Kabbooms.
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Wow.
The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
In the Aird e Rewhere you are locked in on the Fifth Hour with Ben Mahler and Danny g Because listen, five nights a week of overnight radio not enough. Danny, of course heard on Covino and Rich during the week here at Fox Sports Radio. But it is the weekend,
it is Saturday. We had the first game of the World Series last night between the Rangers and the Diamondbacks, and Danny, I did want to mention I didn't get to this on yesterday's podcast, but with the World Series now underway, I had a smile from ear to ear, a Cheshire Cat smile. Yet another viral video my Malard monologue grading the World Series matchup and the level of vitriol from Texas Ranger fans and fans from Arizona. Just outstanding,
just wonderful. Sucks, it's just wonderful because the pain, the agony. If you don't agree. If I was a Diamondback or a Ranger fan, I would give the World Series an A plus. But I'm not, and as an outsider, it's a terrible World Series. It's bad for baseball, and the ratings are going to be horrific. But I was so happy, Danny. Reading some of the comments here, this guy said, I sound like a muffin. That was pretty good.
What a muffins sound like?
Yes, I like me. Another person said, typical Boston winer. I didn't realize this in Boston. I had no idea. Go f yourself. It is so good. It is so great. You're just the Dodgers are in. Yeah it is, and uh, of course I'm right. It's a bad matchup. And you know, I'll watch. I watched last night, I'll watch today, and that's fine and all that, but it's just it gets it's so good, Danny. I gotta tell you wrong. By this podcast, we have what do we have on the
agenda here? It's Saturday, this is the twenty eighth day of October. We've got ghostly Pretzels, the cold table, and pop goes the culture. Now, before we get into this, Danny, we need an all points bulletin to be sent out. Yes, the mobile out of the back cave, the backscratcher segment. We have not done one of these in a while because I'm looking at the podcast page here, Danny, and I'm going page down, page down, page down, and we have reached it. It's like a writer that has writer's block.
We've reached podcast review block. Now, how can we fix that? Danny? What can we do to fix that? What do you think? Should we do a contest? Should we give something away?
Like?
What can we do?
Yeah, it's gonna have to involve prizes. Unfortunately, that's gonna have to come out of your pocket.
No, No, I'm sure the company will I Heart will give us some money for the for the podcast, right and get some swag, right?
No, sure, we'll give away some mallor mugs.
Yeah, well we'll see, maybeybe, I'll come up with something. But you don't. You shouldn't need to be bribe. It's pretty simple. It helps us out keeps the podcast going. Apple podcast page right there, you can click on the buttons there's right in the middle.
For Covino and Rich. To get our bribery balls, we had to sacrifice weekly paid guests. Now, I know you love paid guests, big Ben.
Yeah, we have a big budget. Well what we do is we buy, we buy the callers.
And well here's here's the thing. I was given a small budget, not very big, but I was given a small budget in case I wanted, like an NFL expert or an MLB expert or NBA expert to come on once a week. Yeah, I said, I would rather take that small budget and buy a big box and nerve footballs to bribe people to give good podcast reviews. So it's give and take. You got to like give something to be able to get some promotional items.
Okay, all right, well yeah, I mean we can come up with some swag fifth hour swag or something like that, or.
You want to sacrifice from your live radio show.
Iowa, Sam, we can sack I'm Sam and good.
Later, Sam. Your hours just got cut in half. Some swag to give away for the fifth hour podcast.
You're gone, gone, Gone, gone gone. Yeah, so help us out on that if you can Apple podcast page. That's something the company looks at hopefully they're not looking at it right now. And then I got a lot of email this week about the Sunday podcast. Are we gonna wait till Sunday to do the review on how many downloads we got last week? Or should we do it now?
We'll do the reveal tomorrow morning.
Okay, we'll do it on the Sunday podcast. So anyway, we begin with this. It is a yearly tradition at the Malor mansion every Halloween. Just before Halloween, Yeah, the wife throws together a special event for all the kiddos in the family. It is the Mallor Witches Dinner. Now, funny enough, no witches were harmed at the Witch's Dinner, but it's the social event of the year, Danny, and you got to be there. If you're not there, you get a Hecht's and you don't want to get a hex.
So we had last weekend. We had my niece, nephew, We had several cousins, just a bunch of people hanging out. My sister in law was there and my brother in law, a couple of my other cousins, and we cooked up a spooky brew. We had our cauldron out because if you're a witch, you got to cook in a cauldron. So we cooked in the cauldron, and I opened the book of Spells. I had some rituals, we had magic instructions, all of that, and we were able to combine an
old nineteen seventies band earth, wind, and fire. We put all that together, you know, the four elements earth, air, fire, and water. We put those out there. But I did go in the kitchen. I cooked, well, I didn't really cook. I melted chocolate. I was back as the chalkleteer. Haven't done that in a while. So we started futzing around with the chocolate, and it was white chocolate like that. Remember the basketball player for the Sacramento Kings years ago
named white chocolate racist Jason Williams. So anyway, we melted the chocolate. I then took a stick of pretzels, like a pretzel stick. We dipped the pretzel into the chocolate, and then placed some little edible candy eyes on top of the pretzel. And it was a ghostly pretzel at that point. Delicious, those little mini eyeballs, and just great. I made sugar cookies and then I had to cut them into shapes like witches, bats, pumpkins, cats, you name it.
I saw the picture of what you did with the oranges in the apple slices. That was really cool. The orange peeled with the apple slice at the top to make it look like a pumpkin.
Yes, a little trick, and yeah, we went all out. We went all out on that. So it was really cool. Kids seem to have a good time. They just ate a bunch of candy. We had rice, crispy treats and some other stuff, different juices and whatnot. So they were seem to have a good time.
By the end of this hooton Nanny as you call it. Yes, yes, the kids smacked up on sugar, running in circles, screaming. Of course.
Then we had them all leave and they ran out, and that was it. Not our problem, not our problem, not my problem, somebody else problem. You got to deal with these kids. Kids are probably still awake. It's been a week. The kids are probably still awake. They're like it is, still on a sugar high, still going through their bloodstream as we speak. And so what happens, Dan is you just have to throw them down on a cold table. That is what you have to do.
Just pop them down on a cold table. And then you're good, right, Yeah, oh that's what Kaiser does. So a couple days ago, CoA had his dreaded two month appointment at the doctor to get his shots, his first round of shots.
Boo.
I'm not talking about the kind Manty likes to drink right after her shift. I'm talking about the round of shots you don't want to get as a little kid, especially a little infant. This past Wednesday, we bring CooA to Kaiser and it's not a good situation right now. Ben. As you might have heard, they have a little strike going on with their healthcare workers.
I'm a doctor.
They're trying to get a twenty one percent wage hike. I was reading. We all, yeah, so we had to reschedule this appointment. The best of the best we're working. Unless that's not true. Some scabs were in there the whole time. I'm thinking, man, should we take them somewhere else? Like, I don't want to be in the middle of a strike when it comes to my kid and getting shots. Can you really trust scabs? This is like going to a football game when NFL players were striking.
Yeah, it's it's a tough, but what are your options? You your Kaiser's you're medical, right, so you really don't have any other options, are you.
Yeah, that's that's what co Is signed up to. So we were stuck keeping the appointment. We had a backup doctor, we had a backup nurse who was fumbling all over the place, and in little cold check up Room twelve we had CoA in there waiting to get his shots. Three needles. They do three shots into the thigh in. One of the vaccines is oral, so of course they do that first because they know the kid is going to be screaming. Yeah, so they give him the oral first.
He's trying to spit that up and I'm like, good boy, spit it back out, get rid of that crap. Yeah, And that's what sucks about these vaccines too, Ben. Obviously, they got to poison your body with a little bit of the virus whatever virus there giving you the vaccine for that to poison you with a little bit of it so that your body knows how to fight it off.
Yeah. Well, the good thing is, you know he's not gonna remember it, so it's a good thing, right.
So yeah, that's the good part. The bad part is the two days following, are you crying. This nurse finally comes back into the room after the doctor does the update, and you'll be happy to know, cos in the ninety one percent tile in all of his health measurements. So he's a big boy. He's a future NFL linebacker for sure. The doctor said, this is the biggest baby at this age I've seen in a little while, so she was pretty impressed with his stats. Then she said the nurse
will be in shortly to give him the shots. Waiting, and you're waiting and waiting. Ten minutes go by, fifteen minutes go by. My wife mutters, the strike, the stupid strike they're having. Yeah. Thirty minutes later, the nurse comes back in with an assortment of needles and liquid. She says, okay, take his onesie off, you hold his arms. I'm gonna hold his legs down now. This wantn't be that bad. If maybe they thought this through and had like an
oversized stuffed Teddy bear to put the kid on. Yeah, maybe like a little person personal heater pointed towards the kid. No, these poor kids have to lay with just a little diaper on on this cold table. That's there's gotta be a better way, now, this is Obviously parents are laughing right now because they've dealt with this for years. This is my first experience with this. So I'm holding his arms and this lady's jabbing these needles into his baby thighs.
He is screaming, blood curdling crying going on. And when the lady wrapped up, she's like, all right, he'll be okay in a couple of minutes. And she waltzed out of the room. And we have a baby who's as red as a turn up and is trying to catch his breath because he can't breathe.
Yeah, and he's looking at you and saying, what did you do?
Exactly? Yeah, looking at me, and his mom like, why would you torture me like this?
You're supposed to protect me. You put me in here, and what are you doing?
Wow? That day, of course, he had a fever. We had to give him baby tile and all. They didn't do anything for this big guy. So he's crying because of the pain in his legs. He had an upset stomach because of that crap that they made him drink, not fun whatsoever. The day after day two is the worst day because that's when the pain and the legs really hurt. By day three, which was yesterday, he was feeling a little bit better.
So yeah, he just put him in a hot tub, you know, and whatever.
But Ben, we got to do this all over again on December sixth.
Oh, how many more rounds are there's that?
One more round or two more rounds of this?
Two more rounds? Man?
And I'm thinking, does it get easier as they get a little older, or do they hate you even more and look at you and disgust even more that you would let them be tortured like this.
Now that you've done the first round, you can prepare, like what can you You can bring some toys or sign he's too little for that. I don't know what you be.
Yeah, no, yeah, I don't think. And now he's going to have a I think once he's in that little checkup room and on that table, he's going to remembers he's smart.
Maybe this is why a lot of people don't like going to the doctor to that. Is it possible that that is related.
Maybe this is why the nurses want to raise too, because I feel like the next time in there, he's going to kick that nurse in the Adams Apple.
Well, maybe by the next time, the Kaiser thing will be settled and we'll actually have the people back and it'll be a much cleaner, smoother process.
Yeah, we won't have Vince Evans working on him.
It's like it's like the baseball strike players. Remember the night the nineteen ninety four spring training they had all the replacement players and all that.
We'll be grew Garrymore by herself running the entire office.
Yeah, my goodness. All right, we have pop goes the culture. We have a song, so we should probably play the song, right.
Yeah, Ohio Al did a pop pop for us, John.
John Pop pop pop pop pop. Thank you the great Ohio Al. And first story. These are stories that we have uncovered from searching the dark web to give you the latest inside skinny on just random things that are interesting, like, for example, this has been making the rounds here the first ever Florida Man Games. This is big. You'll have events like a mullet contest and beer belly sumo wrestling. I'm all in for that. Put me in man flow. I gotta get Marlin's man to go to this or Gascon.
He's a Florida Man now. And yeah, this is like the Redneck Olympics going on here. One guy in Florida has decided to honor the Florida Man reputation in Saint Augustine, Florida with the first ever Florida Man Games. This guy named Pete I said he wanted to give people an opportunity to live the Florida Man life for a day. And this is a great idea. I wish I had put the money behind. This is gonna make a ton of money. This is gonna be such a big money maker.
It'll become a yearly thing. It'll be on television and they'll make money that way, and the Internet is gonna be viral the people participating in the games, The Florida
Man Games competition will be held you twenty fourth. Participants will get a chance to take part in all kinds of activities, including a weaponized pool noodle mud duel now that sounds like fun essence will where goggles designed to simulate drunkenness and they'll go at it beer belly as mentioned, beer Belly Florida Sumo, where your stomach is the only
weapon you're allowed to deploy. Okay, how about this Evading arrest obstacle course where you're going to be chased, they say, by real actual cops.
You've got oh man Jed who fled needs to sign up for this.
Yeah, he'd be perfect for that. You know who wouldn't be perform that? Baker Mayfield, who is a Florida Man place for the Buccaneers who saw them play the other night. You have, yeah, a self obviously look in the mirror, mullet contest, et cetera. Are some other things here. Florida Man Games will also featured two former members of the American Gladiators cast Nitro and Ice.
So they the two that haven't died from steroids.
They dug up Nitro and Ice and they will be part of this. I gotta tell you, Danny, I'm in. I'm in thumbs up, thumbs up for the Florida Man Games. It's fun. You know what it reminds me of In Pasadena they had I don't know if they still have it, the Dude Do Parade. Remember have you ever heard of the Dude O Parade?
Not heard of that?
Okay, they used to. I don't know if they still have it, but they every every year and they'd have the Dude Dot Parade, which is like mock. It's kind of like mocking. It started out mocking the Rose Parade, which is yeah, it's like people goofing around and stuff. And I think it's been hijacked by certain groups over the recent years. But when I was a kid, just people dressing goofy and funny and walking down Colorado Boulevard or whatever. So having to find fine time, what is next?
Goes the culture here. A list has popped up of twenty eight places women refuse to go on a first date.
We covered this on Covino and Rich. It was popping up all over Facebook and Instagram, and right off the bat, number one is incorrect.
Yeah, that's a great restaurant. And I would not want a data woman that would not want to go to the number one restaurant on this list here, Cheesecake Factor.
No.
And I got into the comments immediately and said, you are a witch if you think there's something wrong with the cheesecake factory.
Yeah, it's absolutely ridiculous.
And the bread alone that they serve you is worth the visit.
I would argue the women that approve this list are women that will be probably single for a while. You know, you know, I'm just saying you know what I mean, Danny, Yeah, go get another cat, don't do a lost cat magnet next. Yeah, like any fast food chain, Buffalo, pretty much every restaurant. These are only restaurants I go to when I was single. Well, church, icond of like, why would you take a date to church? That seems a little that seems a little much. Netflix
and Chill basically was on air. No, no long drive, no sporting events. That's a bad list, man.
Neew plenty of girls back in the day that would have loved to go to a sporting event as a date.
Yeah, it's not. It's ridiculous.
Well by the way house, your house is on there. Well, my wife she went to my house on our first date, so suck it.
Yeah, there you go. And my first date we technically met at a movie theater, although we didn't actually see a movie because we couldn't figure the timing didn't work out, so we went. I think we went to one of the restaurants that is on the list. I closed it out, but I think we went to one of those restaurants. It was a chain bar diner type restaurant.
Pat, you got her a chili dog?
Yeah, exactly. I went to a waffle How about Russell Wilson. That story is great. This week Russell Wilson renting out an entire waffle house for his wife because that's her favorite restaurant for her birthday. Baby, get some waffles. I have a great time. Sirah. There you go. He's lucky. There's waffle houses in Colorado. There are no waffle houses in California. They stop at Arizona. They did not bring the waffle house to where we are.
Oh are you saying that's the deciding factor to sign with the Broncos.
That and the fact he wanted to extort tons of money and stop playing good football. Humans will become immortal, but there is a catch, according to AI. The exclusive report from The Daily Star in London says the secrets to humans living forever could be they put the curve that could in there because you know that's weaselter could be unlocked at some point within the next seventy seven years. I guess we'll be dead if Google's artificial intelligence powered
software is to be believed. So this is good news for your son, Danny, Your son CoA immortal can live forever. The claim comes from Google's artificial intelligence powered language model software called Barred. Never heard of it, but they go into some detail there and they say that within seventy seven years, of course everyone who is live now will either be really old or will be dead. So why not go eighty years. You can make predictions from eighty
years because pretty much everybody will be gone. So yeah, just absolutely, just absolutely wonderful.
I'm going to make sure to alphabetize all of our hot takes that way, when Koa is a mortal on the radio, he could be like, let's listen to a fifth hour podcast hot take from the year twenty twenty one.
And now a classic let's go back in the hot tub time machine to the year twenty twenty two, and here we go. Next up, we have I don't know if I buy this threads. The threads app already has one hundred million monthly users.
Barbiton.
I've stopped going on there. I have a Thread's account, but I don't really go on there anymore. Did I tried it for a while as or whatever. I'll need to go somewhere if Twitter starts charging everybody, but I'm not leaving Twitter yet. They haven't done that. I guess they're going to charge new people. I'm an old person,
so I don't think that's gonna matter. But one hundred million monthly users and internet experts say that they are in position to pass Twitter by that they will absolutely destroy Elon's x. Actually what it's called now exis name was Twitter.
I don't feel like it's user friendly. I feel like Twitter is more straightforward and easy to use, whereas Threads, you're looking at it and you're still sort of confused as to how they want this thing to work.
Yeah, they got to tweak it, they got to update it and all that, and it's gotta there's gotta be ways you can look at stuff, where like Twitter had they used to have the tweet deck, which they don't have anymore, because you've gotta pay for it. So why would you pay for something? What is the first rule? Well, I don't know if it's the first rule of business, Danny, but it's probably the most important rule of business. If you charge people for something that was once free, people
will no longer use it. It is a basic rule. Yeah, despite being the smartest man in the room, Elon Musk clearly did not pay attention to that rule. And this is the problem that the newspaper business had. The newspapers started giving their stuff away for free online and then they wanted to start charging. No one's going to pay for it, So what do you do? And it's problem. So if you start out, Hell, the Internet people want there are people that want the Internet, Yet you have
to pay to go on the internet. Can't do it. I can't do it right.
No way. Yeah, that'd be like if suddenly we said, hey, you know what, the fifth Hour, it's not for free anymore. Wherever you download your podcast, you're going to have to pay us six dollars and ninety nine cents a month.
Heah, now for the right to download the pip And there are people that do that, for the right to download the podcast. Well, there are those pages. And I'm not totally opposed to it. What do they call where you have to donate money Patreon? Patreon? Yeah, Like I wouldn't be against that if I wasn't doing the radio show. I mean, they're paying me to do this, so why should I.
No. I feel like Patreon is something that a guy like Howard Stern would have used way back in the day when he first started. He would have been like raw and uncut and for your six dollars a month, I'm gonna go crazy on this platform. And I get that, but it would have started like that, like you said, it wouldn't have been something he did for a while and then been like, oh, I'm gonna spring this on you at the last minute. Now six dollars or you can't hear this any longer?
Yeah, moving on? What do we have you here?
All right?
How about this? You want to earn one hundred thousand dollars? Danny go to Oregon. An Oregon fisherman actually earns over one hundred thousand dollars in bounties by removing unwanted species in the rivers. So the unwanted species found in the rivers. This guy has gotten over one hundred thousand dollars from doing so. Like, how long does does it actually take?
Though? Who pays him? The state?
Yes, this fisherman in Oregon, he has taking home a grand prize to remove thousands of problem fish throughout the rivers. Here, the anglers earned over one hundred and seven thousand, eight hundred bounties. He took part in the twenty twenty three Northern Pike Minnow Sport Reward program, and the guy caught this is crazy, almost eleven thousand Northern Pike minnows during the season from May through September. And because of that, the reward program this guy cashed in that is that is nuts.
Yeah, what do they do with it? Is eleven thousand fish.
I'm reading the store here at the second place. How about if you're in second place? Second place got nine thousand, seven hundred and eighty six, so they still made ninety so it's not like that's not too bad. But he's about ten thousand less than this guy took away. But man, the first twenty five in one season worth six dollars each. After twenty five they're worth eight dollars each, and after two hundred they're worth ten dollars each.
And that's a cool That is a cool. Last job. When I leave, when I finally blow this popsicle stand and I say I'm retiring from radio, and people say, what are you going to do? I ain't gonna go be a campus supervisor. I'm not going to be a bus driver. I'm not going to be a superintendent or a principal or advice. No, I'm gonna be a damn angler And I'm going to get one hundred thousand dollars for sucking some pike out of the ocean.
It's gotta be a great gig, right, although it must be stressful because if you're not catching stuff at that rate. Though, this guy must have he must have known the all the trick and all that. So the pike minnows have played an active role in the Columbia and Snake River systems in Oregon. They've been eating millions of salmon and steelhead juveniles, so all that there was protecting the salmon.
Ah. There you go with the money. They know the money makers.
Yeah, that makes all the sense in the world. They The numbers are out from Mattel after the summer blockbuster movie of the Barbie Movie, and the claim has made that the Barbie sales went up fourteen percent. Mattel sales of Barbie four shouldn't have been more than that. That seems like it's not enough. I don't know that thing.
I guess it's always been a good seller though.
Yeah, that's a fair point. And plus, the people that went to the Barbie movie most likely had already tons of Barbies, you know, right, so they probably had tons of them. So they didn't really need it and all that. Anyway, all right, we'll get out on that. It is Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday Fun Day today, and he plans Danny, I'm trying to think. Well, I got the TV show which is still airing all over the place. Check your local TV listings.
Please help us out, Benny versus the Penny. We'd love to have you watch that and some different times this weekend because of the NBA playing games and whatnot, So make sure you check your schedule. But what are you got going on today, Danny?
I'm gonna take the WiFi to get some breakfast. We'll see how long we can stay there at the breakfast place before CoA starts to get antsy and starts crying and wants the booby. Yeah. Then we're gonna go to the outlets. Beautiful ben Camarillo, California. I know you've taken little flights into that airport there.
I have have gone by the Camerio Airport.
Yeah, home of the Strawberry Festival. Oh nice, to the Nike outlet there?
Oh okay? And are they are they really cheap?
They're about fifty percent off retail. Now the problem there there's a shit ton of people inside that outlet. There's a Puma right next door. There's a couple other shoe spots as well. We usually go in there and then you feel a little claustrophobic because there's so many people inside the store. Get one pair, stand in a long line, and then get the hell out of there.
Gotcha?
All right?
Well that sounds like a night mirror for me. But welcome. I hope you have a great time, and I'm sure we'll hear all about it next week. We had another podcast. Remember NFL. Obviously, if everyone's playing this weekend in the NFL, no bye weeks this week, you need to download the mailbag. We will find out. I do not even know the numbers. Danny has not told me the numbers on how last week's podcast did. We'll find out together. Have a great Saturday. We'll talk to you next time.
Yeah, and don't forget Benny versus the Penny. Watch that today. I'm going to watch it at eleven PM on the Laker Channel.
Well, it's just a TV channel. I don't know that I call it the Laker. It's a TV channaker channel. It's the Ben Mellor Laker Channel TV channel. I don't know that I would say Laker Channel. I mean it's got other shows on.
Just check your local listings.
It's called Spectrum Sports Net is what it's called.
It's the Ben Mellor Laker Channel. I'll be watching your show there later. Skater gotta murder. I gotta go.