The Fifth Hour: Surviving Like Salt

with the way things have gone this week. In fact, last night on Friday night, the Palisades fire, which is the biggest of the fires. There's like a fire circles Dante's inferno here in Los Angeles and the Palisades fire made its way over the hill, heading towards the San Fernando Valley. Now we broadcast from the San Fernando Valley our studios in Sherman Oaks. If you're familiar with the

geography of southern California. The fire was headed towards Encino, which is the next the next city over from Sherman Oaks. But last I saw its early here on Saturday. But last I saw they had a pretty good handle on keeping it out of that part of the valley, which is a tremendously well populated part of Los Angeles. We emanate from Ventura and some Pulvida, the corner of Venturnasalvida, and it is insane, insane how many people are in that area. There are a lot, a lot, a lot,

a lot, a lot. As far as the whole sporty thing, it's concerned because I don't even know if this is a sports podcast at this point, I'm not sure exactly what it is. It's just about it's the podcast about nothing. It's the podcast about nothing. I was watching last night

as the Ohio State University. You look for that dramatic plot twist and there it was Quin Ears, the quarterback for Texas, set up the Longhorns about to tie the game at Tory, and then all hell broke loose as Jack Sawyer with the play of the decade and many decades for Ohio State stripping the Texas quarterback is former roommate back in the day and returned that fumble eighty

three yards touchdown. Buck Eys in Ohio State gets a twenty eight to fourteen win last night in Arlington over the Longhorns in the Cotton Bowl, and that sets up a made for TV extravaganza. Ohio State. The Buck guys who looked we had all fired their head coach Ryan Day after they lost to Michigan, and now they have a chance at their sixth national championship. The Buck guys and a kid from Ohio making the play there Ohio

State thirteen to two. They have been the most dominant team in the college football Playoff and now they'll take on the fighting Irish in all Upper Midwest battle Royal Ohio State versus the pride of the State of Indiana South Bend, Indiana. Touchdown, Jesus, and that's it. The Southeastern Conferences out you have an independent in Notre Dame taking on the Big Ten traditional old school Big Ten Ohio State for the championship game a week from Monday. A

week from Monday, it is on now. Later today we have NFL Wild Card Action. A reminder, Benny Versus the Penny is available. Benny Versus the Penny is available for you can check out the latest stylings on Benny Versus the Penny available on Peacock, airing all day long throughout the country on NBC Sports regional cable channels. Hopefully we'll have a chance to watch that. Very proud of the show. Otherwise I wouldn't do it, but it was crazy week.

We talked about that a lot on the Friday podcast about having to work out the logistics our studios at Universal Studios. We have a little studio there that we use to do Benny Versus the Penny. We were unable to get in there because of the fires. The studios were closed. Hard to believe that doing a television show picking NFL games against the spread is not essential, but apparently it was deemed non essential. The games today, I assume you know the games today, they'll kick off the

NFL playoffs Wild card Saturday, the Los Angeles Chargers. We'll take on the Texans in Houston, and the Chargers a three point favorite in that game on the road over CJ. Stroud and the Texans. It is interesting to know, then, in the eyes of television, that is the least attractive matchup, that is the matchup that has no juice, according to TV How do we know that it's the first matchup.

It's kind of like in the baseball playoffs they often put if the Blue Jays make the playoffs, or the Royals, or that the first game that's played during the day is the team least attractive in the eyes of television. Now, I do work in television, but barely work in television, So I just want to point out that that's just what TV pop will say. They they judge us on who's got the most juice, who's got that Gennis Aquah, who can bring eyeballs to the schoolyard, who can bring

all the eyeballs to the schoolyard. So the Texans are deemed the Chargers also, so that's the first game. Kind of like in basketball, they would they would put trying to think like the Memphis Grizzlies would play that first playoff game, Chargers and Texans again. First game Chargers favorite on the road, the Lake game, which I think is on Amazon on the Amazon the Pets, Bag Stealers, the Insers taking on the Ravens in Baltimore, third times the Charm.

The Steelers won the first game. The Ravens won the second game thanks to some gifts by Russell Wilson. That game will kick off later today at eight o'clock Eastern Time, and the Ravens a nine and a half point favorite. Holy Smokes Batman a nine and a half point favorite for the Baltimore Ravens in that game. Are you kidding me? No? Now,

turning the page from the NFL. On this edition of the Fifth Hour podcast, the Saturday Special, We've got the cookie drop, the Oldie but a goodie, the code head, and the phrase of the week. You phrase the week. We'll start with this so we hear doing the show from southern California been affected more so than most by the by the wildfires. Now I'm fortunate where the Malor Mansion is. I'm pretty far removed from the fire zone, as I do not live in any place where the

fires are directly the smoke is is very real. Depends if your down range from the from where the fires are. The wind changing directions, so we've gotten a fair amount of smoke. The wind has calmed down, and it was like a haunted mansion. At the Malor Mansion the other night. My dog, Moxie, the mox Alatto, freaked me out. Right, Moxie freaked me out. Now, I didn't realize this was the thing. I'm sitting there getting ready for the show, and I'm preparing for the show. The wind is howling.

It is. I feel like we're in like some kind of hurricane or somebody was. It was insane. There were hurricane strength winds, whole level hurricane blowing around and everything's flying all over the place. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, I'm trying to get ready for the show, and I'm I'm distracted because I got the I got the local news on. They're showing the fires and people are panicked and they're leaving and things are burning and it's a big to do. And Moxie starts shaking her head.

She's freaking out with all the wind. My dog mocks you. The bulldog starts freaking out right, going crazy and all this stuff, and I thought she was having a seizure. I was like, I was like, oh, crap, I don't know what to do. You know, what do you do?

You know? I had no idea, so I started googling, and it turns out, and I didn't know this because this is the first time I ever had a bulldog, but the English bulldog they have bulldog head shaking SYNDROMEFFERF say what yeah, also known as idiopathic head tremors ihcheese. It just carriterized by a sudden episodic head bob, come on, Pippin', get your tims up. Tremors or nodding of the head, which is what my dog Moxie was doing. The nodding

of the head. The exact cause of the idiopathic head tremors, according to the Internet, is unknown. However, they believe it's because of great excitement or anxiety. In this case, it appears it was anxiety. So Moxy was freaking out. This big, strong, muscular bulldog absolutely freaked out by the wind. And so anyway, I was like trying to hold Moxie. Anything be all right. But eventually she chilled out and then she just slept for like seven or eight hours. My dog, so dog

just sleeps nonstock just wonderful. If I could sleep as much as Moxie man, would life be good. Last week I bought a dog and I needed an emotion. Now, as far as the cookie drop is concerned, my sister in law was one of those that was affected by the fire. She lives in the foothills. The Eaton Canyon fire, which is not the Palisades fire with the Palisades fire was the one that's making its way tried to make its way over the hill last night into the San

Fernando Valley. But the Eaton Canyon fire, which I love eating can you used to go hiking there quite a bit. I've been there with my dad back in the name my older brother. We all went up to the waterfall

at Eaton Canyon. But that area burned in the Altadena area of Los Angeles, and my sister in law and my niece and nephew, who I see quite a bit, they all had to vacate, so they were at a park with some other I don't know, fire refugees I guess you'd call them, and a couple of my sister in law's good friends lost their homes already, they burned down from the fire. So they're trying to figure out like what to do, and so they've been staying with

other relatives, the friends of my sister in law. So they had a like a playdate thing at the park. And so I as uncle Benny. When your uncle Benny, you got to go help the kids. You know, this goes to the grown ups can figure out how they're going to rebuild their lives. And so Uncle Benny went to the park and I was the monster that and I make a great monster that was attacking the kids.

And there's nothing better in life. Because there were kids of all age, all the way from one probably to like nine or ten, you know, in that age range. And there's nothing I love more than a There was a one year old kid there, little red headed kid. And if you ever ever you know, like an uncle or a dad or whatever, if you're around kids, you know whatever, and the kid, like, you know how they

like fake punch you. And then when you act like you have been taken by this atomic fist and it's you know, just a total body blow body blow and you fall back. And to see the pure joy. The pure excitement on that kid's face is just outstanding. Right, It's just the greatest thing in the world. And sure enough I was able to provide that service. And I feel like I'm one of the top fake punch guys. I could have been a stunt man. I could have been a Hollywood stunt man, you know, doing the thing.

And but it was a lot of fun. And I actually I stopped by and made some cinnamon cinnamon raisin cookies, cinnamon raising oatmeal cinnamon raisin cookies. Now I was going to make chocolate chip. I text my sister in law. I said, Hey, what what cookies do the kids want? And she said, well, you know they're good with like chocolate chip, but your sister in law would love oatmeal raisin. So then I realized I had I had some cookies I had made for last weekend, and so those were

kind of laying around. So I had the cookies for last weekend, the chocolate chip. They had some walnuts in them, and I I said, you know, the kids don't give a they don't give a crap whether the cookies are fresh or they are a few days old. But I said, I make some oatmeal raisin. I'll drop these off, the oatmeal raisin or these other cookies the kids will have.

So that's what I did. So we stopped by. There was a like I said, they were a meeting at a playground at a park so the kids could play and the parents could figure out how they're going to deal with the insurance and all the grown up crap, and just just absolutely terrible as they got to get everything right. All their clothes are gone. Just I mean, if you've ever been through that, I know some of

you have. I've heard email, I've gotten emails from people, have heard stories from people who have sent me emails about what that's like. So, and the fire is still going on from what i've from what I understand the forecast, the winds are supposed to pick up here in La again I think on Tuesdays. So they only have today and Tomorrow and Monday to get this thing under wraps

before there's another round of fires. And I promise you there will be, because it appears that several of these fires have been started by arsonists, by people that should be sent to be executed by a firing squad. In fact, there's an apparently video of two people caught lighting a fire with gasoline moments before the Palisades Fire, which is the biggest fire in the history of I believe, United States in many, many different categories. So there's video of that,

and there's multiple other fires that have been started by individuals. Now, are these people all related? Are these just people who are opportunistic who realize what was going on? I mean, and it's one of these catch twenty two situations. I was texting a friend of mine about this, not to get political, however, Yeah, no, we were talking about the

local news. However you get is whether it's the Internet, old school media, television, radio, whatever, they make such a big point of emphasis and we're gonna have extreme wind conditions. You know, it's being very dangerous, you know, high fire warning. Isn't that like a dog whistle to people on the spectrum who are up to no good? They're like, oh, look, it's gonna be really bad if I were to start a fire right about here, and boy, that would be

really bad, do it. You know, there's a whole bunch of Internet conspiracies. Who knows what's true and who's not. Who knows what's not. One thing I've learned though from the whole COVID thing when they say, oh, it's one hundred percent of conspiracy, there's no truth to it. Like a lot of stuff people they were saying about COVID being conspiracy theories have been proven correct. So just because somebody says something is a conspiracy theory does not mean

it's just a conspiracy theory. That is a way to dismiss a claim. That is a way to belittle a claim. Right, And so I you gotta you gotta judge things for yourself. You gotta you gotta determine what's important, what you think is real in your world in the multiverse. Right, So that's that's the way that goes. That's the way that goes.

So we'll see what happens. But apparently this video of at least the Palisades fire, which is the biggest, and a couple of the other fires, which makes sense, right. I know, I know it's going to be devastating to the climate change crowd. They're gonna be very upset by this because they were really hoping this is just climate change,

but no, it's opportunistics people. It appears that you would not have this number of fires strategically placed all around Los Angeles unless some, if not all, of them were being started by individuals. And so the pieces to the puzzle. We don't have all the pieces, but the pieces we have are leaning that direction. We will see. But anyway, I brought some cookies over. That was the big cookie drop. Now the oldie, but a goodie, the oldie but of goodie.

So this is in the next month. My wife has decided that we ate out a lot in November and December because of Thanksgiving and Christmas, and we had a lot of events. And so for the next month from this point in January until this point in February, right around the Super Bowl, no eating out, no restaurants. Every meal will be prepared and consumed inside the Mallard kitchen. That's how this is gonna go. That's how this is gonna go. And so we've been preparing. For example, this weekend,

we back on Friday, made corn dogs. And the reason I made corn dogs because they came up on the Overnight Show this week and I was like, I haven't had corn dogs in a while. And then I was like, well, I can't get one because we're not allowed to go to restaurants and normally I get my corn dogs at the restaurants. So I told my told the wife and so home. So we got the corn meal, We got everything we need, the eggs, all that stuff, milk, whatever, put it all together, and obviously the hot dogs and

made some corn dogs. We made some corn and they were very good. There were more like corn biscuits than corn dogs. There was hot dog in there, but these things had a lot of corn meal on them and they were really delicious, delicious. And so we're trying different recipes and whatnot. But the reason I bring up odie but a goodie date line, date line, the hot tub time machine. Is it true that a container in the Mallard kitchen belongs to the archive of years gone by?

A container of Morton salt? Morton salt in the very back of a cabinet, the Malar Kinchen Malar kitchen. I would like you to take a guess. Guess the year? Can you guess the year of the salt? All right? Inquiring minds would like to know? All right? Reveal answers, Reveal answers, pens down, no more guesses. Survey says, how about twenty oh four? A container of Morton salt from the year twenty oh four in the back of the malar cabinet. Now, this was not mine originally, this was

my dad's. I inherited this when my pops passed away a few years ago, and it survived a bunch of moves and all kinds of stuff, and there was and I was saying about it, like, salt doesn't really go bad, right, Why would salt expire? It's salt. It's the salt of the earth. So anyway, we were using it, we'd been using it. We're not dead, so apparently everything's okay and

just wild. I was tving like where I was in twenty oh four, it's twenty twenty five now, and then I'm like, you know, a lot has changed around me. I've lost a lot of my friends and my loved ones. My parents are both gone. But I was still working at Fox Sports Radio in twenty oh four. Like, professionally, it's cool. I have a TV show now and that's pretty neat and I'm very proud of that. But like the radio stuff, I wasn't doing the overnight show. Well

I was. I was doing the weekend overnight show in twenty oh four, and I was filling in. I was doing shows with like Chris Myers and people like that at Fox. And but that's a long well, I mean twenty one years. That salt has been on the shelf at a mallor home for twenty one bleeping years. That is insane, absolutely insane. Now you know it's also insane. Want to tell you a story. Story time on the

fifth hour. So the other day, a few days back in a galaxy far far away, I pull up to the iHeart Premiere Network building in the Oaks, Sriman, Oak. So I make the long drive from the North Woods on many highways and byways, and I'm pulling into the parking lot place I've worked for many, many years. So I get in there and the very front space, which is where I usually park because at night there's not many people there. It's a barebone staff. It's a barebone staff.

So at night I park in the front because I get there early, and this space is always open. So this space, there were a couple of cones, those orange cones, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, So there's two orange cones in the space. And I had seen this last couple of days and I was like, well, somebody must be fing around, you know, somebody must be moving those cones out. So I said, you know, this is ridiculous.

There's no one here. It's late at night. So I stopped my car, I got out, and I moved the cones out of the space, and then I backed into the space and I'm grabbing my possessions. I have a couple of bags I take with me to work, and I grab the bags and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna chop, chop. I'm gonna get to work and you know, do my thing.

And all I turn out my peripheral vision to my left, I see this, this guy sprinting out and it was the security guard for the building, the Conehead security guard. I've never seen the security do anything. There have been people doing shooting drugs up in their veins in the building when I've left, and they haven't stopped them. There have been homeless people sleeping in the parking garage, haven't stopped him. I saw a guy drive on his bicycle in there to break into cars plot because he had

the tools to break in. They didn't do a damn thing. This security guard sprinted out, said what are you doing? What are you doing. And I looked at him. I said, well, I'm I'm parking my car. He said, you can't park you are you allowed to park there? You can't park there? What are you doing parking? You can't park there? And guy was all flustered. I so, I've worked here for twenty five years. I've always parked in this spot. I don't know why the cones were there, so I just

moved the cones and I said, that's there. He says, you can't. You're not allowed to park there. You cannot part there. So then the guy tells me, and I don't think he was supposed to tell me this. He says that some some broad right, some woman who works the building is paying an extra five hundred dollars a month to have that parking space secured in the building. Now, keep in mind, I cannot stress this enough. At the time I come in, the entire parking garage is wide open.

Now I get saving a space during the day, the building gets very busy. There's a lot of people that worked there during the day. But to think somehow you need that space reserved overnight is ridiculous to me. It's like the dumbest thing I look at the guy. You gotta be kidding me. And another guy makes like no money and probably you know, this is a guy I don't know. Some of the security guards. I get along

with the one guy, James. He's been there a long time, and I just love the guy, like he's great, dude. I know his whole story, the whole thing, very positive guy. This guy's kind of knew and just the way I don't know, the whole the whole vibe thing was like, you gotta be kidding me. So it was the to me, it was the funniest thing in the world. It was just another example of like here we are twenty twenty five in an empty parking lot. Literally there was two

other cars. There's hundreds of parking places in this parking garage goes up like eight stories of parking. It's a very large car. There's only a few cars in there, and this space was reserved. This is so stupid to me, but I moved my car. I moved my car, and I snickered as I walked by, and I was telling you. I was talking to a few people in the building and we were like, this is this is crazy, this is absolutely nuts. But that's that's what happened. Anyway, why

do we have the phrase? All we here we go the phrase of the week and the phrase of the week sent in by Steve O Steveo's New Jersey. He says, Ben and Danny, I in the pod, I am not that far away from the city that never sleeps. I want to know where that phrase came from. Is it true? It came from the Sinatra song. That's from Stevo. So yeah, this will be the phrase of the week, the City

that Never sleeps. So I did a little bit of investigating, and while it is true the iconic New York New York song Frank Sinatra nineteen seventies, late nineteen seventies, he said he wanted to wake up in a city that doesn't sleep. The phrase is actually much much older than the Frank Sinatra song. And you can actually thank the United States Postal Service for the phrase the city that never sleeps, not some slick marketing firm. No, no, no, let's take you back in the DeLorean. We're gonna set

the year nineteen oh seven seven. It was August of nineteen oh seven, big announcement that in Manhattan the mail would be delivered at night. That's right, the mail was going to be delivered at night. So the New York Tribune in New York City, they had a headline that read about the mail delivery and said New York City a city that never sleeps. That was from the New

York Tribune around that time. And then later on in the early nineteen seventies, the people at City Bank, their slogan was the city never sleeps, as in Citi, and that was in the nineteen seventies, and then the Sinatra song in the late seventies, want to wake up in a city that doesn't sleep And so oh, anyway, the city for Stebo, the city that never sleeps. The slogan of New York City actually from a newspaper headline. But you can thank night mail delivery. They were delivering the

mail at eight o'clock. Big news, big news back in the day in Manhattan. And that is that the phrase of the week, the city that never sleeps. All right, have a wonderful rest of your Saturday. Enjoy the football today. We will have a mail bag. That's right, a brand spankin new mail bag will have that for you on Sunday. Don't forget to watch Bennie Versus the Penny. Later today, Bennie Versus the Penny, we will have our live well live on tape coverage of every game against the spread.

Information you can only get on Bennie Versus the Penny that'll be available later today. Let's available right now on Peacock Nationally airing in Los Angeles on the Spectrum Lakers cable channel, and also in San Francisco, NBC Sports Bay Area, Philadelphia, Boston, a bunch of Spectrum cable channels around the country, a bunch of national affiliates. Check that out. Watch it. Don't forget. We'll have a new Fifth Hour podcast tomorrow. And if you want to send a question in to the mail bag,

you can do that. The address, the mailing address. You don't have to do it right now. If you want to do it later, in a couple days, whatever, in a future mail bag. Keep it somewhat generic if you want it in a future mail bag. Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. That's Real Fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Danny G would say, if he was here, Asta pasta, you killed it later, skater? Is that how it works now? Vapulation