Hi, floppers. Before we start this episode, I just wanted to remind you we are in the middle of Flop TV Season 2. That's right. The one-hour internet televised Flophouse TV show is here for you the first Saturday of every month. through February, just go to theflophouse.simpletix.com and get your tickets or season pass for this all-new Flophouse TV stuff. We're covering movies we've never covered before. We've got video segments. It's...
Just go to theflophouse.simpletix.com for Flop TV Season 2. This time, it's personal. Hey there! Flopsters, this is the Flop House Podcast, and I am your Flopster-in-Chief, Stuart Wellington. Gave himself a title. Yep. It's important that I get myself a new title. I remember voting stored in as Flopster in Chief. Yeah, so this is a Flop House mini. Now, normally on our other weeks, we do full episodes where we watch a bad movie and talk about it.
On these weeks, the other weeks, we do a thing called a Flophouse Mini where we talk for about as much time but with no particular direction. Today, guys— Sounds great. I love no particular direction. Why don't I introduce you guys? You guys are going to be helping me out today. I'm going to be working through some stuff. Again, I'm Stuart Wellington, and I'm joined by my regular co-host. Why don't you introduce yourselves? I'm Dan McCoy. I'm going to be helping Stuart out today.
I'm going to be Elliot Kalin, and I'm going to be helping out Dan, helping out Stuart today. Because that's the thing. I know that Elliot has some very important family business that he should probably be spending time with, maybe watching his children grow up or something like that. Dan has like four movies to watch at once. Just on screens orthogonally around me. Yeah, placed in different places while you spin around in a desk chair. Yeah, Dan goes, give me the Epcot.
World country scenario. And it's just all around him. You know, 360 degrees. That's what I crave. Stimulus. Constant, overwhelming stimulus. Yeah, you can't get it. That's the name of the pornography magazine that you subscribe to. constant overwhelming stimulus. Uh-huh, yeah, yeah. I mean, I do crave stimulus, but I usually like to take one thing. Yeah, constant singular stimulus. Yeah. Okay. Constant stimulus. stimulus is all Dan needs. Yeah.
So, yeah. That was from Katie Lang, Kirk, Dan, McCoy Lang. Oh, that actually makes a lot of sense. So I hope you're picturing Dan as this like mojo type character spinning around with his little crab legs watching as many screens as possible. Yeah. He's one of the spineless ones. Minor Domo? I'll be Major Domo.
But Minor Domo is the fast-talking one, right? Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah, I think you're right. And I'd be, what, Shatterstar? I think you're one of the ex-babies. You're maybe the little baby Wolverine. Oh, my God. You gave me points. Yeah, that's amazing. Pride of Place, yeah. Okay, so guys, as I mentioned before, I alluded. Kitty, Pride of Place. Continue. Guys. Oh, man. Damn disturbed, salivating. Damn start. Teenager, Stuart. She's not a teenager anymore.
more dan she's a grown-up pirate come on she's not a pirate anymore she's a grown-up in the comics now yeah at the time you were a teenager so it's fine right is that locked it yeah sure my vision of kitty pride is locked into the time that i was the same age it's exactly like how i could have
a crush at the time on Natalie Portman in The Professional because I was also 12 years old. Now I cannot. I don't want to have a crush on Natalie Portman in The Professional and I don't have one anymore. More of a Black Swan Natalie Portman, right? Yeah, for sure. Of course, she's a ballerina. I don't know. She seems like she's got issues. She's got an overbearing mother who, of course, would become my mother-in-law. I could fix her. She thinks she's turning into a bird. Hubba hubba.
Guys, as I alluded to before, you got to help me out. There's no structure. I just got a new job. A man with way too many jobs already. You already have too many jobs. I just got a new job. I got hired by Universal Studios. What? Wow. Because Universal Studios needed. Wow. Yep. Needed somebody to do some like testing, some audience testing. Okay. And hired me to interview some movie experts so that they can start working on.
That's right. The return of the dark universe. Oh boy. So exciting. With hit movies like Nosferatu and the upcoming Wolfman. And did I hear rumblings of a Guillermo del Toro Frankenstein movie? the universal monsters are back baby. And so I think it's a perfect time for us to start talking about, let's make more of these movies. Okay. So. I'm not against it. I love those characters, sure. If you're unfamiliar with the Dark University or listeners, just, I don't know, Google it.
People – you'll see some pretty funny pictures. I'll mention, Stuart. I'll help you with this one. The Dark Universe was an interconnected series of movies that didn't – They released one of them, The Mummy, and they did a photo shoot of the stars of the upcoming films. And then when The Mummy didn't do that well, they canceled all the other movies. So Angelina Jolie is the Bride of Frankenstein, not happening. Johnny Depp is the Invisible Man, not happening. But they built it up.
They had a whole logo for it. This was going to be the next big interconnected movie universe. I also think there was a Dracula one before that. That was like sort of a soft launch. For the Dark Universe. And when that failed, they're like, no, no, no. The Mummy, that's the real launch of the Dark Universe. I think that's – so that was Dracula Untold, I believe. Yeah. Featured on this podcast. I don't know if it's officially Dark Universe canon.
I think they were trying, but I don't know if it has a dark universe logo on it. I think they were like dipping a toe in and they're like, that didn't work. They're like, no, no, no, no, no. Forget that. This is the dark universe. Here. Look over here. Come on. Dracula, no way. It's the mummy.
Come on. We're going to talk about some of these universal monsters. We're going to talk about some of the movies that they're in and what we're looking for, what you guys would look for in one of these movies. And then after a little bit of a break, we'll come back and talk. crossover opportunities, and merchandise opportunities. That's what I need from you today. So let's start talking about who are we talking about? Let's do a little roll call here. Monster roll call. CamBot. Yep.
Dracula. Tom Servo. Are we allowed to do that or are we going to get sued, Elliot? I'll talk to Joel about it. Okay, so we got Dracula. Okay, vampires. You got the Wolfman, so werewolves. Werewolves, yeah. Frankenstein. Frankenstein's, which are Frankenstein's monsters. Archie. Archie is knocking shit off the... Dan said that as if Archie was one of the universal monsters, like Archie Andrews, America's oldest teenager.
Archie is Dan's cat who has been knocking things off the shelf behind us. We have a gill man. You might know him as a Black Lagoon, creature of. Creature from the... Yep, thank you. Invisible Man. Ralph Ellison's haunting novel about race in the United States. That's what we're talking about. And Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde's. Hyde's? Now, is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde really-
I don't know if I would officially call that a universal monster character. Well, here's the thing. In the dark universe, he's in it. I believe – Didn't they – I know that they did – I know that Universal did a version of Phantom of the Opera that is considered – That was kind of backed into the Universal monsters. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
But I'll allow it. I'll allow it. They're all – except for the creature from the Black Lagoon and the Wolfman, which is at least based on maybe folklore, they are essentially the great monsters of – certain strain of gothic literature or science fiction literature that have been adapted into this shared world between them. Yeah. So the first one we're going to start with is Dracula's. That's a vampire.
There's a hot new movie in the theaters right now, Nosferatu, a movie I have not seen, although I've heard that the vampire has a mustache and a dong. He has a big mustache and in one scene he does have a dong. I mean in two scenes he has a dong. One you see it and one he uses it. And he is essentially Dracula in that this was a total ripoff to avoid copyright on Dracula.
Nathferatu, the original, almost flirted with. The judge said that all the copies had to be destroyed, but it survived because people had taken copies. Yes, this is a remake of a ripoff of Dracula. Cool, cool, cool, cool. So let's talk vampire movies, dudes. Do you have any favorite vampire movies out there? I mean, this is a big one. I feel like there's a ton of vampire movies out there.
So what are some of your faves? Like a Near Dark, a Lost Boys? I mean, Dan, you go first. Well, not so much Lost Boys. Near Dark, yes. Fright Night, I like. Fright Night's good. I got to say that the vampire has never been a monster that spoke to me as much as the others. But what do you have, Elliot? I've got to say, also, I mean, I'm a big fan of the movie Martin, the George M. Rowe movie about a young man who thinks he's a vampire.
I'm a big fan of the – Bill Lugosi's performance as Dracula even though the original Dracula is a little slow. The Spanish-language 30s Dracula is a really fun movie even though that Dracula – the actor is not as good as Bill Lugosi.
Interview with a Vampire, when I finally saw it, I really liked that movie in a lot of ways. So there's a lot of good vampire movies out there. What about the Larry Fessenden Habit? Did you ever see that one? You know what? I've never seen Habit. It's a good New York movie. I think you'd dig it. Grace Jones in Vamp. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. Ganja and Hess, which is a good vampire movie. It's more of a kind of artsy vampire movie. There's a...
There was another one that was on the tip of my tongue and I'm forgetting it. And there's the 70s Nosferatu. Kronos? What about Kronos? Kronos is really good. Alternative kind of vampire movie. A little twist on a take. So we talked about a lot of vampire movies that we like. When making a vampire movie, what scenes do we need in it? When you're watching a vampire movie, what's a thing you expect to see?
I think that the vampires, unless you're talking like a 30 Days of Night style, more sort of feral vampire, the vampires. Like Will Ferrell, yeah. Yeah. Vampires a lot. Friendlier. monster in that, you know, he has to be invited into your home, but often he'll invite you into his home and, you know, have a meal with you or entertain you. He's one of the few monsters. He plays with his food.
It's one of the few – he does play this movie. He's one of the few monsters who has manners and wears nice clothes often, not always. I think the thing that is more important to me than anything else in a vampire movie is a sense of creeping dread. of some kind, the idea that there is an ominous quality to the character that gets worse and worse as the other characters are drawn closer and closer to them. I feel like that's something that Near Dark does really well.
Even though you know these are vampires from pretty early, there's this feeling that like it's going to get worse and worse and the atmosphere is going to get darker and scarier and creepier, you know. And I think there also has to be some level of appeal. Yes. Like I feel like that's part of vampires. They're the opposite of werewolves where with werewolves, it is just an out-and-out curse. There's nothing really particularly good about it. It is not a power fantasy. It's entirely a –
A terror of, oh my god, if this happened to me, I would lose control of myself and become a monster. I couldn't be trusted. Whereas with vampires, there's a temptation and a seduction aspect to it. You know, oh, maybe I would want to live forever. Maybe I would want to live off the blood of others. There's a certain sex.
this to it, which I think goes hand in hand with that kind of like manners, clothes, suaveness. Even the vampires in Near Dark, there's something seductive about like they're part of this traveling family that doesn't play by the normal rules. Whereas a werewolf forces you to become an outcast, a vampire allows you to live outside of normal society in a freer way. Although, keeping in mind, you can never go outside during the day, which is a big limitation. That's a big limitation. Yeah.
That's all fair. Now, some other things like do you need to have a scene of, you know, somebody transforming into a vampire? Do you need bats and werewolves or like bats and wolves? Do you need mist? I mean, I don't know. I kind of like a vampire that just looks like a vampire all the time. Unless it's like... I mean, I guess this actually does include – Are you talking about David Boreanaz's angel? No, he does. No, he actively changes, Stuart. And when you say a transformation, do you mean –
The vampire changes from human to monster or you mean a person transforming into a vampire? Like becoming one for the first time. Yeah, yeah, that's what you're talking about. Yeah, you got to have that. Yeah, you got to have that.
You got to have someone making the choice or being confronted with it or forced to do it and having to try to get out of it. In some ways, that's one of the – I mean when you see the new Nosferatu, you see that in the new Nosferatu, there's like less of a sense in my mind. Nosferatu. What? News for Atu? Anyway, coming up on News for Atu, the vampire stories you need to know. My name's Atu. Here it is. News for Atu, news for you and news for Atu.
It's news for IU. And I think that there's less of a feeling of a character being...
seduced to the dark side because the character already has a dark side to them and also Nosferatu, the character, is such a grotesque creep. It feels very little like there's a like, oh, who's this guy? Who's the new guy in town? I know that his land deal... is a sham, a cover for other stuff in Nosferatu, but I did find it very funny that Nicholas Holt's Jonathan-esque character, I don't know what he's called in Nosferatu, is like, they're like...
Taking it face value, you're like, oh, yeah, this guy wants to buy a house in London. This feral rat man is really interested in. The other thing is, and Stuart, this will be spoiling a little bit for you, is that Nostar is basically. gets Holt like
Gets him drunk or high. He's in a daze and he gives him a contract written in a language he doesn't understand and has him sign it kind of in a haze. And then later Nosferatu says to his wife like, well, he signed you away to me. He signs the contract. And I feel like all she has to say is like.
Bullshit, he didn't know what that contract said. That's not going to hold up in a court of law. It seemed like one of the few vampire movies where they could probably get out of it by suing him as opposed to destroying him. But anyway, I think you do want those things. You want to see someone.
You want to see a person confronted with a vampire and being tempted to join them or joining them. Okay. And let's keep this quick. Let's like just fire it right off the top of your dome. How do we make a vampire movie fresh? Because there's been. A bunch of them. There has been. Space? Put vampire in space? There are space vampire movies. Life Force is a space vampire movie. That's true. It's a planet of the vampires. Yeah. Yeah.
I think there was a really scary episode of Buck Rogers with a vampire in space. Oh, awesome. Yeah. More like suck Rogers. Cause he's sucking blood out of people. Yeah. I'd love to see that. How do you make it fresh? Here's the thing I would. So. A lot of these monsters work best when they are metaphors for a thing, for something that is on the minds of the people. There's a movie called The Monster Show, I think it is. The Monster Show, The Harsh, by –
Is it Richard Skull? Where it's talking about how so many of these monster movies from the 30s, he sees as people dealing with the trauma of World War I and the new knowledge of how a body can be destroyed. What can happen to a body and the damage you can do to it. And I feel like- With vampires, there is some way to make it a metaphor for the 1% income inequality, something like that. There's this class that is literally preying on.
normal people and in a way that they're not always aware of. But I don't know – but that's a theme. I don't know exactly how to do it in a story. No, that's good though because I was thinking along those same lines and what I was thinking about was like, oh, you know, often – They use it as a metaphor for disease spreading and, you know, certainly coming off of COVID. And like that reminded me of one of my problems with the new Nosferatu where it seemed to boil down to like.
Forget this science. Listen to my crazed ravings about the supernatural. You've got to do it this way. Well, that's the issue with a lot of these movies. It reminds me of that first Godzilla vs. Kong, I think it was, where it was like...
Every scientist knows the earth is not hollow except this one scientist, and he's right. So we should always listen to the outsider who doesn't agree with the scientific consensus. That's what you're telling me. Okay. Yeah, but I think that's one way to do it. Yeah, make it about something. Okay, so let's move on to our next movie monster. That's the Wolfman, a werewolf. There's been a couple of these movies. Are there any ones that are particular favorites of you? I have a higher...
Yes, I think there's more in the wolf zone that I like. I really like American Werewolf in London. Yep. I like The Howling. Hell yeah. Dog Soldiers is pretty good. Dog Soldiers is good, yeah. Even a dumb werewolf movie I'll enjoy. I saw... There was like a Terror Tuesday of Silver Bullet. Yeah, that was pretty fun. What about Wolf? I've never seen Albert Finney in Wolf. Wait, no, no. Jack Nicholson.
Yeah, Jack Nicholson. And Albert Finney is the detective in Wolfen, or I think he's the detective. He's trying to find the Wolfen, yeah. Okay, Wolf. Jack Nicholson isn't Wolf. It doesn't quite work. I saw it when I was young and I don't really remember it. And I still only remember the scene from the commercials where he's peeing on the floor in the bathroom.
Oh, yeah. There's a scene where he like somebody puts their hand on his shoulder and he like bites it really funny. I thought Wolf was funny because it was like it's not like publishing can't. can't be cutthroat, but it's not like the most cutthroat business. And it's like, you really need to exchange this wolf man. I think it shows you Mike Nichols' view of the publishing world. Oh, I think we also forgot probably my favorite werewolf movie.
ginger snaps. Oh yeah. I think that might be my favorite. Yeah. And that's, I mean, it obviously wears its metaphor on its sleeve or. Not really a pun. No, I guess you're right. Werewolves are famously sleeved. Puberty and sleeves. I feel like that's like one of the... I feel, yeah, like, I feel like Ginger Snaps talks about it in, like, as a puberty metaphor in a way that, yeah, but I mean, well, I guess you're right. I guess Teen Wolf did it first and better.
No, I'm not saying – I'm just saying that that's one way to go with it. I was a teenage werewolf did it before Teen Wolf too. Okay, I'll shut up. I'm just saying I feel like it felt pretty fresh and novel the way Ginger Snaps presented it. I will say that I think Ginger Snaps doing it as a – as a female puberty story as opposed to just a puberty story. But also that Ginger Steps does it better than Teen Wolf. Teen Wolf is not the best use of werewolf as puberty metaphor.
You know when you go through that change or something, you become great at basketball and you have to decide how to use your basketball powers? Say more on that. But so werewolves, werewolf movies, you're asking for what? How we make it fresh and fun?
Well, first off, I would say what kind of scenes do we need in a – what does a werewolf movie need? Here's where you need the transformation scene. You need the transformation scene. It's got to be big and scary. You got to have a scene where someone is telling someone else to – Barricade them somewhere or like they're begging for help. Don't let me out, that kind of thing.
You've got to have a scene where they're surfing on a van. That is a definite. You've got to have them light into a can and it sprays everywhere. A scene where the person who is afflicted with lycanthropy is underestimated. Because they are just a regular old human and the person doesn't realize, oh, no, this guy's going to turn into a wolf. I mean, speaking of jokes about specific movies, I wouldn't mind getting Griffin Dunn back in one. Come on. Yeah, get Griffin Dunn back in one.
Sure. He's still a working actor. Only murders in the building. Now let him play the werewolf. He's getting more wolf in looking. There could have been a wolf in the buildings. Yeah. Only werewolves in the building. Yeah, sure.
I mean that – to be honest, that is something that I would think would be a cool way to do a werewolf movie is to do it in more of an urban setting that way. You lose the spookiness of the woods, but if you got a werewolf loose in a high-rise apartment building, that's a little scary. And also like the idea of like the, the, your like primitive nature coming in conflict with the, you know, the more.
The more modern world. Yeah, modern and urban. Okay, so I guess that, would that cover our interesting take on the character? Maybe, and also he's probably going to be like a social media star.
People see like there's this werewolf and they're like, hey, man. Now he's an influencer, you know. I've actually seen a fair amount of like – Skinfluencer. Or that's based on that general topic that I've liked okay. Like it's not – like I'm not saying just because I hate it because like there have been movies. But I'm...
I'm like, that is like the first thing everyone suggests, I think. Yeah, I was once in a meeting with a company that was looking to find something new to do with Gumby. And they were like, we did have one idea we liked where Gumby is an influencer. And I was like, I don't know. I don't even understand that. Like, I don't even understand what that is. It influences people to go inside books and have adventures.
How about Gumby goes through a portal into the real world and transforms into a human? Into a human. He's got to find Art Clokey. Oh, Art Clokey died. Sorry. And his best friend's a horse, but when he comes to the real world, he's a person, you know, yeah. Okay, moving on. We're going to move on to our next character, and that is Frankenstein's monster. But I will also take ideas from Victor Frankenstein as well.
the doctor. Um, so, uh, are, are there Frankenstein movies that you like? Oh, Brian of Frankenstein, probably the most. And then also Frankenstein. Yeah. Those are, I mean, those are of the universal movies. Those are the ones that I think. Hold up the most genuinely best, those first two Frankensteins.
I mean, the Hammer Frankenstein movies, I like a bunch of those. Those got really weird as time went on where it was like Victor Frankenstein was just a – he was just a murderer. And he's just like taking brains out of one person and slapping them in another person. Oddly, considering who I am, I've never seen flesh.
for Frankenstein, so I can't speak on this topic. That is weird. That is weird considering who you are. Rocky Horror Picture Show is basically a Frankenstein story, but they don't really follow the same tropes since it becomes a space vampire story. Yeah. I remember I did see the Kenneth Branagh thing. I remember nothing about it. I remember – Eels. I remember eels. Who falls in the thing of eels? Is it –
John Cleese or Billy Connolly? Who's playing the guy who falls in the vat of eels? I don't remember. I don't remember either. Either of them would have been great. I feel like there's a, there's the Frankenstein is a little bit. Lisa Frankenstein, sorry. I like Lisa Frankenstein, yeah. Frankenstein's a little bit harder because you're dealing with a main character who is so much less expressive in many ways and so much less active.
Like the monster is not, is often in these stories is not the one doing a lot of the activity, but the one who is acted upon. I mean, there's always something like I, Frankenstein, which we saw for the podcast, right? Where Frankenstein's monster is like an action hero fighting demons or whatever.
But I feel like that's not the best use of him. Okay, interesting. Okay. I mean, I do think that if we're moving into. Maybe Mary Shelley, if she'd been awesome. She was a little more radical. If we're moving into ways that freshen.
I mean, like, I know that Branagh's version was closer to the book, but no one saw it or watched it. In some ways, it was closer to the book. I do think that there's still a lot of room in a... uh more uh more accurate i guess is the word i'm looking for but not exactly uh adaptation one that he was closer to the original vision of the monster where he's
not an inexpressive lug like yeah he learns to think and feel and like there is still juice to be gotten out of the horror of that character realizing like like well what am i what is life What is my life? I mean, that's kind of the Barbie movie in some ways, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot like that. The Frankenstein story in the show Penny Dreadful, I think, actually captures kind of what you're talking about pretty well. And it features Josh Hartnett.
Who, you know, and Eva Green. And that burden could be all about, you know, being mad at your dad. Yes. This is a theme that has lasted through the centuries. Yeah, I feel like if there's anything. Well, that's why my thing – I think we even go – to freshen it up, we go even further back, and it's called Oedipus Stein.
Oh, I thought you were going to go Frankenstein. Sure. And I was a teenage Frankenstein, yeah. But this is Oedipus Stein. Frankenstein's monster is so mad at his dad, Victor Frankenstein, that he falls in love with his dad. stepmom, I guess, you know? And if it was a modern sitcom, his dad would be a retired...
baby boomer who has a home and his millennial kids who also have kids have to move back in because their life choices have fucked them up financially. And one of them is Frankenstein. Yes, one of them is Frankenstein. Frankenstein has to move back in. with his parents because he can't afford a house. You're not my real brother. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Real spelled R-E-E-L. Okay. So we, I think we've talked a little bit about Frankenstein. Let's move on to another.
monster called gill man the creature from the black lagoon uh not not a super popular character in movies i'm sure there was some kind of retrospective on uh during when shape of water was uh This is the character that – this is an original Universal character. I mean Universal didn't invent it. Like the character was invented by human beings. But this is one that I think there's less of it because there's really just those first three movies.
And then there's the Gilman and Monster Squad. There's the Gilman and Shape of Water. And there's various kind of ultra-low budget ripoffs of like swamp monsters that are kind of reptilian or fish-like. You got Abe Sapien who's kind of a – Yeah, Abe Sapien. But there's not like a real rich kind of – unless you're going back to like mermen and mermaids. There's not really like a rich folklore to draw on for the gill man specifically.
Because unless I'm wrong and there's like a short story I don't know about, it's not. Based on his existing material. It's not based on some dude's encounter with a manatee or something. Yeah, but he fell in love with it. I think there's fewer tropes to rely on for the Creature from the Black.
lagoon also because by the third movie in that series they found lungs in him and they hook him he hook up his lungs so he lives on land and he hates it and he ends up going back in the ocean and drowning at the end because he's so sad like there's there's a There's less of a – the creature in Black Lagoon is – it follows the Frankenstein model a little bit in being an inexpressive monster that to a certain extent wants to be loved but doesn't know how to achieve that and runs afoul of human.
but also it's a monster that kidnaps people. But there's less of a – let's say it's not as psychologically rich a figure as, say, Dracula or Frankenstein's monster or the Wolfman. But I still love him. So how do we jazz him up? We've already had a Loverboy version. Yeah. Wait, what Loverboy version? Shape of Water. Okay, right, right, right. Did you not see that movie, Dan? No, I won an Academy Award. It was Best Picture.
Honestly, I zoned out. My brain went back to Frankenstein because I was distracted by a question I got about Flop TV that I shouldn't have looked at. I didn't want the Loverboy version of Frankenstein. Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's Loverboy. They cut out the scene at the beginning where they show Patrick Dempsey being made out of dead body parts before he gets a job as a pizza boy. Who brings pizza and more? Couldn't make that movie these days.
No, what do I – how would I jazz up a modern – Yeah, a gill man. What are you going to do? You're going to have to make him like a genetic creation of some kind? I think it's very unlikely you're going to find a hidden – A pollution creation?
Yeah, maybe pollution creation. Yeah, he's more of a Judd in that way. I mean, I hate to say it. So many of my ideas are going to go back to put this thing in an urban setting. You've got a guild man that's – or a guild – like the way dolphins will sometimes get lost in –
Like the Thames or something or the Gowanus Canal. Like what if the Gilman accidentally gets lost in a city and it's Gilman – it's Black – a creature from Black Moon 2 lost in New York. But now it's in the sewers or it's feeding off of the people in the – in the city or something like that. What if it's a sort of assault on a building sort of thing where the gill man is trying to...
He's breaking into an aquarium to free all of his friends and the humans get caught in the crossfire. Again, this is a different version of the Gill Man. He's got more thinking. There's the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen book that has a – like a Gilman swarm at the end. Basically there's like, it's like mating season and breeding season for the Gilman in South America. And there's something cool about that. Yeah, exactly. Oh, there's sort of like piranha Gilman. Yeah. It's the one where, um.
I'm trying to – it's one of the Nemo hardcovers that are about Captain Nemo's daughter. And it's the one where one of the villains is Dr. Goldfoot, the character from Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine. The Bikini Machine, yeah. Which I think is very funny. Okay, now let's move on to The Invisible Man. Now there was recently the director of The Wolfman just recently made an Invisible Man movie where we have a, spoiler alert, high-tech Invisible Man.
And we've had some other variations. Are there other... That was right before lockdown, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, that was the first movie I watched. I got a premium rental and watched it in my bar. Wow. Yeah, because, I mean, like, that movie did... Extremely well considering that basically everything shut down immediately thereafter. But there's been some other Invisible Man movies. Hollow Man. Yeah.
Memoirs of an Invisible Man. Yep. Are there others? I mean, there's the original one, obviously. The Invisible Man. There's that at the very end. There's the Invisible Kid. There's the Invisible Woman. Like they did a lot. The thing with the Invisible Man movies is that it started out as a universal horror thing and it slowly became kind of like a series of comedies and spy movies. Well, it became like often like.
a reason for like 80s sex comedies be like, this guy's invisible. He can walk anywhere. I mean, it was an invisible maniac, I believe. Yeah, it's true. I do recall a maniac. Let me look that up. That sounds pretty good. Is there... Is there any meat on this invisible man bone? Is there anything we can do with this? I mean considering he has to be naked, there's a lot of meat on that. Arguably, yeah. This is the thing that – so my kids for a while, the only –
universal horror movie that they weren't too scared to watch all the way through was the invisible man. And we watched it a bunch of times over and over. And they always thought it was very funny that he's just walking around naked the entire movie, like wherever he's going, he's just naked. You know? I mean, like the thing is like the,
Lee Winnell one, I liked so much. I thought that was really good. So it's hard for me to think of a fresh take. I mean, if you're going to metaphor again, I think the whole thing about The Invisible Man is it's about... consequences being removed and what that does to a person i mean and hollow man really took that far in a way that like a lot of people have problems with which i understand because it's unpleasant but i also i'm like i'm like
Yeah, I respect what this movie is doing as being like, this is how close society is to monstrosity. And like the Hollow Man is not the hero of the movie. Exactly, he's not. It holds a mirror up. And in that mirror you see nothing because he's invisible. In that mirror you see nothing. No signs of love beyond the years. Well, if something comes to you. No invisible men or vampires, they also don't reflect. It's true. You hold up that mirror.
And there's no monsters there. You don't know if it's because they're invisible or if there's actually no monsters there. Okay. This tune is not close enough to the Beatles for us to get in trouble. They can't, they can't attack us. We're going to jump onto our last monster. That's a Dr. Jekyll and a Mr. Hyde. Have you seen a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde movies that you like? Hmm. Uh,
Well, let's see. Again, I'm going to say that – yeah. Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde? No, I didn't. You don't. It's not very good at all. The old, old – like the Frederick March, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is really good. The silent one is really good with John Barrymore, I think it is. I have to say this is one that I think suffers a little bit from us living in a world that no longer has as rigidly defined morals.
As the world kind of once did in some ways where it was the – I feel like it's a lot harder to – like the hide has to be so much more extreme. in order to really get across that this is a guy operating on his worst instincts and in a way that society can't contain. And there have unfortunately been too many stories of someone who seems...
above reproach on the surface who turns out to be a monster. Yeah, they don't need the serum basically is what it is. I mean, I wonder if there's a, if there's a, to do a version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde where someone is blaming their problem. on a potion or whatever, and then it turns out it's not the case at all. I mean, I blame most of my problems on a potion. It's called tequila.
Like I wonder if there's something – I always had a joke version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in mind where Dr. Jekyll is very uptight. and very above reproach. And Mr. Hyde is like, look, he's got his problems, but he just relates to people a little better. He's looser. He's more fun to be around. And so Dr. Jekyll's friends are always trying to get him to take the potion, trying to convince him that he should become Mr. Hyde because it's more fun to be around.
Mr. Hyde. Pretty good. Yeah, his friends are mad. I was just actually thinking of a sassy, like... T-shirt, what Stuart just said, some Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde themed T-shirt about tequila. Yeah, yeah. Was Mary Riley a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde movie? I never saw that. I think that's Frankenstein, is it? No, I'm wrong. No, I think you're, well. I'll look it up. I've never seen it, so I don't know. Look it up. All I remember is that in the commercials, they would say, Mary Riley. We sure would.
So now that we've kind of done an overview of these movies, let's get a little word from our sponsors. You know, the Flophouse doesn't pay for itself, folks. No, it doesn't pay for it. If it did, ooh. If it did, Dan might have seen it. Dan might have seen Mary Riley and he would know, yes, it is inspired by Dr. Jackson and Mr. Hyde. Oh, cool. So I know about you guys, but all this talking.
This made me a little bit hungry. So I'm going to do a little bit of an ad from one of our sponsors, and that is our sponsor, HelloFresh. HelloFresh is a meal delivery system. They send you the meal and you put that thing together and you make it yourself. Are you tired of ordering out? Are you tired of going to the store and having to buy all the ingredients? Well, be tired no longer. HelloFresh will help.
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The Flophouse is also sponsored in part by Aura. That's A-U-R-A, Aura Frames. I think we all know someone who loves taking photos. Perhaps it is you, the one listening right now who I'm talking to. But those photos are just wasting away on their phone. Like, I know how that is. You take a bunch of pictures. You're like, oh, great picture. And you never look at it again. Not even.
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you know, see the whole spectrum of your life. I think that when you have this digital picture frame, you're a lot more generous about like, oh, that's a nice moment I want to remember that maybe I wouldn't. put up in a frame if it was just a regular old static frame, but you still want to see it. And that's the great thing about having a digital frame. And right now, you can save on the perfect gift that keeps on giving by visiting AuraFrames.com.
For a limited time, listeners can get $20 off their best-selling Carver Matte Frame with code FLOP. That's A-U-R-A frames.com, promo code FLOP. Don't forget. To mention that we, the Flophouse, sent you to show your support for the show. Terms and conditions apply. And I just want to mention, before we get back to some universal monstering, that Flop TV has come.
To an end, mostly our television version of the Flophouse that's on your computer. It was six live broadcasts, all talking about a different sequel. We had a great time with it. It was super fun. And those videos are still available for you to watch them should you want to. through the end of February. Go to theflophouse.simpletix.com, and you can still buy tickets or a season pass to view those videos. Binge them all. Why not? Space them out one a day.
Whatever you want to do, as long as you watch them before the end of February, before they go back into the Flophouse vault. That's theflophouse.simpleticks.com to look back on the hours of fun that we had telling you about movies. With a number two. Hey, is this Jesse? This is Jesse. Hey, this is Stuart Wellington, host of the Flophouse podcast on MaxFun. I'm calling because you've been named Maximum Fun's member of the month for February. Nice. If you don't mind me asking what... Oh, wow.
in 2021 was what allowed me to actually start supporting. Congratulations for having a real job and supporting my not real job. So as member of the month, you're going to be getting a $25 gift card to the Max Fund. store a special a special member of the month bumper sticker and a special priority parking spot at max fun hq in los angeles it's awesome to support you guys to support max fun i get endless
joy and entertainment. If you're a MaxFun member, you can become the next MaxFun member of the month. Support us at MaximumFun.org slash join. The formula of WD-40 is San Diego's greatest secret. Zippers were invented by a... Swedish immigrant love story. On the podcast, secretly incredibly fascinating, we explore this type of amazing stuff. Stuff about ordinary topics like cabbage and batteries and socks.
Topics you'd never expect to be the title of the podcast. Secretly Incredibly Fascinating. Find us by searching for the word secretly in your podcast app. And at MaximumFun.org. And we're back. As I mentioned right at the top, I just got a new job working for Universal Handling, some market research. And I have enlisted my two favorite movie experts in the whole wide world, Dan McCoy and Elliot Kalin, to help me with this. You know real movie critics too.
I do. I know real movie critics. And you know what? I threw them all in the trash. I picked you guys up off the shelf and I said, I want to play with you. So. Weird. So the thing. Part of the thing, we're talking about the Dark Universe here that's an interconnected universe with all the Universal Monsters. One of the things that has been a huge part of the Universal Monsters history and...
What seems to wet moviegoers appetites like nothing else is crossovers. People love it when one thing crosses over into another thing. Maybe Scooby-Doo shows up. Maybe Laurel and Hardy show up. What the fuck? Who cares? So. Universal has a pretty deep-ass catalog of other very popular franchises, and I'm going to run down some of these names, and I want to know what your thoughts are.
Just right off the top of your dome, whether or not you think that has good crossover opportunities with our newly reformed Dark Universe. So starting up, this is the biggest one, Fast and the Furious. How do they handle a Dracula? How do they handle one? Well, I mean, the typical way, steaks, sunlight, garlic.
Do they have those in the cars? Yeah. I mean, the cars have trunks. They could pick them up. Now I am thinking of like you attach the stakes to the front of the cars like jousting things. That's actually a good idea. That is a good idea. I feel like this is a natural progression for the class.
Especially because Draculas are also about family. When you turn someone into a vampire, they become part of your vampire family. And so the idea of our beloved gearheads and their family going up against a Dracula family that is – anything maybe even more tightly knit than our carboys.
And girls, you know. Now, do we have any other characters, any of our other universal monsters would mesh well with this? I don't know if a gill man is the best fit for it. Probably not, but I could see. So here's what I would see. If you're going to- They're going to bring other monsters in. If it's a car that turns into a boat, they had a car that turned into a spaceship. There's no reason you can't do that. But I think if you have...
Dracula turns one of the, one of the Furiosos or whatever they're called, the members that, they have a name like as a group? The Toretto family? I guess the Toretto's. Dracula turns one of the Toretto's. They've got to replace them. Frankenstein's going to drive this car. That actually is a good idea. This is going to seem tasteless. Paul Walker, bring him back to life as a Frankenstein. That is tasteless. You're right. You're right. Correct.
But, I mean, I said right up top, no idea is a bad idea. This is a safe space for sharing. You said it. You said none were bad, yeah. Okay. This space is safe, but unfortunately it's being broadcast out to the world. Yeah, outer space is very unsafe. You're not going to last long. We have another big franchise, and this is one that is near and dear to Elliot Kalin's heart. That's right, the Jurassic World franchise. That's his favorite iteration of that idea. Of course, the world. Now...
obviously we know Sam Neill already has a problem with invisible mans. Uh-huh. It's true. Sure. Because he was chasing an invisible Chevy chase. As read in the memoirs. It's right there in his name all over the place. Yeah. His name is Chase. Yep. Cast him. What other monsters would have good crossover potential? CP.
with the Jurassic World for red shots. I forgot what frame. We got so far down the invisible memoirs of a visual manhole. For a second, Dean was like, the Toretto family with dinosaurs? Sign me up. Now, so dinosaurs are – in the Jurassic franchise, they're often in a tropical setting.
They're in these Costa Rican islands, so that seems to me like a good place for a gill man. He does not fit so much in the car culture unless he's driving like a Big Daddy Roth-type strange car device. But I think you could easily have – They're investigating these dinosaurs and there's also – they find in the lagoon there, there's creatures there. There's Gilman. Right, right. Or how's this for a very, very boring movie?
The invisible man in Jurassic World. He's trying to get away from those dinos. So what he does is he turns invisible and he walks out of the park. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure, yeah. Sounds like a little slice of life. Slice a little stripe. It's really just, I mean, it's kind of just like a nature program because you can't see the Invisible Man. So you just see it pan over like the landscape and see a bunch of dinos and stuff and then it's over. And.
This next franchise is a crossover of both cars and things from an ancient time. That's right. The back to the future franchise. How do they, how do we handle? I mean, I feel like this makes sense. Marty McFly accidentally goes back to old timey Transylvania. I mean, I think we're avoiding – there's money on the table on the fact that Marty McFly is a werewolf in a different movie. Yes.
So I think we play around with that one maybe. And I don't know if they switch places, the Teen Wolf and Marty McFly, or Marty McFly becomes a Teen Wolf and he's like, not again. I feel like this has happened before. He looks at the camera and he's like, not again.
And the whole audience is like, we know what he's talking about. Yeah, he goes back in time to like a Romanian village in the 1800s, bitten by a wolf or 1600s even, bitten by a wolf, comes back. Yeah, not again. Oh, deja vu. And then they, you know. I also feel like the Back to the Future series, as it stands, kind of makes hay from like sort of evil doppelganger versions of characters through time. So if we throw in some Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, maybe.
You know, we've normally just seen, like, good characters be good through time or, you know, maintain traits. But what if, like, we get an evil Marty who's taking the potion who takes the... Or an evil Doc Brown. Doc Brown makes perfect sense. Doc Brown, he drank that potion and he turned into an evil Dr. Hyde Doc Brown, yeah. Okay, now we're going to think a little bit outside the box. How about the American Pie franchise? I hope you're listening, Chris.
What do we got? Yeah, what can they— I mean, we've already used Dracula, but I feel like if the mom that they want to sleep with is a vampire— Yep, Stifler's mom. Yep, happens to be— Yeah, Count Stifler's mom. That's part of her allure. Yeah. You can also do – We're going to spend a summer in our college years. What age are the American Pie Gang at this point? I mean now they're our age. They're in their 40s, yeah. But I guess –
I guess probably the newer movies have completely new – like it's like the children of the original American Pyres, right? Except Eugene Levy is still there, right? Probably. Yeah. I mean if it's the children of the original American Pyres, he's still the granddad. Yeah, because like –
I mean, the concept of the movie franchise is not like we're like aging with them as they go. It's about like high school and college. You're thinking of the 7-Up franchise, which only has one scene with someone having sex with a pie. And that's in 34 Up, I think.
You know what? We've been forgetting this whole time. We've been forgetting the mummy, and I feel like the mummy would fit right in. We didn't talk about the mummy at all. It's fine. We could talk about them now. Different kind of MILF. Exactly. These horny teens. Wonder what's under those wrappings. Yeah. It's all about that.
I think that – I feel like the Steven Soderbergh – Steven Soderbergh mummy. Steven Summers mummy film. Steven Soderbergh American Pie. In any case, they're all interesting. all good choices the steven summers mummy movie i think the thing it uh i think the thing that it did that was most revolutionary was like looking straight at the audience and being like what if the mummy
It was hot. Yeah, finally. What if everyone you saw on screen made you horny? Yeah. What if this, I don't know, kind of built your whole sexual identity around? Okay, so we've talked about American Pie. How about Shrek? How about it? How about Shrek? Crossovers with Shrek? Are you offering some? No, thanks. I feel like – I've had enough pleas. I feel like Shrek and Frankenstein could get along pretty well.
Yeah. And our final crossover, this one I don't believe is the universal property, but I bet we can make this happen. The Muppets. The Muppets are not a universal property. Universal Monsters and the Muppets. This is, I mean, like, this is... I think that with the Muppets, you got to stick with one of the classic Gothic stories. You can't really like, I mean, other than, I mean, I guess that the creature from the Black Lagoon, obviously in Kermit.
Would have some things to talk about. Yeah, because it's not easy being green. Yeah, sure. If you're looking for something for the whole cast to do, you've got to go with one of these classic gothic. pieces of literature. This is the one that I think the most has to be a monster party movie, as they used to call the big ones. They're in a gothic location, but all the, Frankenstein's there, Dracula's there.
Maybe Miss Piggy becomes the Bride of Frankenstein or something like that. It's almost like it's some kind of a mash. You want to see Miss Piggy with that hair. Somebody knows all the words. Yeah, exactly. If only there was a mash of some kind. Oh, yes. Miss Piggy's in there, yeah. You have Hawkeye and Radar from Mash.
Also there. Yeah. Yeah. As you mentioned, you have all the characters from the TV show smash the one about a Broadway show. But I think, I think you could, if you have the mummy, if you have the Muppets. you have the means to bring in all those characters. You have the mummy, Dracula, Frankenstein, Wolfman. Everybody's going to that movie. I want to see it now. I feel like you can either do it one of two ways where the Muppets characters are doing their kind of repertory.
version where they're playing those parts or the Muppets are on the road and they end up at a castle. And all those creatures are coming to bedevil them, you know. And like Gonzo turns into a werewolf or whatever. That sounds amazing. Fozzie or Animal. Animal's already kind of a werewolf. Animal's already a Mr. Hyde. Yes. That's true. Okay. So those are some great – Sorry. We learned that Animal is Sam the Eagle's hive. Those are the two. Or they give him the potion and he becomes –
Calm animal. You see the Dr. Jekyll side of him. That'd be great. Okay, so we've talked crossovers. I think we have some, there's some fertile ground there. Let's move on to merchandise. Now, the first one, we're running out of time, so we've got to be rapid fire here.
The most important merchandise choice, popcorn buckets. What's the popcorn bucket looking like? Obviously, Nosferatu already did a coffin. We're not going to be eating popcorn. The question is you've got to ask who has the most fuckable popcorn bucket opportunity. What's the most important? What's a Frankenstein popcorn bucket look like, Elliot? Frankenstein popcorn bucket, I feel like it's going to look like the slab he's on with the electrodes.
sticking out of it. If you're really going all out with this popcorn bucket, it makes a sound like thunder. lightning flashing on it. The mummy, it's going to look like a tune. I mean, I feel like Frankenstein's head kind of looks like a popcorn. You could do a popcorn bucket of Frankenstein's head too. I like that too because then it's like you're eating his brain. That's really good.
For the Wolfman, you have a lot of fur, which you always love to have a lot of loose hair in your popcorn. Especially when there's butter, yeah. Not good for the popcorn, but it does increase how good it feels on your genitals if you're using it for, again, intended purpose. Yeah, yeah, for sex purpose.
Ignoring that. I feel like an invisible man popcorn bucket. It's a little bit hard, right? It's like a see-through. A scam. See-through. See-through popcorn bucket. You claim that you're selling them. No, it's a see-through bucket, Dan. You don't just.
Just sell them nothing and say you have your invisible popcorn. Because popcorn is a tactile sensation. You taste it and touch it. It's not about just looking at it. The price, like the margins on mine are so good though. That's true. It's 100% profit because it's not real. It's really emperor's.
new popcorn bucket in a way. Exactly. The mummy, it's shaped like a pyramid. Creature from the Black Lagoon? I don't know. That's a good question. The creature head, I guess. Dr. Jack and Mr. I, half of it looks like a normal bucket, half of it looks like a crazy bucket. Yeah, exactly.
Oh, man, we crushed this. Okay, restaurant tie-ins. Restaurant tie-ins are super important. You need to get Matt Singer and Griffin Newman out there chomping down on them. You need to make them eat a lot of stuff at Denny's or whatever. Yeah, make the food as gross as possible for them.
It's all green. All the food's green, you know, naturally. Like you have green fish sticks with green fish meat in them for the gill man, you know. You could also have green fish sticks with green fish meat for the invisible man. That's true. Or Frankenstein's monster. Or Dracula. It's all green fish sticks. Yeah. I mean, Frank, Dracula, there's a steak aspect to it. Like it's a real big steak. Some sort of.
But it's got some kind of like – Strawberry shake too? It's a steak with strawberry sauce on it. Oh, there you go. It sounds disgusting. But that's the blood on this steak. So – And Wolfman, the food has hair in it. Yeah, just like Dan said with the popcorn. I think we're going to close this out on a more personal note.
Do you guys have any personal memories of movie tie-in products that you remember fondly or you think have a particularly weird story on? For instance, me, my favorite NES game was the Gremlins 2 NES. game and I remember taking a, I'm sure I told this story before, but I took a picture of my winning screen when I beat the game and sent it into Nintendo Power. I was that proud of it.
After, you know, I defeated, I defeated the, what, the spider gremlin? I mean, the thing is, you know, it's unsurprising that my brain immediately went to Gremlins 2. I mean, I don't mean Gremlins 2, the new badge. I mean, Gremlins as well. Comma T-O. I forget, you know, like whatever fast food.
joint was doing this. I had the entire run of the like story records that told the story of gremlins. I had those too. Yeah. Um, I think it was a McDonald's thing. I think like the really thin kind of flexi records. Yeah. Yeah. But it was still an impressive, I mean, like those were the days of like tie-ins, man, to do like a whole series of records that told the story of the movie Gremlins and have it at a fast food place. I totally remember listening to that.
I listened to it so much that my mom and my mom would always joke around about how one of them started. Kate and Billy. She was a big Caten Alley fan. Yeah. I feel like I don't – most of the tie-ins I can think of are either cups with pictures on them from fast food –
restaurants or toys, but I think this is before my time, but I'll just mention the classic C-3PO tape dispenser where, for whatever reason, they sculpted it where C-3PO is laying back with his legs spread and the tape roll, the scotch tape is right in between his legs. Well, like that's... How else would you do it? I don't understand. I mean, at that point, you might rethink the concept of a C3PO tape dispenser. No, I love that. Yeah.
Listeners, write in. Write emails to Dan or respond to this somewhere. Or all of us. Or all of us with some of your favorite movie tie-in merch. It's going to help me in my new job. Thank you so much for listening. This has been a Flophouse Mini. Thank you to Alex Smith, our producer, for putting this beautiful thing all together and sticking it right in your ear balls.
I would also like to thank our network, Maximum Fun. You're not looking for minimum fun. If you're looking for minimum fun, you're in the wrong place because Maximum Fun is where we're at. And there's plenty of really great shows there. I'd like to thank my two co-hosts, Dan McCoy and Elliot Kalin, for helping me out with this project.
Uh, and it also gave me an excuse when I'm like, what can I talk to? What do I have in common with Elliot? Universal monsters, baby. Yep. Right there. Um, okay. So I hate them. And Dan fucking hates him. So I was doing this mainly to bedevil him. Thanks for tolerating this irritating discussion, Dan. Yeah, nothing I like worse than monster talk. So again, for the Flophouse, I've been Stuart Wellington. I've been Dan McCoy.
I've been Elliot Kalin. Bye. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.