[00:00] Katie: Welcome back to the Focus B show. This is Katie Suddar here aka the focus b. And on this show, I interview high performers and leaders around the world to discover their secrets on peak performance, productivity, mindfulness, and leadership. So if you want to take your performance and your leadership to the next level, then you're in the right place. Listen up and connect with the magic.
[00:37] Katie: Welcome to a new episode of the Focus Beast show. I'm absolutely thrilled to have Francoise Pondi on the show today. Francois and I met years ago while we were doing our coaching training. Francoise used to work as an air hostess and is now a well being coach. Hello, Francois. Lovely to see you today. Lovely to have you on the show.
[01:02] Francoise: Lovely. Thank you so much for having me. A pleasure to be here. I've seen so many. I think you celebrated your hundreds episode.
[01:11] Katie: Yes. So you passed the 100th episode. I know.
[01:14] Francoise: A shame I'm not right on the spot.
[01:18] Katie: Well, it's so, so great to have you here, and there's so many interesting topics to cover. But first, I'd love to start with your own journey. I remember when we met a few years ago, you told me all about being an air hostess, which I found fascinating. And I'd love for the audience to hear how you went from being an air host to a well being coach.
[01:39] Francoise: Lovely. Thank you. I lived in France. I was dedicated in France until the age of 19 and then moved to the UK. And I was really fortunate to land a job as an air hostess with Japan Airlines, as you know. And the first three years were absolutely phenomenal. So it was very much glitz and glamour and traveling around the world five star hotels. But it's a job that's also really physically demanding and also quite lonely. So you're staying in hotels for longer periods of time. And also the jet lag really kicked in, so where you have different time zones. So Japan was like our second base. And so to compensate for that loneliness, I actually developed an addiction to fitness, which ultimately could seem healthy, but it became very much an obsession, and as a result of that, lost a lot of weight, and then it just really spiraled out of control from there. So suffering from chronic insomnia, my reproductive system shut down. So physically and mentally in a really bad place. And it was a call to the NHS, because, of course, back then, this was in the 1990s, we didn't have all of these wonderful resources, and this person really saved my life. And it was the first time that someone actually listened. And this, for me, is a really important takeaway. So the art of listening, and particularly as coaches and to meet people in their reality, and so was ordered to not go to work the next day, go straight to the doctors. And then I was put on a large dose of medication because my reproductive system had shut down. So it was HRT, antidepressants and so on. So by the age of 23, I had this huge pack of medication and was just really conscious that I needed to shift and to look at transitioning to more natural therapies. And although I'm not advocating that you should not take conventional medicine, and it was very much in line with the doctor's, how do you say, advice? The antidepressants, of course, then meant that I was able to sleep a lot better. So having suffered from chronic insomnia, I've changed jobs and started focusing on my nutrition. And within two years, I was back to healthy weight and my reproductive system had kicked back in and in a much better place, and so became fascinated with the element of nutrition and how it can impact our health. So studied biomedicine and nutrition, but I knew I didn't want to be a nutritionist because I find it too prescriptive and always very much a well being advocate. And still back then this was 20 years ago now, no one really was brought into the ideal, paid attention to the notion of well being, and then in 2014 came across coaching. And so I was really fortunate that Network Rail funded my qualification, which is a master's level in executive coaching and mentoring. And I knew then that whilst I very much enjoyed coaching executives and leaders, that's not where my passion was. And that's when I came to blend both of my passions, well being, coaching. And so I'm very fortunate that I get to do some internal coaching at Network Rail. And then my mindful cards was born out of, I suppose you could say, a culmination of all my experiences. My children have very much been an inspiration. And my work now is very much centered around self awareness, because whilst and mental health and physical health are very much intertwined, they very much go hand in hand, but you have to have that self awareness in order to be able to address all aspects of well being. And so that's where my work is. So starting with children, because I feel that from a very young age, we're kind of modeled into conforming and limitations and some restrictions. So it's about being able to teach them language of self awareness, and the same with adults. And that's what we do in coaching through the exploration piece, and particularly important for leaders. So where the more self awareness you have, the more awareness you have about others, and the better you can serve others as well. So in terms of meeting people and that's where it all started, really, for me, is where I had someone meet me in my own reality. And I've been doing a lot of work lately. Well, a lot of research around triggers the way in which so our behaviors and actions are very much driven from our emotions and the narrative that we have from past experiences and all the way to childhood. And being able to be aware of those behaviors, I think, for leaders is so key, so essentially being proactive rather than reactive.
[07:25] Katie: Yes. I think the whole aspect around triggers and around what you're saying, around the self awareness is so, so important. I still remember during the coaching degree when the instructor, it was Chris Roberts, I think he said the goal as coaches is not for our clients to reach their goal. And I remember just being totally shocked what? We're not there to help them reach their goal. And he said, your goal as a coach is to increase their self awareness. And I remember I was literally like totally blown away by this. I thought, really, that's why they pay it. And of course we do want them to reach their goals and we help them with all of that. But what they really get, where the magic really is, where the transformation really happens is through this increase of self awareness.
[08:11] Francoise: Absolutely. And giving them the tools to do so as well. So where not only is there that piece of self exploration, but then beyond that, so it can be sustainable and then they can develop themselves further and I suppose grow more and more confidence. But that's where courage is necessary as well, particularly with others. And something. For example, if as a leader, you see someone on their phones at their desk and you feel that this is, I suppose, where they're not supposed to do that, and ultimately, an insult to them as a leader is rather than telling them what they should do or shouldn't do, is actually meeting them where they're at and looking at why that person is doing this and being able to have that two way conversation. And I think we're not having enough of those conversations which are going to be so needed now more than ever. Because everyone, I think everyone, has had an opportunity to realize their unique needs as part of everything that's happened. Whereas before we tended to be in this autopilot which know from school and here in the UK in a uniform and it's a bit like being on a conveyor belt, isn't it? And get a job and pay your mortgage, give some of that to the bank and then pay your pension, retire and die because there's so much fear right where it's very hard to get off that conveyor belt. And that's why even as a business owner, if you decide that you're wanting to come off of that kind of what is seen as a societal norm, this is why it can be hard for others to support you because they fear not that they think that you're not capable, but fear know it's the unknown isn't. Yeah, I think when it comes to well being and particularly tapping into emotional awareness, that can be a really vulnerable place to be in. But I think Brene Brown is an amazing author, isn't she? And talks all about it's in a much more prosaic way and having done all of her research. But for me this year needs to be all about compassion. And I feel that's coming because I think people have been touched in ways that they've never before.
[11:00] Katie: I loved what you said earlier about the conveyor belt. It made me realize what it is that I love so much about entrepreneurship, business owners is because they've had the courage and the guts to leave the autopilot, the default, the conveyor belt and do their own thing. And this is really what I love in general about being an entrepreneur or coaching entrepreneurs or business owners is this courage, this creativity, this leap of faith into the unknown. So that was a really nice metaphor. I really like that. I want to come back to what you were saying right now around compassion. I know that a lot of the work you do is to help people to self regulate, to manage their emotions. What sort of tools could you give maybe now to the audience that could help them to manage their emotions and self regulate?
[11:51] Francoise: I think one of the issues is that we're stuck in the doing and what I often see people do is to just not take that pause. So mindfulness is really just such a wonderful tool and I think there's a misunderstanding around what that is. And similarly to meditation, so where we think that we have to put some incense on and start chanting and that we're going to transcend into the universe when it's literally just to be able to be in the being, to just be and to be able to pause. And so what's really important as well is to start small. The mind is like a muscle, isn't it? So it's going to be very strange at first to try practicing, just being in a moment and just focusing on one thing because the mind of course, I think we have 60,000 thoughts a day and all the emotions that come with that. But I'd invite anyone to just if it's something you don't do already, even if it's just one miss 1 minute, just timing yourself and perhaps focusing on the breath or just to be able to just be without doing anything. And we've got so many distractions now. I mean the world is just when you're actually able to look within at the life that so many of us are leading with emails, apps and personal phone and work phone and desktop and especially now that we're working so much more virtually and the addictive nature of all of that as well. So I would invite anyone the best place to go is in nature. It really is because it can really awaken your senses. So even if it is just I ran a well being workshop and I've just got this picture of someone laying in the grass and it's like, have you ever laid in the grass?
[14:18] Katie: It's amazing.
[14:22] Francoise: It's just so simple. It's like, oh, yeah, just the touch of the grass and you can have the smells and you might hear the birds. And just to be in what can meet the essence of what it means to be a human being. Really?
[14:43] Katie: Yes. I think that what happens is a lot of the time we feel we're very connected, as in we're socially connected or we're online connected or we're social media connected, but we're not really connected with the planet nature, the birds, outside water, grass, forests. And the connection that we now have is totally artificial, because if we think back to human nature, obviously there were no such things as computers or TVs or phones. I mean, this is even in my day, in my day, I feel anxious already. There weren't any smartphones, but they didn't have internet anyway. But we know this, but we don't often reflect upon this. So we know that these are all artificial things, yet they give us this sense of addiction and connection and sort of stimulate us, I suppose, in many ways. And so it's easy to forget that real connection is, first of all, face to face with real people, but also in nature and all the other aspects that you also explained lying in the grass or go for a swim in the sea and all these things sound so cheesy in a way or so obvious. But the thing is, people forget. And how often do you get locked into your office and then in your house? All the time, and always online, and you're not connecting with nature. And then people burn out or get depressed and it's not really a surprise. Add to that lack of sleep, poor nutrition, toxic relationships.
[16:20] Francoise: Absolutely. And it's being able to take that pause, but also really importantly, understanding your unique needs. And I think that's where the challenge is as well, is that whilst it's such a different world when it comes to well being, to what it used to be, 20 well, even up to five years ago, to be honest. But there's information overload and so much confusion, and you see it with food as well in terms of labeling and what you should eat, what you shouldn't eat. But everyone is very unique in terms of what it is that they need. And again, that's where the coaching element is so important, and that exploration. And only you know best what it is that you need and also having that support mechanism. So where we have such an expectation nowadays of either instant gratification or instant results. But we are part of nature, and just like nature has to adapt, you weren't born overnight. Any changes that you make will build over time. And that's why starting small is so important. And then you build from there and then it's a ripple effect which is really magical as well, is where for me, it started with nutrition. Well, actually, it started originally with conventional medicine, but then in terms of seeking more, I suppose, what the body truly needed. And then, of course, that then has an off effect on your sleep. And then you have more energy because you have more energy, you feel more positive because you fall more positive, get more exercise and so on. Never underestimate the benefit of even just one small change.
[18:37] Katie: Yes, I'm pausing, I'm absorbing everything you said. I love the analogy, metaphor analogy, I think is the correct word with nature. So how things don't happen overnight. Because one of the many downfalls of technology, there are positives, like us having this conversation, but one of the downfalls is that it has made us as humans quite impatient because there are things that are instantaneous. You download that app, takes 2 seconds. You quickly check this up in Google, takes 2 seconds. So we have gotten used to seeing, in some ways, instant results, having that instant gratification dopamine fix. And it does mean that real transformation, for real things that matter, whether it's transforming your health or your relationship or your business to the next level, that takes time. And this is something I'm constantly reminding myself of as I'm fairly impatient in terms of results. And it's true, it takes time and it's a process and it can't be forced. It's not like when you talk about you change your health, your body had to re sort of change everything through your nutrition, through the sleeper. It can't just happen overnight. So I think it's also a great reminder that well being is a journey and a process and you don't get the results instantly.
[20:02] Francoise: Yeah, and trying to remove the I have to by I want to. So that's where what's the vision and as a coach, what it is that you're wanting to achieve? Because also we can be driven into making some changes through pure pressure. So things like losing weight, for example. Yeah, it's complex, I think, for everyone. But if you have someone who can help you tease out what is needed for yourself, then yeah, that's where tree transformation happens.
[20:46] Katie: So great. I mean, I just love coaching. I always have a coach. I'm always coaching. I think ever since I discovered coaching, we were together during the coaching journey at the weekend. It's really magical. And I think part of the elements is what you're saying, that it helps you to see more clearly what's inside you when you're being coached. But it's also just in general shifts of perspectives, just that one question, that one word, that one pattern. When your coach says, you've repeated this six times and you think, have I really? That's why it's so great to be coached as a coach, as you know, because you realize all the more how powerful it is. Just simple things like the realization of, like I said, patterns, common words, that question. And then everything can shift. Literally one question. You can still be thinking about it two years later and thinking, wow, that question changed my life.
[21:41] Francoise: Absolutely. Well, I have them myself where one coach said to me, what's your limits? And I was like, oh, my gosh, yes. Why didn't ask myself that? And when you can see it as well, and when they go, oh, that's a really good question.
[22:06] Katie: And you can tell there's this just.
[22:07] Francoise: Kind of like, limitless findings and space and opportunity for change and growth. It is really magical. And I love how it's uniqueness as well with every single person, but yeah, absolutely.
[22:32] Katie: Sure. I'm not feeling too guilty about promoting how great coaching is because even though I've done 100 episodes, I think I've only mentioned coaching, or even though I've interviewed a lot of coaches, I think actual coaching and how great it is has only come up in maybe one or two episodes. I'm like, I could do a whole episode on how great coaching. I don't talk about it that much.
[22:54] Francoise: But I feel it's like the key to unlocking the, I suppose, well being potential. And it is also for people to acquire the coaching skills because those two way conversations, and particularly when it comes to leaders, is to be able to be coach like. So it's incredibly important.
[23:24] Katie: I think the more you coach, the more you develop the ability to coach. Because you start to hear these powerful questions, think, wow, that really made an impact on me. So then you're more likely as a leader, when you're talking with your team, to think, Wait, instead of giving them another piece of advice on how they should do their work, why don't I ask them that great question my coach asked me last week on whatever it is? And so I feel that it's definitely something you can learn. And also, I think as a coach, you probably do this. Although it is amazing to have an external coach, I think we all have moments where we self coach. Like, I write them in my diary. I literally sometimes write, what are you trying to achieve right now? What are the benefits of getting this? Where are you getting stuck? Literally, I write it down. Of course, it's always better to have a coach because they'll help you to see more things. But sometimes just that ability to be able to self coach a bit is also powerful.
[24:16] Francoise: Yeah, absolutely. These are my mindful cars. But you have questions. What makes you unique? What are you really good at? What one achievement are you most proud of? And really be able to it's tapping into inner wisdom, isn't it? And also being able, because we're self critical, to be able to recognize all of your achievements and things. As I always say, you've overcome 100% of all the challenges you've come across. And I think we don't do that enough. But it also makes me think sometimes how as coaches we often take not often, but you know, where sometimes you think yeah, I should take my own advice. Definitely. And I suppose it all comes down to the self love piece and what that means which is ultimately self acceptance and that comes with all comes down to self acceptance. Yeah, absolutely. I'd say in the past two years, that's been my biggest finding, is to be comfortable with what is so where I think we have a tendency where if we feel stressed and anxious or fearful, where we don't want to accept it and we try to push it away, but actually lean into it and knowing that it is a narrative, that it's something that's because you're not a tiger that's going to leap out of the screen and eat me alive. So is being able to tap into that. And this not only in coaching, but I think therapy as well can be really beneficial. And where we all have some past trauma, there's a misconception around trauma and where we might think that it needs to be something really horrific. But actually, it's all the stories that we make up as part of making sense of the world in our childhood and beyond that. And I've been doing it's called EMDR therapy. And it's been fascinating because you kind of think, oh, no, I put that to bed. I'm okay with that. I forgive in that person. I understand what's happened there and actually you realize and that's where the inner critic comes in which you see reappear well, very often mainly to protect you. It's not there to harm you but it is fascinating once you delve into just all things emotions.
[27:32] Katie: It'S interesting how we tell ourselves stories and the role of them is to protect us and they end up damaging us. I mean it's so hilarious how many mechanisms we have technically in the human body, a human mind that are for our defense like staying in our comfort zone, right? So we stay in our comfort zone because that protects us, we're comfortable, we're safe but if you stay in your comfort zone you can get depressed, unhappy, unfulfilled. So it's just so hilarious how we have to counter so many of natural biological sort of forces because actually that leads us be fulfilled because basically we're out of date. I mean, if you really think about it, the way our body functions isn't at all like adapted to nowadays but we're getting there, I suppose, through things like mindfulness and coaching and reflection and.
[28:22] Francoise: I think there is a strong desire to truly feel alive. Now, where there's been I don't want to say awakening because I think it can have a bad I don't mean like but I feel that people have developed this desire where before they didn't have the space to think about anything else that they might have needed or wanted. And it's no surprise that people have moved closer to nature, including ourselves. Yeah, no, it's good. I think it's going to be a very interesting journey going forward. And again, that's where therapists, coaches and people who are genuinely wanting to serve others will really have their place.
[29:22] Katie: For sure. I mean, the whole situation has been such a paradigm shift and it has helped, I think many people break that autopilot and that conveyor belt as we were talking before and suddenly it being broken and not doing the same thing as usual has helped people to reflect and think, wait, what do I really want in life? Where am I going? Do I want to live closer to nature? And I think from that perspective, it has definitely helped provide an awakening, if we want to call it that, or greater awareness, at least on so many different levels.
[29:53] Francoise: Absolutely. And the concept that anything is possible, which before never didn't really exist really in our reality. And so, yeah, if nothing is impossible, then what else is possible? And having that stepping off the conveyor belt and being able to look in and noticing that actually you have been able to adapt and that it is possible for you to live completely differently. And the interesting thing as well, and that's where there's been such a huge shift is that before there were people like me who were well boo and really advocating this with only a minority of people actually paying attention because they were stuck. And now as a collective around the world, we've been able to experience that anything is possible and to feel well, because some people will have experienced it completely differently as well. So it's not undermining that some people, of course, will have suffered greatly, but it is that recognition that life is fragile as well, and precious. Yeah.
[31:29] Katie: That helps us to feel more connected, I think, anyway. Prosperous. I can't believe we've already arrived at 30 minutes. Can you believe how quickly that goes? What do you want to leave the audience with? What is the last note you'd like to leave her with for today?
[31:43] Francoise: What last note? I think coming back to start small and just being able to spend a little time with yourself and even it's things like journaling can be really useful as well. So if you find yourself really a lot of negativity and a lot of thoughts, journaling can be really useful. Mindfulness spending time in nature, but without any distractions, even for just 1 minute a day and making sure that you plug it into your diary as well. Because we sometimes have the best of intentions and if we don't create the right environment, then, yeah, we need to.
[32:30] Katie: Actually block them in block in the time.
[32:33] Francoise: The rest that 1 minute out of.
[32:37] Katie: I'd say half an hour. But it's true, start small, start small. Anyway, thank you so much Francois, for being on the show. It has been such a great conversation. Thank you so much.
[32:47] Francoise: Thank you, Katie. Take care.
[32:54] Katie: Thank you so much for tuning in today to the Focus Bees show. I would absolutely love to hear your feedback, so let me know in an Apple review or YouTube comment what was most valuable for you, and feel free to share this episode with a friend or a family member. Wishing you a wonderful, magical and focused day ahead. Sam.