The Fifth Hour: "School Lunches" Mail Bag

everywhere louviating every single eight days a week. This is I think the eighth thing we I don't know, I have no idea, but it is the Fifth Hour with Ben Maller and not Danny G Radio. As Danny G is away, we roll up our sleeves. We knuckled down with the Great Alexander, Alexander the Great, well actually Alex Alex Tiger, Alex the Vegan as he has known. Back again.

He was the Penny on Friday, he gave us stories of the anime world and the gym on Saturday, and now he is back to help us answer listener mail on this podcast. Very exciting here and listen, Alex. I hope you're prepared for this. You never know what you're gonna get in the mail bag. You have no idea what you're gonna get. It's a pot pourri of questions. We're about to raise the curtain and embark on a

mission that will go through the cosmos. And before we get that going, here, we've got to say hello, Ohio. Al's got this little ditty. That's how we start the mail bag. Here we go, all right, very good, thank you, Ohio Al. So first up here, Kevin in Kansas. I don't have my usual male sound effects here because I'm we're doing this on a different setup. So just imagine male blank blanks. All right, Kevin in Kansas writes, Since says, dear Benn and friend, it's it's a Thursday, and I'm

eating a turkey meal at school. Kevin is a teacher, by the way, in Kansas. He says, it's pretty good. I was wondering what you liked or looked forward to for school lunches back in your heyday. Alright, So Kevin, I'll go first here, and then Alice you can chimm it. So I my mom made most of my lunches. It was normally a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or tuna

fish sandwich. She alternated and a bag of chips. And I did not like the tuna fish sandwich because often by the time lunch came around, it was a warm tuna fish sandwich. And there's nothing worse than a warm tuna fish sandwich. And uh and my mom would slob it with mayonnaise and all that, and she loved it and she was an easy meal and all that, but I I did not. So that's what I don't like. But every once in a while to be able to eat the cafeteria. And this one's gonna be surprising, but

I love the big corn dog. The big corn dog that I was like a special treat. And it wasn't particularly good, as I remember, but for some reason I loved the corn dog when they had that on the menu when I was was a kid. What about you, Alex, any of any fun memories of school lunches man back in your day, which wasn't that long ago, But no, it was. Actually you know what's funny, Ben, is that I still remember. So at the school I went to, we had this little hole in the wall Mexican spot

called Meet Guel's Junior. Have you ever tried Met Guels Junior? Ben? So this is like, uh, when you're in high school and this was This was in junior high and high school where I went to school. They were right next to each other the schools. Have you ever tried the spot? I know their local here and Cow. I do not believe I've seen it, but I have not eating it. Okay, tell me the next time you're in studio, I will bring you one of their famous bean rice and cheese burritos.

So I, oh gosh, it's amazing. It's like a home style grandma cooking burritos. And I remember it was the longest line in history of school. You would literally try to get out early and ask your teacher at the class from out early so you could get your food first, so you weren't waiting fifteen minutes of your thirty minute lunch to get the food. Forever and always, I'll remember those burritos and getting a bag of hot cheetos and

putting them inside of the burrito. Oh my gosh, Ben, that was it, man, that's it, Mber we talked about with the happy previous episode right or by the way, is there anything like when you're in elementary school? I remember the corn dog when I was like like maybe maybe it was junior high, but I remember I wasn't. I don't think it was high school. It was high

school younger than that. In elementary I remember we had a taco Tuesday and it would be like a taco bar, and the best part about it was the tacos were so messy. You would have a taco salad after so I would always get those as a kid in elementary school. So you're from a different generation. I think by the time you got to school, they probably had healthier items. Like when I was a kid, they did. They didn't give a ship like whatever, and it was feeding what

they want. Shut the kids, Hey, what do we have in the freezer on some old hot dogs? Give it to the kids. They'll be kids like that thought. Whatever. As long as we don't see floaters in the toilet, that's for another time. Yeah, exactly, all right. Next up Pierre from the recliner, waiting to see Josh Allen dig his way out of up the four feet of snow. Well not anymore, Pierre. They moved that game out of an abundance of caution to Detroit. But Pierre, yeah, that

that that abundance of caution thing. I know Pierre didn't ask about this from Springfield, mass But that is the excuse he can use about anything. You know, I didn't finish that assignment out of work, out of an abundance of caution. I was a little onto the weather, and I just want to you know, you can literally say that about anything, the greatest get out of whatever you're gonna do situation. And I said this on the radio show the other day. But my theory is why the

NFL moved the game out of bubble. They've played games in blizzards when I was a kid that used to play no matter what. But I'm blaming lawyers, Alex really, yes, because of liability. They don't want someone to get hurt traveling tour from the game in the snow. And because that's that's a lawsuit. If somebody were to die and their family were to sue the NFL and say, well, you know it's unsafe. You were asking people to come

to the game. I know they didn't have to come to the game, but you asked them to come to the game. You know, so and so was a big fan of the Bills, went to the game driving on the road. The snow would not have been driving Admint for the game. Guy, don't accident. They died, and so now you gotta pay us a bunch of them. That makes sense. Yeah, I agree, they didn't do that back

in the day anyway. Pierre Pierce's is there any truth to the rumor, uh that you and Danny and the elitist will be subpoenaed as defendants in the ft X lawsuit along with the likes of Tom Brady, Gelle, Steph Curry, David Ortiz, and Larry David used this alex Is ft X lawsuit was just going around about it. What happened? Yeah, So this big company f t X crypto currency outfit. They they had like thirty two billion in venture capital.

They were, yeah, like insane amounts of money. They had Super Bowl commercials, they were mainstream, and they signed deals with Tom Brady, Steph courage Azel, they had your kidding. Yeah, they went bankrupt this week. Yeah. Yeah, the leven uh US investors lost eleven billion dollars and now all these famous people are being sued because they endorsed it and they made it seem like it was no easy, no brainer and all that stuff. Legit thing. Yeah, Larry David's commercial.

I don't know. If you saw that, you might want to look that up on YouTube. It is the funniest commercial I've seen, and it's even funnier now because the entire thing, like Larry is like, uh, you know, who's gonna buy coffee? Who's gonna want that man on the moon? No, they're not going to the moon. You know. He said no to all these great inventions like in human history. And then at the end of the commercial there was like, you know, they asked him about this this ft X things.

Oh no, that's not gonna work, and I'm never wrong about this, and of course he was right. It didn't. Wow. Really it was a good commercial. That's hysterical. But I'm happy to report I have not invested in ft I'm not no, I don't care. I'm low on the investment side for you without let anime money. Now you know. Then you know I will neither confirm or deny. I'm just to fill in here. I'll keep the eyesight on Danny g and yourself. But Crypto. I might have some

interest in Crypto. I'll just say that, Oh yeah, be careful, man, that's the wild West, the wild wild West. And I'll tell you this. If Tom Brady and Giselle invested in it, I'm going the other way. So that's a safe bet for me. So I'm good on that. Yeah, there was an interesting conspiracy theory that somebody came up with actually on TikTok that Brady when he went to the Bahamas and Giselle when she went to Costa Rica was tied

into that story. The conspiracy is Brady went there and I think it was August because he was tipped off that this might be happening, that trouble with the Feds, and so he was like, wait a minute. You know, I've got a lot of money invested here, and I've got you know, my name and all my brand, and so he went down there to try to figure out what's going on. And then the theorious Giselle went to Costa Rica because they have a lot of offshore banking

options where you can hide your money. Yes, so though it's a good conspiracy. And then they get a divorce to cover their trail. Yeah. Well, by the way, Ben to this whole divorcing, if Gizelle for Tom Brady, for example, a seven times super Bowl winner, most money in the world, a playboy guy. All this stuff can't keep Jaiselle. None of us are safe? Are you kidding me? But she might be a pain in the end. She looks like she'd be doing those rituals for his games and stuff.

Get out of here with that? What is that? To be fair to women? I think Brady is probably a pain in the ask too. You know, he does look like a pain? Does they both look like contaminated with whatever that is? Anyway? All right? Moving on Mike from Fullerton Rights and and so, Callie says, how big a

fan of car chases are you? Also? Do you like the current You like the current way they're handled in California where they can last until the suspect runs out of gas, or would you rather bring demolition derby cops? Back from Mike, Yeah, I'm a huge fan of the car chase. It's it's great. And I have friends that local that work in local television, and sometimes they get upset because if you do the sports and there's a car chase at eleven o'clock, they just go to the

car chase because it's a ratings winner. People, It's it's the greatest drama that you have. You have good guys, bad guys like the good guys, the cops chasing the bad guys. You don't know what's gonna happen. Someone could die, right, there's always the surprise plot twist where they throw stuff out of the cars and they stop the car they run somewhere. Uh, it's it's great. I had an idea.

I told Eddie on the Overnight Show the other day, Alex, I said, we should start a internet channel or like a real TV channel, like on you know, traditional TV, where all we do is show car chase. Really yeah, it would only air for a few hours a day because most of these car chases happen daytime or early evening. They get on television, and we'd go east coast, west coast, Like there are car chase. People think it's only a

California thing. It's not. There are police chases everywhere. It gets a lot of attention in California because they have so many news copters up in l A, more so than most cities, so it gets a lot of coverage. But I've yet to meet anyone that doesn't enjoy a good car chase on TV. Are you that guy, Alex, Are you the guy that does not enjoy watching a car chase, Ben, I am not that guy. You've gotten

the infection. Also, dude, n I'm telling you. We're in the studios and we have multiple TVs on multiple different stations. I've never had anything in my life in these studios. Stop everybody and they go, there's a chase on eight and we put it on every single TV. It's insane. And a few times, Alex, we've had police chases go right by our studios. Awesome, it's there's something really cool. And we have these showcase studios while that we're moving to a new studio. We can't get that right now.

But we're moving to a new studio. We won't to have we won't have this view anymore. But right now we have a view out to it's right near the corner of Ventura and Supulvito Boulevard. We have a view of Subulvito Boulevard and you'll be watching It's it's really one of those surreal things, like when you're watching the car chase and then you look out the window and it goes by, Yes, it goes by where you're working. It's it's pretty well. I still remember Jason Smith was

in studio. He ran outside, waving at the car it was driving with all the cops, and he comes back in like a kid who just got ice cream from a truck. Like it was amazing to me. That's funny. It was like the the o J Chase then before your time. Then the famous o JA people were out running out on the freew their hundreds of people. Can't nuts saw, you know, I saw this is I was in college at the time. I saw. I was going

to my college radio station at Saddleback. The o J Chase actually started in South Orange County in I think it was Laguna Hills Lake Forest. That's where Nicole Brown Simpson was buried. Yes, and o J, if I remember correctly, you know who knows as I understand it as I remember it, o J went to for some reason, he went to the cemetery and the cops got word on it, and that started the chase. And it started all the way there, and obviously it went up. It picked up

a lot of cops and TV and all that. When it first started, there was not that, but I I was actually going southbound on I five. O J was going northbound. I didn't realize at the time what I was witnessing, But it wasn't. It wasn't until I got to the radio station in the college station, and then I turned on we had the TV going, and it was like, wait, I think I saw all the beginning

of that. I was like wow, but I did. At the time, it didn't mean much to me because I was like, I remember there was the Knicks were playing the Rockets in the NBA Finals and they actually NBC split the screen on the finals to show the o j CS. Was that big a deal? It's crazy? All right? Nick in Wisconsin rights and he's next on the mail bag.

He says, Ben and guest, Well, how about that? Actually calls you guests, anticipating that there would be so many, I didn't name you because I wanted to have the surprise. I love it. But you'll be on next week too, right, So next week people can send questions, all right, So if you want to ask Alex a question about anime or the vegan lifestyle or anything anything at all, he's a bachelor life. Since Danny g no longer can do that,

I got you. You've got bohemian tendencies, right, I mean, we're all about that action bas absolutely, I'm all about that actual all right, Nick says Bett and guessed when you were younger and you did something wrong or got in trouble, who were you most afraid of? Your mom or your dad? All right? So for me, it's my my my dad. My mom would always put the fear of God in me when your dad gets home from work. And I did get the belt one time, really, I did get the belt. Yeah, because I'm of the age

you got the belt. And that's all it took was one time. Because the rest of my life, any time I fucked up, my mom would say, your father's gonna get home and he's got the belt, you know, And

I'd be like, okay, I'll correct my behavior. Right. So my dad was pretty you know, mellow as it turned out, and he didn't like doing that stuff either, but does right, Yeah, you know, they that's how they grew up, and so they did it, but it was unnatural for them and they didn't want to be part of What about you, Alex, When you were a little kid growing up there who who laid you to a ways? Who devastated you among

the ther your folks. The wooden spoon was the biggest fear of my life growing up, Ben, And my mom is from Macedonia, so she is from She is from the other side of our globe here, Ben. She is from the old Republic of Yugoslavia, and she grew up very old school, Third World country style, and so for her in her household, she was a very strong woman.

Where if I messed up, if I slipped, if I even thought about talking back to my mom, because I'm sure you've seen those clips where they showed kids and they're all like, screw you, mom, you dumb horror, and then their friends are sitting there like what the hell is this kid doing? And then that kid goes on and does the same thing. Shut up, Jay, you know, Like, so my mom made it known real quick. If you ever think about lipping off in this house, you're going

to be tasting a wood spoon. And thankfully, Ben, the fear of God, as you said, kept me away. I never got hit. There was threats, but I never got hit. My dad was so mellow, so Chilly'd come home and just be like, hey, man, just listen to your mom. I know, thanks Dad. Your mom was She was the gosh dude. She ran a strict household, and Ben, that

is why to this day. She has been running her own daycare for twenty two years out of her house and has up to twelve to fourteen kids, raging from under one to six years old, and she runs it flawlessly, unbelievable. Man by herself or if you have people twelve kids, you got to have people insane? No, all by herself. Really, she is a super She's a superwoman, Ben, She is

a super Her gift is that it's insane. Well, I told the story on the set of a podcast by my niece and nephew over we had three people for two kids. Can you imagine like we could have used four people? That's what she just She has the gift. Ben, it's crazy. Literally, people come over, it's naptime, everybody's asleep. How do you get all the kids to sleep at the same time. You should do a podcast with your mom and she can tell her secrets about how I

would actually do that. I'm gonna do that. Should you should? I would like to, I would listen to that. I will. I will do a podcast. Kids weren't wild. Man, I'm as SOFTI though, I admit it. Almost Yeah, I'm I'm like God, Yeah, I feel bad for you do whatever you want your kids, right, yeah, alright. Jeff in Chicago rights and he says, been a friend. Uh, I called you a friend. I'm a friend. I love friends. Do you guys believe that compliments are really genuine? Oh no,

Uh well, I'll answer it this way, Tisher. I think if somebody compliments everything, their phony facts. If if you sporadically compliment, I think it's more genuine. We all know people that just you know, they just they're they're sweet. Kiss oh yeah, brown on their nose, right yeah, brown noses, and and those people are just totally totally funny. The other people, and I don't want to name names here,

put the thing that I don't like. And I've been a lot of meetings over the years of different places I worked. The compliments sandwich. Oh that's so annoying. Oh I hate that. Oh gosh, everybody's doing great. The numbers are down, but we're doing great. Yes, everybody. No. When they start out with a compliment, they said, you know, you're doing really wonderful, we love you. But then they get to what they really want. You're a fucking disaster.

You don't know what the funk you're doing. And then they by the way, I really like what you're wearing today. That's so funny. It's like, no disrespect they say something totally disrespectful, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what's funny. I will say this. The reason why I said no is because I don't believe there's true, genuine compliments unless it is something that is heartfelt. So I think that

is something entirely different from a compliment. I truly believe when you give something like a little insight, and you give somebody like a little piece of something about you and you really like kind of almost like you let them in and express something deep, I think that's above a compliment because to me, compliments are so like ground level. It's like seeing a good looking girl, Oh, you're attractive. We know why you think she's attractive. You know, like

you're trying to get in her pants. We know. So I think it's the same thing though, ben like a compliment is so skin deep to really show somebody be like, hey man, I just want to let you know. If I never met you, I don't think I would be doing this well in my life. Like that's the stuff I enjoyed, that's real stuff. Yeah, I have read in

the past. Obviously married now, but I wish I had known this when I was single with it's more successful because every guy like just compliment with always, always, So it actually is more effective if you goof on them. Yep, if you rip sarcasm and trolling works who all the time? Who knew that that would be more of it? Was like, oh yeah, beautiful, I'm living proof, brand I'm living proof of it. Ben. It's crazy. It has worked all the time. It never fails. You want to throw them off. They're

used to everybody knocking over them. Be the different one. You gotta stand out from the cross tallest play of grass gets cut first, right, all right, madd In Dallas writes, and he says, can you remember the last time you laugh so hard you snorted? I don't know about snorting, but I've laughed up many times. We've had a lot of funny moments on the show where I've laughed his story. The one of the moments that just popped in my head now was when we had this caller Genie in Medford.

I love Genie, alright, yeah, rest in peace, Genie. And she she was on with Pete and Pittsburgh and Genie started acting like a gangster rapper from l A. It was a you know, this middle aged older woman from Oregon. It was. It was hilarious. I was like, I thought, I thought she had been possessed by a demon. It was. It was crazy. And then the other one, which is the funniest I've ever laughed in my life, is at a Dodger game. I was in the press box. It

was years ago. There was this broadcaster named Jerry Coleman who was a legend in San Diego, the Colonel, and he was calling a game for Network Radio with Gary Cohen, who's a famous Mets broadcaster. And it was way back, it was probably almost thirty years ago. The Dodgers had a picture named Hideo Nomo from Japan. It was very famous, and they had they were calling me him right in front of me. Usually they had their own booth, but they right in front of me. And it was in

between innings. It was like the sixth or seventh inning. And Jerry Coleman, this old guy, he'd played with the Yankees back in the glory days of the Yankees, and he was an older gentleman at this time, and he went back to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee, and Paul Bear this engineer, I think I believe his name was Paul Barry anyway, the engineer for the broadcast. As Jerry was walking back, he said, watch out, Jerry's

got the coffee. He's gonna spill it. And so but for some reason, Jerry had a stack of paper and he was balancing this cup of car feet on the stack of paper. And as he's walking back through the press box, he walks back down the steps and Gary Cohen's sitting there waiting for the game to pick up. They're playing the Montreal Expos, a team that doesn't even exist anyways, how long ago, and Jerry spills the blazing hot coffee all over the back of the the other

guy who's calling the game. He then reaches out and starts screaming he's burned all over his booke. So now it's like Keystone Cops episode. So Jerry's like feeling bad. So he then walks back to get some napkins to clean up the mess. Meanwhile, the game's coming back and the broadcast the show must go on. At show Business,

the show must go on. So the the Gary Cohen, the Mets broadcaster takes his shirt off, right, so he's sitting in the press box and it looked like the map of Africa on his back with all the different like red spots, and oh my god, it was. I laughed so hard, just the whole visual of watch out, Jerry's gonna spill the coffee and then write them back and then seeing a guy who play by play with his shirt off and seeing the back all it was. I guess you had to be there, but man, was

it funny? Man? What about you? Any any hilarious memories of laughing out loud that you laugh a lot? Gosh, Ben, I'm such a happy guy, like I always enjoy every moment. But snorting, I don't know if I've ever snorted Like that's a really tough laugh to get too, because I always laugh. I can just tell you, like there are a plethora of ones just from Rob Parker here in the studio. Just just Robb being robbed cracks me up every time. Ben, Like he God, he's a character, this

his mannerism. I've never wanted to impersonate somebody more in my life. Ben. That says something like I literally wake up in the morning like it's morning one I've never done in my life before. It cracks me up. There are some people that are very easy and fun doing. Personally, we have one of our bosses we like to have fun with. Yes, yes, he's got a very interesting cadence and all that, so we'd like to goof on him. So, uh,

I don't know. A snorting I don't know that that's tough because I think like that's a type of breathing style, Like you're a person who is inhaling as they're laughing, so that's why the snorting happens. I don't think I've ever breathed while laughing like that. I don't know. I might have, Yeah, I don't think I have. Next up, Jed who fled? Who? Maybe in jail? This was sent way before he had a date in court, facing a

lot of time. In The Pokey Pokey Pokey from the Redneck Riviera in Florida, he says, if you could shoot a liquid out of each one of your fingers, which five would you choose? He says, essentially, if you have an unlimited amount of any five liquids, which five would you pick? You want to go first on this one? Any liquids, that's what he says. Any liquids, okay, some

superhero stuff. Yeah, I guess the first finger would be my pointer finger, and I would do the actual uh five W twenty that I need for my car, so I drive so damn much I want to be I would love to fill up my oil tank easier. Uh. The second one would probably be if I could do this spring water, like if I could find actual a way to do spring water out of one of my fingers, say less, that's two right there. Uh? The fifth or the third one? Holy crap, this is where it gets

a little nicy. Okay, So I cook a lot, Ben, like I know you were saying more recently you found your niche for the griddle and everything as well, in which, by the way, Ben, I might have to break my coat and try your pastrami one of these days. Pretty good, Okay, I might have to. I say. My third one would be olive oil because I cook so much and there's so many times I'm missing oil. It would help, like it would be just astronomical. Okay, So that'd be three.

The fourth one, I'm a sucker for sauces, Ben, Like if you give me a good sauce on any thing. It always slaps, so this might be a little hot, taky saracha. I love saracha. Wow, you want to have sarach it anymore? I would love to just put it on eggs if I have some eggs, put it on like a sandwich on pizza on your ring finger. Yes, because think about that. That's a hot, you know, hot one. And then the last one, Ben, and this is a

big one too, because I drive so much. I would love to be able to pee for my pinky just so I don't have to. I can literally grab a water bottle, fill it up and keep driving. It would make road trips so dope. All right? So again, what was the you have the five there? What was the last one? The last one would be taking a pee, Ben, I would love to hear so I could just fill up a bot. I'm gonna The first one I would have is ghasoline. I didn't think of that. Yeah, yeah,

that's a liquid. Can I change? Yeah, well you can? Which one would you get a bit? All right? I'll stop to pee? Give me gas all right? Yeah? Yeah? Right yeah, because if you had gas at any moment, and that's huge right now? Right? Oh, I mean, you wouldn't have to worry about Yeah, that's money gas. I would go water too, and want to drink of water. Uh. I like a nice glass of lemonade. Leade. There. I thought you might be a wine guy, bend little. The

last two, the cooking oil is not bad. Makes it easy. I love to cook, Yeah, makes it easy. There. And then the fourth one, I'm trying to think you. It is a tough one. Like I don't really like melk liquid. Not a wine rinker. I don't really drink soda anymore. That's out, like man, because we drive a lot. I don't like this, the blood thing. No, I don't need that. I don't. I got I got four? How about extra gas? How about yes you can because the first tank runs out,

absolutely double it up? Alright? Time for you, maybe one or two more. Frank in Philly says, would you rather eat ice cream or popcorn? All day? Ben? I saw a documentary of how popcorn has really made I will never eat popcorn again? Really? Yeah? Why how is it that? I don't want to spoil it for you or anybody else. I will just say ice cream till I die, alright. And I used to be a huge popcorn guy. Just okay, Well you don't want to know how they make the

hot dogs or anything like that. Oh man, you never want to know how the hot dogs made. Oh you'd be a vegan? Yeah? No. From Austin as a Thanksgiving question, You're I don't know, that's kind of I mean, I love you know, I'm glad you're a fan, but your favorite at least favorite Thanksgiving this that's that applies to my my warning for holiday radio. Yes, yes, I don't know. We should we should do that. Anyway, we will get

out on that. Thanks to to everyone. Uh. Mike fred in Spring Texas also asked a question about the Hall of Fame whether Joe Jackson, Pete Roach should get in. I say, when you let the steroids in, steroid guys in, you should let them in. Hello, Joe Jackson did did take money from gamblers, and Pete obviously bet on baseball and all that. But let them all in, Ben Baseball is all in in bed with gambling now anyway, let them all in. Wine. It's like they should release the

people are in jail for weed now too. Yeah, what are we doing? Weed's mainstream? Now? Come on? People should not be in jail for weed related to come on pretty stupid On that note. Anything remote here, Alex, I know you've got places to go, things to do, people to see. Ben. It was an absolute pleasure to be here again. I cannot wait for next week. Ben out standing listen, you're the man again. Thank you for supporting

the podcast that you guys download it. I'll be back tonight on the terrestrial radio show eleven o'clock in the West, three a m. Or two am rather in the East, and we'll be here the majority of the week and we'll catch you next time.