Kabbooms.
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Wow.
It's a clearinghouse of hot takes. Break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard starts right.
Now in the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with Me, Big Ben and Danny g Radio. Happy Saturday to you as we slide into the twenty fourth day of August. And I don't know what you're having for breakfast today, Danny, but it's National Waffle Day today, so celebrate appropriately.
Oh. I love blueberry waffles.
You're all about the blueberry waffle. Yeah. I don't eat breakfast food very often, but I don't reject waffles. I'm a big fan of the waffle. Which, by the way, fun fact, fun fact. We got to start the Saturday Pie with a fun fact. And the word waffle first appeared in the English language in the seventeen hundreds. That word goes back to seventeen twenty five, but it wasn't
until the eighteen sixties. Almost eighteen seventy eighteen sixty ninety exact year, someone named Cornelius Swarthout received the first waffle iron patent in Troy, New York. So you can thank Cornelius for bringing the waffle to America. So congratulations to Cornelius.
But yeah, it's national an American hero.
He is real patriot, real patriot businessman. Over three quarters of Americans love golden brown waffles, seventi percent. The region you want to take a guest, which region of the US eats the most waffles.
The most waffles, I'm gonna say at Atlanta.
You are well, you're correct. The South. Yeah, eighty one percent of Southerners say they love their waffles, and it's it's everyone kind of likes it. The least popular place for the waffles, like the Northeast. Those codres in the Northeast not big fans. But anyway, in this podcast, it is said, I hope you heard the Friday podcast. I was excited to bring Looney Tunes back. The big announcement Benny Penny is back season two. We're going national this
year on Peacock. We're still on regional cable television. On NBC, but they're putting us on Peacock, so I'm very excited about that. It's gonna be a fun season. You can go back and hear that from yesterday's podcast with Looney Tunes as we broke it all down and just played grab ass, I told the story Danny of Tom Looney at the Big Power dinner that we had in Boston, and Looney took about three hours to finish his broccoli.
Everyone was done eating, we were all waiting for Looney to finish, and it was he was eating like like an old geezer, you old man. It was really really uncomfortable. It was really it took forever, you know, and you want to be polite, but I also wanted to like poke Looney in the arm and say, what are you doing? You know, we got places to go. We don't want
to sit here and watch you eat broccoli. And it reminded me of those old meetings we had at Fox where we'd all agree not to ask any questions, get the meeting over with, and then Looney would inevitably ask like fifteen questions at the end.
Yeah, yeah, and you know, how to not be that guy sitting at the table for that many hours with broccoli.
How's that?
Don't order frickin' broccoli. That's that's what I said.
I told, I said, listen, they got so many great options. We went to an expensive restaurant. We all got steak because I'm not paying for it. Why I don't even really like steak that much, but I'm not paying for it.
Why not?
And Louie gets the side up broccoli. No, give me this whole raps of well World on TV.
You know, if you got to have some greens, get the fancy asparagus right next to the steak and the mashed potatoes.
Well, yeah, or just I guess it's really the cooking process, right, If you get roasted and maybe you put some sauce or something on it, you can eat it. It's possible to enjoy it. But that's not my domain. So on this podcast, we've got unleashed the power, offer up adulting, the trident and whatever else pops up here. So we'll begin with this. I have not one, but two or two dogs. I got Moxie, who is an English bulldog, and Luigi, who is a combo dish of a French
bulldog and a pug. Otherwise no as a frog. And so we've had these dugs for about a year. We lost our beloved Bella a year ago, and then we waited a little while, not long, not long, picked up.
Not too long before you replaced her.
Yeah, yeah, that's usually how it works. Maxie and we went through the proper. We sat shiva. We were mourning for a little bit, then we went and moved on. But Maxi and Luigi, who I love them. However, I'm gonna say the word butt, which means I don't really love them, because when you say the word butt, everything before the word butts a lie. So Maxie and Luigi have an addiction to urinating as soon as they come out of the Malar mansion, a little concrete in the back,
and they immediately have to relieve their bladder. And over time it has become a bit of an issue because if you every single day, twice a day, if you go out and you take care of your business right there there, eventually becomes a bit of an odor becomes an issue.
So I was.
Able, with the help of the wife there, to solve the problem here, Danny, we went on the interweb and bought a power washer, a starter powerwasher.
Oh that's an old guide purchase.
I feel. Let me tell you something. I love it. I am so happy. I am embracing this because middle age is great, Danny. Because I got a griddle which I love. That was a couple of years ago, a Blackstone griddle, which is just wonderful. And now I've got the next level powerwasher. It is amazing, and it really it's a starter. It's not like a high end one. It's not I can't go out and get commercial jobs with it. It's not that much of a power washer.
But it's wonderful what I need. It wasn't all that much. Very cool. I've been unable to unleash the power. I was able to clean the concrete where the dogs have been pissing up a storm. I even got carried away. I washed the front of the Malor mansion. I was able to clean the blue malormobile Harvey liked. And this thing, Danny, is like a professional car wash. They've got an attachment that you can put the soap on it and it sprays out like it's at the car wash. It's just
a wonderful device, and I feel very productive. I feel very masculine with the powerwasher, split splash.
Your neighbors are like, get off our driveway.
Well, I did get a little carried away this past weekend because I was so excited to have this thing that I was trying to use it on all different you know, I want to see what it could clean. And there's different attachments to it depending on how powerful you want it to be. And you got to be careful because you don't want to hurt yourself. You know, it's so powerful that it could damage your skin if you put it right in your hand, right in front of it. So I was just experimenting. It was like
in Frankenstein's lab. I was just experimenting and messing around and all that. And I got carried away. And it was kind of hot this past weekend here in the south Land of southern California. And I'm a bit of a vampire from doing the Overnight show. So I got a bit of a sunburn, a bit of a sunburn on my legs and my arms. And because I was out there and I didn't put any suntand lotion on, I wasn't like going to the beach or anything like that. And I lost track of time, and then I was like, oh.
Man, is it a truckers tan?
Yeah, it was a bad. It's not bad. You know, no one sees me him at night and no one no even noticed. But it was a little painful. The worst thing about the sunburn now is when you go into the shower, the hot water just kill it. Stings when you got a sunburn. Foh, drizzle, Oh it's bad. What I should have done, Danny's I should have gone on offer up and bought some suntan lotion or something. I didn't do that. I did not go on there.
Good luck buying something as inexpensive as that on offer up, because you know, usually if it's an item that's under twenty dollars, people don't even want to make the trip to go pick up the item. So you know, offer up is better for bigger or more expensive things that you're trying to get rid of.
Outdoor furniture. Well, you had the famous stor with your son CoA, right, you went to buy a stroller. Was it was that? What?
Yeah? Oh? That No, it was the skip pop remember.
Okay, yeah, yeah, I remember, I forget exactly, but I remember you were buying something for your side.
Yeah, that bouncer and the lady had Oh she had spilled mango all over it. Remember it's like clean your shit before you try to sell it. And to prove my point on that there was a cat for sale. God help us all. Our teenage daughter wants a cat for herself. We have one in the house with a doggie. You were talking about your two dogs. Well, two days ago I took her when I got home in the evening from CNR, I took her to where a cat was being sold. And supposedly it's like this twenty five
hundred dollars British short hair. We walk inside this house to visit the cat ben and it reaked of cat piss inside their living room.
Oh wonderful. That makes you really want to beat cat right there.
Oh bur all over their furniture, and that that scent of cat piss has got to be one of the top ten worst smells in the world. Once they pee like that, if you don't get them spade or newter, and then they start like the male starts spraying. Man, you cannot get rid of that odor. Whatever they pee on, you'll have to burn it. So that's one. That's one. Now, she didn't find that on offer up that would have
been too good. Everything on offer Up's even worse than that right now, So I have a few items on there, and I keep getting these drive buys. It's so annoying when you sell something on the offer up app. You go and you put old you market sold, and it has you give Like this podcast, it has you give five stars to the buyer if they're worthy, and the seller vice versa, and it has you, you know, rate the doing business with them that way.
Everybody has kind of like.
A little track record on their profile, so you know who you're dealing with. Well, I have right now one of my e bikes for sale. Over the years, I paid monthly on getting two of these suckers. One was a city bike that I bought in Burbank, and then when I moved outside of La in the San Fernando Valley here where we're at, there's all these hills and the city bike just won't work on these hills, so I needed the fat tire.
Have you seen those e bikes with the fat tires?
Yeah, yeah, those are the way to go there.
Yeah, that's one of the big reasons for me having problems selling the other e bike. I have the city e bike for sale and nobody wants it. Ben it is a beautiful thousand dollars bike. I'm trying to sell it for not even half that price.
It's not fat enough. They want they want to exactly.
I've had two customers come test right it and they're like, Wow, what a beautiful bike. But you know what, it just doesn't happen the pickup I was looking for in the in the tires. They don't want bikes, they want mopeds, they want motorcycles.
Well listen, you know, you know where I live in the north Woods, and every fricking kid around here it is like a moped. It's like a motorcycle. It's insane. I I mean I back in I on want to be old guy back in my day, but I was like, we drove bikes around. We thought we were going fast going down a hill. But these guys are going like forty five miles an hour on a bike.
In the city bike. It's not some weeny thing. It's not some flimsy ten speed. It's called a stealth Hurricane. It's a thick, well made bike, but it's got the city tires on it. Eyeamn, the max speed with the pedal assist is like twenty five, twenty six miles per hour. These kids and youngsters who are buying bikes, they want bikes that go forty five miles per hour, which aren't even street legal. By the way, you need a special
license for that. But do you think any of these people are getting the license.
I'm gonna go no for a thousand Hell no.
If the cops wanted to be dicks, they could pull all these fat tire kids over and give them tickets. Now I've struck out twice with people test writing it. I get one guy just a week ago who said, he writes, this is where the Lebron James violin music should come in. He writes me a sad note about how his car was in a minor accident and it's on the shelf right now. He can't even drive to Sherman Oaks. He needs me to drive the bike to him in Santa Monica.
Oh no, no, no bueno. He says.
He is taking ubers and getting rides from coworkers to get to his job right now. But to hang on and I hear the violin again. He feels bad though, because if I come all the way to Santa Monica. What if it's not a good match in a red flag right now and offer up. When anybody says I want to see if it's a good match or not, that means they're not going to buy it.
Yeah, so what we don't even bother, right and move on. That's it.
I'm good, Yeah, I'm I'm to the point right now.
And no, I did not drive the bike to Santa Monica yesterday. He wanted me to take it there Friday afternoon.
I didn't do it. He's like, after your shift, can you come.
I'm yeah, I'm going to sit in traffic for two hours to bring a bike to you that you probably will test drive and then say, yeah, the tires aren't fat enough.
Yeah, just tell him to send you like forty bucks per gas or something you'll drive out there.
Yeah. Well, if this guy can't even fix his car, chances yeah. Yeah.
And that's the other thing you get all these lowballers on there. He already was trying to cut the price down by forty bucks. I'm like, so you're offering me forty less than what I'm listening it for and you want me to drive all the way to you. I don't know, I'm close to retiring my offer up career.
That sucks.
I might just take weekend trips to the city to have an excuse to ride the city bike.
There you go, Well maybe when Co is old. By the time Co is old enough to ride that thing, that thing will be uh out extinct.
Right.
Yeah, by the time he gets to a bike, they'll probably be flying jetson's bikes.
Yeah. Well, we did talk about that it is legal not have flying flying cars, so flying bikes that's that's gonna happen. So I mentioned the unleashed the power I get this power washer up and futzing around with that. Also we asked the question is there a gardener in house?
We noticed in the back that there's a lot of flooding going on behind the mall mach and while we were doing some adulting this past weekend in addition to the powerwasher, and it was pointed out we talked about this in the past on this podcast that Moxie, our bulldog, loves water and loves attacking any source of water, which includes sprinklers, and so we noticed Moxie's been eating several sprinklers and so there has been at one point water
going in the air everywhere a massive geyser style courtesy of our dog Moxie. So we addressed the fountain in the yard, and we made several trips to Home Depot, multiple multiple stops fixing sprinklers. Now this is something that thanks to YouTube is possible. I believe prior to YouTube it was impossible, Danny, but we've been able to fix
the sprinklers because of these YouTube videos. And if you get someone who's like a professional to do it, like a guard, they charge you like eighty ninety bucks or something like that. But you can buy the sprinkler for like ten fifteen bucks and do it yourself and save seventy or eighty bucks, depending on how much they try to price gouge you. And it's real easy, Like it's real simple. You just seed a couple of things from from Home Depot or Low's or whatever your local store is.
And so we were doing that and very productive, you know, the powerwasher, the fixing the sprinklers and all that. So that was good. And then as far as the radio show this past week, it was wonderful to have our friend Robbie the Marger fan came by. You might have seen some photos.
Rob I was just gonna say I saw the pictures.
Yeah. Robbie's a great guy. He lives in Oregon, actually not in Seattle, but he's in the Pacific Northwest. He loves his Seattle Mariners. He has been a loyal minion since you were on the show, Danny, back in the day. Robbie's been with the show a long time. And I met him him back in twenty nineteen before the pandemic, and we were at the Seattle Meet and greed. It was was great, and then Robbie was there hanging out
with us. We had a fine time and he I told him, I said, listen, you ever get to La and let me know, I'll give you the tour of Fox Sports Radio. And it only took five years, but he showed up this week and he was very excited the VIP tour of the mothership, Fox Sports Radio's headquarters there and it was great. Dan. I was walking around, I was like, I felt like I was a tour guide at Universal Studios, like I said, I might. Walking through.
I'm all right, well over here is where the cockroaches are, right, that's right there, there's several cockroaches died right there, and then I'm like, this is where the ghost of Casey Casem is right over here. This is where he used to do his Top forty Countdown show. I'm sick and tired of doing it. Coming in on an upbeat song and I got to do a death dedication for a
goddamn dog. I'm singing, you know, do that? Holy so Casey case his little booth is there, and pointed out to to Robbie where wrong button Bob turned the network off the air. The rack room.
That's the fun fact, fun fact. Can I get the Ohio Al sounder?
Yeah, go ahead, Ohio, I'll give it to me, Ohio Al.
And you got to add this to your tour ben That rack room used to be where the kitchen was when it was a Denny's.
Dummy, I did not know that.
Yeah, that was the kitchen area.
Okay, Yeah, I try not to go in there. There's cameras in now. I don't know where they go, but there's cameras in there. But I don't want to hit the wrong button. If wrong button Bob hit it, I don't want to be wrong button Benny. I don't want that, so I don't I don't go in there. I showed uh where I show Robbie the old studio, pointed out the old studio. He could not believe how far away Eddie and the Update people were from the main studio.
Yeah.
I showed him the fountain across the street where Eddie stood there like a jack wagon in the fountain. We pointed out the Whole Foods about a block away where all the celebrities shop, right Danny Big Oh, Yeah.
Did he see the famous l Toyo Loco where I ate chicken with mister t Oh?
Yes, I don't know. I mean we drove by it, so he might have seen it. I pointed out where a lot of the homeless there like to do their drugs, and that little fire escape on the side of the building. When you leave the parking garage.
There a bunch of hookers and cocaine.
I pointed out that many a night I have seen people in there shooting things into their veins as I've been driving around. So it was the VIP to. It was great. Robbie seemed to really enjoy it. It was fun. We put him on the air for a little bit and it was great. I also took a bunch of crap this week, Danny, because I was asked by the company to sit in with Rob Parker. I need a cole shower.
Oh yeah.
You came on right after the Covino and Rich show, so I heard at least the first half hour of you blabbing with Rob.
Yeah, hanging it out with Rob. And they asked me to sit in. And they usually asked me maybe three or four times a year, not regularly, rare and appropriate and inevitably what happens when I am not on the normal post overnight, they gave me the night off and I sat in with Rob and it's it was great.
I mean, Rob was really kissing your ass on the air.
I don't I don't think enough. But Rob was very nice. It was it was fun, and man, is it easier. I forgot how easy it is to do a three hour show compared to a four hour show. It's like, holy crap, this is such an easier world that fourth hour. Not that four hours is hard, mind you, but when you go from using four hours of airtime to three hours, it's like, oh my god, it's a whole different world. Perfect.
So that was that was kind of cool. I was like, we were getting ready for I was getting ready for hour four. I was like, the show's over, Like I'm ready for another hour. I mean, I don't know what is this.
That's how we feel when we fill in for the Dan Patrick Show. We're like a third hour, three hours, and in that third hour we're like, man, we should be home already.
Oh yeah, yeah, you're used to your your routine and and but but yeah, I know it was it was fun. We had a good time.
Did you guys actually get into it over any topics?
No, it was we We didn't really fight too much, and usually what we fight about is baseball. There was there really wasn't anything juicy in baseball that really really
got going. We we did debate Russell Wilson. That was the one that resonated with the insers who and they got pretty upset with me, which is annoying because it's it's one of these things that we have to deal with in sports radio where you know you're right and the people on the other side are just being fanboys and they're delusional and they're you know, fan is short for fanatic and all that, and like they're they're really
trying to upsell Russell Wilson. They were given me the whole arguments like well, you know, twenty six touchdowns and it or someven because my whole point it was that this is not an upgrade. If Russell Wilson is indeed the starter in Pittsburgh, this is a lateral move. You might as well have kept Kenny Pickett. And they were getting so upset. They thought this was like the most
outrageous thing, being a shock jocking. So I knew I was right, and I was like, okay, I'll let you be an idiot, let you be all emotional and ver klempt Oh. Russell Wilson's great. You know you said he was good at one point. Great, And I'm thinking of myself. He's never ever gotten a single vote for the Most Valuable Player Award. Don't you think maybe one of those years, if he was great, he would have gotten I don't know,
one vote for the MVP award. Possibly, Like he has as many votes as you listening have, Danny and me, all of us, that's it, you know, as many votes for the MVP. We have as many as Russell Wilson. The mother of all stats, which I was very proud. I dug deep in the rabbit hole.
On this one, Danny.
So, last season, Russell Wilson in Denver had twenty six touchdown passes and eight interceptions, So those numbers look pretty good. I was like, well, those are misleading numbers, you know. I was pointing out that that's not really an accurate reflection of his performance. And it was going through all that, and I then stumbled on this mother of all stats, which I'm very proud of, very very proud of. So with Russell Wilson in Denver last year, the Broncos passing
offense ranked twenty fourth in the NFL. The Pittsburgh Steelers, who mostly had Kenny Pickett, finished twenty fifth in passing offense.
Wow.
The difference between the Russell Wilson led Broncos and the Kenny Pickett led Steelers was two point nine yards per game difference between the Broncos and Steelers. So that's within the margin everver. So I point this out of and what do you think the Steeler fans do?
Well, it doesn't matter.
You're just giving numbers, of course, and you give me numbers back at me. The twenty six and eight, you give me those numbers. Russell Wilson has been sucking for at least three years, and I look forward to his failure in Pittsburgh. I like Mike Tomlin, but there they'll win some games because of their defensive special teams, but not because of Russell Wilson. And so we we got.
Did you celebrate after you made that point? Did you grab your junk like Jesse Winker of the Mets?
Oh?
When he was You know what I did? I dotted the eye like the Ohio State marching bat. I I doubt that. Yeah, yes, what's he gonna do?
You did the move and you're like, lateral bitches.
What's he gonna do if he ends up? Jesse went, you're hitting a home run in a playoff game because he's You can't get more over the top than what he did hitting a home run against the Baltimore Memorials. So what's he gonna do if you it's a home run in a in a big spot, in a playoff game.
This was a regular season game.
I know the Mets are trying to chase that last wildcard spot, but he said he blocked out. You're right, what's gonna happen if he's on a bigger stage?
Yeah, good luck on that? Are we have the idiom of the the idiom of the week. It's an email from our friend Sarah in Minnesota, and Sarah says, hey, Ben and Danny, this phrase has bugged me for a long time. Push it back, which actually means to push it forward by some amount. Why it makes no sense to me? Think of another saying turning back the hands of time. We all know that means to go back in time. Why does push it back mean to go forward?
She says? Thanks guys. Sarah from Minnesota says Ben. By the way, we met you at the mal Or Meet and greet in Minnesota last May, and we still wear our purple shirts from that event. Well, thank you.
Oh yeah, that's the event where you were kind of in a bad mood at first because you had just got a speeding ticket.
Yes, on my way on my way to the event, I got pulled over by the Minnesota state trooper. But yes, I do remember meeting you, Sarah, and it was great. We had a great time. But here's the problem, though, Sarah, I went deep into the dark web to try to find the origins of push it back, and I failed you. I could not find anything. You have stumped me. So if anyone listening here, if you listening, has the answer
to push it back, Like I've I've heard it. That's like a cheer if you go to a high school football game, push it back, push it back, right, isn't that one of the cheers the cheerleaders do.
Yeah.
It was also a big hit by Salt and Peppa.
Well, yeah that too, but it was like defense, push it back, push back. It sounds like a high school, high school thing, so I could I couldn't find that.
Now.
The idiom that we are going to use here is chip on your shoulder. You ever used that? Hey, this guy's got a chip on his shoulder, right, you know that guy over? That guy a schmuck, it's got a chip on his shoulder.
Gotta be right.
Yeah, I guess from freed Ola. It's the Freeto Bandito came up with it. Actually, no, the term to have a chip on your shoulder originated in the eighteenth century the British royal dockyards. Now, the way this works, the legend goes that way back in the eighteenth century, the fellas working on the ship they were called ship rights, and the people that employed them through them a solid They were permitted to carry chips pieces of wood for
fuel or building. They could carry some chips home on their shoulders, and the meaning first appeared in a play. The phrase also reported to be originated the modern version from the nineteenth century and the practice for a fight. If you wanted to engage in a fight, supposedly you carry a chip of wood on your shoulder and you dare someone like, hey, Danny, I dare you to knock
this off my shoulder? I dare you, you know, and you know, chip on your shoulder, and then somebody would try to knock it off, and then you'd engage in a fight. I think the British the British shipyard once seems more more viable to me, or more viable. But those are the two origin stories for chip on the shoulder. I think we'll get out on that. Danny. It is Saturday. You got anything going on today? What do you got in your world?
Well, after I finished producing this fine podcast, got to sit my big butt down in front of the TV and watch Florida State at Georgia Tech.
No, no, no, no, can you believe it's time for college football?
And then in just what a short week, in a few days NFL.
Well, yeah, we've got college football this weekend. Next weekend, college football has the full slate because the NFL is dark. And then the week after that it starts on Thursday night, Chiefs and Ravens, I believe is the first game. I think that's the first game of the NFL season. All right, very good. I will be hanging out, schmoozing around, messing with my powerwasher, and probably doing something on the griddle. But I have a wonderful, wonderful rest of your Saturday,
And we have another podcast tomorrow. We'll have the mail Bag tomorrow's will talk to you then again tomorrow. Have a wonderful rest of your day.
Austa pasta bafolation