[00:01] Katie: Welcome to the Focus B show, where Katie Stoddart, high performance coach, interviews experts around the world in performance and mindfulness. Now, here's your host. Katie.
[00:34] Leslie: Welcome to a new episode of The Focus B show. I am thrilled today to be here with Leslie Saglio. Leslie is a master coach, facilitator, and speaker. She also worked as a Hollywood executive and a startup co founder, and she is now the creator of The Feminine Power and Purpose Immersion. Hello, Leslie. Welcome to the show. It's so great to see you here.
[01:04] Katie: So good to be here. Thanks for having me, Katie.
[01:08] Leslie: My pleasure. It's great to see you again. We were connected before in Barcelona. I saw you speak at a couple of events, and now you're here today on the show. And I'd like to begin with, I know that you're the creator of Feminine Power and Purpose Immersion, and I'd love to hear a bit more about what feminine power means to you.
[01:30] Katie: Yeah. So feminine power, well, didn't start out lightweight. Growing up as a child, just to give a little bit about how that got all started, because, as you know, we met in Barcelona. I have this incredible international and purposeful life, helping other women activate their feminine power so that they can be happy and free to live a more purposeful and pleasure filled life. But it was not always like this. So growing up as a child, as an Asian American in California who looked very different than her peers, I struggled with self worth and confidence. I got teased. I got bullied. I was tall. I was dark skinned. I had an Irish last name, which did not match how I looked on the outside. I wasn't white enough for the white kids. I wasn't Asian enough for the Asian kids. And there was one person that really got me through that hard time, and it was this girl named Bo. And so while I yearned for a sense of belonging, I really sought external validation outside myself. This is essentially what drove me to work really hard. And so I spent the majority of my life looking outside myself for answers. I spent many years in my masculine right, so pushing Striving instead of letting life support me. And so in Los Angeles, California, I ticked all the boxes. Right. I graduated from the prestigious business university. I worked for one of the biggest entertainment studios in the world. I was successful in my own right, but I still played small as a woman. I still lacked confidence. I still didn't really know my self worth, hardly raised my hand, put up my hand, did all the things that I was told would fulfill me, but I still felt something was missing. Right. And so then in London, when I became a mother, moved my life for my French husband fiance. At the time, I thought that I can find that as a woman, because that's what I was told by definition, that's happiness and success as a woman, get married, have kids, I thought that I can find that right. When I had my kids, I thought for sure that was the missing piece. But I continued to be really hard on myself. I had feelings of shame. I had feelings of guilt, because my entire identity up until that point was my work, right? It was completely revolved around my work. That's how I was raised, which I'm sure most of us, right, that are listening on this call. So it wasn't until my childhood best friend, Bo, who I mentioned earlier, she passed away from cancer. She passed away from cancer at the tender age of 33 years old. She left behind her husband, her eight year old son. And that changed everything for me. I flew from London to Los Angeles to bury my best friend from childhood. And it was on that full Virgin Atlantic flight that I was sitting there and I felt so alone. And while the plane was still on the tarmac and was getting ready to take off, I just remember the tears just coming down my face. And I began to ponder, what if I was that one? What if I was the one that died from cancer, left behind my two children and my husband? And at that moment, I didn't know whether to keep crying or to stop my emotions, like pick myself up, wipe my face, maybe watch a movie or drink some alcohol. Just numb my emotions, pretty much what I'd done up until that point. But I realized in that moment, nothing could take away the pain. And as horrible as this experience was, this was the epiphany that really, really changed everything for me. And so it was thousands of miles away from everything I ever knew. Living in Europe, when my childhood best friend passed away from cancer in the US. This was the catalyst that made me question how I was living, how I was raising my children, how I was managing my energy, how was I valuing myself as a woman, not just a wife, not just a mother, not just an entrepreneur and producer and performer, but a woman. That really set me on a deep personal development and spiritual path. And so I realized that no more being a lone wolf. I think that's what most of us women do. We give, give, give, give. We don't know how to receive, and we go at life alone. We think we're supposed to do it by ourselves. We don't look out. We don't lean in for support. And so what I did is I hired a mentor, realized I can't do this alone. I took control of my life, got accountability, and really learned the tools and practices to really stay in a place of calm and clarity and bust through my limiting beliefs, to get clear on my purpose, to get that confidence and self worth, and really started to live a more conscious, meaningful and happy life. And so I was able to turn my pain into my purpose, really, really tune into my own innate power as a woman and turn that into my passion helping other women as well, which led to me creating feminine power and purpose immersion. So that's kind of I wanted to share that because I think for women especially, we really connect through story. It's so important that we realize that we're not alone. We always see on social media, we see all the successes, we see where people are already at, but we don't know so much the story of what it took them to get them there. And it's through vulnerability that we actually connect. It's through vulnerability and through stories that we actually can start to heal and we can actually start to step into our feminine power.
[06:48] Leslie: Yes, that's so true. And it's really interesting to hear how pain became your purpose, because I feel that so often you have to hit rock bottom before you realize that you were slowly, gradually getting there. And it's also, I think, very relevant for a lot of women listening, this whole masculine identity, especially women in leadership positions, pushing themselves, acting in the more yang peak performance approach, and letting go of the yin aspect because they're afraid of appearing vulnerable. They're afraid that the yin will be seen as a weakness and not as a strength. So it's also great to hear that you tapped into this. And I can also notice from the story you were giving that in that moment, in that painful moment and on that flight, that was, as you said, the epiphany, but also the moment where probably you realized where things were not aligned. So maybe in your career or the way you were managing your energy or your self worth. So I'd be really curious to hear what happened afterwards. So once you started working with your mentor, obviously this is a long sort of journey. We won't go through all the steps, but what were some of the key realizations that you had that helped you to have greater self acceptance and to realign your life in a way that made you feel fulfilled?
[08:08] Katie: Yeah, beautiful question. Well, some of those keys really were, other than getting support, is to really understand where my limiting beliefs were coming from and to know that it actually comes from society. It comes from a long generation, from way back, my mother, my grandmother, long lineage of women that we've been living in this patriarchal society where the ego driven is what powers the fear, the separateness, the separatedness and control, which has really been at the forefront. And so to realize that, okay, it's not me, it's actually how I was raised, how my mother was raised, my grandmother was raised. There's nothing wrong with me. Right? There's nothing wrong with me. And so while, yes, during this time, this very masculine time in a modern day society. There's been incredible advances in technology and standards of living and in education. Yet we are more depressed and lonelier than ever. And so I think what we've seen, especially with last year, with Lockdown is that the planet is in this state of old, systems are dying. Whatever we've been doing is not sustainable, right? We cannot continue like this. And so Mother Earth is really calling forth a new awakening of consciousness in order for us to survive on this beautiful planet that we call home. And it's really a shift from competition to collaboration. From fear to love, from fact to truth, from separateness to oneness, from left brain to right brain from war to peace, from force to flow. And so while there are many beautiful aspects like we both have masculine and feminine energy all of us have that. Mother Earth has that. You have the sun, you have the moon, you have the yin, the yang, like you mentioned. But there is the healthy masculine and the unhealthy masculine which is what we've been through for about 5000 years. It's been very imbalanced. And so now it's about how can we come to balance. And that means stepping more into that feminine that feminine way of living and working. And so that for me was really, I think, the awareness. The awareness that there was nothing wrong with me. That I was pushing, pushing through the pain and not being pulled by a vision because that's how I was raised. That's how society culture, my education, my mother, my father. That's how I was raised. And so now it's really about unlearning that unlearning that way and remembering remembering the truth of who we are as women. And this can relate to men because everyone has masculine and feminine. But like I said, collaboration over competition, fear versus love. There's all these different aspects to really balance that imbalance that we've been in for so long. And so for me that was the huge awareness. Just having the awareness I think is like already that's where the shift occurs. And knowing that you are not alone as women, we really, really that's where the healing comes through story and connection. Knowing that you are not alone in how you feel and that there is a way on the other side that there is light. You just need to really lean in for support, get the tools and the practices wonderful.
[11:20] Leslie: I think it's such a powerful message because I feel that when people are reaching that rock bottom when they're going through a hard time there's this tendency to feel they are alone on the moment that pain is linked to a feeling of solitude. So having that awareness and knowledge that there are other women going through a similar time or also difficult time that there are the people out there that can support them. And like you were saying, collaboration instead of competition is so incredibly powerful, and what type of practices do you use in your daily life? And do you recommend to your clients to tap into this yin energy, to release this feminine power and overcome fear and self doubt?
[12:03] Katie: Yeah. So first and foremost is to be present, to be super present. As you know, many of us know we're always on the go, something had to be done yesterday. And we think that by doing a lot of things at one time, we'll actually be more productive, when, in fact, it's the opposite. And so it's in those moments of pause, not only can we really hear and tune into our own inner guidance, which is really the power of the feminine, that intuition side, that real deep clarity, connection to our emotions that we can really get, like, okay, what is it that I should be doing right now? And it's in those moments of pause and silence that we can get that clarity. When our mind and our day is filled with to do lists and what we should be doing and other people's opinions, whether it's the news or email, there is no way we can listen and tune into our feminine power because we are giving our power to something or someone outside of ourself. So I would say the first key is to really, really pause. Have a meditation practice, which I know you do, which is beautiful, and you talk about that here on your podcast. Start a meditation practice. I know for some people that feels like, oh, I don't have 30 minutes. Don't start with 30 minutes. I always tell people that are new to meditation practice, the only wrong way to meditate is if you don't meditate at all. Right? And so five minutes a day. Five minutes. Just start with five minutes for one week and see how you feel. See how your day may be different, how you might be breathing differently, how you may be reacting to people differently. How is your experience life different when you start your day in meditation? And I always say that morning is the most supportive. All the ancient religions and sages say that morning is when we're the most receptive. Right? So instead of starting your day with your WhatsApp or your email or the news, which is mostly predicated on fear, start your day in silence and really tune into your innate wisdom within yourself and tune into your feminine power. That would be my first and foremost top key. Yes.
[14:02] Leslie: The meditation is so important, and we were talking a bit off air before recording the podcast. How? When I met Leslie three, four years ago, I didn't actually have a meditation practice. And I told you that I didn't meditate, and I don't actually remember this. So it's great to see that three years later, there's been some progress. And I love what you said right now about the only wrong way to meditate is if you're not meditating at all because there's so many preconceived ideas around meditating for a certain amount of time or around if you have thoughts then you're not really meditating. And those are just things that get in the way and prevent us from beginning a meditation practice. So I would also like to reaffirm and reconfirm and reinsist that. Meditation is extremely powerful to help us to be more focused and present and manage our emotions. One of the practices I know that you do a lot is around breath work and this is less common. I think meditation is starting to become a lot more popular and breath work is still a bit not that used, except people maybe who follow Wim HOF might do this with the cold therapy. So how would you recommend for people to start a breath work practice?
[15:15] Katie: Yeah, I love that. I love that you asked breath work. They say that breathwork is the new yoga and breath work is great because you don't need to be on a mat. You can do it while you're driving, walking like right before you step into a meeting or on a zoom call. It really I found is the quickest way. I mean, I actually do breath work before meditation. I do not just go straight into meditation because even though I've been meditating for nearly a decade, I can't just go in there. I need to do some breath work. And breath work is the one, our breath is the one thing that we can physiologically can control. So when we can control the breath, when we can just bring our awareness to the inhale and the exhale, that instantly calms the nervous system. And you're probably aware of this as most of your listeners. Our nervous system, we have either this fight or flight, the sympathetic nervous system, or we have this rest and digest, which is the parasympathetic nervous system. Well, most of the time, most of the day we are in this fight or flight, right? Which is incredible because we don't have a lot of threat in modern day culture compared to our way long ago ancestors where they were really like fighting the bears and the tigers and looking for how are they going to survive each day. But for us now, as we've evolved as a culture, it's like we can perceive an email or text message or an instagram post as a threat. And all of a sudden, our cortisol levels rise, and we were looking for threats, and we perceive it as a threat, and then we're in this state of fight, flight or freeze. And so breath work is really the one thing that can just get you right back into a state of presence. And so there's many different practices, as you mentioned. There's the winhoff method and for me, mine mostly came from yogic practices because I did yoga and meditation together. But I would say even just deep conscious breaths, right? So inhaling and exhaling through the nose. So a lot of us, if you do exercise, you're breathing in and out through the mouth, right? Like if you're doing aerobic exercise and the yogis say that your mouth is for eating, your mouth is for eating. It's your nose that's for breathing. So I just encourage you to take deep inhaling through the nose and inhaling out through the nose. And you make this kind of like Darth Vader sound where you have like this you're literally making that sound through your throat where you're exhaling. And just me closing your eyes, I always encourage, if you can, if it's safe to do so, close your eyes because that will really help you, again, get into the body, get out of the mind, and really tune into your breath. And just do that. Just start with that. You can rest your hand over your heart, one hand over your belly, and that will also help to calm your nervous system. Again, you really want to get in touch with your body, get out of the mind. This is a somatic practice because so much of our time in the day is spent in our mind. So we want to make that mind body connection. What is it? What is it that I'm feeling right now? Why am I being triggered? What do I need in this moment? So if you can take those deep breaths, come into presence and just ask yourself, as you tune into your innate body's wisdom, you will get the answers that you need.
[18:25] Leslie: It's interesting when you're describing the breath work because it makes me feel that while I meditate, I think that's what I do. So I think I'm combining both because I don't always know where to place my attention. I tend to place it on my breath and then I might count a certain number of times, four in and four out and four in. And so I really focus on deep conscious breathing. So do you think this is also common to combine sort of a meditation and breath work practice?
[18:54] Katie: Yes, absolutely. You're doing everything perfect. Like I said, there is no wrong way to meditate. If you are receiving the benefits, if you feel yourself that you're more calm and more present, you're more productive in your work, then you are doing it. That's perfect for you. Absolutely. And even if you do the breath work before the meditation, there's still, like you're saying, practices where you are focusing on your breath, whether it's like you say, count of four, or you're visualizing a square and you're inhaling holding exhaling. So there's different, there's so many different practices and that could be a whole nother episode, but yes, absolutely. Again, like I said, the breath, so our mind will wander. That's normal. There is no way we can think of nothing because that means we would be dead. So if the mind starts to wander again, yes, you can bring it back count your breath. Count your breath and just bring yourself back into that focus and awareness. Perfect.
[19:47] Leslie: What sort of impact have you seen from practicing breath work and meditation? How has it changed your life?
[19:54] Katie: Immensely.
[19:55] Leslie: Immensely.
[19:56] Katie: As you know, I'm a mother to two children. I'm an. You know, I've been living in Europe for almost two decades now. So my life is very and know, entrepreneur. So my life is very different than what I had imagined it to be. And like I mentioned before, I came from this coming from America very high octave producing lifestyle where less it's not as balanced as Europe, the work life, family balance. So for me, having a breath work and meditation practice has been life saving. Life saving. And that's really where I started, right, is the meditation. The mindfulness practices yoga. If people really want to just move their body, you do focus on the breath. As you move your body with the breath, there is that again, you're using that practice like a muscle. It's like as I move, I can still be conscious with my breath. As I move, I can steal deep, deep breaths. And so you're making again, that mind body connection. It's simply a practice where your body will start to remember and it becomes muscle memory. And when you're off the mat, you're just starting to do it. So, yeah, it's been an incredible practice, breath work and meditation together. For sure.
[21:13] Leslie: Yes, for sure. And it reminds me, again, at the beginning of my journey with yoga, and I remember right at the very beginning when I was doing these sun salutations, and I had to remember when to breathe in and when to breathe out. I would take it already. I tried to remember the movements, I tried to focus on doing it well, and I have to think about my breath. And it felt so difficult. But these things are just a matter of practice. And I love how you say that. If we practice them in yoga, then during the day, we're far more likely to think about it while we're walking or while we're working, sometimes while I'm being coached. And it's something particularly vulnerable or emotional. My coach says breathe, and I'm like, oh, yes, come back. Breathe. Because it calms you down. And like you said, it activates the parasympathetic nervous system. In the last sort of five to ten minutes that we have together. I'd love to talk a bit more about purpose. So in that moment where you felt alone, when you had all this pain and the flight, and then you worked with the mentor, you tapped into your feminine power, you found also your purpose. This was obviously a huge transition in your life. And nowadays, how do you help women to find their purpose, whether in life or in their career?
[22:28] Katie: Yeah, thank you. Thank you for asking that. Because just doing the tie back, right, it's like, how can other women do that because we all have our own unique experiences, right? And our life. As a PhD. I share my story, but that's my own story. But again, everyone, like I say, everyone, we're all the same. We're all the same. And some may just be a little bit further along, but at the end of the day, we're all the same. And so I've helped women that really are experienced success. They're married kids, like my client Sarah, who's a top entertainment executive. She had all the things right on the outside. She had everything. She had everything that looked like your whole definition of success. The top entertainment executive job, the husband, the two kids. But when she started working with me, she was burnout. She was exhausted and she really didn't feel fulfilled. And she didn't really have any joy in her life. And it was through working through a lot of her. This is what I do with the women I work with. And this is my experience, is our childhood experiences, what have been those very early experiences that we experiences that we can remember consciously or subconsciously that really affected the course and trajectory of our life viewed? What was our money story, how love, marriage, relationships, education, like all those things that we.
[23:54] Katie: Thank you for listening to the Focus B show. We would love to hear your feedback. Let us know in a review how this episode inspired you. Keep buzzing.