The Fifth Hour: "Tomato Puma Puke" Mail Bag

Greetings.

It is I Big Ben and this the latest edition of the Fifth Hour with Me and Danny G.

Radio.

Happy Sunday to you from a secret location, thousands of miles away from the continental United States, at a tropical paradise. We recorded this podcast prior to the events of yesterday, recorded it early in the day on Saturday. The attempt at Donald Trump's life President Trump, so we will not be touching that here.

We are aware of it. Crazy day in US history.

This is obviously not a political podcast, so we will not be talking about it on this edition, but.

We are aware of it. Just want to let you know.

Hope you enjoyed today's podcast. Remember I'll be back on the radio a little bit later in the week. I've got a few more nights away and then I will be back behind the microphones on the Overnight show. But here is the Fifth Hour with me Big Ben and my man Danny G Radio kabooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill Poppers in the Penthouse. Wow, the Clearinghouse of Hot Takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard starts right now.

In the air Everywhere The Fifth Hour with Me, Big Ben and Danny g Radio as we slide in to a Sunday as I am hanging out broadcasting from off the beaten Path in Casablanca. I'm hanging out in Casablanca, and oh, what amazing place it is, the Kingdom of Babylon or Benny On I guess, I guess you call you king the King of Benyon.

Told me you guys were staying in Catalina. No, no, no, no, we're not.

We're not staying in Catlina. We actually decided Sacramento this time of the year is a wonderful place to visit. And so we're enjoying Sacramento and we we bought some coconuts and there's some palm trees over there. We're having my tie and we're joining beautiful Sacramento.

It's wonderful. So absolutely on.

This podcast, we've got the pop Quiz. We will have a hybrid mail bag. Got a few mail bag questions this week. I was away from my post on the radio show. So a few questions that we'll get to and all of that, but let's start Danny with the fun fact.

I need a fun fact from Ohio. And now, yesterday I told you you had already met your quota for the weekend.

Danny, I have a new toy. And when I have a new toy, I am going to enjoy the new toy. I'm going to enjoy my toy. I like the toy. It's it's my birthday and I'm gonna unwrap the toy again.

I choked on this one last time.

And we thank you Ohio. Al at that beach boys vibe for the summer. So the Eiffel Tower. Have you ever been to the Eiffel Tower in Vegas? Yes, that's the fin that my friend. I have a couple of friends who are in Europe on vacation, and then they'll send me for I think I talked about this last week on the podcast. But they'll send me photos of different places in Europe. I've seen that, you know, that's at the Bellagio. You know that's uh whatever, and so it's uh.

It's it's pretty good.

The guy was in Venice at the canals in Venice, and I was like, oh, I've seen that's a hotel the guy, the guy with the red hat or whatever at the hotel in Vegas. Anyway, the the Eiffel Tower. Fun fact, it actually gets taller in the summer. Yeah, when when the weather is warmer, the metal, yeah, metal objects get bigger. It's called thermal expansion, which basically means, in layman terms, the heat causes materials like metal.

It's huge, really big metal cock.

It's not phallous at this point, it's standing standing tall. So because of this, the Eiffel Tower, it grows during the summer. It can grow up to that's weel terminology, up to five point nine inches taller insert your own joke right there. Ah, but five point nine inches taller during the summer than it is the rest of the year. And but wait, there's more. The tower tilts away from the sun when the weather gets really hot, so it's

I don't know. There's some kind of lean with it, rock with it, lean with it.

It's probably an advertiser that we have that we can get to help you with that and work in the gym and in the bedroom. There's my fun fact all about the Eiffel Tower. All right, so let's get to the mail bag, Danny, and then we will have a nice big long pop quiz A file thirteen pop quiz.

Okay, but we've got the mail bag first. You ready for that. Let's go yet again.

Ohioo, it's.

All right, thank you, ohiool.

Message from Alf from a desert island, he says, Ben, did you extend the same courtesy to Coop and not tell him that you were going on vacation? Well, great question, al, thank you. I hope you enjoy your vacation, have a fine time. Wherever the great Alf goes, I think Alf goes somewhere out and outer space. That's his comfort zone, his happy place out there, far far away. But for me, as I hang out here in Maybury on the Andy

I informed him.

And even if I hadn't informed him, it didn't matter because my friend Bernie Bernie Bernie Bernie Bernie Fratto has been filling in for me a little bit. There have been a couple of people filling in for me, but Bernie reached out to Cooper, Loop and others with questions about the show, so that normally does not happen, Danny. It's normally when you have a fill in show, you kind of wait till the last minute. But that's how

So they are man well aware that I've been gone here anyway.

Steven South Carolina right's in. He says, hey, Ben and Danny, I saw this story. I thought of you guys. The US has introduced AI powered bullet vending machines and they say this is very popular.

Are you intrigued by this? Well, yeah, look at the street that we're located on it FSR.

Now, can you can you buy as many bullets as you want? Is there a limonar? I've always argued the gun people, the people that want to get rid of guns, and I'm like, I don't own a gun, but I support people to have guns, because if you get rid of guns, if you make guns illegal, only the bad guys have the guns, which is I don't think is a great idea. But that's a different debate, not for the show. But the point is we got a rating up to four point nine. Stop ruining it. Well, the

Where were you?

What business would put a bullet vending machine in the front of the business. I'm gonna have my gumball machine over here. I'm going to have what. I have a little toys over here, and then maybe some cactus coolers and then I'll have the vending machine. But yeah, that is that is wild nuts.

I just clicked on a story here.

It says gun owners in Alabama, Oklahoma, and Texas can buy ammunition from automated AMMO retail machines anytime they want AI power machines.

It's like getting getting a soda pop. Wow.

All right, So this is only in a few southern southern states. So this is not and I don't think it's in South Carolina? Is it not in South Carolina?

Steve? You live there anyway?

Kevin in Nashville writes in he says, hey, Ben, are you on the hawk to a girls train?

Are you? Are you?

I don't know that's the right way to say. Are you a fan of a hawk tour? Here? By the way, her best friend from the video has also gone viral, and there are people on the Internet that said that she is prettier. What do you guys say, Kevin in Nashville, isn't just like that Gilligan's Island thing, Ginger.

Marianne, Not really? Because I think the reason Hawktua girl caught fire the way she did is there's kind of like an innocence to her, even though she's being raunchy with her words. Yeah, and I don't know if her friend comes off that way. I haven't seen the full long video that was released with her friend on it, just a short clip of Hawktua girl. She's kind of like girl next door, and I think that's what makes her appealing.

But the friend was trying to tell her to stop saying what she was saying. I wasn't a friend in the background, like what are you doing?

In the short yeah, she's like, oh, like laughing and reacting to it.

Yeah, yeah, all right, Well, I understand she's made a lot of money. I saw that story the other day that she's sold over seventy thousand dollars of merchandise.

Yeah, she signed some contracts for representation and yeah, she's got that merch going with the hat company, and so she's doing well for herself already. And we'll see what comes of it.

Yeah, it's the whole Is it a fad or is it a trend? Well, it would appear to be a fad, but you can make a fair amount of money and five years from hour, two years from hour a year from now to be like, hey, I'm I'm the old Hawk to.

A Girl and when people already made bumper stickers out of her. So it's pretty amazing how she became an overnight phenomenon.

Yeah, and it was she was part of like a YouTube show which I'd never even heard of.

Yeah, the Tim and d TV show. Yeah, I can get those guys on the horn for you if you want to interview them.

Your big fans of there were no.

I was trying to get a hold of Hawk to a Girl when she first blew up, and I went through those guys and they're like, oh, she's not available right now, but we do have her contact info because she we had to clear, you know, her being on the show. As soon as she's available, we'll get her on. In the meantime, you could interview us and oh of course yeah, And I was like, yeah, I don't think Covino and Rich want to talk to you. Yeah, that's the price of admission.

Maybe we'll get her on, but yeah, meantime we know that game, right.

Yeah.

Back when I did daytime radio, it was like all right, so we want to talk, we want to interview, you know, I'll just use a random like Barry Bonds. Okay, but you have to interview the backup catcher because he needs to do an interview.

I don't want to talk to him. I'm not interested in that guy.

Man.

Now, Yeah, you got to interview Matt Williams and Chilie Davis to get a will Clark interview. Well, I'd rather talk to Chili Davis.

But anyway, all right. The next email Zach the Zach Attack bartender Zach from Ohio, friend of the show, and he has an interesting story he wanted to share with us. He says, my wife and I have been married for only four months. However, we've been together since twenty fifteen, so that's you know, they've been almost.

Common law marriage there, but they're actual legally married. He says.

My lovely lady is.

A twin, but then.

She is a fan of the show as well. God bless her, and Zach says, being a closing bartender, our spare room is totally blacked out. She works AM, I work PM. That's like what I have most of.

The time, Zach.

My wife lately she's been working at night, but her big stretches of the time she works the day shift. So anyways, Zach says, he works the PM, she works the AM. And he says that because of this, she did not tell him that her identical twin was coming to stay at the house this particular day. Zach also wants you to know that he sleeps buck naked, so he was sent to the dark room an hour after

He says.

He goes into the the bedroom, into the normal bedroom, not the dark room, to get some name spray, and I see, he says. He says, I I saw the the way he discovered like a silhouette of his wife right there, and uh, she screamed, and uh put a towel on. She yelled at it at Zach, I said, I think it's too late. Uh, And then he says it gets worse next week. So I guess he the way I I read that he went to get the nasal spray. He thought he saw his wife playing with

You and there? I assume they're identical twins.

Otherwise it wouldn't be who cares right, wouldn't be that big a story.

I can't wait to hear the rest.

I think catch how many boobs I sell today?

Oh, we'll find out next week. Inquiring minds want to know, Same Zach time, Same Zach station. Coming to the podcast next week. Jay from Florida, Good luck Zach. Jay from Florida writes and says, hey, Ben and Danny, we know you hate veggies. Ben, so I saw this week that pumpkins, avocados, and tomatoes are actually fruits. Does that mean you are You're a fan of them? You will eat them? Ben, says Jay from somewhere in Florida. It's kind of a big state, Jay, so let's go point by point here

Tomato? Guy? I love avocado, especially with salt on it. I love guak too. The problem is people chop up tomatoes and put fresh tomatoes in a lot of wacamole. I'm allergic to fresh tomatoes. So if you've ever seen Eddie Murphy and the Nutty Professor, that's what happens to me if I eat a fresh tomato.

I would like to point out I am also allergic to tomatoes when I look at them, and mushrooms. I'm allergic to mushrooms as well, all of them. I really am allergic to tomatoes, though, you know. I try to tell my kindergarten teacher this. When it was like a snack day and they were having us make breakfast sandwiches, and she cut a big wedge of tomato and put it on my breakfast sandwich, and I begged and pleaded with her not to have me eat a tomato because I was allergic.

No, no, no, no, you just don't want to eat your veggies, she said, And she made me take a bite of it and I puked all over her puma shoe. That's what she gets.

I've not heard of the tomatoes. I got the peanut thing I've for, Like, you know what it is?

That?

Is that a common allergy tomatoes?

I don't think so. But what I'm actually allergic to is folic acid. Tomatoes are chalked full of folic acid. What other foods are filled with that? Assid nothing to that level. Like I think I read somewhere the tomatoes have the most folic acid. Let me check here.

This is the big board of folic acid foods.

And you know, I've never been able to take a multi vitamin because they have a lot of folic acid in them, so I have to take vitamins separately, which is a pain in the ass. Oh yeah, that does suck, it says legumes. Legomes there. You have no idea what that is?

Sparagus?

You asparagus only in tiny quantities, so yeah, like you know, when they'll give you a side of the sparagus with like a steak or maybe like, eat one or two of them and push the rest to the side of the plate.

It says eggs.

Anything with eggs interesting. Eggs, don't bother me.

Leafy greens. One cup of raw spinach provides fifty eight point two mcg.

Of I believe what you're you're trying to avoid.

I'm Brussels sprouts around here, citrus fruits. There's a lot of stuff on here, but I guess tomato is the one that messages.

Yeah, tomatoes the one that messes with me. Pumpkins are great, especially pumpkin seeds right around Halloween time. Speaking of teachers, did they ever do the thing where they put the tray of tinfoil with the pumpkin seeds on there? Put them in? Yeah? Yeah, those are so good.

Yep, that's that's a regular traditional move back in the old days, back in the Bronze Age when.

We were growing up, that was a big thing. Yeah.

I have some other email, but I want to get to the pop quiz. Can we get to the pop quiz? I want to make sure we get all thirteen questions. I'm gonna grade you, Danny on all unless I don't on the We'll get as many as we can. We haven't done this in a long time. By popular demand. You give the people what they want. The listener is always right. You taught me that, Danny, when I used to listen to you on radio when I was a kid. The listener is always right. And so here we go.

Here, I heard you on Dodger Talk when I was a kid, not at all, all right, that would be a lie.

All right, So these are actual random things we found around the internet. We will quiz Danny. G you listening, can play along. We call that the home version of the game. And it's absolutely free. And here we go. The first one up. Five percent of smartphone users admit that they have accidentally done this. What is it, Danny, drop their phone in the toilet. You're actually pretty close. I'm gonna give you half credit, all right. They have washed their phone with the laundry in the Washington.

Machine, right, So it involved putting it in water.

Yeah, it did involve water. I'll give you that one. Next up, thirteen percent of us have this physical talent.

What is it?

By the way, it is a superpower that I have. I own this talent. I have this ability. It is genetic. I got it from my father. I want to thank my old man, Pops, the patriarch of the mall Or family.

How many, how many? What's the percentage?

Thirteen percent of people have this physical talent. You can bend all the way over and touch your chin to your balls. I am not as incorrect wiggling our ears a wiggle wiggle. I can do it.

Yeah, you freak.

I have that power. There's no way to monetize it. But I can wiggle my ears. I can do one at a time. I can do both at the same time. I can do tricks. That's my power. Thirteen percent. Kind of tricks could he do with that? Well, that's a that's a different podcast. But thirteen I'm in the thirteen percent, not the one percent. I'm in the thirteen percent. I gotta remember that percent of circus freaks. I got to add that to my lexicon. I'm in the thirteen percent that have a physical gift.

Yeah.

So you can either dunk a basketball like Lebron James or Michael Jordan. You can be a physical freak of nature like Yao Ming or Shaquille O'Neal or someone like that, or some NFL player, or you can wiggle your ears. My power wiggling of the ears. I am such a radio loser moving on nearly ninety percent of American families by one of these every week. This blows me away. By the way, this blows me away, ninety percent of American families by one of these every single week?

What is it? A bottle of lube? Close? But no?

How about a pie? A pie was always rare and appropriate at the mallor house.

It was like a big event in the classic movie American Pie of the Pie.

That's incredible over that I should get credit, all right, I'll give you a credit your two of three. Oh in this one time at van camp, I stuck a fleet. But yeah, like the pie. My mom would bake pies occasionally, but it was like for birthdays or like a fourth of July are Thanksgiving, we'd have pie. But every week getting pie? Doesn't that diminish the pie? Isn't the pie not special? That boggles my mind? You would you would

It's the fault of the markets and the bakery shoving that stuff in our faces all the time. That is true.

All right, Just over half of us say that. We may not do this every time we go to the grocery store, but we do it quite often. Ride the rocket out front that takes quarters. That is correct, unless it is not, Unless it's not give to charity.

At the register. Yeah, I do not. That's a big scam. I don't. I don't round up. I don't round down. I don't. I don't believe in that. And you know what I round up. When Taco bell says your total is four dollars and ninety cents, would you like to donate ten cents to a student? Well, yeah, that's cool. You don't need the ten cents back, you know, you're good on that. Yeah.

But now, especially the self check We talked about this on the podcast before, but the self checkout thing, where you're doing all the work. You're going into the store, you're doing all you're picking all the groceries. You're then going standing online, you're then checking out, you're check you're you're scanning the items, which I'm fine with.

I don't mind that. But you're doing all the work. Yeah, you should be paid. You should get the tip, you should be on payroll.

Exactly, and then before you put your credit card in, they're like, would you like to donate the you know, the sick, dying children of some far away land somewhere out in the cosmos. I'm like, I'm good, I'm all right. I'll donate the charity on my own terms, on my own terms.

All right.

Moving on a new study. New study says sixty percent of people say this is a serious issue that many restaurants need to address.

What is it, Danny, sixty percent? Oh, this is easy. Cockroaches.

Only if you're a Denny's in the San Fernando Valley that closed twenty years ago and still has an infestation of cockroaches.

Uh.

Yeah, the we why don't we get like the bugman to come out or something like that.

We we made a cockroach jingle from Ohio.

Al oh see, now you're now you're gonna get another toy. The cock roaches. The cock roaches.

Cock.

Cock rocha, la cococha. You can't even say it. You can't even say it. Man, all right, very very good. Uh.

But the answer, by the way, is that sixty percent of people say sixty percent of people say the they're too loud, the.

Restaurants are too loud. Ah, Are you one of.

Those people yet, Danny? Are we at the age now? Are we old enough where we complain it's too loud?

Or as long as they are paying attention to your table, they can have their restaurant as loud as they want. Yeah, all right.

Uh, let's see here. This is more likely to happen to men than women here in the summer.

What is it getting pants at the pool?

Getting pants at the pool? Is that correct? No, that is incorrect, damn it. The correct answer is getting bit by a mosquito.

Close. Yeah.

And I would like to point out here, and I don't think I've ever talked about this before on the on the Big Show, but I would like to tell you right now that this is something in my life that I wish it was a little different. I wish a little different, but it's not. When I was a single guy and I was out and about, you know, doing my thing, and women found me very unaty. But mosquitoes find me very attractive.

Okay.

Mosquitoes always want to play foot see with me. They want to go right to the bedroom. They look at me, mosquitos, and I'm a dream boat for mosquitos. They go VavaVoom when they see me, Danny. So they've always been attracted me. It must be my blood, Danny, it's gotta be my blood. They love my blood.

I hear the same thing from my better half. She's like, it's my blood, that's why they love me.

Well, yeah, but you should let the lady there, No, let the wife know that yet again, though men more likely than women to be bit how about that, So she's a rare camp there.

Yeah, yeah, all.

Right, thirty, we'll do a couple more and we'll get out. I have things to do, Danny. As you know, this is not I'm not getting paid for this. It's my love, my infatuation with the podcast.

So this one.

Thirty four percent of people say they cannot make this meal with out a recipe. Lasagna. No, that actually would make some level or sense. Toast what, yeah, let's see, let's see, put some butter on the toest. What or maybe you don't even put the butter. You wait till after the thing's cooked and then you put the butter on. But either way, it doesn't matter if you put it in the toaster. I mean you pop it up and you ate it, you dummies morons?

Wait, did he need a recipe for that? Yeah?

Thirty four percent of people say they cannot make toasts without a recipe.

That doesn't even make sense. There's no recipes for toast.

This is great for us, though, Danny, because it's wonderful. Because it's good for us. There's a lot of dumb people out there.

So are they so dumb that they can't download podcasts? Though?

I have no comment on that. Our last one day to last one naval and marine engineers are trying to figure out right now why this can be so painful when humans do it, but not to animals. It is, Danny, a pool sinky stuck in their butt? How about a belly flop? A belly flop? Oh, I was, I should get half credit, that's all right. Pool related. You want me to grade on a curve? Is what you want me to do? I know what you do. We'll get out on that. It is Sunday. I will be away

You mean San Francisco, that's where you said you are with your wife right now.

Yeah, I'm hanging out in the tender Loin District one and hanging out there. Have a great time. Danny, Are you on vacation?

What do you got going on here? Way? So, yeah, So we are packing currently right now, not for a quick San Diego turnaround, but for my week off with Coveno and rich being off as well. We're going to go camping. My in laws do an annual camping trip in Morro Bay, California, for a week during every summer. They camp right there on the beach overlooking the rock. I love Moro Bay.

It's a great place to go and you can hang out there and you can see that that that's where the nuclear power thing is.

You can see that too. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like it looks like it out of the Simpsons.

It's romantic.

You can those otters. There's always a big thing waters right and stingrays. Yeah, sting rays as well. It's it's great. You can tattle board if you want. You can go in the water or just stay in the campground.

We'll go on the little boats to fish on the water. And yeah, and usually you pull stingrays up instead of fish. Yeah, and moral rock.

When I was there, they said it was a giant like it was volcanic remains right, that's from a volcano.

Yeah, yeah, there you go.

All right, have a wonderful week again. I'll be back in a few days there.

Yeah, you're vegan and a friend will be with you next week.

All right, Ali, So you have any vegan questions, you can send them into the next week's mail bag A real fifth hour at gmail dot com. Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Have a great rest of your day. We'll catch you next time.

Unplug and enjoy yourself. Aloha, mahalo gott a murder. I gotta go.