The Fifth Hour: Total of Two Ears

Kubbooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow, it's the clearinghouse of hot takes. Break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now in the air.

Everywhere you have stumbled on to the Fifth Hour with Ben Mallor you already knew that. It's one thing about podcasting, you have no surprises. You can't scan the podcast dial and stumble onto a podcast.

But it is the Fifth Hour.

Myself, Ben and Danny g We are here every single day on the weekends. And you hear me during the night on the overnight on the Ben Mahler Show, and Danny's on with Covino and Rich and we have a rye at the big day day. Today is the day.

Yeah, you take this podcast. I take it with me on the weekend when I travel. Are you one juicy lucy down yet? How many burgers have you had so far?

Well? I am fired up tonight is the night the main event.

People have been asking me the cool thing about this, and I'm reminded every time we do one of these type of events that a lot of people would like to be part of it, but they have plans. And so then I've had people email me Danny and say, hey, I can't make the event on Saturday night, which is tonight, So can I see you on Sunday or Monday, just like available whenever.

That's not quite how this works.

But if you somehow have missed this, I know I said this on the on the Friday podcast, we talked hiccups. First ever podcast I've ever done, first ever show about hiccups, Dandy, I can now cross that off my bucket list. I've adversed that, but I did like the woman pointed out that they think that hiccups are because we used to be fish.

I think that is yeah.

And I already ordered some of those lollipops.

Yeah, the lollipops the way to go. Anyway, get to the point, So tonight is the night. Depending on when you're listening to this, it might be a long time from now, It might be just a few hours from now five pm to nine. Obviously, local time in Minneapolis and again the Mermaid in and event Center. It is on like Donkey Kong in Beautiful Mounds View, Minnesota.

One thing I know for sure is this is going to create a lot of content for you, as I'm sure you're going to be taking a lot of notes and so next weekend, our Friday podcast is going to be pretty exciting.

Well that's assuming the company can afford the rights fee. As you know, a postgame show, Dany is very pricey for an event like this, and they'll be competing networks that will all be trying to get those nice that feeling of excitement after a big event. But we've had We've had a lot of fun. I've done these things a few times. You were the last one we did in southern California. Danny pop by and said hello to the to the fans.

Of the show.

And we'll hopefully do another one down the line. But this is the Minnesota event. Hollering James is supposed to be there. I'm looking forward to that. Ohio Al is going to be making a trip from a while. We've got Doc Mike from Chicago, Regina the Hostess with the Mostest Live Band. Tonight so that's good. I don't have to talk as much because there'll be a band there. I can just listen to the band.

And there's all kinds of there's acts throwing, there's bolling.

And it would be so awesome if it just turned out to be you and Regina throwing axes all night by yourself.

Yes, and Doc Mike urinating in the corner. And that's possible. That is possible that that's the only people that.

Show up to the Seaue.

You never know because people say they're going to show up and then they don't show up. But this place is massive, This mermaid in an event center that's hosting this one hundred thousand square feet of event space. They've got all the bells and whistles, they got a full service bar and grill, and so we are fired up. We are fired up for this. So again, that is tonight. But as far as this podcast, we've got meatball Surgery, El Loco Loco and Pop Goes the Culture.

So we've got a lot to get to.

So let's get right into it right now, and we begin with the meatball surgery. So this past weekend was a normal weekend.

No big event or anything.

Like that.

So we get behind the microphone and the headphones and the life of Mallard and Danny g on the weekends, and we're pretty boring most of the time. But anyway, last weekend I was Benny the baker. I was back in the kitchen Danny. As you know, it's my stick duty to big cookies on the weekends and then eat them during the week and we had talked on the radio show about snicker doodle cookies, and so I got in my head to make snicker doodle cookies. And as always what I do is I try to find I

And what an amazing life I'm living.

So then I'm making the oatmeal raisin, which is a lot of lot of ingredients and you know, whatever, it's it's it's I don't even usually like oatmeal raisin, but these I like because they taste. They don't taste like your normal oatmeal raisin. So I make the I'm making the dough and I use a kitchen aid mixer to help me bring everything together. Put all the ingredients in there. It's really simple.

So I'm using the kitchen aid mixer.

I am across the kitchen on the island and I am preparing some other ingredients and I hear this sound like it's like a factory of like metal crunching into metal, and I'm like, what.

You know, what is pot? What is going on? Makes no sense?

You know?

What the hell.

Is?

That a bad word?

So I don't want to I don't want to offense or scratch off in Arkansas because he says I curse a lot on this podcast. I don't want to offense or scratches anyway. So I turn around and much to my dismay, the dough that was being made for the oatmeal raisin cookies after I'd made the snicker Do cookies. The mixer has now completely stopped, and I'm like trying. I felt like there was like a polter geist or something that had happened, because I was not even watching

No, I wasn't even there.

I was on the I was across the kitchen preparing some other nonsense. So I obviously I turned. I unplugged the thing, and I investigate. I use the Mallard think tank. I go in there and I'm investigating and what had happened. I don't know if you have have you ever seen like a kitchen aid mixer, You guys have one, but the very top there's this like there's this little metal thing which you have to twist on and off. I guess my wife told me you use it for attachments. Okay, okay,

And it'll be good. And no, no, So.

We did take the kitchen aid mixer, which is i'll explain why this is important to me, but I took the kitchen aid mixer, which these things are like three hundred bucks. So I took this thing to the repair shop for some meatball surgery on the kitchen aid mixer.

So we went online.

We found a place which was not far away from the Malor mansion that specializes in these kitchen aid mixers. So I said, okay, that's the place. We went down there and they're only open for a few hours a day. We dropped the thing off the guys like, oh, it's like sixty bucks to get an estimate, and then we'll call you back tell you how much it actually costs to fix the thing, and it's pretty pricey.

But I had to do it, Danny. I had to do it for two reasons.

Number one, it's cheaper still than buying a new one, and number two, this has sentimental value because this was a gift my mom got me before she passed away.

Do it yourself situation.

I went online, I did see that somebody else had the same problem I had, and then I watched how you repair it, and I had this this like feeling of anxiety and I said, I am not I am not worthy. I am not an engineer. I am not a mechanic. That is not a skill set that I have. I identified the problem, I recognized the situation, and I discovered that it is in my best interest, Danny, to find someone, someone who knows what they're doing.

So yeah, pass it off. And how appropriate it was Mother's Day weekend.

That is, you know what.

I didn't even realize that there you go, some kind of odd sign from mom, Ah, there you go. But it was it was wild. It was not an El Loco Loco situation though. It was not that, Danny.

Yeah, it was one crazy not too crazy. You know.

Right across the street from the Great Fox Sports Radio Studios is al Poyo Loko Chicken Joint. We've talked about it on the show before.

Crazy Crazy Chicken Point Chicken Joint, And for those that have not heard the stories, this is the place that a lot of the rich people that live in bel Air will come down and get their fre It's not fried chicken, it's grilled chicken at Opoil Loco and Magic Johnson's been in there There's been a bunch of other celebrities that let live up in the hills above where we work and they go hang out.

They love that spot.

Yeah, I've met the comedian slash actor Mike Epps in there, a lot of different actors and actresses. We've seen Grace the l Poyo Loco counter, and it's normal for our staff to be seen in there. Anytime I'm in there, I'll see one of our hosts, I'll see an editor, I'll see somebody run in and pick up its go order. You could find Rich Davis from Covino and Rich in there just about every day.

I've heard rumors that Rich ought to get a job there.

He's there that much that he should apply and make a little extra money on the side.

Once he found out that they had five dollars poo bulls and you could order on your phone and they'll have it ready and you just on across and pick it up.

He's been eating there every day.

It's convenient, and so I used it right before the show, so it's like one o'clock in the afternoon. All I need to do is pick up this food. And also I had rewards from them on the app for a free drink. So I'm like, I gotta deal with the line, but it'll be worth it for the free drink, not the case. Get over there across the street. First of all, the entrance to the l Tooyo Loko blocked.

You could not get in. I'll let you take a guess.

What do you think was blocking the l Tooyo Loko entrance on Sepulvida.

I am gonna go for one thousand dollars a hobo. I am going for a.

Vagrant, is my answer. Alex, you are right, you just dollars dollars?

All right?

What right?

Not just your every day hoemost person in Sherman Oaks, California.

This person had.

A huge cart filled with shit, which is normal for us to see. But what's not normal is on top of the cart a huge valet umbrella.

Oh so they picked up some souvenirs when they were walking around Sherman Oaks.

Some poor restaurant is missing their valet umbrella.

I took a picture. I'll have to post it this weekend of this big valet umbrella. I was like, what the fuck? Where did they get that?

And then let me speak for the person down on the buck on the hard scrabble streets of Sherman Oaks. It does get very hot in Sherman Oaks, and we're getting into the.

Part of the year.

We're still got a couple months to go, but July and August and September are oppressively hot in Sherman Oaks, California. So this guy's looking out, he's planning ahead. Dan, He's like, hey, listen, I don't want to get a sunburn. I'm outdoors all the time. So's he's like the valet they can afford a new plan.

Who does? By the way, though, seriously, I mean, what are we doing? Well?

I walked around to the back entrance of the Lpoyo Loco and now as I'm walking in through the rear entrance, I'm noticing that there is commotion at the front counter.

So not only is the.

Entrance blocked, you couldn't get up to the cash register because there was a big scene going on. The second homeless person of this scene, and this homeless person was making almost like seizure movements, like convulsing.

Thanks for calling your local police department and have a nice day.

Okay, f that drink, I'm gonna pick up my food and get the hell out of here. Get over to the side of the side of the counter where one employee was and I'm like, I can I pick up my food and he's like, you'll have to wait. We haven't been able to make any orders in the last few minutes with everything going on. Like, holy crap, this crazy chicken place is really crazy craziness.

Man, that's nuts.

That's just a random Thursday in la or Wednesday.

It's just it's insane going on.

There, and so life hack. I backed out of there. I kept walking down the street. I walked into the Whole Foods and I went back to their little deli section. They make sandwiches that they jack people for like ten to thirteen dollars. Yeah, but on that menu you could get a PBJ or they call it a almond butter, but you can replace it with regular peanut butter. Four dollars for a big peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

That's good.

Yeah. Score.

It took an extra half hour to get back to work, but I walked in with a big peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a story about two homeless people up the i'l poyoko.

Did you see any celebrities in there?

I remember Tom Looney was so excited because he saw this obviously years ago. He's dead now, but Keith Jackson the voice of college football for so many people. And Keith used to live up in the hills when he was alive and above us, and he would go and shop in there. And Looney he told me the story for like two years, how he saw Keith Jackson looking at tomatoes at foods.

At very same whole foods I've seen the award winning actress Juliet Lewis. No, there you go, handing right in front of me in line buying a few groceries.

Well, this is Saturday, and we have backscratcher. Let's get backscratcher on, so you scratch our back. We scratched her back. Now. Last week we complained that we were still a couple of reviews away from four hundred, the round number of four hundred. So Danny g after belly aching and whining and koviching on the radio ashually the podcast, how many.

Reviews did we get?

Did we get this week five reviews? Did we get three reviews? Or are we total losers and got no reviews.

Let's go back to Game one of Lakers Nuggets. They cut that twenty one deficit down to three. I'm gonna say three, Ben.

The answer is three. The answer is three. And here are some of the views. We got five stars from James in Arkansas. He said, bad choice by you, Ben, Danny g is right. Cookie dough ice cream is disgusting, and he said, I love the podkast.

No, I disagree.

When I was a little kid, every once in a while, No, you're not supposed to do this, but my mom would give me a little cookie dough to eat, and I didn't die of some kind of weird illness, some food born illness.

I survived. I prospered in life.

And so cookie dough it's got to be the right mixture, though, it's got to be there's a certain proprietary blend. If there's too much cookie dough, it's a problem. If there's too much ice cream not enough cookie dough, there's a problem. But James, you have not had the right mix of cookie dough ice cream. It's the secret blend that you need to have.

Raw cookie dough ice cream is the grossest besides pistachio. That green pistachio ice cream is also nasty, but cookie does right up there.

You're wrong. We can agree to disagree on that. That's a bad take by you, Danny. That's the worst ice cream take I've ever heard. Wrong.

Now we have from Walt Disney. How about this? Walt Disney reviewed our podcast.

Yes, I love when ghosts chime in.

Holy crap, all right, says entertaining show Ben and Danny G always have something interesting to chat a about, like homeless people blocking the door at a chicken shack in La. Says, I work at a school, so I can relate to Danny G's stories about school. Then has some great life acts like getting points for using bang.

That's right. Get your money.

Of course, you have to search every day for a year, like I do, five six hours a.

Day to get any money, but I do.

If you have a job like this, and I think of your teacher, you probably search a lot too. Also, I says, I listened to this podcast when I'm doing mundane weekend errands and chores. It's quite entertaining. Keep up the good work, guys. And that is from calls person Walt. I'm assuming that's not their real.

Name, but thank you, thank you, mister Disney.

And the last one is from can.

You please lower the prices at the park back down to fifty cents?

Yes, so we can actually afford on a radio salary to go. That would be nice.

Jewles writes in, and she gives us a review and she says, awesome, five stars. I love listening at night.

Check this out, Danny. When my husband snoring keeps me awake?

Okay, wear a white noise.

Racist yes, wedded Bliss, Danny g wetted Bliss. May I recommend, Jules my my wife does not snore, I don't think, but she does grind her teeth. I recommend a fan and some kind of either heater or air conditioner in the background. But you must also continue to listen to the podcast.

You can hear teeth grinding.

Oh it's bad, man, It's it's terrible. It's like nails on a chalkboard.

But I can only really hear out of one of my ears, So as long as I turn my head the other way, I can't really hear it because I have one. I have one really messed up ear. My right ear is pretty mess up. My left ear is not that bad.

Dude, together we are Voltron because my left ear is bad and my right ear is good.

There you go, We're perfect. That's made in heaven.

We've got We'll do a few pop goes the culture stories, and so we bring in our man, the myth, the legend. Ohio, Aljohn, all right, thank you, Ohio. Here we go, Tom Hanks. You see this story this week. Tom Hanks is planning on living forever. Now, not in flesh. He's not gonna live forever, but he will be on the big screen forever. All because Tom Hanks has given the blessing for his image, his voice, all of that to be recreated in movies

Way it's going to go.

And he said in about twenty three to twenty four, he was working on the Polar Express and he said he had it an Epiphany's sixty six years old, and he's all in. He knows he'll be long gone, but they'll still make movies and he'll still be in the movies.

And he's all fired up.

This is like how the Ben Malor Show is still going to be on overnights on the network in thirty five years from now, because there's just going to be the computerized version of you.

Well spoiler alert. And I don't know that we're allowed to say this, Danny. I actually stopped doing original audio content about five years ago.

I made enough money the company and.

So I actually retired from radio and I live in Hawaii, on the Island of Kawaii.

I relocated to Hawaii, but I gave.

The blessing to Don Martin and Scott Shapiro and the people over there at iHeart. I said, you know what, just keep keep sending stuff out there and uh and that, and they said, sure, no problem. Uh so yeah, I'm I'm fully retired, Nanny. You think I'd do a weekend podcast?

I mean, are you kidding?

You know?

This is all AI?

Well that explains your old bad basketball takes.

Well, no, those those basketball takes are outstanding, and those are actually updated. Because the thing about the AI, the the the company iHeart paid a lot of money for the AI and so they didn't just hobble around with some old technology and they know that the the new listeners to this original audio content. They know that the Clippers run LA and or is it should I say the Denver Nuggets run LA. Maybe that's the updated take on that, Danny, What.

Is still wrong with the Clippers? Anyway?

Last week it was the Warriors.

Well, listen, I've evolved. If you cannot evolve, Danny G. You don't want to stay and do the same stuff over and over again. You have to grow, and you have to expand, and you have to take quantum leaps in life sometimes. And right now I'm a Denver Nuggets fan, and hopefully I'll continue to be a Nuggets fan. But maybe next week I'll be a Heat fan or a Celtic fan. I don't know, Loser, I have no idea,

And this is the.

Greenbriar Mall in Southwest Atlanta. The first restaurant to use the Chick fil A name, and it goes back to the nineteen forties and it's closing its doors.

It's closing its doors.

There's a plaque commemorating the restaurant's history, they say there, but they're they're closing it down. Have you been to the it's not the original McDonald's, but I believe it's the oldest operating McDonald's, which is here in Downey.

Yeah, in Downey, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, down in California. There's a little McDonald's museum attached to it.

And fun fact, I believe that is the last location that makes the fried apple pie. Remember when used to go to McDonald's, you get that fried apple pie and you burn the roof.

Of your mouth.

Not only get one of them, and get two of them because they were two for a dollar.

So good, so good. I love that. Oh it's great.

I miss those.

Now they bake the apple pie, they don't, it's not made the same way.

A lot of the locations don't even have them all together.

So but I am told that that location the original. And if you're in southern California, and a lot of our listeners are Downy, if you want the fried apple Pie.

That's that's the spot to go. That's the spot.

Speaking of McDonald's, there has been a rule at the Golden Arches, and this is a pop goes to the culture story here that if you work at McDonald's, if you have a customer come in and say, you know what I want fifteen big Max, I want seventeen fries, I want milkshakes.

They are not allowed to accept tips.

But in Colorado, in Colorado, that may soon change, Danny, Yeah, because the Department of Labor, as they're working, McDonald's workers in Colorado may soon be allowed to accept tips.

And they get into all the details here.

They say the state of Colorado, there's a new law that would circumvent the ban on tips, and it says employers like McDonald's and Walmart would be prohibited from taking adverse action against any employee who accepts a cash gratuity offered to buy a patron.

To the to the business.

There you go.

But maybe it was because they were going to unionize, like the strippers in North Hollywood.

Oh I did I did hear about that?

Do you think there'll be any strip clubs left in North Hollywood by the time this gets done, Danny.

Do you think.

What do you think you think there'll still be strip clubs there? Or you're just gonna move to the Van Eyes and call it a day. Yep, Yeah, anyway, Yeah, so there's a there's a bill out there.

We'll see if it passes. I don't I don't want to offend anyone.

But if I'm going to Mickey D's to get some nuggets and some fries, do I really need the tip?

You know what I'm saying?

No?

Yeah, come on, especially with the cost of food nowadays, we're already paying double for what we should be paying for fast food.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, there's another food related so a lot of food related stories and pop go's the culture this week?

What's up with that? So a competitive eater named Motion is his that's his nickname.

He's got a very tough name to pronounce, but he goes by a notion emotion rather. And this guy was chowing down at a Golden Corral and kissing me Florida, formerly the spring training home of the Astros back when I was.

A kid and the Asstros.

He was visiting the city trying to qualify for the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating contest which is coming up in July, which means we gotta get Joey Chestnut back on. And this guy, he went out at the Golden Corral and his meal included multiple cheeseburgers, pounds of popcorn, shrimp, mac and cheese, pizza, steak, and French fries. However, as he was taking part in the massive feast and gorging and gorging and gorging, the man ended up being banned from the Golden Corral.

Apparently he a.

Little too far. There's also an issue where he was like recording. I guess he was recording some of the employees for the YouTube or for the internet. So yeah, I have not been to a I don't think I've ever eaten at a Golden Corral?

Have you ever eaten at a Golden Corral?

I've been to a Golden Corral before?

Is it worth our time?

Or I would say that my mom would like it if I took her to Golden Corral in someplace?

Our parents like, okay, what about have you been to the cracker barrel? I've been to the cracker barrel? Before you ever eaten at a cracker barrel?

I've never been to a cracker barrel.

To me, Yeah, there's one in Vegas. There's actually there's a few. They've They've always.

Was a Southern place, but they've spread across the country. I've eaten there a couple times. The first time I eat there, I thought it was amazing. They give you big portions of food. It's kind of weird though. You walk in there's a gift shop. It's a strange situation. But I enjoyed my meal the first time. So we went back and I was like, oh, we got to

And it was just nasty. So and I haven't been back. I've not been back since since that event. I think that's it. I think we'll get out on that.

We've got the mail bag tomorrow, but don't forget Tonight is the night I hopefully will be able to meet you if you're in the Greater Minneapolis area today five pm to nine pm at the Malther meet and greet.

A bunch of cocaine and hookers.

Well, we'll see what happens, Danny. Dead men tell no tales. I learned that from Pirates of the Caribbean.

But we will see what happens Mermaid in an event center tonight.

It's gonna be a lot of fun and we'll, hopefully, depending on how the company comes up with some money, we'll have complete coverage, in depth team coverage. When I started at Fox Sports Radio, one of our bosses said, why anytime there's a big story, you have to use the catchphrase in depth team coverage, and so you know something's big if you hear in depth team coverage.

Now, would you like to address the rumors that ESPN was thinking about using their budget on this post game versus signing Pat McAfee.

Yeah, it really was.

It was a toss up and unfortunately the coin came up with Pat McAfee's face on it and we lost out.

Which is the story of my life, Danny.

This story of my life as we will get out on that. Anything you want to promote, Danny, it's Saturday.

Anything at all going.

On Saturday, just our podcasting. Thank you to everybody downloading all weekend long.

We appreciate you.

Yes, you are my favorite person and the mail bag tomorrow. We'll catch you next time.

See you then, have fun tonight. Don't get into trouble.

That's the whole point. You got to get into trouble.

Danny, A bunch of hookers and cocaine basulation.