a riverside somewhere just wind up, you know, riding and talking to him, because his whole thing would be all the time, why don't you change your last name and such and such? You know you ain't this and that, And it kind of pissed me off a little bit because I said, hold on, you had a choice. My last name was Munson, which is my mama's maiden name up until I was

like eight year nine years old. You had plenty of time during that period to come there and be like, hey, I need my son's last name, mon need to have my name of the first certificate. But you wasn't the wrong because you was hiding because you thought my mom was trying to get you on child support. Whatever I heard all about it, he was alright, you couldn't catch him hiding and at its hiding the basements and everything else to him. Yeah, said the tune. This happened to me.

I was maybe thirty five at the time, maybe thirty five. I was already a grown man because he kept pressing me over the years, and I got tired of being nice about it because it would piss me up all be like, man, how dare you so the man that did raised me? Willie Still he's dead right now. There's no way I would dishonor his what he did for me by just saying, you know what, what you did for me, Pops, I'm gonna change my name because a

lot of who I am like that. My step Pops was twenty five years older than my mom, so he was one of them dude to do to troll haird the cigar all the time and would leave your suite and throw the Cadillac right. But he didn't play no games. He took care of our house, He took care of all the bills. We had everything we wanted. He put us in our first house. But he was always a dude that went to work. So it was no laying up in Wheel's house. You wouldn't go lay up to

nine or ten o'clock in the morning. You know, you said your people some god Ford eight. My family was from of Port, Mrs. And my father was from Tampa, Florida, So I come from South Um. But I correctly what I'm doing. What I can say is I don't know if Derek is uh you know, and I guess women

could you know, you could y'all could answer this. Do you feel if as a single mother, there is a point in time to where if you have a son that he needs that may all influence to take him to the next level as far as being a man, do you feel that you need that man figure to be able to raise your son or give him the guidance to be a certain type of man, or do you feel like as mama should I got this? No, I mean, I've had this so, I mean, but I did come to a point in life where I was

just like shit. I think it was when he got about maybe like fourteen or fifteen. May I think ye again, like it's certain stuff that he got to be going through or you know what I'm saying that he my son is like introverted. Like now he's like now he goes out, he does his thing, he has a little click, he does whatever. But it took him a while to even do all that. Like I used to sit there and be like, you don't guard like you do you lucky, like you let him be him. He gonna do what

you do. So yeah, like he literally, like I said, he was just pretty much like into his computers and just reading and like stuff like that. He really wasn't like you, He'll come and socialize with the family for a minute like whatever. But but that's when I mean, you were sending them down to pop us house for you have male influences. Right, So my brother, like my brothers live out here, lives in Diego, but whenever to

get a chance. But then they talked like you know, face time or whatever, like they talk or whatever, or like if I felt some type of way, I'd be like I'll call my brother like hey, like I wis should I do? And He's like I'm gonna call him, you know what I'm saying. So my brother like really helped me a lot um in that situation. Like his dad was there, but his dad I think that his dad doesn't. I don't think that he was really taught really how to. I don't know. I want to say,

be a father, but he just really doesn't. He don't really talk that much. I think, Um, I was a young father. Um I had my first kid when I was seventeen. Um I just started wrapping, um still gaging, banging, still trying to be in the streets. So I don't think that um I was ready to be a father. You know, as far as I didn't know Ship, you get me, I didn't know and not being not being raised by a father, basically, ship, what am I supposed to do as a father when Ship my father left

when I was like ship five six? You know everything I saw my mother do you know? So, Um, when I had my first kid, my daughter, you know, I tried to do stuff that I knew my dad didn't do right, but it was a hard and then she was a girl, so you know, Mama was there, Mama whatever. So but when I had my son, knowing that my father was in around, uh that that influenced me more to wanna be a game, joined the game, sell dope and be on the negative. Even though my mom's tried

to do everything she could. Like you, she tried to do everything she could. But when me and his mom, you know, separated, whatever, my first thing was, I'm gonna tak him to stay with me. He was what we tried to stay together. I don't know from the time he was born, because I don't know. I think I wanted to have him have the sense of of of family, right, you know, maybe his life will turn a little differently than the struggle I went through of having a single

moment the house. So you know, we moved in together, and you know, from the time he was born to the time he was about eight years old, you know, we did everything uh enrode in and forwards through programs, all that, moved all the way out of the city, maybe hour and a half outside of l A to give the I was feeling like maybe this could lead to a difference. And then so when we separated and it was time for us to go our separates, I took him with me. He was eleven and he's been

with me ever since. And from the time he was five, signed him up for football and I started coaching and you know, everything that had something to do with him, and as far as represented as a father. I tried to do that because I didn't have that, so I figured maybe that would that would make a different path for him and would teach him differently than how I was towards you know, females coming up or whatever whatever. So I can say he's totally different than what I

was as a teenager. You get me. He stays in the house, he his friends, he plays sports. You know, he uh no trouble, never gotten any fights or anything like that. So I just tried to feel like maybe you know the influence of trying to have a father in the household. It helps them. It gives the kids a little more you know, it's always good to have

both parents in the kids. Like I mean, you don't have to necessarily be together, but I do think that, um, you know, there's a lot of strong women out here who can do it on their own, but just the influence of having that that strong male figure, because like I said, I've seen a lot of kids coming through football who dad's never came to practice, you get me.

And I would wonder how that would make kids feel, you know, seeing that I'm with my son seven, you get me, whether it's taking him to school, picking him up from school, taking him to practice, picking him up for practice. I just wanted to show the presence because back in my days, like I said, a lot of us who didn't know how to be fathers was absent. Yeah, we got girls, We got girls pregnant back then, and wasn't like we were something. He was living down the street,

you know, around the corner. It's just that niggas didn't know how to be fathers. We wasn't talked, so a lot of women had to raise kids on their own, and a lot of like I would never like again, I would never say that a woman couldn't raise a man. But there were certain things that a man could teach us, uh, you know, his son that a woman couldn't do. But my mom's was a single mom, So I would never be in a position to say that a woman couldn't raise a man because ship I didn't come out saw

for nothing like that. My mama was hard on me comment growing up. You know, women have definitely proven throughout history that they are capable of raising men because we are result of that. Even though I did have strong man. I'm gonna go back to something you said eight. I think that with men, we either go one or two ways. If we had a horrible male figure in our life, we usually transferred that pain over. You got some guys that transferred that pain and they become even worse than

their father was. And you got guys like me and eight. They said, you know what, I was always the half brother in the house like Pops. My mama had kids. You know, my two brothers had the same datty. I always felt kind of left out a little bit, and I think that's why he gave me his last name. That made me feel a little bit better. But in

the back of my mind, I still knew Man. I wish I could be in the house man where we all had the same father, because in reality, I should sit back and wish that that was my father, because he just carried himself in his way, like he always had a bankroll. He was always sharp, but he always went to work. He didn't do no illegal he wasn't with no illegal activity. He said, if you want something, you get up and work for us. So that was

my role model. So when I had my kids and when I met my woman as my wife, now I kind of said, man against all, I'm gonna make my family work. I'm gonna be with just one woman my whole life, and that's my son. If we have more kids, I don't care. She can't stand me. We used to

be having kids together. You feel what I'm saying. We were just gonna keep this family together because I never wanted my family and I never wanted my kids to feel like, you know, if she got with somebody else later on, that they was the one outside looking in kind of you feel me. So I've always made sure to overly be there for my kids and be because he one thing that my pops wasn't my step pops. He didn't believe, and no kind of emotion like he

wasn't a type those gonna give you no hug. His way is showing you he loved he was by paying them build and making sure you had food to tell He wasn't gonna do all that stuff, but he did. Let you know. I knew later on because when he died, I hadn't talked to him and about probably like eight years. I have my own issues because he needs to with my ass. But me looking back at it, it wasn't just me, because he woke my brother's ass too. That

was just his get down right. So I was kind of mad about some things, um, and he was on his deathbed and he was telling me he couldn't talk, and it took me a lot to call him. But when I called him, his wife had said, this is amazing because this is the first time he's actually been able to talk to you. You know that man died three hours after he talked to me, so he was waiting to talk to me. It was like because he kept saying, because he the only want to call me, Norman,

Tell Norman to call me. I don't know what I did to him for him not to call me. And I would always have attentions, but you always got excuses like I'm too busy and the way I was still less scared. Look, kids, I used to be scared of Pops man. Pops didn't play no games. And it wasn't know, negotiating your way out of nothing, because he would whoop your ass or whatever it was around. If a lamp, if an extinction cord to a lamp post around, I

don't see them. Next cords off a lamp from the back of TVs and everything else up like them where he could then he could take his built off and one swoop bab he would just reach down and just one swoop this built coming off, and I would just be like, damn, this dude didn't have no mercy. But I looked, I looked back at it. That's why a lot of my friends that didn't have that discipline it was running around on the East Side, they did, they wound up dead. I saw friends getting hold off the

prison at sixteen. At fifteen eight, you don't see that same stuff. Eight. Yeah, it's And I'm said, um, you have something like some situations to where you just didn't have mymas who didn't give a damn if you had them single families, and you knew the knuckle head niggers in the neighborhood, and and and and the females who was on the wrong path. I'm just thankful that I had a strong I had a strong who would not

let us, you know, go down that wrong pattern. I can't say I was the straightest kid you get me. I got into some trouble and I don't and I don't necessarily think that's because my father wasn't around. I was just I was just a kid who I was smart, but then I played dumb. You get me. I was smart, but then I played dumb because I knew damn well some of the ship I did was gonna get me in trouble. But that wasn't because I didn't have the right upbringing ship. I was just because I wanted to

be a motherfucking curious, dumb kid. You know, go ahead, you so sorry to cut you off, but let me ask this because I just thought about this, right. You know, you've got a lot of women that don't want to baby that you're wrong at all, and they take the kids from the you know, they take the kid and pretty much going to hide into whatever. Now sometimes I'm

against that, don't get me wrong. But sometimes if that motherfucker is abusive and just don't mean no damn good, I think sometimes and he was best that he's excommunicated from the kid's life, because sometimes the type of niggas can do more harm than good. Like you said, if could either get it to where they're gonna mimic that said later, or they made the opposite. Like my brother, he valid he wasn't gonna be like my father. Like my father was was a good dude. He just had

like demons. You know what I'm saying he's an alcoholic or whatever. And he wasn't always like that, but you know, once he got our jail and stuff like that, he just turned to liquor and stuff like that. So he really wasn't able to really be there for us like you know he should have, you know, so my brother, you know, he did have a lot of resentment for that.

And when you were younger and Ship like, you were like I'm running away and stuff like that, and I'll have to go chase him, like you ain't gonna know what you told about your stuff like that. But now you know what I mean. He's a father, he's married, he's America twenty years, he got um, he got to two kids, and he's at every basketball game whatever, like football, whatever some want to do like he did, total opposite.

So you can have those things where sometimes maybe a bad influence and you may be like, oh him, I'm never gonna be like I'm never gonna make my child feel that way or never be that way. Or then you may be like, oh, Ship, this is how it was supposed to be. So I'm be hall. You know, I was taught so it can be. I mean, I've never um like I said, yeah, you can. You can. You can flip that ship. You can take a bad situation and if you have the right attitude in the

common sense to I ain't gonna be like that. I'm gonna be different. You know. I never, um, I probably can't even never recall the time where my pops told me he loved me. Never. But I make sure every day when my son go to school to tell him I love him and that ship is crazy, because I don't want him growing up to feel like my Posts was just hard as motherfucker. You know, my Post used the gang Bang and he's known for making them records and being in the movies, and he was just hard.

And started realizing like, man, you gotta change the narrative. Because I was sitting down talking to somebody one day and I was like, oh, no, we didn't do that ship. You know, we well, nobody's sitting around the house talking about you know, we're getting ready to leave and go out to the hood or something. And the motherfucker be like, all right, be careful, I love you. We didn't do that ship in my household. It was ship. I mean,

we we just didn't do it, you get me. Uh, not that it was in love because I talked to my m every day and every time we get off the phone, it's like, Okay, I love you, Okay, I love you too. But me growing up in Compton and gang infested in moms, you know, going through the divorce and all that other ship and we're living in the hood and all, but nobody talking about I love you and my moa fucking household. It was just like, uh,

be careful, watch out and knowing the situation. So from what I've seen growing up, as I said, I had to change that narrative. So you know, any time my son we get ready to go play his football game on Friday nights, I make sure I send him a long text message and at the end tell him I love them no matter what happens, you know tonight. And I never told my pops, hey, I love you too, but he with no problem, Hey I love you too,

Pops and whatever whatever. So it's starting to change the narrow ative of of what I saw and what I grew up as and saw in my household that I want him to take that to me differently because you didn't change that. I didn't have to grow up and be the alcoholic, let me let me, you know, abuse my woman and then have my kids scared of me and crazy and dominating the household. I I didn't want that. I wanted my kids to feel comfortable and loved and the ship that people see on TV, like, you know,

we do that ship to here. Oh yeah, I tell my kids we love them and yeah we got Christmas lights on the house and Santa Claus floats in the front yard and all that ship. You know. I want to give them a sense of being normal too, and not being that different narrative of of of the black household. You get me the father who left or don't never tell the kids he loved them. And it's just hard and well, I grew up from Compton and we gained and you ain't supposed to tell the motherfucker you love

them and that type of ship. So you know, you just have to be different, man. I think you know, you gotta take from what you've seen or what you saw growing up in in your household and what your father might have done or mother might have done, and you just have to change that for the better. I mean, because we got so much resources and and ship that we can that we don't have to live the way that they did or what we saw. So that's why I say, you can never put anybody in the position

of saying being a single mother, father or whatever. Man, you just have to be able to raise the kids right and put them on the path of being better than the situation of what you came with, because you know, I feel I came up pretty hard, so I didn't want my kids to have to come up like that. Yeah, for real, for real, how is your relationship with your pops coming up? Because we always talk about the you know, man's relationship with the mom. I know, daughters and their

fathers are typically pretty close, right. Yeah. I had a relationship with with my dad. He was him, my mom was married, they divorced. When I was like to my dad, um, you know, he was an alcoholic, he was out like, um, he's out there. My mom would actually like drop me off over to his sister's house because she knew he would kind of be around, you know, and she still

wanted me to be able to like see him. So my dad he was a bummer at one point where I would play checkers with him or just like, you know, he'll be around in the neighborhood and kids and be like, oh that you know that's your dad or whatever. But um, he got itself together and he stepped up. I had to go live with him at one point. Um he had he laughed, and when he came back, my mom was in a situation where I needed to go live

with him, and we had a good relationship. My dad, though, was very like I think only got one I don't even think I got a whip in Like he hit me like once and he cried about it. Like my dad was very like I pretty much got to do what I wanted. I live with my mom, my stepdad, my stepdad, my stepdad. He was we we got into it many of times. We bumped heads many of times. You know, he was one of those streets dudes. It

was like in the streets or whatever. You know. Always um treated me as his daughter and I have a sister by him. But it was too different. Like he was tough, not like tough tough, but he was tough. Whereas my dad like it was like he ain't nothing, but he was in my life. You know, they're both in my life. So my kids they have like I have two moms, stepmom my mom. You know my two dads. I just didn't have a grandfather. That's how he was in my house too. I think that's just a black

household things my kids got. The the friends asked like, yeah, I got two grand posts, I've got three. Yeah, Like that's just how it is, you know, And I know it's you over there trying to hire what's going on with you in your pop's relationship? WHI She was like you going. I know me and Moops was cool. We had a cool My pops was just really like was craziest, but like he was that person to be like high Scoore. I getting mad at like he was just crazy, but he was. I was the only girl like he had

you know boys like all boys. I'm the only girl. I'm the oldest, but I'm the only girl. So I'm always was always a baby girl. Like I didn't get punishing and whippings and stuff like the boys did. It wasn't happening now you just go upstairs, like you know, I was the princess. You know, So we didn't have a cool relationship, like did I I wish that he was, you know, him and my my mom. It's crazy, my mom, my dad got They met when they were like eleven

and twelve. They had me at sixteen. Two weeks later, my mom turned seventeen, my dad turned eighteen. I literally like it was crazy. So he really didn't know, like like he was saying, like he really didn't know, like you know, how to be a father, like he was ship ship. Now you're trying to take care of family. Then four years later then my brother comes, you know what I'm saying, that he gets married to my mom.

They're like hell a young trying to hold it down or whatever like that, and they just didn't they they lost their way for a second, know what I'm saying, And then they both came back full circle bed Unfortunately, like you know, he he passed away. But um when he always would say like you know you baby girl, like you know what I'm saying, you know you you treated such whatever, so like we have a bad relationship.

That's dude, you know. And I think the father is very underrated because like you said, I think you turned out to be the person you are. I think your mom got a real big influence on you. But the older I get I think is how your relationship was with your father. I know, for us as men anyway. Um, for you guys, it may be more of how your relationship is with your mama, you know. But I think for men especially, we um based our lives, and we become who we are based on our relationship with our dad.

Because a lot of things, I just knew I didn't want to be sorry. I didn't want to make no fake ass promises to my kid because I remember being a little kid, we stayed like in the basement apartment. In the basement apartment, you know, you got the windows up here, you know, you see the ground and the thing, and it would be a Friday, and you know, I'll be waiting for my dad to come. I remember I would go get my bags. I would get them brown grocery bags and put my clothes and stuff in it.

And I would have me a little book in there, my comic books. So I'm okay for the ride this house as far so I'll be prepared, right. And man, I remember I was sitting the couch. He's supposed to be there five o'clock, five thirty hids six o'clock here, and my mama just there looking at him. She's like, baby, let me go put your clothes and think, no, my daddy, go come. I got my coat on and my little boots on and stuff. No, I don't want to go

to sleep. And I remember I would go to sleep on that couch buddy for that nagame and then he wouldn't come. I would be so sad, and then it would be like during the time I would sleep, he don't came and gave my mom five or ten dollars for me, and think that that's you know, like, and so I see him a month later, Oh, did you get the money I gave you? Just like, man, I didn't think about that money. I don't want to come and kick it with you. I just want to be

with my dad. And he did that to me so much to where it got to the point to where I couldn't stay in that dude, like I really didn't like him, and he would come and try to give me. When I got like thirteen and fortune, I was like, I don't want to go. I don't want to go. And then during that period I remember room, it was a period to where he called the house and I picked up the phone upstairs and he was cussing my

mom out, like calling all out of names. You gotta think my mom got us, man, and so he getting on, he getting mad. You know, people get to grabbing pistols and stuff, and I go do this and that, you know. So I was mad at him about that because he let me see that over ignorant outside of him. You sure, what I'm saying, just something you should never do in front of your kids, you know what I mean? He called my mom out out of her name, and I'm

cussing him out, and it's just got real crazy. And even still to this day, I had to work with that forgiving him because sometimes we need be around and be saying stuff like I try to call the shot out of a mom, like, man, you ain't got the right to be doing all that home. You're cool that you're here, but you're gonna calm down, you know what I'm saying. Like you remember, And I told him like the last time we got together, and I don't like to live in the past. I just don't think it's

healthy to live in the past. I think it's you need to forgive people for you because when you are broad bottle up all that energy, it's just bad for you and you wind up becoming the person you don't want to be so I've forgiven them for a lot of things, but I don't forget because I think it's some stuff that you should have to be punished for them and remember in your mind that you suck up. I think we just I think people need to be careful about who they go lay up and have kids with,

you know what I mean. I think that's a very important thing. Even if you don't wind up with a person, I just think you impact us to somebody else's life, you know what I'm saying. So I appreciate you all coming home and having this deep discussion with us tonight. Thanks for having Yeah, y'all probably thought. Y'all probably thought we was gonna be on here trying to go back

and forth. We because those women that don't let men see their kids that I think they gonna deal with something later on in life and their own is eventually that kids will get older. I want to see us that anyway. Oh yeah, I think it's important for you know that relationship to so gloomy life. There's no reason to like keep in domestic violence situations where they're hurting the kids. Yeah, but no, why why are you keeping this kid away? From their father. I think it's hurting them,

but it's not. It's hurting the kids. It's hurting the kid for real, for real. So y'all back to doing your podcast again full time. I know y'all be on there on no ceilings with glasses every week. Y'all back up running yet we um know, we haven't. We haven't started recording our show yet. So we like, we've been talking about it. We got like, you know, yeah, so you don't need to do something. He don't nobody to talk ship like these girls. They talk a gag and ship.

They're being nice. It'd be a nice night, but they has to be talking again and ship on the night. When there's some ship some ship talking, they go about, Yeah, well, I know it's late. I'm gonna let y'all go. I appreciate that. What can people find, y'all that you can follow us at the Real Cousins, the Real Cousins everywhere, and y'all heard it here first, think crazy as a month, check them out and we are here. Well, that concludes

another episode of Against the Chronicles podcast. Be sure to download the I Heart app and subscribe to the Gangster Chronicles podcast for Apple users. Find a purple micro on the front of your screen, subscribe to the show, leave a comment and rating. Executive producers for The Gangster Chronicles podcast and Norman Steve, James McDonald, Aaron M c tyler, our visual media directors Brian White, and our audio editors Taylor Hayes. The Gangster Chronicles is a production of Our

Heart Media Network and The Black Effect Podcast Network. For more podcast from My Heart Radio, visit the our Heart Radio app Apple Podcast Wherever you're listening to your podcasts,