The Fifth Hour: Pastrami Nose Sucker

Kabbooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow, the Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.

In the a Everywhere.

Welcome into the Saturday Saturday Saturday Saturday. Additionally, Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mahler and Danny g Radio. As it is week number eighteen, it kicks off later today. We have double barrel action Danny in the NFL.

The Pets, Trailers.

The Insers, and the Poets with a backup Poets the Ravens. That's the first game today at four thirty Eastern time one point thirty for those of us that live in the West. And then the late game the Texans and the Colts. That's a playing game, the Texas and the Colts. The winner will be a playoff team. Unless my math is wrong, the winner of that game will be a playoff team.

At ten.

And seven, and there's all kinds of holidays, Danny. Today, every day is a holiday. I mentioned this the other day. Is so many dopey holidays and nobody knows about and people for some reason like these. I got a good feedback, Danny about dopey We need to mention more dopey holidays.

Oh you mean like the national days.

Yeah, yeah, that's today. You know, this being the sixth day of January. It is Apple Tree Day today. It's observed annually on January sixth. It's Cuddle Up Day. That's Big Epiphany Day, also known as Three Kings Day. It is Fruitcake cost Day, so if you want to toss a fruitcake, and if you're you're looking to fart a lot, it's National Bean Day today.

Most of these days are stupid, unless there's some fun twist we can have on the radio, like fart sound effects.

Yeah, that could be that could be good. It's a National Technology Day today.

That's it's great glorying.

Yeah.

Oh, this is this is actually relevant National takedown. The Christmas Tree Day is January. If my wife so paranoid because she works in law enforcement, she hears stories about people's houses burning up from Christmas trees. We got rid of that thing. The first sign of that tree starting to die, I think was gone. We just said, get the f out of here, we're done with you, and he got rid of that thing right away.

So I think that tree has been gone for a while. But I guess.

Today is national take down your Christmas Tree. But on this podcast, we've got foody Fun Tommy Paradise. Not related to foody fund men in a way.

It is in the face opposition research.

And that will likely be all we have time for. But foody fun.

Is where we begin.

These are stories about food that caught our attention, and so he said, why not Red Lobster. They are offering twenty dollars lobster and shrimp scampy deal.

Are you a lobster and shrimp scampy guy.

I'm not a big seafood guy, so it really wouldn't apply to me, but it's true.

Yeah, yeah, I'm probably not from Red Lobster. I do love their cheddar Bay biscuits, though.

I've had those. Those are really good.

That's through tomorrow, by the way, so you have like today and tomorrow little Caesars slices in stick pizza. It's back, Danny, It's back.

No, you knowcet about diarrhea, diarrhea, diarrhea.

Pizza pizza, Pizza Del Taco offering sixty cent snack tacos now Del Taco available in the West. That's not a national chain, it's a regional chain. But that's through March early March. So there is that Starbucks new iced shaken hazel nut oatmelk espresso espresso.

Well I saw this. It's only seventy two grams of sugar.

You will literally walk out with diabetes. But that is the that is the gift. It's an added bonus. It's an added bonus.

There.

What else did I see that was interesting? On Foody Fun?

Here's another one of those stories about fast food items that you can get cheaper versions of by going to places like all the Costco and Walmart. We've used a lot of these, We've gotten some good feedback on them, and so I guess I'll mention a few of these. Now, are you an all de fan? There are all these where we are. But the problem I have with all these you got to put like quarters in to get the cart. That's annoying, Like that.

I can use a cart. When I went in, I had my first all the experience about four or five weeks ago.

Oh, you you're a newbie to all the I've been there before a few times over the years.

There was no rhyme or reason to where everything was located in the store.

Yeah, it's a little bunch.

Of like leftover stuff, I guess, a lot of discontinued items and stuff like that.

Yeah, it's it's a cheaper You've got a lot of stuff that's on sale, give you a deal. But the claim is that if you love the McDonald's Big Mac, you can find double the patties, double the flavor option, the all the double cheeseburger, and they claim it's all these versions. They have their own version of the iconic Big Mac.

Is that in the frozen section.

Yes, there's also the white Castle Racist, which I think that's.

From White Castle, So I don't know that that is I don't think.

Yeah, yeah, we've seen that in the frozen section.

That's not that's not something to get all excited about. What else Costco they have? Oh, yeah, we've talked about. This is the Chick fil a Nuggets ripoff version and the chicken the just Bear lightly Bear, lightly breaded chicken chunks.

Yeah, We've been buying those here at my house for a while.

Yeah, those are really good. Those are those are solid. And then Walmart's got the actually tried that. I think we talked about this last we talked about it last week. I don't know I saw it. I don't know if we mentioned it on the podcast, but that that you can get rip off Taco Bell taketos at Walmart. And I was like, oh, that's you know, that bullshit. You know that's not going to taste like Taco Bell. And

You'll give you a quick hack. You know the Polynesian sauce at Chick fil A. Uh huh, it's sweet. It's almost like a sweet and sour. Yeah. At Costco they have those egg rolls that they sell really good and they're pretty healthy. Get the Polynesian sauce. You can buy the Chick fil A Polynesian sauce at any grocery store. Put that on a plate, a little of that. Put a few of those egg rolls in the air fryer, boom, You're good your gold.

Yeah.

I felt very plugged in because of this podcast any because during the week, I think it was the Friday show, the end of the show.

At the end of the week show.

And Cooper Loop we're talking in our production meeting, which is really like a brief conversation off the air, and Coop said that he went to Costco and they had chocolate chip cookies and he didn't realize they were going

He felt like, not worth the two fifty. Okay, it's his movie, but yeah, yeah, it's one of those.

Times with those crumble prices. That's not a bad deal.

Yeah, crumbles like ten bucks probably for the same cookie. So if you're into it, and kids generally love cookies, so I gotta believe they're good. They're banking on kids with their parents who go shopping that on the way out, Hey, I see a giant chocolate chip cookie.

That's gonna be call in a couple of years, Danny.

While we're inside FOODI fun, I should mention that I got to sample some of Benny's brittle, that peanut brittle that you put in the Christmas box you gave me. Yeah, it's the first sugar or the first candy I should say that I have intentionally eaten in the past thirteen weeks. Ooh, and man, was it worth it? That brittle is better than seese candies?

Wow?

Yeah, you I'm not kidding, not just pulling your leg here, Ben, Yeah, you can get done with radio, which could be any moment after yesterday.

Yeah, with the gift card.

Yeah yeah, with you emailing the boss about a phantom gift card. Seriously, you could call it Benny's brittle. That peanut brittle you made was so good. I kept sneaking back to the box and taking pieces out, and I'm not supposed to be eating sugar right now.

I couldn't help myself. I was like a gremlin.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry you fell off the wagon because of that. I thought, but maybe you give your kids or your wife could have so well, no, no, it's good. I just started futzing around with peanut brittle and I was like, because I saw some other people that made it, and I was like, well, my brother in law has made us, so I thought that can't be that hard.

But I wanted to, like really really nail it, you know, I want to.

I want to.

It's a science to it. It's it's actually just it's not hard to make, but to do it right. I even went out and bought It's what a loser I am. I bought a candy thermometer because.

All right, you mentioned that.

Yeah, yeah, like the whole, the whole secret thing.

Is is there's this sweet spot where if you mix everything together, you got to keep stirring it, but it has to get to the perfect temperature and then you have to quickly get you have to pour the brittle out and let it kind of set. And if it's not the right temperature, and I screwed it up a couple of times, it's terrible. But if it's the right temperature, it's it's the quality of like a bakery or a dessert shop.

Maybe a new nickname, the Willy Wonka of late night radio.

Well, thank you, and I'm I'm my next thing, and maybe I'll do this today and we can talk about it later on on the podcast.

If I do, maybe i'll do it tomorrow. But it's he I'm gonna do a brittle, but macadamia nut brittle.

Yeah, that's Hawaiian style.

So that yeah, because I had that when I was a little kid, we went on a family vacation to Hawaii. I didn't appreciate Hawaii because I didn't want to go. It was a long flight. I didn't, you know, a fat kid at the beach. But the thing my mom gave me that I still remember and I loved it was the Macadamian nut brittle that that was so good? Oh my god, it was so amazing. I still remember it, and I don't really I haven't had it outside of Hawaii.

I am such a radio loser. A couple of the foody nottes quickly.

McDonald's Canada has added new hot honey mccrispy sandwich to the menu. Hot nuts, yeah, so will that be coming to a Meca? A Mahka CAFC has introduced new honey barbecue wraps with a new spicy mac and cheese wrap.

I think I'm good on that.

There are five McDonald's pies to try around the world. Does that interest you at all? Five McDonald's pies to try around the world. In Malaysia they have a banana caramel pie that actually doesn't sound bad. It could be all right, Oh this sounds terrible. Japan beef stew pie. Yeah, what are they doing in Japan? Come on, nasty? This one's in the in Ireland. In the UK, you can get Galaxy caramel pie, crispy deep fried chocolate pastry, pie filled with caramel sauce. It does look like the original

That kind of stuff all looks so gross to me. Now, maybe a little bite of it. I can't believe I used to eat crap like that, like the old dessert.

Yeah, well, you're better not.

I'll only give you a brittle like once a year unless you want more than again.

Be my brittle pusher.

The ovaltine pie available in Hong Kong. That is one of the most disgusting things I have ever recently looked at. Here a chocolate crust, chocolate filling, but it's all like ovaltine.

Hard pass on that.

I'm good on that, all right?

So that ends the foody fun portion of the podcast, but there is more to go. For example, this is the Saturday part to a Life of Mallard, Life of Danny G. So we had a staycation last weekend, the last weekend of twenty twenty three. Me and the wife pretended that we were like La tourists that had a grand time. We were grubbing around La Destination Pastrami paradise, which means Langer's Delhi talk about it every once in

Right across from MacArthur.

Park in LA.

You can get any kind of you know, fake id's or drugs or contraband in that park during the and then if you go back at night, Danny, you can get shanked.

Got a murder.

So it's really whatever you need. They got a little bit of everything.

And the way I look at this, if you're going to charge almost thirty dollars for a pastrami sandwich, it better be good, right, it better be good. This place is amazing. It's better than the New York delis. And I just learned that last year. We went to the to New York to visit my my brother for my niece's graduation from from high school.

So we were there for like.

A week, you know, we went did that whole thing, and and we went to the famous Kats's Deli, which had been my favorite New York Delhi, and it hailed in comparison to Langers. I don't know what they do there that's so good now that I'm gonna have to go back to New York next time and try some other delicate testants.

So maybe some of you guys who.

Are in the New York area, let me know what your favorite delicate testant is, and I'll give it a shot. I was always gone to Kats and wasn't that good. But this place in La Is Nuts, it's it's just wonderful. And so that's how we started our day. We waited online. There was a line to get in. You have to eat lunch there because you can't have dinner. The thing closes at four o'clock. It's that bad a neighborhood. They

I used to love.

Working out at the gym in Glendale. I enjoyed that very much, very much back in the day. Sus to live not far from there, but they have a Neon museum. Have you ever been to the Neon Museum, Danny, No, Yeah, I didn't know about it.

Well, I didn't know, but i'd heard about it.

But I'd never gone, and we decided, Hey, we're doing our staycation. We had a nice pastrami Paradise. Let's go over to Glendale and there we will right across from Americana by the way, right across fro Americana and soak up the ambiance the neon lights as I believe ten Bucks if I remember correctly, right across a big mall in Glendale. If you're in the LA area, you're familiar with that. If not, if you visit LA. I enjoyed my stop. Some of the high lights.

Love that mall by the way, the outdoor part of it with the water fountains.

Oh, it's great. Yeah, Americana is a beautiful mall.

So anyway, the the highlights, there's all the stuff's available on Instagram. Ben Maler on Fox on Instagram and more on the Instagram page. Tomorrow on the I got a story I'm gonna say for tomorrow. But after after that we moved on a little bit. But some of the signs my favorite was this old this I put it right at the front of the I posted some photos on the Instagram page, which are also available on Facebook.

Doc.

He's a cartoon character.

Doc kills kills him and it's all the neon and it says his patients all die.

It's massive and it's it's urine. Oh it's so good. I love that.

Some of my my other favorites. There was a horse that kind of moved a neon win with winning wire. It was called There was the La Pama Chicken sign, which was pretty funny. This is like a bunch of like random random stuff.

That was was pretty cool. So so there was that.

Enjoyed that and from there we are last stop we we we hung out at the Grand Central Market more and that maybe later. But it was not in the face, Dan, I mean, the food was in the face, but that was about it. That was all that was in the face.

In the face that went down your pie hole is what that food did. Hello, did you.

And your wife split the thirty dollars pastrami or you each had your own?

Well, you know, I'm a cheap soob So we did split because and but it wasn't because of that.

Well that's all. I'm not hating on that. That's a veteran move.

Yeah, it was like it was really expensive and we were planning on kind of grazing like cattle. So we figured we were going to eat again. So let's not spoil our. You know, we want to head. We wanted to have room, so we did split. That's the way to go, just to taste of the base exactly. Now our very first parent fail. Oh yeah, let's back up the last week of December, a couple of days before the new year. Baby CoA drooling because he's teething. He

But so she wraps him up, she runs the warm bath water, gets him in there. I hear him splashing around having fun. I'm watching some TV in the bedroom as she's in the bathroom, you know, giving him a bath, and I hear.

Oh, no, oh, no, oh no. Yeah, you don't want to. You don't want to never, it's not something you're looking for.

Yeah, I run into the bathroom, the light on, her phone on and it in his face, and I'm like, what is going on?

What happened?

She took baby body wash, started by washing his arms in his hands, and CoA immediately took his hand and directly put his hand right into his eye.

Oh no, the face in the face, the face. No, you don't want to eyes cor Oh boy, man, he see those things come on.

My mom liked to say everything was a bloody murder scream.

It really was.

Though he had this big red ring around his eye. It wasn't even half open. Quickly googling what to do when you get soaked directly into the baby's eye, and the Internet says to flush the eye out with room temperature water for ten to fifteen minutes. Okay, yeah, we got him leaned down and we are rinsing the eye out. But remember he's still wrapped in a towel. There's there's no way we could get him all the way dry, and now we are getting him even more wet to

Boom goes to dynamite.

Ah, double parent fail daily, double poor a guy. And it's not as old school as it used to be with getting the mucus out of the baby's nostrils.

Uh huh, because.

Obviously the little baby, they don't know how to blow their nose.

Yeah, get a cold.

It's horrible because you have to take it almost looks like a turkey baster and you have to jab that into their nostrils and suck the mucus out.

Ah, it's terrible.

And the thing that sucks when you're a kid, like he's got to get sick a bunch of times to get kind of get. I don't know what's the term I'm looking for you, but you gotta get. You gotta get sick, and then your body kind of adjusts to certain things and you get sick less.

Right, Yeah, that's how it works, right, you gotta.

Yeah for sure, And this is his first experience with ever being sick. But now they have and it plays music, and I'm convinced that he's gonna have this traumatic memory of this music. It's digital. It's a digital nose suckers and it actually it has a light and it plays music. Really, so here comes my better half, you know, walking towards him with this thing with a light flashing and music playing. The first time he saw he got excited because he

What do they call it? A nuvage? For adult?

Oh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I have seen yeah.

Little mini version of that. But for baby, he's finally getting over it right now, but he is not one happy camper, especially with getting his nostrils cleaned out.

Yeah, that sucks.

Double parent fail.

Though it was was not a fun or a memorable New Year's Eve.

Yeah, I'm looking at the Yeah, that's not that thing's kind of the the vaje thing.

They have a baby version. That's the that's not good, all right.

Opposition research, opposition research. I would go back to the Grand Central Market. We stopped by the Grand Central Market on her way on our staycation after the Neon Museum. Have you ever been to the Grand Central Market on Broadway in downtown.

Have you been down there?

I was there as a kid.

Like I've lived in La my entire life. I lived like a mile two miles away from there in Lincoln Heights, and I never had never been there.

I don't know how I let it up there.

It's a pretty cool spot.

It is it is, and I've never been there. It's a tourist trap, I guess at this point. And there's like around forty restaurants, just a little kiosk type things for restaurants, and they have this place which supposedly has the greatest cheeseburger in Los Angeles called for the win. So what do you think I did?

Danny?

What do you think I did?

You sampled the cheeseburger.

I did not what I did?

I stood there because they have an open kitchen, and I did opposition research. I studied how they make the number one cheeseburger in Los Angeles, the smash boog.

Of those little spy cameras.

No, it was.

Funny because I didn't really feel like a burger. But I like to make smash burger because I have a griddle, so I love making smash burgers and I like I can make them better. So I was like, I was fixating. My wife said, well, are you good at smashburger? I'm like, well, I don't even feel like, but I'm just I want to see how they make them because this is supposedly the top place in Los Atas. So I was watching how the guy behind the griddle was making the burgers

A candy thermometer and a special burger smasher. Your mom would love this. You would know you had never thought in one hundred years you'd be shopping for items like this.

If anyone that knew me when I was like in my early twenties to think that here I am. I guess I'm middle aged. I hope maybe not probably past middle age. But my god, what have I done with my life?

Back then?

You were just drive through Smasher.

Oh, I draw, I knew.

I had the Windy's that night, I had the del Taco, I had the McDonald's night, the Carl's Junior Night.

I had a little night for everything. Other restaurants.

They had the Lucky Bird, Fried chicken, sandwich place, McConnell's ice cream, which is that famous place from Santa Barbaro.

That's good.

Yeah, donut Man. I used to live near the original donut Man. I used to live out in the San Gabriel Valley in Glendora, in the San Gabriel Valley part of La Sticky Rice. That looked pretty good. There were a lot of Mexican places I'd never heard of. There was a deli, Wexler's Deli, which is supposedly famous, but it's pretty cool. So a grand central market and a lot of cities have this kind of place, and they have it, like in Philly they've got a famous market.

San Francisco, Seattle. I didn't even know this thing.

It was around in LA. So it was pretty pretty cool, right, we'll get out on that. It is Saturday today, the sixth day of the month of January. A couple of NFL games. I'll be watching those. Anything else going on with you, Danny today? Anything special?

Ah NFL and using that mucus sucker on co Hopefully man, hopefully this is over in a couple of days, Ben, because I swear this is the one part of being a parent that I didn't want in my life. Having to bring little kids to urgent care and doctor's appointments, all that sort of thing was one of the reasons I didn't want kids for all those years. But the flip side of it is you have a wonderful kid and they bring a lot of joy to your life.

Yeah, it's wherever they'll you know, it calls when he's older. It once you're like really old. Hopefully Cole will still take care of you, right, love.

You and all.

Oh and as soon as he's like nine or ten, he can drive himself to the urgent care.

That's a good move. You know, about ten years old, that's old enough to drive. You know, you should be fine. Yeah, all right, have a wonderful Saturday, thank you, will have a fresh pod with a mail bag and probably have pop goes the culture, and I will tell a story. I saved it. I saved it for tomorrow. I got a couple of things that I have not talked about that that happened recently that we'll get to tomorrow.

I saved them for the Sunday pot. Have a wonderful day. We'll catch you tomorrow.

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