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Well hi team i'm fitz kohler you're very squeamish fitness expert from fitness.com and welcome to the fitness show today we have a very sweet and brave woman sharing a very funny story so all of my listeners who have either run ran or walked races you will identify with this wonderful, wonderful woman, Melissa, who had a serious poop-tastrophe at the Boston Marathon. That's right. The worst kind of-tastrophe in the most iconic of all races. She had it.
She lived to tell the tale. And boy, does she tell that tale well. So as many of you know, Now on Fitzness.com, there's a space that says appear on the Fitzness show. And I give some prompts of things you might want to share. And since runners are very focused on their bathroom situation, oh, gee, the amount of potty talk from the running community is over the top. But boy, am I glad that Melissa reached out to share her story.
In fact, my intern reviewed her submission and said, yeah, definitely this one. And, oh, definitely this one. So hold on tight. You can definitely, definitely let your kids hear this. They'll giggle. They'll giggle in the back of the car. And you can let your mom hear this. It's nothing, nothing really. What's the word? It's not grotesque. It's just unfortunate. Totally and deeply unfortunate.
So we're going to get to know Melissa a little bit up front and then hear how things played out at the Boston Marathon. Oi. Hey folks, if you haven't done so already, make sure you follow the Fitsness Show, click like, maybe even leave a review. And if you enjoy this one, and I know you will, please share with friends. Here's Melissa. So tell everybody who you are, where you're from, what you do, and how you got into running. Okay. So I am from Troy, Ohio, which is just north of Dayton.
Just, you know, Midwest, boring, you know, not a lot to do around here. I, yeah, I got into running in high school in the 90s, I was bad at every sport. I'm not coordinated, can't handle a ball. So, you know, regular sports. I tried soccer. I was mediocre at best, but I really wanted to be involved in something. You know, I wanted to be like all the other kids in sports. And my dad had always been a runner, not a competitive runner. Just he didn't do races just for fitness.
You know, he was your typical three miles a day, you know, three or four times a week type guy. And I thought, well, anybody can run, right? So maybe I'll just, maybe I'll just go out for cross country because there's no cutting. Everyone, everyone can be on the team. So that's what I did. I was horrible at it. I hated it. I would.
I didn't try very hard at all. In fact, I would, when I was out of eyesight from anyone that might be watching, whether it be my dad or the coaches or whoever, I would walk and walk until the amount of time I needed to be back where I was supposed to be at the right time and then run again when people were going to see me. So I was not good, not motivated. And then I did track and also hated track, but at least the distance was shorter.
So I was just in it for the social aspect. But so pause right there, because I also was a mediocre athlete. My older siblings were elite. They were great at everything. I got cut from a lot of teams. I just wanted to wear the uniform. Yeah. Just wanted to be part of a team. And I ended up on the track team, too, except I had a knee brace.
I just had knee surgery. So I ended up doing shot put, discus, and high jump, which I don't think I necessarily excelled at any of them, but I was good enough to win some things based on there not being a lot of competition. But I was with you on that, just wanting to be a part of it all. I did shot and disc as well, because I was so bad at running that I was just like, I'll just do this because it's easier and I don't have to exert myself as much.
And I was also bad at that, just FYI. I did not win anything, but, you know, I was in stuff. So after high school and into my, you know, early adult years, I would get back into running periodically. You know, I'd run for three months and then not run again for three years. Just, you know, fitness type things. Just being like, oh, I'll start working out again. And then, oh, I don't feel like it. And then life happened and kids happened.
And then I had four daughters. And when my youngest daughter was about two, I had lost most of the baby weight. But, you know, I was just so soft and mushy. And I just I really wanted to get back in shape. And so I thought, OK, I'll start running again. This was about. Let's see, 15 years after high school by then. So I'm in my early 30s. And I don't know what happened, but this time something just clicked.
And I just fell in love with it. And I discovered I was really not bad at it anymore, maybe because I was, you know, trying. But yeah, I so I did some local 5k's and my times were, you know, in the mid 20s. And I'm like, wow, you know, I'm doing an eight something pace. And yeah, I was really enjoying it. And still just low miles, you know, just like three miles. Eventually, I decided to try for a 10k. So I did a 10k.
And I still managed an eight something pace. And I was like, this is pretty cool. So I, by this time, Facebook was coming along, and you're starting to see what everybody else is doing. And I saw friends from high school who were doing like half marathons. And I thought, I'll do a half marathon. You know, I've never run more than a 10K, but sure, I'll do a half marathon. Around that same time, though, my times really started slowing down a lot and I didn't know why.
So I trained for and did this half marathon. It was the Air Force Marathon in Dayton and it was in 2013. So that was my 34th birthday. It was such an accomplishment on my birthday. A lot of fatigue though. I finished the race in two hours and 24 minutes, I think, which for a first time half, you know, I was really happy with that. It was a very respectable time. An 11 minute pace, but I was still dealing with a lot of fatigue, which turned out to be an iron deficiency.
And once I started taking iron supplements, within a couple of months, my times just started getting faster and faster again. And it was around then that I decided to sign up for my first full marathon. So let's pause just to read everybody how important nutrition is. And if you are having signs of fatigue that are unexplained, go to your doctor, go get your blood work done and let a medical professional tell you if and where you need the help.
So I'm glad you figured that out. That sounds like a huge turning point. I mean, I was a runner. I could, I would run all the time, but I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without being winded. You know, every time I stood up, I felt lightheaded, like I was going to pass out and just slogging through the runs, you know, but by then, like I definitely had the bug and I was going to,
you know, run no matter what, no matter how bad I felt. And so I, Here we are, however many years later, what is this, 25 now? So 13 years later, and I'm still in love with it. Now I'm a long-distance running coach. So if anybody needs a coach, hit me up. Okay. But yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, at the end of the show, we're going to give out your Instagram handle and your contact information so people can reach you. Okay. Sounds awesome. Thank you.
Okay. So your first marathon, where was it? So it was in Indianapolis, the Indianapolis Monumental. Great race, really great race. Love the course. Going into it, when I first started training, I thought, OK, so I did this half at an 11 minute pace. Obviously, I'm feeling a lot better now because my body has the nutrition it needs.
But I wonder if I could do a 10-minute pace. I thought if I can do this race at a 10-minute pace, I will be so happy, which I think would probably be around what, maybe like a 420 marathon or something like that. So when I first started training, that's what I had in mind.
And then as I was reading more and more about races and as social media got bigger and bigger, and I started seeing more and more about Boston, and plus the Boston bombings had just happened the year prior, I thought, I wonder if I could qualify for Boston. I know this is crazy. This is my very first ever marathon. To qualify at that point, I needed a 340, which would have been like an 820 pace. I thought, I'm going to put that little nugget in the back of my mind and see what I can do.
So I just self-taught myself as far as training went. I just did a lot of reading. I subscribed to Runner's World. Just started reading a lot about all the different methods, speed work, tempo runs, all that kind of stuff. And I got the Hal Higdon basic plan, but I added my own, which didn't include any kind of speed work. It just gave me the miles. So I just figured out how to add all those other things like speed work and stuff to it.
And as we got closer and closer I started feeling more and more doable and on race day it was frigid you know I trained through the summer and fall and here we are it's like 17 degrees out and I thought oh this is going to kill my goal but buildings and the people shielded me and just the excitement and the adrenaline of the day and I I did it I qualified my first race, If you know anything about Boston, you know that they have a buffer.
Just qualifying doesn't mean you're going to get in because more people want to run it than they have space for. So I only qualified by 35 seconds. So I did not actually make it into Boston. But just knowing that I qualified was still incredibly exciting. So the goal then became to actually get into Boston, which I eventually did. So I qualified again two years later. And it was by, I don't know, five or six minutes that time. So that was enough to actually get in to run the 2018 Boston race.
Okay. And how many times have you run Boston Marathon so far? I have now run it three times. I ran it in 18, 19 and 21. And I'm training to run it again this year in 25 after taking a few years off to do other things. Outstanding. I've run only one marathon and it was Boston and I got in the easy way. I was invited to do it and there was some fundraising attached, but it was an absolutely wonderful experience. I think I had so much fun running.
I don't know if you know Vince Ferroa. He owns the Boston Buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh. My hashtag for that is I hate Vince, but we had the best time. We had so much fun. I remember when that was circulating. Yeah, everybody was like, I love your hashtag. No, I mean it. I mean it. But it turned out to be great. And we had a lot of fun. And which year did you run it? I'm 21. Okay. Did you do the shakeout run? I showed up at the shakeout run.
You know, know what's so interesting is I thought, holy smokes, I'm going to be running 26.2 miles tomorrow. I don't want to go on a five-day run today. And like, I was very much conserving my energy for race day, but I was there and I socialized. So I get a little bit. Well, maybe I, maybe I met you. I don't know. Hopefully we did. I met a lot of people there. Yeah. I had the shirt. No, I had the hoodie on that day. That's right. I feel, I hope we met.
We're probably in a picture You're hugging somewhere, aren't we? Yeah, probably. Probably. We were probably in that picture that Marty Clark had everybody take. Yeah, Marty. Oh, my gosh. He's a big personality, isn't he? And so freaking fit. Yes, I know. That guy is ripped, isn't he? Yeah, he is. And he shows it. I don't mind. Go ahead, Marty. You keep posting these shirtless pictures every day. Actually, here's a total sidebar. But I met Marty and Vince in 2019.
I was announcing the Philadelphia Marathon that year. And I was just getting my hair back. I had had chemo and the hair was coming back a little bit. And I had it spiky. And originally, I dyed it. I bleached it. Once it came in, I had a little buzz cut. So now it was kind of like a darker blonde with the spiky roots, but I just still felt like I looked weird. I mean, I, and I was skinny, the whole thing. And we were at a VIP party before the race and Artie came by.
He goes, I love your hair. And I said, you do? He goes, yeah. I was like, oh, that's really nice of you. That's really sweet. It's growing back from chemo. He goes, well, I'm a hairstylist and I love your hair. And I thought, oh, well, if you're a hairstylist, my hair must actually be good. It was such high praise to get from a hairstylist. Yeah. Sweet. And I met Vince and just fell in love. And they made me a Boston buddy. And I'm so grateful. What a wonderful group of people, right?
Yes, definitely. So encouraging. Great group. Okie dokie. Okie dokie. So back to you. So you've a poop-tastrophe story. So lay it on us. Tell us what year and all the details, all the gory details. Okay. So there we are. Like I just said, I spent a couple of years trying to get into Boston and it was my first Boston, 2018. And for those who remember the 2018 year, the 2018 Boston was the year of the, basically the monsoon, the Boston monsoon, as we call it, it was, it wasn't just raining.
It was like torrential downpour the whole weekend. I mean, I couldn't, you couldn't do all the things that people like to do when they go to Boston for the marathon, you know, I mean, you could, but you're going to get wet and be cold, you know, the finish line pictures and the, you baseball games, all that fun stuff people like to do. So basically, I didn't do any of it.
I had tickets to the pasta dinner, didn't go to the pasta dinner because the line was wrapped around the building and it was a torrential downpour. So I had my boyfriend, well, he's my husband now, but my then boyfriend with me, my dad, his wife, my sister. So everybody had come to watch me do Boston for the first time and it was just yucky weather. And speaking of pasta, so when you're going to run a marathon, as you know, you have to carb load.
So for the whole week before, especially those last three days, you are really like killing it on the carbs. You're eating all the pasta, the bread, all the things that are going to give you energy. And as the case may be, also all the things that happen to back people up a little bit. You know, you're getting those, your intestines full and so forth. Well, the thing with me is I am a shy pooper, so I have a hard time going away from home anyway.
Like if I'm traveling, it's a little bit difficult for me, especially like if there's other people around in earshot. So I am there with my boyfriend sharing this little tiny Boston hotel room with the bathroom, you know, like right there, right outside the bed. And I just, I couldn't go. So by the time Marathon Monday rolls around, I had not gone since I was home on Friday morning. So that is Saturday, Sunday, Monday, three days of carb loading and no potting.
So needless to say, let me interject there. I think it's very important. And I also believe that girlfriends don't ever poop when they have a boyfriend, right? Of course not. Of course not. Definitely not anywhere where they could be around, but you know. For certain. Never, never, ever. Yeah. Like, come on. So... So I knew going into the race, it was a high risk situation because when you run, as you know, like you're getting things moving, you know, your body starts moving.
And if you have a lot of stuff backed up in there, that's the time when it just might decide to come out. So it is Marathon Monday. We take the bus ride from Boston to Hopkinton to Athletes Village. It's, I don't know, what, like a 45-minute ride. It was pouring down rain. It was freezing. It was in the 30s, but the wind chill, I'm sure, was even colder.
There was like, it's not like everything was snow-covered, but it was cold enough that there was snow along the sides of the roads on the drive there. Wow. What were you wearing? I was wearing, so tights, black tights. Usually they don't let you bring a bunch of stuff with you to Athletes Village. You have to fit everything into this little bag. But because of the weather circumstances that year, they allowed us to bring like extra shoes and things like that to change into.
So I wore a pair of throwaway shoes because all the throwaway clothes, you know, they'll donate to people in need. So I brought an extra pair of shoes and I was wearing, I think like three layers on top under a raincoat. I had went out, the forecast was bad, like for the week leading up to the race. So before we left home, I had gone out and bought a supposedly waterproof raincoat to run in. You know, I had the ear covers, I had gloves, my thickest gloves, the whole bit.
So we get to Athlete's Village and there's a tent set up for people to congregate under. And then there's the port-a-potties. So there's this row of port-a-potties. And like with any race, you're waiting in line for a long time for a port-a-potty. And with the weather this year, it was a complete mud pit. I mean, the muddy water in line for the port-a-potties was so deep that it completely covered one's shoes. Oh, so you start off the Boston Marathon with soaked feet, soaked socks,
soaked everything. Wow. Yeah. And what I didn't realize is there were more port-a-potties, because this was my first time. Once you get into the start corral area and move closer to where the actual start line is, you go past a much bigger area of port-a-potties. They're actually on concrete, not muddy. I didn't know those existed. So, of course, I'm going for the port-a-potties in the muddy grass.
And just for folks who have not run races or aren't part of this world, the pooping thing is a constant topic amongst runners. Runners love to talk about pooping, which is why I actually created this prompt. But the whole drinking coffee, waking up early, runners are very, very laser focused around their digestive system before a race. So people should know that's a very big deal. It is. And I've heard the coffee thing helps, but I'm not a coffee drinker.
Me neither. So I didn't even have that to help me out. So I stand in line for the port-a-potty. I'm able to pee, but of course, no poop. So still going into the race, no poop. I go to the start line. I had my throwaway. I had my extra shoes and socks. So I'm like, well, at least I'll be able to start the race off with dry feet. So I change into my extra shoes and socks, start the race, avoid the puddles for as long as I can, which ended up being about a quarter of a mile.
And I mean, it's so deep that the whole road is like one puddle, like it's unavoidable. I mean, there's areas where literally the water was ankle deep. It was really bad. The winds were sustained about 40 miles an hour, gusts even bigger, and it was just nonstop. I mean, that was the year that a lot of even the elites dropped out with hypothermia. I think I'm pretty sure that not a single Kenyan runner actually finished because, you know, they're not used to that kind of weather.
It was really, really bad. I mean, they were having a hard time keeping cups on the tables because the wind, you know, the aid stations, the water and the Gatorade, the wind was just, I mean, I just bad time for everyone involved. Yeah, I just really feel for the volunteers that day. You know, I was out there for three and a half hours. They were out there all day.
Crazy. so yeah and we will be right back do your hips glutes quads and hamstrings need extra support while running of course they do. Both soothing and comfortable, compression tights by Leo Reve boosts blood and lymphatic circulation while increasing muscle pliability, which helps prevent fatigue and injury. Made for men and women of all speeds. Check out the superior balanced compression tights made right here in America. Visit leoreve.com. That's L-E-O-R-E-V-E-R dot com.
We're back. So like I said, it's just raining so, so hard. It's one of those things where you just keep your head down and you don't even look around you. You know, I had a visor on under my rain hood. And so I got my head down to try to just because it's just pelting. It's just blasting you in the face. This was back when I was still wired headphones instead of wireless. Eventually, like my music just died because the water just shorted out the headphones.
And so it's no music, just being freezing to death, pelting with rain. My tights became so waterlogged that they began to slide down my body. Like I'm constantly having to yank my tights up because they're just so heavy with water. So because, yeah, so because my tights are slipping down, then that gives my underwear room to move. Of my underwear, which are also drenched, and became just a waterlogged clump that also slumped and just swung back and forth between my legs.
I mean... Can I ask, were you wearing a thong? I was. Okay. Yeah. I mean, to have a soggy thong rolling around, that's great. Yeah, it was, It was awesome. It was really awesome. And so within the first... Within the first 45 minutes, I could really start to feel the chafing happening down there because of the underwear, like bouncing back and forth and just the wetness. And it was really starting to get pretty painful down there, which because chafing is a thing anyway with marathons.
But add all that to it, it was a mess. So we get to about the halfway point. I had gone into the race with no goals because the weather was just so awful. You know, previously I'd been hoping to PR. You know, I'd heard Boston was a hard course, but like I personally can't go into a race without at least trying to PR. So I thought, you know, maybe I will. But then, you know, race day comes. It's just bad weather.
And I'm just like, I'm just going to throw those goals out the window and just try to finish the race. But by the halfway mark I realize maybe I'm just trying to get out of the cold but I realize I actually am on pace for a PR so at this point I'm like okay I'm gonna go for it I'm gonna I'm gonna push for this now well not much longer after that I started to feel the rumblings in my stomach and I can feel that things are starting to move.
And I, yeah, exactly. It's like, oh crap. Quite literally. I'm, so I'm thinking about my options. First of all, I'm on course for a PR at this point. And I knew that if I stopped, that would be all gone. Yeah. But the bigger issue was it was so cold. I could no longer feel my hands. My hands were just frozen, painful.
And I envisioned myself trying to stop at a port-a-potty, get the sopping wet clothes down with these fingers that don't work, and then try to get the sopping clothes back up, which would probably be even harder with fingers that don't work. Yeah. And I just, I just didn't think I could do it. Plus when you've been running for that long, if you sit down, are you going to be able to stand back up and run again?
Right. Right. Million dollar question. And again, for folks who don't know, when you run and it's cold, you lose all dexterity in your fingers. Like I wouldn't be able to dial a phone or pick my nose. I mean, there's basically zero skills you can do with your fingers once it's cold enough and you've been running for that long. Yes. So I thought, I think the best thing I can just do is just try to hold it. Like, I don't think I'm going to be able to stop and go to the bathroom.
So, and I, I just tried to hold it as best I could. Um, So around mile 16 is when the Newton Hills start and you start doing a lot more uphill. There's a lot more downhill than the beginning, of course. And for those who don't know, when you do downhill running for a long time, that actually destroys your legs more than uphill running. Yes, uphill running feels harder, but downhill running actually pounds your legs, your muscles up more.
So when you that's what makes Boston such a difficult course because you're running downhill mostly there is some uphill along the way but you're running mostly downhill for the first half of the race and then when you get to mile 16 I mean you're exhausted anyway because you've been running 16 miles and you've been running downhill so your legs are just beaten to a pulp and then you have to start trying to run uphill, which is, by then your legs are just trash. So it's very, very difficult.
So here I am going into the uphill portion of the course, also trying to clench my butt cheeks together so that I don't poop my pants and, you know, just drenched, cold, miserable. And I just felt it coming. Like I felt it just starting just, for lack of a better word, it was just seeping out. I could feel it seeping out. I'm just like, oh my God. I knew that my family was waiting at the bottom of Heartbreak Hill around mile 21 to high five me. And I can feel my pants filling.
I'm just like, oh crap. Literally. Yikes. Yeah. Like, thank God I have black leggings on, but also, you know, brown doesn't actually blend in with black. You know, Brown does stand out against black. So as I go on. Are you feeling some relief though? Are you feeling like, oh, my tummy doesn't bother me as much as you're relieving yourself on the run? Not yet. There were multiple episodes of it. So I'm still trying to squeeze it in.
A few minutes later, I feel it happen again. It probably happened about four times in total. Oh my gosh. It was like, there was a lot. Like I just knew that there was a lot there. And remember what I said earlier about how badly I could feel myself chafing early in the race so now I have all these like open wounds down there that are are filling with crap oh my gosh like an infection situation too yeah it was like it was a high-risk situation just waiting you know, to, it was the perfect storm.
It was a perfect storm of the weather, of not being able to poop for three days, just all of it. Now, are there runners next to you saying anything or do you, in your mind, is everybody behind you staring at your behind? I assumed that everyone behind me was staring at my behind. No one said anything to me. I'm just hoping that like me, everybody else just had their heads down trying to avoid the rain. Maybe it made me run a little bit faster, so I wouldn't be next to the same
person for very long. They wouldn't have to smell me. I don't know. I actually couldn't smell myself because I'm assuming the smell was going like back wind and I'm running forward. But so by the time I come to my family and my boyfriend around mile 21, I already crapped myself at least four times.
No idea what I looked like from the back. But I, you know, I saw my family approaching on my left and they're holding their hands out and I hold my hand out and I plaster the biggest freaking smile on my face and just high five them as I run by thinking to myself, can they see that the whole back of me is brown? Can they see that right now? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, when, when's the last time you pooped your pants, Melissa? Before, prior to or since then? Yeah. No prior. Oh, well.
I don't know. Either way, I was thinking before that. Actually, it had happened to me a couple times before on training runs. Oh, really? Okay. I just have lots of stomach issues, but it was one of those things where nobody had to know because I wasn't in a race. And I would finally get to a port-a-potty or something along my running route and throw my underwear away. And it wasn't enough that like... Anybody had to know. Right. So, yeah.
And side note, I now take Pepto before runs. So there's that. Oh, just just a little tidbit from when I was doing chemo and my stomach was a disaster. Apparently, Imodium is a powerful, is an even more powerful option for that. I've heard that and I did actually try it at future races. I actually tried it in Boston 21, but it's just something about it. It made me too jittery. Like it affected my heart rate actually. And it didn't work well for me. I mean, I didn't poop my pants,
so there was that, but. There you go. Yeah. Imodium and running just didn't work out well for me. But anyway, back to. You're running, you've got poop. And now is it in your shoes? Is it in your socks? Do you, I mean.
I mean, at this point, I don't really know. but so I thankfully finished the race the weather has not let it up at all it's a complete nightmare but I finished the race and I did PR I PR'd by about two and a half minutes I had run Chicago the fall before and PR'd there with like a 3 32 something and then I finished Boston at 3 30 so So I was super stoked about that. I typically don't check gear at a race. Like you can check a bag with extra clothes and things to collect after the race.
I usually don't. But because the weather was so bad this year, I did. Thank you, God. Because I would need those clothes for far more intense reasons than just wet, bad weather clothing. I knew that my family was waiting for me somewhere. the family meetup area or whatever after the race. So at this point I have to stand in line at the gear check with hundreds of other runners. And that's, I still couldn't see what I looked like from behind,
but once I was standing still, that's when I could really, really start to smell myself. And it was bad. It was so bad. I was so embarrassed with all these runners around me. My face had to be bright red, but you know, what are you going to do? You know? So I stand, I mean, it probably was like a 15 minute wait to get in my bag. Were you at least able to cover yourself up with one of the Mylar blankets? Did you have one? I honestly, I can't remember. Okay.
Okay. I'm sure if I had one, I probably had the sense to wrap it around my waist, but you also have to keep in mind at this point, I am not really in my right mind because I think like the hypothermia effect and just the drain of any normal marathon, the nutrition deficit, all of those things really started to set in, you know, like the. The goosebumps and the chattering teeth, all of those things started to really set in once I was no longer moving. And I just remember feeling like I was in
a giant brain fog. I could hardly think. I could hardly speak. I could hardly move my arms and such. So I got my gear check bag, and there's this tent right beside there where people could change clothes. I can't remember for sure if it was mixed gender, if they had a man and a woman's one, I don't remember. And people, you know, the runners, they didn't care. They were just changing in front of everybody just to get out of those sopping wet clothes.
That wasn't an option for me. I knew that I couldn't change my clothes in front of everybody with the situation that I had going on. So I actually, there was a port-a-potty right there and you never would have guessed this, but the port-a-potty was empty. I didn't have to wait for a port-a-potty and it ended up being some like double wide handicap porta potty that had all this space in it. So I go in there to change.
At this point, my watch is just like buzzing off the hook. My family, you know, is trying to find me. My phone is down the bottom of my bag. My hands don't work anyway. And my priority at this point is getting the crappy clothes off of me. So I take my shoes off. I take the pants off because of the sheer quantity of crap and all that rain, my legs are just brown. Like my legs are just, and it's, you know, full of water. So it's just this brown liquidy.
Are you just disgusted with yourself at this point? It was so nasty. And I'm in a port-a-potty. I didn't have any wipes or anything packed in my bag. So all I have is like one ply port-a-potty toilet paper using wet hands anyway to try to clean up my private areas and my legs. Trying to get as much of it off as I could. So I cleaned myself up the best I could. I don't know how long it took. It felt like a lifetime.
I mean, it was probably at least 20 minutes I'm in this port-a-potty trying to, you know, naked from the waist down, trying to use this one-ply toilet paper to wipe my legs and everything else off with. I guess in some ways, maybe the rain was a good thing. Maybe some of it was already washed off, but it was bad. So I cleaned myself up and I change into my dry clothes, still completely like half out of my mind. It's still pouring rain out. But thank you, Jesus, at least I had dry clothes on.
And by this time, I cleaned myself up enough that I could no longer smell myself. So that was a blessing. Like I wasn't going to have to smell like crap when I found my boyfriend and my family. So my family had given up trying to wait for me at the family reunion area. They told me they were on such and such a street. I don't have any directional capabilities on the best of days. I had no idea how to get to whatever street they were talking about.
So I pack up my bags and I leave and I just like wander. I find my way out of the race exit area and I'm just like wandering around in Boston. And it's still pouring rain. It had slowed down a little bit. It wasn't like a torrential downpour, but it was still like a fairly steady rain. And I'm just walking around and ahead of me, I actually see my dad. My dad is just standing on the street corner looking around and I could barely use my voice because I was so out of it.
I could, you know, it was taking all of my strength just to move forward one step in front of the other. And I remember just calling out like in a barely audible voice. I was just like, dad, dad, you know, I'm just like, yeah, this 38 year old woman just like calling for dad on a street corner. And he, I'm sure he couldn't hear me, but he happened to look around and I was able to raise my hand just a little bit. And he saw me. Of course he ran to me and grabbed me at that point.
I allowed myself to collapse into him and he drug me into the Starbucks where the rest of my crew was waiting. And by the time I got a hot chocolate into me, I started to like perk up and like come back to life. But because I am one of the cheapest people in the existence of the world, I did not throw out those nasty clothes. That's actually what I was thinking. It's just throw those in the porta potty toilet and say goodbye. Right. But I did not. I had my race shoes.
I had my clothes all of it and you know the clear plastic You know like scrunch bag that they give you to check your gear. So all of that is sealed away in that bag, But, you know, I couldn't keep it sealed away in that bag for the rest of the trip. So we make it back to the hotel and I have these crappy clothes. Like, so I rinse them out in the bathtub with the door shut, of course. And I'm telling you, the water was like so brown. It looks like I had taken a mud bath and was like cleaning off.
I rinse these things out the best I could. I took a shower and Fitz, if you have ever chafed, you know that when that water hits the chafing for the first time, like I cried in the shower. You can't imagine the damage that was done between the chafing and the poop. Like my lady bits were just bleeding. It was awful. And then it's like, what do I do with these clothes? I hung the rinsed out tights over the shower rack. But the room, it just smelled so bad. It just reeked.
And I had to share that with my boyfriend for the next. I mean, we left the next day. So for the rest of Monday and into Tuesday, like our room just smells like crap. So obviously, like I had to come clean about what had happened. That's what I was going to ask is, did you did you confess to everybody?
I didn't in the moment, like when we were at Starbucks, I was, I didn't tell them then, but I did tell my boyfriend once we got back to the hotel and then I've since confessed to the rest of my family. So now of course it's a huge family joke about the crafter pants at Boston repeatedly. Yeah. So that was my poop-tastrophe. Your poop-tastrophe. And, But I PR'd. I PR'd. So there you go. You PR'd and your boyfriend became your fiance, became your husband. He must love you so much. He must.
You put in your pants four times in Boston and he still wanted to marry you. You must be a special woman. We weren't even engaged yet when that happened. But I had planned on Boston being a one and done. But because of everything about the experience, I was like, I want to do this again. And I want to experience Boston under normal circumstances. And when we came back for Boston 2019, a year later, he was already my husband. So, wow. Yeah. It all worked out. It all worked out.
And we will be right back. Are you looking for the perfect gift for a loved one battling cancer? The Cancer Comeback Series by Fitz Kohler offers hope, inspiration, and practical guidance. With your healthy cancer comeback, my noisy cancer comeback, and the Healthy Cancer Comeback Journal. These books are a lifeline for all patients and survivors. Right now, you can order autographed copies at a special discount. Show your support and help a loved one go from sick to strong.
Visit Fitzness.com today. That's F-I-T-Z-N-E-S-S.com. Fitzness.com. We're back. So what would you do differently? Well, what I do now is I take laxatives for the days leading up to the race so that I don't get backed up, so that I can poop before the race and be all cleaned out on race day. And I did discover, I think it was actually Boston 21, I discovered that even though I'm not a coffee drinker, that hot tea will help do the same thing.
So I have not since Boston 2018 ever pooped my pants in a race again. Bravo. Yeah. So there's my hack for any of you people out there that suffer with this, because I know I'm not alone. Make sure you're well cleaned out before race day and carry a baggie of those pink pills with you on race day. And that will help. Very, very wise words. Okay. So listen, at the end of all of this,
thank you for sharing your story. Let me say that. It's a very brave thing to come clean publicly, but it's such a funny story. And I can put myself in your shoes running along and I don't know, having people behind me and just having to say, I can't live for other people's opinions right now. I think that's one of the real themes here is you just went for it. You went for your goal and to hell with anyone behind you that thought ill of
you, like too bad, so sad you had a job. off to do. That's wildly impressive. My husband said that he would have literally just dropped out of the race. I'm like, I did not train for four months. Yeah. Get up early on marathon Monday and run in the rain, you know, and plus Boston is a very expensive trip. You know, fly from Ohio, spend all that money on the flight, the hotel, do that whole thing just to drop out of the race over a little,
okay, not a little bit, a lot of poop on Marathon Monday. Like, I am not doing that. I am not wasting my time and my money to drop out of a race unless my leg is broken or something like that. Well, I hope you hold every other challenge ahead of you up to that. Like, okay, I can do hard things. I prove this. I'm gritty. And then make sure everything in front of you moving forward is a lot easier.
So with the fitness show, not only do we talk fitness and running and so forth, but at the end of my shows, we do a communication tip and song of the show. So you're a teacher, correct? I am. All right. So what would your communication tip be for our listeners today? My communication tip. So just as far as how to communicate with others, just whatever. I would say always approach people from a place of calm and kindness, even when you're upset.
This is what I tell the kids in my classes when they have conflict with each other and they want to call somebody out that so-and-so took their whatever or bumped into them or did whatever catastrophe that caused them to be upset. I said, you need to talk to them calmly and kindly. Tell them how whatever they did made you feel and then listen to what they have to say. So that is what I tell my. Preschool through third grade children, and that's my advice for adults too.
Don't come at them with aggression and accusations and the mindset that that other person already had ill intent because accidents happen, misunderstandings happen. Just explain yourself and how you feel from a place of calm and then listen. Brilliant. That seems like a path towards resolution versus just aggravation. So thank you for that. And then lastly, song of the show.
So what song would you like our listeners to add to their playlist there for running even with poop in their pants or whatever else, softball games? What's the song? What's the song and who sings it? And my favorite, I don't know if it's my favorite, but my go-to song that really motivates me when I'm running would be St. Elmo's Fire. Are you familiar with that song from the 80s? It's from the 80s. Yes. And at this exact moment, I can't remember who sings it, so I'm looking it up.
Oh, okay. John Parr. I don't even know if I knew that. But yeah, St. Elmo's Fire by John Parr is like, I always have that song situated towards like the end of my playlist. Like I try to make my marathon playlist about how long I hope to finish in. And I try to time that song. So it's like... Maybe the second to last or last song as I'm approaching the finish line, because it just really like pumps me up and motivates me to just really like focus and kick it in.
So that's a great choice. And I love 80s music, obviously the best decade for music in general. But I was told listening to Rob Lowe, he has a great podcast. It's called Literally, and it's so fun.
That's one of the things I listen to weekly. But he said that song, man in motion was written by john parr for a guy who was in a wheelchair who was we can't forget what he was going to do but it was written for a man in a wheelchair and then the director of saint elmo's fire came and said can you write us a song for this movie and so he kept the same song about the man in motion in the wheelchair oh he just threw in the lyrics.
I had just always assumed it was written specifically for that. Yeah. The movie. That's interesting. I love Rob Lowe. I'll have to look up the podcast. Oh, it's so good. And then two of my favorite books are the books he's written. It's Stories I Only Tell My Friends and Love Stories.
And you know what? He's a fine actor. He's certainly not someone I would say is my favorite actor but he's he's a great podcaster and he's really good with the books too so yeah I mean he's not like on my like top list of like all-time actors I love but I always enjoy him when I see him in movies so yeah, And St. Elmo's Fire. We got to listen to that. All right, Melissa, thank you for sharing your incredible, fantastic, funny story.
I'm glad you've recovered from that and found a methodology to prevent a recurrence. You're probably saving lives right now. There's probably so many people that are going to take your story and heed your warning and take action. But all I need you to do right now is tell our audience to get to work. All right, get to work. get out there. Thanks, everybody. Love you. Bye. Bye. Thanks.
Hi, this is Rudy Novotny, the voice of America's marathons. We all love how much running has benefited every aspect of our lives, so much so that most of us only wish we'd started sooner. Wouldn't it be wonderful to gift the opportunity to children of today? Well, you can. The Morning Mile is a before-school walking and running program that gives children a chance to start each day in an active way while enjoying fun, music, and friends.
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