The Fifth Hour: Penny for Your Thoughts

Kabbooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse.

Wow.

The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.

In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Maler and Danny G Radio who will join us at some point over the weekend. Well, my marketing campaign has paid off. We have gotten you to show up here to this edition, a special spicy edition of The Fifth Hour as we kick off the weekend. If you're new here and you heard me blatantly promoting over the top promotion on the Overnight Show, which we just ended a few hours ago, thank you, Thank you for being here.

Don't waste what are you doing? Bet? You made me come to this dumb podcast. I don't want to be here all right. Listen.

After months of chatter among the mal Or militia, so many of you have sent me emails. We only have read a few of them on this podcast and on the radio show. I've gotten heartfelt letters, people that love Benny versus the penny.

There have been social media.

Posts, all of the good vibrations, all of them. Well, today, today is the day the cat is out of the bag.

You have come to the right place.

We have saved this announcement for here on the Fifth Hour podcast because this news is so important, right, so crucial that we want the hardcore p ones who are the foundation, the salt of the Earth and the Mala militia to hear it directly from us, not just in a short radio segment. We have a lot more time here on the podcast format.

Now. It also does not hurt.

I'm not gonna lie to artificially boost the downloads on the Fifth Hour podcast.

Man, Hey, full transparency, kids.

We got a podcast to do every weekend, and if I'm gonna do it, we might as well drive people to the podcast. Now, regardless of that, the news is real. Our long national nightmare is over. The decision has been made on the future of Benny Versus The Penny on television in twenty twenty five, after all this time.

So let's make it some fun, right, let's make it fun.

We'll have multiple choice and I'll give you three options. A, Option A and B. C picked up season three. We are back baby later this month here in August, with a full season all the way through the Super Bowl in February. We'll have a preview show at the end of August, the kickoff here in early September, and that is just going to be amazing.

Now.

Option B the show was canceled. We were dumped by NBC.

Option C none of the above, all right, So those are the options.

You got it. A. NBC picked up season three. We're back later this month. B the show was rudely canceled. CEE none of the above, some other option right, Danny G can you give me a drum roll, please go, I need a drum roll, please all right, Reveal answers, Reveal answers. Now, if you picked option A, you're a dreamer, a lovely loser. God bless you, because the correct answer is b. We have been put on waivers designated for assignment.

Oh oh, NBC will.

Not will not be bringing back Benny Versus the Penny for season three. You kill that now before you q the sad trombone and activate an insurgency with the foot Soldiers and the Mallord Militia. Let me stop you right now. This is not a sad day. It is not seriously, and I'm not blowing smoke here. I am Benny Brightside on this one absolutely now. I found out this news a little earlier in the week. It was not the news I was hoping for about getting poll acts from

Have to understand how much that meant to me. Right.

Contrast that with much of my radio career as an adult, where and I love radio, I'm not. I love the business, but for better or worse, I've often been surrounded by people that don't have that. I've been a one man band, surrounded by folks who treat the job like it's the d and first one out of the building, last one in the antithesis of what we hear here with NFL training camps going on, where every quarterback's got to be

Time was just different.

It was energizing, right, It was really cool and of course a massive thank you to Bill Brighton.

You might not know who that is.

If you're not in television or media, you may not know his name. However, he is the big cheese over at NBC who believed in the gas bag you're listening to right now when few others would. He had been a listener to the Overnight Show as he was working his way up the television business over the years, and he had reached out to me and said, hey, Ben, I want to work with you.

I want to get you a TV show.

And I of course, immediately my kneesk reaction is, oh, yeah, right, you know I'm getting punked here, and you're not gonna give me a TV show.

I'm doing an overnight radio show. I'm gonna get in a TV show.

You're gonna put a guy with a face for radio on the National Broadcasting Company platform?

Come on? Yeah? Right?

And anyway, but he was a man of his word, Bill, and he has been nothing but kind to me and my wife, very generous and just just great.

It was surreal.

It really truly was surreal to do a TV show from a studio at Universal Studios in Hollywood, a place that I went as a kid. Remember I had a meltdown on a tour when I was a little.

Kid at a FAM reunion.

I've been there many times of the years, just as a tourist with people out of town, and to walk the famous back lot and to not get arrested for trespassing because I actually I had access to it. I was allowed to be there, I believe long there to be in the mix where so many great movies in the heyday of Hollywood were made and TV shows and iconic bigger than life celebrities worked And here I am, my fat ass is walking around there and it was just just awesome to walk around the sets and to

In the Bay Area.

It was mind blowing, it really was, right. It was a huge ego boost. It was stupefying all that stuff, and we got cleared in every major media market in law in America. I mean, we were in Los Angeles that we do the show from LA We were on the Lakers station and they they had very little programming, so they aired it like four or five times a

At this pub, and so that was cool.

And then this last year we went on Peacock, which opened it up to a lot of you that did not get cable television anymore. So that was neat. So the point is we were not just playing for the Mallard Militia. Not that I don't love playing for the Mallard Militia.

I love it.

You know, it's great, It's wonderful, right, It was a wonderful thing that we have. We've got a good community in the Mallard Militia, and you guys have been wonderful and continue to be wonderful. The TV show gave us a bigger audience, right, It's like off Broadway versus Broadway. We had a larger stage, bigger crowds. We got to grow the brand a little bit. And I would be remiss.

How dare you? But I know I've always worked very well with Looney.

I thought of all the people I've done shows with over the years, the Blitz that myself and Looney did many years ago. It was the greatest weekend show Fox Sports Radio has I ever had. Management did not agree. But we just play well off each other. We have this good camaraderie. I don't believe in chemistry, but we just we get each other's vibe. He brought the drama, the fire, the flare, the razzle, dazzle, and I played off that, and then I would throw fire in his face.

And I have fond memories already, even though we'll be doing more of these, I'm sure in the future.

But the table reads at seven am at Universal Studios, right across the hall from the studio where the stuff of legend as we would do the dry run on the show, and the little cubby hole studio with a couple of chairs, a green screen at the camera, and the couple of people behind the scenes there who made that happen, and so it was all dream like.

So this chapter has ended.

Benny Versus the Penny on NBC has ended, as I learned from one of my great heroes as a child, when I was a little boy growing up. I don't know if you are familiar with the work of doctor Seuss, but doctor Seuss taught me not only greed, eggs and ham sam I am. Doctor Seuss also taught me that. And yes I'm using a doctor SEUs quote on this podcast. Don't cry because it's over, Smile because it happened. And that is my position. Oh Ben, you're going soft here, man, No I'm not.

I'm not.

Now that said, this chapter may not be over. Like, we've already got some feelers out there's some interest that's been bubbling up here there.

There will be more Benny Versus the Penny.

That's why I'm not really all that upset, because I've done Benny Versus the Penny for a long time on radio, and I moved it to this podcast for a couple of years with Danny g and we did it on YouTube with Gascon for a period of time. It's now been on television for a couple of years. So it's just not gonna be on NBC for now.

And who knows.

Maybe down the line they'll come back to us and say, hey, we like the show, we want to get it back. Now, as to the nitty gritty on this fifth hour, the question of why so, I'm going to try to be proactive here, and the reason I want to be proactive is because I just don't want to deal with the nonsense of the email. I normally get a lot of email on this. You guys have been great, and you're like anything.

I knew what happened, so why was it canceled? Now? You gotta understand, in the media business, you never really really know. There's always extenuating circumstances.

However, I will tell you the people that I've dealt with at the network have been wonderful. Right, and this guy John, who's a Hall of Famer in Philadelphia produced Phillies games with Harry Callous, just a great dude, seasoned media guy oozes Philadelphia.

So John.

Had been very transparent, and I believe he wasn't blowing any smoke or anything like that. Really do appreciate it. This was not as I understand it. It was not because the ratings. It wasn't as no one was watching. We actually did well from Again, this is what I've been told from some of the people that worked on the show. We had some solid numbers in key demos in certainly in Boston. There were some weeks that we did really really well, like top three in the market,

Now. There will be another gold rush, and I hope that.

I'm still doing Benny versus the Penny when California, If the lunatics in California allows sports gambling, that will be a massive gold rush. There'll be a lot of money there, a lot of money to be made, but to take you behind the scenes. So NBC has had been keeping me and Tom Looney updated the original deadline. It was kind of vague on the radio show, but the original deadline was July first. Now we obviously blew way past July, for we're in August now and as recently as last Friday.

Not a lot of.

People watched it, so yeah, that folded also, So I'm batting a zero point zero zero at NBC. But you know, you know what they say, when one door closes, another one opens. Now sometimes sometimes there's a long hallway in between. So we've got big plans for that hallway. Sunny days,

You were all part of the ride.

You were all part of the journey and a great chapter in my media career.

And no matter what happens, I've got that in my back pocket. So it's not over.

And it's pretty late in the game this year. The football season began last night kind of with the Fugeese exhibition season, So we'll see what happens.

But the penny has not flipped its last pick yet.

And I was talking to Tom and we've we've got some.

Logs on the.

Fire and we'll see there's also the possibility that we bring Benny Versus the Penny to a podcast format like this.

There's other streaming services there's available. There's been some.

Talk of Patreon as well. There's a lot of options out there. So we will, we will have it for you, and we'll let you know. Obviously we want you to listen. So again, thank you. Not a sad day. Not a sad day, it's a it's a pivot point. We will return with another season of Benny Versus the Penny. Unfortunately, will just not be with our friends over at NBC, So turning the page on that. And this is very random and sometimes the stars just aligned. But today is National Homemade Pie Day.

Now.

The only reason I bring that up is because I have a pie store, right and I'll give you that story in a minute, But first, in honor of alf the Alien, O Pinter and Ferg Dog and mister nice Guy and all you knuckleheads.

Fun facts about pie. Yeah, I've got fun facts about pie.

Is it true that the ancient Egyptians are the earliest known civilization to have had a pie dish?

I'm nodding my head, yes. Now.

It typically consisted from a deep dive on this. It consisted of a crust made from wheat, oats, rye or barley, and it was filled with honey.

That sounds kind of like a granola bar, doesn't that wheat oat honey? Isn't that a granola bar? Now?

The ancient Greeks and Romans also had pastries similar to what is known as today modern day pie. For example, and for reference, the Romans often coated meat with a pastry made out of flour, oil, and water. However, however, the dough was only intended to help preserve the meat. They didn't have refrigerators and things like that, not to

The pie world.

It wasn't until the fifteenth century when pies usually only contained meat or fish, but they became more of what we have today with fruit. They had custard pies, and it has been said that the very first pie was baked for Queen Elizabeth the First and that was during the sixteenth century about that. And then when the English settled to America, they brought the pie. And the early pies they brought were thick, heavy crust or a rigid flour.

There you go.

And now now to the great key Lime Caper, the great key Lime Caper.

So let me tell you something about key lime pie.

Now I've learned this over the last year. It's not just dessert. It's not now in Florida, it's some ways currency. Some would call it a religion. In parts of Florida, it's diplomacy. Now, if you grow up in California, you probably love tacos and in and out Burger. My Guy sports with Coleman. He didn't grow up. He's from Atlanta, but he lived in Maryland so long. I would probably

He has been very generous.

He shipped off a coconut flavored key lime pie from the Tropics to the main land. Now, I I did not realize that there was even a coconut flavor key lime pie. The only coconut I really eat. Is like the Almond Joy candy bar, which was always the last one in the.

Bag on Halloween.

So anyway, this pie arrived, and you don't ask questions, You thank the pie gods. You split it evenly among friends, You treat it with reverence as the pie deserves.

Which brings us to the caper.

So imagine the three musketeers, myself, Loreina, and Coop.

There's one pie.

So we have to divide the pie evenly, like ancient treasure after a fierce battle.

You got to divide what you've got. So I took my slice, a very generous wedge. That still didn't feel like enough, because you know, my name's on the show. But it was. It was fine. It was a big piece of pie.

And I had the pie given to me by Lorena, and she placed it on a party size paper plate, you know, those flimsy, flimsy plates, and so it very flims treacherous vessel, if you will, unworthy of the prestigious cargo that that pie was that it carried.

And so but I had to be ready, right.

We had a long journey from the studio back to the Malor mansion in the north Woods. Now, logically, one would think that you just seat belt the pie in you let it ride shotgun like a proper co pilot, and you're fine. But no, because I live in a fantasy world where highways stay open.

At night, and normally they do for me. I work the overnight shift. I'm driving when most people are still sleeping, So I just assume the traffic's going to part like the Red Sea, and construction zones will not materialize like Poultergeist from the Underworld. Then I'll be fine.

So for the first i'd say twenty five percent, first quarter or so of the journey with the Pie, it was on the seat next to me. It was exactly like the pie gods had ordained.

It was very smooth. Wasn't a lot of traffic. I had the cruise control on.

I was listening to some classic AM radio old school buzzing softly in the background. I could practically taste that delicious gram cracker crust, the whipped cream topping on top of the key lime pie.

And then the.

Unexpected plot twist, the dreaded detour slow for the cone zone, flashing lights. Right now, there was a parade as far as I could see of tail lights, and I saw a bunch of big rigs. I saw construction, some guy probably named Carl, Probably named Carl, He.

Had one of those reflective vest things on. He was waving.

Traffic off to the surface street purgatory. So my plan went up in smoke. Suddenly I am now Magellan Mallar with Apple Matt. I am navigating uncharted urban terrain in a CD part of town. They say nothing good happens after a certain hour, and I was out at that hour. Now, more importantly, I'm driving around and every turn I make, every turn is putting that delicious pie in danger of becoming roadkill. See, I can understand I had no choice.

So my right hand.

My right hand was getting a workout, was not getting a workout. My right hand extended and I gripped that flimsy plate, and I became Lady Liberty. I gripped it like the statue of Liberty torch. Now my left hand was steering the ship through turns.

Right turn here, left turn there, red light here, yellow light there, pothole to the side.

All of this while I'm praying, if you will, I don't know if that's the right word to the dessert gods. Please just get this thing home in one piece. I do not want to lose this pie. So we often hear people talk about multitasking, and I kind of rolled my eyes. I'm like, please, try holding a flimsy plate,

At that moment, I became one with the pie.

And by mile nineteen on my journey, I was sweating like I had just run the Boston Marathon, and I was wearing a parka. While I was doing my right arm was locked in position like the old days when you used to have to hail a cab if you're old enough to know what that was like. But I was trying to hail a cab for an hour straight, and I swear to you, and I'm not just talking out of my took us.

Here.

I could feel the pie breathing, like the pie in my head, the cartoon bubble of my head. Don't look at me like that alf and fer dog in my head. The pie knew what was on the line here. The pie knew the steaks here if something went wrong, and it turned out, there was a great pie miracle.

That pie survived. Not a smear of whipped.

Cream or key lime on the upholstery, not a not a droplet of anything from the crust. Nothing was displaced, no casualties, no cleanup, no ruined upholstery.

It reached the Malor.

Mansion intact, untouched. And then, to quote one of the great characters in the history of Hollywood from the Austin Powers franchise, Fat Bastard, I said to that pie, get in my belly, is what I said. And I devoured that thing like I hadn't eaten in weeks. It was sweet, it was tangy, it was everything. The crust had the integrity that I was looking for. The filling was a citrus symphony, and while not as good, not as good as the original of the strawberry because of the intense

Said, well, this is not a test, but a test is when you lose your job or a test, is it?

No, this was a test, right, and it wasn't a huge test, but you're asked to call to rise above. There some men that carry torches, some men carry flags, and then there's some in the middle of the night that carry a coconut key lime pie down fifty miles of asphalt just to bring sweetness home. So God bless you, Bobby, and thank you so much. God blessed that pie lived a good life. And hey, my arm got a nice workout, my arch outstretched right arm.

That kept that pile. All right, we'll get out on that.

We'll have new podcasts all weekend, including a Malor Mover Malor movie review. Easy for me to say, Malor movie review. We will get to all of that as we go through the weekend. Danny should be with me on the Saturday and Sunday Mailbag podcast. If you do want a Sunday letter in for the mail bag, you can do that, but you should probably do it by probably this afternoon. I would say Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com.

That mail bag.

So Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Have a wonderful rest of your Friday and we will yap at you tomorrow as the podcast does not stop later Skater, Oh wait, Danny, you want me to say? Oh, that's right, Austa Pasta.

That's a Danny Lion, That's a Danny g Lion. I said it. It's the why are you still listening? The podcast is over. There's nothing else. It's over come on