[00:00] Welcome back to the Focus B show. This is Katie Sudddhart here aka the focus b. And on this show I interview high performers and leaders around the world to discover their secrets on peak performance, productivity, mindfulness and leadership. So if you want to take your performance and your leadership to the next level, then you're in the right place. Listen up and connect with the magic.
[00:36] Powering through on this fourth episode of Expertise in my season of Tea and Pie how to improve your time, energy and attention to have greater profit, impact and expertise in your business in your life mostly in your business but also this can support you to lead a more fulfilling, peaceful and happy life. Today's topic is self compassion. This is so important. I really hope that out of all the episodes this gets the most views, because this is something that is often neglected, not talked about enough, and especially for hyperachievers, is something that's often overlooked. And I also feel there's a lot of misconceptions when it comes to self compassion and what it actually means. All these terms of self love and self compassion actually turns high performers off. They are far more likely to listen to how to build a community, or have mission, vision and purpose, or be more motivated than they are to listen to self compassion. Which is why if you're listening today, fantastic. And if you're not, well, hopefully you will at some point. And so why is self compassion so important? Fundamentally because if you don't have self compassion, you won't be able to a feel happy in many ways, but also support other people in feeling happy. And you will develop some form of dependency on different things. For instance, you might develop a dependency on results and achievements. If you're a high achiever, you will only feel happy once you have certain results. If you are the sort of person who really likes to please others, you might develop a form of dependency on other people's approval and what they think of you. And you won't be able to take actions where you feel you need to reject someone or say no to something. And the list really goes on because essentially, if you don't have self compassion, you don't have the ability to be kind to yourself and to approve of yourself and therefore you're seeking it in other people and in other things such as achievements or in material possessions. Again, the list goes on and on. It's possible that you develop addictions of always being on your phone, or Netflix, or to eating, or to drinking alcohol, or la la la. And basically this is because you are searching for love, for kindness, for approval, because you're not finding it within yourself. This can be a harsh realization. I remember the first time I heard about self compassion and it was actually with Cassia Osclaw, who is actually also interviewed on the podcast. In one of the very first episodes. And she did a workshop in Sohouse in Barcelona, and I was sitting there and we were meditating. She was doing a guided meditation and she explained self compassion and she asked questions such as how do you talk to yourself? Are you kind to yourself? What words do you use? And as she was saying all of this, it brought tears to my eyes and I realized how harsh I was on myself, the high standards I was. I realized that I was never pleased or satisfied with anything I did or said, and that it was as if there was this constant voice in my head that was dissatisfied and angry and annoyed with myself. And this is very familiar for High Achievers and perfectionists. I also did an episode on high achiever and perfectionism in the time series of this season, the third time episode. And so I already covered a bit the importance there of self compassion. And the reason I'm going back into it. A is because it's super important, b, because it is linked to expertise. And you might think this is a bit of a leap between self compassion and expertise. This is because if you're able to be compassionate with yourself, by this I really just mean being kind to yourself, talking to yourself as you would to a close friend, and not talking to yourself as someone that's constantly doing the wrong thing or not doing well in love. If you learn this ability, because it's an ability to be kind to yourself, first of all, you're far more likely to be kind to others. And also you will be able to generate certain levels of high performance that will support you in being an expert in your field. So I agree it's a bit of a tangent here, but it's also important when you are working on your thought leadership, when you're working on being an expert in your field and in your business, not to neglect the self compassion, not to only focus on the achievements, on the great results that you have on the book you've just published. But keep in mind all along that you care for yourself and that even if you don't achieve those results, you're still worth it, whatever it is. You're still worth love, you're still worth being alive. And this is so important. It's such an important message, especially for business owners, because we put ourselves under a lot of pressure. Generally, we're very passionate about what we do, which is amazing, fantastic. But if you are constantly putting yourself down, if you're constantly saying that you're not good enough or your results aren't good enough or you're never going to make it or this isn't working, it will slow you down in your business. It will prevent you from getting to the level of expertise or high performance that you want to be in, and it won't make you a particularly happy person. And I know that it's something that constantly needs to be worked on. And by worked on, I mean noticing when you're going down that rabbit hole of negative thought patterns when you're thinking about yourself that you're not good enough. That things are all messed up just remembering we're all worth it. We're all worth love. And you will improve. And things are getting better and it won't support you if you're just mean to yourself. Yeah, it really doesn't. And this is a paradox, because I know that for high achievers and I've explained this already in my episode on perfectionism and hyperachievers, but it's worth repeating that we feel that if we're not harsh on ourselves, if we're not constantly telling ourselves off for not doing something better. We feel that we will slack and we feel that we won't deliver to the same standards. And this just isn't true. You can have discipline, you can have high standards, you can want to do things to a high level, and yet you can still be kind to yourself. Think of it as you would cheer someone on that's very high up in your team. So if you're a CEO or leading a team or business, and you have someone that's just below in your team and you want them to do a great job now, you probably still will give them guidelines and directions and encourage them, but you will also acknowledge the progress they've made. You will also be rewarding when they do something well, and you also speak to them nicely. And you will probably see that they still deliver great results, that they don't start to slack because you tell them they did a great job. It works the other way. You feel encouraged when you're told you're doing something well. You also want some level of honesty if things aren't going well. But you don't have to be mean to yourself. You can just note, appreciate, put a plan in place to change, move on, you don't have to bicker and be mean, et cetera, et cetera. So self compassion is this ability to be kind to yourself, to change the way in which you talk to yourself, and to accept that we're all flawed, none of us are perfect, and that we're all work in improvement, work in progress, and everything that you do can support you to improve and be better. And yes, just be nice, listen to how you speak to yourself. You can write it down or journal if this helps you to be more aware of it. You can talk to a friend and notice sometimes I say things out loud when I'm talking to my partner and I say things like I don't deserve it. And I realize in those moments that I don't have self compassion. And so I shift it, I think, well, how could I believe I do deserve it? What would I need to think or do to think that way? And just encouraging myself to have a more compassionate approach, in the way I lead my business, in the way I lead myself in my everyday practices and habits and exercise routines and meditation and being in tune and aligned with what matters to me, what makes a difference for people around me in my life. And yes, being nice, being kind, it doesn't work otherwise. And it's not worth the struggle. And you won't improve by just being mean to yourself. So every time you catch yourself being unkind, being mean again, don't judge that's. Just being mean twice, just notice and then think, okay, how can I think differently about this? How else can I talk to myself? What can I say instead? This is absolutely essential. Self compassion is so important. It doesn't mean being complacent. It's very, very different. And you can use the word self kindness, self love, if you wish, self compassion, whatever term you want to use. But it's essentially treating yourself as your best friend. And you can do this. We can all do this. So I hope you found today's episode, I hope it encourages you to think differently and to be more kind to yourself, and I hope you found it useful. Thank you so much for tuning in today. And if you haven't done yet, please take one moment just to write a brief review on Apple podcasts or Spotify. It means the absolute, absolute world to me, and it also helps other people to find the show. So thank you once more and wishing you a wonderful day.
[11:24] Thank you so much for tuning in today to the Focus Bees show. I would absolutely love to hear your feedback. So let me know in an Apple review or YouTube comment what was most valuable for you, and feel free to share this episode with a friend or a family member. Wishing you a wonderful, magical and focused day ahead.