Kubbooms.
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the Old Republic, a soul fastion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Wow.
The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard starts right now.
In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallord and Danny G Radio. As we kick off the weekend. You're in late September, the twenty second day of September, So this is the second to last weekend, Am I right on that? I don't have a calendar. I think that is correct, right, So we have one more weekend after this and then that's it. We move on to October, so it'll be here before you know. Danny G is hanging out. Hello, Danny G.
I'm glad you know how to use a calendar, but yeah, you know, one way to know exactly where we're at bend. We celebrated the twenty first day of September yesterday, which is a famous line and a famous song from Earth wind and fire. It was earth wind and fire day yesterday.
And how did you celebrate earth wind and fire day?
Did you? Did you?
You walked the earth and there was wind, and you started a fire? Did you do all three of those things?
I put on my dad's old dashiki and I smoked a big fatty hey. Yeah.
And those see, those tunes did not get played that much back in the day, right, They didn't get burned up by radio stations back in the.
No, not at all. And then the oldies quote unquote oldies radio stations that we grew up with.
Oh I know, I don't well now, like what is the oldies music of like today? Old these radio stations? What is the oldiest Is it always like thirty years behind, so it would be the nineties or is it further back than that?
It's the nineties now? In fact, it's kind of scary because you turn on k Earth one on one and you hear songs that you know, maybe a young Benny on the radio played when you first started your radio career, and some of those songs are making their way onto the playlist now for quote unquote oldies.
Oh my god. And in a few years, like in another eight years, the nineties will go off the radio, and then the oldies formatt will play the two thousands.
Yeah, that's the old joke too. There's a meme that says that, you know, how weird is it that radio stations will still say playing hits from the seventies, eighties, nineties and today, Well today, that's a huge gap.
Yeah.
They act like that's only a ten year period.
Yeah, it's It's nuts, man, just absolutely nuts. Anyway, on this the Friday podcast, we.
Have feeling really old.
No, I know, thank God, I mean and everyone. I'll get email from people I listened to you when I was in high school and now I'm married with you know, kids, and I was like, oh my god. Anyway, we have the round table, fable, nail date, fungus fun. You can only get fungus fun here on the old Dusty Trail. That is the fifth hour podcast. It with me and Danny g and we have the Word of the Week and Scientifical, So a lot to get to.
We'll start with this, good Lord, are you going to talk about your feet again?
Well, Danny, you never know what's going to pop up here on the podcast. It's an ocean and we navigate the different So but we're gonna start with the round table fable. So this week's episode of Benny Versus the Penny, and it's gonna start running today in some cities, it'll be on this afternoon, depending on what you're listening to. Obviously this is the morning when we do this, but in the afternoon evening time. The big prime debut is
in the Boston market at seven thirty. That has been the time the last couple of weeks we've been aired on NBC Sports Boston. So Benny Versus the Penny, Week three, And to kind of give you a little background on this, if you have not been following along here, we're going to keep it real. We are going to keep it real here on the fifth hour. So we tape the show on Thursday in Universal Studios, so the team is in Boston, and then we tape are in myself in
Looney Tunes at Universal Studios. And so this is only the third week, but we already have set up a pretty good assembly line. Very Regi and I am a creature of habit. Most people are creatures of habit, so we have it relatively surgical at this point. And so my schedule with Benny versus the Penny. I typically start handicapping the games Tuesday, and I spend a good chunk of time on Tuesday, and then Wednesday I also get into it, and on Wednesday I work with the team
that produces the show. Obviously I got to pitch ideas and it's a communal effort. I send my picks in on Wednesday, and then they work on the show while I'm sleeping. So on Thursday, it's the day we record, and so it's cleaned up, edited Thursday night and then distributed to the different stations that get it, and so it starts being broadcast on Friday, which is like today. And the first week though, when we did the first show,
it took forever. I mean it was we had big executives from the network that flew out from the East Coast.
They were there.
People who I had no idea who they were. I don't think I ever talked to him were there. And so there's like a lot of people in the room and it was a big to do, and so it took almost five hours by the time we got the thing done. There were a lot of snaffoos and it wasn't just like your normal Hey, you know I aft up or looney affed up.
There.
There's a lot of moving parts to it. Now, keep in mind the show is only thirty minutes. But I am happy to update the story here that in week three of the NFL season, we went out there, no more mental gymnastics. We killed it. And now I show up. I show up early because, as you know, Danny, I I am a loser when it comes to this. I always want to be prepared and all that stuff. So I show up pretty early to do the thing, and
so way before I'm supposed to be there. We have a call time, but I get there way before.
So yeah, you have a lot of nervous energy.
Yes, yes, yes, I should probably use mushrooms or something. I don't know. Anyway, So about forty five minutes before the show kicks off, I am sitting in like this meeting room across from the studio. There's like a little hallway. There's our studio, which is not very big at Universal, and then across the hall there's this meeting room. There's nobody there when we're there, I mean other than the
crew that's working on the show. And there's like, like you know, really a ghost kind of crowd there, and so it's got this roundtable in it. And so what we've done now is Looney who shows up after me. By the way, I want to point out, Looney shows up way after I get way after I get it. So Looney shows up and then we do a Seinfeld style table read, but we're not actually reading, which merely means that we go over all of the logistics of the show, and it's become the round table like a pre show.
It's like a pre show meeting that you should have for your radio program.
Well, if people showed up before the show started, we might actually do that, but but no, in the TV world, you can actually kind of go it. So it's you know, I used to joke around Dan, I said, well, we're having a production meeting, but now we actually have production meetings. So that's what you do in TV. So we had a production meeting and then we kind of go over the show. We go over all the moving parts. So there's three segments in the show. There's the A block,
the B block, and the C block. The C block really short, really short. The B block is the long one, but you can't f up the A block or then you can't get to the B block. So there's a lot of juggling involved. There's graphics. Looney's got his teleprompter. He's like Obama, He's got his prompter, and I've got you know, I've got my notes and stuff in front of me. And so this week after in week one it took about five hours, I believe week two it
took around three. This week forty minutes forty minutes. And that includes, by the way, it took forty minutes us to the show. We did one take that's it. On each segment we nailed it, and so they were happy with it because they got to leave early. Everyone was happy, and that included, by the way, there's a little bit of a gap between each segment, like when we're recording it because they have to set other stuff up. But here's the case where you're damned if you do you're
damned if you don't. The old double edge sword Danny. So I found myself stuck between the Devil and the deep Blue sy. I got done early. So the bosses at NBC were happy, the people I work with were happy, so that they were very and I was like feeling pretty good because I was like, I don't know, expect you know. This is all still new to me, this whole TV thing. So I was happy. And then I realized, wait a minute, I now have to get into malamobile and drive home, and it is the middle of rush
hour and I don't normally do rush hour. Danny, you have to do rush hour now, right because of a Covino and Rich in your.
Schedule every fricking evening. Yeah.
Yeah, so I normally don't do rush hour. I just avoided. I did the overnight show, so I'm like, oh crap, and I'm like, I haven't told the producer. I told Vinnie. I was like, hey, listen, why don't we do another show? I got, I got time to kill. But as I asked, screw it, I'll just I'll just put some music on in the car or whatever, and I'll I'll deal with it. And I did, and almost two hours later I was able to return to the Malor mansion and needed a
nice piece of hard liquor there. Actually I needed to go to sleep, is what I needed to do.
But it was.
It was an interesting, interesting sojourn.
And now you know why Kobe had a Kobe copter.
Exactly. Yeah, that's a paid but anyway, so that was the week. And wait till you see tonight's show. Wait till you see what Looney's wearing. Looney really taking that budget from the wardrobe department to the next level with his outfit on today's show.
Really quick, Ben, I got to say that you seemed a lot more comfortable in episode two.
Oh thank you. Yeah, yeah, no, it's it's getting easier. You know. It's like it's like kind of like radio right when we started in radio. How difficult, how awkward it was when we started, you know, and all that.
Yeah, after I saw episode one, I was like, oh boy, this is going to get canceled in week four. But then I saw episode two and I was like, oh okay, hey, I'll watch this every week.
Still might get canceled. You never know who knows a Looney is on the show.
So he could say something that, yeah, very true, is we're boating and then we're done on a pontoon boat to hell.
The next tale from the Naked City. So you want to get behind the scenes on our lives, you know, Saturday, this is the Friday podcast, but on Saturday we usually a life of mal or Life of Danny g And since we're kind of Lucy Goosey on the Friday podcast, I present a fifth hour Global exclusive, a global exclusive and I'm not driving.
Better. Have Marcel tweet this out?
Yes, Yeah, what a fascinating life. And I'm tossing this out there as a PSA because I wonder if other people have similar issues. So this week I had you could call it a rerun, do over, whatever you want to go. So it popped up in my life. So I'm in the studio here and messing around whatever, getting ready for the show, and I kind of moving around my feet a little bit, a little nervous energy, and I felt something kind of like sharp right, that doesn't
feel right? What the hell is that? I was like, did I drop something? I don't remember dropping anything. What wasn't there a few minutes ago? I was like, what the hell is this? And so I turned the light on and went down there and it was like that Britney Spears classic back in the day. Oops, I did it again. Nailed it for the at least the fourth time in my life. One of my toenails bit, the dust came flying off ah as shrapnel. My Danny, my left foot, my big toe, my toenail on the on
left foot completely gone. And this is a nail fail one hundred percent. But I'm actually excited about this, which is rather odd because a while back I've told the story before I had this happen. Was it last year or two years ago? I don't know.
I remember you dropped some spaghetti sauce on one of them.
Uh well I had. I call it a treadmill injury because I had some some tried blood that turned my toenail black.
Oh that's right. Yeah, I been doing this with you almost three years now. You've probably had five toe injuries in the time I've been with you on the podcast.
Yeah, I'm the new Who's that NFL player the toe?
Crosa?
Was it lou Groza? Was that his name? Who the toe? That's should be my new nickname with toast anyway, So yeah, yeah, So I had an injury at the treadmill where I overdid a little bit and that resulted in my toenail turning black because there was blood underneath it. And so I've been dealing with this for years like this has not gone away. And so now that my toenail has fallen off on my left foot, which had the really
big black toenail, which is disgusting. So this has now opened up a portal for me to try again to treat the ugly toe. So I actually already, Danny, I took a bunch of gunk from underneath because that came off with the toenail that I couldn't get to right. I'm talking like really thick caked on.
Couldn't just give us a warning really quick right now to put our cherios down?
Right next to me, Danny, I have the toenail. If you want, I can take a photo of it and send it to you. It's pretty pretty gnarly.
That would just make my day.
Yeah, So it's right, it's right next to me. It's like a souvenir, you know. It's it's pretty. But I am optimistic, like I said, I'm optimistic on Benny Bright's side on this. So I got rid of already a lot of it. Now the problem is this stuff's so caked on. It's like on the skin of the toe. Because my toe is still black, but the toenail is gone.
So I now have to get rid of what's on the skin on my toe on my left foot and so I'm planning on going full throttle and it's gonna My wife is modern day Mary Poppins, so she has much like your wife, Danny. She's got a bag of home remedies and a few other things that she found that we're going to try to help expedite the process here. And I was reading up on this online and it is why, like this takes like a year, and they recommend taking not just putting stuff on it, but you
have to take other like drugs. I'm on drugs right now.
Man. Do you have to take supplements also for here and nail growth?
Well, some of it's like a prescription drug that you're supposed to take for like a year.
Crazy is that to prevent infection there?
I don't. I don't know. It makes no sense to me why you would need that. I I don't get it. There's got to be a way to do it without that. But anyway, by the time this is all done, Danny, and I'm gonna go really hard, go hard on a guy toes to the wall over the next you know, a couple of months. We'll see how it goes. But I will be saying super califragilistic Xbaliti doses when we get done here and I will have a before and after and I will I will be a toe model.
And since since this is a toe themed fifth hour, I would like to do something we have not done before on the podcast day. I would like to have fungus fun.
Oh, I thought you were going to say you're going to tow the line?
Why that would have been better? See that I should have consulted with you, because that would have been a better line than the one I did. But while doing some opposition research on my enemy toe, I fell down a rabbit hole and came across all kinds of toenail related facts, which is likely a recipe for disaster. And we will have no one left listening to this podcast, but I would like to give you a few of them, Danny. I want to educate the masses on the toenail.
This is fascinating.
Is this not compelling audio? And I'm gonna tell you, Danny, toenail people don't know a lot about it. They just take their toenails for granted.
I've been looking for that little extra push to get our overall podcast rating from a four point nine to a five.
Yeah, and this is it right here. This is the this is the big gusto, this is this is gonna be a mezing So I get I fell down this rabbit hole. I'm surfing around. Did you know, Danny that generally speaking, male toes grow faster than the female. Sorry, ladies, our toenails are better. We have amazing powers of growing our toenails.
Sexist.
Did you know your nails do not sweat? Danny cannot sweat. They need blood to survive. The nail grows an average of three point five millimeters per month. The gross Here's interesting part of it. The growth rate for nails is different depending on the season. I'm not sure. I would assume they grow less in the winter time, but I don't know that. Yeah, I don't know so, and that
is pretty crazy. I did know this. They said, you can, like medical professionals can judge whether or not you have some weird disease based on just looking at your nails. And that's kind of cool, I guess, or scary. Uh? And he said, in ancient cultures, these are all amazing fun facts about nails and toenails. Wrong. In ancient cultures, they claim that the performance of nail art was a symbol of social status. So if you had like weird crap on your nails, you were you were like a baller.
Back in the day, I read that toenails are basically human claws, So congratulations, Danny, you have claus what And there's research that says toenails help us balance. Did you know that? I bet you didn't know.
That, But that makes sense because my mom tells a story that when I was in kindergarten and my younger brother was born, when he got home from the hospital, the first thing I asked my mom is can I see his pause?
How about his fun guy? And bacteria lurk between our toenails and our skin right underneath it's filled. It is just a pool of bacteria and fun guy. And even if you have really nice hygiene habits and you have what appear to be beautifully clean toenails, the experts claim there are microscopically filthy toe. They're microscopically filthy even if they look clean, because of the bacteria and the fun guy that are underneath it. So there's no way to
have a clean toe. So that makes that line I've used, which Eddie gets so upset about. You know, the line I used sometimes, Danny where Eddie gets really upset and I don't know what you say that when I talk about sucking toes, that is gotta be the most disgusting thing you can do, right, It's gotta be. I mean, you're sucking fun guy in bacteria man. So if you got a foot like Rex Ryan, the foot fetish man, that's you know, vomit comet stuff right there, that's wild.
Might as well lick a public toilet.
It says toenails are made of the same dead skin tissue as fingernails, but are two to three times thicker.
About that?
And how long will it take for my toenail to regrow? According to research? It says typically nails that come off will normally regrow within three to six months, So three to six months. I'm gonna let's do the math on that. It is September. Just came out in September, so we get through October, November, December. I was gonna do again October, November, December, January, February, March. I'm to wait till March to get my toenail back.
Wow, that's after the Super Bowl.
Wow, that's nuts, dude. All Right, Well, that ends my total deep dive into fungus fun or as you said, what was your line there.
Danny, what was your learn toe the line?
Oh, the line I told the line. Are you ready for the word of the week.
I've never been more ready the word of the week.
Yeah. Wait, wait till the big TV people find out I'm doing a podcast about toe fungus. They'll love that.
Anyway.
The word of the week, the word of the week is. The word of the week is a word that I have used a fare amount recently, and it's a phrase of futzing around. The word is futs like, and the word futs the origin of the word futs it's actually a German word German slash Yiddish, goes back way before the days of Adolf Hitler, back when the Jews in Germany were hanging out there. But it's a Yiddish term
and originally it was taken from Herhim Fersen. Sure, I'm butchering that Herms, but that word in German literally meant to fart around. Now there's a couple of different versions of what this the origin of the word futs. Apparently, if you believe some of what I was able to uncover here. Years and years ago, the word futs was a laying term for the most powerful word in the world that will annoy almost universally every single woman, the sea word. That that was a way of saying the
sea word futs. How about that? In America? Though it goes back, this goes back almost one hundred years to the nineteen thirties, to the nineteen thirties, and it meant to loaf or waste time, which is the way I used. So I say I'm futsing around. I'm doing something, which is pretty much, you know, every day all I do is futs around because I'm getting ready for something. You know, most of my day is spent doing show prep, and
the show's a very small part of the day. The rest of it's getting ready for the show and so or watching games or whatever to get ready. And so the word of the week is futs which originally meant to fart around, and well only originally it was the can't you see your next Tuesday word back in the day. So that is the word of the week. I think we'll push back scientifical, Danny. I think, right, we'll wait for another day to do scientific. We do it tomorrow.
Yeah. And by the way, I'm glad you're keeping that word alive. I don't think i've heard anyone use that word since my late great grandmother. She used to tell us stop fussing around, get your shoes on, we're going to kmart.
Hey, listen, what's old is new again? Right, what's old is new again? And I like to play the hits, you know, play the hits? Why not? These are classic words and things get recycled. It's kind of like names. You names get recycled, right, there's a while where everyone's got the same name. When I was a kid, nobody was named Ben, and then there were a lot of people named Ben, and then like Danny, your name very I think your name is still somewhat popular though, right.
That's how I started using my initial was in school because there was always more than one Danny in the class, so we had to go buy our initials.
Oh is that what you did? Yeah? I never had to worry about that. There was only one Bend. I was the only Ben. It was a weird name. I've told the story. When I was a kid, there was a there was a dog named Benji.
Yeah, and I.
Used to get ripped on Hobnjer You're a dog.
Yeah, you screw youf perf hearf.
Anyway, it's Friday, Danny. What do you got coming up today?
What do you got? You're done with your radio show for the week, your live radio show, So you're lucky dog. But I am prepping to get in there for the afternoon show, Covino and Rich. We're gonna have a fun Friday program that's two to four pm on the West Coast, five to seven pm in New York City.
All right, enjoy that, And I will be spending most of my day buzzing around. I'll be pouring myself out trying to desperately get people to watch the TV show so it doesn't get canceled. So I'll be hitting up social media. I'll be bouncing around social media, sending out random tweets alerting people when the show is going to be on. The thing is, I don't even know when it's I know what it's on in Boston, it's on. It's getting a lot of airplane in La on the Lakers station in La.
I love it Man Karma at its finest. In fact, last week I watched it with my little son, Cola and then a couple hours later, my wife, he was asking me about it and I said, it's on the Laker channel again, and she was laughing. She's like, that is so perfect.
I know. I could not have been better. And we're actually excited because once the Lakers start playing, the ratings will go up, and so that'll mean we'll get some of the leftovers on Benny Versus the Penny, which I'm all about.
Hell yeah, that means you'll get season two of your show.
Well we can from your lips to some TV executive's ears. Hey, we'll get out of here, have a great Friday. Thank you for supporting the podcast and giving us a nice review and emailing and you know, contributing all the content we do. Thank you and we'll catch you next time.
Austa Pasta gotta murder. I gotta go