Kabooms.
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to Clearinghouse of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard starts right now.
In the a everywhere you are locked into the Fifth Hour with Ben Mahler and Danny g Radio hanging out at the audio Doe Joe, as we have become yokozunas of the podcast game, which, as you know, Danny, I learned this from Victor Brick, the highest honor in the samurai world, the yokozuna. So very very exciting. And here we are, and it is Sunday. It's an NFL Sunday Week four. I have lost the last two weeks to
a damn penny tremendously embarrassing to me, Danny. The immense pressure of television is destroying my reputation as a game. I had the greatest year I've ever had last year. I'm off to the worst start i've ever had. This year just a nightmare.
It's easy to attribute that to me being the penny last season and now suddenly you are up against you know who.
Am I on? Yeah?
Looney Tunes? Yeah, he cursed you, he cursed you.
Yes he did.
Yeah.
And by the way, the show's going to air a few more times this morning if you're listening very early in the morning before the NFL games kickoff at one o'clock Eastern. In fact, we have a slot. I think we're on again today. I'll have to check SNY in New York City. We have the eleven thirty am timeslot on s n Y. We've been on there the last three weeks. We've been on there eleven thirty on Sunday. And so if you're in New York and you have SNY,
check that out. Danny, this is Sunday, and so you know what that means.
Mail mother sucker, it's in this mail bag.
Thank you, ohioal as you grace us with your brilliance yet again. So here in the mail bag. First up, we have Mike from Fullerton who writes and he says, top of the morning, till you've been And Danny g was last Friday's foot Fungus Mala monologue a one off or will toe Talk be a perma feature on the fifth Hour? Moving forward, It's funny because we did a newbie night this week on the Overnight show, Danny, and this guy called up from Maryland, this old guy, and
he's like, you know, I really liked your show. You know, you're one of the great sportscasters. He compared me to Harry Carey and some other people. But there's always that butt, you know. Then he he said, you have this weird thing where you like talking about bodily functions and you bring up the toes, and you bring up the farting and all that stuff and the vomit comet.
Yeah, so he's not wrong.
He got upset with me. But Mike, I'm not anti toe. I have all my toes, and I have disgusting toes. I have the most disgusting toes in radio. So at any time, if Atonio falls off or toe turns black, I will share with you all the gunk underneath my toenail. I did not, at least I didn't send out a photo of what was underneath my toenail. I could have done that, which would give someone a reason to puke. But I didn't do that, Danny.
I didn't do that. And this past Thursday night, you would have loved Bachelor and Paradise. One of the women who debuted on the new season on the beach there, asked the first guy that she made out with if he would suck her toes, and he examined them. He said, yeah, if you get that sand off of them. So she proceeded to go over to the ocean, get her feet in the water, and then come back. And she's like, all right, I'm ready now. Em I couldn't help but think of you.
Yeah, well again I am. I don't have a foot fetch. People think I'm like Rex Ryan over here.
I don't.
I am not a toe sucker. I just think it's funny how upset Eddie gets when I mentioned that he gets the heat and GBI's when I bring that up, and so I think it's got funny. Mike also says, did you did you hear some show called Covino and Mitch I had a big anniversary party this week that got me thinking, does the Ben Malor shows anniversary get celebrated? Says if Casino and Rich get to have a party in cake, then you deserve one two. Very funny. I
see what you did there. No, I don't even know when the anniversary of the show isn't.
I don't remember that job by your producers.
I don't know what you're talking about, Danny. I have no idea. You know, my producers would stay all night and and work overtime and go the extra mile to to produce imaging.
Now are you telling me even if that entire night was unpaid, they would still do it.
Of course, the dedication to the show, the commitment for excellence and audio. I think the last time we had new imaging you were working on the show. I think. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, I'm not complaining. I love the old imaging. I love it. It's so good we keep it. It's like an old car in Cuba. You know how they drive around those old cars from
the nineteen sixties and fifties in Cuba. It's kind of like, should we just used the same you know, the same images, same opens, the whole thing.
But you didn't even get the s on what is it? Lame joke?
Yeah? No, we couldn't afford the s which we contacted Pat Sajack, And they said, no, you can't. You can't buy an as you can't do it.
So I thought by now you'd at least have the s Yeah.
Next up on the mailbag, Ja from the Motor City, Detroit. We don't get a lot of people from Detroit that send them send us messages, Jay says, Ben liked the show. Enjoy the podcast. Have you considered he oh, this is good, Danny, you'll get a kick out of this. Have you considered a Malord inspired restaurant like your colleague Colin Cowhard has. What would be on the menu? Yeah? Sure, well I'll just start a restaurant, Yes, yeah, yeah, what the.
That would be great? Though? The menu could be filled with hot.
Takee ah, there you go. No, I'll tell you listen, I could make them. If stuff I make, it would be a pretty good restaurant.
And then lukewarm gambling picks.
Hey, how dare you we could have the petty special? Right penny for your thoughts? You know that I would have here's my menu, Ja, And and didn't Coward partner with some big restaurant company? So yeah, if somebody wants to partner with me, the Malard the malard menu would have chicken fingers, pizza, cheese, steak and what else do I make? Famidas fried fried chicken sandwiches. Yeah, fry cookies, oatmeal, chocolate chip, sugar cookies with frosting, teraoki, chicken and rice.
And that's it. Not a damn thing more than that. That's all I know how to make. Oh, pasta, I don't really do a lot of pasta. I don't do pasta, so.
You would need one pasta dish. That way you could stay in business because you could charge twenty two dollars for your pasta plate and it costs you like twenty two cents.
Yeah, that's the Yeah, I'd like the feticini alfredo and uh yeah, that'll cost you thirty six dollars. Okay, So that is a few noodles and some sauce, some white sauce, and that's okay. Yeah, Jay, I liked it. You think I'm bigger than I am. God bless you. But yeah, I don't think we'll have any worry about a mal or theme restaurant. But if somebody would like to start a restaurant, Danny, you want to partner with me on
the restaurant, we could do a theme restaurant together. I think you'd be in on that.
Yes, yeah, No, I don't think the restaurant business is something you want to go into.
Well, not if it's not my If it's not my money, I'd be okay if somebody wants.
To, you know, put oh you would just make money off your name. Yeah, but then what if the whole thing goes down the shitter your name is on it.
Well, I'd have to have my lawyer look over there. Yeah, he'll Billy Mike. Right, So from din Witty Virginia. About that, he says, Ben and Danny g a shout out to John from Pendleton, South Carolina, because that's my hometown. Pendleton was a great little place to grow up. He says, he can spit from there and hit Clemson, so it's a great place to be during football season. Two. Just cool hearing from someone in my old snopping grounds. Yeah,
he'll Billy Mike. You know who the heck knows who's listening. People listening all over the place anyway, he says, sometimes your interactions with certain callers will have me rolling. One of my favorites back in the day was Radio Rich because of you cutting his stories off in the middle right after asking him something. I knew it was coming, and it would still kill me. I really missed those calls.
What got you started with? Cutting him off all the time and knowing that he was never ever going to be able to finish a story? Why do you think he kept calling back? Has me laughing just thinking about it, Billy Mike. Yeah, those are some great stories with Radio Rich. I actually missed Radio Rich from Wheeling, West Virginia.
I do too.
He was quite the character. And so a couple thoughts on that hill, Billy Mike. First of all, we started doing that because Rich would just thrown on and on and on and on, and most of the stories were filled with non sequiturs. They just didn't make any sense. And so it's like, what are we doing here? If you're gonna tell a story, you gotta have a beginning, of middle, and end. You gotta you know, the typical story writing. When you tell the story, it's the same
way you gotta tell the story. You got to build build up tensions, and he did none of that.
And I remember potting him down slowly on the control board.
Oh yeah, yeah, times, Yeah, it was it was very interesting. With him, and the reason he kept doing it is because he loved calling the show. He's addicted the calling radio. That was his thing, he had done his entire life. He's like a cowboy John Brad kind of guy. They love Dick and Dayton. They love the radio and they've always called since they were kids, and that's their thing and that's what they do. And so the one story though, the funniest thing, and the one time we did let
him talk, I think you were with me. He told the story about a hooker. Yeah, yeah, that was wild man. We were like all the every other story stinks. Now he's telling stories about, you know, prostitutes and going to Poundtown with prostetism, Like, oh my god. Anyway, So thank you hill Billy, Mike, Kevin and Kansas right saying he is next on the mail bag, says dear Ben and Danny G. I once drove with a driver's license that
was nearly a year outdated. Now I look at the date nearly every month just to be sure I never do that again. Have either of you ever driven with an expired license or tags, or maybe tried to use an expired credit card? Is it old a or just a forgetful brain, so I trying to remember I have not the license tag thing has happened, but that's more just out of laziness, where I've actually had the new tags and just left them on the counter or in the kitchen and forgotten to put them. I've forgotten to
put them on the car. And then you're like, wait a minute, it's July and I need to put these on the car, and I, you know, I haven't done it. And so then you're worried about getting pulled over. The driver's license thing that usually I'm on the email thing. So they they really love their money, Danny. They love that registration money for the driver's license, so they make sure to they make sure to send you messages so
you get your driver's license. What about you, Any of those things happened to you?
No, And you and I we have to take flights from time to time for work, so our driver's licenses can't be expired or we'd be screwed. Food. As far as the car thing, yeah, I remember I had an Audie back in the day, and for whatever reason, I think it was because of how pricey it was, I had to wait to get the stickers to pay for them. The day that I finally paid for them, Ben, I took a screenshot of the you know, my computer screen
showing that I paid for it. Yeah, And thank god I did that, because that same day I got pulled over and I whipped my phone out and showed them the picture of my computer screen showing that I paid for it that day. And he said, whoo, you were cutting it close and I said, yep, and you're not giving me a ticket, mother sucker.
I you know now that this kind of kind of messed with my head. I remember I was driving in Hollywood.
What's this?
What's the movie TV studio right near where Katla is off of I think off of Sunset.
Oh is that the WB I forget?
Yeah, maybe I was driving on one of the side streets where the audience would hang out to go into those cheesy daytime court TV shows that they film over there, and I got I got pulled over and it was a fixed ticket, but it involved I think I think that might have I might have actually did get dinged for the license plate thing. I got a a citation that I didn't have the right sticker on the on the car, and I think I think that was. Boy, that must have been back in the nineties.
You ever parked your car at an airport and when you got back, you you go to your car and there's a ticket on your window. That happened to me. It's happened to some friends too, because they actually go around and look at every inspect every car to try to get some more money. And the ticket was for not having a front license plate. Oh you know you know what, mother.
Oh, I think that's actually what the ticket was for. I did not have a license plate, and I think that.
Oh, they love to give that ticket in California.
I don't even know where that went the front license plate at the time. Yeah, that must have been it.
There's certain cars that don't even have the screws in the front.
Yeah. The funniest have you seen this? Like where we do the show from there's like these super uber rich people in bel Air and whatnot. They drive down the hill and they've got these exotic European cars, you know
that European license plate which is like long elongated and thin. Yeah, and they have to put the It looks horrible because they've got like a four hundred thousand, five hundred thousand dollars car and they have this beautiful European plate and then they have to slap over at the California plate on top of it. It looks so bad, right, it's so man.
Yeah, it's like putting an ugly bumper sticker on a Ferrari.
Yeah, exactly, exactly. All right, Well, thank you for that, Kevin, and I hope your retirement is going well from from teaching and you're enjoying your free time. Iowa, this one's from Big Lou, he says, i Big Lou, he's on number two, he says, Iowa, Sam is gun shy on playing the racist drop. Can you please play it once or five times in a row? Right now? That is from Big Lou, he says, a request from the multiple time Fat sALS benefactor. And Big Lou has actually gone
and watched Eddie Garcia play hockey. Yeah he has. He has done that, all right.
And he stood out because it was a black guy in a hockey game out there.
You racist out there?
You well, he said, Fat sALS, that's racist.
Racist. Well, Big Lou stands out because he is a very tall human being.
Big Lou, why you have to point out that he's really tall racist.
I know, I know everything, everything outrageous and racist.
You know what I'm doing. I'm trying to get up to five of the drops for him here.
I know, I know, I know, all right, Well, Big lou we love you. And last time I saw Big Louis came by the studio when we had Jay Scoop from He was he was visiting us before he went to the Ukraine. And he's there, right. He actually got injured in the in the Ukraine. I I don't know if I don't think I told that story this week, and I don't know if I think he doesn't mind he sent sent it to me. I don't think he
told me not to tell the story. But Jay Scoop is in the Ukraine helping out the military effort there. He's giving he's working kind of as a medic. Even I don't he's not doing medicine. He's like he's helping out the medics on the front line. Can you imagine some of the stuff that he's seen, you know, with Russia in the Ukraine and all that. But he did send me a message. I'll there was a couple of videos here he was explaining he was injured. He sent he's gonna be okay. But he shared a couple of
a couple of videos from the Ukraine. But anyway, you probably know that Big Lou because you were you were corresponding with him like I'm occasionally corresponding with our fine talented Jayscoop. And he says, oh, he sent some food porn from the Ukraine. And he also says, let's see here a floor beneath him, collapsed guy holding a safety line. Another guy higher up refused to let go of the rope. The worst was whacking my wrist on a cinder block
at the end of the fall. Luckily, X rays were negative, and apparently he's getting some good massages, says x rays in the Ukraine and the doctor visit combined US dollars fifty seven dollars US dollars. He said, for all that.
Whoa, I'm going over there for my facelift.
Yeah, and he sent me the food. I gotta tell you, though the food doesn't look good to me. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna lie a Greek salad, not a fan racist. The potatoes I would eat, you know, chicken keba okay, I could eat the kebab in the onion. Okay, so it's in retrospect, Daddy. On hindsight, it's not too bad initial photo of the see I'm looking at the Greek salad here. That doesn't look good to me.
Your initial response sounded kind of racist.
Racist anyway, Thank you, Big Lou. You're on number two. Fred from Spring Texas. Right sin He says, what did you say here? He says, have either of you received a piece of advice or guidance from a parent, relative, or friend or co worker that you have found especially helpful in life? It says, thanks for the great show. It's one of the highlights of my weekend. Well, thank you, Fred,
and you have been a loyal email content contribute. You can tell your friends Fred, you are a content creator because you're helping fill the content machine here on the mail Bag podcast. So great advice I've gotten, well the obvious basic stuff. Treat people how you would like to be treated. Right, That's the big one that you learn when you're younger from I think most parents teach you that I got some great wisdom from my mom and
dad and little things. I mean that aren't we a product of how we were raised?
Right?
Or your uncles and aunts, grandparents, whoever, whoever raised you. You learn a lot of that stuff. I feel like you learned by osmosis, not necessarily a come to Jesus conversation where they teach everything. You just kind of learned by a small statements and things that you pick up along the way. And you kind of end up end up turning into your parents most of the time, don't you.
Danny's That usually how it goes, even though you're I'm never going to be like my parents, and you kind of end up turning into them.
So sometimes hopefully the more positive things that were going on with your parents, because you don't want to copy any of their negative traits.
Yeah, you'll, I got better versions, right.
Yeah, there you go, better version of your parents hopefully.
Yeah.
Yeah. I think back to the vice president of KCAQ and I was in my early twenties, and he told me do not get any of the radio groupies pregnant, and that was good advice. See he was kind of kidding, but it also made me like think, oh crap, Like, yeah, I can't have kids right now, and so I'm happy I waited until my forties to have a kid. When it comes to career stuff, the great LeVar Arrington told me after it didn't work out in Morning Drive for
me with Jonas and and Brady Quinn. I was on the outside looking in for a moment, and I thought I wasn't gonna work at the network any longer. And I told our bosses the word no, which they don't hear very often now. When they told me, hey, this is going to be your new schedule. You're gonna be the floating producer and you're gonna like work six days on and one day off and this, it was like this weird schedule. I didn't want to do it. And I was just coming off of out kick the coverage
with Clay Travis. Not that I thought I was a badass, but I didn't think I should be relegated to the trenches. So I said, look, I don't know what you might have for me down the road, but I don't want to go backwards. Oh no, no, no, you wouldn't be going backwards, but you do have to do three or four editing shifts. I was like, that is going backwards. I'm like, no, I'm I'm sorry, respectfully, I'm going to
decline your offer. Oh my gosh, good three four weeks where I was just sitting there thought I wasn't going to work at the network anymore. And during that time, which was really hard, LeVar reached out to me and he texted me and he said, hey, dude, I really appreciate all the hard work you did on the morning show for me. He's like, make sure you come back, but when you come back, come back even stronger. I
was down and I was feeling depressed. When I read that, I was like, yeah, you know what, I'm going to just focus on what I can do to get back even better. And one of the things that helped me do that is I came on the podcast with you, and I started doing weekend shows and worked my way back in on Sundays with Covino and Rich and then
that show blew up Poom goes to Dynamite. Exactly what LeVar told me to do is what I did, and so I always look back at that advice from him and I'm really grateful for that.
Well, that's great. I not heard that before. And also, I gotta tell you, I mean, we kind of have this in common. Although I actually was laid off, I was whacked by the company. You were not, but I got let go in O nine. I had been at Fox Sports Radio for nine years and January twentieth, vote nine, I got the walking papers in a mass execution of employees.
And I was out of work for six months in twenty six days, and I was filling in at WI and I got an audition at the Angel station in Anaheim at am a thirty, and I was like, I don't know if I'm going to ever find regular work again. And I've actually had more success in this part of my career than I did before that, so it does occasionally work out. We got time for one more. Let's go to Neil from the real Greenville in the Carolinas is a home of minor league South Atlantic League champions.
Hopefully you got the big head hats I sent you two weeks ago. You know we have not gotten those hats. Have you gotten the hat stand? I have not gotten that hats.
No, but I did see a couple of boxes in that mail area by the white table and oh, okay, sure, yeah, where Ty Shirt keeps all of his all of his shake stuff.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll have to check.
Uh.
We had we used the Pony Express for the mail, and they went out of business about one hundred years ago, so it's a little tough. But anyway, says the word of the week is an awesome segment, short and sweet. I dig it, by the way, curious to hear about the underwater house Looney got you to buy. Have you sold it and recovered in the crazy inflationary period? He says,
And now for the real question. And now that both of you got activities that keep you beyond busy, what is the mal or michigas you two miss that you wish you had more time for. And check out this place. I came across there during my travel, so that's pretty cool. There's a photo here. Well, I own I still happen to own the Mallord the original Malar monologue, which is underwater. It is not as far underwater as it is. I have not sold it. I am breaking even on it now,
which is good I have. We're a landlord. The Malord family is a landlord. We have some people staying there in the hood in Lincoln Heights, beautiful neighborhood of Los Angeles. Just picturesque, no crime at all. O Graffeiti, just one to get smack. Yeah, exactly. The avenue gangs over there. But yeah, so we still own it, haven't gotten rid of it yet, kind of keeping it around at some point, you know that you can, if you can kind of tread water long enough, then all of a sudden, the
tables turn. Obviously, it's just basic real estate. As far as what I miss, you know, I don't know that I miss anything. I just don't have as much downtime, which is probably not good health wise. My wife says, I need. I'm terrible at not doing anything. I always have to work or do something. But you know, a lot of people just love time off. I don't have a lot of that. But I don't think I'm really missing anything. I cook on the weekends, we go to the beach a lot, we see family on the weekend,
so we're always up to something. But what about you, What about you, Danny? Anything you're missing because you've got crazy hours? Like me?
In my garage, I try to put that little podcast studio together, and it's really hard because it's still half completed. There's a little project I was doing with my car that's half done. I still have intinted the windows. I have a list of things I want to get done that stuff. I have to push off because obviously your job and your family comes first, for.
Sure, for sure. Neil also says, I forgot to mention. Down in the Super South part of Miami, we cook gator and pig hole. Oh my god. He sends a photo here. He says the gator tastes very, very chewy and not good. He says, like you were eating something that you are not supposed to eat. Stop trying, he says. Kangaroo, on the other hand, he says, in the outback of Australia, on the barbie, as they say, taste great, like the best lamp you've ever had. I think he met lamb,
but he put lamp. Maybe he met lamp, I don't know. And Ozzie was in Western Australia. Actually, it's funny. He sent a photo of a kangaroo. He says. Kangaroos are just deer that went to prison and pretty funny. All right, we'll get out on that. You got things to do, Danny, I got things to do. It's NFL Sunday, Remember Benny versus the Penny Here. Check your local TV listings early in the day. It stops airing after one pm Eastern
when the NFL game starts. I know there's an early game today in London and all that, but I think the wait till after the early game. Anything you want to promote here, Danny.
Let's see be back with Coveno and Rich tomorrow afternoon from two to four on the West Coast and five to seven pm in New York City. And I just want to say, go Raiders, please get your shit together. I don't want to hear any more. Ben Mallard Davante Adams monologues.
Oh, Davante. I did a monologue on Benny versus the Penny this week. Guy said Davante Adams wants to be traded, And no he doesn't.
He he's gonna stay there. He's got the money, he's got the cachet, he's got a nice city. They just got a gel and come together. They actually have some decent players, and they have some shit players too mixed in to their roster. But it'll shake out.
And they're in La today. By the way, they're an ingle.
Yeah, it'll be the real home opener for the Raiders because that's going to be mostly silver and black inside.
So far, how crazy it is going to be Danny for the Raider players. They play at home, it's not a home game. There's more fans of the other team, right, it's like LA. But yeah, just play in LA. It's gonna be like it should be in Vegas because there's so many more Raider fans here in LA. It's wild.
It is crazy when you think about it like that, and it just goes to show you the Raiders brand new, state of the art stadium should have been in LA. But that's a whole nother episode of the podcast.
And I'll be on the radio tonight breaking down all the NFL games and hopefully not losing my ass to the penny again. Be safe, live long, and prosper and we'll catch you next time.
Thank you later, skater Hi.
I like the Saints, gotta murder.
I gotta go