Kabbooms.
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Wow.
The Clearinghouse of hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
In the air everywhere, And a happy Saturday to you. It is the fourteenth day of December, and you have snumbled onto the Fifth Hour with me, Ben Mahler and Danny g Radio and we have a home inger, a hum inger of a story for you. So, Danny, you're never supposed to know how they make the hot dogs, right they say that, don't. You're not supposed to know how they make the hot dogs. But on this day here we need to go behind the microphone. So both
of us are very busy. We have first world jobs, first world problems, right, dannyway, We're both very lucky we were able to survive and radio and broadcasting and stuff. So and this podcast is a labor of love, right, we do it get paid a lot of money for this. It's just, you know, we do it because we like it. It's fun and.
I'm actually on an internship pretty much.
And so so anyway, we do it for fun and we have a good time. And fortunately we built up a pretty good following and you guys have been great and you listen to the podcast every weekend while you, according to the feedback we get while you do your your honeydeist or you're just hanging out at the house whatever you might be doing. So great. So we recorded a very odd hour for us. And I've been doing
this podcast. Oh god, I don't even know, man, it's been like, how many years has this been with you?
I mean it's been three and a half with me and I did it.
With guess it's probably been almost six or seven years. I've been doing this Podcast's been a long time. Well, it's probably been six years. I think it was like, I think it's like three and three or something like that.
I'm not a numbers guy, but that doesn't seem to add up no matter.
So, for the first time in the history of the Fifth Hour podcast, we had done the podcast, as they say, the hay was in the barn. We had done the work and all that.
Yeah, we signed off. Thanks, we'll see it for the mail bag. Saturday was in the can as they say.
Later skater. And then I sent ua message with three letters in it.
Yeah, I thought you were a Mets fan. Suddenly it said OMG.
Because I went to save the file for the podcast, because we record the podcast, yes, and then you add bells and whistles to a Danny and magic touch on it put some extra secret sauce in there and all that. So so I went to save the file and there was no file to save. You got crickets. That is all we got files. I thought, well, I know I'm tired, but I'm we just did an entire episode of the podcast, like there must be a file, Like it's got to be a glitch. And so I said, uh, I said omg.
And then and then I sent you some other other messages like I I Yeah.
So we sat there and talked to each other for forty minutes.
Yeah, and it was a really good show.
Oh dude, memorable. I think it was probably in our top ten of all time.
Yeah, and we'll likely win as some kind of podcasting award. Will likely win as some kind of podcast.
I'm God because he's the only one who heard it.
Yes, yes, well, they do say that radio is a disposable form of entertainment, but podcasting is not supposed to be that, right because everything's recorded and saved and replayed and all that. Holy crap on a cracker. All right, Well, well, I guess we know what we're gonna be talking about today, Danny on this podcast.
Let me guess what the national day is.
You want to give it, you want to give it a shot, Danny, Yeah, Oh my goodness, holy crap.
Yeah.
And for anyone that doesn't think this is live on the day I release it to the masses, it is four am right now on this Saturday morning.
Yes, uh wait, what are we doing anyway on this podcast, Dady, We've got Dean Martin little clickbait. Back that bus up. See on this podcast, I'll say it properly, back back bass bus up? All right? This is shame. Yeah, And we'll have the frames all the week, but we begin with this. So last night, one of the reasons that I'm I'm still trying, Danny, my darnedest, to try to warm up, Try to warm up. I feel like I spent the night in Siberia last night. It was that day,
that day, different than all other days. It was a little Dean Martin action. Baby, it's cold outside. I was Santa Claus. I played Santa Claus last night and spent my time, my time once a year, four hours strapped to the back. I dressed up as Santa Claus, and I sat on the back of a fire truck and they drove me around and I waved at people back and forth, up and down the street, all kinds of streets, rich people, poor people, every kind of person. And it
was a lot of fun. But I left Nanny. I left as Santa Claus, and I came back as frosty as the snowman. I mean you talk about blue balls, My balls were ice. I mean it was man, was it? It was California cold. I love her balls. It was California cold. Now. I took all the appropriate steps, all the appropriate steps INNY. I had several layers of clothing on. I had some some hand warmer things I had. But the handwarmers keep the palm of your hand warm. They don't keep your fingers.
How were they in your butt? Crack?
Well?
That was my butt felt great, But no, no, I had. I had them strategically placed on my my shirt, so I had some. I guess those are body warmer as they call them. But I had my one of my back. The one on the back really worked well. One on the chest didn't work that well. And but I had these little Santa gloves, these white Santa gloves, and they didn't do any of the socks I wore, i'd wol socks. My brother who's lived in New York for years, he
said the most important thing was cool wol socks. He said, that's the forget everything else, wol socks. That's what you need to keep you warm.
Yeah.
I agree, because your feet really if your feet are cold, you can get sick pretty easily.
Yeah. So it was, uh, it was The wolf socks were good. The only thing that really froze was my fingers. That was really bad. Those who needs fingers My right hand was getting a workout. But it was. It was nice, it was fun, wonderful. We had we all had a good time. Well, I don't know if everyone had a good time. I had a good time seeing the kids smiling. I didn't even see that many kids smiling because full disclosure on the and I'm gonna send out some photos
later today. I think later today, who know, I don't even know. I remember.
If not, you're going to be asleep, let's be honest, sleeping most of the day.
But but I'll be sending out some photos at some point this weekend of the Santa experience. And I had I believe the term is stage lighting, where the light was on me. So I was sitting on the back of a fire truck waving at people, and I had four lights. I had two behind me, two in front of me.
Santa the cellout, suddenly you're on TikTok.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So uh so it was great for people who were taking photos of Santa. They had a nice clear shot. But Santa, you.
Sound like the Ricky Henderson of Santa's right now, by the way. I know, I know.
It's like being on stage in front of one hundred thousand people and you don't know they're out there because you can't see them because of the lighting. Whether there weren't one hundred thousand people, there were a few people. And I would like to point out I say this every year. The city I've been asked not to name the city that I do this in for reasons I
can't get into here. But the city that I do this in, there are some really really rich people that live in this city, like in the hills, and I end up waving at them driving up these one road winding roads around the mountaintops.
To go U.
Crenshaw to these mansions. Yeah, exactly. You know, it's comptent, and so making that trip up. And as you the further you get up, the more money the houses are, the fewer people that come out. Like in the city, people come out. A lot of people now will just open their front door and wave a lot of that because it's cold and they don't want to go outside. And then the further we get up, the more the property values, the fewer the amount of people that come out.
Why is that they think they're too good for you?
I tend to think there's a causation correlation situation. I don't know. I mean, maybe not, but either way, there were I.
Don't need juice in. I bought all my own gifts through my accountant.
Yeah, I'm my own Santa Man exactly. I don't. I don't need you and your little sant outfit.
I'm a self made Santa.
So onlike years past, I did not see as many people there were. I'm told there were many people. I'd kind of blocked my I use my hand to block the light so I could see the people. Had to use my hand to block the light to see the people. So there was a good, a good turnout. I didn't see that many of them. And then I got back to the to the police station where I changed out of my Santa suit. But before I did that, though, my niece and my nephew came over. They lived not
far away from that town. And my my sweet niece, beautiful young girl, and she she says, yeah, Uncle Benny, were you Santa Claus on that fire truck? I said, no, I would never do that. I would never hit on a fire truck. Are you kidding me? Come on? And uh, it was. It was quite cute and amusing. And my my nephew didn't really care about any of it. He was just kind of had a goofy face and then that whole thing. So, but it was a lot of it was a lot of fun.
It was.
It was a good time and the only issue was getting off the fire truck. Then, and you probably heard about this maybe in another life, but I was very concerned about calling. I'm a rather large human being and I'm not as nimble as I used to be back when I was Benny the ballerina in my younger It would have been no problem the gymnastic part of my life, but that's in the past. So I sat at the edge of the side. Actually it was the back of the fire truck. I sat at the end of it,
and I was contemplating, what do I do here? What's the move? What is the move to get off the fire truck? And I waited. I was going to do it on my own, and I thought, well, in my head, I fell, I slipped and then I went broke my left arm in three places. And it became clickbait, and then it was a big problem. I am such a radio loser.
Aggregating Is that the big word you guys used on your website.
Yes, Aggregation is the word. You're taking a story and you're getting you're getting listeners or viewers based on that.
And you're adding to it. If you had broken bones, then that's not clickbait. I would have wanted to see that. But some clickbait I've been dealing with over the past couple of days. Now you're going to love this because you are intertwined into the story. Flashback to last weekend's podcast. All right, I did something that no Fifth Hour podcast listeners should ever do.
What's that?
I took advice from Ben Maller.
How dare you? How dare you? Now?
Actually it started out good because we were talking Mike Tyson and his PR people, one in New York, one in Vegas there with him, and your advice was, don't go with their question sheet. Just stay true to what Covino and Rich want to ask them and screw the PR people.
Yeah.
I think my advice was you tell them you're going to do exactly what they want you to do, and then do whatever you want.
Yes, Monday afternoon, I go in for the pre show meeting and I show them the questions, and I said, you do not read these questions. You ask him your own questions. He's a big boy, you know, he's done a lot of interviews. He can deflect it termed a bob and weave.
I think that's the term. He can bob and weave.
Yeah, interview goes great, it's a zoom interview. Even better. The guys can see his response and his interactions.
People have some mic bites together, some edibles, no sweet cheeks, Mike sweet Mike sweet cheeks. And then the tagline is everybody's eating them. I'm trying to get in on that, Mike.
Everything's going great. Then they ask him about the fight with Jake Paul. Covino says, what was Paul's power like? And Mike said, I don't remember. I don't really remember much of the fight. He says, I remember the first round, coming back after the first round, and then him bowing. Well, Ben, what do you think the national outlets have picked up on in the past few days.
Let's see here. I'm gonna go with the last part for a thousand.
The headline from New York Post dot com Mike Tyson makes terrifying Jake paulfight revelation. Then the headline from People dot com, Mike Tyson says he doesn't remember much of Jake Paul fight.
Don't know what the hell happened.
Both of these articles, Benny, they're alluding to the fact that maybe he has early dementia. It started out where the PR people loved the interview, even the fact that they asked that question about his butt cheeks. Mike Laught had fun with it. After the interview was over, they sent an email to me saying it was great. It was awesome. He had fun, and I was like, you know what, I did the right thing. It all worked out.
But now and if you google Mike Tyson on your device in front of you, yeah, I'm sure you could see that this has now spun out of control where people are making a big deal about this one clickbait piece. And when he said I don't remember all of it to me at the time, when I was watching this interview live in the studio, it felt like he was deflecting a little bit, like what you predicted, Yeah.
If you don't want to answer it. It's like what coaches do after football games. Well, I gotta watch the tape, you know, I gotta go walk. I gotta go back and watch the tape. And I don't want to talk about it until I watched the DAVE because they know, like a few days later, nobody cares in this case, like I don't remember, you know whatever.
Yeah, and he admitted that he hasn't watched it back.
Yeah. Yeah, here's the Hindu Times. I always get my news. From the Hindu Times, Mike Tyson makes shocking admission about Jake Paul fight. I don't remember the baddest man on the planet, says us. Here's another one from some boxing website. Mike Tyson blanked out during Jake Paul fight. Uh, there's a click on that thing. There's a British publication. Tyson makes worrying admission reveals injuries after losing Jake Paul boxing fight. Oh there's a bunch of these stories. Yeah, he was
just there to get paid. He got his money and all that. But the whole aggregation game, and I did that for a long time when I ran my website, which was a gossip website. It was aggregating the news. And it's really the modern aggregation. Not that I didn't partake in this, because I certainly did some of it
back in the day. But it's like playing the children's game Telephone, where you internationally pop it's called it's called other places, different names, but you just start out, you tell one person in the room, you whisper something person to person, and then it changes and then at the end you compare with the final messages to what the original messages and it's never the same and aggregations the
same thing. It's like you have to add a little extra garlic, a little pepper, maybe chienne pepper on top of the story, and so it changes it. You want to put your own spin on it, and then it changes it enough and by the time it gets repackaged like the New York you said it, I think you told me the New York Post was the one that really it kind of blew up from the New York Post. Yeah, they have a worldwide audience and they have their spind
on it, and then people have to make it. They can't say it's word for word from the New York Post, so then they have to draw their own addition onto the story. And then it's it's like legos. You keep adding legos, it changes the design or whatever. You know what I'm saying changes.
Yeah.
Well, benmallard dot com is back because I blame you for his pr people now being pissed about this.
Hey, this publicity.
Tell you something. Somebody. I believe in the magic Christian that you know, everyone's got a price. If somebody wants to write me a big enough check, I will absolutely bring back Benmallard dot com bring that back. Of course it would take a lot of money.
I feel like you would spend an hour typing out a story and then you wouldn't save it on your computer.
I don't know what you're talking about. So back that bus up, Back that bus up. We flashed back to last weekend, the Mallard Ugly Sweater Party, A fine shin dig the party.
I can't wait to find out about this.
You've never heard about this, Danny. So twenty twenty four Ugly Sweater party, and update we're about We're about an hour into the party. About an hour into the party, things were going well. It was a typical ugly sweater party. There was a nice crowd, a mix of my radio people, a couple of my wife's co workers, some family were there and they were eating their Kirkland brand pizza. And I had made hundreds, hundreds of cookies. Not I had
chocolate chip, a lot of chocolate chip. There were oatmeal raisin my wife likes oatmeal raisin. I had a lot of those. We had gingerbread cookies, which I added, these are soft gingerbread, not to be confused with the traditional gingerbread, which are not soft. So I had that I made some homemade brownies and I want to thank your family, Danny gear Deeli brownies. I used the geara Deli brownie,
so I made those easy to make. So we had all that ready to go and we put all that together and it was it was fine, and had all the food out, had some cake as well, and people were eating. And about an hour hour and a half into the party, all of a sudden, somebody's knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and I wasn't near the front door. Somebody opens the door and somebody had backed that bus up and Danny, hand to god here. It
was like a conga line. It reminded me of Deebo Samuel coming out to take the field for the forty nine ers where he's got the boom box, you know, he's doing that thing and all the bump box, the bump box. Yeah. So this the door opens and it is a stampede of my wife's co workers that had gotten a party bus to come to the malard Ugly Sweater party. And immediately the crowd double. We went from five people to about seventy people give or take.
Was like cops gone wild.
Oh it was not. I mean, listen, they don't have a good time. The cops know I have a good time. So they were going crazy. It's getting loud, and I want you to know, Danny, I made it all the way through high school, college. I've I'm not a big party guys. You know, I'm an introvert. But I have been to parties. I have been to parties. I've been to some crazy parties, not many, but some. But my entire life when I was age appropriate to go to parties, not once was I ever at a party where the
cops got called to shut the party down. The twenty twenty four Ugly Sweater Party. Somebody called the cops. Some some Karen knarked on us and called the cops, and so they showed up at the house. And let me tell you something, Danny, if you ever find yourself in a city situation in your life where you have the police show up and you're at your place because the party's too loud, may you be lucky enough to have police answer the door.
Yeah, because they called the cops on the cops exactly.
Yeah. Because the party. I mean, there were some radio people. I invited a bunch of people, you know, some showed up, some didn't whatever, but the bulk of the party, the whole party bus was my wife's co workers and she works at a police station, so it was all cops and so it was all I was not near the front door. I saw from a distance, I observed and like the cop that showed up the check on us by the time he opened the door. They all speak the same language, Danny, So it's like they had the
Rosetta stone on how to talk to a cop. And so the guy was like smiling and laughing and having a good time and all that stuff.
So they made him a plate of brownies and cookies whatever he wants and and so so, yeah, that was pretty cool.
That was That was pretty cool. So I can say that the Ugly Sweater party was the cresiest of all time because never before we've had a lot of these things. Never before has somebody ratted us out and call the police and so, and I'm not going to say that it was it was Ferg Dog that did it or alf. I don't think those guys would have done it, but I don't know who did. Somebody did. I have no idea. Got a murder, All right, let's get to the word of the week. Are you ready for the word a week?
The replay of the word of.
The week, well, really more of a phrase of the week. But this is from Becky from Nebraska. I don't know where in Nebraska, but as I like to say, Danny, there's only three cities in Nebraska that she could possibly live, and everything else is just farmland. Anyway, Becky rights, she's I know, it's like I've heard that before too, blow your own trumpet, which is Becky said she heard me mention this this week on a monologu, which is true.
I didn't. I didn't mention blow your own trumpet in a reference to I think I I if I remember correctly, we're talking about Wan Soo's opening news conference with the Mets, and I know that's exciting here and and the Mets not only get Juan Soto, they get the baby that will be born later in Juan Soto's belly. But but anyway, I talked about how it's just unlikable and just like the whole vibe I got it was just like I hate got the athletes that are that arrogant just rubbed.
Me the wrong way. Yeah, arrogant and entitled exactly.
That's just there are people that think that's great and good for you. And I know him in the minority, but like Blake Snell, Juan Soto, Machado, Carlos correct, guys like that just really really bothered me anyway. So I said something like Juan Soda, I think the tease on the in the monologue was he's part of the New York Philharmonic Orchestra, He's the one blowing his own trumpet. And and the phrase becky, oh my god, exactly to blow your own trumpet is actually it's a version of
blow your own horn. He blew me off at a hotel near lax That was clearly edited. I never said that. The people that study words say middle of the nineteenth century, and it actually, though becky comes from an earlier expression, blow your own trumpet, which dates back to at least the fifteen hundreds. And they say they who know who claim to know that it actually originated from medieval times, not the restaurant I know there is that still around medieval times. Is that still a thing?
It is?
Yeah, not the restaurant medieval times. But no, no, no, this is something that I had seen Danny in Robin Hood and old movies about medieval times, but I always thought it was bullshit. I think there was possibly real, But apparently it was that to announce the arrival of the king, Harald's blue trumpets to announce the arrival of the king, and so any merchant or other commoner who wanted to announce his arrival had to blow his own horn.
So thus the term blow your own horn and whatnot got twisted around blow your own trumpet, whatever, But that is it, blow your own trumpet a tribute to medieval times when they would announce the arrival of the king. Kind of like we're announcing that this is it. And I'm pretty sure that we're not going to have to
do this a third time. I'm positive that we will not have to do this the third time, but if we did, it would be even better than the last one that we just Anyway, all right, Saturday, it's much later than it was supposed to be because of this bad job by me and anything you want to promote. Not a great sporting day today, that'd be fair to say, right, No,
No NFL on Saturday till next weekend. Yeah, Bowl games aren't really a thing, right, We've just got one game to watch today, and that was pretty much.
Yeah, all eyes are on what we.
Call Army Navy, but it's Navy at Army today. Tonight there's the Veterans Bowl with two historically black schools.
Hey man, you might not notice, but I'm black.
Not a lot of Bowl action yet, Ben, But I know you love the Army Navy matchups. From when we were kids, those were some really good football teach.
Oh, it was always in Philadelphia. They made a big deal. I remember being on CBS and they were combined. It was like watching what would be the end watching the Jets and Giants play. Just terrible teams, horrible teams and all.
Yeah, and we obviously respected both teams and all the for what they do for the country, but the play on the field left a lot to be desired.
Yeah, when we were kids, it was, Hey, you know, the Army and the Navy they win the real battles. They don't worry about the football battles. You know, they win war.
Yeah, yeah, you want to talk about trenches, buddy.
Exactly exactly. And years ago, my friend Marlin's man, he invited me to an Army Navy game. It was actually in New Jersey and I was unable to make it. I would love to go to that game. That's one of those those games in American sports. It doesn't matter whether they're good or not. It's just to see the scene, the pomp and circumstance at that game. It's always really, really really cool. All Right, we'll get out on that. I have a wonderful rest of your day.
And I feel like you're going to sleep for an eight hour stretch right now.
Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah, So this show is so good. We did it twice. It's so so nice. We did it twice, you old man.
I feel like by the time we're arrested, we're going to do the mail bag on Monday.
Oh, it's gonna be oh man, all right, we have a great I'm going to I'm going back to sleep. Then, yeah, I'm getting out of here. See you later.
Yeah, go to frost your fingers later, skater My felation