Kabooms.
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to clearinghouse of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mahller starts right now.
In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with Ben Mahler and Danny g And a Happy Sunday, Sunday Sunday.
As we are chilling with you, we thank you for following the podcast, enjoying the podcast where you're listening to it, so, I don't know if you're enjoying it or not, but we're celebrating Good Deeds Day today, Danny and National Dolphin Day. Not about the Miami Dolphins, not about the Miami Dolphins, but it's National Dolphin Day today, so very important day.
Unless have you ever swam with dolphins before?
I have never swam with dolphins. I have watched dolphins from boats many times. I've not done that. Have you swam with dolphins before?
No, But I've swam with goldfish.
It's the same thing. Yeah, they're they're they're both in the in the water. I bet you could probably do that in Hawaii. You get swim with dolphins. There's probably ways you can do it.
But yeah, I think there's places in Florida where you can do that as well.
Are they caged dolphins though? Is it like is it called sea World? Is that what it's called or is it called something like.
I think it's like canned tuna.
Yeah, the same thing, same thing. I get swim in Hawaii with sea turtles. That was pretty cool. Massive fish that were just everywhere, and they a seal next thing, I know, I just saw this white thing flying at my face. There was a there was a seal that I swam.
Yeah. Yeah, if you ever get to have the opportunity to travel to Hawaii, make sure you take one of the boats out for some snorkeling because it is so cool to see all those turtles.
That's and these things are like a couple hundred pounds. These are not little baby turtles. These things they're massive. Although we in we were in Kawaii at one of the beaches on the southern part of Kawaii, and they were like swimming in the waves. They were just like chilling, hanging out a bunch of people on the water. They didn't give a shit, you know, like whatever, doing my thing, having a fine time on this pod. We've got We've got the meats, little pop quiz, and the mail bag.
The mail bag. But Danny, it turns out a little Birdie tells me that people that run a major fast food operation are listening to this podcast, and they're listening to what you have said for a couple of years on this. Is that an accurate portrayal of what is going on?
Danny? You know, Ben, we have more fun on this podcast pointing out when we're wrong about things, but we are actually ahead of the curve on one thing that we speak about from time to time. This is from KTLA five News, Los Angeles, and it's in quotations who actually eats at Arby's? Who the fast food chain is giving away free sandwiches in the month of April to finally end the debate.
Wow, So they're even saying, like who's eating?
Yeah, actual restaurant is admitting that it's a drug front and nobody eats there, says Arby's is giving away free sandwiches throughout the month of April to challenge skeptics. Hey that's me, that's right. The fast food chain is offering free food all month long to squash the question who actually eats at Arby's, According to a press.
Release, Now, the first question is are you going to take them up on that? And is it a free sandwich or do you have to buy something to get the free sandwich. I'm guessing you have to buy something or you have to download the app.
Yeah, ding ding ding the app, Yeah says it's through the app. I'm definitely going to take them up on this because I feel like I can leave with a sandwich and some drugs. It.
Well, it depends what neighborhood you're in, but yeah, sure, sure, why not? Speaking of fast food, did you see that Chick fil A is now the third largest fast food chain in America, which is fascinating because they're not even open on Sunday. Yeah, it's crazy, like to dominate. Imagine how much chicken they got to sell. They started at a mall as a mall restaurant in the late nineteen sixties and now they have over three thousand locations. But
they have surpassed like KFC. They're bigger than KFC, They're bigger than Popeyes and whatnot. But they're the third largest fast food chain chickil a. Where's Arby's on that list, by the way, they sell chicken? Where's Rby's on the list?
You know?
Page down, page down, page down. They must make money because people, they're franchises, right, Those ARBs are franchises, and so you is a franchise owner. You have to put a bunch of money out to get one of the franchises. You're not in it to lose money. They must have the data that they somehow make money.
Do you know how much I just looked it up. Guess how much it costs to own an Arby's franchise?
Well, I know for McDonald's's, Like you got to have either half a million or a million dollars SAR to assume Arby's is somewhere in that neighborhood like half a money?
Oh ok, good, that was a good one. Yeah, anywhere between six hundred and forty five thousand and two million, four hundred and fifty thousand.
What and what kind of profit are you getting on that? Like for an Arby's sandwich with the little cheese on top. What are you getting for that of the curly fries?
This's got to be a front for a major drug operation. And it says Arby's is franchised through the Arby's Restaurant Group and has nearly four billion dollars in total revenue.
Wow, that's wild. I know the grocery store they have in the frozen food section, they have the Rby's curly fries that you can get if you want the the Rby's experience at home, and they sell they sell a fair amount of those. I wonder if they're just making money off that. They're like basically just selling frozen curly fries. And that's it wrong. All right, we haven't done pop the pop quiz in a long time. I think we should do that.
Dan.
We're gonna put you on the spot here. Are you ready for the pop quiz? Are you prepared for the pop quiz?
I've never been more unprepared?
All right, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect au Ry. These are random questions we have found from the interweb, kind of like you know, who knew or whatever, mind bending type questions. So well, quiz Danny, and the way this works in theory, we will run some of these past Danny, and then you can play along as you listen to the pod and see if you can do better than Danny. So the average person will have nearly twenty five of these
in their lifetime, Danny, twenty five of these in their lifetime. Mistresses, mistresses, All right, let's see page Dad. No, that's incorrect. The correct answer, Danny is hets.
Oh yeah, if one dies and people get sad and then the next week they replace them.
Let's do the math, though, that can't be dogs, right because the average lifespan. Let's do some mather math here on the podcast, they said there would.
Be you're right, that's gotta be a total of goldfish, which we just previously mentioned.
A dog lives about let's say eleven years on average. Maybe that's about right, so eleven, and then you do that times twenty five. That would mean you would be living the two hundred and seventy five years of age to have twenty five dogs.
No, no, this is you're right. This has got to be like hamsters and all the crap that kids ask.
For the goldfish and the counting that pick that fish.
Yeah, okay, a little lizard in a tank, all that stuff.
Yeah, all right, let's see what's next on pop quiz. This household item first appeared in ancient Egypt and still to this day is regularly seen in houses around the world. And when it appeared in ancient Egypt, it was game changing. It was, oh, that's easy. The vibrator, yes, they had the it was the plug in one. They didn't have the batteries back then. But no. The correct answer, Danny is scissors. Oh, scissors. Imagine when scissors came around. Oh my god, I can cut things. This is amazing.
Wow, it's the opposite of pleasure. This is what women run and chase you with and they're mad.
Yeah, and the scissors thing, it's one of those deals. It's like, was that like deadly forced with the scissors? People trying to ban the scissors because you could die from scissors.
You think that was going on back then? Were these okay to take through TSA great.
Question like when you went on the ancient Egyptian wagon? And was that a lot? I don't know. All right, Forty of adult surveyed say they have gone at least three days without doing this, at least three days without doing this, And I bet you're tired than that. I bet you're tireder than that. What do you think? Forty percent of adult surveyed say they have gone at least three days.
Without snorting cocaine.
Snorting cocaine, well, come on, you're not in La Danny. Yeah that you can't go more than twelve hours without that. But they they say forty percent of adults surveyed said they had gone at least three days without a face to face conversation. Loser, but that.
Yeah, your computer doesn't count.
Well, I mean, zoom the doom, doom doom.
Apparently the screen I guess.
I guess that does not unfortunately does not count. But yeah, I could get that. I go in now. So it's like I have to see people and have face to face, brief, face to face conversation. So on the weekends, I no, I don't think I go. I don't think I go a day without having a face to face conversation. I know, by myself, maybe that would be the case, but that's not the case, all right, A study says. A recent study says a construct on a construction site. Women are better at doing this than men.
Better at getting cat calls, You.
Better get me that good stuff and better at cat calls getting oodled. No, that is incorrect hammering nails. They're more accurate at hammering.
Neil want proof on this.
Don't you just use a nail gun if you're out there on the site, the job site, those giant nail guns.
There's probably some spaces where those nail guns don't fit.
H all right, let's see what else do we have a page that? All Right, nearly half of American adults over the age of fifty admit they do this at least once a month over the age of fifty. Nearly half of American adults over the age of fifty do this at least once a month.
Uh, run over a cat.
Well, that's clearly more than that. No, the answer is to play video games. Don't you think that numbers higher because everyone's got almost everyone's got smartphone.
Yeah, I guess it depends what you consider a video game. Like you play scrabble? Does that count?
I think it does count. I do play a lot of scrabble. I'm very good at scrabble. I'm very happy I had a big scrabble win this week. Thanks for bringing it up, Nanny. This guy I played a random scrabble game.
We'll talk about our brackets from last week.
Yeah, that's what people want here. And so this guy, he got a seventy eight on the first word. So I'm down seventy eight to nothing before I make my first move on scrabble, and I beat the guy by one hundred. I beat the guy by I kicked his ass. Okay, I dominated this schmuck who thought he was going to win because he jumped out to a big seventy eight to nothing lead. And I came back and I squished the guy. I delivered the haymaker, is what I did to that loser. How dare him think that he was
going to get on top of me? Not going to happen, all right, I what's next on pop quiz, let's a year I go page down here. Eighty percent of people say it upsets them to hear this.
When you take a call from Marcel.
Oh my gosh, Marcel in Brooklyn. Hello, Marcel, don't worry, it's just pay the tot.
Who's the gambling guy? Poppy?
Yeah, he hadn't called. He was banned for a week. Stop calling again.
So I was gonna say when people hear Poppy's voice.
Yeah, that that annoys people. I think we chased them away, though again, who knows he might be back. But eighty percent of people say it upsets them. Do hear their own voice? Their own voice? So yeah, I'm in that category.
It's weird. It's like how actors are uncomfortable sometimes watching their work back on the big screen.
Yeah, and on Benny versus the Penny, it was a little cringe worthy to watch that. Although the person I forget the person's name that I did the show with, they had no problem watching themselves on television.
Here's time looney.
It loved to watch themselves on television. They could not wait to watch themselves on television.
Penny loved him some Penny.
On the other side, I was like, oh boy, I look disgusting. Why would anyone watch it so bad? My god, it's horrible.
That whole thing.
Though a little different perspective, a little different perspective, But what happened? What else do we have? Let's see, over fifty eight million Americans did this in twenty twenty two, spending over fifty two billion in the process. Fifty eight million Americans twenty twenty two spent over fifty two billion in the process.
This was when we were all ordering food. So I'm gonna say used a like a door dash app door dash app.
That is incorrect. This is we were the answer we were looking for on pop quiz. Camping. We're looking at camping was the answer, Danny, didn't you and the wife you told the story you went? Not total camping was? What was it called? Was the term?
It was fugasey camping. There was like, oh, lamping, lamping?
Clamping?
Was it? It's like half camping and half real roof over your head.
Yeah, but it's like being a vegetarian and wanting to eat meat. You know, if you want a camp don't just go out there and camp. Although that place you sent me the link, it did look pretty cool.
That place was cool. It was in Avala Beach, California.
Will you be going back there?
Yeah, we will head back there. It's on a hill overlooking the ocean. It's pretty beautiful.
Love driving up the California coast beautiful. It's a there's very few drives as cool as that up the coast. All right, we'll do one more and then we'll get to the mail bag. And over half of the sales of this item are at a convenience store. Over half the sales of this item are at a convenience store. And the person most associated with this item back in the day was a was a wrestler.
Snip into a slim gym.
Yeah, look at you. You got that one right, Daddy. I set you up for that one, but you got it right.
Slim gym. Well, I was actually gonna guess that before you said wrestler, because are you Yeah, because when I think snack at the gas station, I always ask my girl for a slim gym.
You want to step into a slim gym?
Yeah?
All right, Well that is the correct answer. So reminds me of a guy I worked with. I've told the story a few times over the years, but this guy Wei, and when I was filling in doing for like two years, I did some shows for EI in Boston and this guy was a nighttime host, but he he had another job. He was a candy salesman. He was a lollipop salesman. And he talked to me one time off the air.
We were talking about how the lollipop business works and that there's so much negotiation with these big stores like Target and Walmart. On product placement because so many people don't go to a store to buy a lollipop, but when they're waiting online to check out and they see a nice lollipop, they'll buy the lollipop. So it's a huge thing for these lollipop companies to get product placement right there where your checking out those last minute impulse purchases.
Maybe you can suck on it and that'll make it better. That was I was clearly edited. I never never said what is what you're playing here? I never said that, let's get to the mail bag. Ready for the mailberg it's.
Bag?
All right, thank you, Ohio. Our first one from Tommy in Cincinnati says Hey, Ben, Bennie the Brazen and Danny G a longtime listener here, a huge fan.
Ben.
I listened to the podcast working the dreaded day shift. It is convenience. I can hit the volume quick when you scream and yell, which is quite often. What do I do, Tommy? Number one? Like that?
Turn that down for the listeners?
All right? Tommy from since he says, my question when you are on the mic from the north Woods says, your lovely wife ever complain about your volume as she is trying to sleep. Keep up the amazing work. Well, thank you, Tommy. So yeah, I don't do the show from the home studio as often as I used to. Don't do that. And when we have house guests, I don't do it at all because I'll keep them up all night. But we have a pretty good system. My
studio is away from most people. There's a guest room that we have, like an extra bedroom that is right next to the guest studio. So if we have a guest staying at the house, I'm screwed. I'm porked, not gonna work. But other than that, like everyone's far away and they can my wife can sleep, and she's usually the key is she goes to bed early enough where my scream and howling Tommy do not wake her up because she's already sleeping, and once you get to a
certain point in sleep, she's a pretty good sleeper. I'm not a great sleeper, so it'd be more of a problem for me. But thank you for asking, Tommy, and thank you for listening to the podcast. And go have some skyline Chile with Andy Furman and Justin in Cincinnati and just Josh if he's still around. He didn't really listen live anymore? All right, Ah, let's see would you rather? Will? From Dallas rights? And he's yet he's got three he
says his shikola here is would you rather questions? I think he stole that from Nick and Wisconsin, so I don't think that's original.
Will.
Are you ready for would you rather questions? From Will? In Dallas?
Danny?
Let's do it all right? Would you rather have the ability to see ten minutes into the future or one hundred and fifty years into the future?
Well, ten minutes, because what the hell good is one hundred and fifty years is going to do for us? We're dead, exactly?
You could one hundred and fifty years you could help out. You could help some people out in your family by investing in certain products, and the family would make a lot of money and maybe you'll be a hero, assuming they don't sell the stock when you're dead. But the ten minute thing you can make some money at because with in game betting, if you knew what's gonna happen ten minutes from now, you could freaking kill it. And think about just in the casino in general, playing roulette,
playing poker. Perhaps if you knew for the text next ten minutes. How the dice we're going to roll in craps?
Are you me on live radio shows? You could ruin everybody's punchlines?
Oh well, well that's what Eddie does that anyway, he does not need me. How about shut up? What else do we have? Well will from Dallas, he says, would you rather have telekinesis? That's the ability of Danny to move things with your mind, or the ability to read minds, to have the ability to readmind so to move things or read mine. Uh, but if I think you start reading people's minds, you're not gonna like what you're reading. You know what I'm saying? Might go ahead, I'd go to a very people.
To move things, though, Like, what are you gonna do with that skill.
As a magician? Think if you were a magician, you could actually Like magic's all fake, but if you could actually move shit as a magician, Oh my god, you'd be the biggest show in Vegas. You'd have a Broadway show. You'd be huge, You'd you'd be a superhero. If you could move, actual move things, not not fake with strings and smoking mirrors, but to actually move things would be like.
The Roy hobbes of magicians, though, suddenly show up with his major skill, and everybody in the magician world would be like, where the hell have you been your whole life?
But the ability to read minds though, Danny Again, it's like, you know you're gonna get a lot of stuff you don't you don't want to know, although it could help you in certain areas if you're you're unsure you're a relationship, you're unsure if the other person kind of likes you or not for real, you can kind of get that answer. But is that really worth that much? I don't know. Maybe it is our last one from Will would you rather?
Will from Dallas says, would you rather give up air conditioning and heating for the rest of your life or give up the Internet for the rest.
Of your life?
That's a pretty good one, actually, So I feel like the internet has all the answers and is also the creation of all the problems. But it takes up so much of our time, and it's almost impossible to do what we do now without the internet. So I'd have to give up my beloved air conditioning, and I would have to give up my heating. I just have to get fans that doesn't. That's not really air conditioning, right, fans and air conditioning, it's a fan.
I am a monkey saying so I just.
Have to get some fans.
Well, when it's like one hundred and ten degrees in southern California, all the fan does is blow the hot air into your face. They're the vine.
This is true. But with the Internet I could find a way to futs around with the fan. You know they have those old.
Too, could hire topless maids to fan you.
Well, there's that, but you could also you have those those like hokey fans, the original fans where they just put like a block of ice behind the fan and then the ice would melt and then the cold air from the ice would lead, you know, cool you down. That might be violating it. But would you give up the Internet for air conditioning, Danny? I?
Yeah, I don't think I could make it through a Los Angeles summer without air conditioning. And how often you and I both visit our suburb of La which is Las Vegas. Gotta have it there, so I can't imagine not having AC.
So you would give up the Internet? Danny G is willing to say goodbye to the micro blogging world. Yeah, good rentance Steve in southern California. Right, so says Hey, I grew up watching the Dodgers in the nineties. I was a huge Mike Piazza fan. Does he still have a grudge with the team? Well, I'm Steve. I'm not his mother or his father. I don't think you are Danny either, So I'll tell you what I know. Piazza.
I was there. I was covering the team when he was with the Dodgers, and he was the biggest stars in Sandy Kofax. Everyone loved Mike Piazza. People find this hard to believe, but he was a bigger deal than Kobe Bryant. At one point, he was the rock star of LA.
There was a mural of him on the side of Dodger Stadium.
Yeah, he was bigger than life. Piazza. And then they traded him to the Marlins. Piazza thought he was going to get a contract. He was convinced he was going to spend his whole career with the Dodgers. He loved La, lived in the South Bay. He enjoyed all of the perks of LA you name it, all the debauchery you can get into in Los Ange.
Angelas got several superstars from the Marlins, though.
Oh yeah, wonderful Charles Johnson who never made an error with the Marlins. And then we figured out the reason he never made an arrow because the official scorer was in the tank. He was catching in Miami anyway. So yeah, Piazza got so upset that the Dodgers did not give him a the contract that he thought he was going to get and then be traded him did the unimaginable. It was May fifteenth, nineteen ninety eight, I believe was the day. It was sports radio night at Dodgers Stadium.
Was our radio station was doing a promotion giving away these really cool radios. Never heard of them, imagine doing that these days, but they did. And that was the night the Dodgers were playing I believe Montreal, if I remember correctly, Piazza showed up with a Pittsburgh Penguins jersey and was traded. But the trade was held up because Gary Sheffield had a no trade clause and demanded more money. Otherwise he wasn't going to be part of the trade.
Remember that Todd zeal was included in that. He went to the Marlins that's right. Was Jim Eisenwright, Gary Sheffield, Charles Johnson, and there was like some other like minor league player or something like that. So scrubs, Yeah didn't. We got Sheffield put up some good numbers, but they didn't never embraced the whole Dodger thing. It was just
a phago. Mond Kevin from the Bay rights and he says, guys, with the A's leaving town soon, what are the chances that Oakland ends up getting another big league team in my lifetime?
Oh?
I don't know how. I don't know how old Kevin is. How old are you planning on living, Kevin, It's gonna be at least twenty five years, right, Danny, at least twenty five years minimum.
Tucked about it on our podcast before. Crime and everything else has gotten so bad there in that area that people aren't trying to move in there. They're trying to get out of that area. It needs a big time cleanup.
Yeah, but that does change. I mean politics change. California used to be conservative Ronald Rager.
Right, But Ben, I've been waiting two decades for somebody to step in and help that city out.
No, I hear you, But it's not going to last forever. I mean things, people of all people change. People get tired of the bullshit, get tired of having to close restaurants because of crime and all that, And at some point there'll be a sea change, but it's going to have to happen for a fair amount of time. But then the other thing is, you just need somebody who's really wealthy from Oakland that wants to bring back a baseball team to that area. But then you also have
the Giants, who are a roebuck. You think the Giants are going to want to allow another team to come into their area, they can be like, no way, we're not going to do that. We now own all of northern California.
Well, maybe if Sacramento has a good run here with the temporary A's, maybe potentially they can become a new MLB city.
Yeah, I could see that. But you have the money people. There's a lot of tech people with money, tons of it. There's tons of rich people in northern California that could any one of them could buy the A's fifteen times over or buy a baseball team and put it in that area. But as you said, Danny, with the crime and the you know the the It's like Sodom and Gomara in parts of Oakland. Why would you put a team there? It makes no sense. At this point, Mike
from Vegas resident says, this is for you. Danny said, I heard your story last week about Murphy's Law. I was wondering if you will count the bets that you don't make as wins with Covino and Rich you go? Are you now? I guess he's trying to He wants to know a if you don't bet, is that count as a win. And he wants to know if you're going to bet again going forward with those guests.
What do you think like if you stay out of a bet that you wish you made.
Are you gonna You're gonna do it? You're gonna put your money and I bet.
Yeah. I That's what it boils down to is when I saw him in that four hundred and fifty dollars in cold cast money in his hands, it ruined the rest of that night. So you're damn right, I'm gonna do it next time, all right.
Last one on the mailbag, JJ from Orlando, the home of Mickey Mouse rights in this as Ben and Danny, I just found your overnight show recently, and I wanted to know how the heck have you found all these people that call your show, all the crazy people that call your show?
Are they real?
No, they're all fake. I'm like Phil Henry, No, no, JJ. This is one of the things we talked about this a little bit on the Friday podcast where I did the deep dive on the Henri documentary as I gave a Malor film review, and you can check that out when you're done listening to this podcast, which is almost over. But yeah, yeah, JJ. My special skill is the zany people that call talk radio. It's like a moth to a flame. They find the show, they find me out.
I don't know how we've always been able to pull this off over the years. Yes, as far as I know, they are all real people. There are some that I thought were fake, like Genie and Medford that turned out to be real people. Oh that isn't funny. These are people living amongst us, JJ. These are your neighbors, these are your relatives, these are your fellow human beings out there. So anyway we'll get out on that. I'll be back. I should be back tonight all assuming everything goes well.
With the travel today should be back and we'll recap all that happened over the last couple of days in the sporting world. Danny, anything you want to promote here on this Sunday.
Well, yeah, I have a show for you. I have a little homework assignment for you. All right. Earlier on the podcast, we talked about magicians. Yeah, there's a cool new show on Netflix. Justin Willman is a pretty well known magician. He's got a new show called The Magic Prank Show. Really good. You should check that out. Justin Willman, The Magic Prank.
Show and this on Netflix.
You said, yeah, it's on Netflix, all right, I'll check it out. I thought of you. But he was doing little tricks getting ready for the pranks. I'm like, I bet you Ben would like this.
Yeah. I'm into magic. I like the whole magic thing. I would have been a great magician. When I went to Disneyland, my parents probably thought I was a little on the spectrum because I would just want to go to the magic Shop at Disneyland. I love the Magic Shop. I loved all the gags at the Magic Shop. That was where I wanted to be. Wreck there on Main Street, USA.
Little did they know you were going to turn out to be the next Steve Martin.
Oh, absolutely all right, have a great rest all of your day. We will catch you next weekend on the pot. I'll be back tonight eleven o'clock in the West, two am Monday morning in the East with a fresh week of the original recipe Ben Mathers Show, And we'll talk to you then later.
Skater got a murder. I gotta go.