The Fifth Hour: "You're My Back-Up Camera" Mail Bag

Kubbooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to clearing house of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.

In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mahler and Danny g Radio in a happy Sunday and a happy Groundhog Day.

That's right, Today is the day. Today is the day.

In a little bit we will find out will there be six more weeks of winter or not?

Only only today?

Is this where Bill Murray he pulls his head out of the ground.

Yep, yep, yep, right, there would be hanging out with Punk Satani Phil and every Groundhog Day, everyone flocking over there to Gobbler's Knob in Punk Satani, Pennsylvania, awaiting to find out the most famous rodent in the weather predicting game. And this actually you know when this start. It started back in the seventeen hundreds German settlers who came to America and they settled in Pennsylvania, obviously, and they brought

Will it not? Now?

There are other Groundhog Day celebrations, but because of the Bill Murray Groundhog Day movie, the one in punk Satani, Pennsylvania is by far the most famous.

And I saw the one.

In New York. Did you see the story the other day that they they've had to cancel it for the last four years. They can't find a groundhog this this town, in this town in New York that would always have done it. They've been unable to track down a groundhog. How hard is it to find a groundhog.

Who knew they were extinct or nearing extinction? Are they?

I don't have no, I have no.

Idea, but I made that fun fact up there you.

Go, fun fact?

I U. Yeah, the dude there, what what's the name of that town? Uh?

It's Gobblers not.

Is that real? Uh?

Yeah, yeah, it appears it is real? Uh it does?

Is that the same groundhog? Are they related to dinosaurs or what?

I'm not a historian on the groundhog.

I couldn't tell you.

I don't know if I mentioned this on yesterday's podcast or not, but they had me doing liners for some local affiliates and that's throw those like hey, coming up, you know so and so whatever. And the station that I did liners for one of the stations this week that I did some liners for this is great. I'm want to find the name here. I don't know if I mentioned this Yesterda or not, but it was like, hey, it's pet malor there's only one way to start your day in the Chattahoochie Valley.

Yeah, how great is that? The Chado Valleys.

Allen Jackson hid Chattahoochie.

In that wonderful and that's that's in Georgia, Chada Hoochie Valley.

Yeah, yeah, there isn't that wonderful. By the way, it says in the wild, groundhogs can live up to six years, with two or three being average. In captivity, groundhogs reportedly live up to fourteen years.

Oh is that right? All right? It says over two thirds of people surveyed are optimistic that Punk satani Field will see his shadow this year. Only one third of people surveyed bet on punks Atoni Phil to not see his shadow, okay.

And of those people need a fucking life. It says.

When it comes to people or asking people how accurate they think Punksatani Phil's predictions are, they said that they think he's correct thirty two percent of the time forty sixty percent. So thirty two percent said that, or thirty two percent said correct forty to sixty percent of the time. And see, I have some other who cares. What are we doing, Danny h I mean, what do we This is groundhog Day in Marmot, Marmont Days in Alaska. Serbia

So there you go. You are by the way walking out, you're walking out into the groundhog pooh.

At this point, say punks Towani percentage of punks Atoni phil predictions that are accurate, it's actually thirty nine percent. That's not that's not gonna win you money betting on sports. But if you're a baseball player, you'll be a Hall of Famer at three you know, three ninety you're a hall of Famer.

Right yeah?

Anyway, all right, enough of that, we have actual letters from actual people.

Are you ready let's get Ohio. Alen here, what do you.

Say, Let's get this mail Kraken.

It's all right, thank you very much, Ohio. First one is from Eddie, not that Eddie. Eddie from South Jersey writes and says, Hey, Bendon, Danny. I am a big fan of the radio show.

Ben.

I've listened to you off and on for the last fifteen years. I'm going to be in New Orleans this week for the Super Bowl. I'm there to watch my birds be the Chiefs. I would love to meet you. Are you going to be hosting a mall or meet and greet when you're in town with the f SR team. Well, Eddie, you clearly don't pay attention when you listen. If you think I'm going to be a New Orleans bill.

No, no, no, no.

There's the cool kids and then there's the overnight kids that don't get invited to this stuff.

So no, I will not be in Norms.

The company did not see me seem that I need to be there, Eddie, so I will not. I will be back in LA so I will not be able to meet you. I'm sorry, but I've never been to Norms. Maybe one year I'll go I'll have to pay my own.

Way when I go.

But unfortunately he offered to buy me some gumbo. Well, I don't really want to eat gumbo. So even if I win, I wouldn't want to eat your gumbo.

But have fun, Eddie. Don't be upset when the Chiefs win. Okay, and.

Which way you're betting, well, let's see.

I mean Jersey guy, you know, South Jersey is essentially Philly. But have have fun, Eddie. I hope you have a great time.

And it's it's it's a fun fun thing.

I mean, I paid my own way the last couple of years to go hang out and do stuff at the super Bowl and not actual like, I don't know if Eddie's going to the game or not.

He didn't say whether he's going to the actual game.

But you have a good time. So there's a massive store the NFL puts up where you can buy you know, eighty dollars T shirts and things like that. So Kevin from Kenosha writes in that's that is the home of the cheese Castle Danny right in Wisconsin.

It's when you travel, that's right. Yeah, you've talked about this.

Yeah, it's a Mars Cheese Castle and Kenosha stopped there when I was driving up from Chicago to visit my brother in Appleton. Anyway, Kevin writes, and he says, hey, Ben and Danny, you guys talked about Doug Gottlieb, oh boy coaching Green Bay a lot when he got the gig. Now that his team is the worst in college basketball, you have not mentioned his name much?

Are you covering for your co worker? Says Kevin. No way.

I hear jokes being thrown out here and there from different shows about Doug, Like nothing like super you know, obnoxious or anything, but yeah, like little funny shots here and there.

Yeah. No, I mean, no one's telling us not to talk about Doug Gottlieb coaching Cream Bay.

I don't know how what is their record?

They won like two games, right, They're like two and twenty something, and I don't know what their record is. But yeah, Kevin, this is not the deep State. I don't think our bosses care that much. You know what I'm saying.

Rich Davis, he's coaching his little daughter's softball team. They're like, I think they're called the Pink Sparklers. He said it on the air the other day that he's Fox Sports Radio's number one coach.

Well, all you have to do is win three games.

No, no, I don't.

I mean, listen, Doug wanted to do both jobs. I think you kind of need to do one. But hey, good luck.

I hope it. I guess.

I hope it gets better, but it really can't get much worse, right, I don't If you're the worst in college basketball, there's only one way to go. I'll be Benny Brightside here, there's only one way to go. But no, Kevin, I like your conspiratorial mind. I maybe they did send me an email in my work email, but I don't check my work email, So no, I just don't think it's all that compelling. I guess I could you think I should work some more jokes in taking shots at Gottlieb. I don't know.

Maybe I will.

I have no no idea anyway. I thank you, Thank you, Kevin. Everyone thinks it's a conspiracy Danny everything again.

You know. The one thing I'd love is that Gottlieb is not allowed to tweet anymore, apparently, because any tweety puts out the first comment without a doubt, the first person that runs the comment always says the same thing. Why don't you focus on coaching basketball instead of being on Twitter? Yeah?

Well doesn't doesn't look great.

And I'm sure it'll get even more awkward for Doug when he shows up to New Orleans later this week.

And people will be like, what are you doing there? You're supposed to be coaching in the Green Bay?

What are you doing? I don't understand why you're here? What do you should be with your team? But you know, he signed he knows what he signed up for. He's a big boy, right, he can handle it.

I think, you know. Yeah, And he's not arriving until Wednesday because he is with the team, so he's not going to be there all week. Yeah, there you go. Well he'll be there more than I will be there.

I know that.

Who else do we have? Sarah in Minnesota?

Right? Since she says I was talking with a friend about your show, Thank you, Sarah. Promoting the show, I used the expression blankety blank doesn't hold a candle to Ben Maler's show. Okay, so she said that our show is superior to someone else's show, so thank you. I went on to say, it may seem he has a silly overnight show. But his takes are well thought out and have depth to them. Well, thank you, Sarah. So if you can handle a compliment, please give me the

So the pre electricity.

Era, and from what I have been able to find here, Sarah, there were these people called apprentices, but not the apprentice now's a TV show. But they would hold the candle to light. They would hold the candle to light the work of skilled crafts. And if someone couldn't hold a candle to another person, it meant they were not even qualified to be an assistant and stand there like a

So been a minute, right, Wow, been a minute?

Don't hold doesn't it's gonna know. Even back then they were mocking people that were bad at their job, right, even in the sixteen hundred.

It's part of human nature. Yeah, gotta do.

It right, yeh. And I bet that that first candle holder was related to somebody that owned the company and still got a promotion.

Yeah, probably so, probably so, Like the person that wouldn't hold the candle was like, they're Doug Gottlieb. You know that was there? Is that how the joke goes?

Is that all right?

Mike in Fullerton right Sin says, Happy Groundhog Day, Ben and Danny g. As much as I love my winter Wonderland, I am ready for summer. I hope the damn groundhog does not see his shadow now. Mike in Fullerton says, are either of you planning to attend Corgy Race Day on Sunday, February sixteenth, sixteenth at Santa Anita Park to root for Brian Finley's dog Easy. I think she's got

Yeah.

So if every let me tell you some Mike, if every single television stop working, every single audio device stop working, and every piece of entertainment closed, and the only thing left was a corky race at Santa Anita Park, I would go to bed. That's what I would do. You, Danny not into it, Danny, You're not.

I would definitely line up at In and.

Out because that's what it was all about.

Yes, I would definitely go to In and Out and not that race. Yeah, I understand.

Yeah, I mean, come on, how much does it cost?

I don't.

I have questions, but I don't really want to answer those questions.

You know what I'm saying.

I'm like, I'm good, my god, a Corgi raceff earf? What is that?

If I know what it is? But why?

Why?

Why?

Why? Why?

Why?

All right?

Thank you, Mike. It's got to be tough. Mike lives in Fullerton, which is really right. It's just adjacent to Siberia. It's right next to Siberia. It's just so cold there. It's so terrible.

It's the hood. Remember wasn't there a Mexican restaurant that Kobe loved there? Yes, but it was overtaken by gangbangers?

Oh was it not?

Yeah? Yeah, right, yeah, I remember that. When Kobe died, there was they revealed like his favorite Mexican restaurant was this little dive Mexican place in Fullerton that he would drive all the way from Newport, which is a pretty decent drive over to Fullerton to get some nice Mexican food with his with his wife and his.

Kids and whatnot.

That's where they hung out, and Kobe loved it because.

They just treated him like a normal loser and not some celebrity basketball player and all that.

Yeah, and it's the reason he got his helicopter was to go get the Mexican food. Bulletin is to blame for his debt.

So, Mike, your city killed Kobe Bryant. How do you feel your thoughts?

No? All right?

What else do we have anonymous rights in? There's a conspiracy theory that the whales we are all dying off the coast of Cape cod because of left wing politics. It's scary because this is a small town and we are not ready for these type of conspiracies.

This is the.

Home of Robert de Niro's father. Well that's important, Danny. You know, if it's Robert de Niro's father, you shouldn't do conspiracies if it's Robert de Niro's father, Like, really, come.

On, is his father still alive because he's old?

No chance, right, there's no chance.

There's no chance. Yeah.

I've seen some of that stuff online about the whales, some of the some of the things the environmentalists were doing that supposedly we're gonna help the animals in the ocean have ended up killing them. And uh, yeah, I don't know. I think it was the wind turbines, right, they said the win. I think Trump actually said some of that stuff couple couple of years back, that the whales are dying because of the wind turbines.

And I don't know. I'm not near a wind turbine.

So I think they're ugly. And I see them in Palm Springs here in SoCal and there's a whole valley of wind turbines which are terrible.

I'm more interested in d Naro's dad. He died in nineteen ninety three. He was seventy one.

Yeah, so he's been gone for thirty plus years.

So yep, he is laid to rest at Valhalla, New York.

Oh all right, if you want to go see his grave, ne're in New York and Valhalla. Go knock yourself out. Alf from the Blue Tent rights and he says, you guys think it's possible to contact a contract rather contract an illness from a radio host by listening too close to every show and podcast? Could you please punch that TV Dennis in the mouth for getting us both sick. I would love love to punch the TV Dennis in the in the mouth. And don't forget by the way,

I think Pro Bowl you're gambling on flag football.

Well, we we thought it would be fun to kind of goof around and bust balls about how bad the Pro Bowl is. But yeah, so we mentioned it, but it was like it was probably like one minute out of the thirty minute show. And do check that out and there's this is probably, I said yesterday, probably my favorite show that we've done, because there's a lot of bloopers and behind the scenes stuff, and we often forget, both I and Looney because we do the show and then the way it works, we go into the studio

It takes. Sometimes we do multiple takes for segments and whatnot.

But uh, it was. It was pretty funny. But yeah, Looney just does not does not stop talking. I'm like, dude, I'm an introvert. I'm not an extra. You're an extrovert. I'm an introvert and you won't and that sometimes I won't even respond and you just keep going. It's like the Energizer Bunny, going and going and going and going and going and going. Anyway, Uh yeah, good luck. Alf a lot of garlic. I made the garlic onion pizza on Friday. I posted some photos on Saturday. So that's

Have a little bit.

Of a twinge in your throat and it's just a little off the by the time you rest your voice and get ready to do the show, you're fine. But then when you talk for four hours and it's even a lot more talking now since the company whacked Eddie, and I'm pretty much on my own there at night, so it's a lot more talking than I even did before. And so my voice is like shredded chicken my vocal chords by the end of every show, and then we come in here and do the podcast on the weekend.

You have to project your voice.

Yeah, it's a musical instrument, and so that's what we do. And you use a musical instrument, and sometimes your musical instrument needs to go into the shop and that happens, and so.

So sometimes you have to empty the spitvlve what.

Exactly exactly, But thank you, alf I hope you feel better. Ryan Ryan c from Shrewsbury right sin. He lives in the Commonwealth there in Massachusetts. He says, Hey, bandon, Danny, I've been to Cali, been to Canada, and I've been to the Caribbean, so I have been coast to coast, border to border and beyond. Very cool the last two weeks. Last two weeks here, we've gotten snowstorms, so snow is

Here, Danny.

You can't see it, but there's a photo. And that's a beautiful looking car. It I like the Ryan says he likes to tinker with the car, get it back running again, loves the challenge. So that's from Ryan.

Well, that's cool. I love that. That reminds me of my grandpa, William Rip served our country on World War Two, got home really jacked up from seeing what he saw and doing what he did over there, and what he did in the garage. Besides tip the bottle back was he restored it. He restored a couple of cars, did woodwork. He had everyone in his family by a Ford. Because he was a self proclaimed forward expert always tinkering with cars.

Yeah, that's cool. I wish I had the car gene.

I don't.

I love cars and I drive cars, but I probably could figure it out. I'm gonna send you a picture here, Danny, hal say, this is a good looking car.

Hold on, let me get this. This is the right picture.

That sent it right now to our live coverature in the fifth hour podcast, Danny to see.

So then I'd like to alert all the affiliates.

Yeah, you see the photo, Danny'm gonna click this and then.

See the next thing. I clicked on that, and then I got to click on your name, so I type in.

The Danny there, and then I click on that, and then.

I clicked the blue button with the arrow. The arrow's pointing up, so I click on that, and then that goes right to you. And then you can see the car and it's in the Garageer's a pink bite.

You know what's scary? This play by play is more exciting than the Pro Bowl.

Oh yeah, I mentioned in a monologue back on Friday Thursday night, these Pro Bowl games started, and it was like I was rubbernecking. I kept I was watching basketball. It was like TNT night. So I'm just mostly watching for Charles Barkley. But I kept flipping back and I was like, oh my god, I couldn't believe what I was watching. I was like, who on the NFL signed off on that? Like what kind of toad venom were they drinking? And they were like, Oh, this is a good idea.

Let's do it.

We'll make it like The Malor Show and we're gonna do some sports trivia and we'll have a contest involving athletes sports trivia.

That'll be a good idea.

Oh my god, that's a cool picture. By the way, that is a classic Ford from way back in the day.

Yeah.

I liked that they decided in those days they put the wheel on the side right there.

They don't do that.

You can't get a car with a wheel on the side like that. That looks like a fake car. A universal. On Friday, we were putting around or there, walking around on the set they were filming, either as a commercial or a TV show, and they had several classic cars. But that is that's really neat. But how do you get parts for that though? Right they don't make stuff for a car like that. You have to put new stuff in, right, you have to put the modern stuff. I would think, man.

You have to go and pickers guys and get an expert to help you find parts for something that old.

Do they have a backup camera in that? Probably not?

Right? Probably not?

Do they even have seatbelts in that? Do you think they have seat belts in it?

Yeah? Backup camera was your little son, and he said, hey, you little shit, turn around. Tell me if I'm gonna hit.

Any hold my beer? Well, have I back up here?

Let's see, Let's see if we can find how much do you think a nineteen thirty three Ford Model A goes for? I am I'm looking here, page down. I'm on a classic car website, and I see a lot of nineteen thirty ones. I do not see a nineteen thirty three, but nineteen thirty ones. So I'm trying to find the same exact car. What I think is the same exact car?

Wow? With it be that rare Rick at the pawnshop would give you two samurai swords for it? Yeah?

Yeah, and potato chips. There's a lot of these are being auctioned off. I think this is actually an auction website, but it says starting price like thirty thousand, but it's an auction, so yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know how many of those were made, and I don't know. I'd have to do more more research. But that is an icon, right, the Model A in automotive history, That's that's what kind of got everything going right, the Model A and Reford Model A.

That's what sent everything down the path where we are today.

Changed the transportation world.

Random guy, right, Sandy says, Danny g brought this up on the air like eight years ago. He grew up in a Jehovah witness family. Can you talk about that on the air or is it not appropriate? All right, that's from random guy. That's that is random random. Yeah, that is very random, very random that you brought that up. So I don't know, it's up to Danny he wants to discuss his his upbringing or not.

I don't know. I mean, so, yeah, it's a faith that my mom is very much into and still is and my whole life. Ben, I heard my mom curse only one time, the Big Bay Area earthquake.

Oh nineteen eighty nine World Series Giants in As.

Yeah, we were little kids watching the World series about to start between the a's and the giants. The TV flickers goes out. You hear the announcers scared and scrambling, and then the earth started rolling underneath of us and my mom. I'll never forget she opened up the back door. She walked outside because she didn't know what else to do. She wanted to see if the ground was moving out in the backyard. And I remember her saying shit, shit, shit,

You're like your mom had transformed, undergone a metamorphosis. She was this evil woman.

No, Oh my god.

Our nighttime security guard, James at the building, is a Jehovah's witness and I love James. He writes comic books and really happy guy. You know, you meet some people they always are complaining about their job or their relationships. James is always happy, and I don't know that he has the greatest job in the world. He doesn't have great hours I don't think they pay him that well. Sometimes it's really cold and he's got to sit there

But he's always happy.

It's not because of being a Jehovah's witness or whatever. It's just because he's not always wired that way. But it's thought of him.

You know. When I've been around my mom's church friends and her congregation and all that, they're very, very nice people. She's always walked the walk. I've admired that about her. Yeah, I may not live the same lifestyle or the same kind of life she does. Yeah, it was you know what was interesting was not celebrating a lot of the holidays. But I think as a kid you kind of just adjust to that stuff.

Yeah, how old were you when you started to celebrate holidays? Were you out of your house by then?

My dad Catholic, you know, he obviously celebrated. She didn't, So I was exposed to both sides of it. But growing up mostly with her my whole childhood, I just was the kid where the teacher was like, all right, we're doing a birthday party, Danny, you go to the library.

Oh boy, that sucks.

Yeah, And you know what, Ben, Honestly, it didn't bother me all that much. I was like, eh, whatever, and I like sat there and read a book and a kid came in got me, and I went back into the class and kids had a cupcake, and I'm like, big fricking deal, you have a cupcake.

Yeah. It's one of those things that's all you knew when you're growing up, right, So mostly what you knew, right.

That's yeah. It didn't bother me. And I think it gave me a unique perspective of not being afraid of kind of standing out and being your own person. And I think that helped me in radio a little bit. Right on, right on.

Mike writes in from Arizona.

He does not say where. I'm assuming Phoenix or Tucson. That's pretty much where everyone lives in Arizona.

Or that area.

He says, a guys, are you are you upset you missed out on this money making opportunity. He then sent me a story, Danny, of a man who invested over twelve thousand dollars in Ah. I think we talked about this. That realistic dog Costu. You remember we talked about that a few months back.

Yes, I remember this.

He's opening up a unique animal experience zoo. Oh boy, let me click this here. Gentleman from Arizona sent me the story. This comes out of one of the tabloids in London. That's from a I think it's a London tabloid. This guy became an Internet sensation claiming he wanted to live as a border collie. He is opening up his own Toko Toko Zoo in Japan and this is oh boy, this is where people can live out their fantasies of being an animal.

No boy, I'm surprised. This is not in America. This is in Japan.

So if your kink is to be an animal, you gotta go to Japan and.

You can do it.

This is the brainschild of a canine obsessed YouTuber Toko. The Togo Togo Zoo had its grand opening on January twenty sixth, So this week participants can book a morning or afternoon session and it'll cost you danny. If you want to have your kink as a dog, it'll cost you two hundred and fifty dollars per person.

What for that price? There better be some doggy style involved.

Heyah, i'll cost you a little extra. That's an add on.

Yes, we call that a Justin Tucker. Hell, you can.

Wear an Alaskan malmamut costume. Ultra realistic dog suit features a functioning mouth. Customers are warned that operating it may be challenging for those with stiff muscles. So you have good strong muscles that to do it. Oh God, what a racket. Two hundred and fifty bucks to dress like a dog. Well, hey, we have the furry conventions here in the States, so we got the furry crowd, we got the furries. In Japan they have the that's kind

Man, do you think they smell each other's butts?

They lick everything, everything?

Yeah, everything NonStop there right. I wond if you're gonna make any money on that though, you know, I don't know if that's a big money maker. Are there enough people out there where that's their fetish. They want to travel. Enough people in Japan, enough people to travel to Japan. Let's see here. Steve writes in from Seattle. He says, Guys, I enjoy the podcast. What did you think of Mark Zuckerberg's quote this week? It reminded me of a story you used to tell on your show, Ben back in

I don't know.

I think she married a billionaire or something like that. But they even hired Danny and Steve. They hired a comedy writer from one of the late night shows to write her jokes to try.

To make a Yeah, was she pretty? Why did she get the job?

I mean she was okay.

I mean, there's a beautiful woman on TV in la as you know, Danny, and that was. This is many years ago. This probably goes back thirty years. But I don't know, I don't know how, I think, I don't know what. I don't remember what led to her getting the job, but she was not qualified for it. And let's just say we had a field day with that. So Steve, I'm glad you remember. I've only mentioned that story a few times though. Good listening by Steve. But

I will get out on that.

Danny Safe travels to Louisiana for Super Bowl fifty nine. I'll have a wonderful time. I'll give us a full freeloaders update there. Give as much free stuff you can please.

Yes, sir, Yeah. After I produce this fine podcast, I am heading off to the airport.

All right, Well, Safe travels there to the buy You and you guys have a wonderful you listening, have a wonderful rest of your Sunday. Enjoy the Flag Football Pro Bowl if that. If that's your thing, good luck on that. And I will be back tonight eleven o'clock in the West, two am on Monday morning in the East, and we'll talk your ear off all night long, and full shows every day and another TV show this week. So a lot going on, a lot of moving parts, and we'll talk to you next time.

Austa Pasta got a murder. I gotta go.