Ep 12: The Wizard of Oz (Part 1)

Welcome to the film reroll, everyone. This is the show where we play through movies in RPG. What does that mean? Well, in a real movie, the writer decides what happens, whereas for us, it will be the players and the dice. Got it? Good.

So today we're gonna be playing the Wizard of Oz. Paolo coming real high with the list of you have any more dumbass questions? Off we go. Can we start now? Uh that there is Peter Strait. Hello, today I'm sick. He will be playing the Scarecrow. Uh John Miller will be playing the Tin Woodsman. Hi, Paolo. Andy Hoover will be playing The Cowardly Lion. I am thrilled to be here. Thanks for having me. And of course. Jocelyn Vammer will be playing Dorothy. Yes, hello. Nice voice, that's good.

You have to do the Judy Garland voice the entire that was Judy Garland like a couple decades later. That was Liza Vanelli. A couple of decades later she became Liza Vanelli. Well I think Liza Minnelli was pro wasn't Liza Minnelli created by like stem cell scrapings from Judy Garland's

Like, well, we don't really know how to cloning yet, but we got Liza Vanelli. We're making progress. So, Dorothy Gale runs across a drab Kansas landscape towards her farm. She's panic stricken after her dog Toto got himself into Miss Gulch's garden and she threatened to have Toto put down. Is Toto a backup character? He is indeed. Hell yeah. He's the backup character. I don't think anyone's dying in this movie.

I hope not. It's not that much danger. Um hello, I kill a witch and then I kill another witch. There's two witches that die. Yeah, but witches die with water. Or houses. Okay, fine. Well to be fair everyone dies from houses. Right? It's a common cause. If a house falls on you it doesn't matter if you're a witch everyone who has ever died has died from house. That's saying safest houses. That's what that's what It's ironic. So d so Dorothy's in trouble, you say. So Dorothy, you're running home.

What happens if she successfully avoids the twister? That's what we're talking about. Yeah, good luck successfully avoiding the twister. We'll have another very short episode. It is a magical twister, so I feel like the twister has a pretty She could always make it to the storm shelter. Are you questioning whether or not the twister is magical? Because transports her to Nar uh to Nar.

Best crossover ever. We gotta we gotta do that episode. Okay, so first of all, in the movie The Twister's not magical. In the books she gets Okay, I'm sorry, I don't accept. That ending. I'm in the Solomon Rushdie. I'm in the Solomon Rushdie cam. You best start believing in that ending because you're in one. Uh I reject. My brain just panic zoomed. So

I'm walking home back on track. You live in a big farmhouse, your Aunt M is there. Okay, good, I need to find Auntie M because Gulch is trying to take my dog. Auntie M, Auntie Mm fifty seven, fifty-eight. No, Auntie M, you don't understand. Mrs. Go to the case. Dorothy, please, we're trying to count. Oh you old bagoin, I'm gonna go find somebody else. Is this from the director's cut where Auntie Anne was played by Jimmy Stewart?

Yes, and that's true for every movie we do. It is, it is. All the ladies are played by Jimmy Stewart. Let's do rolls. Jimmy Stewart's eye. So uh you also encounter your family's farmhands. Excellent. Zeke. Hunk and Hank. It's Hank. Hunk? It's Hunk. It's Hank. Totally. It's gotta be Hank. I'm IMDBing this shit. There's no way it's hunk. Hunk! I swear it's hunk. You're still losing it. Uh okay. Yes.

Ray Bulger plays Hunk and the Scarecrow. I'm Hunk? I thought Hunk was the lion. No, Hunk is the Scarecrow, Zeke is the lion, and Hickory is the tin man. I mean Hickory. Wait, Hickory. Hickory. Yeah. That's my name. Who Okay, fine. Hick and honk. Hick and Hunk. It's like far tonk. Farm tongue. So uh I'm glad in this video. is the most conventional name. Hickory's not a f Alright.

We have to make them But I wanted on the record that I'm furious. Yeah, the three of them, they're working, they're hammering something. Hiya, Dorothy. She's trying to take my dog. Who's trying to take your dog, Dorothy? Gulch. Who's Gulch? She's the lady who owns like half the county. Which dog? Toto? I don't like that dog. I like that dog. You love Toto. Fine, let's go rescue your dog. I'm split on Toto.

Wait, no, she's not taking him yet. She's trying to take him. Well you're doing a pretty good job stopping her, it looks like. I d I ran away. Oh, all right. Yeah, you're fun. But she's coming down the road on her stupid bike. Well, go inside the house. Oh, okay.

I go inside the house. It's the frontier. If she comes in, you can shoot her. I don't think it's the fron Kansas is not the frontier. It's not the frontier. Kansas hasn't been the frontier for like a hundred years. No, I'm pretty sure it's the frontier. It's the frontier of the depression. Yeah.

Woof. Harsh. Harsh. We d we don't make it a real question is, does this movie take place in the year that it the movie was made or the year that the book was written? It's on the biggest thing. It's not explicit. The point is either way, Kansas is a wasteland with no civilization. I have decided that it is the third. Okay, do we not have any listeners in Kansas? Do we have listeners in Kansas? Fuck I know how many stars are I gonna flag right now?

Dear listeners in Kansas, did you know that if you rub two sticks together you can make fire? Dear Try it out. Dear Kansas. Kansas is a black and white wasteland. Dear Kansas Sepia, it's sepia. Paulo happens to be I was born in Kansas Allegedly. Allegedly.

So uh you go into the house and Auntie M's yelling at you, ah, stop distracting the farmhands. Why can't you go somewhere where there's when you don't make trouble? Go somewhere where there's a lot of things. I'm going to my room. Well Auntie M's a real shrew. Right? Where's my uncle? Oh my god That's just Jimmy Stewart with a head cold. Yeah, you didn't know that both the aunt and uncle were played by Jimmy Stewart? It was the Victor Victoria of its day.

It's not where I would have gone with that. I'm gonna take a career. It's no, see I'm suggesting that not only they played by the same person, they are the same person. That they're running a years long game on Dorothy. That she has an aunt and an uncle. When really it's just a transsexual hobo. It's just her. It's a psycho situation. Alright, so Dorothy, you're upstairs and you over here Ms. Gulch has come to the door and she's arguing loudly with your uncle.

Dorothy, well what has Dorothy done? What's she done? I I'm all but lame from the bite on my leg. You mean she bit you? No, her dog. Oh she bit her dog, eh? No! Comedy goes. We could just do the rest of the po podcast listening to Power. Would you like to narrate the rest of the movie? That dog's a menace to the community.

I got I there's nothing I could say that could say Dorothy, she's coming up the stairs to take away your dog. I ran away with Toto in my arms. On the road you meet a kindly old wizard who reminds you of the importance of family. Cut two, the sky is turning dark and menacing. Do you run home? Yeah. Okay. Because it's a tornado. The guy who is the wizard who actually well, quote unquote the wizard in real life.

is like you better get home with the tornado going and he's got a perfectly good spot they could hide in there but he's like no little girl run away and good luck he ran into some trouble in in Oklahoma He's not he's not allowed to Do that anymore. It's like okay, it's announced. You say five hundred feet away from a twister at all times. He's like knocking on doors. Sorry, ma'am, I uh I have to announce my presence. I'm a magician. No, we're living in the neighborhood.

So tornado rolls to hit you in the head. Tornado succeeds. Damn it. Roll dodge minus two. Wait, was I'm sorry, was the tornado deceptive attacking? Yeah. Where's my sneaky fucking tornadoes? That's why I don't want tornadoes in this country there. Where's my dodge minus two? Ocean. Oh shit. Oh my god. Wow. Wait.

What's my dodge? Where is it? I can't see it on this new sheet. Uh you didn't get it. Where is dye? Your dodge should be eight, I think. It should be it should be basic speed plus three. Oh that was close. So your basic speed five is something. So she gets it. She's minus two. Dang it. You wake up and you look out the window and there's all sorts of crazy shit flying by. There's cows and then there's like

Your family Mr Is this Twister? Miss Gold riding her bike which then turns into a crazy witch on a broom, Rolf Rightcheck. There's a crit success.

I was really hoping that at the beginning of this movie Dorothy would just shit her pants. Alright, so like in the movie, you ran back to the house but were too slow and they locked up the shelter. You went in the house and got knocked in the head by debris. The house was lifted by the tornado and dropped somewhere.

Now, film re-rule house rule. If we haven't yet gone off the rails, for critical events that happen in the movie but are completely out of the player's control, we roll for them and on a critical fail they don't happen. So we're rolling for the house, successfully landing on the wicked witch of the east. On a crit fail, you don't land on her. Anything but a crit fail.

Alright, perfectly average. We very averagedly fall down onto the different movie. We'd had two witches. We would have gone right off the rail. Glinda would have had to stab her with her wand. No, it lands on her it lands on her bottom half instead of her top half, so she's just like they're just dying grid skin and magic gloves, actually. Right, right. So you can see the human effect of what you've done. No we would have had a brilliant

moments with her sister. No, if you had Crip failed there, I would have fully had you not land on the Wicked of Witch of the East and we just would have had a new movie. Alright, well good thing we followed. Did you write a whole plot? I had the beginning of it. I can't write for this. You guys do shit I don't expect.

Right, you know what it means. So the house crashes down and you look out the window and suddenly outside is color. A thing you have never seen before. A thing your eyes Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I thought Dorothy could see color, we just couldn't see color. No, yeah. Hold on. Okay. Have you been to Kansas?

Yeah, you hear that Kansas? Fuck you. We love you, we do. Go fuck yourself. Find some pigments, you dumb idiots. So I should probably roll for fright check. Yeah, roll fright check for scene. Never mind, I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I can't like figure out how to articulate my objection to this, but something makes me just like viscerally oppose the idea that Dorothy's never seen color before because they shot the beginning in sepia.

Yeah, well maybe her eyes have not really evolved to be able to see color'cause she lives in a world without color. So it looks seeky to her. I used to assume that the technicolor was an analogy essentially, that can't is to odds. As Sepia is to Technicolor. So if our world is in regular color, Oz is in like

Hypercolor, I don't know. I mean, guess, if you wish, as to which one of us has gone to film school. None of us, but close. Close enough. John still can't tell the difference between theatre and film.

So you walk out. It's a magical land. Uh something something beyond your reckoning. Roll for reckoning. I'm a little dumbstruck. A greater power than yours has created a world beyond your fathoming. Where's Toto? You're in awe. She's he Toto's in your hands. Toto's in my hands? Yeah. Toto's a she? Is that Toto's a heat? Toto's a heat. Toto the male dog is in your hands.

To be fair, we don't know what you put it that way. We don't we don't know how Toto identifies. It's true. Okay, so I've got Toto in my hands and I I I guess I just I look what do I see when I look around specifically? The world is filled with Brightness and wonder. There are tiny houses and stone roads beneath your feet. There's plants everywhere in all sorts of colors. John just got a critical fail on his don't drop your dice roll.

What else do I see? Well, behind you, a glowing orb slowly descends from the sky. Holy shit, I'm rolling Fright Jack. Jocelyn loves rolling fried checks. Jocelyn just wants to be stunned wants to see the world burn. The glowing orb.

turns into a lady in a crazy dress. That's weird. As they do. Hi. You haven't been to those orbit? I'm Dorothy and this is Toto. Good witch! What a bad witch Uh uh this is a trick question. I'm not a witch. Well, is that the witch? Pointing to Toto. Uh no, this is a dog. You dumb bitch. Well, I'm a little muddled.

The munchkins called me on because a new witch has just dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East. The what? The Wicked Witch of the East! No, no, no, back up. The M-word. What did you say? Mm-hmm. I don't like that. I don't like that at all. Munchkins We had a specific pre-recording meeting about this. We don't call them by the M-word, we call them munchkins. Oh wow. I don't like this. Who decided to do this movie? This is the unhappiest I've been since Dig Boys.

Okay, so you have munchkins and witches and I'm not a bad witch, I'm just a girl and this is a dog and you said there was a bad witch that I kill? Yes, you dropped a house on the Wicked Witch of the East. There she is. I didn't mean to kill anyone. Well you did. So deal with it. What is it? If only you defied gravity. Wicked is not canon for this episode. Uh okay, I guess we should probably do that. We just lost five listeners.

Yeah we did. Uh should we bury her? I don't know. I just feel really bad. What's what is the corpse what does the corpse look like? Well all you can see is Socks with like super nice crazy shoes. So I didn't k I crushed her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a swift death. Oh gosh. I mean she's like seventy percent cremated already. Oh gosh. Glinda, your pink dressed accuser, who claims to be the good witch of the south, decides you're probably not a threat and invites the munchkins to come out.

Suddenly the pavilion you're standing in is flooded with small people in fancy, vaguely bavarian dress. They're overjoyed and thankful that you killed their evil overlord. They cheer you and give you like an award. What do they say? Is it set to music by any chance? Yeah, they do a rehearsed like dance that they had come up with just for this occasion. What's it out? What's it like? Just in just in case. Was it passed down through generations? Do they just have this on the shelf?

No, the wicked witch of the East was not there for generations. Well, like maybe So instead of like focusing on defense and like actually things to make their lives better, they focus on like the song if somebody else solves their problems for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you notice the song never has any specifics about Dorothy or how the witch was killed. Sorry, what what song is this? There's this they do a little number, it's like Ding dong witch is dead which is We represent

The lollipop ga the lollipop ga the lollipop give kills. That's right, those lilipops. That's everywhere. What does the lollipop guild lollipops? Come on, do you think together? No, no, no. Well they make them it they're all they're all over the channel distribution, was my understanding of it. It's like lollipops. Lollipops is the main food stuff. So what's the lollipops? Production distribution sales. Yeah, what does the lullaby league do? That's my question.

Uh indoctrination. It's a public private arts uh initiative. Um so they're super happy. They're I'm over I'm overloaded. They're my lift center is maxed out. I can't even it's too much. I was having a great one. No, it was it was fantastic. I just like I was like, make a joke, too many topics, d lullaby. Union Does not I just completely melted down. So they sing to you, they you know have a ceremony. It takes hours. Hours? Yeah. Alright. Oh my god.

Yeah, it's a carriage ride. How does how does Glinda take all this? Is she just sort of like

She's just kinda like smirkin. Yeah. She like doesn't interact with Oh, I don't like that. Yeah. Smirkin. Suddenly, out of nowhere, fire and brimstone comes from the sky as a um woman. in black robes and a long pointed hat with sickly green skin and a sneer on her face, appears as if by magic and says, Who killed my sister? Who killed the wicked witch of the East? Was it you? Leave her alone! Uh I You stay out of this. Didn't I j accidentally just dropped the house?

Is this movie the origin of the witch hat? No. That's a good question though. But I mean like the like the why green point. And the like melting with water. And the melting with water. I mean Frangel Baum is melting with water. I'm realizing that I can't think of

Of like a specific appearance of that exact witch hat. I think I've seen like wood cuts and stuff. Oh yeah, yeah, no. Pointed hats like that are uh with the crazy ass brim. I think she's she's the first one to wear it really well, I think. Yeah, yeah. Who wore it? Who wore it best. Guys, let's get a brand deal with Bravo. Didn't mean it, eh?

Accident, eh? Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents too. Okay. Until forget- Once I burn down my sister's bar for the insurance money! Aren't you forgetting the ruby slippers? The slippers! Yes, the slippers! Those look more like shoes. Alright. Yeah, the shoes it's a translation issue. Alright, Giorgio. They're Shoes, slippers, doesn't matter. The uh Jocelyn knows fashion. Who wore it back?

Where where are the slippers right now? The so-called slippers. So the slippers are on the dead ladies' feet. When the It seems like next of Kin should be able to claim those right now. Dorothy don't give a fuck about inheritance laws. It's very different. Well, she's some dumb idiot girl from Kansas. They don't have education out there. Well in the movie, Glinda teleports them onto Dorothy's feet.

Uh clear. Wait, what? Oh no. So we're not going to do it. We're about to do this. Okay, I'm excited. I'm excited to see how this goes. So the I've always wondered about this. What do I do? The wicked witch of the West goes for the shoes that are on her sister's feet when they disappear. And suddenly they're on Dorothy's feet. Oh

The ruby slippers! What have you done with them? Give them back to me, Ural! It's too late! There they are! And there they'll stay! I'm the only one who kn oh! I'm the only one who knows how to use them! So all witches look the same to you, Paolo, huh? Is that it? So if

She's the only one who knows how to use them. They have a power then that's not specified because Belinda knows how to use them and they send Dorothy home. Where were they gonna send the wicked witch? No, I think they have a more general power.

Oh, including apparently the ability to be unable to be taken by force. You have to be given freely or another. Now that you're wearing them, I will tell you that they will give you a plus two to every roll you make. Holy shit. Well I'm keeping these I don't care that a dead woman wore'em, I'm keeping them. And they have to breathe them. They have We played our D D campaign for five years, and I never got a piece of gear that good.

No could you imagine what you would have been like had I given you a piece of gear that good, Peter? Oh yeah, I would've burned the world. Wait, so Paulo, you uh you said earlier that it's debatable whether or not Glinda teleports the slippers. Yeah. So you're suggesting that it's possible What is the other mechanism for slipper training? The slippers chose their next Yes. Dorothy killed the wicked witch of the East. They went.

So you think it's like a trial by combat? Oh wow. Well so I'm not saying what I think. There is an answer for this game. You guys don't know it. I have made my choice.

They're all it's unclear in the movie. Did they teleport to the bird those are some fucked up slippers. Does anyone remember what slippers that look like that? The book is very different. So Glinda tells you how. Keep tight inside of them. Their magic must be very powerful, or she wouldn't want them so badly.

You stay out of this, Glinda, or I'll fix you as well. Wait, is Glinda pretending she doesn't know what the slippers do? Yeah, she's d she's been smirking. Anyone that smirks smoke shit. She's real shifty. She's real shifty. I don't trust any of these witches. Wow. Be gone, before somebody drops a house on you too. Oh, that you're talking to me. Very well. I'll bide my time, and as for you, my fine lady.

Just trying to stay out of my way. Just try. I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too. What can my dog do to you? As much person. Is the Well, I guess that's Use your words, Peter. Well, I'm wondering if the twister is conjured by anyone in particular or if it's just a thing that happens. If Glenda conjured it?

Well,'cause she's like make sure I'm wondering if this was an assassination. That's what I'm asking. She said, you know, watch out if the house drops on this. Wow, this is some you're getting drawn to some real politic right here. Uh I don't know. Mm-hmm.

Sickens me. So Dorothy. Mm-hmm. The Witch of the West disappears in a fireball and the terrified citizenry starts to creep back out. Glinda wants to know what you plan to do next. I just want to go home. Oh. Well Tough shit. The wicked witch of the West is a powerful enemy. The sooner you get out of Ozar together, the safer you'll sleep, my dear. Mm-hmm.

Uh I can't help you. We don't have a good wish to help. Oh my god, Glinda's trying to get rid of the witness. The only person who might know might be the great and powerful wizard of oars himself. Perfect. Where is he? He lives in the Emerald City. That's a long journey from here. Did you bring your broomstick with you? My what? Your broomstick. Why would I have a broomstick?

And not a broom. Whoa. Whoa. I was about to come with some shit about like how Dorothy needs to do her chores, but she just I Johnson just blew my goddamn mind. Uh no, I none of the above. I don't have a broom or a broomstick. I mean, wait, wait. There's a house right there. You're telling me you don't know where the cleaning cap closet is? No no no, sorry I I I can a can a broomstick be without a broom? There are no bristles.

stick not a broomstick to sort of be a broomstick. No, it's a few. The broomstick is definitely a particular kind of stick in design. Yeah, I think the kind of stick it is with a broom. The flying part is the stick. The broom is just for like aerodynamics and we file this under broomstick? For steering. Alright.

Enough of this. She tells you that you need to follow the uh yellow brick road, which starts in this town in a swirly pattern. Is that that stupid spiral thing at my feet? It just like goes in circles. No. All of the munchkins just go. Please don't make fun of munchkin architecture, they're very sensitive. Sorry, it's cute. You see a couple people pull tiny pitchforks out from behind their back? This is a city, they're not farmers.

What is this, Kansas? Yeah, you dumb idiots with your pitchforks. Um so she tells you to follow. Let's do our first live show in Kansas. We should. They're wonderful people. They're wonderful people. Great. We have a university. It's great. So do you walk down do you you're gonna follow the yellow brick road? I need to get home, I want to get to the wizards. Railroad much, Paolo? Are there other colours of brick road?

There's a there's a red brick road going some other direction. Wait, is that true? Yeah. Wait, Glenda, where's the red brick road going? That goes not Towards the Emerald City. Don't let this witch bitch railroad her didn't ask where it didn't go. It will lead you to the town of Civ to the north. But you wanna go to Civ? Glinda's facade is beginning to crack and we can see what she really is. Glinda's facade and also Paolo's.

I spent a lot of time preparing this game and this episode, and you're gonna fuck with me on the golden bread road? God damn it! There's just no faster way home, it's just the yellow. Yes, this one goes straight there. What else do you want? Alright, alright, I'll be back. So the blue brick road runs express, but not on the weekends. And it's Saturday, so Do you not have the concept of multiple roads in Kansas? Have you been to Kansas, Gilda? It's basically just the one road. Fair enough.

Alright, I'm going. Yeah, that can't us. As you start to walk down the the yellow brick road, all the munchkins keep repeating, Follow the yellow brick road Follow the yellow brick road Follow it you know. Which they do all the way down to like till the outskirts of town. They're just people popping out and then in the suburbs. Can you download Can you download the munchkin voice for your GPS unit? Except every direction is just follow

Yeah, no, left or right. Is the is the on-ramp. Follow the right round. No, goddammit. I spent seventy dollars on this. So um you occasionally pick up colorful hitchhikers? Steer Garmin, we've just given you a great new idea. Roll hiking. What? Hiking? I'm skipping first of all. Does she have dancing? It's just a road. Well it's a long way it's a long way. She gets noticeable. Hiking hiking is the ability to move long distance.

Okay. You make it okay? Yeah. She's wearing sensible shoes. I am. And she does get it. With the plus two for the shoes. So you've arrived at the Emerald City. No, so you come to a crossroads. Like emotionally or like sort of yeah. So are there any clues? The road literally divides you. Wait, the yellow bit road divides? It comes to a T. And they're all yellow. So those munchkins didn't know shit. Yeah, not great at giving directions to the munchkins.

I didn't think I had to oh yeah, and take uh when you come to a tea. Oh I did not remember that Yellow Big Road had Well, as it happens, this is where we meet the scarecrow, who is now a scarecrow, in a cornfield in front of the tea, where she is deciding which way she has to turn, left or right. Hello, little girl. Oh hot. What? How are you doing? Good pantomime, Peter. Whoa. Very creepy. I'm big on the act after. The scarecrow just talked. Do I need to roll a fright check?

No. Damn. I feel like the longer you're in Oz, the more fuck it. Great, talking scared of us now. It'd be scary if he didn't talk. What's up next? A talking tin man? A lion? Who's afraid of everything? Well Those are some very spoiled guesses. That's really specific. What do you have intuition? No. Did you read my notes? So Mr. Scarecrow, I don't I am supposed to be going to Oz. Which way is Oz?

Do I know which way Oz is? You're in Oz. You're in Oz. Oh yeah, I should Well, Oz is all around you, my dear. Then then I need to find the wizard specifically within Oz. Well the wizard, the wiz. What business do you have with the wizard? He's a very important man I hear. I don't hear much, but sometimes the crows tell me things. Oh, uh the crows? Okay. Um I just need to get home. Pretty much the only people I meet are the crows.

Well, you must be bad at your job. Well, I have to yell at them to scare them away. We have a congenialist ship. It's like in the Looney Two cartoons with the the dog and the wolf and hello Sam, well Fred. Oh yeah. I I gave him animal handling crows. It's not very good, but he has it. Emerald City, left or right, do I know? Roll area knowledge. Well I know it's just munchkin country, but I'll do my best.

Success. I know the entire route from here to the Emerald City. Oh, that's pretty easy. Yeah, you follow the Olympic Road. Except it turns out the Olympic Road has some detours in it. It's like Where does right go? Right goes out towards the desert. What? Why would the munch I Okay. I'm having some feelings right now. They're assholes. We're like, I actually am upset with

fictional characters to the point where I want to confront them somehow. Why would they say that? If you only had a brain. Also, the desert in Oz is fucking horrible. Follow the yellow crowd. So we're gonna go left. Uh who's left?

Oh shit, your left or my left? Who said that? Is there a fucking munchkin around here? Munchkin farmer. Like, yeah, follow the Alaric round. Which way? He knows he already knows. Steve, I'm working here. Steve. Steve. There's time for everything. Steve. Uh so your left or my left? Why don't you take me down from this? Post and I'll show you.

I have no strength. There's no way I c my basic lift is like sixteen pounds. I can't get you down from here. I'm made of straw. I'm just I'm just a scarecrow. I'm made of straw. You can lift me off easily. I can't do it myself. So I go around and I I'm looking at how to lift him off and I'm like, why don't you just stand on my shoulders?

And just climb down. Okay, that seems slightly more complicated than necessary, but alright. Well you're above you're like above me. Fine, fine, fine. I said all right. Peter rolled deck. What is the scarecrow's voice, by the way? I just started doing something. It's perfect. Failure by one. Alright, you fall on your face. Oh, that's fine. Sorry. I'm made of straw. It doesn't hurt me a bit. You don't take any damage. Well, that's what's nice about being a scarecrow. No uh

No bones, no no bruisable things to break, no no no brain or anything. I do wish I had a brain. The the rest I could do without it. Why if the wizard would give you one? You think he really would do that? Yeah. I'm very gullible. So, it's on my shit. You don't say little girl I've never met before whose name I don't even know. I will I'm Dorothy. Oh, I'm the Scarecrow. That's the original name. Well, you know, when you spend your time out of that field, not a lot of people come out to, you know,

imbue you with a specific identity. So that's what the crows call you. Mostly you just scare crows. They You stop scaring us. We're crows. And I'm like, oh that sounds alright to me. Scare a crow. Yes, I'm Why isn't it? Scare a crow. You know what? I'll try it out. Alright. Hi Dorothy, I'm the scaracrow. I like it. Let's try it out. I mean I'm not gonna scarecrow. I'm not going to commit to it, but we'll try it out and see how it goes.

No, I don't like that. No, but it doesn't roll off the tongue. No. Alright. Are you g you guys are gonna take a left? I'm sorry. We're over here building a relationship. Yeah. Alright, so off we go to see. You promise to take me with you? Of course. Let's go. I need a traveling companion. Toto doesn't talk. I need a brain. Oh, Toto, hello. Let's go. You walk down the road. We're off to see that guy who will give us all the things that we want. Yes.

Possibly. Santa. Sounds very convenient. Santa? Who's Santa? Oh never mind. Dorothy roll hiking. Oh, again?

Bye-bye. Totally. Dorothy and Scaracrow come to the edge of a forest. It was a forest. A lot of apple trees where you still are, it's not that heavily. I love apples. Can I have one? Will you help me get them down? Well sure. No, the red things. Those little red things you can smoke. Why don't I draw about apples? Yeah. An orchard? You look like a cornfield. You used to work in an orchard. I gave you farming. You know about farming things. You haven't stood at that same post your whole life.

The little red things, I want one because they're really delicious. Oh you mean apples? I know all about apples. Oh great. I'll be happy to pick you some apples. Thank you. Well, as you start to try, the tree says to you, What do you think you're doing? Whoa. Oh I'm I'm sorry to bother you, Mr Tree. I I talks too. My friend and I are on the on our way to see the wizard and uh Well how would you like to have someone come along and pick something off of you?

Well, you know, crows do that from time to time, and I have to admit it is somewhat galling, but you know, you take these things in stride. That's fair, yeah. I would you mind giving us some apples? Um I do apologize for not asking permission beforehand. I I must tell you I'm not too bright. All right, all right. You can have a couple of apples. Oh, thank you, thank you. Just just a couple. That's all we need. I need looks for babies.

What wait, what? Oh sure, sure, sure seeds, sure. Oh I didn't know about farming. I gotcha. Would you like the seeds back? If you wouldn't mind just just putting'em in the ground somewhere. No problem. Well you were planning on eating the whole apple. No. I can't eat the seeds. Okay, well. It hurts. Dorothy has an extreme sensitivity to cyanide. Alright, roll perception. Uh. If you just don't notice me, is that

Uh failure by one. Dorothy, roll perception. Okay. Oh my god, oh my god. Oh my god, what happens if you're a skip job. Oh no, I got it. Damn it! I got it.

You notice there's a tin wood man. A tin man. What? A tin man with an axe. And he's doing that. He's talking. What do we do? Uh Well perhaps you need speech therapy. I don't know. For whose sake? I don't know I don't know who that is. I tried to hold on his arm. Okay, he's he's stuck solid. He can't move. Oh. Okay. Or can What? Dumb You said there's an oil can in the ditch. It's on a skull right there. Oil can. Kick a crow's not helping all oil can. I'm sorry. I am dumbstruck. Yeah.

We have to oil him. Sh uh shit, I'm gonna go get the oil Are we sure this is the kind of guy that we want on our expedition? I don't know. He seems quite impolite. Please stick here a long time. Well I hate to be in pain. I don't feel good about leaving him here. Let's go. I hate to leave someone in pain, even an obvious ass I know, so vlug vlug vlug, I pour oil all over him. Alright.

Hold on, you don't drink the oil, do you? No, but I do I do move it around my start making that noise. It's an audio podcast. Thank you. I think that sound lost us five listeners. I've been we gotta have that awesome tree sex though. Yeah. Thank you so much. I've been stuck like that for ages. Why?

Well, I got stuck out in the rain and I rusted real quick. Oh, I do hate the rain. It makes me very soggy. Yeah, and then fungus will grow up in there. It just makes my hair really curly. Fungus? No. Rain Would you like to have hair? I like it. I can braid it and shrimp it. Should I ask the wizard for hair instead? You can ask the wizard for whatever you want. Wait a minute. Did I always hear that you're going to see the wizard? We're going to see the wizard. Why are you going to see the wizard?

To get home. To get brains. To get brains. He seems to have some sort of malfunction where he repeats everything we say. Is that something that tin men do? I've never met one before. I don't know. Not generally, no, but I'm so shocked at hearing this wonderful news. He stopped now. Okay. I think we're fine. I think you're fine too. Is this some sort of advanced stutter? Speech therapy still might be the right idea here. I guess.

I'm just so shocked to find that your goals are so closely aligned to my own. You see You also wanna go to the wizard? Well, I need a body part that I'm missing. Oh gosh. It's my heart. I flush! Dorothy blushes and turns away. That's a somewhat gruesome way of phrasing that. Why don't you have a heart? Well, you see, once upon a time

Is this a story? No, it's too long a story. Okay, great, great, great. Suffice to say You know, without a brain might seem some shit. Well this is Scarecrow, I'm Dorothy. Pleasure to meet you Scarecrow, I'm Dorothy. And you, Toto. So which way is the wizard? Uh Scarecrow seems to know everything. Well, I do know quite a bit about this yellow big road, and I believe we should follow it.

Oh yeah. Are you oiled enough to skip? It seems to be how she prefers to do things. Let me rub my legs down a little bit more, but I should be able to join you. I'll I'll leave.

What is What the fuck? Well, I don't care for that. The witch pops out on the Tin Man's roof. Smoke, fire, smell of brains. Is that your house? Yeah, I got a little shack. Is that house? Yeah, you're right by his house. Oh, I didn't hear that it was a house. Well that's a little overgrown now. I didn't roll well in my perception. Well I was a tornado, why didn't you go with me? Sounds like maybe we should all be asking for brains. I uh I was very into my chopping and I just

Didn't. You're not having this conversation. The witch just popped out. Oh. Helping the little lady along, are you, my fine gentleman? Who is this? Yeah, I'm with him. We don't know her. I know her. I don't know. I just met I just met these guys. You really do need a host. I was asleep and all of a sudden I woke up here. I'll get you my pretty you know, this scene happens. The she f Woa

Wow. Wow. I have never seen anyone lose conviction in their mission that abruptly and completely. Wow. Alright, but You stay with me. Oh no, that's still again. I'll use you for a beehive! That's not polite at all. Yeah, Scarecrow, you oughta played ball! And she shoots a fireball at him. He hides from me now. Oh, I need to dodge. Hold on. No, no, I jump in front of him. Okay? Yeah. Oh. Roll. Oh my. To jump?

Dodge. Presumably. Yeah, it's a That's a big that's a big hit. That's a crit success. Oh wow. I take it right up to the bottom. You send the fireball back at her. Yeah, the fireball bounces. Yes, it does. Yeah, it bounces back at her. That's what that's the way tin men works. For our listeners, if we have listeners who actively play role-playing games in their own lives, don't expect your DM to give in as easily as Paolo does.

He likes us and entertainment is the goal. Well it was a crit success. I think it's a lot. It was a crit success. Indeed it was. Yeah, it bounces back towards her. It doesn't hit her, but she's uh flustered and thrown off her game. What now? Witch Okay. Tinman needs to Ah, you done done it now. I'm gonna get you too. Technically speaking, you did it.

I'm gonna melt you down and sell ya for parts! Whoa! I don't know if that's melting the buttons. I hope you do get that heart because I'm gonna eat it. Oh Jesus. Oh wow. That's weird. It is weird. I mean I grabbed Toto and cover his ears. Couldn't you just find a different heart and eat it? I mean if if I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I don't know your name properly. Wicked, is that can I call you Wicked? I don't know how you think it works. But Alphaba, that's actually a lovely name.

But I feel compelled to mention that if and when I get a heart it will likely be made of tin. Alphaba that reminds me of someone I knew in a non-canon source. Also, if you melt someone I was very close to. Wicked is not canon. Well, if you melt him down, he doesn't have a heart. He's just a pile of metal. Also, it's hard to sell someone for parts of the street. A heap of slag. Yeah, a heap of slag. No reason to call names.

Alright, she leaves. Wait, seriously? She got really frustrated with this too. Oh my god. We didn't even roll. We have just discovered the wicked witch's greatest weakness. Riffing. With no obvious payoff. Banter. Mid-level banter. Roll for banter. No, but if we roll too high or too low, it'll be too interesting and she'll stay. We have to roll a seven to nine on banter. He's like, This is a fine podcast, but there's better and if I wanted to listen to a disaster, there's worse, so

Alright, so do you guys uh keep going? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Well, Dorothy We Nope what's the damage to my roof like? Your h house is maybe catching on fire right now. Is there anything I can do about this? I hear the real estate market is great in the Emerald City. Do they have uh I didn't actually hear that. I just wanted to be helpful. I stood on a field all day, I'm sorry. Wait! Wait? Do you know how much of my equity is tied up in this house? No, that's not what I'm waiting for. That's it.

Wait, wait, sir. Wait, Dorothy. I think we have a brief conversation about who that was. Who wegwise? The The Green Woman Who showed up on my roof and now it's my house is on fire. Are you doing that? I have negative two points of pyrophobia, so maybe we should talk about the woman that threw fire at me. She's a witch. Oh. You know her.

Then why I don't know her. She doesn't like me. How would you get in trouble with a witch? My house fell on her sister? I'm thinking, Dorothy, that you're not the safest person to know right now. Well, no, no, no, no, no. She's already proof that she can kill a witch. She's done it once before. Wait. And now we are all on this witch's radar, whether we like it or not. So in fact, I think the smartest thing for us to do.

Off the kills the witches because they already know all our names Alright so uh roll hiking anyone who is Not indefatigable role high. What was that? Indefatigable role. Oh, okay. It's just her. It's me. Oh no. I didn't make that. Oh Christ, keep up. Sorry. You are starting to tire. Damn it. You are now at the heart of the forest. Okay, so I'm giving you that whole thing that like he had a heart all along? I'm feeling that might not be canon the way that John is RPing the tin woodsman.

Now for you. I did take a fireball for you. Well maybe he just has a heart for other men, because he's being real mean.

So the lion, you see these three people coming into your territory. Oh gosh. Oh I don't care for that at all. Tin Man, can you do your reflective thing again? Against growls. I look at Toto and Toto's okay. Yeah, Toto's Okay, he seems okay. Toto's actually the wizard. Why did that keep happening? I got my axe up.

Uh perception to see where that noise is coming from. Oh, I don't know where that noise is coming from at all. But I do. It's coming from him. He's on the road. He's in front of the front of my burr. Why not I Sr'cause I got jurisdiction here. Maybe maybe a certain GM should have told us there's a line in the road. I run behind both of the scarecrow. Nobody gets further on the yellow brick road not without my permission. Well can we have your permission? Can we have your permission? What

Uh what's your business on the Elbert Road? We're going to the Emerald City to see the wizard. Yeah. The wizard? Yes. The Wizard of Oz? Yes. Is there more than one? The very same. What's your business with the wizard? I want to go home. I want a brain. I need a heart. Fine, I need a brain. Alright, mister One Ups. Do you think

Do you think the wizard could help me too? With what? I hear the wizard can help anybody. I didn't know the wizard just went and saw people like that. The good witch told me that the wizard helps everyone. This girl knows many witches. Oh. Oh oh she killed a witch too. Accident. None of my house did. You're a killer. No uh

I I go to hide behind a tree. I don't want to do anything. Kee keep walking if you want to keep walking. Keep going. I I don't want to deal with this. You've scared the poor beast. Are you is that what happened? Are you all right, buddy? No, I I I I have a I have a personal problem. Please, please, Mr. Lyon, are are you a witch? No, oh no, I'm a Well then I believe you have nothing to fear. You've only killed witches for you.

So far. As far as I know So far mean to my Yes, no one's discussing intentions, only verified mortality. My house has killed people too. Oh. My house is the forest, just. There's plenty to be scared of in the force, and I'm scared all the time. I I I don't actually have

Well that's sort of a more nebulous concept than getting home and getting a brain and getting a heart. Well, I I also don't have a spleen, but it's not a related thing. It's not about it. Getting home, I mean who's to say where home is? I believe home is where the heart is, so you would have no home. I just say Wells and burned down, so you also need a home. I also need a home. Holy sh

I've dreamt a long time about going to the wizard and having him solve all my problems, but I was too scared to go alone. But Well you can go with us. I can Yes Oh that's This man can deflect fireballs. She's killed a witch. I know crows. What kind of crows? Smart crows, funny crows, I can deal with that. That's alright. I can deal with that. I can tell crows, lippy crows. Even crows with chicken pox. Chickenpox.

Ah none of that none of that you're not infected are ya? Did you get it as a kid? Put him up, put him up! I was never a kid, I was only ever a scarecrow. Is that true? Scarecrow? Yeah, I was never a kid. You're not cursed or anything? How could that be that he was a kid? You're not built as a scarecrow? Yes. Yeah. Who built you? The farmer. And you came alive? It's a magical world. He's a talking lion. It's a magical world. Talking lions happen all the time. That's a natural phenomenon.

True. I was a guy who got turned into tin. You telling me somebody got a sock, put some straw in it, and it's alive now? Well, that seems ruder than is necessary. That is That's racist. That is Why? That is strawish. Hello, Toto. Does he bite? What? Uh, witches.

I want him very kept far away from me. I don't know. All right, thank you. Also, perhaps do not begin studying witchcraft. I d way ahead of you. Way not not an issue. Not a problem. Great, so we're all gonna go see the wizard? I think that that sounds terrific. Ooh. I'm fine, I'm fine. Uh failure. No No success on the button. Okay.

You come to the edge of the forest and it opens out onto a field of poppies. I love the power. The road is actually totally covered over by poppies. It's actually very they're going up through the road. Do I see any crows? It's safe. I'm running out of the hobbies. I'm gonna get some shit. I'm covering my eyes. This is this is

Terrifying. Can we see the city from here? You can see it in the distance. So let's just head straight toward the sim city. I feel like we should follow the road. How many poppies do I have by now? You're picking poppies? Yeah. You are starting to get Awful sleepy. Oh, that's not good.

Have I eaten recently? I give her an apple. Thank you. I eat the apple. Uh yes, I am. You're starting to get sleepy. I know, it's terrifying. Uh okay Am I resistant to this sort of thing? Yeah. If you've got resist poison you're not feeling anything. That's me. I sure do. There's the city, let's go that way. Come on, you uh fallible meat creatures. So come on, wake up. Not resist poison, roll health minus two. That is a failure by

You fall asleep. Alright. I grab a lion and shake him. Oh, Dorothy stays awake. Dorothy is sleepy, but she uh She's carrying on. What does it with me failing these roles? I uh I I I shake the lion and try and help pick him up. Well perhaps we should just carry the lion. How much does the lion weigh? It's three hundred and fifty pounds. What?

King of the jokes. Is he made of lead? No, he's a lion. I'm concerned about Toto. Toto is asleep. Okay. He's a man in a lion suit. No, he's a lion. But it's a dream, so So he's nothing. Oh shit, so he's very easy to carry then. He's a broomstick. But what is a broomstick? That's the question. Alright, so what do you think? Dorothy's not sleepy, but she is high as broomstick. She's just giggling to herself. She is I well I would like to try and carry the lion. You wanna help me?

Yeah, let's do it. Alright, so I've got strength twelve. I got strength eight. That's almost twelve. So you what you do is you add your basic lift to mine. We l do the two of us together act like we're strength thirteen. Well, maybe Dorothy could help. I'm high as Shit. Yes, you can still carry those. Uh what's your basic lift? Where is it?

Uh sixteen pounds. Oh yeah. You're stronger than the screwcrow is. Really? Yeah. I would hope so. You have muscles. So yeah, so so you I think you with the three of us working together we work like we're combined strength, fourteen if I'm doing it. Can we carry the lion? Yeah, I think we can. After extra heavy for fourteen for strength fourteen, I bet we can. So you guys manage Stumbling along to carry him.

All the way to have to see the wizard. Mr. Lion, let me tell you so far your contribution to this party has been extraordinary. So now you are outside of the poppy field. Health check to wake up. Um I wake up. Alright, you got through the poppy field guys. And you didn't need to randomly shout help and have it snow, which was the weirdest part of the movie. Good. Glad we erased that bit. Do I still have a bouquet of poppies?

Uh wait, I have weather sense. I had to put it down to lift him. Hope not, yeah. You you Is Toto awake? Toto's in her basket. Yeah, Toto has been asleep in your basket. Puppies are allowed to sleep. But I check on him and he's okay. Toto! No no, let him sleep, huh? Oh, I have uh I have animal I have animal empathy. He's having a running job. It's a dog. Non in the Cafat. Non-indefatigable people. You could just say fatigable. Fat people. Roll uh hiking. I'm not sure. Success.

No, I missed it by one. Okay. You know what would help you stay not fat? Prescription drugs.

You won't experience fatigue at all. Somewhere over the road. So you guys make it to the Emerald City. God damn. Beautiful made of literal emeralds. This city's too big and green. There's a door in the Well that's fine, as long as you know your neighbors, any big city can be smaller. How they would drug them till like get them going and then drug them to get them to sleep and then drug them to get them going again.

What are you talking about? This movie was so intense for them to film that Judy Garland talks about how they would drug her to keep her going all day for like crazy lengths of time. They'd drug them so they'd go to sleep immediately for like four or five hours, then they would wake them up and drug them to get them up again. So it was like Caffeine sleeping process.

She said it in an interview. Yes, but was she on drugs during that interview? Fair question. Look, much love to Judy Garland, but I'm gonna need a second source. Other than Judy Garland herself? Yes. Holy shit. Have you it's Judy Her whole deal is that alright. One more restart. One more. I'm just saying It's Judy Garland, she had a rough time. Guys you made it to the Emerald City.

Yeah. Let's go home then before this gets too real. No, no, we've gotta go get that courage. Made it to the wizard. Well, no, we know you're at the door of the city. Someone should knock. Right knock with my axe. Fait it to the window. The back door of the city.

A guy opens a little porthole and says, What's your business? We're here to see the wizard. Here to see the wizard. Nobody sees the wizard. Well we're going to I have an appointment. Do you? Check your schedule, please. Um Glinda the Goodwitch made it for me? Glinda the Goodwitch? Yes. Oh, well why didn't you say so? Come on in. Thank you. Oh you open the drop. Right? Yeah, wow.

So you in and it's the Emerald City. It's beautiful and you are attended to. Each of you gets your own specialized manicure set and like I feel like makeover. Do I get buff? I feel like it's it's too bright in this city. Can they dye my eyes to match my gown? Yeah. You know what I'm really afraid of? That I'll get used to this. What's the deal? Don't we get emerald glasses? You're getting restocked.

No, that's the book. No, that's the book. That's the book. Yeah, you get stuck. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god, I've never liked anything less in my life than what just happened. Peter, for all of you that can't see, just cringed and curled into his chair and is now trying to get as far away from John as possible.

I'm just saying what we're all thinking. You know what I'll pass on the uh restuffing. On the stuffing? Yeah. I'm I'm good. I'm I couldn't have another bite. Try it, you might like it. I um I'm fine, I'm fine. So the Tinman is here to get a filter, right? That's what I think the Tinman is here to get some sensitivity training. He's heartless in the way like Ricky Gervais is heartless. The Tinman is here to check his privilege.

Uh so you go through all this rigmarole and they sing for a while. Uh what do they sing? No, they've got us on the back pocket just waiting for a foursome of the thing. They have a like scarecrow restuffing chair right next to a metal buffing table. So you don't want to get stuffed? I um No, it seems too good to be true. Yeah, there's something creepy about that. It seems too ready for you. Yeah, I don't I don't like Well Glenda made an appointment.

It's a little little adjustment bureau for my tastes. Actually you know what? I'm gullible. Yeah, restuff the shit out of me. This all seems fine. Having done all that

Stuff. You go to the actual entrance to the wizard's chambers, and the same doorman who let you in looks apologetic and he says, I'm afraid. Sees nobody. You'll have to leave. Then why didn't they tell us that at the gates of the city?

Start crying. Oh, okay. And telling them that I wish I w I could go home and I don't I mean I love all my friends but I don't like it here and I wanna see my auntie and my Please, please sir. And I just This little girl is crying wants to go home. And also Other miscellaneous desires. Yeah, he he empathizes and decides to holds like a house of cards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's very weak willed. He has will fire. House of cards don't really fold.

So much. Okay, flutter. This is melting them down and selling for scraps all over again. So cheap rugs does. So um so yeah, you guys are let in. There's a long hallway. Great. Do we need to go on hiking? Cowardly lion. I am scared out of my mind. Cowardly Lion is terrified. Lion, lion, it's gonna be fine. It's just a hallway. Don't worry. Hallways are just like roads with walls. I put my paw over my eye. Do we call you Lion or Cowardly? We call you I answered anything.

I'm afraid I'm afraid to offend anyone. We call him Lion because we're not assholes, Tin Man. Well Oh, so we all look alike to you? We all'cause I cowardly is sort of how I you know see myself. If it's how he self identifies, then I feel like we should be respectful of his wishes. I feel like you're projecting your fears onto me. Oh. That's a major breakthrough for me. Yeah.

Take my hand, let's go down this hallway. Alright, alright, I take his hand. I like Scarecrow. Take my whole life. I like scare sc or is it Scarecrow? Scarecrow. Scarecrow. Scarecrow. You make it down the end of the hallway. One second. Thank God.

Really thought we might not brave this hardware. Somebody have checked for traps? Ind Indy? Indy? I am R the great and powerful Fire and smoke, a big green room and a floating head. Oh it's a the great and terrible Oz. I can't even this is my I can't say a damn thing though. I succeed on my fret check. Oh okay. Uh oh great. Wizard of Oz.

We have a few favors I know who you are and I know what you seek. Great can we so can we uh I will grant you your favours. Oh thank you. If Well, I don't know if that word. Conjunctions are a real bitch. Prove your worthiness by bringing me the broomstick. Of the wicked witch of the West. Clarification. Do you want the stick or the whole broom? As long as the stick's there, I'll take the re the broom part. That that's fine. That's a bonus. Do we get more if we bring the whole broom? Hey.

Let's just bring him A stick. That's a great idea. I can hear you Shits. I can tell the any stick from that stick. Okay. How? It's true, he has uh area knowledge sticks. I am the great and powerful wizard of stick. All knowing, all seeing, all sticking. If point of interest, Mr. Oz Wizard, sir, and I don't mean to Ozcomma Wizard of. Ozcomma wizard of, comma, sir.

I don't don't want you to take this the wrong way, but if you're so powerful Whoa uh I I I think what my uh friend here is trying to say Is uh you seem great. I guess that was my next point. Like a running after lion. Alright. I guess we're I I'm a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wizard. Sorry. I emphatically push the tin man out of this room. All I'm saying is something doesn't check out.

Do I catch the lion before? I'll wait in the antechamber there. Oh. I think we should cut our losses here. Okay. This is this is just too much for me to do that. No, we've c I'm I'm I feel we've come too far. You know For so long I spent my life

on that pole, guarding that field and scaring crows, and for a while that was my whole life. But now I've seen too much. I've seen the city and the forest, and maybe these friends. I've come too far to go back now. I would never be happy just being in a field I think we need to get this broomstick and get what we came from. For

Ooh, so close. So fucking close You can't win. To the only time I've ever RP'd a decent speech. No, did no one see what I did there? The whiz? You can't win? Nope, nope, sorry, don't know the whiz. I'm afraid of musical theaters. Hope there's some musical theater nerds out there that were listening. Also, we're all they left when I said wicked is not canon. Yeah, they did. We're tremendously wise. Doesn't mean you can't know the whiz.

Do any of us know the whiz? I have seen the whiz. But do you know do you remember anything about it? Who played Dorothy? And who played the scarecrow? Nope, no sorry. Oh, really? I don't know who played the screen. Very old Ray Bolton. Shockingly in blackface Michael Jackson was the scarecrow and Diana Ross was Dorothy. I thought Michael Jackson was Dorothy. Yeah, I thought Michael Jackson was Dorothy too. Let's go kill this witch.

Whoa, I wouldn't I wouldn't say I was convinced sure but there's no I mean I don't know that murder was Stealing the ship. Let's go petty theft this week. This is a real Oceans Eleven situation. Does she have an appearance schedule, a PR manager or anything like that?

Do we call ahead of the floor? I'm sorry, we're not scheduling an appointment. No, but if like we knew This is officially a heist film now. If she knew if we knew where she was gonna be, we could like Oh, I see, I see, I see. Yeah, I don't think you can get access to her appearance schedule. Let's call her and say we're the IRF. Does Oz have like a telephone system? There's no phones. Oh shit. There's magic communication.

Skywrights in the air with smoke. Has she done that yet? That part's awesome. Actually, what's happening right now? Oh god. People are like, Surrender Dorothy, and now the town is kinda shaky. I say we give her a My name is Pam. Hold on. Pam, don't you fucking... Alright. Hear me out. Hear me out. We surrender Dorothy. What? But Tie a little string around her so we can pull her back. Put a bong Sure, sure. I'm just saying we need to get the broomsticks, we need to get close to the witch.

The witch wants you to get close to her buttons. So surrender you go in and then we'll bust you out. Or we could all surrender together. Well she doesn't give a shit about us. No. Read the skywriting. Fair enough, but I did reflect a fireball at her. She did specifically swear vengeance to get to And yet that still does not rate you skywriting. I'm just saying, know your place. Okay. I'm just saying I bet she'd take us if we all saw it. But someone has to watch after Toto. Oh Okay. Yeah.

Alright, how do we surrender me? We hire a skywriter. Locals, do you have a sky rider? How do you respond to a skywriting message? Okay Smoke signals. Oh. Do smoke signal or Please don't start any fires. I'm quite pyrophobic. I'm quite allergic. Sure, it's pretty far. I don't think they can see it. How do you get it? She's right there. She just wrote it. I'm gonna try something. I'm gonna try something

Glinda! No no no no no, that's not that's not Oh my god it worked! Friends, you called for me? Hi, we'd like to give up Dorothy to the Weak Witch of the West. Could you maybe No do a witchy thing You mustn't She will surely kill you But I have to get her broomstick This is a quest that you must fulfill Glinda we've got like a whole scheme going here What is your thing?

Brainless one. Seems rude. Seems rude. The scheme is to pretend a surrender to her. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think we should tell her anything else. She looks brain. Really sketchy. The scheme is that we are going on vacation to I heard that which is Alright, look Linda, we're gonna level with you. Not sure we trust you.

But you're the only other witch we know. Yeah, you're real sketchy though. We just cut to the chase now. Did you name yourself the best actor award? Did the Munchkins name you? This it's just my title. But who named you that? It's not my name, it's what I am. But who titled you that? Who titled you Dorothy? I don't know that we have time. I don't know we have time. Yeah, where is your mom though? No, she's dead. Oh shit.

Or maybe not that I get into the epistemological origins of Glinda. What makes you a good witch? Out of curiosity. I'm so pretty. Okay. Oh no. That is not good enough. Comes out. Wow. I'm gonna go march back in there and talk to the wizard. I the door is closed. Glinda Glinda, would you be so kind, so

Good as well. I stuffed Toto through the porthole. Alright, Dorothy, I'm trying to do a thing here. I'm just doing stuff while you're Toto's now in this locked chamber. Toto, go get the wizard. Uh uh, alright. Yeah, I know. Let's do what Dorothy's doing. That's fine. Whatever.

Glinda's still here. You gotta deal with the colour. No, no, I know. And I thought the scarecrow was talking to her, but apparently we're stuffing Tota through portholes here. So let's go, let's stay with Tota. Alright, you talk to Glinda. We cut him out. Yeah, I'm gonna boost through the three.

And then we're gonna be a little bit more. Don't leave me out here alone with this witch! Both of those things are happening simultaneously. First, we're gonna do the conversation with Glenn. Spiral diplomacy?

Yeah. What's uh basic is a DP. IQ minus four. IQ no I'm not gonna roll that then. Glinda Glinda Witch, we need I think we can all agree that our best interests all align on getting us into the Wicked Witches, you know, domicile. To get her broomstick and maybe the whole broom. Yes, how can I help you? Can uh well I see that you have this orb that seems to allow you to appear places. Perhaps you could orb us there? Hmm.

Very interesting proposal. I also thought so. Can you shove me through the porthole yet? I prepared this power point. I'll be straight with you. The wicked witch of the West is a dangerous lady. Sure I'm not going in that castle. I can get you close, but I'm not getting you in there. That sounds good to me. She can take you guys close. That's fine. I I just I'm concerned that she's gonna eat us. Which one? Glinda. The face that she's giving me right now. Like it's a digestive orb.

Yeah, it's just whatever it is. It's not it's not something I want any part of. All right, cut two Dorothy has stuffed Totem through the porthole. And the Tin Man is helping to push me through now. I'm I'm boo I'm giving her a boost through boosting me through the porthole. Okay. Shoves you up through the porthole. Where what do I see? The long hallway. Excellent.

Where's Toto? He's running down the hallway. Oh good. I run after Toto. Roll for traps, roll for traps. Run after Toto. At this point the mustached man asleep at his stand sees all this happening. Oh what am I doing? I'm not going to question and I keep running. He's running out of the way. He was in a stand right by the door where he was. I wish it had a banana peel. A banana peel? Like a peel. One of those peels that envelops multiple bananas.

No, I th I I read it as a possessive. Yeah. The bananas may appeal. I read it as like No seriously speech therapy for everybody.

Alright, so you're sprinting down the hallway. Uh you get to the end of the hallway and there's there's an old man sitting in the back and he's eating his lunch. Making love to Sonic and Jim. And I say, excuse me sir, I'd like to speak to the wizard. Um You're not allowed in here, Missy. I know, but I just I have another question. He looks familiar to you, by the way. Um You look familiar.

Do I know you? I no, I don't think so. No, Dorothy. I'm just the I am your father. I'm just the j the the janitor here and um Well the with where did he go? Are you To do battle with uh the enemies of of yeah, that's right, of Oz. The enemies of Oz. Or the enemies of Oz. Oh, the the people of Of the kingdom of Ev. It sounds like some real false flag shit. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Yeah, yeah. You don't have detect lies. You w we don't have anything. We don't have to give us like two skills. There's morons. She's a little more consistently morons. And more inanimate objects. When people lie to her, she's not, you know, so gullibral. I do have fearlessness. You can roll it at a default.

And you have the shoes plus two and I'll give you another plus two because uh he was really bad in lying. So I'm rolling it a fourteen. Yeah, roll to see how often rolling it a ten. Ten is my perception, but you said add two from the shoes. Minus four, then get those back at bonus. Oh, I see. Okay. Nope. Yeah, he's telling the truth. Yeah. What about Toto? Does Toto believe him? What yeah, what's Toto doing? Todo's growling at him.

Toto has shit on the floor. I feel like Toto's growling at him should give her another bonus. It doesn't. I have singing. Can I sing to him? I have 19 in singing. Jocelyn, sing. I'm gonna sing him the song of my story. Sing him now. Go do it. Do it. But you have to sing it. I have to sing it. Well you have to roll it. Roll first and see how well you do.

Yeah. Twelve. But it's nineteen. I have singing by seven. You understand that Jocelyn things that when you sing now, yeah it has to be Success by seven singing. Success by seven singing. So you better nail this shit. Okay. I come from The lamb. round of cornfields and in a twister. I But I And no one will help me. Please get Well I'm I'm uh I'm just the janitor here. I I don't know exactly what that was a beautiful song though. More of a success by four than by seven, but still quite good.

Look, I'll I'll I'll level with you. Um the wizard, he's he's not gonna send you home. Why? Because Because uh uh I don't know, because he works in mysterious ways, all right? He really is a whiz of a whiz, if ever a whiz there was. But Glinda said he was gonna help me. Glenda And I start crying. Glinda has her own oh I didn't need to be a little bit more. Glinda's got her own agenda here. Glinda has her own what?

You're not in the room, Scarecrow. I know, I know. And I made all these friends and now I don't even know if the wizard will help them and I I just wanna see my Auntie M and my Uncle Henry and and Zeke and and Huck and Hick and the farm and punk and Hick. And my horse Don't cry. I I'm just the janitor. Why are you telling me? She might kill me if I have to go get a broomstick and now I'm

Stuck here and I don't know about the email. But you haven't seen candles. Who gives a shit about how beautiful the Emerald City is, Dorothy? Will you please This guy's gaslighting you? Will you talk to the wizard for me?

Please? Okay, I'll I'll I'll talk to him. I I'll I'll sit right here. Oh. You're just gonna stay here? Yes. You can't stay in here. No but please, I don't wanna go back out there'cause Glendol make me go get the stupid broomstick because you told me that I have to because it's part of the whole plan. Oh. Glinda wanted you to get that broomstick? No, the wizard told me to, but Glinda agreed. Why would she want you to

She told you to come to the wizard. Yes. Oh. She told me to find the wizard, and I found the wizard and the wizard just sent me on another trip and I just want to go home. What's she playing at here? Oh You said you were just a janitor. Yeah, yeah. I'm I'm uh You look really familiar. Can I roll IQ to see if I can recognize you? Sure. You're like Wait No, I made it. I made it with two with the two for the shoes. I did it!

It's the guy that you encountered when you were on the road in Kansas. It's him. I have seen you before. You're a magician. Oh how did you? I'm from Kansas. And you came from Kansas too. You have a horse. How did you know that? How did you know that I came from Kansas? I just recognized you. You what? You can't tell anyone this. I'm not a witch, I promise. There are witch. Everyone thinks I'm a witch, but I'm not.

This kingdom is held together by the force of my personality, by people believing in the institution that is the wizard of all. This place would be chaos without me. You can't tell anyone that. How did you get here from Kansas? How did you get here from Kansas? It was a hot air balloon. I duh Clearly the wind in Kansas is magical. Just the wind, in any form. That's what I was saying. There may be uh

Bigger forces in all of this than just wind. Have you thought of that? Glinda. Perhaps Glinda the winds of change. Anywhere in the kingdom happens to fall on one of the five most powerful people in that kingdom. Were you steering the house? No. Someone was. I think I was. Glinda showed up right away when the house fell. Oh, right away. Just like a second after. And she gave me the shoes.

The Witch of the East's famous ruby slippers, what do they have to do with all this? They're really uncomfortable. They kinda pinch my toes. I bet they do. I don't think they were made for you. Who were they made for? Look, I I

I've said enough here, okay? Okay. Can I how can I help? I am enraptured. Look, you let her bring you to the Witch of the West, then keep her there. Just make sure she doesn't leave. How do I do that? You're a smart girl. You'll figure something out. Glinda's running the game right now, and I don't like it. Let's do something she doesn't expect. The Witch of the West is powerful and unpredictable. She's got no guile in her, she's all instinct, and she wants those shoes.

And I think Glinda's gonna use that. I don't know what Glinda wants you to do, but the last thing she wants is to face Alpha herself. You know a lot for a janitor. Janitor. Yeah. Somebody's gotta clean up this nasty place. Kid, I'm the wizard. I knew it! I knew it! You did not she wrote to she recognized him that he was a wizard in Kansas. But okay, fine. Wait, how do I know you didn't bring me here? Because I saw you in Kansas. You don't? Oh but I didn't.

Look. What is this? Bridge of Spies? Haven't seen Bridge of Spies. Think about it, kid. I'm on the throne. I'm in the middle of the kingdom. On all four sides, scary, powerful ladies. One nice, one cruel, one phony, and one crazy. And all sorts of magics I don't really understand. The last thing I wanted was the balance of power upset. Well w if I trap her there, are you gonna come and get them? Or what are you gonna do? What do I do once I trap them there? Just don't let Glenda know we talk.

She needs to think you're still on that fool's errand for the broomstick. And then keep her there. Figure out a way and keep her there. Glinda's trying to play everyone against each other and working a beat her at her own game. Play Glinda against Elphaba. If we can force a confrontation, then I can call my banners in the name of peace. Your banners? And lead the Emerald City's armies out to war.

Hold on. Guys, I started a war! I'm burning shit! Oh it's all Jaws ever wanted. Yes. Okay. I'm calling my banners. Go fuck yourself.

It's just sort of snowballing. So I've gotta I've gotta go back out and tell them everything you just told me. Yeah, we're still talking we still got we still have Glenda here. We're still talking Glenda's still here. My friends are still talking to Glinda. If she's bad I've gotta get'em away from her. Wait, no, we have to ride with her. How many bristles would it take to make a stick a broom stick?

Full bristles all the way around, a couple bristles, at what point it depends on the market value of straw. Oh so you're saying it's an economic issue? But how can that be? How can the market define truth? Supply and demand affects the market, but it does not affect the hard and souls and minds of the people. Alright, you gotta stop. Must quit it. Oh hey, look, it's Dorothy. Yeah, I I meanwhile I've come back out and I motioned them over to me. No, Glinda, you stay over there.

We gotta have a conference. It's private. You can trust me, I'm a good witch. I'm watching Glinda while they talk behind me. That's better be good, I'm afraid of secrets. I think that we need I think we need to test to see because she manages to hear the weirdest things. I think we need what's the most offensive thing you can think to say about her? Whoa. Are you giving me permission? Yes. I think we need to try to think of something so she reacts to the case.

I'm panicking. I've I've never been given this window to oh it's too much. All my jokes are forest related. How do I accuse Glinda of systematic oppression of black people and law enforcement criminal justice? Feel like I could do this, but I just need to do this. Well, she is complicit in the oppression of the munchkins. She is. She yes. Who's running Munchkin Land now? The question is who isn't running?

It's not actually um the witches are godless, I'm afraid I assure you that the munchkin kingdom is administratively sound. Glinda She can hear us, she can hear us you eavesdropping. That's so rude. You had good. I knew she could hear us. Okay. Yeah, you know how I knew she could hear us? She said, I can hear you. No, but we were every strength. Who has the lowest strength?

Probably me. We can't miss her as far as one you can throw her. What a setup, Glinda. What a delivery. Glinda, take us to the Wigan Witch of the West's. Sarah, come in my sphere. Nope, nope, not. Come on, cowardly lion, and I grab it. Ah, No, no, no, no, no, that's no way to to to to to to it's fine.

Alright, how does I I wanna I'm watching Glinda I'm watching Glinda as much as I can. What is how does she bring us to the how does she do it? Does she like gesture? Does she does she have a wand? She has a wand, don't she just with the wand? IQ minus 80. Alright. Linda waves her wand and calls down her magic orb.

It expands and surrounds you. The world around you turns pink and the shapes break apart and suddenly you're hurtling through the air at top speed. I just tell a cowardly line, close your eyes, it'll be over so close your eyes, buddy. Guys I have something to tell you. So it's I never made my will. It's true, you haven't made a will roll all night. You too, Kansas. Yeah, Kansas, you hear that? Ship.

So you arrive in the area surrounding the castle of the wicked witch of the west, she drops you off. No, no, she doesn't. Great. As great as we get over it, I I grab onto her skirt. What what are you what are you doing? Guys guys, we can't let her go. We gotta grab her. Grab her! I grab her um her uh her wand. Whoa! I'm holding on to her legs and and and her skirt and stuff. Oh out, that's a success. Okay.

She fails to dodge? Scarecrow, can you scrounge up rope or something nearby? I feel my fried chicken, I'm just running around screaming. I think lions distracted her pretty well. Can you scrounge up some rope? I don't even know where we are. I think there's some sort of misunderstanding. No, we can't be Get off of me! I talked to the wizard. No, I I double down, I double down. Two hands, two hands! You overcome my fear and nothing. I put my axe up against her throat. Oh my god.

Take it easy, Glinda. Can't we all take it easy? Can't we all just talk about this? She has a free hand and she Shoves it into your face. Go for it. No, she doesn't. I block her. You got some dress. Are we in the air or on the ground? No, we're on the ground. Oh, I'm holding on to like her bodice. Well well anyway, but she is grappled, so she does take dex penalties. That's what I'm saying. I've got like I'm like bear hugging her.

Roll dodge? No, I think my uh no my parry. I'm gonna parry. I'll I I I parry with the axe head. It'll be easy, I say. Just go to the Emerald City, I say. Uh Nope, that is not apparent. Surely we won't get involved in Mano Amano versus Glinda the fucking good witch of the whatever. Take five damage. Oh, minus your damage resistance. So I take one damage. Alright. Why in hell?

Lion, don't help. This isn't our fight. I'm gonna dive tackle the tin man. What? I think this is we need to all settle down. You do realize Glinda can light you on fire at any minute. Why would she? I don't know that. How would I know that? He's an idiot. Wait, wait. Yeah, well. Oh no, too bright. I'm not a chemist. That's fine. I'm I'm not gonna work. I won't let it happen.

Nope. So you dive tackle and just kinda bounce off the side of him. Fine, I'm a scarecrow. I don't feel bad about that. No. Good. Um It would be shocking for anything else to have happened. I run towards the castle because that seems to be the safest direction. Okay. Lion sprinting off towards the wicked witch of the West's castle.

I um Who's the idiot now? I try so I've got I've got her like this and I'm trying to grab her free arm that she just smacked the tin man with. Like reach around and like like pin her to her sides. Pin her arms to her sides. Roll. Ten plus two. Damn, I'm glad she gave me these shoes. Oh shit. It's a crit no it's not a crit fail. Not a crit fail. Didn't do it, but not a crit fail. Okay. I'm gonna well I'm gonna axe her.

I'm gonna axe her. What are you gonna ax her? Are you aiming to murder her? She just attacked me in the goddamn face. Yes. You attacked her first. I grabbed her arm. It's a different You grabbed one. She went straight for the for the kisser. Yeah. I'm attacking I'm attacking her with my axe. We're going there. That's a big success. She fails her dodge for the body. I I do one D plus four cut, apparently. This is goddamn backs. And that's a six

That is a ten cutting damage. That's a six. That's ten cutting damage to Glinda the Good Witch. She presumably doesn't have much DR, which means all penetrating damage multiplied by 1.5. That's fifteen injury. Glinda the Good Witch going! So you swing your axe and it just goes straight into the center of her chest. That's right, it does. You're going in and getting that heart. That's right. A wizard won't give it to me, I'll take it. She

staggers and lets go of her wand. I've never been so happy about that I don't leave DNA evidence. Wand's mine, I'm keeping that. That's loot. You thought the Wizard of Oz was dark. Souvenir. Just wait till we get a hold of her. Alright, I pull the axe out of her chest. Oh, it's not your turn.

Yeah, she's still she's still one attack. Does does the does the axe stay lodged in her checks? The axe is lodged. Alright, well then at least I have the at least I still have a grip on it. Fifteen damage of act damage, you cannot pull that out in the same seconds. Oh okay. Fair enough.

I axed her in the chat. She's not made of pudding. What? She looks now. It's it's it's a wizard of it's Oz. Who knows what she's made of? She could be made anything. We all do now. Turns out, mostly blood. She looks she looks down at the wound.

And then slowly looks up at you. Oh god. Oh fuck. You dumb fucking idiots. I might not have tackled you, but I placed myself on the right side of history. Did you really think I could be dispatched to This easily Oh no You would You would need a pail of water to do that Yes Oh no I'm just sprinting. I'm just I didn't these lions like vibe. I don't know, is it my best feature? Is it my turn? It went straight for the face, so don't don't do me that higher high and mighty nonsense.

It is the scarecrow's turn.

I would like to do the smartest thing I've done this whole playthrough, and I would also like to start running. Towards the castle? No, away. Just running somewhere into Wilkie Country. Yeah, sure. I I mean, Wilkies probably have farms, they probably don't love crows, they could probably use someone to scare them. Time to start a new life. My face is sewed on, just move a few stitches, new identity. No one has to know I ever fucking

I don't know, we found a piece of straw on the body. So fucking what? I'm I'm ghost. Well I'm in I'm in it I'm in it to win it. I I think you're half rights I'm not doing anything else. Charles, did you already do the one? I'm still behind. I'm trying to take the wand though. I have the wand. I have the wand. That axe hit, did you do that one-handed? Yeah. I guess I guess.

I don't know what to do now. I g I I I'm gonna Yes, it's almost like you jumped into this without a plan! I am impulsive and fearless. I think I'm gonna grab her again so she doesn't try to hurt the tin man. Okay, so you I grab her hands her arms and like try to pin'em behind her. Alright, so first roll decks to grab her. Is blood just getting everywhere at this point too? Like what's the wait.

I did it, I did it. Does she bleed? Does she bleed? She's not bleeding. Shit. Fuck. I got I I did it. I grabbed her. Okay. She is still in another turn of shock, so she Great, so she's not acting this turn? No. I all out attacked. Oh, so I okay. Give me a head butter? No, that's no, I want the axe. I I pull the axe free. Okay. Start yelling, wizard, wizard! Because it worked for Glenda. Wow. Yeah. We're fucked. She starts laughing. Are you calling the wizard? As if he had any real power? What?

What? If the wizard sent you to attack me, he was playing you more than I was.

I'm wearing the shoes. Yes. How do I work'em? You're already getting plus two. Can I stomp on our feet? Can I stomp? Can I w can I do the shoes do something? I mean I know okay, I know meta talk that the shoes click click get me home. No. Do they have any other powers? They do obviously you don't know. You can try. You can try I try to use them. What are you gonna try and do?

I don't know. Um I tried kicking her with him. Okay. It I obviously can't place it because I don't have any skills. So it'll be a Dex minus one. But I aim to like kick her right in the knee. The knee. Just kick at her. Don't try Oh, okay, I'm just gonna kick at her. I'm rolling for a nine. Okay. Whoa! Did it! Button. Only button. But it's at a tackle, so it's my. For the listener, Jost is in a Sailor Moon victory pose. She does not succeed her dodge. Yes!

What do the shoes do? Where your shoe makes contact with her, yellow and red sparks flash out, and Glinda is lifted off the ground and thrown to the side about five feet. Really? Oh Paolo, don't reward this behavior. I made her fall. Yeah. My shoes do something. Give me a damage roll. John, why don't you assume Six? It's it's better than six. I mean there are modifiers on the shoes, you don't know. You guys are rolling well. Uh all right, so she's thrown and catches herself down on one knee.

She looks up with menace and anger in her eyes and reaches one hand out towards the tin man. This is my dream. I am dreaming 13. Hold on, Jazz. You can't You can't suddenly become lucid.

Wait. It's my dream to find a god powered witch with Sean Miller too, but I've never gonna tell people that. This is this is how dreams work. You can become Lucent. But do you know how to do that? No. Roll dreaming probably. But you don't know that it's a dream. You can't roll dreaming until you know it's a dream.

Damn it. Really? Huh. Why would you? So you walk around your daily life rolling dreaming? So No but rolling perception just by default. No, but I'm saying like when you go to work, you don't sit on the train and think like I should probably try and fly right now. I actually I often do. Sometimes I have that thought. That's uh you know, come on Peter. You know what? Fine, fine, fine, so

I think we're starting to lose. So Glenda's on the one- I w I wanna know what Glenda's reaching out for. Like does she have force power or not? Is my question? Roll Dex minus two to hang on to the wand. Oh no. Hang on to it. Sure do. Yes. Oh. She wants it one. You feel it pfft tug in front of you and it drags you forward on the ground. Yeah, she's loose skywalker ice caving. All right. That's not a problem. Okay.

It's your turn. Is it my turn? Not a problem. I have the axe in one hand, I've got the wand in the other. The scarecrow and the lion get a turn. You're running. You left. Uh are you guys still sprinting? I mean, how close am I to the gates? Not close. Okay, yeah, I'm still going to the gates then. I think I turn around and it looks like things aren't necessarily or I take a look over my shoulder.

Things actually, no. If I see her on a knee, like from this far, I'm like, oh maybe this is actually going pretty well. So I think I stop running and turn around to watch. And I yell, Lion, you're only as strong as you seem and as brave as you feel. Uh I don't feel brave enough to do anything. I feel guilty though. I feel bad about it. This doesn't feel good for me. But it's enough for me to stop. I'll stop. Okay. Scare a crow? I continue to run and start practicing my Wilkish dialects.

I'm gonna break the wand. Oh my god, you dumb fucking beast. I've got I've got the axe in one hand and the wand in the other. I'm gonna open up the one hand I'm gonna try and keep hand hold of the axe if I can, but if if if not gonna be a good one. That was my last turn. He made me take the entire turn to do it.

Alright, but I'm gonna open up my hand and grab the wand and snap it. Are you locking eyes with her to establish? Why don't you just hit the wand with your I'm gonna like over my knee, I'm gonna yeah. Okay. Roll strength minus six. Strength minus six. Why minus six?

Wha why? I'm an all out strong. Why are the two of you surprised at any stat that this woman has to be a little bit more than a few years? All out strong means you'll have no defenses. I would I'm fine with that. I would like to see your middle middle. Does that give me a bonus? Yeah, so that's minus four. Yeah. Okay, that's what I wanted. Sure do. Nice. Whoa. Nice. With thank god I all out stronged too. Whoa. Alright, what's your strength? Twelve. Whoa.

You heave with your whole body, the wand down over your knee. The thing you realize as it comes on your knee is hard as Harder harder than t give it the big old heave and it cracks on your knee. And there is an explosion of energy from it, and you are thrown back. Should give her cover for being behind Glinda. Seven damage. You mean three damage. Oh fuck it. Damage resistance. Palo Dorothy? Paolo. Murder them. I'm behind Linda. Take three damage.

What? That's it? That's what it rolled. They've rolled extraordinarily well. What is you need to roll better. Does this does this shockwave reach me? I only care about the side. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, both of you feel it. Okay. It doesn't do damage rolls, but it pushes you. I think I start running back towards the guest.

Oh, so I get I get knocked back a yard. Wait, so we feel the shockwave, so you're saying it actually pushes us further and gives us a little boost to get even further away from this. Shitstorm. You do a little healthy path along the way. You've made the right decision. Thanks, Tin Man, you dumb asshole. So there is the whole forest flutters with Glinda stands up and her skin starts to crackle and fall and and you start to see that it is green underneath.

Meanwhile, oh shit from the castle above, hordes of flying things, you can't tell from this distance exactly what they are, start to fly out from the castle. Uh oh. The fuck is going on? Don't worry, Dorothy. Um I I is it my turn? Are we out of comment? It's back to Dorothy. Yeah, Dorothy was four to them. I'm running two Tin Man. I think we're safer in numbers. And I I uh as I'm running I'm yelling, Lion, look out!

I mean I see now that they're there are these flying whatevers and I I don't like that coming from start not quite running but like doing a slow, cowardly jog

In the in the direction of Dorothy and Tin Man. So I'm now I'm now coming back. This is a this is a frying pan uh fire situation. Where's Toto? Toto is violently shitting in the baskets. Is Toto dead? I mean He was in the basket! You don't know how Toto dead. Oh jeez. What do you mean I don't know?

It's better that you don't know how Toto's doing it. So I don't know where the basket is? No, you it was thrown clear in the explosion. Does she get a power upgrade if Toto dies? Oh my god, I'm going I'm going ape shit if Toto dies. If anything, she would get a penalty if Toto dies for Greek.

No,'cause it can be anger real fast. Rage. Yeah, it's it's the stages of it. So I'm yelling Toto. I'm yelling Toto's name as I'm as I'm running and calling the lion, I'm running to Tin Man, and I'm yelling Toto too. Tin bargaining. You don't hear a response from Toto. And then the pressure. Okay, can I can I see where it would have gone? You don't have to see the mask bargaining. The Cooler Ross model has been challenged. Oh shit's gonna go down now. I in our modern era. Wasn't me.

I I try and w w what's what's my disposition? Where am I? What am I with you my thing? So you got thrown stupid and clunked against a tree. But I'm still upright? You're still upright. You still have your axe and there are pieces of wand crackling in front of you. Uh well yeah, the pieces of wand I don't care. You got thrown back like a yard and a half. Okay, so if she's uh at my side

I'm gonna sort of like put a shoulder in front of her and I'm all out defense. So I'm gonna try and give her some uh cover, but I'm gonna go to all out defense. The witch starts to make some kind of gesture with her hand. Oh shit. And has closed her eyes and is channeling. I don't like that at all. Maybe it's yoga, maybe it's from mantra.

But she's doing a thing. She's doing a thing. And she's closed her eyes. Yeah. Sounds great to me. Where's the line? Is it back to us? Is that was that her turn was was pre prepping a spell? She's prepping something. What are you doing? Okay, first of all, it's Scarecrow's turn. Yeah, Scarecrow. What's up? Uh I thought the witch was down for good. see she's doing something with her arm. Oh shit. Oh but I actually I actually for once actually get my fright check done.

So I continue jogging towards the witch. Coming back slowly. Like I I wish it was in the tall grass so we can have an aerial view of your path. Let's say one of those family circus billy dotted lines. Yeah. Can Lion hear me?

Yeah, that's one of the reasons. I yell I think she killed Toto. Can you see him? Oh, that pisses me off. I don't see him. I don't I I won't perceive. Yeah, you're he's opposite from you could. Uh critical failure on perception. Looks like some kind of cat. Yeah, yeah, your cat seems fine, but no, it's a dog. It's a dog deepest of cuts. That's the deep that's pretty deep. So does that bring it back to us? Uh yeah.

We gotta stop her. Is it me? It's me? Um I I I look at you and I say somehow when I kick her, it stops her. Well then kick her. But you gotta cover me if I go in to kick her. Oh I'll cover you. Okay. So I'm gonna go in d was that talking my turn? No. Okay. So I'm gonna go in toward her, getting ready to just like give her a good solid

Kick. I don't think she's defending. She's prepping a spell right now, so you should definitely kick her this turn. Yeah, I'm running in like hardcore to kick her. She just why are you she just said I'm kicking her. She said I'm prepping to kick her. Oh I see. Amen. No, I'm I'm kicking. I'm like just like a

Probably killed my dog kicking her. Okay. Roll ring our shins. Later they will say that Toto was the luckiest of them. Nope. Damn it. Nope. You're in heels. But I if she's got her eyes closed. I don't think she's gonna be much good at defending with her eyes closed, trying to prep a spell. Maybe I'll interrupt her at the very best even if she tries to defend. So I'm gonna axe her in the skull. I'm all out, determined

uh telegraphic uh attack to the skull with my axe. Okay. Which I think nets me to a plus one. Okay, so you're rolling at a thirteen? I think so. Go for it. Now it's kind of whatever secret power. Yeah, that's a eleven six S. And she does apparently get a defense. You swing, but she's not exactly where it looks like she is. Oh flock. This is getting worse.

And I see that he goes through her. Yeah, she's not quite there. There was like a perspective problem and it was like deceptive problem. Can I see where she might be now? Do I have an extraordinary It looks like she's like she was like a step and a half farther back than it looked like she's like. Right, then I'm gonna kick there. Oh it's not your turn. Oh I thought you were looking at the No, it's her turn. It's her turn. So

Well he looked at me like what are you gonna do? No, he didn't. He definitely didn't. Let the record show that. You just always think it's your turn. You do always think it's your turn. She is What the hell is she doing? It's my it's my turn. You're still running. Oh at this point I'm sprinting. I'm also laughing a little bit. I'm still I still I continue to approach at a wary jog.

Okay. Is he back yet? I mean I don't think he's been reapproaching for like three turns. He took three motivated more going in one direction than the other. So how close is he at this point? So you're like eight yards from them now. But now he's pissed because I told him about Toto. True. Well but he doesn't Uh I resol I beat my fright check and I'm like I'm gonna go in and and do this. Okay. So you'll get their next turn. Okay. So I'm I'm sprinting now. Do I think? Is it my turn? Yeah.

It's actually my turn. Yeah. Okay. Are you mad at me for it not having been your turn last time? I'm sure it's my turn so I don't go over someone else again. Okay, so I'm gonna try to kick her again. Okay. I'm picturing Judy Garland in that dress kicking randomly into the air. Eh good Miss Picky you just. Well it's it had to be couldn't have been magic gloves, it had to be magic shoes. Oh shit. Yeah,'cause in the movie they're not designed as combat equipment, no.

I don't kick her. That's a failure. Alright. Alright. Is it now me? I'm axing her again. Uh because you know Do it. We gotta do it. At least break her concentration so she can't finish the spell. You know what, Tinman? Maybe you also should have asked her brains. Possibly, but I hit her again by three. Again you swing right through her. She's doing something with perspective. You can't tell exactly where she is. Now uh

Pink aura is starting to hazily form around her as she continues her concentration. I'm picturing like an awesome like It feels like an anime fight scene in like kind of a cool way. It does feel well yeah. Like in that uh Cowboy Bebop episode with the uh the one assassin. Yeah, okay. And that worked out okay during the So it's back to the witch. I think so. She's Still prepping. And her eyes are starting to come open. Door comes open. Door comes open. Door scarecrow.

Uh can I roll contacts for Moki Country? Like who do I know that can set me up a new identity? You don't I don't have contacts in Moki Country. You don't have contacts outside of your farm. You're far from home, buddy. That's fine, I don't need to eat. Lion?

Uh so I mean clearly this is a bad situation, but I'm running in I'm running in. I'm gonna go ahead and um just try and tackle her. Okay. Turns out you had courage all along. I mean I guess we also don't have He's a lion and Without any hunting skills. So I gave him tracking because he eats mice. 'Cause he grew up in the forest. I I have a I have a rich and pathetic back to the only tracks mice um for them to pull thorns out of his body. Alright, so I'm just gonna I'm just gonna jump at

Uh with all my with all my strength. He does have a lot of intention. With the intention of just knocking her over to where you think she is. Uh that is a on the button hit. Okay. Please find. So she is You you go through and she is not hit, but she is forced to actually dodge you. Yes! And in doing so you've broken the concentration of the spell.

Yes lion. You come through. I'm terrified though, this is all very scary. Yeah, I'm sorry. But still I yell, I'm proud of you, Lion. Oh, thank you. Thank you, little girl. I didn't get your name because I was in an ecstasy of terror. It's Dorothy! Thank you. Dorothy. I'll forget that later. I'm gonna go and kick her again. Okay, go and kick her. This is all I know how to do. I do, I do!

She fails her dodge. Yes! She is thrown again. Great. Teamwork. Once more with feeling. I did it by two, if that helped. Yeah, that's a success by two. She's now on her knee, so you're Oh you're doing the s it was the same attack. Her eyes are open. Yeah, but she's also staggered. That's right.

She does a a drop and dodge to the side and throws herself down on the ground. So now she's prone. She's prone. Okay, but dodges. But dodges. Worth it. Kick her while she's down. Kick her while she's down. Uh it's Glinda. The very air around Glinda seems to darken, and she performs an arcane gesture you do not know the meaning of. We're the listener listener, Andy just flipped the bird. That's an ancient munchkin gesture that we do understand and so is likely not what Linda did. Okay.

So she's now prone near me. Yeah. I'll uh claw at the the prone body thing. Okay. Uh that is a success by three. Yes. You hit her. Slam her in the chest. Penalize. Alright, so it's one D minus one cutting damage. Again, our our good rules continue. So that's a that's a five that's a five cutting damage. Alright, you s rake her across the chest with your fierce claws.

Uh who's it? It's back to Me. I think it's yeah, I think it's Dorothy. I'm in a like I'm like standing over there. I'm just gonna like right down on her chest, right where you just claw BAM with my shoe. Like step on her as hard as I can. No. Tin Man, your turn. Alright, she's on the ground once more. Stebber her spinal column. Oh my god. All out, determined, telegraphic, to the skull. Okay. Rolling at a thirteen.

And that was the sound of our recording system crashing. It looks like everything recorded just fine, but if there are any sound issues, we apologize for that.

We will leave the result of that pivotal dice roll as a cliffhanger for part two, hopefully out soon. We also have to push back the mailbag segment I had promised. If you'd like to be in a mailbag, write us to filmreoll at gmail.com. We're also active on Twitter at FilmReroll or you can just add comments at filmrell.com. all of those messages get to us and we have been overwhelmed by the support. So thank you also very much.

Quick plugs for everyone, Jaws, when this episode drops, will be performing in Serrano de Bergerac at Saratoga Shakespeare. Go watch her, she's always incredible. You can see me in a small but pivotal role in Braindead on CBS. I'll premiere, I believe, August 7th at 10 p.m. Check local listings. Andy and Peter both I know have projects in the pipeline, but they didn't give me anything to plug for them right now. John, as always, has a real goddamn job.

As I said, follow Film Reroll on Twitter. You can follow Peter at PitterPatter, P-A-T-R-P-A-T-R, you can follow Jaws at Jocelyn Vammer. J-O-C-E-L-Y-N-V-A-M-M-E-R, and you can follow me at Paolo Kiros. P-A-U-L-O-Q-U-I-R-O-S. That's it for tonight. If you haven't seen The Wizard of Oz, that's it's that that we got it exactly. It's just like that. No no changes whatsoever. Um so find out what happens in part two. Good night.

How old is Dorothy? Dorothy's like 12. No. No, she's not that young. 13. 15. I think 15. I think that's right. 14 is my final offer. She's on the Sunset of fourteen which is not true as well. Sunrise of fifteen. In that divot. She's keep going on autistic. Uh John, would you sound check for her? My name's John Miller, I'm playing the Tin Woodman. Uh I notice on looking over my character sheet that I am a bit of a bitch.

And uh unfortunately, it seems that our party is made up mostly of amateurs and incompetents, uh, which on reviewing in my memory of the movie is Uh sadly reasonable. So I look forward to failing miserably at uh at uh a lot of stuff. I just thought that I have professional skills scarecrowing. I know a lot about the intricacies of standing like this. You can scare you can scare birds real well. Well, you know