Kabooms.
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Wow.
The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
In the air.
Everywhey, welcome in too, the Saturday Saturday Saturday edition of The Fifth Hour with Ben Mahler and Danny g As. We're hanging out with you all week and long. Fresh audio content every single day, never before heard audio content on this the twenty seventh day now of the month of January. And what's going on today is not a good day for holidays, those goofy holidays. There there was one holiday though, that caught my attention today on this Saturday.
It is Thomas Crapper Day. Danny, that's a that's a wonderful story. I love the word crap and we can thank Thomas Crapper for the word crap. What if the guy that invented the modern toilet, well, I guess he wasn't. He actually wasn't the guy that invented the toilet. He perfected it. He didn't invent it, but he perfected it. But he's the guy we know as the guy from the toilet.
He finished off the dodoo pie.
He flushed it down, is what he did. Yeah, this is the the death anniversary of this guy who was a plumber in England and a businessman, Thomas Crapper, who was not the guy that invented the toilet. Misconception that is common. That's the Mandela effect that people believe. If everyone believes that you invented something, you invented it. But he promoted it, he fixed it up and all that.
And the original flush toilet it was okay, but Crapper added he added a little more razmatazz to the toilet and he saved water by adding in that ballcock.
Danny, you know, I'm not sure you can say that due to FCC regulations.
On podcast They don't give a crap about podcasts. See craps, I said crap, Thomas Crapper, And anyways, design saved a bunch of water and all that, and uh, it is a day to celebrate Thomas crapper and the wonderful Crapper day and that is this is wonderful, his name becoming synonymous with shit, which is just just wonderful, just great.
And his device. I mean, he's been dead for a long time, but that's still that's still the go to toilet, although they have they've added to that with the spray spray, the sprit sprits toilet. You know where they get the water the duvet. Is that what they call it? I think that's what they do. Is that what they call it? Yeah?
Yeah, those things are scary.
Eh. My wife added him, and I gotta tell you, once you cross over to the dark side, Danny, once you cross over the rubicon to the water and the toilet, it's the way to go because you save money on the toilet paper. You don't use much toilet paper. It's much. I think it's much more hygienic. But if you had told me fifteen years ago or ten years ago that I would be at the age i'm at now using that, I would say no way. But here we are. So this our Saturday podcast, I'm want to begin with a
store worry of supersonic fast pain. Now, as you know, Danny and you listening tho that hanging out here doing the radio show, and get the TV show, which is gonna be aired again today all over the place. Check your local cable listings distributed by NBC Benny Versus The Penny, Benny Versus the Penny. I'd love for you to check that out. That would be really cool. So nonetheless, Danny, one of the things I've been doing a lot of, and it's just kind of my Michigas, is fasting, not
eating for a day and then eating. And lately I've tried to extend things out a little bit. We're getting close to the end of Benny Versus the Penny. We had one more episode, but I know that I don't look great on TV. I realized that, and I'm so paranoid. I was like, Okay, how can I help myself out? So I'm like, if I don't eat before the show for like a day, I'm in good shape. And then
lately I've been extending it out even further. And this week, this past week here, I took things to the next level. Had a seventy four hour fast.
I thought you're going to say you laid in a tanning bed.
That's Tom Looney. Actually, yeah, if you have not seen Benny Versus the Penny this weekend, let me know in the comments section on the pod on the review when you give us the five stars, let us know. Let me know what you think of Looney and what he wore on television this weekend. It's quite quite the look. Quite the look there, and I think what he wore is either from nineteen ninety one or nineteen eighty nine, but I'm not sure you'd have to be the judge
of that. I know it's not from any time past the year two thousand. So get to the point. So I'm doing this this whole fast michig gos right, I got this thing going on. So I go. I fast for seventy four day and I from my eat on Monday afternoon and then I don't eat Tuesday, I don't eat Wednesday, and I don't eat until late in the day on Thursday because we tape the TV show on Thursday. So I wait till after that. I usually take a nap, a couple hour nap, and then I'll eat. So fine, whatever,
it's my thing. It's not your thing, it's my thing, Okay, So I know when I fast for more than a couple of days that my body when I eat, it reacts where you end up having some issues because you lose certain fluids right away because your body's used to not all of a sudden not having food. Then it gets food. And I don't know the science behind it. You might know the science, maybe you're you listening know
more about that than me. And I don't know exactly the inner workings, but all I know, and I think it's a combination with not having a gallbladder. I think that's part of the issue. I don't know. This happens to people that fast normally who have their gall bladder, but I don't have mine. Mine got chopped out of me several years back, so I don't have it. So this when I start eating, it kind of goes through
me anyway, not to get to gravic. But I know exactly, So I know, Danny that I've got about an hour. I've got about an hour, and then after that things are gonna go bad. I'm gonna have to run to the crapper. I don't have to run to the crapper with Thomas Crapper, So I know that. But then the other thing that happens once I do that, Once I go to the bathroom real quick yet, but usually within an hour, sometimes thirty minutes, usually within an hour, about
an hour, I go take care of business. And we all do every day. We're supposed to do it every day. So then the next thing that happens is I start getting cramps, like muscle cramps and my legs sometimes my arms are using my legs because of the fluids that I've lost and all that, and it's it's like really bad, like it's really I mean, it's really nasty. And this week, because I did a little extra, I went seventy four hours and then ate a decent sized meal. It it
became became a problem. So I'm kind of squirming. I'm getting ready for the overnight show on Thursday night, and this starts hitting me muscle cramps, and I'm like, oh crap, you know, I said his name again and I'm all all messed up, and so I text the wife. I'm like, hey, can you get me one of that? We got these packets. I don't know if you know what I think I've talked about these things on the show. Maybe not, but they're a hydration packets. Have you seen these things they
have my Costco in different stores. Yeah, those before, yeah, yeah, yeah exactly. So it's like it's like drinking one of them is like drinking eight cups of water.
They taste kind of nasty though, Yeah.
They got a weird taste. There's different flavors. You can buy a big bag at Costco. That's what we got our bag at Costco. So fine, I've got these things. So you need to consume a lot of water very quickly to get your body kind of back regulated to stop the muscle cramps. So I had pro I'd been proactive because I know how this works. I've been doing
this a while. I think I'm over three consecutive years of fasting now, not this long yusually, but it's over a thousand a thousand something days, which I think is three years anyway, whatever, So I preemptively took one of these hydration packets, thinking that once I had to go take care of business and i'd lose all these fluid, I wouldn't have cramps. Well, I had cramps, and I text the wife. I was like, Hey, can you bring me one of these hydration things? I'm kind of in
bad shape. The studio and she wasn't home, she was out running some errands. I had to sit there, Danny. I couldn't I couldn't even stand up. The muscle pain with my legs was that bad. And I just had to take it, you know, I just had to take the agony, the supersonic fast pain. Just had to deal deal with it. And it was, oh my god, it was very agonizing. And then eventually it kind of it slowed down, and then I went and got one of the hydration packets, and after that it wasn't too bad.
But it was you know, it was it Arkansas basketball back in the day, in the nineties they had the was it forty minutes of whatever? Remember they had the thing forty minutes a hell or whatever. This is about like ten minutes of agony, a pure, pure agony.
Does it kind of feel like the leg cramp in the middle of the night because you stretch your leg too hard.
Have you ever had that where it balls up?
No?
I don't know if I've had exactly that.
Okay, man, that's excruciating pain.
Yeah, it's pretty bad. This was This was one of the worst ones I've had so but it's a good thing because I'll eat I eat good this weekend. I ate pretty well yesterday, and I'll have some good meals today, and then once Monday comes around, I'll stop eating again.
So now did you scream? For ten minutes there was a murder happening.
I was like, I was thinking this might be the way I die. It's just going to keep going up my body. I'm like, this is the worst thing in the world. I mean, oh so bad and oh my god, but I live to do another podcast. So actually two podcasts is our second one since that, since that happened. What about your world day? What is what is wild and.
Wacky in our exciting lives of broadcasting?
Ben?
The big happening for me this past week was that the water bottle shipment arrived. Yay. Now, I know everybody thinks that this is probably because of the pink Stanley cup craze. How people were beating each other up inside Target to get one of these stupid Stanley cups.
Fans lining up at Target stores before sunrise just to snag one.
Yeah, there've been people stealing them and yeah.
Yeah yeah.
And our daughter out of nowhere, she asked her mom, She's like, can you buy me one of those pink Stanley's. My wife told her, I'll buy you a Flanneley. You ain't getting us Stanley. She's like, what's a Flanley and she said, a fake Stanley. That's what you're going to get. And it's funny because all of us, you know, old enough to remember Stanley. We think of our parents or our grandparents with those old coffee canisters.
Yeah, yeah, for sure, you know. And isn't there a Stanley? What am I thinking of? Like not construction, but like, yeah, something I remember seeing like the Stanley tape measures and things like that.
Yeah, yeah, that's that's what we think of. We think of like construction.
Cry.
I think I'm like going to home depot or something and seeing that. Yeah, these are limited edition pink cops, right, that's why they're right.
Yeah, And you know, it's it's really popular to have your own big cup that you carry around and you fill it with ice and water. It also can keep
things hot for a long time. We had last year about August, I had to start thinking forward about the little promotions budget that we have in the daytime because we don't have guests, which I like our boss at the network said, you can either have your little budget for you know, famous people to come on your show and we pay them, or you can use that for your Nerve footballs.
And I said, boom, Nerve footballs all day.
Sure.
Once we got to about August, I was on my last big box of Nerve footballs for Covino and Rich, so I had to start thinking. I saw a spot our video producer sitting in the studio that day and he had a serious XM. Covino and Rich water bottle, and I thought to myself, I know what I'll do. Take that idea, slap Fox Sports Radio on it, and I'll get, you know, a shipment of these water bottles in Okay, before this whole Stanley craze. But you know,
we didn't have the budget until the new year. A couple days ago, I get an email from our office manager upstairs saying, you got a shipment of six boxes.
Once in the box, we were excited.
We rip open the first box and there's the brand new Swiggy is the brand stainless steel water bottles. They came out really nice, like a metallic blue color. Obviously, I wasn't able to order as many of these as I ordered footballs because they cost more to make. Yeah, then I made an error, and you know, I'm glad. It was kind of like a good error. But I thought, well, I should give everybody, and I have one for you. By the way, I thought I should give everybody on the staff.
One of these things.
Yeah, that's cool.
I start passing them out and I'm doing an inventory list to tape onto the box, and quickly been within a day, I've already passed out twenty five of these suckers. Because there's a lot of damn people working in our building.
Oh man, so you should work. If you work at night, there's no one there, so you don't have to worry about you got crickets.
In the daytime. I'm I'm you know.
I had to give them to the editors because they had seen me give it to the update anchor who saw me give it to the guy that does our production. His production assistant came in, so I had to give him one. And so by the time that first box was open, I emptied the first box and Covino and Rich were kind of looking at me because they saw me going back and forth to the box, and I was like, oh shit, I think I opened up a box of worms here.
Oh man, so you are these just for the people on the building. Are you going to give these the listeners.
The same way we did the Nerve footballs for our trivia on Mondays and Tuesdays. Okay, and also some podcast reviews here and there. Probably average give being one away per week to a listener.
Okay, well that'd be a great thing to get. It'd be pretty much, well you can actually use the damn thing.
Giving them out to the staff.
I got to finish that, and I was thinking, shit, this is almost gonna cut my inventory in half.
Wow. But yeah, but you're you're giving people that work that you're helping morale at Fox Sports Radio, Dame.
Everybody's reaction to this was so good that I thought, shit, I should have just saved these all the year and given them out as Christmas gifts.
It would have been better than the Christmas gift I got from the company. So that would have been been that I'm ripping anybody. I'm just I'm just saying, you know, it would have been better than nothing. You know, it would have been nice. Uh So, speaking of it, I saw that Target is firing their the people at work who've been Apparently they've these uh, these pink Stanley cups. Uh. These things are so popular that people have been people
that work at Target. When the shipman comes in, they they end up buying like all of them before they go on the shelves, and uh so.
That way they could sell them on the secondary market.
Yeah, everyone seems to be obsessed with this cup.
Yeah, they're a bunch of creeps.
It's tough, you know, but if you're working at Target, you're not making that much money. But you shouldn't be. You can't be doing that.
There probably needs to be a limit on how many each employee can can snag away from the public.
Yeah, you fired time out for the metaphor of the week.
Yes, the metaphor of the week.
Yes, the metaphor.
Man, you're going deep with this segment.
What the hell? Why not? So the metaphor of the week here is the Elephant in the Room. Now, I've changed this up over the years. I like to say kmodo Dragon in the Room, which is a spin off of the Elephant in the Room. And I was It's like, I was thinking about this the other day during the week, and I'm like, hey, you know, I use this a lot in monologues and just in my regular dialogue, my lexicon, I use that phrase a lot. And I'm I'm a fan of metaphors. I love metaphors. I think we all do.
That's how we communicate, right, It's a wonderful thing that we as human beings have come up with these metaphors. We say things that are completely opposite of what we mean, but we all understand what we're saying. So the origin story of the phrase elephant in the room goes back to the eighteen hundreds. It goes back to the early eighteen hundreds. It was a fable written by I even Preedloth I believe is how you say his name. It was called and it still is, the Inquisitive Man. Now.
The fable tells the story of a man who goes to a museum and he notices all sorts of tiny things, but he does not does not realize the elephant at the museum. And that phrase became a you know, a regular phrase in people's lexicons over years and different contexts and whatnot. It was first recorded use, the first recorded use of it in the kind of the modern way. It was in the New York Times many many years back, and it said financing schools have become a problem about
equal to having an elephant in the living room. It's so big you just can't ignore it. And the phrase went into general use much earlier than that New York Times story. There was a story in a publication in Britain from nineteen fifteen, but it was out there in the eighteen early eighteen hundreds, and it's been mimicked in all kinds of different cultures and languages. They have a version of the elephant in the room, So I thought that was that was interesting. It started with a fable
from Ivan kreedlof Krylov in eighteen fourteen. I don't think he'll get upset with me, Eddie. I call you Eddie. Danny. Oh my god, there's a Freudian sliff. I don't think he'll get upset with me, Danny. How about shut up if if I mispronounced the guy's name, because why not?
It's yeah, you didn't call him by the wrong first name, and he's dead anyway. So I don't think I like that metaphor because kind of like our breaking news sounder at the network, whenever a conversation starts with Okay, let's address the elephant in the room. Gets everybody's attention because something good is coming after that.
Yeah, saran, And sometimes it's not good though you say elephant. Usually you start out with a I like to compliment sandwich. Right, Well, let's get together. You guys are doing really good. By the way. Your ratings suck, but I think, yeah, you were in a nice shirt today. You know, it's like that kind of me.
But anyway, let's let's address the elephant in the room. Yes, we're changing format.
You're all fired, but no, you're not all fired.
Wink wink.
Yes, at least we don't work in the newspaper business. I'll tell you that. Danny, my god, I got friends that work in that world that is that is not good. That is not good. Pop goes the culture is good. So that means our buddy, oh hi oh ow Ohio Wow John John Pop, thank you, Ohio. A little pop culture mixed that in to the the fun. Pop goes the culture. There's a new video that has made the rounds on the interweb that claims that it has ninety
two percent accuracy. It shows what the world looks like through various animal eyes have you seen this. It's it's bouncing around here. Maybe, I don't know. You think this is legit? How do they know? They claim they know, but how you don't know unless you're a dog or a cow what they see.
Yeah, this is kind of like have you ever seen where they show supposedly what it looks like when a newborn is looking at people.
Yes, yes, that kind of foggy kind of that can be.
Yeah, like it's not clear yet and it's all the colors aren't there and all of that. But I want to know how they got to that conclusion.
Yeah, I agree, I don't. You don't know. You have no idea to me. It's like bull junk is what it is? What it's being a bull junk. I thought this was satire when I saw it, I thought, well, this can't be when you get animal Thunderdome going. Is that happening? By the way, this year animal Thunderdome is that.
It is going to happen by January twenty twenty five.
I'm sure, I'm sure, yes, yes, absolutely so. This is from a professor of philosophy at Rowan University in New Jersey who has written a paper claiming that animals should be allowed to vote.
Yeah.
Yeah, the philosophy professor, he outlined his idea for a voting system for animals and he he says, don't use the word pet. Say animal rights. This guy who's an animal rights active says, do not use the word pet. So it's these people are How do these people live amongst us? Danny? Seriously, how do they live amongst us? I'd love to know, Like, how many how many psychedelic drugs is one have to do to get to the point where I think a dog should be able to vote?
Last week I bought a dog and I needed an emotion.
Seriously, here's one that would have problems getting up to go vote. They couldn't get to the poles right now, Ben, did you see what's going on with the gators in North Carolina?
No, what's going on with them?
So there's been photos and videos shared in North Carolina. Alligators are frozen because temperatures dip just enough for the surface to freeze. Alligators are seen there with just the tips of their noses sticking up through the water while the rest of their bodies are frozen underneath. They're dead, They're alive. That's why their nose is sticking up to give them air. So what happens is they literally fall out.
Really so they're like bears, hype bears going down but they're wow.
Yeah.
Instead of hibernation, it's called brumation. It's it's like hibernation, but alligators enter into this frozen state when the water freezes, their metabolic rate slows down and they become lethard. According to the South Carolina Aquarium, Once they enter that period, they don't eat, but they continue to drink to avoid dehydration. It lasts for about four to five months, depending on how long the water temperature remains cold.
That's wild. I didn't know anything about that. Now.
My question is, does any dope go up and start punching their nose?
What would happen if you did? Yeah, because there's oh man, that's pretty wild. Not I have not seen that. I know it does get cold and part of South Carolina. I've seen videos of golf courses with giant gators walking around golf courses in South South Carolina. Where do the gators stop? Is it South Carolina? Is that the end of it? In North Carolina? Where's the point and why do they not go any further is it because of the weather. I don't know.
I will have to look that up.
See that's a question Clay would have asked me if I read this on the animal Thunderdome, which is why? And I know he throws a lot of curveballs. Ben So normally, when I have a story like this, I have to do my due diligence ahead of time, and like I get the most commonly asked questions about that story written on a sheet of paper.
That way, I can sound like somewhat of a brainiac.
Oh, the smartest gather the room, the smartest.
Well, I don't got to worry about that till January of twenty five, though, I think twenty twenty six would be a good year for that.
You want to take a guess how many robo calls are made in America each year? Scammers? Take a guess.
Oh, man, it's got to be something like ten million.
Much much more than that. Now, the US population in twenty twenty three, the US population here our twenty twenty four. Now we're in the new year. The population in the United States is what are we looking at? Three hundred and thirty something million. I think I'm right on that, right around. We'll give or take maybe closer to three hundred and forty mine now because people having babies again, so whatever, it's three hundred and thirty three hundred and
forty million people. The claim is that Americans have received seventy eight billion what robo calls in the last you know, each year they get seventy eight million billion on average, according to a newport And it's funny how this works. Like the politicians have done a few things to try to stop robo calls, but not much. It's like token gestures. But now they're starting to pay attention. Now why are they starting to pay attention? Because there was a story
that's been going on. This is an election year here in the US, and an AI clone voice of President Biden was used on robo calls urging New Hampshire Democrats not to vote in the primary. And so now all of a sudden, they're like, wait a minute, this could affect the election. So does anyone get a robo call and say, Okay, I better not vote because I got a robot call? Who does that? Are there people that stupid?
I guess the answer is yes. But Americans lose sixty five billion every year from phone scammers.
That is nuts damn So.
Seventy eight billion robo calls leads to sixty five billion in lost money by Americans. That means the scam that's got to be one of the easiest hustles to get right. Because there was a documentary and I forget the name of it. I don't know what we talked about it on the podcast or not. It was an HBO documentary. I believe it was HBO about the police associations that were bogus that would call people up for donations, and it was kind of that thing. It was like the
same although they were actually people. They had call centers, but it was scamming people out of money on the phone. And I think that stuff became automated. But that is that is a bananas star almost as bananas as that AI Taylor Swift porn.
Danny, which is yeah, I know, I have seen those photos.
They say that the on X over twenty two million views of Taylor Swift made up different clips and whatnot on on social and they were asking the question, will anyone actually be prosecuted, like what would the crime be? Like what would you get in trouble for? It's AI. It's not real, it's AI. And if you went to court, what would the defense be, it's art or something like that, or how would you I don't know how that would work.
I'm sure there's a defense you'd come up with that might get you out of that, but who who knows? And we have a follow up to the George Carlin story. We talked about this AI generated comedy special.
Oh, that's right. His daughter was in the news about that.
Well, there has the George Carlin estate has sued the creators of the AI generated Comedy Special. How long does that a state? Thing? Last Carlin died a number of years ago. Is there in a state of babe ruth? That probably is?
I would guess as long as they have living relatives.
Okay, they've sued the creators of the AI generated Comedy Special and this is a supposedly one of those turning point lawsuits, his key lawsuit over AI and celebrities. And the daughter Kelly Carlin said, we have to draw a line in the same and she said, George Carlin, the special title George Carlin, I'm glad I'm dead was the thing I didn't know and I saw I heard a little clip, but I didn't see the thing.
So did Carlin make a shit a ton of money?
Ben?
I would think that he was really at his peak when well, I guess he was one of the heavyweights. But I'm interested to know what his net worth was when he passed.
Yeah, I don't know the answer. He did do very well as he got older. His career kind of flamed out for a while and then came back as he got older, and he had a bunch of HBO comedy specialisies I'm sure pay a lot of money.
It says he was worth ten million at the time of his death, all right, So.
I think what we're going to do here? And when did he die? It was a long time, alright, ten years.
Yeah, let's see when did he die? Two thousand and eight?
I spen that long, yeah, it says, though not as high as some other famous comedians, his wealth was a testament to his enduring popularity and success in the industry.
All right, so two thousand and eight, Right, you said that ten million. I'm turning to our trusty friend, Danny the inflation calculator. Oh, I love this thing, and we'll go sit the year to twenty twenty four we'll go back sixteen years. Okay, so that ten million, if he was worth ten million when he died, that's worth fourteen fourteen million dollars in today's month. So it's not I guess millionaire. But yeah, you're doing pretty well, doing pretty well.
How about that? Just in sixteen years, it's gone up forty one percent.
I'm sure family has spent some of that money in those years.
You think by Nick Nacks.
A couple of trips to Hawaii probably.
I give or take. Yeah, all right, we'll get out anything that going on today. It's Saturday. There any no NFL games today because that's tomorrow with the championship games and all that. So anything going on with you.
Yeah, it's a day of rest and probably get my butt into the garage and see if I can continue to organize. Man, you think I've been waiting a long time for the Animal Thunderdome, I've been waiting even longer to have an organized garage.
Yeah, and it'll get organized. If it's like it's like the Malor Mansion, our garage, we'll organize it and then six months later we'll have to organize it again because it's a freaking, freaking nightmare. It's a disaster. How's little g doing? By the way, haven't gotten a little g update on how you kids.
CoA is doing good today, But a couple of days ago that was not the case. Ben he had his very first allergic reaction to something.
Oh what is he allergic to? I want to know.
He's allergic to some lavender softener that my wife he was using on our laundry.
Oh okay, yeah, because.
She was holding him up against her sweater which was washed in this new softener, and half his face swelled up and broke out.
They're the vice. Poor guy.
He got almost what looked like an eye infection, so we had to rush down and get some baby benadrill. A couple hours later, the swelling went down, and finally a day later, all the redness went away. Man, all right, Yeah, it's scary because you know, we had a backtrack like what did we feed him?
What did he eat?
Because he's been trying out new food. My wife gave him some mashed up sweet potatoes that they sell for babies, and he spit it out. He spit it on her solid I'm not a fan of this vibe.
Like you suck as parents you suck.
Just the most generic laundry detertion you can possibly use, I guess.
Yeah, yeah, we're gonna have to get that kind that has no scent, no crap in it.
The natural stuff.
Yeah, that's that's what we actually use because my wife's pretty not a baby, but pretty sensitive to that. All Right, we'll get out, have a wonderful rest of your day to day. Thank you of the mail Bag podcast on Championship Sunday in the NFL. You kidding me tomorrow, We'll talk to you then later skater my flation