The Fifth Hour: "Over My Lifeless Corpse" Mail Bag

Kabooms.

If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow, it's the clearinghouse of hot takes. Break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard starts right now.

In the air everyway, The Fifth Hour with Me, Big Ben and Danny g We slide into a.

Sunday Sundays Sunday and welcome in. Seventh day of the month of April four to seven is the day and National Beer Day today, so celebrate National Beer Day responsibly. Wish you could argue you every night on the Overnight Show is National Beer Night. But today's National Beer Day.

And it is mail bag time.

Into the mail bag we go, Danagy, Are you ready for the mail bag?

Fired up? Ohio? Well, it's this mail bag.

Very good. These are actual questions by actual listeners to the show. You can send these in right now. You do not have to wait. You don't have to wait for me to put something out on social media. We do the mail bag most Sundays unless we have a bank show. If we have a bank show, we do not do the mailbag. But other than that we usually do the mailbag, and sometimes even when we have a bank show, we do a mail bag anyway. But Real

Do you know there that the locals pronounced the s so I did. Really a friend of mine who's lived there for the past twenty years she corrected me. She's like, it's not Boise with a Z, It's Boise.

And I was like, Oh, are you busting my balls?

No, No, not at all. A lot of people don't know that. We you know, we've all been I don't know that. Yeah, we've all been conditioned to say Boise. Yeah, I was in Boise state, yeah, Boise, right, but the locals say it like that.

Who knows se joe you inspired some conversation here. I know there's a lot of law enforcement that retired to Idaho from southern California.

I know that some masters too build homes out there.

Yeah, some beautiful land there, and I liked that Idaho. You've got that upper part of Idaho which is stuck between Washington and Montana.

Right Yeah, yeah, really that dude. They're right outside of Jackson Hole, Wyoming, in between there and Idaho the border. It is beautiful, rolling green hills with big, big properties built. The homes are just gorgeous and the properties are dope.

That's cool. There was a guy that was the trainer for the Dodgers when I was doing Dodgers Talk named Stan Johnston and he was big in Jackson Hole, Wyoming and loved it there. I think he's living there.

I don't know.

I lost contact with him, but just said amazing things about Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Anyway, Joy and Boise says Ben and Daddy. I wanted to get your guys thoughts on this. A fell little podcaster is campaigning to get Red Panda into the Basketball Hall of Fame? Do you support uh those efforts?

So? Do you?

I'm assuming that doesn't ring it? Does that ring a Bell Danny Red Panda. Red Panda is that's the red moose. No, Red red Panda. When I tell you who this person is, you'll know right away. Red Panda is the woman who was originally from China who at halftime of NBA games rides a very oversized unicycle and tosses ceramic bulls on her head and she balances them on her head and her feet and all that. That's her name. Her stage name is Red Panda. I don't think that's her actual name.

So so Joey, first of all, thanks, just looked it up. Margaret.

That's her mom's name. But now, Joey, listen, thank you for listening. Number one, I appreciate that. Tell friends, we need more people from Idaho, So thank you for that. I know we're the show's on there and yeah number yeah, they have a nice affiliate for us there. Yeah yeah.

Yeah.

So but anyway, Joey, to answer your question, thank you. I do support Red Panda because Red Panda the first ever play she performed at an NBA game was.

A Clipper game.

Fun fact, Red Panda made her debut at a Clipper game. I think that was at the Sports Arena and explains why she's not in the Hall of Fame yet? How dare you so that's number two? They'll put anyone in the Pro Basketball Hall of Fame, have you. I do the joke partly because of alf the Alien Opiner, who is in Springfield, mass just down the street from the Pro Bouncy Ball Hall of Fame. But Muffett McGraw, who is in the Pro Basketball of Fame. But it's not

No, I was just gonna say. I mean, if she deserves to be in, then I want to put Rocky, the mascot for the Denver Nuggets, into the Hall of Fame.

Just that one night. Yeah, Yeah, came down.

Yeah for the simple fact that he passed out it's costume, and they lowered his dead, lifeless corpse down to the court, and then the and then the Nugget dancers all danced to the around his dead body.

So good, all these beautiful women shaking their behinds while uh dear, old Rockies corps is coming from.

The Rocky mouth to mouth and they were shaking their asses.

It was like the most uplifting semi funeral you've ever had.

The Rocky uh dead bodies.

Uh you know who else should be in the pro Bouncy Ball Hall of Fame. Here's another one I want to see If you remember this one, Dan, you might not. There was a guy that used to perform NBA halftime who was like a Michael Jackson. He's doing a Michael Jackson show, but he had four dummies on these metal bars.

Yeah, yeah, I do what I'm talking about. Remember that guy, Yeah.

Guy was awesome. I don't remember his name.

I don't know.

I just I saw him perform at Clipper games and I leave. I don't know they did a Laker game.

Maybe.

I don't think the Lakers would allow someone to like that at their arena. But it must have been just the Clippers. But I saw him several times and he was really good, and it.

Was it was.

It was so crazy and silly that you had to stop and watch. So I'd put once Red Pandas in the pro Bouncy Ball Hall of Fame, I'd put I'd put that guy if we can find it, I'd put him in.

The Yeah Hall of See, let's see if somebody knows his name here? Yeah, Oh dang it. It comes up on Reddit, but it doesn't say his name. It's just people flashing back talking about him.

Oh. I was iconic. Remember all the mannequins were on like sticks. Yeah, and they were all cool, intertwined and it was it was cool. It's like it wasn't the King of pop, he was the King of Annequin. But that's fine. Stephen Vermont writes in on the mail bag. He says, uh, it been, and Danny, I love of the Overnight Show, and Ben, I'm a fan of the wacky game shows that you guys do. Can you please explain, though, why you get consistently horrible game show contestants. You never

I wish I could pull off those suits. Oh, I found the guy ben He goes by the Amazing Christopher.

No, I don't that's Amazing Christopher out there.

That's it shows. It shows.

Uh, yes, I thought that was I thought that was a magician. Maybe maybe not.

Oh let me see on YouTube look at the Amazing Christopher as Michael Jackson.

All right, you know it does say that is there a magician named the Amazing Christopher? Though I thought there was.

I never heard of that guy.

Okay, maybe I made it up. Maybe it was just something. Oh yeah, it says dancing puppeteer, Amazing Christopher. Good internet research by you. Oh, he's got the village people there. Yeah, he's got his website, Amazing Christopher dot com. He says, welcome to the side of the legendary dancing puppet.

Here.

Christophers reformed for two US presidents, British Royalty and Prince Raynier of Monaco.

Wow, should say NBA Hall of Fame right there in his bio.

He got to start as the opening act on the Eddie Murphy Raw tour in nineteen eighty seven.

Oh, that is crazy.

He also opened for Jay Leno, George Carlin, and Natalie Cole to name a few past thirty years, he's been delighting audiences at corporate events, NBA Baseball, et cetera. That's pretty cool. He got the village people got the Michael Jackson's the one I remember Bruno Mars dancing Darth he did. Oh that's pretty good.

Oh I see, Yeah, he's Darth Vader and he's got stormtroopers on each side.

That is.

This guy's good. The one I recall though, I saw he used to only do the Michael Jackson that was his go to. I'm gonna I'm gonna click on this.

I'm wondering if there's more than one guy that does this. Maybe he had competition.

As well. I thought it was a magician named the Amazing Christopher, but that, oh man, the Magic Johnson or the Michael Jackson Jackson five outstanding.

Is he still doing it? He must be.

Is this his website?

Yeah, he looks like he's still active.

Wow, this guy's worked with some big time people over the years. Too good for him. How much does it cost to book him? See, he's got always got a production.

That would be amazing to have him at the next mallor meet and greet.

Yeah, it'd be great, who's who's the entertainment there? Or hey, we could have the Ugly Sweater Party. We could have the amazing Christopher perform at the Ugly Sweater Party. Got a big time agency. Looks like he's in seven oh two. That's Vegas, right, and that the Vegas it sure is. Yeah, so he's in Vegas. Does corporate appearances?

Oh?

Good for him. Yeah, that's all the guy does. Well, you find you get a niche. You get a niche, and you can just ride that niche.

I'm sure he has a podcast too.

Of course I should get him on the podcast. You know what, I want to see if he's a I'm gonna contact him. I'm gonna see if we can get him on Boom.

That would be good.

I would love to talk to him, eh, I.

Bet he's got some interesting stories to tell. Yeah. And did Michael Jackson ever see his performance when MJ was alive?

Yeah, it's a great, great question, Like he what was you know in the NBA player? I saw?

I really liked it.

Oh there's photos of him with presidents on here. Oh that's pretty, that's pretty Nilo. See if he wants to on the podcast, you know, the podcast will which you do low. If he turns us down, you owe me fifteen thousand dollars. Though, Man, did I think I answered Steven Vermont's question?

Right? We got you did?

Yeah?

We did all right?

Kurt from Tucson writes in he says, guys, did you see that Jennifer Lopez was accused of not voicing Jenny from the Block? Okay, let's guess.

Who then said that?

One of the says another singer, a backup singer, came forward to claim she got paid to do the vocals, and then Kurt says, have you ever used a guest to voice one of your Malard monologues? Yes, Kurt, yes, I usually take Fridays and Mondays off. So we don't we do AI, right, Dan, we don't do. We used to do vocal We had an impersonator.

Yeah, but we JT the Brick does a really good Mallard. So it used to be JT when we needed a fill in for you. But yeah, yeah, we had we had, we for real. But he doesn't sound no, no, no, he does too much cocaine too.

Yeah, even on the podcast.

Yeah, allegedly too horse of a voice to impersonate you.

Yeah, that's funny. Frankie writes in from Parts Unknown, you'll put your name if you want credit, says, are you guys starting to buy toilet paper and water because of the bird flu pandemic that's coming? Uh no, Frankie, I'm not loading up. I'm not hoarding toilet paper and water.

I'm good and uh yeah, I can't wait for the two senior hours. They're gonna let us have it grocery stores and Target every morning though, what was it? It was like seven to nine am. Remember when only seniors were allowed in the store. Yeah, you and I finally qualify now this time around.

It's exciting where we finally reached our pinnacle. And my favorite is spending forty five minutes online at Costco to go in and spend money at Costco waiting online in the parking lot. That's my fondest memory of shopping that and going into the grocery store and there will being no meat at all, the whole frozen section completely empty.

Yeah. My favorite part was how all the vitamins and supplements were untouched, but all the water and toilet paper was gone.

And pop ups they were all gone.

Yeah you popped up, but assholes couldn't take some vitamins to stay healthy.

Miami Mike writes in on the mail bag. He says, there was a video this week of an alligator climbing up and over a chain link fence here in Florida. He says, is this impressive or is that a nightmare?

Says? Can it be both? Yeah?

Yeah, I think I'm gonna go both on that. Right. Did you have you seen this video?

I have not seen this.

No. Yeah, So it's like a it's it's like a little alligator. It's not like a full size, but I guess it's it's like to me, it looks like a it's not an eight foot two thousand pound alligator.

Oh this is not impressive then.

But it's like a mid size. But it's still climbed a chainlink fence. It's cuss those little alligator arms, Danny, and he was able to climb the fence.

That's you know. No, Well, could you guesstimate the size of this guy? Does he look like a teenager? I'm gonna say teenagers are really good at jumping fences and you know, sneaking out of the house and things like that, So teen does it. It's like, eh, an old, big fat gator doing it, though, I'd be like, damn.

Yes, it's not a it's not a fat gator. It's let me see here. I'm gonna send you the video hole on mad Me find the link. I just entertain yourself.

There as Yeah. I made the mistake one time on Animal Thunderdome way back in the day of there was a spider. Remember when Houston flooded. Yes, somebody took somebody took a very deceiving picture of a spider that was in one of the running lakes there, and the way they positioned the camera and the angle it made it look like the spider was like the size of a small puppy, and and it went viral. Everybody was like, look at this spider, it's the size of a cat.

By the way, I just looked at the video here that Mike sent and I sent it to you, Danny. But it's actually I guess, he says, Mike. It went viral this week, but it's actually an old video.

This tricks people from time to time.

Yeah, yeah, so, Mike, I I mean it's still I had not seen it before, so for me, it's new, but it's actual the video, the link you sent is an old link, Mike.

So but you got me.

I already talked about it.

So to answer the question, the gator is old.

Now, that's right, that's that gate has probably been eaten by this point time, Alf from the Cheap Seat says, boys, is there any sound better than the crack of a wooden bat striking a baseball? And he says there, here's a cogestion for when the next pandemic hits. My brother told told me that there's such thing as professional pillow fighting on the four letter Yeah, the pillow fighting's fine. I want to do that slap league. I like that

Yeah, yeah, in basketball, and remember the Lingerie Football League.

How could you forget it?

And that's what the pillow fighting thing sounds like. It should be women in nineties hitting each other in the face with pillows.

Which would be mussy TV if they're attractive. If not, it would not be mussy TV. But that would be pretty good. Other sounds that would be the ball through the net you got in football, a bone crushing hit, which you don't really get that much.

Yeah, you don't hear that a lot, I guess, you know. I would say when I'm listening to Harlan on Westwood One, you know, and he calls a touchdown, that's one of the greatest sounds in sports to me. And you know, Harlan, he goes crazy.

Yeah he's a listener. That's crazy too.

Yeah.

The big Super Bowl back there back in Vegas, that's.

A sound of the game. I know it's not you know from equipment, but I guess from a microphone that counts for sure. How about Serena like grunting and hitting the ball? Yeah, that sound off a fast serve.

When I covered basketball back in the day, I do some interviews sometimes before the game, and in the ambient background noise, you hear the screeching of the of the sneakers on the court. You hear the rhythmic dribbling dribbled, dribble, dribble, but there'd be a squeaking sneakers in the back.

Do you know? That is one reason why my wife he does not like basketball on in the living room. She hates the sound of the squeaking shoes miss Aphonia. Yeah, yeah, she doesn't like it at all. She's like, can you just watch the fourth quarter? That's the squeaking shoes are getting on my nursery. She'll watch Laker games with me, and she likes basketball. But if I have the volume up too high, she's like, can you turn it down a little bit. It's the one weird thing she has with sports.

Interesting, it's like the chewing thing my wife.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Also I thought of one more sound really good. Tiger Woods golf swing off the tee.

Oh yeah, yeah, that's pretty good. And then somebody yelling something in the background.

Yeah, get in the hole, Get in the hole for sure.

Pierre writes in and says, can you Ben please elaborate about the great Oliver Miller story. Yeah, so real quick. I want to spend a lot of time on this, but this is the story I mentioned. I didn't have time to get to it on the radio show. So Oliver Miller was a large, urgent, in charge pro bouncy ball player back in the nineties in early two thousands,

Sure the burger was really burger.

Yeah, exactly. Ryan writes in from Shrewsbury, mass He says, if you live in another state, if you could live in another state in the entire country, what state would that be? Or would you not change anything and stay in California? Says I always joke with my family saying I don't belong on the East Coast and that I belong on the West. Always wanted to live in La or Vegas. The West coast vibe just seems better in

I don't know.

The wife would be interesting, Yeah.

Because you've got to think about family, their proximity to you. You know me, Ben, I'm such an animal lover that I would like to move to a state where they build overpasses for wildlife.

It's a great idea.

Oh shit, they're doing that right.

San Fernando is a great place.

That where I'm at already. Yeah, I'm in the right place. Then. Yeah, there you go.

You're you're out with nature.

I can't wait to go hiking over that overpass?

What else do we have here?

A couple more? Would it? Would it be awesome to put on like a I don't know, Grizzly bear costume and wave to people as they're going underneath the overpass? Yeah?

What have you crossed over there in a bear costume?

Yeah?

You just walked across, you know.

With a picanic basket. Yeah, I see a picanic past or.

You should dress up as Smokey Bear and only you can prevent for us, but.

Have like a Ghostbusters pack and a flamethrower. That'd be great.

Mike and Fullerton writes and says, hello, Bed and Danny G. First of all, I have to congratulate Daddy G.

Daddy.

I saw the big anassment this week. Baby CoA was accepted to Oklahoma. You were not kidding when you said he was big for his age, says Mike and Fulleton.

Okay, I told you he was going to be one hundred and eighty pounds in no time.

Yeah, he's ready to go. He can get that scholarship, just like Lane Kiffin's kid got a scholarship in eighth grade CoA right after kindergarten scholarship.

The youngest sooner in history.

Boomer Sooner, sooner, sooner, bread, sooner born.

And when I die, I'll be sooner dead. Yeah? What else do?

All?

Right?

Mike also says, I know you guys always have a finger on the pulse of pop culture. On a scale of one to ten, is your interest in this weekends big WrestleMania event? Did you follow the build up at all?

Brother?

Yeah? So I'm good. I'm pretty good on the whole WrestleMania thing.

Like, I.

Don't know, I don't hate it, but it's not high on my list. How about that?

Yeah? I mean, as kids, we loved NFL and we loved NBA and Major League Baseball. There just wasn't a lot of room left for wrestling. And my mom kind of ruined it too because she'd always point out see that he didn't really hit him there, that's fake, this is fake, that's fake. And she just had a big problem with it because it was all staged, like a lot of people I think feel that way. Not a lot,

When I was a kid, I was convinced for the Age of Reason, when you think it's real. I used to us reference getting educated as a child that it wasn't real. But I thought when Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan that matchup was set, I said, oh my god, Hulk's going to die. Andre the Giant's going to kill Hulk. I'm so worried about Hulk Hogan. I hope that doesn't happen. If somebody needs to protect Hulk Hogan. You know, I'm a hulk of maniac and you know, you know say I I had no idea what I was doing.

Yeah, and you were seventeen at the time.

Just joined the military, yes, just got out of the Marines.

You know. Thinking back on things, maybe my mom was the problem because she also ruined the Easter Buddy in uh in Santa early on, So maybe she just didn't like things that were staged.

Mom just slaying childhood dreams.

You know, you know who is it, Chris Rock keeping it real? My mom was the original Chris Rock.

Yeah, she was ahead of her time, clearly.

All R. We'll get out of Dave and Dave.

That sounds like something Dick and Dayton would say. Dave and da Dave and Phoenix.

And David, Dave and I go by Dave.

Yeah, we did not be We did not have time to get to your questions, but we thank you and we will press on. Maybe next week, you.

Never know, or the week after or the week after that.

I would be back tonight on the Overnight Show in depth team coverage. I'm just just me doing four hours of conversations. So we'll have that for you tonight. And Danny, you're back tomorrow, Yes.

Yes, sir, Two to four pm on the West Side, that's five to seven pm. And beautiful Newark, New Jersey.

I think beautiful that Newark is leaving Newark, New Jersey. But have a wonderful day, dare you, and we'll catch you on the podcast. We'll catch you next week, but at the radio all week long, and we'll talk to you.

Then later skater got a murder. I gotta go.